Tequila

No, I thought the exact same thing. (I haven't played whichever FE Brom appears in.) Welcome to the Forest!

[spoiler=Klok hates fun.] The new and shittier Ninian. The same setup. WHY CAN'T YOU GET SPEED Moolah. Maybe. Maybe I'll just keep them all. End of turn 1. Raven gets hit by Luna and Hector gets doubled on the ballista. Nothing new. I savestate on PP. Eh. Good. Not sure who this is gonna go to, tbh. Maybe Elimage. The only thing Elimage is beating you in is skill, and that's because he got a skill book in Ch. 16 or so. More icons. Rescuing Raven and Bartre out of that annoying Bishop's range. I still hope to get the physic staff. It's official. You're shit. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2), Ninian (1) I like you! Ok. A slightly different setup. Maybe BARTRE THE BASTARD is made of sterner stuff than Ninian. I FUCKING HATE POISON LANCES No one can use this...yet. She won't survive another hit from the pegasus knight otherwise, which I can't kill because it's the one with the icon. The dracoshield wyvern has been robbed blind and eradicated, in that order, but this bastard's flying over the houses. SPEEDY AND THWOMPY As usual, Loyvern gives no fucks about WTD. He got S rank lances the previous turn, incidentally. On EP, a wyvern hits, an archer hits, and a peg knight doubles to put Hecher at 2 HP. And he's poisoned. WILL HE SURVIVE? OF COURSE NOT. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (2), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2), Ninian (1) Same level. FUCK YOU IN THE SPLEEN Black axe brigand goes critical. No flier can resist the poison bow. Unfortunately for that archer, Loyvern has transcended mere flyness. Did I mention I hate poison? GET OUT IN THE OPEN SO I CAN ROB YOU BLIND AND THROW YOUR CARCASS INTO THE STREET, YOU PUSSY Guess I'll nab that instead. That shaman's been picking on Elimage. What Hector lord? What shaman? Oops...I forgot about that bishop. Well, I guess I won't get the physic after all. I'm sure as hell not redoing this again. Lyn's finally useable. :( Slim sword with 1 use left gets put to good use. Oh you just did a bad move there mate You have now outlived your usefulness. HARRRR Raven finishes off the brigand Dorcas was nice enough to chip for him... Then gets danced by Ninian and eradicates a potentially annoying enemy. Oddly enough, this doesn't see any use this chapter. Klok, you need to check the reinforcement placement. There's a knight and a wyvern rider in the same square. Strength and speed. My favorite. The AI seems determined to poison everyone in my party, and it is succeeding. Caps skill. The situation. Ninian and Lyn are rescued. Uh oh. That's the emblem scroll carrier. Yeehaw. PROMOTION TIME Awww yeah. Nice! Gonna cap strength maybe? The pinks trade staves and heal each other. It's strength... HOW MANY FUCKING WYVERNS ARE THERE Not many, and BARTRE THE BASTARD is due for a promotion. Since I needed to redo this chapter, I took the opportunity to make my more useless party members hold some extraneous slim swords, door keys, etc, so I can stock up on heals, lightnings, steel swords and steel spears. MONEY Keep it up babe and you might become a shadow of your former greatness. Pinkcav doesn't like albino wyverns. Raven uses his first lightning. I forgot to mention, I love his sprite. ASSASSIN A good one? Loyvern takes the silver card and heads to the shop down south. More crits and less magic damage, hoorah. I prepare to lure Oleg to his doom. That was anticlimatic. Lol, 2 hit. More money. OH YOU DID NOT JUST HIT THE BABE DORCAV DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN HIS BABES GET HIT Not always. But in your case, yes. Gonna promote him next chapter probably. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (2), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2), Ninian (1)

Is this full? If not, Colm.

That's what I did. I regret nothing.

[spoiler=Poison. There is no life, only poison.] Lovely alliteration Come on Nils. Be nice to your pest. These guys, at least, don't give us a warning before ambushing us. And they have fog too. THANK YOU NILS! You currently can't handle jack shit. Ok, Elimage. My second promotion :D Still have 1 skill book and 3 goddess icons left; still not sure what to do with them. Plus Oleg's hero crest. Thanks to Loyvern and Ninian, I can see pretty much the whole map. I wonder if I can get that physic staff... Good. Been looking forward to seeing you in action. NOT THAT KIND OF ACTION FFS Elimage, you have much to learn about women. If they want to fight, you let them fight. Capish? ...Damn. DA KREW: Hecher, Elimage, BARTRE THE BASTARD, Loyvern, Raven, Lyn, Dorcav, Markyrie, and Ninian. We begin by sending Lyn and Markyrie to the southwest to clear out the monk infestation. Markyrie gets D light. That shaman has the energy ring (and REALLY shitty stats, although she has luna so I'm not complaining). The northern wyvern has the dracoshield. The goddess icon pegasus knight is still hidden. I place Loyvern so he can lure the dracoshield wyvern without killing it. The wyverns are pretty beefy; Hecher can't one hit them, even with 19 strength. End of PP, turn 1. Your stats may be shit but luna still makes you annoying. Elimage is on top of things tonight. I hate poison even more than usual. But Loyvern does his job. Capped strength for non-prepromotes. Beginning of day 2. Yoink! This...could be troublesome. Hey look. An enemy Hector Lord. Troublesome no longer. That's the guy Elimage was fighting last turn. Seems that Purge is also uncounterable. Is this on purpose, Klok? Raven finishes off Loyvern's former poisoner. Ninian takes the icon from Bartre, then dances him so he has room to nick the shield. And the Dorcav erases all trace of that wyvern rider's miserable existence. Just takin' out the trash. Oh, I like. Hecher getting chipped, but still hanging in there. Bartre makes his displeasure known. HA Maxed Bartre. TIME TO PROMOTE. Or not. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (2), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2) Savestated at the beginning of turn 2. I like this one better. I steal the shield and icon again, then rescue Bartre and Raven so as to not attract the annoying Bishop. Tent is pro dodger. LOOK AT THAT AVOID! Even with 110% hit they still can't hit her. Jesus. Thanks...again. End result. Ninian danced Hecher so he could drop Raven. Looks like someone's got control of a ballista somewhere. Fortunately, Delphi Shield is a thing. Enemy peg gets RNG screwed and misses an 87%; Lyn doubles with an iron ax and ORKOs it. Lyn's getting this. He crit, to add insult to injury. Level's not so hot, though. Dorcav does not understand the meaning of the word chip. I was gonna feed that to Lyn. I actually had to restart because that bandit looted the village with the Elysian whip, so I just put the most recent levels up. Yeah, go for the person with like 90 avoid without any terrain benefits. On PP, ballista boy gets critted, despite the fact he was gonna get 1 hit regardless. No kill like overkill. I TAKE BACK EVERY MEAN THING I SAID ABOUT YOU. Or at least, 5/6ths of them. Free money; not using Kent or Legault this run. Da fuck is this? (Gives +10 hit and avoid to whoever's carrying it or something apparently) This is my effort to get the bishop to use its elixir so that it would drop the staff instead. However, it steadfastly refused to do so, either suiciding into my units or just standing there doing nothing. Never used the staff, either. Sometimes I really don't understand enemy AI. So I said fuck it and let Lyn him. Despite being a promoted enemy, she only got like 14 xp. Isn't that kinda weird? Lovely. Very lovely. Gets res on penultimate level. Ok. You're already great, but don't think I can't ditch you if I want to. :D Markyrie uses that. So it was more or less at this point that I discover that Merlinus is totally full, and most of my units have full inventories. This is kinda bad, since I need to stock up on steel lances, steel swords, lightnings, and heal staves, and I have a ton of slim swords that I didn't end up using. I made a note for my next run: DON'T BUY SO MANY SLIM SWORDS, YA DAFT CUNT. This is my 3rd promoted unit, and he promises to be godly. Especially since I can't promote Elimage for at least another 2 chapters. Typical Ninian. You're turning out very nicely. I finally remember I was planning on giving that to Lyn. Now she might be able to ORKO with hand axes. Infinite uses? Yes please. Keep it up, babe. After a really long time spent juggling items and selling some slim swords and other assorted junk, I get around to Oleg. Bartre's gonna promote next time; leaving Canas for the desert chapter. Don't start disappointing me now! Might promote him before next chapter, too. DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH? YOU DON'T SAY Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (2), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2)

Sorry about the 3 parts, I felt all these pictures are necessary. [spoiler=Dante lied (part 3)] Next turn, I prepare to greet our unwelcome visitors... ...with thunderbolts. LEGAULT YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF Oh my. Serra prepares to lure the thunder mage (you can see him next to her head). Meanwhile, I realize I have a member card. I send him off to the shop before realizing he didn't have the silver card. I check Merlinus. He doesn't have it either. Oh man, was I mad. But not mad enough to restart this chapter. I think the only worthwhile thing to buy would have been a physic staff, anyway. Well done the Serra! A little maneuvering later... ...and Since I'm not pressed for time anymore (Legault doesn't seem to be moving this time), I take out the myrmidon, knight, and paladin one at a time. Oh I like this. Whoever's going up against assassins is definitely getting it. 2 down. Serra lure the paladin and Lyn finishes it off for STRENGTH! Going towards Canas' alimony checks. Ok. There's a nosferatu shaman, a fighter with swordslayer (it ran off earlier after getting hit), 2 nomads (1 with an earth seal), the sage with a rescue fetish, and a luna mage with a goddess icon and no luna, and Legault. Loyvern prepares to lure the fighters, armed with a steel lance. A grand total of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING happens, except Legault plinking off Loyvern. Ok. Markyrie unlocks the door, Loyvern rescues him away, and Dorcav sets him back on his hooves. I await the rush of enemies. Nothing happens. Again. Well, if they won't come to me, I'll take the fight to them! I savestate here, then Markyrie starts things off by lulling Legault into la-la land with a soothing lullaby. FUN FACT: This is the first time I've ever used a sleep staff in my time playing fire emblem. I rush in there, all guns blazing... Swordslayer fighter goes after Bartre and hits. Nosferatu shaman goes for Lowen, misses, and dies. Eliwood kills the fighter and gets...defense...ok. whatever. THIS IS THE ONLY REASON YOU WEREN'T DEAD 31 TURNS AGO I reason that if I get rid of that nomad that that Sage has been obsessively rescuing, maybe it'll finally start physicking instead. Not bad. On EP, the nomad with the earth seal goes and suicides on Wil for no good reason. RESTART. No suicide...this time. WILL YOU STOP FUCKING DOING THAT? I WANT THE RESCUE STAFF! Excellent. Eliwood gets A anima killing the nomad, and Raven chips the shaman for some nice stats. REALLY? NOW YOU DO THAT? Of course, Markyrie doesn't have a restore staff and Merlinus is too far away to get one. Fortunately, I made a savestate at the beginning of the turn. So Markyrie now has a staff. Raven got the same level, btw. Maybe attacking it will make it do something different? I left the shaman alive so it could start healing, and surrounded the sage and Legault with pretty much my entire party so that rescuing wouldn't seem like an attractive option. So instead, it did absolutely nothing. Disgusted, I decide to just end this chapter. It's still a nice reward, especially since I didn't buy any. I can't recruit Legault while he's asleep...so he wakes up and whales on Eliwood. FINALLY SO SICK OF THIS SHIT When did Eliwood become a priest? Wat. (I'm assuming child got changed to nipple, with weird wacky results.) Oh my. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2) Also, I'm not using Fiora not because of that lousy level-up, but because I have too many people as it is. Hell, Rebegand and Guy seem to have fallen off the bandwagon recently. And I'm not sure if I can get them back on it.

[spoiler=Dante lied (part 2)] In preparation for accessing the secret shop. SPOILER: It doesn't happen. The new, less thwompy Dorcav. AWWW YEAH. Neither one dodges -.- You shoulda run while you had the chance, kid. Too late now. I hoped for a crit, but he didn't oblige. Well, what's the worst that knight can do? YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING, MATE You attack Loyvern, you gotta be prepared for the consequences. How many more uses does this guy have, ffs Oh yeah, pegasi reinforcements started appearing and generally being a royal pain in the ass. MORE STRENGTH And good fucking riddance. Probably going to Raven, since I can't promote Elimage if I want Gietz's FFO. i didn't even realize I had moved her in range. That was a lucky break. That, however, was not. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (2), Bartre (1), Lucius (1) Time for something different. He got doubled. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (1) ONCE MORE, WITH FURY Lucius dies to an absolutely bullshit crit. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (3), Bartre (1), Lucius (2) Serra gets the same level, I burn some RNs, and Lucius survives and terminates that damn pegasus knight. :( WHAT THE HELL? DARIN MOVES? WHAT IS THIS SHIT? Fortunately he doesn't do much against our flying tank, Loyvern. Fuck off, Legault. That's the guy I was actually trying to lure. The situation. To the right, there's Loyvern, Dorcav, Markyrie, and Bartre, all of which are relatively high leveled, and therefore I don't want to give them the boss kill. What do? You're gonna get promoted soon, and it's going to be glorious. Solution to Darin: Run away as much as I can, while Loyvern chips him, and then someone else can ko for mad exp. Sounds good, right? Right. Very nice, Markyrie. Defense is always nice from you, Raven. Conveniently staying out of Legault's range and still luring Darin closer (I'm intending to feed the kill to Lyn) I forgot to give her the hammer, so Lucius picks it up from storage and will trade it to her next turn. Even with a crit, Darin still can't kill Loyvern. (HALBERDIER CRIT IS AWESOME YOU GUYS) According to FE Wiki, these reinforcements aren't supposed to show up until turn 20ish or so. It's currently turn 15. I smell Klok's intereference. Canas was poised to lure and then steal the talisman from the mage, but he can't get there in time. So I retreat on that front. Stop. Hammertime. One last chip...courtesy of Darin on EP. Whew. More reinforcements... I forgot there was a special speech if Lyn attacks. I don't think I ever used her to kill him before. I take a moment to play this song in honor of the following event. Url tags aren't working, for me, weird. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOGMQ-ySqOY Maybe I shouldn't have bothered.

[spoiler=Dante lied (Part 1)] There are actually 10 circles of hell. And this is one of them. I messed up so many times here, I don't even remember all of which pictures are relevant. So bear with me. Also I did a couple of dry runs just to get an idea of who moves and what spawns, and then I started an actual run, and then I gave it up because I messed up too much. None of these are shown. Let us begin. Dragon's Gate looks like a giant middle finger, viewed slightly from the right. Legend? With a 25% Hp and Str growth? Don't make me laugh. Well, isn't that handy. So why is she always in danger? Too little, too late. A WILD OMINOUS SPEECH BUBBLE APPEARS To my right, standing 6'2 and weighing in at 195 pounds... Lyn's got some serious stink-eye going on here. GO HECHER Yeah Eliwood. Let her go. Darin's nose has a discerning taste in babes. WHAT IS WITH YOU AND FUCKING MICE I think you're Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in disguise. Oh. That's significantly less exciting. I assume that's a replacement, but I can't figure out what it's replacing... Your helmet makes me want to punch you in the face. That's how stupid you look. Been there, heard that, got the t-shirt. The goods. He has an axereaver, and he's an enemy, and I shouldn't kill him. Darin the Dragoon. His sprite looks amazing, btw. The setup. I think I ended up sticking with this one. Raven crits a knight, Bartre opens the door, and Loyvern waltzes in and kills the longbow archer for a nice level and the Restore staff... Which Markyrie trades to him, since Loyvern is now in range of that Berserk sage. End of turn 1. Serra's in range of a knight carrying a chest key, which she will kill and take. Dorcav and his longsword and is in range of Cameron and his steel lance. Lucius is set to lure a halberd-wielding pirate, and Merlinus is luring a bishop with lightning to the east. Ok so far, although I thought that mage would go after Raven, not Dorcav. And we're off to a great start. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1) I think Loyvern got the same level as last time; I didn't take a picture. Raven's 2% luck growth pulls through again. Dorcav survives and chips Cameron. Oh, this is nice! Not great, but at least it's HP. I love you Dorcav. Loyvern got berserked, so I remove that with my newly obtained Restore staff. Nice levels all around. Hecher caps another stat. The situation. Everyone's out of Legault range (he usually doesn't move, although on one of my trial runs he did). And then Elimage died. Don't have a pic thought Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (1) Dorcav gets the same (amazing) level, LL gets resistance in addition to his earlier level. Instead of charging blindly upwards, I let the 4 cavalier/nomads come to me. I do not like you, shaman. Whew. Holy shit, he got back to back 6 stat levels. I DESPISE YOU, 28 MAGE DRUID, AND ALL YOU STAND FOR. Thankfully he can't attack, otherwise he'd be an even bigger pain than usual. On the bright side, more xp for me. I thought the AI didn't know how to use rescue staves...? SPOILER: Since I reset, the sage still has the berserk staff and a physic staff. He uses neither. For the rest of this map, the nomad moves 3 squares off, and then the sage rescues him. /LOGIC Notspeed/10 HOVERBOARD LOYVERN IS SICK OF YOUR SHIT My first run, I let the thief loot a chest and then killed him with Lucius, but then Lucius got attacked by the Luna shaman and Legault and almost killed both. Since it is in my interests to keep both alive for the moment, I decide to kill the thief now. It's not like I'm running out of lockpick uses or anything. Elimmage... Looks like I forgot to get it this time. See, the sage keeps rescuing that same nomad (DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM) (btw, it's the one with the earth seal, although another one not carrying anything important also gets rescued later. If anything, it makes my job easier, so I don't complain.) Those fighters are carrying swordslayers, so I gotta be very careful with them. You're great. Elimage doesn't like horses, so he crits them and their riders. And gets a pretty good level. You seriously need some strength. You can't ORKO most things. GOODIES! (Dorcav then kills its former bearer with the longsword) Lucius is placed to kill the really annoying brave bow and hand axe reinforcements. Can he survive for 3 turns? I accidentally put him in Legault's range, he got doubled, and then the Luna shaman finished him off. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (1), Bartre (1) Elimage and Serra get the same levels, Lyn gets strength! Raven gets shit on by the RNG. I steal the speedwings again. Lucius hanging in there so far. Not much better, but at least you got 100% more levels than last time. Plus you got a free goddess icon's worth of luck, so I can't yell at you. Wil gives no fucks. Note to self: Buy more steel lances. Bartre gets a thwomp level, caps strength, and SPEED! WHAT A BASTARD! Stats you're kinda lacking in, so...ok. Strength is nice for you, but def would be even nicer. THE SITUATION: 3 swordslayer fighters bearing down on me, and 1 knight with an axreaver in the NE corner. You are godly. Luna shaman decides to pick on Merlinus, and hits. On EP, that fighter picked a fight (heh heh) with a steel lance Dorcav, which he now handily wins. You're already great, so not complaining. . THWOMPCAV GODDAMNIT ELIWOOD Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (3), Wil (1). Eliwood (2), Bartre (1)

Geese.

[spoiler=I fail at everything] Pirates or ninjas? Who cares? Lyn's a ninja pirate. Hoot hoot. Er. Ok? How can that be? Florina established his armor is made of marshmallows. Hecher feels challenged. This probably won't end well. Lead marshmallows? Don't move? No one can move as quietly as a ninja pirate, Lyn. "They've pillaged the axereaver store and joined Hecher and co." Do you guys seriously not understand the concept of an ambush? THAT'S MY BOY You're going down mate. You all are going to be fucking annoying. I can tell right now. God knows Lyn needs that hp. For some reason, I don't a picture of the start. I took mostly sword users because there's 6 axereaver pegasi and I can already tell they're going to be annoying as hell. Hector, Marcus, Lowen, Guy, Dorcas, Wil, Serra, Lucius, Fiora, and Bartre are present. Also, Fiora thinks she can fly. Well, that's 1 down. Man Bartre is amazing. So's Marcus. I make him use thunder so the myrmidon with the Wyrmslayer attacks him rather than Bartre, End of PP, turn 1. The myrmidon obliges and misses both hits. Thankfully, Lucius misses both counters. Why the luna shaman attacks the person with a) the highest avoid and b) the only weapon that can hit back, is beyond me. Most of the peg knights attack Lucius, he gets a nice level. One annoying fucker down. There's another. I hoped for a crit and Dorcav obliged. Another annoying fucker down. On EP, the axereavers start targeting Merlinus... And Lowen accidentally gets within Aion's Luna range. Oops. Once again, I thank Klok for not giving it a crit bonus. ...Ow. MARKYRIE LAUGHS AT YOUR PITIFUL LIGHTNINGS Next turn, I make a savestate. This is where things start getting annoying. Ok, good so far... Why, hello there, Darth Sidious. You're worrying me... It's speed and resistance. Not complaining. He double crit. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1) So I heal him instead, and Markyrie gets S staves. I have been informed that this is a good thing to have. Curses. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (1) Not great. GODAMNIT DORCAS Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (1), Dorcas (1) Much better. . Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (1), Dorcas (2) HOLY SHIT BARTRE i don't have the death pic, but Guy died again. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (2) Operation Everyone But Markyrie Stays the Fuck Away is a go. Not your finest, but it's resistance. So. Markryrie could easily survive a hit. He could even survive a crit. So what happens? Silencer. Silencer happens. This must be why IS never implemented enemy assassins (Jerme doesn't count since IIRC light brand can't crit at 2 range and runesword can't crit at all). Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (2) Let's try this again. Not great, but maybe I can sell those secret books after all. Please keep this. YES! NO! Marcus and Wil kill that assassin really dead. Wil gets a great level. That may have been the last one. Almost forgot this is a village. Hoveryboard Loyvern on a rampage. Excellent! Markyrie gets S staves...again. And keeps it. I miscalculated and he got hit by 5 knights, survived, and then this mage fucked him up real good. Fortunately I savestated at the beginning of the turn, Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (2), Rebecca (1), Lowen (3), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1), Guy (2), Dorcas (2), Wil (1) So strong. Hp is good. So is resistance. 50% of every single purchase! You're good, and you got speed, so I won't complain. Same with you. Everyone takes turns taking potshots at Aion; Wil seals the deal with a nice level. Loyvern starts taking out Kishuna's bodyguard. Bartre helps. Hecher, with Markyrie's help, kills the Extra! sage. Not sure who to use that on; probably Serra or Eliwood. Don't fail me now, Markyrie. Why can't you proc defense like that in vanilla? I am almost certain I will not use you. Dorcas with a slim sword, Guy with a steel lance, and Bartre with a slim sword crit, kill Kishuna for lulz. THE END!

I must admit, I'm curious to see whether this is even possible.

[spoiler=The real Chapter 19] One that we can't even use yet. Marquess Pheraee: Freer of Bros and Babes. Nice addition. Yes, but he likes it rough. No...just...no... HECHER TAKES OFFENSE TO THIS THINLY VEILED INSULT That's funny, I thought son got changed to something else. Klok, you disappoint me. Ruh roh. He was gonna make you his personal fellatrix, Leila. Enter the Angel of Death. Foreshadowing. <insert long, drawn-out howl of anguish and despair here> Won't that make the mice angry? Ephidel must never have seen an angry mouse. They're fucking terrifying. Is that the dragoon sprite? I thought Leila was a shaman. "Nah, she's just pining for the fjords." Enter Sandman. I swear, I did not think of the racism embedded in that last comment. But now that I have, I'm going to post it anyway. Uhai went to prom alone and has been feeling anguished about that ever since. That's funny. I could have sworn it used to say she had bad growths. A small look at what I'm going to deal with. Goods. Not so good. The crew. End of first turn. I killed things. Now I'm hoping other things won't kill me, in turn. Somehow, they didn't. Levels and things. I don't like that valkyrie. I shall get rid of it. DAMNIT I FORGOT FLORINA Reset. I replaced Raven with Florina. Lucius will take on 2 pegasi, a nomad, and a pirate, and he will be fine, I hope. Not too sure what's gonna happen in the central part. No one died, or came close to dying. I use a savestate. Hecher takes out the falcoknight with the runesword and gets speed. I don't like you. Good day. Not bad at all, although you might benefit from a skill book soon. Bartre steals the robe because he has more hp and I don't have faith in Canas' dodging skills, as usual. Robe's gonna go to Lyn. Serra takes out the thief making a run for it and gets a torch staff, and Canas gets a lame level. Loyvern don't take shit from no one. End of turn 2. Bartre and Florina come dangerously close to dying; I think Florina came under fire at least 4 times but I didn't take pics because I was waiting to restart. FAITH REAFFIRMED. Hi. She starts off by almost dying too. Good fucking riddance. Longsword too OP Loyvern still not taking shit. That's no way to greet your sister, Florina! Really. I savestate at the beginning of the turn, then try to figure out how to get rid of the Tomahawk pirate. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2) That's the way to do it. :( Steel sword cav making a right nuisance of himself. And I only have 1 healer and like 4 vulneraries. Oops. Fortunately, something can be done about the former. I send Canas to hit a pirate on the only forest tile in reach, and he reveals OH SHIT HE'S IN SWORDSLAYER RANGE. And yet, he might survive, so I continue anyway. HALLELUJAH BLESS YOU MONK HALLELUJAH BLESS YOU CANAS Is it just me, or is my Serra def blessed? I replaced Canas with Wil, who kills the monk, but not before being hit, and now gets whacked on EP by the Luna shaman. And yet he has nothing to worry about. Savestate here. A chip by Wil... Ok, seems I didn't take a picture. What happened was Hector tried to finish off the berserker, missed, and got critted in return. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1) So I went back to the savestate, chipped with Wil again, burned some RNs, had Serra and Lyn kill some things, and... Hooray resistance. THERE'S the luna bastard. On EP, Canas survives 3 short bow and 1 steel bow attacks. The luna guy goes after Hector, as usual. I almost forgot about that. And there goes the Luna guy. Canas chips Uhai. Marcus and Wil get him out of the way... I meant to feed this kill to Wil, actually, but Hecher critted. He's gonna need this soon. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (2), Sain (2), Hector (1)

I guess her not appearing triggered it. I didn't get a game over, I proceeded to the next chapter.

[spoiler=That was easy...] Oh she's not dead yet! I prepare to scout with Canas. Use Torch... Running motion... I win? Anyone know what the hell happened here? EDIT: It seems doing anything with anyone ends the chapter. What do? EDIT2: Soft reset (Start select A B) makes it work again. Real chapter to follow soon.

[spoiler=The rage is beginning] Hecher confirmed Jesus. This is good news, right? Fog-enshrouded isles are always good news. "You...left...the...stove...on...you...dummkopf..." NEVER SHOTS FIRED Real pirates don't cry, Lyn. 10 bucks says it's Nergal Hecher still has no respect for authority. Oh. So...not Nergal. For some reason, I always laugh at this line. This line, on the other hand, makes me cringe. Isn't it supposed to be "Such a gentleman"? I wonder if IS watched Doctor Who. Isn't Davros the creator of the Daleks? Can't fix a ship and fight at the same time? YOU PANSIES Solution: Plug the holes with the corpses of your enemies. Humans don't have gizzards, you fool. Or are we being attacked by... Elimage heroically runs to the fore. If 'we' means 'I', then I totally agree with that statement. Hector is MVP this chapter. I guess he could be a bird under that hood. Want. Don't like that resistance overmuch. Paging Dr. Lucius. Hoi Canas, there's a job for you on deck. Excellent. Lyn needs a 1 range axe. I'm sure the rest will be useful too. Pathetic compared to the swordslayer. 3 range locked...but with that might and crit, it won't matter. Some boosters. I think I'm gonna use Marcus for some time, hence the icon. Still have 2 skill books and no idea who to give them too; might sell them for funds cause I'm seriously running low. The members of the Gizzard Creators: Raven, Serra, Lucius, Marcus, Canas, Hector, Sain, Lowen, Dorcas, Lyn, and Wil. My first attempt. It was a crit :( Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (1) Attempt 2. He got gang-banged by the pegasi. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (1), Canas (1) Attempt 3. Looking good! Turn 1 successful. Savestate here and yoink the whip. Raven's 2% luck growth manifests itself. Definitely using him. Muahahaha. This will probably be handy next chapter. Notstrength/10 These guys are all that's left by the end of turn 2. That knight has a steel lance, so Lucius is the perfect one to counter him. Reinforcements. Holy crap look at that crit. That being said, it's still kinda meh. Strength/10. Sex Panzer will envelope more enemies in miasma with this. Wil level/10. I never get tired of seeing Hecher get tinked. Sex panzer is placed to lure the Nosferatu heretic, who crits him. GODDAMNIT. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (1), Canas (1), Sain (1) Same level. Capped speed at level 13? Wish you had a little more def, but then you wouldn't be a thief. Definitely like this guy. He got doubled by the Luna dude... Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (1), Canas (1), Sain (2) NEW IDEA: Hecher "tanks" Luna. Canas got a hp-skill-res level, I forget what Dorcas got. Nice. 4 turns later: the situation. Hector's been tanking like a pro. Thank god Luna doesn't have crit anymore; that'd be ridiculously OP. Up till now, I've just been killing things. Now, I may have to retreat and reload. Gotta love Hoverboard Loyvern. Hector's done his job correctly. You're OK, so I won't yell at you. You, on the other hand... DOESN'TMATTERGOTSTRENGTH/10 A single solitary tear carves a runnel through my face. Well. Good time to get some different levels, I suppose. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (1), Sain (2) :D :S I didn't want to figure out how to avoid getting someone killed by the southern reinforcements, so I just killed as many as I could and ended the chapter. Dorcas went to buy a heal staff, got 2k cash left now. He's a berserker and he's ok He sleeps all night and slays all day Yeah, no thanks to you. They were a match for 5 of your comrades, however. Wait...people actually bleed when they die? I thought their corpses just vanished into thin air. ...for the blood god? PREPOSTEROUS Hecher really enjoys riling up Lyn. It's funny. Yeah, they wore 0/0/0 robes. Not like every other black robes, those all have some impurities. Look! It's Frat Boy! Lyn: "I swear to Bitch Earth, I'm gonna kill you Hecher." Starring Mel Gibson, Jim Caviezel, and Christine Hendricks as Leila. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (2), Oswin (2), Lyn (2), Canas (1), Sain (2)

I rigged 2 out of 4 of his levels. I'm sure that if I fed him the gang that only moves if you get into range, he'd get 3-4 levels, of which I'd need 2 to be speed. With a 55% growth, that's a (3 choose 2)(.55^2)(.45) - (4 choose 2)(.55^2)(.45^2) = 36.8%-40.8% chance of occurring. Not impossible. But I didn't feel like trusting to luck, so I just decided to rig and feed some xp to Raven and Lucius.

[spoiler=Lyn Refuses to Interact with her Ilk!] Well, doesn't that just strike fear into the Stygian depths of my soul. YOU MAY BE RIGHT I MAY BE CRAZY BUT I JUST MAY BE THE LUUUUNATIC YOU'RE LOOKING FOR Hypocrisy at its finest. Go get plastered and come back. Wouldn't that be a good thing? Hecher revels in Lyn's misery Eliwood: "Call me babe one more time..." Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to tell people they're old, Hector? You could always kneel at...other people's feet...if ya know what I mean... Dart looks like he belongs at a frat party. Then again, a pirate gang is kind of a frat party in a nutshell. Dart for white Mr. T. Hell of a party, mate. Won't you be, ya know, dead? The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. Oh cool, you agree. I'm not sure I like the idea of fun proposed by a rather obese elderly man. What is this, Marco Polo? Also, who turned out the lights? YOU ARE A PIRATE YOURSELF LYN, GET OVER IT. Er, excuse me. A corsair. So...a slightly snobby pirate? To start with, I send out Bartre with a torch, ferried by Madame de Troubadour and Loyvern. What I find is not terribly encouraging. Especially the earth seal that seems out of reach. But soft! Is that a thief with decent speed I see? Yes it is! Bartre, you're fired. *is reminded of PFOD* Shit, you're temporarily rehired. Lackluster? Look at that resistance, skill, and speed! Sure, his Hp, strength, and defense are a little low, but I can work with this. Although I don't think I have room to use him this run. We'll see. Nothing new and outlandish here; there's a fuckton of pirates and not much else. To begin with, Madame de Troubadour evolves into... MARKYRIE! It's easier to type, too. Fun fact I didn't notice until the end of the mission: Valkyries can use anima in this hack. Raven and Lucius badly need some levelling up, Loyvern's there to loot the houses, Markyrie's obviously there to heal (and maybe kick ass), and Guy's there to tank. Overall, a good setup, I feel. No, you're a mage. Also, it seems that Raven's convo overrides Lucius', you'll only see the latter if Raven isn't in this party. And we're off with a bang and some extra crispy pirate. USELESS! It's got 1 range (ok), 6 weight (excellent), 1 might (what the fuck), 70 hit (decent), 15 crit (not bad), and the backfire thing. Gonna sell this. Hang on a second... *Looks in nightmare* Oh. OH. OOOOOOOOOOOH. Never mind, hanging on to this :D You'll find out why later. On EP, this is all that happens. Besides the approaching FUCK YOU SWORDMASTERS and FUCK YOU HORSEMASTERS. You can see Swordslayer to the SW, the halberd one is right behind him. This is perfect. Bring it on, bitch. Guy's waiting. Canas takes Lucius' place to the north because he needs speed gains. I think I rigged 2/4 of them. Bugger off. Sure, that works. Just stay down there for now. I'll let you know when I'm ready. WHAT NOW BITCH (This is the highlight of the chapter, frankly) To the north, Canas perches on a forest cause he can't dodge shit. Two iron axes await him. To the west, Halberd is a little more nervous now that he's witnessed the death of Swordslayer...ah, who am I kidding. The AI doesn't know anything besides CHAAAARGE Lucius can't double Halberd, unfortunately, and he gets 1 hit with a ~35 chance. I decide to kill the iron axe behind him and leave halberd alone for the moment. LUCIUS GETS DEFENSE YES YES YES Damien got tired of Merlinus blowing raspberries at him from halfway across the map and goes in search of easier pray. Lucius misses both counters. WHEW Excellent, Didn't rig this one, otherwise I'd have gone for something better. O SHIT O SHIT O SHIT O SHIT I think he crit the halberd guy. Can't remember. Oplz oplz oplz This doesn't look much better. And yet, it does. Damien's got his steel sword equipped (I think he went for Canas, with like a 6% hit chance). oh BABY I think Sex panzer and Lucius are fighting for my affection. It's so cute. Guy not care about weapon triangle. Steel lances are the shit, btw. The only one who can get hit here is Lucius. I savestated at some point during this turn. Canas opens things up by not dodging, and then missing one of the counters. Jesus. I have no words. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't mess with Luscious Lucius. I think I had to rig this one. I'm not sure how quickly Canas can gain xp, so I decide to feed this cavalier to him, as soon as he gets his speedy ass down here. Meanwhile, Lucius takes lances to the face. 4 turns later...(he kept missing with the killing edge, so I got him a slim sword from Merlinus' horde). For Hecher. I don't know what's wrong with healer AI, but even though that cav had 4 hp for 2 turns, the troubadour (which was right behind it the whole time), did jack shit. And then it just hung around, like that one guy at the party that no one likes and can't take a hint that it's time to piss off. Didn't rig this level. Bring on the pain. The pain has been brought. Operation GTFO (except Hecher) is a go. His defense is so godly that the killer axe can't kill him, even with a crit, and the killer bow can't even hit. He crit the archer. The rest of the troop doesn't last long. I did have to rig that last Canas level. One last pirate remains. Loyvern traded Guy the killing edge last turn so he wouldn't be with WTD. Maybe I'll actually use this for once? I'll put Zephiel to sleep and let the Black Fang kill him. Duly noted. When can I buy lancereavers? Not until FFO. Great. They said it couldn't be done. I didn't know that leaving a unit next to Fargus without talking to him automatically ends the chapter. Fortunately, Markyrie went and bought a heal staff and a couple of thunders and lightnings earlier. Aye, an' she can spit and curse with th' best o' ye! Well...I did promote Marcus... Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1), Oswin (2), Lyn (1)

[spoiler=Introduction of L^4 (Ladies Love Luscious Lucius) (Part 2)] Sex panzer 1 hits his guy; while it takes 3 to kill the other. Sex panzer too stronk. Guy reaches D lances. Cavilla chips, Dorcav whips, and gets an ok level. Thief status: REALLY DEEP SHIT. Also, look at that defense. That's 1 dracoshield and a 15% growth. LOOK AT IT. Of course, now that I said that, she'll never proc def again. She's also in range to lure and kill the javelin knight on the other side of the wall. Wil doesn't do great. Serra does better. Good level though. The knight moved one space back to this. Excellent. "And that, Lucius, is how you make smores." Dorcas reaches A lances. I might promote him soon; I'm usually a stickler for promoting at level 20, but in this hack I might need to make exceptions. Especially for the non-mounted mage promotions. Sex panzer kicks ass and takes names (and then promptly forgets the names). Bartre comes out of hiding to deliver divine retribution and gains SPEED. I savestate after this very nice levelup because I'm sure I'm gonna fuck up in the near future. On EP, Bernard's other loyal vassal attempts to destroy Raven and pays the price. I KNEW I was gonna fuck up. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1), Oswin (2), Lyn (1) New setup: Lyn is placed so she only gets hit by the nomad, instead of both nomad and cavalier. So everyone picks on Bartre instead. He picks back. Dorcav does not like steel swords. Baby will you be mine? Bartre so THWOMP Raven FINALLY recruits Luscious Lucius. The rapier exchanges the 20 crit of the katti for 2-3 range. Not bad. Also has +5 def. Was hoping Hecter would crit, but of course he didn't, so Serra needed to step up. The situation. Bernard's the only one left. Great penultimate level! You poor fools... Lucius and Bernard exchange blows, conveniently staying out of spear range. Gotten from healing Lucius. At least it's strength... ...did you hide your last will and testament? Cause that always works in the movies. IT'S THE SHE-DEVIL! RUN! This is my new band name. I seriously cannot stop laughing. Brendan's been cuckolded, it seems. That's what I get for mindlessly sacrificing those two brave, loyal, soldiers. Well, a soldier and a wyvern knight, to be precise. YES! NO! A side note: Parent(s) was replaced by owner(s); I figured that out after Lyn said something along the lines of "you're too young to know the loss of an owner" and Matthew wanted to take Leila to meet his owners. Unfortunately, I didn't react in time to screeny. I guess that explains why apparent became apowner. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1), Oswin (2), Lyn (1) @Klok: I have a spreadsheet with weapon stats, new classes, and growths, but not the bases. Perhaps we can share?

[spoiler=Introduction of L^4 (Ladies Love Luscious Lucius) (Part 1)] See, I don't understand this. Hecher and allies supposedly go to a different castle. And yet, this scene shows them entering the same castle that was guarded by Bauker. Or does everyone's castle exterior look identical? Soldiers don't phase me. Everything else does, though. And whose fault is it that you're not proc'ing strength, hmm? Yes. Lets. And then I'm going to take a nice long nap on that throne. SUCK IT BITCHES. Sure enough, on Hecher's nap-throne...there's a general. I am not going to find out if he has an uber-spear or not. The goodies du jour: A luna tome. The only siege tomb in this hack. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE LUNA FFS? Also, a hammer, which has pretty nice stats. I never really liked this line. I know it's to give a hint that there's a recruitable character there, but it's just so jarring. Besides, there's not just 1 person that wants Hecher dead, there's about 20-30. Raven will just have to get in line. On another note, is it ever explained why Raven hates House Ostia? New units. Definitely gonna use these guys. Rapier gives Lucius a +5 def bonus, which he desperately needs with his 10% def growth. The setup. Marcus, Guy, Serra, Dorcas, Hector, Lyn, Priscilla, Wil, Sain, and Bartre. I decided not to bring Loyvern because there's a fuckton of archers and Eliwood's running out of Thunder uses, and I can't get a new one until next chapter (I think, maybe it's 18). SEX PANZER envelops an enemy in a miasmic fog. Wil needs some strength; even with an effective weapon he can only hit 13 on knights. Hecher needs some speed; he can't double and he almost never crits. Same with Guy. Serra flickers out of existence briefly. Dorcav can't double most of the time either, but he's got pretty good strength and can 1 hit a lot of things. I think Marcus rescued Hecher out of the way so Lyn could finish off his archer. Lyn's kinda strange; she has 70% skill and speed growths and 60% resistance, so she's set up to be a mage tank, while Rebegand has a 55% defense growth. Guess they really do complement each other. The setup. There's a few nasties to the north, including a silver sword cavalier. SOLDIER STANDS NO CHANCE AGAINST ANGRY RAVEN That's not a nice way to speak to MVP #2... Said nasties appear, and Lyn is almost killed. I forget what her axe rank is now. Sex panzer too stronk. So is BARTRE THE BASTARD. Madame de Troubadour gets a shitty level. Hector's a fucking tank; I wish Wil and Rebegand turned out like this in vanilla FE. Dorcav kills the last pesky archer and is also in range to lure the shaman heretic to the west on EP. It obliges. That could have gone badly, since she was rescuing Bartre to get him to the chests faster. Back on PP, Guy finishes off the shaman/heretic (I forgot to check what it actually is). Sex panzer does some black magic and gets 66.7% of a THWOMP level. Not bad...some strength would be nice though. That's actually really nice. And probably really expensive. I'll stick to thunder for the moment (I forget this later on). A whole lot of trouble headed my way. I make a savestate here because I'm sure something's gonna go wrong. Every single one of those was crits, lol. Lyn almost dies again and fails to proc strength again. Business as usual. She seriously needs some HP, so I'm happy she gets that at least. BARTRE THE BASTARD ransacks the castle treasury. I randomly decide to make Guy hit the archer near Raven. To my surprise, he actually hits. And gets speed and B swords. Gotta work on his lance rank now. Cavilla's last in line here, so I get out of Raven's range and prepare to recruit him next turn. It's actually a good thing that there's 2 of them; they both loot a chest and then I can kill them, rather than having to wait for Bartre to get his bulky ass up there. So brother = senpai, sister = pest, father = onii-chan, and mother = Bitch. Got it. And infinite use unlock staff? I like!...I think...actually, there's not very many places where it can be used. If only it could unlock chests too...but that's probably hard to program since I think staff effects are partially hard-coded. After recruiting Raven, I positioned Dorcav and Hecher to take out the Hammer fighter and archer, respectively. It works. The thieves loot a silver sword and a knight's crest. Hopefully I can reach them in time. The Caelin soldiers' ears perk up. How thoughtful of you. Would it kill you to start heading in my direction? ANSWER: Yes. Can't crit with a killer bow, but does crit with an iron bow. /LOGIC Well...maybe I shouldn't write you off just yet. Not that I was planning to. I swear. On EP, one of thieves attempts to run away, but its stupider compatriot decides to stand its ground. STOP, THIEF! Thief was stopped. Can't crit with a short bow, either. But he gets resistance so it's all ok. Reinforcements are gonna show up soon, so I send a squad to protect the tent (still can't get over the fact it can move; if you'll pardon the pun, that was a brilliant move.) The steel sword thief is trapped in the other treasure room and is too stupid to break down the wall. So he decides to whale on Cavilla. Hits once and misses once. Raven puts on a splendid pyrotechnical display for Lucius. Cavilla chips the reinforcement in the middle for Dorcas to finish, so Serra moves to ensure the thief realizes he's in deep shit. Meanwhile to the south, I don't have faith in Bartre surviving 2 attacks, so I move him into a safe corner. Will ya look at that. NPCs that aren't useless. Why are you even trying. NOES! HE BE STEALING MAH EXPS!

Fargus.

From my cursory look at Nightmare, there's only 2 more fliers, and one of them is a prepromote (although holy shit those growths), and the other has a 20% hp growth and 25% strength. Not really seeing the appeal here. I guess you could make Geitz a flier too, though. I'm not using Erk because of PFOD; I'm already abusing the hell out of Serra and probably Lucius, so I don't want to accidentally get the wrong map. Will definitely use Raven; I like mages, and I like 3 tier promotions.

[spoiler=Fear of the Dark (Part 2)] Serra comes down from the mountain for 2 reasons: to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and she's all out of gum. A brigand reinforcement is met with another of Dorcav's 1 use iron lances and Rebegand's iron axe, and gets a really nice level. Sain starts chipping at the jukebox hero; then Kent and Florina get him out. He's doing 19 damage per hit. I already like this guy. Wil and Lyn take out the southeastern brigand reinforcement. I hope for a crit and am disappointed. Stealing things is wrong fun! Elimage tries to clean up Hecher's mess and instead contrives to make it worse. Thankfully, Loyvern knows how it's done. Barely. Unfortunately, Loyvern's antics put him at risk of being majorly fucked up next turn, so Cavthew has to do something for a change. I guess this must be next turn, since I think I cleared everything that could have hit me during EP. So all that's left is the steel sword user and the ballista. Next turn, I use a savestate and Loyvern spins like a dervish. Some other things happen; Bartre and Hecher shoot some mooks. The ballista guy decides Loyvern and his arrow weakness are a more inviting target, and the steel sword cavalier aims for Show Jumper Extraordinaire. Curses, I can't kill you off-hand! You have goodies! YES! Wil crits. I don't think I've ever seen a soldier crit before; it's not very fancy. VERY curious to see his promoted class. He levels important stats, I won't complain. Madame de Troubadour heals Loyvern and gets B staves. No Strength, he finally got speed so he can potentially double SOMETHING. I use a savestate at the beginning of this turn, then send Sex Panzer to roll over the hero. He does so with aplomb and gets a great level. The situation up north: Baitwin is there to bait the mage with the fire tomb (2-3 range) while the thunder mage (1-2) sits tight, and Matthew (or Dorcav, I can't remember) lures the archer on the ballista. Precisely as intended. Not precisely as intended. Good...good...Bartre's in danger from the thunder mage, but he should be able to tank it, providing the mage doesn't crit. SPOILER: He survives. I like you more and more, Dorcav. At least it's speed. Saint finally finishes off the hero and gets a nice level. AND FUCKWIN RUINS IT ALL (the mage critted). (I told you Bartre survives...) Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1), Oswin (1) Back to the savestate. Just a reminder of what it looked like. The new levels. Nothing great. Dorcav lures the archer and Baitwin lures the fire mage again... If looks could kill, Fuckwin...(this time, the thunder mage critted). Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1), Oswin (2) Ok, good. Operation KEEP FUCKWIN AWAY FROM EVERYTHING Still nice. Sure. (He gets the talisman again). It's speed. SEE FUCKWIN? THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE. Annoying mage taken care of. Rebegand gets A axes from that kill, so Guy will now get the steel axe to bring up his rank. Meanwhile, the western front, formerly quiet, has now erupted into a flurry of activity of angry cavaliers with iron lances and javelins. Serra and Hecher are busy repressing it. Steel sword cav goes bye-bye. I completely forgot about this. Dunno who this is gonna go to. Serra caps speed :D. Eliwood and Guy start wearing down Bauker. Kent and Florina work on bringing Hecher over from beating up cavaliers, since I forgot this is a seize map, while Loyvern makes his way to the shops to buy stuff. Incidentally, my compliments to Klok on the knight's axe/bow/sword animations; the axe crit looks like they're spinning a frisbee really quickly and it looks cool. important stats. Was trying to finish chipping with Guy and feed Elimage the kill, but Guy was having none of it. He gets probably the best 1 stat level-up he can get. I buy like 30 of these. It was that damn mustache. Somehow, I keep forgetting Lyn and Hector never met. Hecher too pro for professors. Uh...hey pot, this is kettle speaking? You're a bloody corsair, Lyn. What's life without decapitating a few aides in the mad rush to the dinner table? Oh yes, Darin. Even Bauker. Me too. <insert lecherous grin emoji here> Ooh! I love alliteration! Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Oswin (2) So, how do you guys feel about these posts? Too many pictures? Too much of the same stuff? Commentary not amusing? I'm sure I'm not the one responsible for 130 views. At least, I hope I'm not. Also, I need to figure out who I'm going to keep using, since the latest influx of newbies means I won't be able to field everyone. People I'm definitely gonna use till endgame: Hector (Hecher) Eliwood (Elimage) Lyn (Lynsair?) Serra (MVP) Lucius (Luscious Lucius, or LL for short) People I'm going to use because they're required for Jerme's version of PFOD, and maybe later on if they don't suck too bad: Dorcas (Dorcav) Bartre (THE BASTARD) Guy (too badass for a nickname) Raven (Magven?) People I'm gonna use until someone better comes along (assuming that even happens): Marcus (only healer at the moment until I promote a mage user, and I don't have many of those). Wil (Wildier) Rebecca (Rebegand) Sain (Sex Panzer) Lowen (Loyvern) People I'm on the fence about: Kent (He's apparently the worst flier, but he's still a flier. Plus, I'm hoping triangle attack is still a thing. Florina (Her low con and strength means she has to use the heavier stuff to even hit) Oswin (I didn't want to use him in the beginning because he's an xp hog, but I probably could still start using him now). People I definitely won't use unless necessary: Matthew (Cavthew) Erk (Prince) Priscilla (Cavilla) Thoughts?

[spoiler=Fear of the Dark (Part 1)] I think this song perfectly summarizes this chapter. off in 3...2...1... How can he be a snake with a nose that big? Damnit, Switzerland. (I'm Swiss, I'm allowed to make these jokes.) The bears have escaped? King? KING? We have the world's oldest democracy, I'll have you know! Switzerland invading. Now that's something no one expected to see happen, I'm sure. I detect sarcasm. What is it now, Your Vigilantiness? ARE THE BEARS COMING HERE? Oh. So THAT'S where His Royal Hissy-Fit went. Eliwood sheds a tear for his waifu (I think I used that right) Who is this Leroy Jenkins you speak of? And it should be obvious that you're not gonna like it. For some reason, grandonii-chan just doesn't sit well with me. You may want to look at this, Klok. Foreshadowing. Your horse's wings have been clipped, dear. This is true. She now has a whopping 5 Constitution! Sain's in luuuuuurve It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...Monty Python's Flying Circus! "And she's about to fall on your dainty head!" Eliwood's "I-just-stepped-on-a-lego-brick" expression is quite a sight to behold. Is she...dead? With that armor on, I'm pretty sure that hurt her more than you, Hector. TIL: Hector's armor is made of marshmallows. You and your amazing mustache are in for a world of pain, Bub-ker. Finally, something that isn't storyline! I have Serra wear the robe because MVPs get the MVP treatment. The setup. Brought Baitwin and Cavthew cause why not. They do end up doing useful things. Sain's a Heretic, which seems to be what shaman's got renamed to. Or maybe it's a new class, I dunno. Sorry I don't have pics of stats for the others. Starting to have trouble deciding who I want to keep training; so many damn good units! To begin with, I make a savestate. Bartre uses a torch, then Madame de Troubadour and Loyvern ferry him out for a look-see. Looks like a job for BARTRE THE BASTARD. Who thankfully has enough speed to steal everything except a vulnerary from a 12-speed merc. Nothing major. Hecher opens things up with a crit on a myrmidon. Looking good mate! Dorcav doubles, Loyvern doesn't, I accidentally move Bartre too far back to steal the lockpick from the thief. Oh well. The Caelin troops: Wil prepares to greet the steel lance wielding pegasi near Bauker and Kent is primed for whatever merc is hiding out there (I couldn't see one but i was sure it was there). Everyone loves Dorcav. I KNEW IT Ballista archer picks Lyn. Good thing I stuck her on a forest tile. As usual, attacking Serra is pretty much always a bad idea, unless you can 1 hit her. Ditto with Hector. I was not expecting that...it could have had some unpleasant consequences. Bartre's too far away to steal the thief's lockpick, as I mentioned earlier, but is not too far away to deliver an almighty ass-whooping. Elimage gets a crappy level. Looks like I was mistaken; those pegasi had javelins, not steel lances. Flux is good. Like, 6 weight 15 might 100% accuracy good. AND Sain's growths got a boost. He's definitely going to be used. ALL HAIL SEX PANTHER (how did that name even come to be, anyway?) Iron axe weight makes WTD insignificant, and Dorcav doubles them. That's a crit. So's that. I'm a little on the fence about Florina; on one hand she's got a fast support with Lyn, but I'm the kind of guy who prioritizes Strength (maybe not a great idea, but idc) and she doesn't fall on the right side of the fence there. Plus I have a bunch of units I pretty much HAVE to use already. We'll see. Kent gets a Heavy Spear and gets the hell out of hand-axe hero's range. Don't want to mess with that guy. The spear's got surprisingly decent stats; it'll probably make an appearance next chapter with all those knights. I forgot to mention there's someone near Bauker with a steel sword who likes picking on Lyn; if both it and the ballista hit, there's gonna be trouble. Oh hello. That's an iron lance with 1 use I was trying to use up, so I was really happy he doubled. Rebegand finishes it off (holy hell she can double too!). Kinda funny that I said the iron blade looked like a shittier mani katti last chapter, and whatdya know. Important stats...good, good. I wonder when I get a guiding ring. I hope it's soon. Although I could use the earth seal I get from Bauker, I suppose. Doesn't double, thankfully. Serra on a mountain is practically unstoppable. Especially with 55% hitrate weapons. You are sincerely getting annoying. I know you have WTA, but still. Stop it. Wil traded his vulnerary for Lyn's blue gem last turn, so he sells that and goes and buys some door keys, cause why not. I might need them. I HAVE FOUND THE ELIXIR OF LIFE!

[spoiler=The good, the bad, and the ugly] And take him to the cotillion, where they have a grand ol' time, causing Erik to harbor a grudge for the next 20 years until FE6 rolls around. Can't have been that diligent, then. Better than The Doll of Heath. Oswin, you're fired. Hector: "Oswin, I'm re-hiring you, just so I can fire you again." How do you know that? You haven't seen them yet. That's Legault's title. HOW DARE HE? I'll settle his hash whenever he dares to show up. Dude, it's a chair. A rather ornate one, yes, but still. IT'S A FUCKING CHAIR. Just give them the throne and keep the castle. Just a note to Klok, assuming he's reading this. Perhaps you may want to update Heath's map sprite here, since he's not a wyvern knight anymore. He's not a mercenary, dumbass. THE GOOD. (There's also a nomad with a steal-able red gem that I forgot to take a picture of. THE BAD. THE UGLY is currently closed for renovation. Thank you for your interest. Still not sure who to give the secret book too. I might sell it for weapons later, but for now I shall hold onto it. The setup. Notice I took Packmulewin again; he's on bait duty again. Ok, Guy. Hector breaks down the wall, Bartre lifts the robe, and Lowen opens up with a slim lance crit, thankfully (I didn't have to rig it). That's the NW clear for the moment. Eliwood decides not to crit. Rebegand makes sure he doesn't get doubled on EP, and Serra does what she does best: fencing. Meanwhile to the southeast, Guy doesn't crit either and gets a crappy level. Dorcas borrows the armorslayer and doesn't crit, but does double. Those steel lance wielding knights are potentially very annoying. Packmulewin borrows Guy's killing edge and neutralizes the last knight. Merlinus protects the throne by swaddling it. Whatever it takes. Madame de Troubadour prepares Loyvern for EP in case that iron lance soldier decides to go north. Packmulewin becomes Baitwin. It's easier to type. He does his job well. You can't see it, but Sealen missed. The last soldier leaves Loyvern alone and goes for Rebegand instead. I forgot to trade Guy a 2-range weapon when I lent out his armorslayer/killing edge. Oh well. He's got the highest def out of everyone. The second archer can't reach Guy, so he settles for Oswin. I don't think he doubled. Back on PP, I savestate. Loyvern starts us off by ignoring WTD. Since iron axes are so heavy (something like 20 weight), he can double them quite easily. There goes the last soldier. A reinforcement means a grisly demise. In retrospect, I probably should have let him at least open the door before killing him. Oh well. Eliwood gets speed. Hooray! Killing all around. Dorcas doubles a mage in a hard-to-reach area before it can cause trouble (fire has 2-3 range). Rather than risking trouble on EP, I decide to let Baitwin kill the nomad with the brave bow. FYI -- range means 3. A strange bug. Merlinus baits the merc with the iron sword. Sword vs tent ends poorly for tent. Sealen switches to longbow, which was unexpected, but quite nice. It means I can attack with impunity (he sacrificed 1-3 range for 1 range). Even with a silver bow, the nomad is no match for Guy (this is the one with the red gem). The situation after EP. Loyvern's got 2 enemies NW instead of 1, Hector's squaring to face off against a iron sword merc, red gem nomad is cruisin' for a brusin', and Sealen and 2 reinforcements (I think a merc and a myrmidon, both with iron swords) are to the south. I savestate here. Lowen starts us off, without a crit, but a pretty nice level. I think this is his first decent one. Eliwood chips; Dorcas can't 1 hit so Rebegand chips with Erk's steel axe, and then Dorcas kills. And gets a shitty level and C lances out of it. And more importantly, a statbooster. Probably gonna save this one for Luscious Lucius. Guy kills the red gem nomad. I forgot it had it at the time and couldn't be bothered to restart. Merlinus, done baiting, moves back onto the throne to somehow heal. My fears were well-founded, alas. Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1) Do things differently: Instead of letting Loyvern handle things on his own, I send BARTRE THE BASTARD to take out the hand axe bandit (he can 1 hit it), while Loyvern kills the iron axe bandit. I remember the red gem, so instead of killing it, Guy chips Sealen. Hector takes out the tent murderer. Eliwood tries to chip and misses, so I head Rebegand over and accidentally hit the wrong guy. RESET! Lowen gets a nice level (I think the same as earlier), BARTRE GETS SPEED (AND GETS TO KEEP IT HOLY SHIT), Elimage misses, Rebegand chips the right guy this time, and Dorcav finishes off Sealen... ...at least it's not just HP this time. Merlinus is avenged. Again. i count squares. Serra can make it in time to kill the Extra! knight with the warp staff. So far, it hasn't moved; I'm guessing its AI is set to 'attack if in range'. Dorcav dodges like a pro. And gets a THWOMP level. Madame de Troubadour can sew, like a true gentlewoman. Can't level worth jack shit, though. I carefully place him so that... he lures the nomad. I love it when the AI follows expectations. Serra's primed to kill the knight on the last turn, and BARTRE is poised to raid the castle armory. Here's where I think I should have let that thief live; I might have been able to raid both chests. As it is, I need to waste one turn opening the door. Oh well. I have never used one of these. But I'll probably need to start. Good enough for me; red gem > mend staff Hooray! What's next for our intrepid crew of misfits? FOG? FUCK YOU KLOK inb4it'snotactualfog Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1), Lowen (1) @klok: I'll send you a save file (assuming I figure out how to do so) once (if) I reach it. I assume you've done Geitz's FFO?

[spoiler=Erk vs Erik (Part 2)] The pegasus knight obliges. Loyvern being safely out of the way, the nomad sets its sights east. Hecher shoots those dreams away. Loyven prepares for trouble. If only you had one more strength, Elimage. Oh, that's what you got? Isn't that awfully obliging of you. Serra removes Oswin's harasser from this plane of existence. Dorcav finishes off Elimage's knight (don't worry, it's not the one with the book). The nomad tries again. And fails. I know this has been asked before, but how does a tent dodge? Another use gone. Hoverboard Loyvern steal's Cavilla's slim lance and makes good use of it. Got lucky there, Serra would have been doubled. The situation. Notice that group of cavaliers, they will be important later. Dorcas eliminates 1. Guy waltzes over and borrows the armourslayer, than proceeds to not crit. Hector then shows him how it's not. Would have been nice if that had been reversed, because then I could have eliminated all 3. Especially given what happens. BARTRE THE BASTARD finally yoinks the secret book. Matthew chips for someone, I can't remember who, but they are unable to do so, so Oswin gets the kill. I think that's the last one. And now that I gave Serra the dracoshield she takes a hint and starts proc'ing defense (15% growth). EP commencing. Hopefully that last cav won't do anything stupid. HOLY SHIT IT WAS THE POISON SWORD ONE. THE ONLY ONE I SHOULD NOT HAVE LEFT ALIVE. Thankfully he misses, since he would have 1 hit Elimage. I don't remember Elimage critting, but I guess he must. Savestate here. I pray that Hecher crits. YES! (Speed would be nice, but I'm not complaining) Not bad, but she falls on the wrong side of her 50% strength growth. That's B axes, I think. Ok, Madame de Troubadour. Cleanup. Enemies: 1 cavalier (iron lance), the steel sword myrmidon, and a pirate that had been cooling his heals on a fort after Lowen showed him the true weapon triangle. He was 1 xp off a level, so I had him hit the myrmidon. He missed, of course. Not bad, but still not speed. I dunno why I did this, but oh well. Loyvern's on like 7 hp here. Myrm doubles the tent; the tent dodges both. Go figure. Ow. Guy needs to build up his bow rank for reasons. And Dorcas needs to build up his lance rank too. NO ONE HITS MADAME DE TROUBADOUR AND GETS AWAY WITH IT And that's the end of it! No deaths this chapter, somehow. "We're going to the cotillion together!" "Fuck off, Hector." Character deaths: Serra (4), Matthew (4), Marcus (1), Rebecca (1)