Meldorn

I'm trying to limit myself to ten votes as well, though I might eventually cave as I come across more submissions I forgot about xD. So much talent, so few votes ;_; Also, I swear, if your story doesn't make the top ten I'm going to be actually angry. IT'S SO FREAKING GOOD. GAH. *collects self* Good luck!

In the interest of fairness, I'm going to try to vote for 5 draws and 5 writes/misc...if I can narrow it down to that. Don't want to leave my writing buddies hanging :P. I'm trying to come up with a good criteria for voting. I think I'll stick with, "Which submissions am I okay with beating the crap out of mine?" xD Good luck, everyone!

I think it's tied for 25th if you combine both writes and misc. If you're only looking at writes, then it's tied for 12th.

Totally off topic, but I had this lying around my screenshots folder and it reminded me of your story :P.

Thank you, Hakuramen! That's really encouraging to hear. When I write, I usually have a movie of what's happening in my head--that's why writing excites me so much. The hard part is describing what I'm seeing in such a way that other people can get excited about it too. I'm glad you had that experience. To me, the thought of moving a creative idea from one mind to another is a lot more satisfying than getting a few votes in a contest :P. Thanks for letting me know!

Yeah, only a little bit. Pay no heed to this bucket of tears next to me. xD

First off, great job! This is extremely good for having been written in a day. Heck, this is really good for a week's worth of writing. In terms of quality, you have little to worry about. Your execution of the setting and mood--that feeling of post-war trauma where the world is still dazed from conflict--is excellent. Your writing all throughout was thoroughly enjoyable as well. Like Balcerzak, I felt like the word choice was rather complicated--I had to look up quite a few words too--but that's not really a problem. It's impressive, but it breaks the flow of your reader's attention if they have to look too many words up xD. While the quality of the writing rarely falls short, the context of the writing and its plot progression were a bit confusing at times. Seeing that the entirety of the plot is the ceremony and the day leading up to it, your piece was incredibly strong when it focused on that event specifically. The atmosphere was perfect. However, when you broke that focus, it was a bit disorienting as a reader, especially since most of your readers are not familiar with Fates. In an otherwise emotional piece about a single event (the funeral) and the atmosphere surrounding it, Soleil's scenes were distracting to me, and drew my attention and emotion away from the tragedy and to what appeared to be a subplot. I didn't know where you were going with those scenes, as they had little bearing to the main plot event, and by the end I still didn't know how they affected the narrative. It seemed like a parallel storyline, not one that weaved into the first. And at that, a parallel storyline that was not as emotionally impactful as the main event. Again, your writing was not bad at any point in this story. It was amazing, and I'm low-key jealous xD. What's more, I haven't played Fates, so I might just be confused because I don't understand the context of the story. I just think it might have been more impactful if you hadn't drawn the reader's attention away from the weight of the death in question, and to an event with little bearing to it. If Soleil is important to the plot, it would be helpful to clarify how she ties in, beyond being the lover of a main character's child. In terms of the other scenes, I found the eldest siblings' sparring match only mildly distracting, and the tavern scene fit in perfectly. It's mostly the scene of the three girls talking that seemed out of place--a gossipy, girly scene amidst funeral preparations. And it certainly seemed strange to end on that subplot with your last scene after the supposed climax of the funeral. Hopefully that helps a little bit. All that to say, the story is awesome. With a little more emotionally consistency and a bit more context for the reader (if that's possible without breaking the flow of your narrative), I think it would be perfect. In fact, all the extra scenes that found their way into the story reminded me of a novel. It feels like this is just a small snapshot of a larger story that we can't see at the moment. If all these different subplots had been developed on their own, and were simply being referenced here, they would totally work. Because again, even in the scenes unrelated to the funeral, the writing is great. And it feels like all these scenes work together. But with the information I have, I just can't tell how they all relate. Seeing that I have no context of the larger story, it's just hard to put the pieces together. Even that gives the piece a sense of mystery that lends to its atmosphere. You don't know exactly what's going on or what has happened--you're just experiencing the raw emotions of the characters. That's the strength of the piece, so I would be wary about changing much. Just a little hint of context here and there should clue us in without spoiling that sense of mystery :P. A sentence here and there, subtly explaining relationships between characters, or previous plot events you're referencing, should do the trick. Goodness, I'm wordy right now. I'm gonna stop. Again, awesome job--and take all that with a grain of salt, because I loved the story. Hopefully this helps a bit. EDIT: Just saw your post saying this is part of a larger story of yours. That would explain the cohesiveness of your writing and why it all the scenes feel like they make sense together even if I have no clue why xD.

It's fine if any of the feedback you might have is nitpicky :P. It's nice to see how people perceive and react to your work, even if it is subjective. And from the awesome critiques you've left on the other works, I'm sure it would be helpful.

So, usually this is the part where I try to sound smart and give helpful feedback and stuff. Except I have nothing. Let's just say...if this doesn't make it to the next round, there will be crimson. Seriously though--fantastic work. In the top 3 of all the writing submissions in my mind. I actually loved the penultimate paragraph. It had very nice metering and flow to it, as well as tying the story back to all the other stories we've known for so long. The overall mood of the poem reminded me of The Charge of the Light Brigade, to be perfectly honest. It was amazing. BRAVO. *claps hands off* I can't say anything bad. Excuse me while I go cry in a corner for two Christmas themed fictional characters and their equally fictional ancestors.

I love a story that doesn't take itself seriously, and yet still works as a narrative. You struck that balance very well, and it sounds like you had fun with it too :P. Great job!

Wow. Like everyone else has said, your writing style is like a kind of poetry. Very emotional--it cuts to the chase and tells a story without having to burden the reader with the details. You simply portray the raw emotions with a hint of context, and that's enough. Again, the length is unusual for this contest, but it works for this piece. I think it's just right. :P

*in the contest

Great job! It's really long, and the scene comes across as very drawn out..but at the same time, that's the charm of the piece, I think. No jump-cuts, scene changes, or convenient transitions. Just a family interacting late at night, and the shenanigans therein :P. It came across as very genuine and real. It was very charming to read, even if it could be slightly trimmed down. Excellent characterization as well--everyone had a distinct voice. Even if you didn't say who was talking, I would have been able to tell based on your writing style. Awesome story!

Awesome story! Would you mind if I posted some constructive feedback?