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Saint Rubenio

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Everything posted by Saint Rubenio

  1. Ah, well, enjoy yourself with the family! A new restaurant's always a gamble. Hope it turns out well and you run to the shitter with a belly full of most tasty food.
  2. Well... Read a book, maybe? Go out for a walk?
  3. I gave the optional dungeon of Exit Fate a shot. I just beat a secret boss, so I'm as powerful as I could possibly be at this point. I got my ass handed to me by the first random encounter. Nice.
  4. Tsundere Nahman. "Sssssssssssssssssssssshhhhit, I hate these damn birds." Wastes 10 minutes putting them back in their cages so they don't get hurt trying to go through doors like him. Gotta love how Irrelevant Bald Man #2 could've lost Nahman a thousand times over if he had just ran and stopped dropping stuff on the floor. But he just had to employ those Dick Dastardly tactics. 'Cause they always worked out so well for that guy. I also love how Blake just spawns whenever the chase is over. Regardless of whether Nahman loses the perp, gets the everloving shit beaten out of him or successfully subdues him, Blake always manages to take exactly enough time to be completely useless. But then, that's his entire role in the game. Being a completely useless, criminally incompetent, irrelevant idiot. Sorry, there I go again. It's just so easy. Heavy Rain has enough problems to fill a book. You just pick any scene and you could write an essay detailing all the ways in which it's wrong. That sucks. Hope you recover swiftly.
  5. Oh, Scott is my favorite character in the game, by a long shot. I like most of them - I've always been fond of Nahman Jayden, for example, because he doesn't know how to open doors. But Scott is something else. Literally everything about him is hilarious. Like, you think the whole inconsistency with the bodyguards and the skinhead is bad? In one of the later stages of the game (which serves absolutely no purpose and has zero consequences to anyone or anything, by the way), he drives a car into a mansion and, provided the buttons are successfully pressed, singlehandedly takes out eighteen bodyguards with his magical pistol that doesn't need to reload and scores perfect killing headshots even when he doesn't aim or even look at his target. Even if he gets hit, by missing the QTE, he still scores the perfect headshot. And speaking of getting hit, before you fail, the man can tank two bullets. He just gets shot twice and is perfectly fine. Getting shot, even if it's just a flesh wound, really fucking hurts. But Scott is magical, so he randomly has the pain endurance of an android. Hey, maybe this was a prequel to Detroit all along! Oh, and the asthma? The only asthma attack he ever has is right at the start of the game, before the fight with Troy. And it doesn't even matter there, because he recovers perfectly in the two minutes it takes for him to start the brawl. That's it. He occassionally mentions keeping his inhalers handy "just in case", but the asthma has no more bearing on the plot. ...But at least it's not as bad as Ethan's blackouts. Ethan suffers two blackouts in the game, where he just loses consciousness and next he knows, he's standing on a specific street (the game even makes a point to show you the name of the street both times, to really drive home the point) and holding an origami figure in his hand. During the course of the second blackout, Ethan's son is kidnapped by the Origami Killer, jumpstarting the main conflict of the game. Ethan never suffers another blackout. The game proceeds to never explain what's up with those. There used to be an explanation, but it was a big dumb supernatural contrivance, and it was scrapped for being even more stupid than Heavy Rain's average stupidity... Except the blackouts were too important to get the plot started and Cagey didn't bother to write in another explanation or another way to kick things into action. So the blackouts just happen, until they don't, and you're supposed to accept it. Maybe that was Scott's magic, too. See, I just went ahead and wrote another five paragraphs about Heavy Rain without even trying. And you know why that is? It's because the game doesn't exist. It has so many holes that no proper surface exists. The entire thing is just a big hole. You can just jump from story problem to story problem in a conversation and end up writing an essay. It's very easy, and I love it for it. The only way for Heavy Rain to seem cool and well-written and impressive is if you don't think about it in the slightest for the entire duration of the game... Which, apparently, thousands of people did, considering the lasting impact and popularity of this rotten piece of shit. But at least it's fun to shit on this game. Beyond: Two Souls is just soulless. How ironic. I mean, FEH art isn't official either. It's commissions from unrelated artists that are deemed official because FEH happens to have the IntSys name attached to it. Sure. She can always get a new one from her good pal, Maerchen.
  6. Plot twist: That's how her non-lethalism works. She pretends to fire the arrow at the enemy with her stringless bow, then she runs up and clobbers them on the head with it. Technical limitations prevent the combat animations from showing this, however.
  7. Connor's best ending. Good job, Cagey. This is the same guy who politely asked the court if he can lie since he's not under oath. Pretty sure he thinks he's above the laws of mere mortals who haven't revolutionized an industry like he has.
  8. The fact that a large amount of people have actually thought for a long time that this man is someone worth listening to in regards to... Anything, really, is so depressing. He's so full of himself. He really thought he was reinventing the art of videogames, to the point where he felt the need to insert himself into the game to teach the player how to utilize his products. As if they weren't glorified versions of Simon Says.
  9. I was watching the video and I kept thinking "okay, so it's going to end now right" and then I looked at the time bar and it wasn't even close. I guess Davey was really really proud of those dodging animations. I gotta give it to 'em. Cagey Davey may be a complete, disgusting hack, but at least his games are an unending source of hilarious so-bad-it's-good material. I get so many laughs out of his games. ...Uh, as long as women aren't involved. You think Kaga treats women poorly? Get a load of this boy. At least Kaga has regular girls just minding their own business, and even some tough and badass women mixed in with the victims of mind-control. In Cagey's games, women exist to get raped and/or abused and that's it. And that's not just me saying that - it is a known fact that Cagey once said, and I quote, "in my games, all women are whores." Jesus fucking Christ.
  10. Pfffhahahaha... I've heard a lot of wonderful things about Fahrenheit, but this defies my wildest expectations. Look at the way he dodges! It's absolutely hilarious! His torso just snaps to the sides and instantly resets back to its original position! Oh my God, and then it ends on an "eet wuz ol ah drwim" moment. His coworkers just let this clearly mentally unwell person walk out immediately after having an episode. Perfect. Brilliant. Cagey Davey proves once again that he's truly a genius of our era. He has made some of the best games ever and he has revolutionized the videogame industry. A real visionary. Anyway, to answer your question: Yes. Scott Shelby could probably take on the bugs. He has a wizardry far more powerful than anything they could muster: Plot armor.
  11. Fucking nap from Hell. Now I cannot sleep. There is absolutely nothing in this chapter that hs any long-term impact lol. Absolutely nothing. No matter what happens, it's just forgotten the moment the chapter ends. Like most of the game, honestly. In fairness, Scott Shelby isn't just any old man with poor health. He's a magical fatso! If you press the QTEs, he somehow manages to win the fight against a dude half his age who has definitely been in more than a couple bar brawls, despite getting exactly four good hits on him and otherwise getting ragdolled the entire fight. But that's more to blame on the choreography of the fight being hilariously bad. It somehow looks almost less believable than Steven Seagall's fight scenes. Scott just keeps dodging despite being slow as molasses. Half the time he doesn't dodge even if you press the button, he just tanks hits because he's magical. Then later in the game he fights two professional bodyguards with guns, unarmed, and wins by double knockout in like half the time it takes him to get two good punches on Abusive Skinhead overthere, which is enough to get him to run away. Because he's magical. ...Scott is a massively stupidly-written character the entire game, so this isn't exactly remarkable. Heck, it's the least of his writing's problems. God I love this interactive movie. It's so bad. The fact that it once had, and still kinda has, a legion of fans amazes me. There are plot holes and problems small and large everywhere you look.
  12. Oh Christ. Probably just wanted a quick buck for dope. It doesn't really matter. He's not there to be a compelling character, he's there so Cagey Davey can put more QTEs and completely useless choices into his game. David Cage's self-insert's thought process: Go in. Mistreat French prostitute. Heroic fat man jumps in to save her. Heroic fat man fails miserably. ?????????? Give up for no reason. Leave. ?????????? Profit(?) Lauren was tripping balls, Troy clearly was not an ex-client who thinks.
  13. Ahahaha... Oh, Heavy Rain. I'm so fond of that game. It makes me laugh so much. Here, have a clip: I really recommend watching this clip. This clip just... perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with this game. All of it. It's magical. Well okay maybe not as much as SHAUN, but it's pretty amazing nonetheless. Anyway, yeah, that's fair enough. I've seen a lot of these games in Youtube, which is the same as playing it yourself, and... They do not do a good job with their choice-driven narratives. There are barely any meaningful choices to be had, and more often than not the narrative itself is all fucked too. I was trying to come up with a contraction of Hanneman and Herman's names to fit the occassion. But then I realized... there is no contraction. It's just Herman. Oh my God. They really are the same person. Now everything makes sense... (Berwick Saga spoilers ahead for anyone who cares) That has been Ruben's Crackpot Theory of the day. Questions below. Wrong, but that's a pretty cool name. In the Rogue Legacy 2 name list it goes.
  14. No, you think so. It is the truth. Dangit! I must muster up some rage against Three Houses to amend this. Quick, someone say the name Hilda.
  15. That's what I was thinking while I was making the edit, yes. Oh my fucking God you're actually right. There's a resemblance. Jesus fucking Christ what have I done. Bahaha... That never gets old. Oh yeah, it's definitely difficult. But it can and has been done. And it's pretty great when they pull it off! But... The likes of Telltale, Dontnot and Quantic Dreams sacrifice literally everything that makes a game a game precisely for the sake of their cHOicE-dRIVeN NARraTiVEE. What do they prioritize, then? I can't give it to Dorothea because she's literally the same lol. Hubert, though... Yeah, fair enough. I don't like it, I certainly like it less than his original war design, but it's... not terrible. I haven't picked it up yet! I definitely need to get one of the two current games out of the way before I start anything new. I'm liking both too much to abandon them. Not that it'll take too long, in Exit Fate's case. All I've left is just the postgame, which doesn't look very long, the final battle and the ending.
  16. Claude's war phase "beard" is an insult to the very concept of facial hair. Grow a real beard, golden dingus. That, and the plethora of problems I have with his role in the story - or lack thereof - but that's not as important as the beard. Watch. Calling it now. IntSys: All right everyone, here is the faculty characters in Three Hopes! Ruben: ๐Ÿ˜€ Ruben: ๐Ÿช“๐Ÿ™‹โ€โ™‚๏ธ They had him say the line in the trailer though, so it's all good. In fairness, it is the least bad of all the designs. Game's called Griftlands. The person who recommended it to me described it as one of his favorite videogames out there, which already is high praise. It's a deck-building roguelite. Card videogames aren't something I have any experience with, but I enjoyed what I saw of this. You build your deck and use your cards not just in combat, but also in negotiations to beat the crap out of your opponents with words rather than fists and swords. Not to mention, C H O I C E S. It never ceases to amuse me how indies consistently pull the choice shenanigans ten times better than the massive AAA productions from companies whose names everyone knows. Oh, and it also has funny dialogue. Funny dialogue is always a good way to get me interested. ...Actually, I just discovered the official Twitter of B. Saga once endorsed this game, funnily enough.
  17. I always knew Garon was a good guy. Jesus fucking Christ. Noooooooooooooo Dayni. I kinda liked Edelgard. Don't try to make her worse than Claude. Ahh, who am I kidding. It's impossible to be worse than Claude. Oh, well. Good to know.
  18. If I had a nickle for every time I saw a game with a hand-drawn cartoon artstyle, a choice-based narrative and a protagonist called Rook with facial hair, I'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot, but you know the rest of the quote. What do you mean? Isn't that just Edelgard's character in Crimson Flower?
  19. "OwO pwofessor I've been a vewy bad giwl, I didn't do my homework OwO, you have to punish me now OwO~โ™กโ™กโ™กโ™ก OwO" Halfway through writing that sentence, this piece of music came to my mind. For no particular reason.
  20. The more I look at it, the worse the design looks. They actually butchered her. And I thought Dimitri's downgrade from "big cape one-eyed badass" to "uninspired good boy" was enough... They're treating the lords terribly so far. Boy I can't wait to see Claude, who already looks bad in Three Houses.
  21. Hahaha... Be that I could have an actual system lol. I just have my attention caught by whatever, and sometimes that unfortunately means things beyond my grasp at the moment. I mean, just look at the two games I'm playing at the moment. One of them was fully released like three weeks ago. The other is 13 years old. Truth be told, though, I'm only feeling restless because of the conversations I've had with the other VS2 fans. It'll pass. Though it really didn't help that one of the Dangen team just popped up and posted a screenshot of Zade's statsheet. What are you trying to tell me, you dastard? Give me a release date! I mean, fair is fair, War Dorothea is a pretty nice design. I've seen people praising Dedue's beard. It hurt. I was just discussing that with someone earlier. Edelgard's outfit seems pretty out-of-character to me. So here's the powerful emperor with a terrible past and grand plans of conquest and change for the entire world... And she wears a heart-shaped locket and a frilly dress. C'mon. EDIT: AAAAAAAAAAARGH SHE WEARS NEON RED HIGH HEELS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH My eyes why did I notice that, fuck. Holy Christ they actually ruined her. They completely butchered her. I've changed my mind, I hope Hanneman doesn't return--
  22. I am so glad I'm not the only one who sees it. Like, Dorothea is straight up the same lol. Her head and hair are identical and you have to look hard to spot the differences in her dress. Calling it now, if Hanneman returns, they're just going to remove the coat lol. And he'd still be the best design in the game by far. She's still way similar, but... Yeah, at least her hairdo is cool and she has that... thingy, on her head. It's something.
  23. Ahahahahaha... Oh, God, I hadn't even noticed. This artist, man...
  24. At least she doesn't look as awful as Caspar. Caspar looks like he tried to copy the cabbage hair from Fates and somehow failed miserably. I should just learn my lesson already and never in my life take another nap. I lost an hour of my lifetime, and for what? To spend more hours of my lifetime wanting to be dead. Jesus fucking Christ, I still feel terrible. Hah!
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