Ottservia

From what I know the law is worded weirdly like that in order to protect sex workers. I don’t know the exact details but it’s a bit more complicated than that. Lives in a country more north than mine

When I described gerome’s hair as “raven” I was more so thinking about the style of his hair something similar to ash’s hairstyle maybe but burgundy. I suppose I could’ve made that more clear. On the camus thing yeah I thought about that as well but what made me keep it was the fact that it had been 2,000 years since that time period during which many conspiracies and such would’ve surfaced and been disputed kinda like john wilque booth(probably misspelled that)

agreed except for the comparison to naruto. Even Naruto ain't that bad about it but seeing as how this isn't the type of thread to discuss that I'm just gonna leave this video here

I mean he's certainly likable but honestly he's just a bad protagonist. Corrin I find to be just a confused mess of a character that no idea what it wants to be which is why I find them to be worse than Alm. Though Alm really isn't really that much better because uh... how can a genius chosen one hero with special powers gifted to them by their oh so amazing bloodline say that the station of one's birth doesn't effect a man's worth cause uhhh.... yeah.

Since when was alm at all snarky or sarcastic? I mean maybe a tiny bit but overall he's just a generic nice guy who everyone loves and can never be wrong. Like seriously he's never wrong like ever and whoever disagrees with him is presented as stupid and on the wrong side of the argument(like Celica). He also has a light harem going on for no other reason than that he's alm so of course all the girls have to faun over him. Seriously if that doesn't scream light novel protag to you I have no idea what does

god fucking damnit those blue twintails are my fucking weakness In all seriousness though I'm probably not gonna pull. The characters just don't really interest me.

Still doesn't change the fact that Alm is a generic Light Novel protagonist who is kirito levels of bad and OP. He may have already had a framework but that doesn't really excuse the bad writing. Alm and Corrin aren't really all that different in terms of how they're written when you really look at it

echoes? being an exception to your complaints? If ANYTHING echoes proves that IS HAS LEARNED NOTHING when it comes writing good stories and characters from fates. Like shit Alm is by and large the SAFEST F*CKING GENERIC LIGHT NOVEL protagonist you can get. I'm serious Alm is about a stones throw away from kirito all things considered. *sigh* I'm sorry I got heated there. It just baffles me how people can rag so much on corrin for being a mary sue when Alm isn't that much better. *sigh* I'm sorry I'll stop. I just needed to get that off my chest

I wouldn’t say you took it too literally. I think it fit with the prompt fine enough. The story just doesn’t seem to flow as well as it should. The relationship between Judo and Kelli is well established which adds weight and understanding to the conflict with Garrick. The problem I feel is what happens next where it just kinda goes like “and then they left and talked about some other stuff” rather than “judo did a bad so he had to hide(or something)” if there’s one thing I’ve learned about storytelling is that every story beat/plot point should be connected with a “but” or a “therefore/so” rather than “and then” I get that. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail that’s just how life is. You just gotta learn from that failure and see what you can do to do better next time.

Speaking of the grammar errors I’ll have to fix those when I get the chance.

I suppose maybe I’m being too hard on myself. It still feels good to know people enjoyed it though. I just feel a second draft would’ve made it better

Yeah the original entry is MUCH better and I only just quickly skimmed over it. Also I must ask again why do I have two votes? My story is rushed and sloppy. I mean it’s not bad but it’s most definitely not my best work.

I understood fully what your intent was but that doesn't change the fact that Garrick felt unnecessary. I dunno the conflict with Garrick just feels so hamfisted and forced. It just kinda felt like Garrick himself was an afterthought and kinda sort of slapped onto the story at the last minute. He just walks up says some rude stuff and gets smacked. He exits the story as soon as he arrives and the fact they hardly dwell on anything he said or what just happened makes the whole thing feel shallow and meaningless. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little too negative and for what's it worth I did enjoy the relationship between Judo and Kelli. It was cute. However I feel you could've done a better job to organically meld the conflict into the story.

yeah it would be my own world and everything and it wouldn’t be an official entry but it'd follow the prompt a little more traditionally. Anyway here's some feedback of a couple of the stories I've read. @Jotari's "The Armada" @Anacybele's "More Than a Friend" @TheSilentChloey's "Removal" @SoulWeaver's "BEHOLD A CONCEPT!" @Shoblongoo's "AVAST, YE SCURVY DOGS"

So random thought I did have a more traditional idea for this prompt so if anyone wants to see that I could probably get it done within a couple days

Well I have final on Thursday so that’s been completely eating up my time currently. I’ve read through a couple though not bad not bad

what makes it even better is that Oscar is known to be a pretty good cook. Oh do the unintentional references keep piling on. No it HAS to be a kitchen knife(or a glow stick either one really)

Never trust the white-haired bishounen. Then again kokichi has purple hair sooooo...... seriously though if Oscar(or any of bryce's characters really) is on this banner and is a dagger unit with a kitchen knife, I will literally scream.

Peri's a little too simple minded for that. Henry on the other hand seems like the kinda guy who would do that(oh look they're voiced by the same person go figure) but with his luck who knows. (I hope you enjoy that cookie)

nothing to Despair over my friend. I just Hope somebody will get it. upupupupupu Freddy getting another alt would be awesome. It's been a while

Either way there's a sharp pointy skewer now let's just hope it doesn't get too dark during the cook out or else someone is liable to get stabbed the floor(my money is Oliver) If ANYONE gets my references, I will love you forever and gift you a digital cookie

no kidding

Dunno why people are saying those are marshmallows. They look more like skewered meat to me(or is it on the meat skewer? skewar on the meat?). *Danganronapa 2 flashbacks intensify*

Honestly from my experience Owain dialogue is extremely hard to write because almost everything he says has to said in a theatrical manner which makes even writing the most basic sentence an excercise in tedium. Then there’s the fact that there are situations where he doesn’t talk like that but it’s incredibly inconsistent so it requires a lot of thinking out the scene as I write it. Then there’s Severa dialogue which isn’t hard but sometimes I think I make her sound overly harsh. Like there are times when I need her to be rude but not too rude(like with a sibling, noire, or something) and it’s just hard trying to find the exact right words to use.

I use google docs as well. What I usually do is just download it into a word doc and then copy paste. It works for me.