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DarthR0xas

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    Create a Fighter & Moveset

    in Super Smash Bros.

    Posted

    Waluigi

    Game: Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix

    A: A simple one two three punch, with the third having a longer windup.

    Down Tilt: Quickly jabs out with a tennis racket

    Back tilt: Does a behind the back backhand.

    Forward tilt: Slams into the ground with both hands

    Down air: Does the splits mid-air

    Forward air: Smacks foes with a sign that says "Camelot Software Planning"

    Back air: Dumps a bucket of water onto foes behind him

    Up air: Tosses a bomb up that quickly explodes

    Down smash: Does that one break dance maneuver where he spins on the floor

    Side Smash: Clean downward smash with a tennis racket

    Up Smash: Goes on his head and spins

    Neutral: Wah's with a force of gods unknown. The longer you hold the button, the longer the radius is, up to a point where Waluigi gets Wah'ed out and has to take a breather. Opponents caught in this attack are slower and have their controls inverted for around 5-10 seconds.

    Side B: Rapid fire hits tennis balls that can bounce off opponents and the ground.

    Down B: Similar to villagers. First he puts down a tee stand (or whatever you call the thing you put the golf ball on), then he has to put the ball on it, and finally uses his gold club to knock it at an enemy

    Up B: A pinball table appears, and Waluigi jumps off of it to gain some height. 

    So...I might be clinically depressed.

    in General

    Posted

    This might not be in the cards for you, but when was very depressed, I always found that going somewhere new and meeting new people would be helpful. Going on a nice nature walk, meeting a nice fellow, and talking calmed my nerves, and let me see there was good in the world.

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    I can give Bowmaster seal speed instead of galeforce, mking them less of a infinite killing machine. Still, it's based on the actual mongol warfare. They will go, shoot arrows and go away leaving only corpses... They were OP, you can ask the entire army of Kievan Rus (massacred) and lot of european knights (dead as well).

    Oh no, you misunderstand me. I want it to be like that, since it sounds hilariously overpowered.

    2 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Freeblades were ment to operate alone (since, you know they are FREEblades), so I put the critboost if now allies skill. I might give them a bow boost instead of the final skill, if you see it fit better.

    My issue is less with the skills, and more with the class. Myrmadons were never really a "Go off on your own to slay many foes" type of class. That's more cavaliers and pegasi. Then again, I haven't tried it yet, so I'll hold on this front.

    3 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Oh, I forgot to post the Halbaldier skills...

    Spur Defense: Adjacent allies
    take -4 physical damage.
    Amaterasu: Allies within 2 tiles
    recover 20% HP each turn.

    Definitely worse than the other class, but passable. Very ally focused, which is an interesting route to go down. I'll have to try this class later.

    3 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    About archers, I might go with giving the hunter lethality as the lv. 15 skill... This way they can get five shoots, each with a chance of instakill.

    That probably works. Go sniper for reliability, go hunter for insanity.

     

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    The Soldier class (specialisations: Pretorian, Halbaldier):

    General skills:

    Reposition: Allows unit to pull an
    adjacent ally to its opposite side. (lv. 10)
     

    Camaraderie: Recover 10% HP each turn
    if there are allies within 2 tiles. (lv. 20)
     

    Pretorian skills:

    Impale: Deal 4x damage.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 5)
     

    Luna: Negates enemy defenses.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 15)

    I hope that Halbardier has some skills, because otherwise Pretorian is flat out better. I'll bet it's better regardless, since Impale and Luna seems like a pretty good skill combo, although it's GBA FE, so you probably won't reach the upper levels to actually ever get Luna.

    Also, I'm not sure Camaraderie is the best skill for this class, but they are a jack of all trades kind of class, so it could work. I'll need to try it in gameplay first

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    The Myrmydon class (specialsations: Swordmaster, Freeblade):

    General skills:

    Duelist's Blow: +30 Avo
    when initiating battle. (lv. 10)

    Vantage: If HP < 50%,
    strike first when attacked. (lv. 20)

    Swordmaster skills:

    Astra: 5 attacks at half damage.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 5)

    Swordfaire: +4 damage
    when equipping a sword. (lv. 15)

    (class skill: +15% crit.)

    Freeblade skills:

    Focus: +10 Critical if there are
    no allies within 3 tiles. (lv. 5)

    Death Blow: +20 Crit
    when initiating battle. (lv. 15)

    Good general skills, I have a slight concern with these skills as a whole, but I'll bring that up at the end. Swordmaster is fine, but the Freeblade has an issue. As you know, myrmidons have never been a tanky class, or really much of a frontline class in general. It is not very likely that they will be away from your allies that much. Then again, it might be interesting to use tactically (however much one could rely on a crit for tactics), so who knows. Maybe having access to Bows changes that slightly.

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Knight class (specialisations: General, Vanguard)

    General skils:

    Provoke: Enemies are more
    likely to target this unit. (lv. 10)

    Natural Cover: -3 damage taken
    when on terrain with effects. (lv. 20)

    General (the class name) skills:

    Wary Fighter: Unit cannot
    double or be doubled. (lv. 5)

    Pavise: Nullify a physical attack.
    (Skill % activation) (lv .15)

    Vanguard skills:

    Seal Resistance: Debuff opponent's Res
    by 6 after combat. (Recover 1/turn) (lv. 5)

    Aegis: Nullify a magic attack.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 15)

    At first I was going to say "Seal Res? Why would you want that on a Knight". Then I remembered that Vanguards used magic. I assume attack is one unified stat here, as opposed to the str and mag seperation. I think that Wary Fighter is better than Seal Res, but most foes aren't magically inclined enemies so I don't know, it probably works out

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Archer class (specialistions: Sniper, Hunter)

    General skills:

    Certain Blow: +40 Hit
    when initiating battle. (lv. 10)

    Sure Shot: A precision attack that
    always hits and does 1.5x damage.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 20)

    Sniper skills:

    Bowfaire: +4 damage
    when equipping a bow. (lv. 5)

    Galeforce: Move again after
    attacking and defeating an enemy. (lv. 15)

    Hunter skills:

    Astra: 5 attacks at half damage.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 5)

    Hawkeye: User will
    always hit the enemy. (lv. 15)

    First off, Sniper is literally just better than Hunter. Hawkeye is irrelevant, since they're archers. So is Sure Shot, to an extent, but it does buffed damage so there's always that. Sniper gets Bowfaire, which is a consistant plus to their damage which is usually low, and Galeforce, which is Galeforce. Astra seems pretty good on paper, but unless they're doing significant damage, all that ends up happening is wasted weapon uses doing one damage.

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Mercenary class (specialisations: Hero, Gladiator)

    General skills:

    Rally Strength: +4 Str
    to allies within 2 tiles. (lv. 10)

    Seal Speed: Debuff opponent's Spd
    by 6 after combat. (Recover 1/turn) (lv. 20)

    Hero skills:

    Sol: Restore damage dealt as HP.
    (Skill % activation) (lv. 5)

    Axebreaker: +50 Hit/Avo when
    enemy has an axe equipped. (lv. 15)

    Gladiator skills:

    Fiery Blood: +4 damage
    when HP is not at max. (lv. 5)

    Quick Draw: +4 Damage
    when initiating battle. (lv. 15)

    Now, I'm on the fence about this, because Fiery Blood is a pretty good skill, but Mercenary class is a tad more enemy phase focused, and GBA FE is all about the enemy phase, so Quick Draw really won't come into play as often as a lv. 15 skill should. I'd also switch around Sol and Axebreaker. Sol is a pretty good skill, making them sustainable on the frontlines, while axe-breaker won't be that useful in endgame since most foes end up having lances (or maybe I'm forgetting something, I remember a lot of lances in the endgame). Overall, it's kinda balanced

    1 hour ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Nomad class (specialisations: Trooper, Bowmaster):

    General skills:

    Acrobat: All traversable
    terrain costs 1 movement. (lv. 10)

    Celerity: Movement +2. (lv. 20)

    (class skill: canto)

    Trooper skills:

    Bow Range +1: Maximum range
    of equipped bows is increased. (lv. 5)

    Pursuit: When under attack,
    attack speed +2.  (lv. 15)

    (class skill: canto)

    Bowmaster skills:

    Galeforce: Move again after
    attacking and defeating an enemy. (lv. 5)

    Adept: Gain a consecutive attack.
    (Speed % activation) (lv. 15)

    Nomads seem absolutely busted. I love it. Being able to go everywhere, with 9/10 move is already great. Trooper has decent skills, plus one range is nice, and they do have access to swords so Pursuit might see some effect, although not much I would assume. Problem is, Bowmaster gets everything. They will have a total of 18/20 move if they kill an enemy, and Adept will make that easier since they normally have great speed. And even if they fail, they still have canto+, which I assume means Tellius/Genealogy canto, while canto regular is just GBA styled canto.

    As for general skills, do you just not obtain the level 20 skill if you don't reach level 20? Do you get it automatically upon promotion since your inner level will be higher due to promotion?

    So apparently Bows in this game can attack at 1-Range

    in Fire Emblem: Three Houses

    Posted

    1 minute ago, NinjaMonkey said:

    So why did you not list Innes or Shinon on your list? They have the exact same problems as Rebecca does.

    Well Shinon has the advantage of being in Radiant Dawn, with the Marksman class having 2-3 range naturally. This makes him a little better than most archers. Also crossbows being a thing helps him a lot. Now POR Shinon has the issues mentioned as well, and so does Innes. The slight advantage they have is not needing to be trained. They're already snipers, while everyone else starts as baseline archers, so they don't use up a promotion item or take any exp to get to that point.

    The Last To Post Wins!

    in Forum Games

    Posted

    On 10/27/2018 at 4:26 PM, Edgelord said:

    i'm playing red dead 2 and one of the themes it deals with is womens suffrage.... another sjw game.........

    Well, it depends how it handles that issue. RDR2 does taking place during a time when that was a major problem, so if it uses arguments from that time in game, and doesn't really try to relate it much to modern times, then that theme will be well handled and historically accurate. Now, I haven't played RDR2, so I have no clue if this is the case, but still.

    So apparently Bows in this game can attack at 1-Range

    in Fire Emblem: Three Houses

    Posted

    1 minute ago, RexBolt said:

    I think there shold be 2 types of bows. Longbows with 2-3 range and Shortbows with 1-2 range.

    So basically there will be iron, steel, and silver Longbows and Shortbows, with Longbows having 1 more mt but 10 less accuracy, 5 less uses, and also weighing more than short bows. To add onto this idea, maybe at the tail end of the late game we get Greatbows, which have 1-3 range, since at this point all of the other classes will have access to pretty overpowered weapons.

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    My question is how are you going to properly differentiate these classes from one another?

    Like with General and Vanguard, you show a clear distinction between the two, General being classic general and Vanguard being like the Baron's in FE4. But with other classes, like the bow using promotions, I struggle to see what the difference between them is going to be.

    Aside from Sure Shot, what is the Sniper offering that the Hunter doesn't, and vice versa?

    How are you going to make sure that class balance doesn't go out the window?

    Troopers having swords and bows is most likely going to be better than the bowmaster who is relegated to bows.

    And is the skill "Fiery Blood" really going to offset the fact that the Gladiator is stuck with one range swords, since 1-2 range swords are very rare and bad in the GBA games, while Hero gets axes and 1-2 range with hand axes?

    If I recall correctly, Halberdiers can use Lances and Axes (That might be wrong, it's been a while since I used a hack with them). Does the skill "Impale" really balance with that? And If I'm wrong, and Halberdiers can't use both weapon types, then what does it have that the Pretorian doesn't?

    I might as well bring up the Swordmaster vs Freeblade, since Bows are just generally such a bad weapon type that the two might as well be the same class. If Swordmaster gets a +15% crit chance and the Freeblade doesn't, then Swordmaster is the superior class, but if they both get it, then Freeblade is the superior class since it has more options, even if those options suck.

    Make sure to add unique features of the classes, since Halberdier, Freeblade, Bowmaster, and Trooper are all lacking the "Equip" thing (Trooper does have the great at bows and swords thing, but just saying "Equip: Sword, Bows" is just better and more efficient for players)

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    6 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Great idea.

    However it's not about injustice... Klein is executed by the Islanders, because for them he is an oppressor and enemy. No matter how just man he may be, they treat all Eturians as evil.

    He wasn't even completely aware of what was really happening there.

    That's why it is so tragic.

    So, the order of things:

    - Klein goes to the Islands on a routine 'check if everything is alright' mission.

    - On the sea, he gets captured by insurgents and taken to their camp.

    - Aware, that they have enemy general in hands, the Islanders decide to make a showoff and kill him publicly as a simbol for rebels.

    - During the execution, Klein breaks free and takes some enemies before being cornered.

    - He jumps at them, to his death.

    - He gets murdered and (maaabeee) his head is sent to Aquileia.

    - Eturian magnatery gets pissed off and sents army to make the repressions even worse.

    - Everyone is not very happy.

    Looks good to me.

    SF's "Write Your Butt Off" II - Return of Writer's Block

    in Written Works

    Posted · Edited by DarthR0xas
    spacing

    Well, since everyone else is going from top to bottom, I’ll go from bottom to top. So I’ll start with my buddy @AnonymousSpeed.

    Spoiler

    It took me a while to get this, had to reread it. You pack a lot of meaning into not many words. Your subtlety is amazing. The plot twist that Cromwell was a Manakete came out of near left field on the first read, but I could pick up on hints throughout the story towards that after realizing. The stone was a dragonstone, and the pointed ears are something that IS started adding to the dragons in the art. If there had to be one small problem I had with the story, it would be that not a lot happens. These situations seem so interesting to me, that I want more detail on everything. But as is, it’s really just an interrogation, small bridge, and then talking at a diner. It’s so good I want more, and that’s a great thing. Seriously dude, great job.

     I might as well talk a bit about mine, as it was my first, and I have thoughts about it that I feel need to be written out.

    Spoiler

    Many of the problems with mine could be easily fixed if I had just done some more proper storyboarding. When I read the prompt, the first thing that came into my mind was the Nyx story, and it was such a cool idea to me at the time that I started writing immediately, without really planning where I was going or when I would stop. I would consider this the beta version of this story, since I really rushed the end. That ended up hurting it, and instead of an emotional payoff it merely felt forced. With this being my first time trying something like this out, I have really learned a lot about writing stories in a cleaner, more distinct manner, and I think now I'm starting to develop a better understanding and a style. Next prompt I swear I’m going to do better.

     To finish the night, I’ll talk about @Shoblongoo writings.

    Spoiler

    I like this idea, Marcus having done something shady in the past. While I think Marcus doing nothing does make me like him less as a person, it makes me love him more as a character. He’s more dynamic now, and shows clear signs of growth. That being said, I have a few issues with this story, mostly in the writing. In the beginning, Eliwood’s speech is great, but my problem is you writing things like Eliwood “spoke with wisdom beyond his years”, and that he “had been moved by their pleas”. It is apparent that Eliwood is doing those things, and telling us them straight-up kinda ruins the moment slightly. Most of the problems are near the end of Marcus’s flashback, where there is not only two long lines of parallel sentences, but also something that pulled me out of the experience entirely. In fact, I hadn't even really noticed how the annoying the repetition was until the issue of when this takes place came up. While a few parallel sentences can fill the reader with a sense of truly hitting rock bottom, this is way too many. First was the line of ten sentences with “He never would”, which is bad enough, since we’re kinda getting sick of this repetition, but then after only a three line break we get into the seven sentence repetition of “That” followed by usually a pronoun. I would’ve condensed the ten into at least five, probably cut out a few that are unnecessary. Also, I’m really confused as to when this takes place. Because it clearly starts during the opening arc of FE7, yet the latter part of FE7, and all of FE6 is referenced, which makes no sense, since Marcus hasn’t lived through those moments of his life yet. That all results in a large chunk of the story that just takes you out of the experience of what is mostly a pretty good story about how Marcus sacrificed the lives of the few for many, and how doing so haunts him.

     

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    7 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    That's why Klein was captured and ultimatelly killed (I can throw away the suicide if you really want).

    I think suicide isn't really strong enough. Like it has a big initial shock, but not much beyond that. Make it a public execution, like he was beheaded in the middle of the pirate camp as a way to show Pirate superiority above Etruia. If we want to make it more badass, we have Klein dodge the axe or whatever, take out like 12 guys, and then get shot in the chest with an arrow, boom, poetic injustice.

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    8 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Sorry guys, but Roy will be married to Sue no matter what. I'll explain why:

    - I give Lyn the canon partner in Rath. (if you want to know why, there is a video on YouTube explaining why it's the best pairing);

    - So she is technically the heir to Caelinian throne;

    - Roy has two another potential partners: Sophia and Lilina.;

    - I want Lilina to in opposition to the idea of kingdom, not Roy. She thinks that the League worked well and it shouldn't be changed. She will remind Roy time and time again how close he was and how he drifts away form her ideals. 

    - Also, Sue is my all time single best unit from FE6 and the ultimate Mongolian waifu.

    Meh, I personally like Lyn and Hector, but Lyn and Rath does make the most sense in universe, so that checks out.

    With Lyn being Sue's mother, that does make sense.

    Oh, Roy has way more pairings. He could hook up with Lalum, who is a hooker (The game's logic, not mine). He could marry Celicia, but why, why would you do that? And he can also marry Shanna I think. It might not be Shanna but there is a sixth pairing.

    Lilina is quite stubborn, so even with the evidence that the League is kinda a terrible idea, since there is always in-fighting, I could see her believing that. I don't really think that she would tell Roy that he's drifting away from what she believes. One of the things she admires most about Roy is his hard work, and she would recognize that running a kingdom is much harder. Also, since she does still have feelings for him, she certainly wouldn't complain much about his ideals, at least not to him.

    This is your hack, so having bias towards characters and the like does occur. While logic dictates that Sue isn't the best unit, bias wins out. Hell, Lilina is mostly a terrible unit, since she is basically a slightly slower but stronger Lugh, and she's my favorite Binding Blade character.

    8 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Roy doesn't want to be a dictator. But after hearing the stories from his father and seeing the infighting in the Alliance itself he deemes it weak and wants to make things right. Idealistic as he is, he crowned himself king, not for his own benefit but for the sake for his people.

    Why Erik is Erikish again: The same reasons as Lilina, but he has a personal grudge for the house of Pherae. His doughter is raised in this atmosphere, but after another defeat and speaking to Roy she begins to doubt her father actions.

    I'm pretty sure that the people adore Roy, and if he became the king of the land there would be very little grumbling about it. I'm pretty sure it would be near impossible to raise an army directly against him if you're inside Lycia.

    Ah, didn't realize he had a daughter. That changes things. She wants to be a different man than her father and believes in Roy. Checks out.

    8 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    Regarding Etruria. I go with the Radiant Dawn kind of story. As you can see on the map, the Islands are still a part of it and it also vassalized some tribes north of Nabata. They don't see they actions as wrong since they defeated the big baddy Zephiel. The Western Islandic rebellion has no major impact after all and the old régime returns.

    I don't count Sacae as a legitimate country.

    No, 'new' Hector is not the main lord, he is eight years old by the love of God! (Ten years has passed from the end of FE6)

    Now, I kinda have a problem with this. Etruia is clearly different from the Begnion Senate. Most people were shown to be relatively uncorrupt, or at the very least not every ruler is evil. The Begnion Senate had one dude who could be considered decent, and also the sexiest man alive, but even he doesn't get a pass, meanwhile there are rulers of Etruia who were shown to be competent, and also not douches. Another problem with this is that it undermines the importance of our previous actions. That's really the problem with setting a hack afterwards, you have to say "Oh, but not all was well", even though things were clearly set up to be peaceful for a while. FE7 was able to do this through a cliff-hanger esc ending, showing that Zephial was evil and still a threat, but that didn't undermine your actions since the quest was more about finding yourself and also stopping a Dragon over in the Dread Isles, which aren't really visited in FE6. FE6 was about saving the world, and trying to weed out corruption which is plagueing Elibe. And we kinda do that by the end, the world is saved and most people who could be considered corrupt are either dead, in jail, or have lost all of their power. In other words, the book was closed, we had a definitive end that left a bit of room for imagining. Think of the final Harry Potter book, well the final good Harry Potter book. Deathly Hallows left a bit of imagining with Harry's children, and then Cursed Child comes in and ruins it. Now, Cursed Child is terribly written, and that leads to some of it's faults. But removing the mystic of the end, it kinda lessens the final impact. Then again, this is a fan hack, and not canon, so you're kinda fine from this.

    I don't see why it wouldn't be a country. It's a country of nomadic peoples, half the people in Ilia barely live there since they're out getting their mercenary on, why would nomads be much different? There have been plenty of nomadic states throughout history. The Mongols, the Huns, the Xiongnu, so on and so forth.

    So does that mean Roy is the main lord again? That's a little lame to be honest. Because with Roy, you run into the dilemma of power balancing. Roy by the end of FE6 was a fighting machine, mostly due to the Binding Blade. So you either make him super strong, which throws the power balance of enemies and other characters out the window, or you weaken him down, which brings us back to the "Our actions didn't really account for much" thing again. Roy is in his prime, the strongest he will ever be. There isn't really much he can do to grow from there. I suppose he could be the Jagen, but then who would be the lord? That Theo dude? 

    8 hours ago, Hare'da-irijon said:

    WHO IS DEAD:

    - Lyn, Rath, Florina - died in a tuberculosis epidemic;

    - Fiora and Kent's children - slaughtered by Bern forces;

    - Marcus - died of old age;

    - Farina, mother of Lilina died with her husband;

    - Klein - commited suicide in a pirate prison after being captured by islanders and tortured;

    - Wallace - old age;

    I have trouble believing people would die of sickness in the Elibe universe. We know like two people who've gotten sick, Natalie, and Eliwood, and neither died. One had an injury that could be fixed with medicine, and the other just never died (well, it was never stated that he lived or died, so it's safe to assume he lived). Nobody even dies when deliberately poisoned. I think it's safe to say that viruses and bacteria in Elibe are just really weak.

    Didn't realize Kent and Fiora could support, neat. Children dying, not neat.

    Marcus and Wallace make perfect sense, they're pretty old.

    Farina, while my last choice for Hector to marry, I would think that Hector would send her off so she wouldn't get hurt in the fighting. Then again, she is Farina, so she probably would just come back anyways.

    Klein, uh, what the fuck? First problem is how would Klein get captured? Most people say he is really strong, and he probably could be a Sniper General of Etruia. I doubt that he would be able to be captured by some Pirates. How would he even kill himself in a prison? And since he's kinda a really important dude to Etruia, they would know what he's doing at most points of time. I just don't think Klein would ever get in that situation to even be able to commit suicide.

     

    SF's "Write Your Butt Off" II - Return of Writer's Block

    in Written Works

    Posted

    9 minutes ago, Otts486 said:

    Interesting take on Nyx's character. It's a well put together piece. You do a great job of making me feel for Nyx and portraying how hopeless she believes her situation to be. It was also really well put together with good dialogue and description to give imagery without front loading information. That being said, there are some glaring issues from a technical writing stand point I noticed. For one, when a character decides to tell a story it's best to just use a flashback or narration instead of just shoving it all within dialogue because 1. it's confusing in terms of POV and 2. It messes with the imagery of the scene(don't really know how else to describe it). We'll start with POV. because Nyx's story isn't technically a flashback(even though it's written like one) and is dialogue, I get confused if you want to do first person or third person POV because of the over-abundant use of first person pronouns which I get because it's Nyx's dialogue. However it doesn't make it any less confusing. Honestly I don't see why you didn't just use first person POV with breaks between the flash backs courtesy of Leo's interruptions. The story wouldn't at all have been changed and it would've been much less confusing. On my second point is that because its not a flashback and is in fact dialogue but is written like a flashback I'm confused as to what I should be imagining. the contents of the flashback or Nyx talking to Leo in the present? Not helping are Leo's very abrupt interruptions which take me out of the story because of how jarring the scene transition is. One last thing and I must stress this so I apologize if this comes off as rude or blunt but DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE SAID!!!! Ahem sorry about that but seriously I noticed you used words like 'inquire', 'responded', 'replied', etc. as dialogue tags far too often. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but most of the time it just isn't really necessary. The problem with using those kinds of dialogue tags is that they're too noticeable and in a way feel abrupt and interrupt the flow of dialogue and thus break the reader's immersion for a second. Readers tend to see dialogue tags more as 'periods' or 'commas' more than anything else so they should be as invisible as possible(with exceptions mind you). This is why tags like 'said', 'asked', and 'thought' are great simply because of how inconspicuous they are. They're just sort of there and don't really beg too much attention which is perfect for when your trying to break up the dialogue a bit without interrupting the flow of the writing. Also while I praised the use of description before, I noticed that the dialogue tags were used more often instead of action near the end which is honestly something I struggle with as well especially with dialogue heavy scenes like that. Overall though I liked it even though the execution was a bit sloppy.

    Thank you for the feedback and kind words. Yeah, in hindsight I would've just made this a first person story, but I started it out as third person so I was kinda stuck with it. And while I wanted Leo's interruptions to feel jarring, since it takes both Nyx and the reader out of the story, it does create some imagining problems. Those would've worked better in first person too, since then you could see Nyx being thrown out of storytelling by Leo's words as well, creating a more coherent narrative through-line. Yeah, I've just been writing a lot for English class, in which the teacher hates the word said, and really likes long descriptions, and that kinda rubbed off in my casual writing. So I'll try to use said more often, and maybe tone down my descriptions for casual writing. The end was something I was kinda just rushing a bit on, which is why it's really sloppy in comparison to my earlier portions.

    I hope to be able to read everyone else's stories over the weekend. I read the start of a few of them and they look really good.

    My RomHack Sprites

    in Sprites

    Posted

    Look pretty good. The only issues I have with these are that the third one looks a bit generic, but pretty cute, and there are always generic looking sprites so it would fit. Anyways, that and the last sprite's inner shirt. I'd make it a darker color, maybe give it a purplish tint, since right now it looks like her neck has terrible wrinkles, or like she has extra chins. But yeah, great job and I love that detective cap, that got a chuckle out of me.

    Fire Emblem: A New Dawn (Currently in production)

    in Concepts

    Posted

    I mean, I like Sue, and that married sprite you did of her is quite good, but like Zihark said I feel like it doesn't really make much sense. And if you are just having them be married as a plot device, then that kinda weakens the relationship, or the idea of it at the very least.

    Lilina and Roy are the best of friends, at minimum. Hell, he named his son Hector in this hack, that's going to mean a lot to Lilina. She isn't going to actively support a revolution, and I don't really buy her being a "Republican at heart". That isn't the vibe I've ever gotten from Lilina in the story, in her supports, or in general. They clearly like each other a lot. So, we can build off of that. Lilina would naturally be a close adviser to Roy, so maybe she gets a bit too close at points. Not saying Roy would have an affair, although that would be really interesting to see unfold, and it would fit your darker tone. After one egregious action from Lilina, Sue gets extremely mad, assumes the worst of Roy, and goes to see her mother, Lyn, who is hanging out in Etruia, chilling with some old cameos like Pent, Louise, and the like. As for why Lyn is over there, aside from it being the place to be, maybe she didn't like the way Sacae felt after a while, there was tension in the air, any excuse really. Then, the gaiden chapters are either her journey to Etruia, or her misadventures while there.

    I'm going to assume that New Hector is the main lord, so the story is going to be mostly from his perspective. He would've certainly been told tales of both wars, and of both his father's and grandfather's great deeds. So I think he should have a bit of an inferiority complex. Like, he can't imagine that whatever he does could possibly top the legacies of those he came from. With that idea out, that brings me to

    Also, I kinda want Erik not to be a dick again. It's been done at this point, maybe instead he could act as the Hector-Like death in the story, make him sympathetic, having changed his ways, or at the very least softened his hatred to the point where he's actually likeable in the "I'm a likeable douche" kinda way. Or, he could be the Jagen. Having softened his edges a bit, he decides to enlist as a knight under Roy as an apology. After some time, Roy assigns him to watch over and teach Hector. The two then grow a great bond, but Erik is still Erik, and is kinda a douche, so he decides to mock Roy and Eliwood with Hector. This could rub off on Hector, who then grows a rebellious streak that can work in tandem with his inferiority complex to make him hate his father. 

    Perhaps Hector is patrolling the countryside, and hearing that some people are starting a revolution, joins them. Yeah, he fights against his father. This is a fan-hack, we could go that far.

    I have some more ideas, but I'll save them for later. Best of luck with your hack, sounds like it should be pretty cool

    [FE6] Put Yourself In My Boots

    in Fire Emblem Drafts

    Posted

    Chapter 11B 14/140

    Marcus and Roy went north, while everyone else went South. The guide I'm using said Bartre would come out at turn 8, which is BS since he came out at turn 10 for me. That or I'm really bad at keeping track of turns. Got Lilina some levels, got Gonzo a level, and dancer dude got Strength in his level which is hilarious.

    Chapter 12 13/153

    Gave Roy the Dracoshield that I had been holding on to, and Ellen got the Energy Ring so she could have better magic since she seems to have been magic screwed for me. My right squad consisted of Bartre, who mainly just got sleeped, Lilina, because I wanted some more levels on her and the exp on this side was basically uncontested. Merlinus for the three chests, and Elphin for dancing. Merlinus would use a door key, and then get the gem, the bow, and the promotion item, which I would either sell or give to Klein. Elphin went over here since there was less crampage, so he was more manuverable. Roy got some levels, since I dropped him and ran back to Ellen with Marcus (He's kinda falling off at this point but he's also my only cav and he has amazing weapon levels.) Recruited Raigh with Chad, he didn't do anything else, aside from dodge eclipse a few times, which is unavoidable. I run into the issue of either promoting Ellen later, or Raigh later, but I'll come to that problem after chapter 14. Promoted Lilina at the end, since she had capped magic so I figured why not. I had this time because of bad placement on my part, since I keep forgetting that thrones have a movement cost.

    Chapter 12x 9/162

    I could've done this in eight, but I wanted a fresh chest key and the white gem. So Roy sat around for one turn, and Marcus ran to get that chest. Spammed torch with Ellen, and I realize that I never actually bought a Flux tome for Raigh, so he's stuck with Nosfuratu for a bit. Didn't deploy him, and instead got Lilina some more levels. Also Gonzo, who I'm pretty sure hasn't leveled Strength. I'm so close to B-staves, when I finally have access to Physic, which is barely better with Ellen's 6 magic but it's something damnit. I wish I had drafted a thief, but there are enough chest keys for me to get what I want.

    Chapter 13 12/174

    Went on a huge buying spree, probably a bad idea, don't really care. Bartre and Lilina handled the bottom part while I sent everyone else up to try and recruit Percival. That didn't pan out, since he ran away after being hit once by Dieke so that was pretty much a waste. Got some great levels, and the Body Ring out of it, so I'll say it was good in the end. Not sure who I should use it on yet. Probably Raigh, since Dark Magic is pretty heavy, although Marcus with the Body Ring wouldn't get weighted down by Steel Lances, so it's a bit of a toss up. 

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