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Posts posted by DarthR0xas

  1. 6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

    ...Where was I being an ass? I was just directing her to the new thread. Jesus Christ

    It was your wording. Using words like "have" over such an inconsequential post is kinda an ass move.

    6 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

    Also, the new thread is needed because Anonymous is now running the contest. He cannot edit someone else's post, so he can't do anything with Rapier's OP here. So we kind of DO have to transition to Anon's thread

    I'm well aware of that fact, which is why I said at the end that she should post her entry there, but said transition doesn't have to be immediate, and there's no need to be rude over it.

    3 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

    She wasn't being forceful, I didn't take it that way.

    You didn't, but the wording Ana used seems very forceful to me.

  2. 2 hours ago, Anacybele said:

    There's a new thread, Chloey, you have to post there instead.

    With all due respect, you don't need to be an ass about it. Chloey doesn't have to do anything. There is no rule that states we all have to immediately transition to a new post. Plus with all the notifications coming from this post as opposed to Anon's, making this the more active thread, it would make sense for a quick post about whether you have an idea to write about to be made here. She should obviously post her entry in the new post as opposed to this one, but again, no one is required to do anything. 

  3. 17 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

    Also, what do people think of the rank voting site linked? Is that something y'all would actually want to use or is it...less so?

    I mean, it's neat. Certainly more flashy than plain ol' Forest voting. But it just seems to take our number one spot into account when voting, so it's really not all that different. Maybe that's a setting or something, I dunno, but it just seems like extra work right now. Although interestingly it seems like none of the people who voted Ana have voted in the thing yet, so her piece isn't actually winning in that vote.

  4. I'm fine with getting rid of rule 8, or at least loosening it. As for the minimum word count, I can see it being reduced a bit. Not too much, since while poems are nice and all, if we do away with it I can see some lazy last minute entries occurring.

    3 hours ago, Ottservia said:

    A lot of the stuff I added was stuff I wanted to put in the original but thought it was too "heavy".

    Well, Severa trying to kill herself was, well let's say it's a twist that I should've expected but didn't and caught me off guard as a a result.

  5. 4 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

    You say the dialogue was a tad off in a couple instances, do you mind pointing some of them out to me so I can review them for future stuff?

    Sure, let me grab a few examples.

    On 2/26/2019 at 10:29 PM, SoulWeaver said:

    “Meredith...I...I just wanted to say... this isn’t easy to admit, but...I...shouldn’t have...yelled at you like...look, you...you know how I am when someone throws a curveball at me, especially one like...well, like that...you know? So I thought...once I calmed down I thought I should come and...you know...apologize. And for trying to punch your...your...”

    So here the issue is the overuse of ellipses, some slightly clumsy dialogue, and also the mismanagement of her stutter/stammer. The best way to show this is for me to first re-write this, and show you my thought process behind it.

    "Meredith, I...I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have yelled at you li-look, y-you know how I am when someone throws a curveball at me, especially one that's like...like that, you know? So I, well I thought that once I had calmed down that I should come and...you know, apologize, And, for trying to punch yo-your..."

    Now, that isn't perfect. The use of I's in critical junctures makes it very hard for me to properly use dashes to indicate repeat uses or thinking, but it gets the point across. It makes the character come off as more scared and stubborn to apologize, rather than just thinking of it really hard. Again, I don't know the characters to well, but it follows the impression I got.

    On 2/26/2019 at 10:29 PM, SoulWeaver said:

    “He...he didn’t want to risk it - if anyone found out, I’d be targeted too - but...it got to be...it was just...I couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t hard to get into his room without him knowing, so I waited for him to come get ready for bed, and when he came I said…”

    Same issues as before, but this time with a few odd dashes thrown in.

    "He...he didn't wanna risk it. If anyone found out, th-then I'd be targeted too. Bu-but it got to be...it was...it was just too much. I easily got into his room without his knowing, and...and I just as easily waited for him to come get ready for bed. W-when he came in, I...I said..."

    Again, a little clumsy on my part since I's with dashes look bad (I-I looks more like a TIE fighter than a stammer), but it generally flows better imo.

    On the repeat read, it isn't quite as bad as I originally said, far less glaring things, and more nitpicks like the stammers and waits being kinda off.

  6. Alright, time for the critiques.



    This story was alright. Mecha isn't my favorite genre of things, so I'm a little biased against it, but it's well written, the dialogue is mostly good (maybe one or two odd or slightly off lines, nothing major that I would dock you points for). I feel that there's a bit of unnecessary fluff, and there's one major flaw I have with it. Both of those are somewhat linked, and the issue is that all of this is coming from the third party perspective that for most of the piece is Sally oriented. The problem being that the character in question here is Wufei, not Sally. I feel like I really know Sally, I don't feel like I know Wufei. Maybe if we had seen everything from Wufei's perspective, this peace would be improved, and we could better see the tension within him. This is where the fluff comes in, since after Wufei leaves, all the extra stuff that Sally rambles on about is a bit of scene dressing and character development for her. I personally think it would've been better to keep us as the reader more in the dark, which is where following Wufei more would've come in.



    I really liked this one. I might not get all the pairings, or the odd OCs, but that probably just comes from the more unique universe this comes from. Although it took me longer than I would like to admit that Annie was Morgan's sister. I also think just calling the Avatar Robin makes the story a little bit easier to understand. It's just an extra second of processing, so nothing that extreme. Disregarding my nitpicks, I agree with the sentiment that this is probably the best work you've ever written. The dialogue was great, characterization equally so, and I really got a feel for most of the characters. If I had to say one thing I wanted a little more of, it's a look into Fredrick's mind. What's there is amazing, I just wanted a little more of it. But yeah, amazing job. (Also sorry about the ban, Dragoncat's post about that ironically came in halfway through writing my critique. To be optimistic, at least you're only gone till the 7th.)

    @Tactician Robin


    Right off the bat, small formatting error that really bugs me. Don't indent every starting line, especially the single line ones. It just looks bad imo. Regardless of formatting, this story is alright. It feels odd that Hunter is giving Robin the advice about mistakes, and I kinda thought the whole idea with Morgan is that she came from an entirely different timeline, but there's nothing too wrong with this story. I don't really have much to say, solid story, but it has some room to improve.



    Alright, this might be my favorite story. I am completely biased since I really like Severa, but even without that it's really good. You really get into the head-space of the character, and the situation is actually pretty believable. Even with modern techniques, sharpening swords is pretty tough, so in ye' olden days it'll be even harder for poor Severa. And swords can actually break due to a really poor sharpening job, not quite to the extreme shown in the piece, but that's still an accurate thing that can occur. The father-daughter dynamic here was quite well shown, although the father just being Robin kinda felt like it was a bit of a cop out, since he can just be a generic "oh, I love my daughter" kind of dad. I think the father being someone like Gaius would've made the story more interesting (not to say you should've used Gaius, just an example). 

    I won't go into a full breakdown of your story @TheSilentChloey, since it wasn't an official entry. I liked it, and it incorporated the prompt well



    I really liked the progression of this one. From a Sothe on the streets who is blind to the truth, to Ike with Greil who learns what mistakes can do, and that you need to improve from them, to Sothe learning that lesson, to Miccy learning that lesson, and then to acknowledgement of the lesson but also a situation that lines back to the start, with them acting as if nothing happened. Really good stuff. The character interactions were all great too. One thing that bugged me was the inconsistent font size. It would make sense if maybe a smaller font indicated thoughts, but that never seemed to be the case. Formatting aside, this is my favorite story when I don't have my Severa bias. With said bias, solid number 2.



    I decided to read the author's notes afterwards, and the context that I missed was a little confusing, but not too much so. The lass had premarital sex in an era where you really couldn't do that, something happened and now they're here. I didn't quite get where they were at, or why everyone was scared of Chell (also I missed the fact that this was an original piece because I'm dumb like that, so I though Chell was Morgan for a while). It was pretty well written, no formatting errors. The dialogue was a tad odd in some instances, but it wasn't anything that took me out of the experience.



    Did you intend this as a tragic comedy? Because I was laughing basically all the way through. Names like "Master Goodness" and "Master Badness", with their sidekicks Trevor and Scott. The fucking Lucky Charms. It was all brilliant. This is like if a 90's Saturday morning cartoon was corrupted but never actually lost that jovial tone. You never cease to surprise me with your story's. Anyways, there were a few spelling errors that threw me off, and I feel that the character of Scott was a little under-cooked, but you've done an amazingly funny job with whatever small amount of time you had to throw this together.

  7. 8 minutes ago, This boi uses Nino said:

    If you can't be bothered to play GBAemblem then let me tell you that pegasus knigths there are very weak. Even then in the Telius games, very VERY powerful units can kill them easily.

    In which game? FE6 they aren't that weak, Shanna can survive an arrow on normal difficulty in her joining map. In FE7 the REALLY aren't that weak, x2 effectiveness screws archers over big time, and makes the fliers in that game neigh untouchable. FE8 slightly depends on the flier, but most if not all of them can survive the few arrow enemies in that game. It's especially easy for survival in FE7 and 8, since the enemies all such and don't scale in the slightest there. Pegasi are one of the best classes in GBA FE, only slightly worse than Wyverns and Paladins, which are both so good that being only slightly worse than them is quite the achievement. 

    Unless you meant enemy pegasus units, which I think you might've been upon re-reading that. Skimmed the post on my first go around when I saw this. Yeah enemy pegasi suck. Steel lances that kill their speed and other fun stuff you can show your friends.

    44 minutes ago, NinjaMonkey said:

    Apart from RD!Shinon, archers are complete and utter garbage, so...

    They're pretty good in FE2 and Echoes with their large range. FE6 some of them, namely Shin, are great due to the wyvern hell of that game. FE14 fixed a lot of Archer's issues, or at least made a broken archer by proxy of Takumi being a royal. RD!Shinon isn't the only exception to the archers are trash statement.


  8. Aw man, I accidentally slept past the deadline. Ah well, I'm still going to post my submission. It's alright if it doesn't get added to the poll, I did miss the deadline by about five hours, so it's only fair, but if you guys could still give a little feedback that'd be greatly appreciated.

    The Zero in Darkness

    Word Count: 1264


    DiZ sat in his computer chair, staring at the monitor as he uttered, “My sins are unforgivable, what I have done must be atoned for.”

    DiZ had spent the last year trying to reconstruct the memories of Sora, with the help of a girl named Namine and a fellow in a black hood who went by the name Ansem. Ansem had served as the muscle in this operation, securing a boy named Roxas who possessed a crucial part of Sora’s memories due to his state of being. He also influenced some other lass, whose name, as well as basically everything about her, escapes DiZ’s memory. Namine herself was set to be discarded after all of this was over.

    The hooded Ansem spoke up, interrupting DiZ’s thoughts. “Is that really what you’re thinking old man? Sora’s finally back up on his feet and that’s the first thing you go for? Celebrate your success a little, we can fix your mistakes later.”

    “There is no we about this, my friend.” DiZ said as he adjusted the red bands that surrounded his head, covering all but one eye and his mouth, and even those were disguised with a layer of darkness. “These are my mistakes, for which only I should be held responsible. You should go out and help Sora, lord knows that boy needs every bit of aid he can get.”

    “That’s nonsense DiZ, and you know it. Sora is the key to most of this, we needed him to be in his best shape, and the Castle Oblivion incident did not leave him in that position.” Taking off his black hood, Ansem looked right at where DiZ was, still facing his many monitors. The tanned man began to walk over to the chair, when DiZ stood up.

    DiZ opened one of the three pouches around his waist and pulled out two things. A photo, and an ice cream stick. “Give these to Sora, he should be able to figure them out.” Ansem chuckled, “Giving him vague hints, are we? We both know Sora isn’t the brightest, are you sure he’ll figure them out?”. As DiZ walked out the room, he turned back and said, “I have no doubts that Sora should be able to deceiver what message I’m trying to give him from those two items.” With that, DiZ headed down a long hall, towards a large, white room.

    DiZ stared at the open white pod, the one that had once housed Sora, and began to dwell on his past. It was around a decade ago when he made his first large mistake. Back then, he still used the name Ansem the Wise, and he was a professor to many students. One of them, a young albino named Xehanort, wanted to research the heart further than Ansem was willing to let him. His devout refusal led to the presumed deaths of around half a dozen of his students, as well as a few innocent bystanders. Of course, now Ansem knew that they had instead turned into Nobodies, beings without hearts. These men became a group known as Organization 13. Ansem had ran away into the realm of darkness, where he became a passive observer of these events of the years. He saw the boy Roxas, who had only came into existence a year ago, become another pawn of that Organization, as well as his growth as a person. He saw the girl Namine, who was also a Nobody, discover her advanced powers of memory manipulation, which specifically effected Sora for reasons beyond him. With both of them supposedly being heartless, Ansem had foolishly thought that this meant he could use them however he pleased.

    The kidnapping of Roxas, and the subsequent placing of him within a digital version of Twilight Town caused the boy tremendous physical and mental strain, and in the end, he would die, or at least disappear so Sora could come back. Namine was a similar story. Members of the Organization forced her into using her unique ability to mentally destroy Sora for their own nefarious purposes, which is the situation that forced Ansem to finally step in. He donned the mask of DiZ, a mysterious man cloaked in red, since his name had been tarnished over the years by pretenders.

    “Those poor children,” DiZ muttered aloud, “forced to be pawns in every game they were a part of.”

    “Still going on about that old man? Give it a rest already.”

    That hooded Ansem was back, why or for what purpose he used DiZ’s old name, the answers eluded him, but right now Ansem was all that DiZ really had for a friend.

    “How can I give it a rest Ansem?” DiZ despondently asked, “Everything we’ve done, everything I have done, what good was it for if it came at the cost of innocent lives? What good was it if the lives of two, no, three children were sacrificed for the life of Sora?”

    The Ansem in the black coat started laughing to himself. “Alright old man, I’ll let you in on some insider info. You’re fully aware that the second Sora learns what’s befallen Roxas, Namine, and whoever that third person you keep referencing is, he will put everything into getting them a proper body, correct? And that right now Sora just finished clearing out well over a thousand heartless over in Hollow Bastian? Forgive me if this seems a bit too forward, but every bit of good that Sora is out there doing is due to your meddling. If the saving of well over a dozen worlds, as well as the eventual defeat of the Organization doesn’t seem like enough good to you, then what else can we do?”

    The name of Hollow Bastian reminded Ansem of that place, the time before he had fled as the world fell into darkness. The memories of joy, love, and learning. The times when life seemed perfect. It reminded him of Aqua, and how he had met her right before Roxas and Namine came into existence. It reminded him that moping about does nothing, and that only actions could fix what he had done.

    “Fair points Ansem.” DiZ said, “Sora does seem to be fixing everything that went wrong, but how will he find out about Roxas? About Namine?” Ansem gave a bit of a smirk as he said, “He’s already in the process of doing so.” DiZ, confused, asked “What, how could he already know about them?” “Well, Roxas is his nobody, they’re intrinsically linked, so it’s only natural with the clues you’ve left him that he’d figure it out. As for Namine, it seems they left themselves a note mentioning her name, so they’re trying to figure out who she is as well.”

    It all seemed a bit too perfect, but that’s the way life was at some points. “Alright Ansem,” DiZ said with a smile, “I’ll quit brooding and start helping with the situation. You head off to The World that Never Was, I have to go grab an old invention of mine.”

    “It’s that time already?” Ansem asked, putting his hood back up.

    “Sora should be arriving there soon enough, I assume he’ll need all the help he can get” DiZ said, walking off back down the hallway.

    “I suppose you’re right.” Ansem said as he opened a portal to darkness and went off to help Sora.

    Meanwhile, as DiZ looked around for his device, his heart finally had hope. He could fix his mistakes, he could atone for his sins. Then maybe, he could finally live in peace.

    Author's Notes/A bit of explanation if you don't know Kingdom Hearts:


    This is one of my favorite pieces of writing I've done, mainly since I feel like it could actually fit in the canon of the story. I probably went a little out of character for both Riku (the person referred to as Ansem in this story) and Ansem (DiZ). DiZ stands for Darkness in Zero, by the by. That's where the title comes from. Anyways, one self-imposed challenge with this piece is that both characters are technically named Ansem, so I had to refer to the real Ansem as DiZ for most of it. Calling hooded Ansem "Riku" wouldn't really make sense until later, so I couldn't do that. That's why it seems a little clumsier than I would like at certain points, since I had to cover any misinterpretations that might occur due to the name sharing. If you guys need any more clarification, just ask and I'll try to answer anything to the best of my ability, but I'm just going to submit this now so it doesn't turn into me being six hours past deadline.


  9. Hey, this seemed like fun, and since Azure offered, I guess I'm joining. Since this seems like a pretty squishy party, I'll be the brawn of the group. I'm thinking of an Elvish Fighter. The current name I'm thinking of is Glanoa Sietrovich. I'll get back to you on her character details later.

    So are we rolling or doing point-by for stats? I normally just do Point-By, since it's way more balanced, but if we're rolling that's alright.

  10. 1 minute ago, Carmine Sword said:

    I wasn't sure if defaulting to Gen II units was the best idea for assigning units, but my line of thinking was that Gen I units could be used as fathers at the very least and thus could be potentially more useful over the entire game in an indirect way cause of inheritance. I didn't want to assign them totally randomly cause it felt like too much RNG. I'd probably change how units would be assigned in future drafts. I didn't really have a system set up for this ahead of time cause I thought 24 hours would be enough time to pick units :(:.

    It might just turn into a "Crimsonvolt gets the best Gen 2 team ever, while having almost no Gen 1 game" kind of draft.

  11. 1 minute ago, Carmine Sword said:

    @DarthR0xasTerrador can't be given Lachesis cause he already has one of her substitute children. Actually he has both I just noticed. 

    This is a rule that was in the old SOYO drafts cause it prevents people from ending up with half of their team unrecruitable.

    Oh, my bad. Skimmed the rules and missed that one. Makes sense why no one was doing that in hindsight, I thought it was a fairly obvious strategy. I'll just give him Linda.


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