unfortunately the two biggest things that i would like done differently are out of my control, like a chronic illness that runs on my dad's side with no way to prevent or cure, and a learning disability in math so severe that only the most basic ass problems aren't a nightmare for me
most of the stuff i would have like to have done differently is stand up for myself/get back at people who hurt me, even if there would be consequences for me...its better than being a doormat and letting people do whatever the hell they want to you -- my parents, brother, the kids who bullied me all-throughout school and my former best-friend turned abuser who would say/do too much awful shit to list + tried to spread rumors about me and make it look like they were the victim to the point where I LITERALLY ended up in the hospital once and nearly several other times due to diabetic ketoacidosis due to constant high blood sugars/lack of sleep from the intense stress i was under
i shoulda saved the logs but i'm a dumbass BUT on the other hand i don't think its safe for me to read any of them again...its ok though because i completely cut off ties with them and i have no idea where they're at nowadays
THOUGH now that i think about it the smartest thing for me to wish was different was to never have gotten close to them in the first place to have avoid all of that trauma-- i still think they deserve the worst though
other things i would have liked to have done differently is
- done a better job filtering what i looked at/who i chose to hang out with on the internet when i was 11-16 because that shit does a number on you
- figured out how to get therapy sooner so maybe i could handle my bpd better
- figuring out how to call child services as a kid on my parents maybe(not that i'd expect anything to come of it)
- try to pursue becoming youtube/instagram/influencerwhatever famous like sure people would think i'm a total sellout and hate me but at least i'd have money possibly!!!
- not denying myself and wasting so many years hurting myself by pretending to be straight because i chose one of the worst people to out myself as bisexual to when i was 14 and they convinced me i was doing it for """attention"""
jokes on them i'm still very much bi and also non-binary