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So there I was, sitting in front of my laptop, staring at a textedit page that I had opened up. It was a cool, summer night, and I was planning on staying up all night to write a personal statement for college. My mind was blank, I was nervous and it hadn't occurred to me that my brothers were about to go to the liquor store for late-night snacks. I thought to myself, "Well... I could go for a can of Arnie. (This is a drink known as "Arnold Palmer". It's basically iced tea mixed with lemonade. It's a gentleman's drink, you see. It's a me drink.) I should ask him for some." And so I did. He replied, "Where's the money?" "Damn!" I though, "I'm penniless..." I would have begged him to buy one for me, but I'm not that kind of guy. I said, "Oh, well, maybe next time." He laughed and said, "Ha! You're as broke as me now." What a cad... Him and my little brother opened the door and talked on the porch for a bit. They discussed whether or not it would be best to purchase Nacho Cheese doritos or those god-awful blue ones. Stale Semen flavor, I think they were called. As they were about to decide, my younger brother shouted, "Don't you take another step!" I immediately thought that he had finally snapped. All those days of playing Warframe, grinding and selling crap items to fools in the marketplace... I finally thought it had broken him. I was wrong, however, because as soon as I set foot outside the doorway, I noticed his arm stretched out in front of my older brother. He was warning him, protecting him from the evil creature that made our porch its home. It was white and gold. It had eight legs and eight eyes. It looked like a demon straight out of the Goetia. Yes, it was here to tempt us with the knowledge of the world, but little did it know that, although my younger brother is a terrible merchant, he is wise to the ways of demons and their ilk. My brothers and I froze in horror and disgust. How dare this unholy arachnid think itself so clever as to craft its web in front our very faces! It was insulting! Normally, we would banish such creatures with our... uh, vaccum, but we knew we were no match for this beast. Instead, we left it alone. We decided to wait 'till morning, when it was most vulnerable, to initiate our attack. But woe is the man who thinks himself so clever for simply moving a chess piece onto a most strategic space without thinking ahead of the game! As we maneuvered past the web, there was another eight-legged beast building a hellish web of evil right in front of our very faces! If it were not for my younger brother's excellent eyesight, I daresay that he and I would have been food for the beast and its cohort. I am thankful that I have family to rely on. We plan on henceforth removing the beasts at the break of dawn. Whatever victims they manage to catch tonight shall be their last. Pray for my safety, dear friends. I am a humble man, but I am also a weak one. I cannot do this alone. Again, I ask for your prayers. Thank you