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Found 4 results

  1. Originally conceived in tribute to Mel Brooks's new miniseries History of the World, Part II, here I offer what no other writer's done: Fire Emblem meets 'Borscht Belt' humor (or my close approximation of it), with a bit of something completely different thrown in for good measure. Be warned, some jokes have been slightly tweaked--just in case. They said the worlds of Fire Emblem couldn't get any funnier. They're about to be proven wrong, for better or worse, thanks to two of the great spoof masters. Guest-starring Steve Martin as Theodoric of York: Medieval...Jack-of-All-Trades...and "Weird Al" Yankovic as the head monk of 'the Order of Our Father of Perpetual Refrain'... *Disclaimer: I own nothing of Nintendo, Intelligent Systems, the work(s) of one Melvin Kaminsky and friends, or the work(s) of certain Misters Chapman, Idle, Gilliam, Jones, Cleese, and Palin. I'm just here to be amusing. Additionally, the events depicted are to be imagined in the visual style of DeviantArt user arktoons.* Prologue It was dawn at Askr Castle as the Gatekeeper of Garreg Mach watched the sun rise over the hills from his position at the entrance. Though vigilance was always part of his duty, he made sure to take the time to take in sights like a sunrise, one of those little things that shouldn't be taken for granted. He soon found that he wasn't alone in his musings when the Summoner walked up to him with two steaming mugs in-hand. "Greetings, Summoner!" the Gatekeeper said with a salute. "Nothing to report, so far." "At ease, McCarley," the Summoner said in turn as he handed one of the mugs to the Gatekeeper in question. "And I've told you before, no need to be so formal with me. Kiran'll do just fine." "Er, right, sorry about that," McCarley replied. "Force of habit." "I hear that," Kiran concurred as the two 'clinked' their tea mugs before taking a sip and watching the sunrise. "Never get tired of this, given all that goes on here." "You said it," McCarley affirmed, before a puzzled look appeared on his face. "You see that?" Kiran squinted a bit as he looked in the distance. "Yeah, I do--looks like some guy running this way." "Wonder what from?" McCarley asked. Soon, the figure got closer and closer, his panting growing more audible by the minute. The two could now make out the figure occasionally giving brief looks back, as if trying to see if he was being followed, sometimes stumbling as he went. Finally, their concern grew when the man managed to reach their line of sight, at which point he nearly collapsed at their feet, only to be caught by a surprised Kiran. Unsure at first of what to do, McCarley then offered the panting man his cup of tea, which the man took and almost greedily drank in one gulp, the heat not getting to him at all. Upon closer inspection, the man was old, with white hair and a white beard that went down to his upper chest. He wore a red robe with two white stripes that went down along each side, a small black strip inset on each; the red tunic underneath the robe was held in place by a large black-and-white striped belt, and the man wore sandals on his feet. He also carried a staff akin to the kind shepherds usually held. Given the world he originated from, a thought soon occurred to Kiran. Why does this guy look like Moses? he wondered. And then it came to him--the way the old man appeared before them, his look...It all pointed to one thing. Oh, boy--just when I thought this multiverse couldn't surprise me anymore... McCarley, unaware of the Summoner's thoughts at the moment, was doing his best to help the old man be at ease. "Sir, are you okay? What happened? What were you running from?" The old man dropped the empty mug and clutched desperately at the surprised McCarley's collar, before he answered him, in a nearly-hoarse voice, with one single word: "It's-" [Suggested music: "The Liberty Bell", as recorded by the Band of the Grenadier Guards.] Aior0sS@ggitar!us Proudly Presents: Mel Brooks's Monty Python and the Fire Emblem
  2. I had this idea some weeks back, and not to brag, but it seems so brilliant in its relative simplicity. What do you get when you mix one of the most popular recent Fire Emblem entries... With one of the most, if not the, iconic college comedy films ever made? The answer: National Lampoon's Fire Emblem: Five Animal Houses The setup: A more satirical take on the 'academy phase' of Fire Emblem: Three Houses that sees Garreg Mach as home to not just three student houses--Black Eagles, Blue Lions, and Golden Deer--and the unofficial 'fourth house' in the Ashen Wolves, but with the addition of a fifth. The one with a reputation almost as bad as the Ashen Wolves. The Verdant Varmints, whose animal symbol is a rodent of indeterminate species classification. The students: The students of the Verdant Varmints are, like the Ashen Wolves, an eclectic mix of faces from all three major powers on the continent of Fodlan. (They're also essentially the Deltas transplanted to a Fire Emblem setting.) The more prominent members include: -Erich "Otter" Von Stratten - house leader and handsome, confident 'ladykiller' more notorious than Sylvain and Lorenz combined (also on good terms with the former while the latter finds him disdainful). Casual friends with Claude and Yuri due to their mutual penchant for scheming. Class progression: noble - myrmidon - lord - hero -Donal "Boon" Von Schoens - everyman student of the Verdant Varmints, has a casual friendship with Dmitri, Dedue, Raphael, Ignatz, Caspar, and Bernadetta, who he looks out for like a little sister. Boyfriend of fellow Verdant Varmint student Katya, though their relationship can be as rocky as that of Ferdinand and Dorothea or Sylvain and Ingrid. Class progression: noble (minor house) - soldier - cavalier - paladin -Katya - one of the resident magic-users of the Verdant Varmints, and girlfriend of "Boon". Mutual friends with Dorothea, Ingrid, Annette, Mercedes, Hilda, and Petra, casually acquainted with Edelgard, Marianne, and Hapi. Her relationship with "Boon" can be best described as a series of peaks and valleys. Class progression: noble (minor house) - monk - mage - warlock -Roberto of House Hoover - the most straitlaced of the Verdant Varmints, an affable, kind young man who does his best to respect others. The other main magic user of the Verdant Varmints. On friendly terms with fellow study-hards Lindhardt, Lysithea, Ignatz, and Ashe. Class progression: noble (minor house) - monk - priest - bishop -Johann "Bluto" Blutarski - the wildman of the Verdant Varmints. Rude, crude, and not as bright as his fellow students, yet is the one who initiates new recruits into the house. Frequent sparring partner to Raphael, Leonie, Caspar, Felix, Balthus, and Dmitri, who in spite of Johann's attitude has great respect for his unorthodox fighting style. Class progression: commoner - fighter - brigand - warrior -Daniel "Doombringer" Simpson Day - the most skilled horseman of the Verdant Varmints, as well as an expert on building siege weapons (which earns him the respect of Claude and Edelgard). Class progression: commoner - soldier - cavalier - paladin - bow knight -Laurence "Pinto" Von Kroger - newest initiate into the Verdant Varmint house, alongside best friend Kent "Flounder" Van Dorffmann. Casual friends with Ignatz, Ashe, and Caspar. Winds up developing a relationship with Flayn (much to Seteth's chagrin). Class progression: commoner - myrmidon - archer - sniper -Kent "Flounder" Van Dorffmann - like best friend "Pinto", newest initiate into the Verdant Varmints; also something of a legacy member, as his older brother Frederick was a member during his time as a Garreg Mach student. Gets along well with the 'big eaters' of Garreg Mach (Raphael, Ingrid, and Caspar) as well as with Marianne and Bernadetta over their shared status as gentle souls. Leonie, Raphael and Caspar help him get in shape for his class certifications. Class progression: commoner - fighter - armored knight - fortress knight Roles of certain established characters: -Seteth - the 'Dean Wormer' of the story, though less authoritarian. -Manuela - the 'Marion Wormer', to a lesser degree. (Allows for little variations on iconic Animal House lines like "You can take your thumb out of my rear any time now, Hanneman.") -Dmitri - the 'Doug Neidermeyer', though less hostile to the Verdant Varmints -Edelgard - a rough expy for Babs -Hubert - a rough expy for Greg Marmalard -Constance - a rough expy for Mandy -Caspar - a rough expy for Chip Diller Plot: As stated, a more comedic version of the 'academy phase'. Jeralt and his twin children, Byron and Byleth (known in most merc circles by their collective nickname the 'twin Ashen Demons'), save Edelgard, Dmitri, Claude, and Erich from bandits, and are subsequently brought back to Garreg Mach. Jeralt resumes his post as Captain of the Knights of Seiros, while the twins become the academic leaders of two of the houses on campus. Byron chooses to oversee the Blue Lions, while Byleth, to everyone's surprise, chooses the Verdant Varmints. Byleth, in this role, finds herself challenged beyond what she imagined, between "Otter's" charming slyness and "Bluto's" comically berserk antics, among other things; yet over time, this Ashen Demon learns to really cut loose and have fun thanks to her charges. Of course, the antics of the Verdant Varmints draw Seteth's ire, who seeks to find a way to put the house of 90% troublemakers in their place for good. All the while, the Verdant Varmints stumble onto the respective machinations of Edelgard, Those Who Slither in the Dark, and even Archbishop Rhea herself. It all comes to a head when, on the day that Edelgard (with backup from Thales and co.) attacks the monastery and Rhea leads the rest of the Knights and the student body in its defense...the Varmints ruin everything for both sides when they completely disrupt the battle in a mightily comedic climax. Rhea (flatly, on seeing "Bluto" pop out of the Varmints' unconventionally-designed mobile siege weapon, in full warrior attire): "Oh my goddess." Seteth (resignedly, as "Doombringer" drives the weapon towards the Church and Empire leadership at ramming speed): "I hate those guys." Thales (also resignedly): "For once, we agree on something." The sheer absurdity of what happens is enough to finally crack the stoic façade of Shamir, who bursts out laughing at what the Varmints did to the flow of the battle. Well...whaddya think? Does it have potential?
  3. Hello i'm kaiserbaedd and this is the adventures of the many lifetimes of our lord and savior Brian. What? This is an abridge style LP following our lord and savior Brian? What do you mean by our lord and savior Brian? Watch The life of Brian before clicking on the spoilers So what does that mean for the LP than? I'm gonna loosely follow the story but i'm gonna try and keep the serious moments in tho. I'm also playing thought the game on hard classic mode. What about story spoilers? Try and avoid spoiling thing that happens in the game and the other route until we reach that point but if you much post something do it with the spoiler tag Can the readers help influence the LP? Yes, peoples can suggest what characters i recruit and how to build them up(i.e. armour knight Annette, dark knight Claude, etc...) including Brian When will the first part be up and how often will you update? Part 1 will be up tomorrow and i'm gonna try and update it every few days. See y'all tomorrow
  4. I've been throwing around this idea, it would make a great webcomic along the lines of Brawl in the Family and Awkward Zombie, but since I kinda suck at art, I'm just going to write it out! You are welcome to suggest ideas or leave general comments in the feedback thread. Without further ado, the cast! Men's Dorm Supervisor: Dunban Women's Dorm Supervisor: Nabooru Teachers: Professors Oak, Birch, Elm, Rowan, Juniper, Sycamore, Kukui Male Students: Link, Shulk, Boyd, Ike, Alm, Reyn, Pipit, Groose, Mario, Luigi Female Students: Zelda, Melia, Elincia, Celica, Karane, Malon, Lyn, Ashei, Peach, Daisy The Link and Zelda are generic ones, not specifically from any game. Men's Dorm Layouts: 1: Link and Shulk 2: Boyd and Reyn 3: Ike and Groose 4: Alm and Pipit 5: Mario and Luigi 6: Dunban Women's Dorm Layouts: 1: Elincia and Melia 2: Celica and Zelda 3: Karane and Malon 4: Peach and Daisy 5: Lyn and Ashei 6: Nabooru A note on the portals and the hub this is in (first mentioned in Groceries and Gerudos): The portals to the various worlds reject anyone who doesn't belong there, to avoid the worlds mixing when they're not supposed to. A jamming signal makes conception impossible in the hub. Males still produce sperm and females still ovulate and menstruate, but sperm cannot bond with egg as long as the female is in the hub. Couples from the same world will have to go home if they want a kid. The typical college frat party stuff will never result in unplanned pregnancies. Don't worry though, this is just a bit of world building, this won't go past a PG 13 rating.
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