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It's simple, really. Post a pun or joke and rate the above poster's pun or joke on a scale of out of 10 (percentages are fine). The joke can be posted as a picture or meme. Please refrain, however, from posting personal attacks on other forumites. So I'll start: If the math teacher is talking about history during calculus class, his remarks are surely tangential.

I wrote a song about one of my favourite Three Houses characters, Sylvain Gautier, to the tune of Carly Simon's You're So Vain. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHtGqEXPz1Y

Inspired by FEH-related ones here and here. I just thought it'd be something funny we could all do together. Be serious, be memey, whatever. Enjoy!

Whether the spirit was ranked far too low or far too high for their actual power or relevance, which spirits do you think missed the mark. I'll start. Morag as a Novice is hilarious. As an experienced leader and strongest fighter of an entire country, she should be at least an Ace, if not a Legend.

Summary: What if Robin/Avatar had woken up in a different timeline? What if he had woken up in the dire future of despair that the children came from? Could destiny be changed once again or would he fail this time? -Feel free to review by PMing me :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prologue: Premonition ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "This is it! Our final battle," he told her determined. "You seem anxious. I've never seen you like this," She responded to him surprised. It was true. They had been through a lot together, and in that time he never expressed any sign of nervousness. He was always calm, smooth, collective, and ready for battle. This time he looked different, as if something was troubling him. "It's because everything has led up to this moment. Everything we've done, all our hard work, and our struggles. They are what got us right here, right now," Robin said with a serious tone. "I can't afford any more losses. Much like I can't stand losing you." She smiled. "We've faced so many things together, so I think you should know by now that I can watch my back. Right?" "Yes, I know. It's just that, I would never forgive myself if something happened to you tonight." He looked straight in her beautiful eyes. In those two pools he saw his own reflection, and the best out of himself. "Neither would I, if anything happened to you. Do you remember the plan?" She asked him seriously. "Of course. I created it after all." "Right, and this is like the Valley. Risen had us surrounded, we were outnumbered and alone." She pointed to what she could see in front of them. It was getting dark, and there was no sun to light the way while Risen covered the land that expanded before them. They couldn't even see the grass beneath the zombie horde, only the dark gray sky and the burned trees were visible. "No, the Valley differs from now." "How's that? I see no difference," she asked him curious. "Ehmm… because of this." He pressed towards her, and she couldn't help but feel the adrenaline of her heart when he put his lips on hers. She felt so protected and joyful, because she had someone right by her side. Someone she knew that had stolen her heart and would do anything for her to smile. Her blood flowed rapidly in her cheeks, making them as red as ever. He put his hands around her waist and she put hers around his neck, pulling him closer. "We should focus on our mission, we're about to start the battle. Did you forget that?" She told him in a slightly bossy tone while pushing him away, but she was unable to hide her excitement and her rosy cheeks. "I did." He replied with a broad smile, like she hadn't yelled at him. "Although, when this is over, I have prepared a small surprise for you." She nodded and asked, "Really? Then, shall we go ahead so I can see it later?" "Yes. Tell the others to guide our forces towards the enemy. We must focus on entering the castle. It's your job to tell us how to get in, and with our new weaponry, we have a chance of winning." "I know. Tonight, we will write a new future for Ylisse." "Together." He told her confidently and held her hand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And so the battle began. The zombie fighters rushed at them with a vicious aura. They couldn't listen or feel. They could only see their enemy in front of their eyes. That was their mission, to kill with no remorse of their actions. That was why the fell dragon was so powerful. Although he had great power himself, his army was the one that terrorised the countless cities it found in its path. Did that mean they were better than humans? Of course not. Although their enhanced battle abilities and skills were something to notice, they lacked human's skills like improvising, insight and the two most important ones, compassion and supportiveness for each other. Those skills, unheard to Risen, made the remains of humanity gather and forge a team with one goal in mind, the fall of the fell dragon, once and for all. In this battle, that dream was about to become real after all those years of pain and slaughter. It was the time for the sun to rise, and for the long period of peace to begin. The man, followed by his beloved one, found a path that guided them and their selected forces inside Ylisstol's castle. The building was the key for them to open the door to a bright new world. At least, that was what they thought as he looked around the room. They had just gotten in, but he told them to stay alert for anything. "What is it? You looked troubled," she asked him worried. "I don't know. This is way too easy. It was never that easy," Robin responded concerned. Right then, they heard a huge noise from outside. The man quickly turned around to see what was going on. Unfortunately, in that moment their forces were surrounded by Risen. He couldn't understand what was going on, but before he could even think, he was knocked out from behind. The last thing he remembered before closing his eyes was his beloved one and the feeling of extreme disappointment. He had failed her, something he swore never to do. He awoke disoriented and confused when he slowly opened his eyes. He tried looking around to get his bearings and unconsciously moved his hand only to find that it was tied tight to a metallic chair. With a quick look around the room, he saw nothing but a dim light from a candle nearby. At once, he tried to think of ways to get out of this condition. Alas, the metallic chair was bolted to the ground so he couldn't break it. His hands and legs were also tied with a plastic-like cord making it impossible to move. Not to mention that he seemed very weak. Unable to find an idea to escape, he waited there looking towards the candle's light, and smelling its wax scent. All he could do now was worry about his friends and his love, about their failure, and about the person who betrayed them. Suddenly, he heard noises of footsteps. Then, the sound of a door cringing open. Before he knew it, a man appeared before him, holding another candle and a knife. "Thank goodness! Hurry! Cut the ropes and let's save our men! Hope isn't lost yet!" The man in front of him laughed sarcastically. "Your plan failed tactician. We've been holding you here for a while now. The battle was lost before it started, and there is nothing you can do anymore." "What?… We? It was YOU! You hit me from behind! You… Traitor! How could you? We trusted you! I trusted you!" He tried to move in a fury but he couldn't. "I am definitely going to enjoy this. You are alive because I ordered them not to kill you. You know, for old times' sake, but I came here with a deal. You will tell us where you are keeping it. You kept that secret for yourself and-" "Don't speak her name!" He cried furiously as his face reddened in anger. Robin moved his body with rage to escape, only to be stopped a third time by his ties. "Haha! I won't. I was so close, but so far away. You lied about its place. It wasn't where I thought it was. Tell me where the real one is and I will grant you a place right next to lord Grima." "I prefer to die before I help you! Snake!" He spat at his face using the only way to attack he could think of. However, the man wiped it away from his eye and continued like nothing had happened. "Don't worry I am not in hurry. I have all the time I need. I finally defeated you! Could I ask for more?" "Arrrgggghhh!" It was a female scream. One he recognised immediately. "NO! What are you doing to her? You crazy psychopath! Tell me, damn it!" "You will tell me where you hid it! Or she will die. I will slaughter her in front of you, but if you comply then I will let you keep her head! Haha!" The man laughed evilly. "Now, tell me where you hid it!" Robin was lost in thought. He had no other choice but to comply. "Tell me Sir Robin. How did everything begin? Tell me everything you know or she will suffer." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fire Emblem: The Man That Never Was Prologue-Premonition ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A/N (Author's Note): Hello everybody :) This story was created to become something completely new, based on the characters we all love (from Awakening) and maybe answer in some interesting questions, like "Can Robin change the fate of a doomed world?, Can love be found in such place?" Well... I believe there is only one way to find out :P This prologue is a bit shorter on purpose to smoothly proceed into the main story. Please don't mind any grammatical errors. No copyright intended. Until next time! Please have yourselves a darn good one :D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ J.D. King

Quick Summary: This story is set after the events of Fire Emblem : Awakening. The male Avatar/David faces a new threat far greater than he or anyone could ever imagine. Will he be consumed by the upcoming darkness or will the light inside him prevail? ____________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________ Many historians, poets, and bards did their best to recount David's deed's, though everyone agreed though in one thing . . . ____________________________________________________________________________________ Prologue: "The End's Beginning" ____________________________________________________________________________________ He was silent. In front of him he saw himself, lying powerless on the beast's body. "David", corrupted by Grima, the fell dragon. Then instantly he listened to Naga's voice once again … "If Chrom takes the final blow, Grima will be put in another 1000 years slumber. But in order for Grima to vanish permanently, you David must deliver the final hit." … "That's how I died in the future. My conscious was taken over by him. My emotions weren't strong enough to resist the dark inside me" he thought. "David don't do it! You can't" Chrom shouted, in a desperate try not to lose his best friend. David, Ylisse' s Tactician, remained silent. He looked around him. Then, he was staring at a particular person. ____________________________________________________________________________________ "Your highness, my prince! I am afraid I must deliver bad news! " the messenger said. He looked terrified. "What is it, hierarch? You look shocked." Chrom replied. "Ylisstol my prince, it … it has fallen sir. " "It can't be… David! We must think of a new plan now!" the prince ordered. "No way…" David shed a tear. "Its … my fault, Chrom, Emmeryn … I am sorry … How many were lost ?" The tactician was shocked by the news. Who wouldn't? Houses were torn apart and others were burned, only to become nothing more but ashes. "More than a thousand sir, I am afraid. Including some of our finest pegasus knights". David couldn't forgive himself. This marked his first failure as a tactician. He wasn't thinking straight and of course he blamed himself for this. The rest Shepherds lowered their heads. "My lady… I… I am-" He barely could speak. When Chrom had found him unconscious in the valley, he saw David's potential as a tactician. It was David's duty to protect him, but he failed today and miserably. "There is no need to apologise David, everything will go fine. I must go back to Ylisstol. I must help my people. Chrom you should take care of the Fire Emblem. Huh?" Suddenly, they saw a white pegasus flying above them. The rider gently hit the pegasus with their boot, as an order for the mythical creature to land. The rider rushed at the exalt. "My lady I will deliver bad ne-" the rider tried to speak, but Emmeryn told her to stop. "I already know. The hierarch told us." Emmeryn replied. "But how my lady ? I was the only survivor of the pegasus knights… I was the only one to flee." They seemed confused. A wave of wyvern riders appeared in the horizon. They knew Emmeryn was there and had the Fire Emblem with her. "Oh no …." Emmeryn's eyes revealed her fear. "I am sorry my exalt. They told me that they would kill me." The hierarch said. "That's how you knew the news before me!" The rider said. In a blink of an eye, the hierarch started running away and escaped. "Hey! How would you betray us? Come back here, coward!" Chrom shouted out of anger. "David, Shepherds, everyone we must stand by for battle!" The battle was indeed rough, but quick. Vasto the Plegian's wyvern rider forces commander was exceptionally skilled and had a well trained army. In the end though, the Shepherds won thanks to David's great tactics, Chrom's battle instinct and the pegasus knight's skill. Some of them were injured, but Lissa' s and Maribelle' s staff took care of them. David then went to thank the pegasus rider. "My I couldn't be more thankful for your help …" David tried to learn the knight's name. "Oh, Cordelia! My name is Cordelia". She pulled her helmet off her head. David was astonished by her beauty. Cordelia had long straight red hair, white as snow skin and beautiful red eyes. "There is no need to thank me. Your tactics brought us the victory". David could barely speak. "Is everything okay ?" She asked. David blushed. "Yeah sorry I just remembered I need to talk to Chrom". A quick excuse for him to leave and stop embarrassing himself. He wasn't very good with women. He was always anxious around them. He thought they found him boring. Alongside his memories, the feeling of love was forgotten as well. A feeling that he remembered today. ____________________________________________________________________________________ "David! There must be another way! I won't lose my best friend! I beg you... Please!" Chrom was desperately trying to convince David not to kill Grima. David remained silent. His other self was unconscious, lying on the floor. He was still unsure what to do. Then, he listened a familiar voice. "David ! When you proposed me, you made me the happiest woman on earth. I want to keep you close to me for the rest of our days. David I love you! I need you! Don't you turn your back at me!" "Cherry this for your own good." He liked to call her "Cherry" as her signature red hair reminded him cherries as well as her scent. The scent of his woman was, for him, priceless. "For the good of our children." he continued. "I … I don't want be responsible for the death of more people, even if they die 1000 years from now. I can destroy him once and for all. You, Severa, Morgan can finally have a good life, you can shape a world that I will have ensured that is safe. I don't want you to live in fear anymore. I don't want any other future Severa or Morgan to lose their parents, or their beloved ones. He started crying. "I … I love you too much… Sorry, but I hope one day you will understand." "Nooo! What are you doing! You fool. Stop!" Severa shouted. "Dad … I know I wasn't the most loveable daughter … I only want us to be a family once and for all. Please … you promised me that you'll stay with me!" She stayed close to her mother. Her legs were shaking, she couldn't bare the stress of losing her father once again. "I'm sorry if I hurt you with my manners, I'll change!" She shouted out of desperation. "Father! No… You mean everything to me… Don't do it. Chrom Hurry!" Morgan shouted. Chrom, though, stood still, listening to them. His family was crying. They begged him to stay. He broke his silence once again, with tears running down his cheeks : " I am sorry everyone. Don't worry, I will always be close to you. You see … we are all connected with the bonds we forged together! I will forever be close to you as long as I live in your heart. This is the most mystical and powerful spell of all, love. I hope I will return. Cordelia, my children, Chrom… Everyone… It was an honour to meet you, thank you for everything, I just hope you understand. Farewell…" His hand became a powerful source of light. He then listened to his family's and friends' voice for one last time. He pointed his hand to Grima. "As long as my bonds with my beloved ones are strong, you will never corrupt me… This is a checkmate Grima!". A white beam, coming from his hand, hit Grima. The light was so strong that no one could see what was happening. When they could finally see, they stood in the ground, David, though, was nowhere to be found. What remained was the dragon's bones. Everyone mourned David's apparent death. Chrom, when he stopped, was the first to speak. "Don't cry everyone! David was right! He is and will always be in our hearts! And… And…" he became excited at this point. 'As Naga said, David might be somewhere out there. Our bonds must be strong enough to keep him alive. I will find him, even if it takes the rest of my life, I will find you David! Do you hear me? I will create a better world. A world which you gave us." He wasn't afraid for his friend's luck anymore. He was sure that David was alive and he was determined to find him. It was Cordelia's turn to speak. "Chrom is right! We will find you David. I will find you my love." Cordelia's and Chrom's words brought hope into each of the Shepherds' heart. Everyone was sure that David was lying somewhere, hoping to be found. "David! Do you hear me! You better stay alive! " Sully said. Each part of the team swore to find David. Everyone had hope except Severa. She was shocked, again. Something changed inside her that night. She decided that she should change and become a better person. A person that her father would want her to be. Her heart seemed that would never be cured from this incident. Inside her she was feeling the pain. The pain that she felt when her parents died in the first time. This time it was different, though. She didn't blame herself, she didn't want to blame anyone. She wanted to abandon her old self. She didn't want any more pain and that meant to change. Morgan, on the other hand, never stopped believing that her father survived. It was Chrom's words that gave her strength and hope. Was her bonds with her father strong enough? She was sure that this was the case. ____________________________________________________________________________________ One year later... ____________________________________________________________________________________ Chrom approached a wonderful house, built alongside nature. It had a large beautiful garden filled with trees, bushes and flowers. It was certain that someone had devoted themselves to it. Chrom stopped walking and remained still. He took a deep breath. "Aaah… There is nothing better than life at nature. The fresh air is all I need," he thought. Living in a castle was surely a rough thing for Chrom, as he rarely went out. He had become really responsible and worked hard. He was Ylisse's Halidom exalt after all and he had done a great job restoring peace and uniting all the kingdoms. Finally, he knocked the door. "Good morning Crodelia!" he said. "How are you? Morgan is coming as well in a few minutes. May I come in?" he continued. "Of course my lo- ehm, Of course Chrom! Its been a while since you've visited me. Has Morgan been any helpful?" She asked. "Haha. Well its always a pleasure to visit the leader of our Pegasus Knights Squadron. Indeed, Morgan has proved to be quite the tactician. With her help, we've finally brought peace to our country. She helped with the "Treaty of Ylisstol" and with her genuis thinking we have eliminated at least 90% of the bandits that once burned villages and destroyed the homes of thousands, including the infamous "Twins". He talked with passion for Cordelia's daughter. "She is undeniably David's kid". Cordelia shed a tear. "He would have been proud," she said. "Get inside! Severa has already come and waited for you. She had something to ask you," she said. Chrom definitely felt guilty at this point. He had tried finding David with no luck. He was convinced that he was gone. He had to stop searching though, as it had been an expensive task (buying equipment, feeding the paladin's horses, etc.), but he always missed his old friend. He got into the house. Cordelia had done a great work with the place. Everything was in order. The chairs, the paintings, the vases, everything. She was a perfectionist after all. Chrom took a seat. "Food will be ready in any minute". Cordelia said. "How's Sumia and the kids?" "They are quite fine thank you! Lucina is getting better at her sword technique and I believe she is ready to become the head general of our army. Cynthia… Well… Cynthia is as always cheerful, clumsy, but exceptional with a lance. She had a great teacher after all…" Cordelia smiled. She heard footsteps. It was Severa. "Hey … Chrom". She was speaking with an aggressive tone. "Why? You had vowed to find him. Don't you remember that?" "Of course and I remember. Severa I had to. You were right, our bonds weren't as strong as I thought. But he will alw-" "Nonsense! I was wrong. I want to be wrong. You were his friend. Find him! I can't take it anymore, Chrom. Life's became a pain." She was crying. Her tears broke Chrom's heart. "Honey! Its alright…" Cordelia gave her a hug. Severa put her head on Cordelias shoulder. She was unable to control her emotions. "Don't worry. I haven't lost my faith." She said. "We haven't searched Valm yet. Sorry Chrom. She hasn't got over it yet. Honey, sit down. You know it's unfair talking to Chrom like this. He is our king and our friend. You know he tried his best". Severa nodded her head. "I am sorry Chrom. It's just hard for me… Its like the old days." "Hey! It is hard for everyone. I live everyday with the burden that I could have saved him. I know. But you know as well how much your exceptional sword skills are needed by the Shepherds," he said. He tried changing subject, because he always felt uncomfortable talking about David. His order, to stop searching for him was hard for everyone. "But I thought the war was over," she seemed confused. "Yes it is. But we must always be prepared for anything that might occur. Should I send Cynthia to come and pick you tomorrow for training?" He needed Severa's talent. She could easily beat anyone, but Chrom or Lucina with her sword. She always believed that falchion was the reason of their win. The Shepherds hadn't change. They only became more experienced and famous across the land, as they were the king's best crew. A crew that slew the fell dragon. A crew that united Ylisse. Severa had always being rejecting his proposal, because she spent most of her time searching the lands for her father. This time though she felt that it was time to reunite with her friends and fight, if needed, alongside them. "Thanks Chrom. I believe its time for me to say yes. With one condition, though. Promise me that you will continue searching. Promise me!" "Okay. I will. So I'll tell Cynthia to come here at the dawn. Thank you Severa. Your sister needed you. As a matter of fact, where is Mo-" he stopped talking as he heard a loud sound. "Craaaack!" Something definitely broke. They went to see what happened. They got out of the house, only to find Morgan laying down next to the broken, of course, white fence. Immediately, they helped her get up. "Damn it Morgan!" Severa shouted. "It took me a while to make that fence. Now I got to-" Morgan interrupted her. "Mum, Chrom, Sister! He's back!" She was ecstatic. Her face was shining brightly. It was the happiest day of her life. Anyone could tell. And she had quite a smile. The red haired tactician continued. "I've found him Mum! After a year of searching. Dad is alive!". Everyone was shocked by the news. "Could it be?" Cordelia asked. Severa, on the other, started again crying, not from sadness but from joy, this time. An emotion she had long to feel. Chrom was chuffed to bits as well. "Where is he?" he asked nervously. "Ta - da !" Morgan said cheerfully. A man approached them. He had brown hair, seemed muscular and (of course) wore a black and golden robe. He was speechless. He finally saw his family again. Cordelia rushed at him. "Dave… I thought I wouldn't see you again. I never ever lost hope for you. My love". She put her lips on his. She kissed him with passion. He missed her kiss and her scent. "Cherries". When she stopped Severa came close. "You …" She slapped him in the face and hugged him. "How could you do this to me. Do you know how much I cried. Dad, why did you break your promise? You promised to be with me! Never do this again!". He kissed her at her cheek. Chrom told him: "David. Its so good to see you back! But, I must tell you that I did it! I finally made your dream true! Peace has been restored once and for all! Man how much I missed you". Chrom gave him a hug as well. "We have a lot more to tell." he said. It was David's turn to speak. "I… I… am sorry everyone. You have been through a lot because of me. But I had to. I had to. Forgive me". "Consider it done!" Cordelia said. "Come we have a lot to discuss about". "Cherry, everyone, there is something more… Please forgive me once more, because after what happened, I was away this whole year on purpose." He lowered his head. He stopped smiling. "What?" Everyone said at the same time. "Why would you do such thing?" Cordelia asked with surprise. ____________________________________________________________________________________ A/N: Hello everyone! I am J.D. King a huge fan of Fire Emblem : Awakening (or FE:A). I have read a lot of great stories from other authors and I believe its time for me to tell my own story about Chrom, Avatar and the rest. Keep in mind that this is the first time I am doing such thing (I am a bit inexperienced) and I might not update constantly (busy life). In this small pilot chapter I wanted to relate how Avatar/David met and fell in love with Cordelia and start my story smoothly with their reunion. I aim to become a better author. An author that will provide you with quality stories. Someone who will one day create an "Epos" and through it people can smile and be excited or inspired. So what you thought about the "Prologue"? That's what reviews are for. I accept both bad and good. Please refer if you are reviewing a specific chapter or the story as a whole. I use them to see what you like and don't, so I can improve myself. Next chapter will be uploaded fast. No copyright intended. Please don't mind any grammatical errors. Until next time, Cya! ;) J.D. King

Tales from the HHH Bar: Volume 1 Angsty God I stepped through the cold night air, wondering what was going on in the bar I saw before me. Next to me, my kitten sat shivering, begging me to pick it up and warm its freezing paws. I gulped as I stepped inside. The moment I stepped in, it was almost as if the room exploded. "A new person!" A waitress cried, dropping the mugs she held to run over and clasp my hands. "I'm 58% psychotic who are you?" I looked at her blankly. She wouldn't believe me. A small, approximately twelve year old boy, God? Moreover, even if she did believe that, she wouldn't believe the story I had to tell of why I was wandering the mortal world. "Looks like Kim has a new member of her reverse harem." A blue haired boy jested. "That's all this pub is." "Don't ship me with Kin!" A redhead retorted. "Comet! Stop saying that!" I giggled at their antics. A tall dark haired boy with an eyepatch looked over at myself and Kim. "Pardon me for saying this, but... why is a child here?" I came to my senses. Jolting my hand from Kim's, I ran out of there. A pub wasn't where I belonged. I belonged nowhere. Gods in a world that destroyed its own heaven... belong nowhere. I will never socialize with them. Soledai asked for angst... So I thought of this. The pub is, obviously, a "Physical" HHH thread. Hope you all enjoyed that... random thing. All future volumes will be visualizing random HHH pages in a bar. [spoiler=Contents]Volume 2- 999. Volume 3- 743. Volume 4- 420. Volume 5- 3231. Volume 6- 2824.

Because Donkey is way better than Shrek. His awesome is over 9000.