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Ooh! I just read Mongrel!

Yay I was right! It was Naesala and Leanne =D

I hate it when I always forget to read a story for a while =/ But I read it!!! =)

Edited by Freohr Datia
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Hahaha, I liked the part where Fireman was like "I smell smoke, Fox must've burned something". That was a great new episode (both of them since I didn't comment on the other one)

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I just began reading the story, and I noticed one problem: you shift between the past and present tense. I saw this problem mainly in Lyle's first post. It seemed to disappear later, but I just wanted to let you know.

Chase stared wide eyed at the group in front of them. “You aren’t alone Amy....” Shocked by the fact that he’s in the presence of such high standing people, he regains some hope of rescue. “Any clue why we were kidnaped?”

It should have been either:

Chase stared wide eyed at the group in front of them... Shocked by the fact that he was in the presence of such high standing people, he regained some hope of rescue.

or

Chase stares wide eyed at the group in front of them... Shocked by the fact that he's in the presence of such high standing people, he regains some hope of rescue.

Assuming you want to match your later style, I would use the first. But this isn't the only instance, reread Lyle's first post and you'll see conflicting tenses quite often. Besides that, it seems very interesting. I'll read more soon.

Edited by Ragnell
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I wish I had started to read this earlier! It's great and I love it!!! I'm not done yet, but I'll catch up soon!

EDIT: Well, now I'm done! Didn't want to double post. I think that... magical procedure... seems like a very good plot. I look forward to the next part!

Edited by xanatha
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