Florete Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 Epic triple post. Chapter 3 is up. You may notice it ends on a somewhat blank note. This is because I had planned to include another section in this chapter but realized it would take too long, so I decided to wait for the next chapter since I want to keep all my chapters relatively the same size. Once again, constructive criticism is welcomed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gatrie: Guns Blazing Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 (edited) to be honost, its a relief for it not being a "midieval" theme story. 'cause there's alot Edited January 15, 2009 by Big Jake McLintock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufasa Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well, I read it. I don't really have any comments on it other than "it's good" or something along those lines, but I figured you'd like to know if I was reading it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Judy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 (edited) to be honost, its a relief for it not being a "midieval" theme story. 'cause there's alot Agreed. This story I find it a joy to read. Yet again, can't wait to read the next part. Edited January 16, 2009 by Judge Judy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well, I read it. I don't really have any comments on it other than "it's good" or something along those lines, but I figured you'd like to know if I was reading it. Thank you for posting. I can't know if people are reading it if they don't say anything, so thanks. Agreed. This story I find a enjoy to read.Yet again, can't wait to read the next part. Thanks. ^_^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufasa Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Thank you for posting. I can't know if people are reading it if they don't say anything, so thanks. As a fellow writer, I understand your plight. So I'll be sure to comment every time I read a chapter. Sometimes twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Just so you know, I'm always reading it, and it's great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 Its a good story thats realistic, which normally I don't like, but yours seems more believable than most realistic stories, besides biographies, etc. Which is a complement, by the way. Keep up the good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted January 28, 2009 Author Share Posted January 28, 2009 Chapter 4 is finally up. Blame my retarded computer for the delay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 ooh, very mysterious! good chapter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLSothe Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I read it so far. No real criticism that I can be bothered to type at the moment (sorry) but I just thought I'd post. It's a good story. I would have posted earlier, but I've been busy. :\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I've just read Ch3 and Ch4, it looks very good alltogether. Just trying to get my head round who (or what?) Sierra may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 (edited) I've just read Ch3 and Ch4, it looks very good alltogether. Just trying to get my head round who (or what?) Sierra may be. If you're confused, then my plan is working faster than I expected it to. Also, I found out something interesting recently. My sister just broke up with her boyfriend (she's doing fine), Scott (coincidence. I didn't name my character after him). The day after, Scott got a call from his high school sweetheart, Sierra, who I never even knew existed. It kinda creeped me out. And Raven, your sig. I didn't realize you'd seen that... Edited February 1, 2009 by Red Fox of Fire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 (edited) If you're confused, then my plan is working faster than I expected it to.Also, I found out something interesting recently. My sister just broke up with her boyfriend (she's doing fine), Scott (coincidence. I didn't name my character after him). The day after, Scott got a call from his high school sweetheart, Sierra, who I never even knew existed. It kinda creeped me out. And Raven, your sig. I didn't realize you'd seen that... Haha, I didn't - not at the time you had written it anyway. I saw it when I woke up and the chat was all dead. Edited February 1, 2009 by Raven Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufasa Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 It took me a little while, but I managed to read the newest chapter. Once again, I don't really have much to say, but it is a little weird how he managed to guess her exact name. I suppose it's plausable, but with a name like Sierra, it's a little far-fetched to guess it that quickly and accuratley. Though it's only a minor detail. Keep it up. ^_^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Lyle, the point is that she already knows who Sierra is. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufasa Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Lyle, the point is that she already knows who Sierra is. ;) Ah. So it's not that this mystic lady knew her before her amnesia. She's just some mystic psychic lady? I can live with that. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Ah. So it's not that this mystic lady knew her before her amnesia. She's just some mystic psychic lady? I can live with that. Lol. This mystic lady knew her before her amnesia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Yay, chapter 5 is up! The plot is coming! I feel like I forgot something important in this chapter. If I remember it, I'll be sure to let everyone know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 (edited) Yay, chapter 5 is up! The plot is coming!I feel like I forgot something important in this chapter. If I remember it, I'll be sure to let everyone know. You forgot the hot fudge sauce ;) Really though, I don't see anything missing. Seems great to me. Mysterious story you have there. Edited March 6, 2009 by Reinfleche Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kedyns Crow Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 This was very enjoyable to read. As a writer, you are able to grab the readers attention and hold it throughout your narrative, which is something that not many people are able to do. I also noticed that your writing gradually becomes better as each chapter progressed, maybe due to the fact that you are getting more comfortable with the characters and their motives. The only thing that I can think of that can really be worked on is trying to avoid passive voice. Other than that, keep up the good work. You've got me hooked on the story and I'm very eager to find out what happens next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 I haven't written this since like March and yet I'm still getting people telling me they've read and liked it...Guess I'll have to boot it up again, won't I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kedyns Crow Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 I haven't written this since like March and yet I'm still getting people telling me they've read and liked it...Guess I'll have to boot it up again, won't I? Absolutely. I'm kind of hooked, and I want to know who the hell Sierra is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 It's been quite a long time, but I do have a few more chapters of this and will be continuing to write. Would anyone be reading it if I post it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I'd probably read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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