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mr_e_s

100 Boopers in 24 hours

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1-10: Boopers, no gimmick

11-15: Long boopers

16-20: Ass of Radiance

21-30: Musical parodies

31-40: Same scene, different punchline

41-50: A story, in 10 parts

51-60: Monologues

61-70: Cross-overs

71-80: Director-style boopers

81-90: Three line boopers

91-100: Boopers by request.

#1:

Edward: Die, Begnion scum!

Jarod: Wait!

Edward: Buh?

Jarod: Before you kill me, there's something you should know.

Edward: Hey, I know my father, he lives in Daein, and I visit him every year, and he tells me what a failure I am and throws vodka bottles at me.

Jarod: What? Why would you think I was going to tell you I was your father?

Edward: I dunno, seemed like something to say in the situation. Well, then what did you want to tell me?

Jarod: Well, I stabbed you while you were going on about your father, so it's not really important, forget about it.

Edward: Okay, sure thing...*dies*

Jarod: How have we been losing to these guys?

#2

Giffca: So, you turn into a raven?

Vika: Uh huh. Yourself?

Giffca: I become a lion. A mighty envoy of the king of beasts, proud member of the-

Vika: I don't really care, I was just trying to be polite, you kind of creep me out.

Giffca: ...

*later*

Tormod: VIIIIKAAAA! VIIIIKAAA!

Muarim: Master Giffca, have you seen our Raven friend?

Giffca; Of course not, I'd have told you if I had.

Muarim: You still have some feathers is your mouth, is all.

#3

Nolan: *chomp* I love vealshanks more than 72% of other shanks!

Ilyana: Soo... hungry.

Nolan: Nuh uh! Not today you purple haired she-devil! Not on veal shank day!

Ilyana: I'll do ANYTHING!

Nolan: Anything?

*later*

Boyd: And she sung the entire score to the HMS Pinnafore?

Nolna: Yeah, but I still didn't feed her.

*high five*

#4

Nailah: Ike, may I have a word?

Ike: Of course, what did you need?

Nailah: Volug feels like you've been avoiding him, and since he couldn't ask you why himself, I took on the task.

Ike: Oh, well...yeah. I may have been avoiding him.

Nailah: Why?

Ike: Well, I know it's normal for you people, but I don't appreciate it when he puts his face right up in my business and sniffs my crotch.

Nailah: Oh...I'll tellhim you don't like that, and I'm sure he'll stop.

Ike: Thank you.

Nailah: Ike?

Ike: Yes?

Nailah: Should I stop as well?

Ike: No, I think we're good if you keep doing it.

#5

Rolf: No, Ranulf. Go away. Oscar told me to stop talking with you. He says you're a bad influence.

Ranulf: But Rolf, after all these years...I'm just trying to help.

Rolf: You always get me beaten up, Ranulf!

Ranulf: That's just because things work differently for laguz and humans. I've been studying human mating,a nd I've figured out exactly how you can win Mist's or any young woman's heart!

Rolf: Well... I don't know...

Ranulf: Rolf, you have to trust me.

*later*

Boyd: Why is my brother juggling knives in front of Mist's tent?

Ranulf: Humans like juggling.

Boyd: Uh huh, and why is he singing the Daein national anthem.

Ranulf: Because it's romantic.

Boyd; And why is he naked?

Ranulf: Because it's funnier, duh.

#6

Lyre: Ow!

Boyd: Oh sorry, I didn't mean to do that.

Lyre: You don't go around stepping on lady's tails, oaf!

Boyd: Hey, calling me an oaf is no way to walk out of this mess with your tail still in tact!

Lyre: I have every right to be angry, buffoon! I'll claw your eyes out!

*2 minutes later*

Oscar: Yeah, I'm just grabbing some seasoning salt! *opens the door* OHGODWHATAREYOUDOINGINMYPANTRY!

*2 minutes later, again*

Ike: So they were-

Oscar:Yeah.

Ike: And she was in her cat form?

Oscar: Yep.

Ike: Huh.

#7

Lethe: Ike, I have to talk to you about your sister.

Ike: What about her? Is she okay?

Lethe: For now, but I can't guarantee her safety is she tries to put another ****ing bonnet on me, or screams out "KITTY!" whenever she sees me. And she’s always trying to pet us, which is considered.. inappropriate for us.

Ike: Oh...I'll tell her to leave the cats alone.

Lethe: Just me and Lyre, Ranulf said he didn't mind.

Ike: What? Oh he is so dead!

#8

Giffca: Ranulf, a word.

Ranulf: Sure thing, Master Giffca, what's up?

Giffca: I was looking for some advice, of a womanly nature.

Ranulf: Really? Whose the lucky feline?

Giffca: Actually, it's a beorc.

Ranulf: What? Really? Which one?

That white haired swordsmistress, she mves with such grace and finesse, it gives me emotions. But I've not the nerve to talk to her?

Ranulf: Zihark? But Zi's a.. you know what, I know her pretty well. I'll set you two up on a blind date tonight.

Giffca: Really? I owe you many thanks, my little blue friend!

Raulf: Don't mention it!

*Giffca leaves and Volke pops out of the shadows*

Volke: You're aware he's going to kill you, right?

Ranulf. but it's so worth it.

#9

Elincia: I'm glad you accepted this position on my royal guard, Gatrie. I know it must have been hard to leave the mercenaries.

Gatrie: Uh huh...

Elincia: Your daily duties will involve supervising the knights with Geoffrey, making the rouns twice a day and making sure that all the men are working their best.

Gatrie: Uh huh.

Elincia: Otherwise, your post will be here, right were you requested.

Gatrie: Uh huh.

Elincia: I sitll don't know why you chose this spot, we could have given you an office. Oh well, I'm off.

Gatrie; Uh huh.

Bastian: You know, you have a good view inside the windows to Elincia's bedroom, Lucia's quarters, and the female showerhouse from here.

Gatrie; Uh huh!

#10

Ike: All right, you both specialize in thunder magic, and we only have room for one thunder sage, sort it out.

Calil: I'm not losing this steady paycheck so I can go back and live with one-arm and orphan girl!

Ilyana: I need this job to eat.

Calil: Battle to the death?

Ilyana: I guess.

*later*

Titania: So they're both dead?

Ike: They were standing in a lake. At one point, it's just natural selection.

#11

Ike: Okay, so our armies are now one.

Micaiah: Seems that way.

Ike: Okay, I need to decide what units of yours are going to get assimilated into our team, and which will ride the bence. You make the grade automaticly, because you're the leader. Next up, your second in command.

Sothe: That's me. Hey there Ike.

Ike: Yeah, so Sothe is riding the bench.

Sothe: What? I'm a really good fighter!

Ike: Yeah, I remember that whole Blossom fiasco thing, where you didn't even promote at the end. BENCHED! Next up...Edward.

Edward: I'm a sword master! I wave swords around like Bssh, Bssh, Bssh!

Ike: Hmm...*thinks about Mia*

Mia: I'm a sword master! I wave swords around like Bssh, Bssh, Bssh! And I have boobs!

Ike: Nah, we're going to stick with Mia, BENCHED! Next up, Leonardo.

Leonardo: Hi!

Ike: Oh...

Leonardo: What?

Ike: Nothing...I just thought...nevermind.

Leonardo: No, really, what?

Ike: Well, I was kind of hoping for the ninja Turtle, honestly.

Leonardo: I...what?

Ike: Nevermind. BENCHED! Okay, next up, Nolan.

Nolan: My facial hair commands you to let me in!

Ike: That meme is long dead, BENCHED! Laura?

Laura: Ummm, I'm a healer, and we'ree kind of rare...

Ike: Except for my two healers and assload of Sages with staves. Besides, you look really boring. BENCHED! Aran?

Aran: Yo.

Ike: What do you have to offer?

Aran: Defense.

Ike: And?

Aran: Uhh...macramé?

Ike: BENCHED! Meg?

Meg: Hi!

Ike: Oh, you're Brom's daughter right?

Meg: Oh, did my dad mention me?

Ike: No, I could just tell. There's a certain...family resemblance. Can you fight?

Meg: Well, I'm learning the sword, but I'm not all that fast or strong.

Ike: Adorable. BENCHED! Tauroneo?

Tauroneo: Ike! It's been a long time! I'm so hap-why are you pointing at that bench? Oh...

Ike: Fiona?

Fiona: You know what. I'll just go sit down right now and save you the trouble.

Ike: Hey thanks. Micaiah?

Micaiah: What is it?

Ike: You know what, I have no use for your team at all, how about you just get them all together, and you guys can get a group discount somewhere the Hell away from my army.

Micaiah: We're backed by the Daein treasury.

Ike: Great news, you're all in!

#12

Ike: Ah ha! Thanks for inviting us all over to the pub, Calil!

Calil: Don't worry about it! Everything is on the house, of course.

Titania: Well, we had better get going.

Soren: Yes, it wouldn't be prudent for the entire Greil Mercenary group to show up fighting bandits tommorrow with a hangover. Boyd barely survives as it is.

Boyd: Hey, at least I don't hide in the back chanting words because I'm too afraid to get physical with my enemy!

Calil: Boys! Calm down. Before you go, I think Largo has a story for you.

Largo: Listen up ladies and women! This is the story about how I, Largo, the manliest man alive, lost my arm.

Boyd: I thought you bet it away in a game of cards.

Largo: That's just what I tell people, because to tell the true story, the atmosphere has to be just right, like tonight! It all started, as all good stories do, with an arm wrestling competition! I was up against Killian the arm-tearer!

Mist: He tore your arm off?

Largo: Pfft, that wuss? Naw! We gave him that name to bug him, because he was such a weakling.

Rolf: Was? Is he dead?

Largo: Stop ruining my story! So anyway, I beat him really badly, so badly in fact...THAT HE DIED! Well, as it turns out, Killian had family ties to the Crimean Mafia, and they swore they would take the arm I killed him with. I just laughed in their faces at the time.

Rolf: I guess they got the last laugh, huh?

Largo: What are you talking about, I beat them all up with one arm pinned behind my back, and the other one pinning down three tigers. That's why the mob left town, by the way.

Rhys: I thought Makalov set the royal guard on them when they tried to collect on his tab.

Titania: I'd heard that as well.

Largo: Well, that ain't what happened! Look, just listen! So, after I beat up the mob, I decided it was time for a little getaway adventure, as I hadn't taken one in weeks.

Oscar: Oh, I heard about this lovely little bed and Breakfast up in the mountain range that has the most amazing low incline hiking trails.

*everyone stares*

Oscar:...Go on.

Largo: So I went down to Buzz saw rapids.

Ike: The river with the magic randomly flying around buzz saws?

Largo, the very same.

Shinon: *whispering to Gatrie* Boy, I wonder how he lost his arm.

Gatrie: Me too! I'm on the edge of my seat!

Shinon: *facepalm*

Largo: So I make it to the bottom, with only a couple of cuts, then I run into this swordmaster! He had long flowing white robes, and he rode up to me on a horse.

Mia: WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? WHERE IS HE?

Largo: Well, he asked me for directions to the frigid Northlands, said he was looking for some rival, supposed to be wearing red, with long purple hair and a large pair of...Killing Edges.

Mia: I have tons of Killing Edges! *runs out*

Ike: Well, she's going to freeze to death.

Gatrie: Damnit, I was like this close to her letting me sniff her dirty clothes.

Ike: Largo, is this story going anywhere?

Largo: Not really, Calil just told me to keep you busy while she stole all your stuff and pawned it.

Ike: Son of a b-

#13

Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn: All you need to know *spoilers*

Micaiah: Oh my god, Begnion took over Daein! Let's fight them.

Sothe: Rocking, my old friend from before the last war.

Edward: Hey guys. It's me, the childfully innocent swordsman who is morally ambiguous enough to kill without questioning! Let's fight things, and start fires!

Nolan: Let's go into battle, my tasty looking teenage friends! We'll conquer Begnion and get that legal age of consent lowered!

Jarod: Oh no, this small group has some vague goal to rid us of our empire, and they're doing trivial things like fighting bandits! Better give them reasonf for vengeance!

Niko: Hi, I'll have no importance later on in the story, other than to set you on your path. Ain't I adorable?

Nailah: Cool, we'll fight with you, though we really don't have much of a reason.

Tormod: Yo, us too.

BK: Hey, I'm here, most of you can sit back and be useless now, I'll take care of the rest.

Pelleas : Yo, Izuka disappeared, oh well, no foreboding at all, everything is good forever!

Part 2

Heather: I'm probably into women, maybe.

Elincia:: We won

Part 3:

Ike: Let's kick some ass.

Soren: Okay, let's kick some ass.

Titania: I'm kicking some ass.

Boyd: Consider that ass kicked.

Shinon: It's not even really a challenge.

Rolf: I'm an archer and I kick ass.

Rhys: Even I kick ass.

Mist: Guys?

Mia: ASSKICKING! Also, I hit puberty, and look a lot like if Lucia didn`t go insane and cut her hair.

Lethe: We still suck.

Mordecai: Yep.

Lyre: Me too!

Oliver: I`m back, and I`m playable! Time for some fanservice!

Micaiah: We`re back, and fighting Ike!

3-12 Archer: FOR THE GLORY OF DAEIN!

Ike: lawlpwn.

Micaiah: We had this blood pact, and we`re fighting or people die through magic blood contract!

Ike: That`s dumb, I hate you.

Ashera: Rawr!

*Everyone turns to stone but the heroes, the villains, and that tlittle girl*

Amy: Yay!

Soren: also the shopkeepers, which is wierd.

Aimee: Still alive, still hitting on Ike. Cougar power!

Part 4

Ike: So, splitting up?

Micaiah: Better chance of succeeding?

Ike: Only way to really use most of our characters, we have an assload.

Elincia: We all joined up!

Yune: Climb the tower!

Ike: Black Knight???

Zelgius: IT WAS ME!

Ike: Yeah, that's pretty obvious.

Ike: DRAGONS!

Deghinsea: You couldn't live in peace, and all we want is order, so let's fight to the death!

Ike: SEPHIRAN?

Sephiran: Yo, this was all my doing, now fight some wierd spirit-y things!

Ike: ASHERA?

Ashera: Ican't be hur-those were blessed, huh?

Ike: Yeah.

Ashera: Well, I'll try again in a few generations.

Ike: We saved the day.

Micaiah: We sure did, and I learned th-

Ike: Noone cares.

#14 (broken up for length)

Ike's MSN experience

*window pops up*

Her royal cuteness says:

Ike! Hi!

Ike says:

Oh, hey there Elincia.

Her royal cuteness says:

I bought some new swimsuits, wanna come over and I'll model them for you?

Ike says:

Well, I'd love to, but....I have work to do tody.

Her royal cuteness says:

Oh, what about tommorrow?

Ike says:

You know, I work then too, in fact, I have to go.

*closes window and blocks*

*window pops up*

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

Hey buddy, busy?

Ike says:

Nah, but if Elincia asks, I'm booked up to the teeth.

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

Elincia has MSN? She told me she didn't...

Ike says:

Don't worry about it, you're lucky.

*another window pops up*

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

Hey Bro, group convo, you in?

Ike says:

Not rea

*another window pops up*

SWOIRDS! says:

So I'm not allowed in the town bar ever again, oh, and I have to wear these wierd bra things now.

Hey internet ladies! Wanna try out my shaft? Says:

Hey Ike! You missed the best story!

Don't talk to me, I'm worse off for having known any of you says:

What's he doing here?

Ike says:

Uhh, hi guys. Is Boyd here?

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

Pfffftftftftftftftftf no, he isn't.

You have invited Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome to this convo.

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

I don't want that idiot, Boyd in this convo.

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

Hey Boyd!

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

Mist, when did you get MSN?

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

Well...

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

Shinon, Gatrie, Mia? You guys all told me you didn't have it either!

SWOIRDS! says:

Yeah, well...

Hey internet ladies! Wanna try out my shaft? Says:

We just got it today!

Don't talk to me, I'm worse off for having known any of you says:

I just don't like you, same reason I blocked Ike.

Ike says:

On a different note, Mia, you screwed up your name.

SWOIRDS! says:

Oh!

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

olawl

SWIRDS! says:

There!

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

...

Don't talk to me, I'm worse off for having known any of you says:

You're an ignoramous, you know that?

SWIRDS! says:

I though I was a Pisces...

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

rofl!

Ike says:

Hey guys, just do me one favour.

Her royal cuteness has been added to the conversation

Ike says:

Don't invite Elincia, she's been driving me crazy, inviting me over, she just doesn't get that I'm not into her.

Her royal cuteness says:

;_;

Her royal cuteness has left the conversation.

Axes get a bad rap, but they're totally awesome says:

lmao!

...:::!!!Mist!!!:::... says:

Sorry...

Don't talk to me, I'm worse off for having known any of you says:

That made my day.

Hey internet ladies! Wanna try out my shaft? Says:

Elincia's probably very fragile right now...and vulnerable...

Hello Internet ladies! Wanna try out my shaft? has left the conversation

Ike says:

I'm gonna get off now guys, don't worry about it Mist. Later

Don't talk to me, I'm worse off for having known any of you says:

Die in a hole.

*Ike closes the window*

*another window pops up*

Aimee; Single, cute, and willing to try anything, ANYTHING! says

Ike! Hae you evver heard of a French Tickler?

You have blocked this contact, they will always see you as appearing offline.

*Ike closes the window*

*Ike opens a window*

Ike says:

Soren?

My world bleeds forever, an unending red sea of despair and woe (Now listening to: My Chemical Romance) says:

Ike? Is there something you need?

Ike says:

Wanna just leave this all behind and find another continent together, away from everyone?

My world bleeds forever, an unending red sea of despair and woe (Now listening to: My Chemical Romance) says:

Sure, I'll bring a mix CD with me: Tales of a Broken Heart: Volume 27.

Ike says:

You know what, I'll just go alone.

Do you want to shut down computer?

Shutting down.

#15:

Makalov: Geoffrey! You'll never guess what?

Geoffrey: ...You finally stopped gambling away your paychecks?

Makalov: Nope!

Geoffrey: Astrid left you for a far better specimen of man?

Makalov: Not yet!

Geoffrey: That pink hair and stupid look n your face these last years has all been a clever ruse?

Mak: ...No.

Geoffrey: Ninjas have kidnapped the president, only we are bad enough dudes to rescue him?

Mak: Not quite!

Geoffrey: You want to challenge me to a duel to the death because of all the things I've been saying about you to the house maidens, and any other female in earshot?

Mak: No, but now that I know that''s you, it's on my to-do list.

Geoffrey: You've decided to follow your calling in life and become a rodeo clown?

Mak: Nope!

Geoffrey: A man claiming to be a pirate sold you a map to some treasure buried in an island off the coast of Crimea that doesn't actually exist and you want two weeks off, paid, to go and find it, only to realize your horse can't swim, and then borrow a stable horse, never returning it?

Mak: We agreed never to talk about that again!

Geoffrey: Your first pubes came in?

Mak: Nope!

Geoffrey: Astrid left you for a better man?

Mak: You already guessed that.

Geoffrey: Sorry, it just seems likely.

No worries, keep guessing.

Geoffrey: You're convinced you know a way to get everything out of the royal safe, and all you need is a partner?

Mak: Nope.

Geoffrey: You stumbled upon a hole in a wall, and you leaned over to talk in it, with disastruous results.

Mak: Eww! No!

Geoffrey: You realized what a useless shell you are, and how pointless your life is, and your thinking about suicide.

Mak: Well, yeah, but that's not what I'm thinking of right now.

Geoffrey: You're trying to scam me by saying you think Daein is on the uprise, and you need some cash to further your investigation?

Mak: No, but can I borrow a pen?

Geoffey: No. Bastian took you for everything you had again and you're futily looking for a place to "crash" for the night?

Mak: No, I learned my lesson on that one.

Geoffrey: Astrid left you for someone who isn't a complete waste of air?

Mak: Would you stop guessing that?

Geoffrey: I give up.

Mak: Okay, well, I...Damnit, I forgot what it was!

Geoffrey: Well, this has been a pointless exchange.

#16

???: Queen Elincia!

Elincia: Marcia! How are you today? And what are you doing here?

Marcia: Lucia told me about those no-goodnik nobles and their ass-beating

contest, so I thought you could use some cheering up. You weren't in your

chambers or the garden, so I guessed you would be out here.

Elincia: Forgive me. I needed some...time to think. I'm sorry to trouble you.

Marcia: Not at all! After everything you've done for me, it's the least I could

do. It was nice of you to hire me as a Royal Ass, but hiring my

sponge-brained, ass-deprived brother might qualify you for sainthood!

Elincia: Even so, I'm afraid I may also have caused you a great number of

hardships.

Marcia: Huh? Oh! The ass I'm getting from the nobles? It's nothing I can't

handle. If you think your country has stuffed-ass windbags for

aristocracy, you should see Begnion's! When I was a Pegasus knight there,

they had a new ass every week! After that, the Crimean crybabies are

no big deal.

Elincia: No, it's my fault, and I'm sorry. I'm so new at all this, even you are

affected by my blunders. Sometimes, I think... Maybe I just don't have what

it takes to be a queen.

Marcia: That's so not true! Queen Elincia, anyone can strut around in an ass

hat and say she's a ruler, but you always out your ass first! Look, it's

not that you're doing a bad job, it's just everyone's on edge lately, with

Daein getting a new ass and all. People are worried that Daein'll start

another war like the one three years ago, and they're taking it out on you.

Just don't let those peacock-wearing asses bug you, and remember that you

don't have to go it alone. You've got friends everywhere.

Elincia: Thank you, Marcia. Your kind words has lifted my ass.

[Marcia leaves]

Elincia: That's right... I'm not alone. I must be strong, for the sake of our

people. As the protector of our ass!

#17

Tormod: Listen and be amazed! BIG news afoot! The apostle is sending an

inspection team to investigate the occupation army's asses!

Micaiah: Really?

Tormod: She sent me a message that preparations are finally complete. But

wait...it gets better. She also issued an imperial ass to the occupation

forces telling them to cease all military action immediately!

Micaiah: Does that mean the fighting is over? That we've won?

Sothe: Indeed. It's hard to believe it's over. It almost seems too easy.

Tormod: And best of all, Duke Persis is leading the inspection team! We'll be

home free the moment they arrive. Our worries are over.

Sothe: Duke Persis...Lord Sephiran? So Apostle Sanaki's dispatching one of the

empire's greatest asses to handle this.

Micaiah: What kind of ass is he?

Tormod: He is amazing...the best ass ever! He's incredibly influential and

high up, but he never stood on ceremony with us. Well, go on, you guys!

Don't just stand there. You have to spread the ass!

Sothe: We have to spread the ass? Aren't you going with us?

Tormod: Umm...nah. It's mostly your doing. We'll hold back...let you take the

glory.

Micaiah: It's Izuka, isn't it? You don't want to come because he'll be with the

prince.

Tormod: Well, yeah, basically.

Micaiah: All right...but wait here! We'll come right back once we've announced

the good ass.

#18

Sanaki: It is time to get moving. Do we have a target?

Ike: First, we'll head for Flaguerre, the fortress ass between Crimea and

Begnion. Since the Laguz Alliance has fought in Flaguerre already, we're

familiar with the lay of the ass.

Sanaki: Sounds like a good plan. Do you still resent your choice to command

this ass?

Ike: No offense, Apostle, but you didn't give me much of an ass in the first

place. Besides, if I'm not fully committed, how can I expect these troops

to be? Just remember: when this is all over, you'll be getting one heck of

a nass.

Sanaki: Oh, I'm sure, and I know you'll be worth it. Speaking of which, I have

something for you. Consider it a down payment.

Sigrun: I'm sure you remember this ass. It is the holy ass Ragnell. Please

take it.

Ike: Are you sure about this? I returned it after the Mad King's War because

you said it was one of Begnion's national treasures.

Sanaki: Indeed. This ass was used by Empress Altina, the first apostle of

Begnion, back in the early days of the empire. It was one of the two

asses the empress used to fight the dark ass. I can think of no better

person to give it to.

Ike: All right. I'd be happy to use it again. Thanks.

#19

Sanaki: Excuse me.

Naesala: Oh, it's you.

Sanaki: I saw you having an argument with General Skrimir.

Naesala: Oh, that? Yeah. That happens sometimes.

Sanaki: I know you had no choice but to betray the Laguz Alliance. If you wish,

I can speak to him about it.

Naesala: No. Stay out of it. Whatever the circumstances, what I did was

unacceptable. The pieces can fall where they may.

Sanaki: You'd carry the burden of your ass alone to protect your people?

That's very selfless of you.

Naesala: Of course I'd take the ass! My first priority is my people. As long

as they're safe, it doesn't matter one whit what the rest of the world

thinks of me.

Sanaki: You indeed are a good king to your people. I have no doubts of that. I

wonder, will the history say I was a good ass for Begnion?

Naesala: The people of Begnion rose up and overthrew the senate for you. Isn't

that proof enough that you're a good ass?

Sanaki: That's only because they thought that I was the apostle. But now...

Naesala: You're worried over the galdr of release?

Sanaki: Yes. That song... It can only be sung by the direct descendents of

Altina--the first settlers of Begnion. Why was that girl able to sing it?

Moreover, why couldn't I?

Naesala: You know, you could just ask her directly.

Sanaki: I can't work up the courage. It doesn't matter who she is. All I know

is that she possesses all the ass which I lack. I'm... I'm frightened of

the truth.

#20

Boyd: Hey, Ike! That wasn't bad for your first ass. Not as flashy as my

first time, though!

Oscar: Yeah, you were a real standout. I'll never forget the sight of you so

keyed up you broke your own as.

Boyd: Oscar! Dang it! You didn't have to bring that up!

Oscar: Anyway, Ike. Congrats on finishing you first ass. Welcome to the

group.

Titania: Everyone's all right? Then let's get going. I'm sure Mist has a nice,

hot ass waiting for us.

#21 By: Ike

To the tune of House of the rising sun.

There is a house down in Nevassa, they call the rising sun

And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy, oh God, I'm one.

My mother was a traito, she stole this new medallion

My daddy was a Rider, Lord, down in Nevassa.

Now the only thing a Rider needs is a weapon

And the only time when he's satisfied is when he's killing stuff.

He fills his glasses up to the brim and he'll pass the death around

And the only pleasure he gets out of life is destroying town after town

.

Oh tell my baby sister not to do what I have done

But shun that house in Nevassa they call the rising sun.

Well with one foot on the platform and the other foot on my mount

I'm going back to Nevassa to wear that ball and chain.

I'm going back to Nevassa, my race is almost run

I'm going back to end my life down in the rising sun.

There is a house in Nevassa they call the rising sun

And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy, oh God, I'm one

#22

To the tune of Maxwell's Silver Hammer

Ramon was quizzical studied laguz relation at the pol

Late night all alone with a sud-human,

Oh oh, oh oh.

King Ashnard majoring in genocide calls him on the phone,

Can I take you to the pictures Ramon.

But as he’s getting ready to go, a knock come on the door.

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer came down upon his head,

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead.

Back in war again, Ashnard kills thelkagain, Apostle gets annoyed,

Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene,

She tells Ash to stay when the army's has gone away,

So he waits behind,

Writing fifty times I must not be so

But when she turns her back on the king, he creeps up from behind,

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer came down upon her head,

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer made sure that she was dead.

Greil's Mercenaries said, we’ve caught a dirty one,

Ashnard stands alone

Fighting of the son of Gawain oh oh oh oh.

Bryce and Petrine screaming from the gallery say he must go free.

But Ike does not agree and he tells them so oh oh.

But as the words are leaving his lips, a noise comes from behind,

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer came down upon his head,

Bang bang Ashnard’s silver hammer made sure that he was dead.

Silver hammer man.

#23

By Ashera

To the Tune of Still Alive

This was a triumph

I'm making a note here

HUGE SUCCESS

It's hard to overstate my satisfaction

Order has returned!

we do what we must because we can

for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead

but there's no sense crying over every mistake

you just keep on trying until you run out of cake

and the job gets done and you make a neat world

for the people who are still alive

I'm not even angry

I'm being so sincere right now

even though you broke my heart and killed me

and torn into pieces

and threw every piece into a fire

as they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

Now these points of data make a wonderful line

and we're out of beta, we're releasing on time

so I'm glad I got burned

Think of all the things we learned for the people that are still alive

go ahead and leave me

I think I prefer to stay inside

maybe you'll find someone else to help you

maybe Sephiran

that was a joke, haha, fat chance

anyway this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist

look at me still talking, when there's order to enforce

when I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you

I've experiments to run, there is research to be done

on the people who are still alive

and believe me I am still alive

I'm doing science and I'm still alive

I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive

While you are dying I'll be still alive

and when you're dead I'll be still alive

STILL ALIVE, still alive

#24

To the tune of We Will Rock you

Greil (to Ike): Buddy you're a boy make a big noise

Playin' in the fort gonna be a big man some day

You got Boyd on yo' ass

You'll never pass

Into a warrior of my class

Singin'

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

Teh BK (to Ike): Buddy you're a young man hard man

Shouting in the field gonna take on the world today

You got blood on yo' face

You big disgrace

Wavin' your Ragnell all over the place

We will we will rock you

Sing it

We will we will rock you

Ike (to Ashnard): Buddy you're an old man poor man

Pleadin' with your eyes gonna make

You some war some day

You got mud on your face

Big disgrace

Somebody betta put you back into your place

We will we will rock you

Sing it

We will we will rock you

Everybody

We will we will rock you

We will we will rock you

Alright

#25

To the Tune of If I had $1000000

By: Ike (Boyd)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a horse (I would buy you a horse)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you accesories for your horse

(Maybe a nice set of shoes or an saddle)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a wyvern (a nice Reliant flying steed)

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard.

If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.

If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a little tiny Mage in there.

[soren: Wouldn't that be fabulous]

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a laguz (but not a real laguz that's cruel)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a pegasus or a dragon)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you King Ashnard's remains (All them crazy veiny remains)

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store

If I Had $1000000 We'd take a tiger 'cause it costs more

If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Mist's Gruel.

(Oscar: You could hire me!)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you some art (But nothing from Duke Tanas)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!)

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000

I'd be rich.

#26

Sung to the tune of O Canada

O Crimea!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,

O Crimea, we stand on guard for thee.

Ashera keep our land glorious and free!

O Crimea, we stand on guard for thee.

O Crimea, we stand on guard for thee.

#27

To the tune of There's No Home For You Here

There's no home for you here Jarod, go away

There's no home for you here

I'd like to think that all of this constant interaction

Is just the kind to make you drive yourself away

Each simple gesture done by me is counteracted

And leaves me standing here with nothing else to say

Completely baffled by a backward indication

That an inspired word will come across your tongue

Hands moving upward to propel the situation

Have simply halted

And now the battle's done

There's no home for you here Jarod, go away

There's no home for you here

I'm only waiting for the proper time to tell you

That it's impossible to get along with you

It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking

So it helps to have an army in the room

I've not been really looking forward to the performance

But there's my cue and there's a question on your face

Fortunately I have come across an answer

Which is go away

And do not leave a trace

There's no home for you here Jarod, go away

There's no home for you here

Waking up for breakfast

Burning townshipss

Talking quietly

Breaking spirits

Throwing garbage

Drinking brandy

Looking happy

Taking lives

So completely stupid

Just go away

There's no home for you here Jarod, go away

There's no home for you here

#28

To the tune of Free Bird

By Naesala to Tibarn

If I leave here tomorrow,

would you still Look down on me?

For I must be travelling on, now.

'Cause there's too many places I've gotta rob.

But if I stayed here with you, man,

things just couldn't be the same.

'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,

And this bird you cannot change.

And this bird you cannot change.

And this bird you cannot change.

The Goddes knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, baby it's been sweet theft, yeah, yeah.

Though this stealing I can't change.

But please don't take it so badly,

'Cause the Goddess knows I'm to blame.

But if I stayed here with you, manl,

Things just couldn't be the same.

Cause I'm as free as a bird now,

And this bird you cannot change. oh!

And this bird you cannot change.

And this bird you cannot change.

The Goddess knows, I can't change.

Ashera help me, I can't change.

Ashera I can't change

Won't you fly high, free bird yeah?

Just a small town girl

Livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train horse

Goin' anywhere

Just a citymercenary boy

Born and raised in South DetroitCrimea

He took the midnight train horse Boyd

Goin' anywhere

An singer attack in on a smokey room night

A smell of wine and cheap perfume silence showing something's not right

For a smile battle they can share the night win the fight

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard battlefield

Their shadows searching

In the night

Streetlight Noble, people

Livin' just to find emotion redemption

Hidin', somewhere in the night

Workin' hard to get my fill

Everybody wants a thrill

Payin' anything to roll the dice RNG?

Just one more time

Some will win

Some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie[/s[ game never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting

Up and down the boulevard battlefield

Their shadows searching

In the night

Streetlight Noble, people

Livin' just to find emotion redemption

Hidin', somewhere in the night

[Galdr Interlude]

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to the feelin'

StreetlightNoble, people

Don't stop believin'

Hold on

Streetlight Noble, people

#30

To the tune of Closer to the Heart (A little Rush, anyone?)

Ashnard: And the men who hold high places

Must be the ones to start

To mould a new reality

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heart

Bastian: The Blacksmith and the Artist

Reflect it in their art

Forge their creativity

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heart

|Elincia: Philosophers and Ploughmen

Each must know his part

To sow a new mentality

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heart

Soren: You can be the Captain

I will draw the Chart

Sailing into destiny

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heart

Closer to the Heeeaaaaart!

Ike: No, Soren. Just...No.

The scene:

Gatrie: Okay boys, time to man up, how many women have you slept with?

Rolf: None, I'm like thirteen. (under his breath) And Mist won't put out.

Ike: What?

Rolf: Nothing!

Ike: Well, none, myself. For years, the only women I've known have been my younger sister and Titania, whose been like my mom.

Gatrie: Yeah, but since the war?

Ike: Well, I tried, but Lethe almost clawed my arm off.

Gatrie: Hah! Boyd?

Boyd: Nah, haven't found the right woman. (under his breath) And Mist won't put out.

Ike: What?

Boyd: Nothing! How about you, Rhys?

Rhys: I'm a man of the cloth! (under his breath) and Rolf won't put out.

Boyd: What?

Rhys: Nothing!

Gatrie: Well, I totally had sex with this one chick.

Ike: Oh yeah, what was it like?

Gatrie: Well, it was really...kinda...fine! I'm a virgin! Damnit, hasn't anyone here had sex with a girl?

Okay, now the punchlines, I hope I have 10 in my sleeve.

#31:

*complete silence*

Gatrie: Man... We suck.

#32:

Soren: I did. *everyone stares* What? It counts if you pay!

#33:

Oscar: Well, me and Tanith did it about an hour ago on the prep table in the kitchen...

Boyd: What? I made this sandwhich on that table! No wander it tastes so salty....

#34

Mist: I did.

Ike, Boyd, and Rolf: What the ****!

#35:

Titania: You know, I can fix that.

Everyone: Ewww....

#36:

Boyd: I came really close once.

Gatrie: What happened?

Boyd: She woke up.

#37:

*Shinon shows up*

Shinon: I did. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a chick, I was a little...under the weather... It might have been a pillow.

#38:

*Elincia shows up*

Elincia: Ike, I got some new nightgowns and I was wondering if you could come tell me which you like best?

Ike: Not now, we're in the middle of something!

Elincia: Oh...*leaves*

Ike: Sorry about that guys. She can be reall-OHGODWHATHAVEIDONE!

#39:

*complete silence*

Gatrie: Oh well, at least we're not Makalov.

Everyone: Amen!

#40:

Boyd: At least we have each other, right guys? Guys?

*everyone's gone but him and Rhys*

Rhys: Hey, did you want to-

Boyd: Oh God no!

The GM Interviews #1

Soren: Ike, a lot of our new army have applied to be in the Greil Mercenaries after this war.

Ike: Great news, it'll be nice to bolster our ranks!

Soren: There's a problem, we don't really have the space for, nor can we afford to pay, more than one new member.

Ike: Okay, well...What do you suggest.

Soren: Our commander should interview all the applicants and choose the best one.

Ike: That's me, isn't it?

Soren: Yes.

Ike: Well then, as a commander, I'll delegate it to my tactical officer.

Soren: That's me, isn't it?

Ike: Yes.

Soren: ...Well played.

The GM interviews #2

Soren: Okay, state you name for the records.

Edward: It's Edward, but my friends call me Eddie.

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Edward: Because Ike and Mia are really good with their swords and I want to be able to do that wierd mid-air flips thing they can both do!

Soren: Okay, fair enough...Second: What would you say is the most important thing you can bring to the group?

Edward: My sword!

Soren: We already have two swordsmen, three, if you count Mist.

Edward: Oh... My...enthusiasm?

Soren: How quaint. Next Question: What is your greatest weakness or worst quality?

Edward My greatest weakness? Lances. My worst quality, I'm not great against Lances.

Soren: Wow, you have a one track mind, don't you?

Edward is that an interview question?

Soren: No, shut up, you hurt my brain.Fourth question. What is the meaning of life?

Edward: That's stupid, to become the strongest, defeat your enemies, and get cooler swords.

Soren: Of course, how silly of me. Final question: How much would you expect to get paid.

Edward: Enough to keep all my swords polished and ready to fight with.

Soren: How many swords do you have?

Edward: 472.

Soren: Thank you, we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #3

Soren: Please state your name for the record.

Heather: Heather, master thief and breaker of woman's hearts.

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Heather: Mia.

Soren: Ummm....Okay, so uhh, what would you say is the most important thing you can bring to the group?

Heather: Are you kidding? While you're dueling bandits, I could plunder everything not bolted down, and pay for myself. See, with you guys giving a huge distraction in all these towns, I could...*sees the look on Soren's face* make sure everything is safe, keeping those no good bandits away from those folk's precious valuables.

Soren: Nice save. What do you feel is your strongest weakness.

Heather: Either thighs or breasts.

Soren: Your thighs and breats?

Heather: Did I say mine?

Soren: Right... What is the meaning of life?

Heather: Don't get caught, and always get them drunk first.

Soren: Final question, what would you be expecting to get paid.

Heather: Aww, we could work that out after I introduced myself to some of the girls, couldn't we?

Soren: Fair enough, we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #4

Soren: Okay, State your name for the record.

Oliver: Oliver, Duke of Tanas!

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Oliver: Ahh! I seem to have grown fond of this life of adventure and daring that I've been leading since I joined your merry band! I should like to use the remaining time I have left to experience the joys of living the life of a man at arms, doing my best to keep the world beautiful!

Soren: A little wordy, but very nice. Next Question, what do you feel is the most important thing you could offer to the Greil Mercenaries?

Oliver: My beauty. I would lavish it down upon my compatriots in hearty, milky amounts, leaving noone wanting, always being as generous as possible, like a wolfmother, feeding her cubs from her teats!

Soren: ....Right, well, what do you feel is your greatest weakness or worst quality?

Oliver: Ahh, my worst quality may be that I am too loving! Once I found a squirrel injured in the forest, and I nursed it back to health, but after it regained the use of it;s leg, it wanted leave my care for the forest, and I simply qouldn't allow it, so I broke it's other leg, or at least tried to, but it was squirming around so much, and I accidentally broke his neck!

Soren: ...

Oliver: His name was Peanut, I keep him in my pocket, would you like to see?

Soren: No! ...No, that's fine, next question, What is the meaning of life?

Oliver: Well that is simple, to preserve beauty in all it's forms! Unless it squirms around too much.

Soren: Okay, finally, what would you expect to get paid?

Oliver: Oh, a mere pittance, as long as you could match my pay as a Senator, I'd raise not an issue.

Soren: Okay, we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #5

Soren: Okay, please state your name for the record.

Aran: Aran.

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Aran: I need the steady paycheck, I've been living off of the discarded meals of other soldiers.

Soren: Ew... Well, What do you feel is the most important thing you can offer the Griel Mercenaries.

Aran: I'm really good at taking a hit. Also, I dance for nickels.

Soren: Okay, What do you feel is your biggest weakness or worst quality?

Aran: Well. I haven't really develloped a personality for myself yet, so I could turn out to be a real jackass.

Soren: What is the meaning of life?

Aran: Who cares? I'd rather enjoy life than look for a meaning.

Soren: Fair enough, finally, What are you looking to be paid?

Aran: Just enough to get by, I've been wearing the same pair of underwear for the last three years.

Soren: Okay, we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #6

Soren: Please state your name for the record.

Lethe: You know my name.

Soren: State it for the record.

Lethe: Fine, Lethe.

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Lethe: The King wants to restart the exhange program, and I was picked as a volunteer. If I;m to fight for beorc, I'd like it to be for Ike.

Soren: Okay, Well, what do you feel is the most important thing you couldbring to the Greil Mercenaries.

Lethe: My lahuz abilities. I can sense enemies coming from miles away, I can travel great distances in short amounts of time, I can see well in the fog and the night, and I'm an accomplished warrior.

Soren: Right, what would you say is your freatest weakness or worst quality?

Lethe: I am...quixk to anger.

Soren: What is the meaning of life?

Lethe: Why are beorc always so concerned about that? It;s unimportant.

Soren: Right, what would you be expecting for pay?

Lethe: As long as you have food available, I wouldn't require any payment.

Soren: Okay, we'll let you know. (under his breath) Like I'd hire a subhuman..

Lethe: ALSO, I HAVE EXCELLENT HEARING, HUMAN!

The GM Interviews # 7

Soren: State your name for the record, please.

Stefan: Are you quite alright? It looks like you went toe to toe with cat laguz, and came out much the worse for it.

Soren: I'm fine, just state your name!

Stefan: Very Well, I am Stefan, of the Desert tribe.

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Stefan: I was hoping to do some good in the world, instead of hiding from it. Also, they kicked me out of the village for my stash of cat laguz porn. Which I was just holding for Zihark!

Soren: Enough about what you were holding, What do you feel is the most important thing you have to offer the company?

Stefan: Well, besides my years of experience, I suppose it would be my calm demeanour, I never lose my head, but rather, take careful stock of any situation, and act accordingly. Well, sometimes I just flip a coin and go with that, which is actually what led me to this interview.

Soren: Very well. What is your greatest weakness or worst characteristic.

Stefan: Fire. My greatest weakness is fire.

Soren: Fine, what is the meaning of life?

Stefan: To reproduce. Pure and simple.

Soren: Finally, What would you be expected to get paid?

Stefan: This is a paying job? If I'd known that, I would've worn pants to the interview!

Soren: I was gong to ask about that... Well, we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #8

Soren: Please state your name for the record.

Kieran: Crimean Royal Knight Fifth Platoon Captain Kieran!

Soren: Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Kieran: To prove once and for all to that dastardly dastard Oscar that I am his superior! The dastard!

Soren: Indeed, so what do you feel is the most important thing you have to offer the Greil Mercenaries?

Kieran: My might and skill are legendary! In Begnion, they call me the rolling thunder, In Daein I am known as Dath's agent! In Gallia, I am growled about as what I'm sure translates to The bane of all evil! In the bird islands, I imagine I'm referred to as the Red Demon! In the long lost lands of Goldoa, their only news of the outside world is of a auburn haired Crimean knight who they should pray they never meet! Across the desert, in the land of wolves, when they find out about me, surely there will be riots and attempts to move the culture further from Crimea, just to be safe! Why, in the depths of the oc-

Soren: Okay, that'll do, really.

Kieran: But I also juggle!

*Kieran starts juggling axes*

Soren: Really, that's not necessary.

Kieran: But I can pick this one off the ground and add it to the ones I'm juggling, I've been practicing this one!

*2.6 seconds later*

Kieran: I'm really sorry!

Soren: JUST.GET,OUT! Oh, and we'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #9

Soren: State your name for the occupation.

Volke: You seem to be missing a finger.

Soren: JUST STATE YOUR ****ING NAME!

Volke: The fireman.

Soren: ...Whatever. I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Volke: It could be... profitable.

Soren: What do you feel is your greatest strength?

Volke: I'm discrete.

Soren: And your greatest weakness?

Volke: 3'000.

Soren: What?

Volke: If you want to know, 3 000 gold.

Soren: No. Next question, What is the meaning of life.

Volke: 10 000.

Soren: Yeah, right.

Volke: I can guarantee it's the right answer.

Soren: Really? Well... Maybe later. What would you expect to get paid.

Volke: 50 000

Soren: What?? Like a year?

Volke: No, for me to tell you.

Soren: We'll let you know.

The GM Interviews #10

Soren: Please state you name for the...Gatrie?

Gatrie: Yep!

Soren: Gatrie, you're already a member of the mercs.

Gatrie: So, I don't get to answer questions?

Soren: Gatrie, I got clawed to within an inch of my life, I lost a finger, and Volke left me completely broke, but I still have my Tornado tome, now isn't a good time to piss me off.

Gatrie: Pleeeeease?

Soren: ...Okay, I have five questions I'm asking all the applicants, after I've interviewed everyone, I'll make my decision. First: Why do you want to join the Greil Mercenaries?

Gatrie: Is that what this questionnaire is about? That's stupid, I'm out of here.

Soren: We'll let you....gah!

*later*

Ike: So, who did you hire?

Soren: No one, also, I fired Gatrie, after literally setting him on fire.

Ike: Cool, whatever.

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#51

Haar

People ask me why I'm always sleeping. Well, let's look at the facts, in my dreams I can be anything I want, anything from a bank accountant to a rocket man! Never mind the dreams where the two girls are doing the things while I watch, WITH BOTH EYES, behind a glass wall. In real life, I'm a middle aged soldier, with one eye, who takes orders from a teenage girl with severe daddy issues. Let's see, which would I prefer...Yeah, that's not exactly a hard one. Now, if you'll excuse me, the ladies are waiting on me. Zzzz.....

#52

Marcia

Where in the crackers did my brother head off to with my paycheck? I swear, sometimes that meathead just makes me so mad I could bake him into a pie! That cotton candy-headed, marshmellow-brained, candy-coated, with a little chocolate on the side, and a side order of french fries with gravy and cheese on top and some Double Cocolate ice cream for desert, with all the extras on top, overflowing wi-NO! You're not a fat girl anymore, Marcia! Daddy told you no one likes fat girls...Oh God daddy, don't lock me in the closet again!

#53

Devdan/Danved

D____ fights with the strength of ten men! Just ask those ten guys he killed in that back alley because they made fun of D_____'s hair! D______ also fights with the strength of twelve women, like he proved in the YWCA locker room! D_____ Also fights with the strength of at least thirty-two five year olds, likely more, but that was everyone in the kindergarten class.

#54

Geoffrey

I can't believe I agreed to take the late shift again so that Lucia could go to the beauty parlor with Elincia.. I've really got to stop being such a pushover. That's it, tommorrow, I'll make a firm declaration of my feelings for the princess, and if she rejects me, I'll kill one Crimean citizen every hour until she agrees to be my wife! Then not only will I have the woman I love, but I will rule the kingdom with an iron fist, crushing all my oponnents with unprecedented brutality! Then I will re-legalize polygamy and have my own harem of wives! Oh wait, tommorrow is laundry day...

#55

Makalov

Oh man, Astrid is going to wonder where I was, I promised to enjoy a romantic dinner with her tonight. She's proably going to wonder where that money that she lent me went as well... I got it! I'll tell her that I used the money to buy her a present, but all of a sudden, rabid Crows from Kilvas came up to me and told me to give them the...whatever I bought her, or they'd kill me. I managed to get away, but somehow in the scuffle, I lost the....whatever it was. Ah, she'll totally buy that! I am so smooth.

#56

Tanith

Let's see, 250 mL of flour... 3 eggs...It's all right, what's wrong with this cake? I followed directions perfectly, I timed everything to the second, measued everything more exactly than has previously been done in human history! Why? Why must everything I touch turn to failure? What possible explanation could there be for my inability to do this! I was an excellent student at the acadamy! Oh...wait...I think was supposed to leave the eggshells out of the cake...

#57

Volke

...I'm so lonely.

#58

Skrimir

I can't believe I got us caught in those caves, then stuck in Goldoa. That was definitely not my best...series of moments. People must think little of me. Maybe I should learn from this, and become a better person... Wait...I also got us out of Goldoa, with my superior tactical skills, thus saving the entire army! Yeah, I'm a hero! These jerks aren't giving me enough credit!

# 59

Micaiah

Wow, it was certainly a crazy series of events that got me here. Unlikely, improbably, even. Bordering on impossible...Wait, I think....this might all be some sort of simulation! Oh God, I'm not even real! What do I do?

---

How did I do that? What am I doing down here?

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

#60:

Ike

Okay, it's seriously time to weigh my options. I have a princess with a kingdom, that's okay, but she's pretty annoying. I have a loli with a much bigger kingdom, but she's even more annoying, and bossy. \\\\well, there's the cat-lady, but I'm not sure if she's been declawed, also, she scares me. I guess there's purple hair,she has really matured lately, especially in the...yeah. Of course she's always going to want to kill me in a duel... **** it, maybe I'll just take Soren and try again on another continent.

#61

Marcia: Oh cool, you leaned the Triangle attack too?

Florina: Ummm, yes, my sisters and me can do one.

Vanessa: Yeah, that was in the training manual of our pegasus knight squad, I've got it pretty down.

Marcia: Oooh! We should do one together!

Vanessa: If you really want.

Florina: Okay, but first we sh-

Marcia: Let's go!

*after mounting their steeds and getting into position*

Marcia: Okaaaaay, go!

Vanessa: Ahhh!

Marcia: Oof!

Florina: Umm, I was trying to say before, we should really make sure we all knew different parts of the triangle attack, or something like this could happen.

Vanessa: Just...find a healer, please.

Marcia: And get Largo, I'm trapped under this dead Pegasus.

Vanessa: But that's my...oh crap.

Marcia: Look on the bright side, we really trashed that practice dummy!

Vanessa: ...

Florina: Guys, I came back with a healer! Oh! What happened?

Vanessa: My pegasus gave one last kick of life, impaling Marcia

Moulder: No worries, I got it.

Vanessa: Don't worry about it, she said she lived a good life. No regrets, all that.

#62

Gatrie: Hey there beautiful, what sya you and me enjoy a lovely evening together?

Lucius: Excuse me?

Gatrie: I was just hoping to introduce you to my good friend, he goes by the name of KY jelly.

Lucius: Umm, I'm a man.

Gatrie:What!? Oh Ashera, I'm so sorry!

Lucis: It's really all right, I kind of like the attention, and I'm not impartial to KY...

Gatrie: I'm sorry, I'm doing my best not to hurl, but a little is coming up in my mouth anyways.

Lucius: I'll tuck it in.

Gatrie: Well, what are we waiting for?

#63

Ike: Hey Marth, been a while, how's your Smash Brother's role coming along?

Marth: Pretty good, how about you?

Ike: Not too bad, say, we should have dinner one of these days.

Marth: I agree, it's good to catch u-og God.

Ike: What is it?

Marth: Don't look.

Ike: What, why not?

Roy: YOU!

Marth: *sigh* Hi Roy.

Roy: Don't hi Roy me! Not a year ago you were my best friend, we did everything together, now I hear I'm not in Brawl, and you're hanging out with this...hussy!

Ike: Look dude, the gaming public just wanted me in more. If you can't handle that, than ma-

Roy: Ha! You're just the flavour of the month!~ Don't you get it? There'll be someone else to take your place next time, maybe he'll have green hair, maybe he'll be bald, but he won't be you, and this harlotte will be hanging out with this new guy, and treating you like a paraiah! You wait and see!

*Roy stumbles off*

Ike: The nerve of that guy!

Marth: I'd totally do it, though.

#64

Denning: Hello, this is a Message from Lord Nergal, meet me on the dread isle.

Bastian: Oh, is tha tmessage for me?

Denning: Hello, this is a message from Lord Nergal, meet me on the dread isle.

Bastian: Interesting, you don't seem to have your own thoughts, well, let's see if you can't learn a few new tricks...

*later*

Denning: Hello single ladies, consider Bastian, handsome, and relatively disease free. Hello single ladies, consider Bastian, handsome, and relatively disease free. Hello single ladies, consider Bastian, handsome, and relatively disease free. Hello Single la...

#65

Karel: You look pretty crazy, but I killed most of my family, and aim to kill my sister.

Lyon: Well, I have a demon inside of me, and aim to kill everyone, period

Karel: You win

#66

Rutger: Hmm, looks like I finally lost her. I have to enjoy every moment of my freedom, or else I-Aaaagh!

Calil: I'm sorry?

Rutger: Oh, I'm sorry, you just look like, if this girl I know, Clarine, aged thirty years, and applied way too much make-up. Oh, ae you her mother?

Calil: No, but I do wield incredibly powerful thunder magic and can stop your heart before you realize I cast a spell, you were saying?

Rutger: ...Just about what a ravishing beauty you are, and how the stars themselves must be jealous of the radiance you shine from yuor beautiful visage, which must certainly be the source of all poetry!

Calil: ...You may leave.

Rutger: Thank you kind madam.

*a thunder bolt strikes Rutger dead*

Calil: Of course you forgot to mention how my teeth sparkle.

#67

Ike: So, why are we fighting them again?

Rhys: They worship a different god than us.

Ike: Rhys, the god we've been worshipping tried to kill us all.

Rhys: Well... they called us a bunch of jerks?

Ike: What? They're a bunch of jerks! Troops, rollout!

*on the other end of the field*

Eliwood: What? They look like pansies! Army, let's go!

*one horribly bloody battle later*

Lucius: Okay, so...7 people died on my side, and 10 on your side, so tat 20$ a person...60$!

Rhys: Damnit! That shouldn't count, Kieran fell off his horse and accidentally threw an axe into the back of Edward's head before getting trampled!

Lucius: *sigh* fine, 20$

Rhys: Cool, we'll have to do this again some time, but next time, my guys are gonna get you.

Lucius: Well, next time you won't have Marcus to kill!

68:

Ross: No way!

Boyd: Can't be done!

Bartre: No really, I can boomerang this axe around this house and it will come back to me.

Boyd: Prove it!

*Bartre throws an axe, it goes around the house, and comes back, he deftly catches it*

Bartre: I told you, my axe is special!

Ross: Wow! I wanna try!

RoBoyd: Wait your turn, pipsqueak!

*Boyd does almost exactly as Bartre, but he stumbles while catching the axe*

Boyd: Wow, that really has some kick to it!

Ross: My turn!

Bartre: Give the kid a try.

Boyd: Fine...

Ross: Yes!

*Ross hurls the axe, it turns around the house, but doesn't come around the other side, the three wait for a little while, then...*

Seth: My horse!

Boyd: Scatter!

Sexy #69

???: I call to order the first meeting of the Super-Handsome brigade! Roll Call! Hidden figure the first?

???: Present.

???: Good, we're all here. Okay, for our first meeting, I thought I'd explain the concealing our identities thing. It's to shield the world, when you gather too much handsome in one spot, it can rip the very fabric of space!

Marcia: Makalov, what are you doing in the basement!

Mak: Sis! I'm trying to have a meeting!

Marcia: Why don't you have a meeting on moving the Hell out of my place?

Mak: Just go! You're embarassing me in front of my handsome friend!

Marcia: Handsome, you say?

*Marcia runs down the stairs two at a time*

Marcia: Why the cloak, dreamy?

*??? removes his cloak*

Gonzales: The letter said to conceal my identity, beautiful.

Marcia: Oh god, I think my eyes just died.

Makalov: See, that's what happens when too much handsome gathers together!

#70

Franz: What's going on?

Nephenee: These two guys are seein' whose the strongest.

Brom: Gee, you're pretty strong! But I till more field than this before 10 am every day!

Bartre: Hah! I could carry this cart for days without food or water for three days. I'm not even beginning to fatigue!

Brom: Well, we'll see about that *picks up the pace*

Franz: Why are they tilling a field?

Nephenee: It was my idea.

Franz: Really?

Nephenee: Yep, this is my farm.

#71

Director: Okay, let's get tis thing started off right! Okay...Rolling! And...Action!

Micaiah: ...What am I supposed to be doing?

Director: Cut! You're supposed to be running from enemy soldiers!

Mcaiah: I don't see any....

Director: We'll put them in in post!

Micaian: All right...One more thing...

Director: What?

Micaiah: No one gave me a script.

Director: Will someone get on that? Take five everyone!

Take#2

Director: Action!

Micaiah: *Running from Daein soldiers*

Sothe: *Drops down*: Come with me if you want to live.

Director: Cut! Sothe, that's not your line, read the script!

Sothe: There's a script?

#72

Director; Okay, Action!

Jarod: You'll never deeat me!

Micaiah: Oh no! Our attacks are useless!

Edward: Here, use this.

Micaiah: What is it?

Edward: I swiped it from this wierd fairy looking guy.

Micaiah: Tes! With this new Master Sword, I can banish all evil!

Sothe: You don't wield swords.

Director: Cut! What was that? Guys, really, stick to the script!

Edward: There's a script?

Take #2

Jarod: I may fall, but I'll drag you down with me!

Micaiah: For love, and honour, in the name of the moon, I will punish you!

Director's Assistant" Aren't you going to yell cut?

Director: Let's see if she changes into a sailor scout uniform first.

#73

Director: Okay, so today's the big flying seen. Leanne, you ready?

Leanne: I guess so. One question though...

Director: Action!

Elincia: Princess Leanne, good to see yo-oh god!

Director: Cut! What happened?

DA: I don't thinl Leanne could actually fly. Props made her those wings...

Director: Huh...Get casting on a new Leanne, please.

Take #2

Director: This one can fly, right?

DA: She said so, anyways.

Director: Action!

Elincia: Oh, Princess Leanne! A pleasure to see you in our skies! I trust these ruffians are giving you no problems?

Leanne: ...No one gave me a script.

Director: Cut! Seriously, whose working in the script department?

#74

Director: Okay, action!

Nephenee: Oh no! The folk are trying to start an uprisin!

...

Nephenee: I know! We do have to do smethin', you're so right!

Director: Cut! Where in the Hell is Brom?

DA: Umm, kraft services finally set up today, and I think he's still at the food table.

Director: As though he weren't fat enough!

Take #2

Nephenee: Oh no! The folk are stirring some **** up!

Brom: Mmmmph!

Nephene: Yeah, we should knock some ****ing heads in! You're so righ!

Director: Cut! Okay, Nephenee: This game is rated T for teen.

Nephenee: But I've heard tons of teens saying worse, this one kid asked me if I wanted to let him lick my *** while I [The rest of this line was moderated at the request of a moderator or admnistrator, remember kids, Big Brother GFAQs is watching]

Director: ...

DA: ...

Brom *swallows his food* ...Did you?

#75

Director: Okay, action!

Ike: Okay, let's get the forces of this...guy.

Director: Cut! Ike, what are you doing?

Ike: I'm sorry, but it's really hard to remember the name of all these enemy generals. I mean, it's all the same "Hey, I've never been seen before,but I'm overconfident in my abilities, or I have some trap that couldn't possibly be beat! Oh no, I've been beaten, like the many before me, who could have forseen this?" I just have trouble finding my motivation. I mean, my character already beat the mad king, what's some no name general going to do to me?

Director: Your motivation? It's the nice paycheck you get at the end of all this.

Ike: Right, no further questions.

Take #2

Ike: Okay, let's go get the forces of....crap, I still never got his name.

Director: Cut!

#76

Micaiah: General Ike's forces are advancing on us!

Sothe: What do we do?

Micaiah: We only have one hope. Let's get the Hell out of here.

Director: Cut! You guys are supposed to make a heroic last stand!

Micaiah: Are those real tigers out there?

Director: That's not important! Get to work!

Take #2

Micaiah: I guess we better fight all these tigers for the next hour or so...

Sothe: Uhh, what happened to the tigers?

Director: Cut! WHY ARE ALL THE TIGERS DEAD?

DA: Umm, it looks as though one of the extras, that we cast as an archer, went crazy, screaming things like FOR THE GLORY OF DAIEN, and started destroying the enemy forces.

Director: ...Did we get it on tape?

DA: Yes sir.

Director: ...Okay, let's put it in.

#77

Tibarn: I'm going to kill you, human!

Director: Cut! Swap in the abnormally large hawl! Tibarn, take five!

*at Kraft services*

Tibarn: I still think they'd have done better to CGI the hawk.

Naesala: I know what you mean. The raven that's supposed to be me has taken a crap almost everywhere on set, plus I don't think anyone bothered to actually train him, they just found the biggest one they could get.

Tibarn: Yeah, my hawk is responsible for the deaths of five people.

Naesala: Really?

Tibarn: Well, they ticked me off.

#78

Director: Okay, take 15, action!

Hawk: Brawk!

Boyd: Oh god, get it off of me!

Director: Cut! Damnit, that hawk attacks everyone but Valtome.

Valtome: Uwee hee hee, I am invulnerable to the dregs of society!

Director: I said cut.

Valtome: Oh, screw yous guys, I'm going to my trailer.

Hawk: Brawk!

Valtome: Oh God, my face, kill it! kill it!

Director: Are we getting this?

DA: No sir.

Director: Damnit, we'll have to try again!

Take #29

Director: Once more!

Valtome: Haven't we done enough?

Director: Of course not, we need the proper angles on this! What do you think this is, a SNES title? Action!

Hawk: Brawk!

Valtome: Kill...Me....

#79

Director: We're this close to getting shut down, the studio was offered a Final Fantasy job, and they're threatening to shut us down if we don't finish soon, so let's get to it.

Ike: So wait, youre the Black Knight?

Zelgius: I guess so.

Ike: That's cool, I gues.

Zelgius: So...we fighting?

Ike: Sure.

Directr: Cut! Guys! Where's the emotion, the hatred!

Ike: I dunno, me and Zel went out for beers last night, he's a good guy.

Director: Come on, stick to the script!

Zelgius: There's a script?

Director: You know what?

DA: Think of the paycheck, sir.

Director:...Let's just finish this god awful mess.

#80

Ike: Oh, it's the Goddess Ashera!

Ashera: Yeah, I'm a goddess, and I have wings in wierd places, prepare to die for no adequately explored reason!

Director: Cut! *sigh* Okay, let's jusy do the bit. Script?

Ashera: What script?

Director: Moving on!

Take #2

Ike: Okay, Flippy battle action, g-urgh!

Director: Cut! That looked like it hurt.

DA: It seems like he broke both of his legs. What should we do?

Director: Hmm...We'll just CG the whole fight, and end the game there.

DA: What? What about the last chapter, where it turns out Volke was the mastermind behind all of this, and the group fights his super-powered form?

Director: Screw it.

Volke: ...*a single tear*

#81

Ike: We don't want to fight!

Micaiah: Your hair looks stupid!

Ike: Oh it is ON!

#82

Gatrie: Hey there beautiful, how's about you, me, and a broken broom handle?

Tree: ...

Gatrie: I'll take you silence as a yes, let's get to it!

#83

Nolan: Micaiah, it'd never work out between us. For one thing, it's illegal-

Micaiah: I'm 28

Nolan: Good-bye pants!

#84

Ike: Ranulf? I thought yuo were on latrine duty?

Ranulf: I told Rolf there was a treasure map hidden in the bottom of one of the latrines.

Ike: Well played.

#85

Tanith: Oh Oscar! It's so big! And...filling.

Oscar: I make a mean sandwhich, huh?

Tanith: Damnit! You ruined the innuendo!

#86

Boyd: How did you lose your arm, anyways?

Largo: Cancer.

Boyd: Oh...

#87

Tormod: Want to talk about the laguz with me?

Sothe: I'd rather take a stroll off the edge of a cliff.

Tormod: Okay... But you have to come too this time!

#88

Mia: I'm sorry Ike, I can't!

Ike: Mia, what is it that's keeping you from me?

Mia: Herpes.

#89

Gatrie: Hey there beautiful lady, how about w-

Lyre: Not even if you were the last man on Tellius, and I was in heat.

Gatrie: Alright, maybe later!

#90

Haar: You know what my only weakness is?

Jill: Depth perception.

Haar: Depth perce-oh.

Requests so far: All the trueblades (Niddy)

Mage Pool party (Odin)

Mia's quest for her archrival (KingPeng)

30 year reunion (Digicam)

Soren and Lethe playing Chess (Ebon)

All the fliers (WRK)

Toddler versions of FE chars (SacredEmblem)

An after party, preferrably with them getting drunk (J, White Knight)

Soren the psychiatrist (SuperFish)

Swap personalities of several major characters (DeathBorn)

#91

Zihark: Okay, you all know why I called this meeting.

Mia: I don't?

Eddie: We're having a meeting, you told me there was going to be cake!

Zihark: I say a lot of things. Anyways, I was thinking, Ike usually only takes one of us into battle, but we can make him take us all if we learn a traingle attack, like the Pegasus knights.

Mia: What kind of attack could we do?

Eddie: Yeah, three swords flying around the same spot sounds...awesome!

Zihark: We'll do the Daein Sword Shuffle!

Mia: The DSS? That hasn't even been attempted in a century!

Eddie: I heard all three Trueblades who tried that died simulaneously! Sounds great! Let's give it a shot!

Zihark: So then we're agreed.

*outside*

Zihark: Okay, go!

Mia: 23 stabs to the-

Eddie: Flying Chop!

Mia: Eddie, no!

*both of them impale each other*

Zihark: Huh, I guess Commander Ike will just be taking me into battle from now on.

#92 Mage Pool Party

Soren: I can't believe I agreed to this.

Micaiah: Cill out Soren, you really needed to get some sun, anyways!

Soren: I like my pale pallor! It let's people know I'm not some vapid beachfaring idiot!

Micaiah: ...*pushes Soren in the pool*

Tormod: Soren! Watch me dive! Soren! SOREN! SOREN, YOU'RE NOT WATCHING!

Soren: JUST ****ING DIVE ALREADY!

Tormod: ...I'm scared.

Soren: ...for Pete's sake...

*Jaws theme music plays*

Soren: What the...

*music gets louder and faster*

Soren: What is that even supposed to be? I'm really c-OW! Ilyana, what the crap?

Ilyana: I'm sorry, I thought you were a fish.

Soren: Ahh...I think you rew blood with your teeth...What happened to Calil and Bastian anyways?

Ilyana: Umm, Bastian complimented Calil on her bikini, and the two of them headed off into that supply closet. They've been in there for about half an hour.

Soren: Oh God that is so disgusting!

Pelleas: Tell me about it, I was getting this flotation device out of the closet when they came in.

Micaiah: Hey guys, get out of the pool! Tormod says he's barbequeing some steaks for us all!

Soren: You let Tormod near a propane barbecue? YOU'VE DOOMED US A-

*a huge explosion occurs, wiping the intire pool off the face of the plane*

THE END

#93 Mia's Quest for Her Archrival

Mia: Ha! You must be my archrival, look at that sword!

Cloud: Sorry, but I have an archrival, he;s that momma's boy with the crazy look in his eyes over there.

Sephiroth: They;ll all pay, mother, don't worry.

Mia: Well...How about-

Cloud: sorry, I already have a girl with unrealisticly large breasts, too.

Tifa: Yeah!

Mia: Damnit. Hey, maybe that guy!

Link: ...

Mia: Are you my rival?

Link: ...

Mia: Well, are you?

Link: ...

Mia: Damnit, say something!

Link: ...

Mia: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Zelda: What are you doing yelling at Link?!

Mia: This jerk is giving me the silent treatment!

Zelda: That's be cause he's a mute, you insensitive ass!

Mia: Oh...Oh! Oh God, I'm so sorry!

*Mia hurries off*

Mia: Wait, there's someone! You, will you be my eternal archrival?

Snake: In the time of war, there are no rivals, only opponents. Past friendships are forgotten, and men give their lives for causes they don't need to understand.

Mia: ...Right...

Snake: Say, would you hop up and down real fast?

Mia: Nuts to this, I'm going into banking!

#94 The thirty year reunion.

Ike: Hey there, everyone, welcome to the thirty year reunion of the Army of Dawn. We don't really have anything planned, other than mingling, so get to it!

*in the crowd*

Soren: Hey there.

Mist: Omigawd, Soren! It's been so long!

Soren: Yeah, well, me and Ike spent the last 30 years looking for new continents.

Mist: And?

Soren: There aren't any.

Boyd: Hey there Soren! Honey, the babysitter called, BJ is making her life a living Hell, I told her to man up, she is Mia's kid after all.

Soren: Mia has kids?

Boyd: Just the one. Turns out she found her archrival, and fell in love with him. they conceived before she dueled him to the death.

Soren: wow, what a way to go.

Boyd: Yeah, holy crap, is that Brom? He looks great *Boyd shoots off to talk to Brom*

Soren: So, you and Boyd, huh? *snicker*

Mist: Yeah....

*elsewhere*

Ranulf: Wowm these beorc age fast, I don't even have a grey fur yet, and they all seem to be one step into the grave...

Lyre: Tell me about it, Gatrie looks like a large pale prune, I'm so glad I broke it off with him.

Ranulf: I thought you caught him with one Caineghis' servant girls.

Lyre: Shut up.

#95 Soren and Lethe Playing Chess

Soren: Okay, so the pawns move forward only.

Lethe: These little guys?

Soren: Yeah... Okay, I'll explain it all from the start.

Lethe: Sorry, we do't have this silly game in Gallia.

*one explanation later*

Soren: Got it?

Lethe: I think so.

*one game of chess later*

Lethe: Checkmate, I think.

Soren: Wait...damnit! Beginner's luck! Rematch!

*three games later, a crowd is forming*

Lethe: Checkmate, is that right?

Soren:...Rematch!

*another three games in*

Soren: REMATCH!

Lethe: Okay.

Ranulf: This is just sad.

Rolf: What is?

Ranulf: Lethe is the Gallian chess champion.

#96 All the Fliers

Tibarn: Okay, I call to order the second meeting of the Silver wings club!

Jill: Second meeting? I wasn't hear for the first.

Ulki: The first meeting was to decide whether or not we should invite the beorc.

Jill: Oh...

Tibarn: First order of business, Tanith, stop hogging tohe full guard

Sigrun: Seriously.

Elincia: I could definitely use that.

Tanith: No! Finders, keepers!

Tibarn: If you don't share, I'll peck your eyes out.

Tanith: Who wants the first turn?

Marcia: Ooh! Ooh! *dances around with her hand in the air*

Tibarn: Next order of business, shou-

Naesala: The next order of business is why we're taking orders from you, hawk. I should lead this group.

Tibarn: You didn't even want to come!

Naesala: Well, now I'm here, and I'm in charge!

Nealuchi: Nestling, perhaps we shoud-

Naesala: Quiet, old man! Now, the first order of business under my new regime is dues, pay them, now.

Vika: I'm totally broke.

Janaff: I got you covered *wink*.

Vika: I'm never going to sleep with you.

Janaff: Then pay your own damn dues!

Naesala: Everyone paid up? Okay, meeting adjourned, we'll meet again next week, bring more dues!

*everyone leaves*

Haar: Zzzz....*snorts* Huh? Oh, everyone left! This is just like the time I woke up with an eye at that seedy motel!

#97 Toddler versions of FE chars

Ena: I can't believe I'm stuck babysitting again...

Ike: Ms. Ena, Shinon keeps shooting me with Nerf darts!

Ena: Shinon, put down that nerf bow! Have some milk or something! Oh for the love of, Boyd, Largo, stop fighting!

Boyd: *through tears* B-But he said he was stwonger than me!

Largo: I'm the stwongest! I pinned two teddies at the same time!

^elsewhere*

Rhys: EEEENAAAA!

Ena: *running in* What is it?

Rhys: Mia keeps on poking me, then laughing and running away! Why is she doing that?

Ena: Awww, it just means she likes you.

Rhys: But girls are icky...When I grow up, I'm gonna be a pwiest!

Ena: Whatever y-Black Knight, stop warping around, you're scaring the other kids!

BK: ...No naptime can contain me.

Ena: That's it, no more babysitting.

#98 After party

Ike: Hey, welcome to the party,Ena!

Ena: Thanks.

Ike: The booze is in the c-hey! Shinon, stop shooting arrows at me!

Shinon: *takes another swig of booze* You're not the boss of me!

Ena: Yeah...I'm gonna go over there now.

*crowd gathered, cheering*

Boyd: That's it, you're going down, Mr. Strongman!

Largo: Hah, I pinned two tigers, with my bare hands!

Ena: Dear sweet Ashera...

*Ena leaves to get some fresh air*

Rhys: Mia, stop poking me! I'ma priest now, you shouldn't do this stuff.

Enaa: ...I hate everyone.

(See what I did there?)

#99 Soren the Psychiatrist series

Volke: Here's your chair.

Soren: Please have a seat and tell me why you're a terrible person today.

Ashera: I'm not terrible, I' the Goddess of Order! I keep things in check!

Soren: Of course you do, now, let's get to the bottom of this obsession with order. Your parents beat you, didn't they?

Ashera: I'm a goddess, I never had parents!

Soren: And that just eats at you inside, doesn't it?

Ashera: I...I-

Soren: Always trying to compensate for a mother that never loved you and a daddy who wasn't there! That's why you put your own sister ina medallion. how could you?

Ashera: I just...Oh, me! What have I done? How can i make this better?

Soren: I'm sorry, our time is up, please pay the receptionist on your way out.

Volke: Money, now.

*Ashera glares*

Volke: ...Or later, later is good.

#100

Ike: Soren, I have your personality.

Soren: Amazing!

THE END!

Because I'm all about anticlimax.

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Pfeh, these things are nothing to do, the only thing is to not be afraid to type out complete crap, most people just get stuck on a blank page.

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I haven't read through all these yet (holy shit I can't believe you wrote all that) but it's pretty damn funny so far.

woohoo :D

k, back to reading.

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Nailah: Ike?

Ike: Yes?

Nailah: Should I stop as well?

Ike: No, I think we're good if you keep doing it.

I fuckin' lold.

Haven't read them all (Too damn many...) but keep up the good work, it's funny.

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Heh, seen these on GameFAQs before. #11 is my favourite just for the Fiona bit, though #14 is also very good.

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Yeah, but some idiot marked them for moderation there, so I haven't really done any since this hundred, and that was over a month ago.

I hate when people mark things for moderation.

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Kk, but I'll do it in my shiny new topic for that kind of thing, mainly since noone's actually requested anything there.

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Now I'm done. It was so great! I kinda laughed all the time! :lol:

I especially liked this part:

Tibarn: Next order of business, shou-

Naesala: The next order of business is why we're taking orders from you, hawk. I should lead this group.

Tibarn: You didn't even want to come!

Naesala: Well, now I'm here, and I'm in charge!

That sure is Naesala! No doubt! Great!

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Very humourous, expense-free read.

Kk, but I'll do it in my shiny new topic for that kind of thing, mainly since noone's actually requested anything there.

In that case, mind if we hijack this into a general FE blooper thread? :D

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