burning_phoneix Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first? A: Who cares? there's a mexican, a peurto rican, and a black guy in a car. who's driving? The cops What's the difference between a pepperoni pizza and an Asian? The pizza has enough meat to satisfy a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YokaiKnight Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 What's the difference between a dead nigger in the road and a dead dog in the road? There are skid marks before the dog. (fun fact: "nigger" is apparently in Firefox's dictionary. Yay!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tino Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) there's a mexican, a peurto rican, and a black guy in a car. who's driving?The cops God, that's got to be one of the most ancient jokes ever, except I know it with Turkish people and/or Maroccan people. Another old one: Why didn't the Jews participate in WWII? They went on camp What do you call the black stuff between an elephants toes? Slow niggers What's the difference between jews and boyscouts? Boyscouts come back from their camps Edited July 6, 2009 by Tino Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zkirsche Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 (edited) A man walks into a bar. ouch. A smart blonde jumps off a cliff, how long does it take for her to land? She never lands. Smart blondes don't exist. A man was born with nothing but a head. When he turned of age, his father took him for a drink. Every time the son took a sip, a part of his body would appear. After 1 sip, his body, the second, his arms, the third his legs and so on. In his excitement and happiness the son ran out of the bar and got run over. What did the barman say to the father? He should've quit while he was ahead. No offence, people. Edited July 6, 2009 by kirsche Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragnell Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. 'In English,' he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.' A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.' Hickory, dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries. The quantity of consonants in the English language remains constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. i.e.: When a Bostonian 'pahks' his 'cah,' the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to 'warsh' his car and invest in 'erl wells.' Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works. Here at First National, you're not just a number - you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number. I before E except after C. We live in a weird society! Basically, everything from this site Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. 'In English,' he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.' A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'Hickory, dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries. The quantity of consonants in the English language remains constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. i.e.: When a Bostonian 'pahks' his 'cah,' the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to 'warsh' his car and invest in 'erl wells.' Elephants wear tu-tus so they can hide in pine trees. Did you ever see an elephant in a pine tree? No? Well then, you know it works. Here at First National, you're not just a number - you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number. I before E except after C. We live in a weird society! Basically, everything from this site Ha nice, you come up with those yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hooded Man Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 (edited) -Hey, dude, where are you going? -To the repair shop. My coffee maker broke down. -How so? -I poured 500 coffee cups, then drank them all in a row. -What!? And did nothing happen to you? -Yeah, my coffee maker broke down. There's a man, an ex-militar, with a large tatoo on his chest he got 20 years ago. A friend of his takes a look and asks: -Hey, does water erase that? -No clue. Edited July 7, 2009 by Shiva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NinjaMonkey Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 (edited) What food lowers the female sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake. What is the definition of mixed emotions? Your mother-in-law driving off a cliff in your new car. Why are men like ads on TV? Because they only last 30 seconds and you can't believe a word they say. What's the difference between a banker and a pigeon? A pigeon can leave a deposit on a Ferrari. “ A couple of Mississippi hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" Edited July 7, 2009 by NinjaMonkey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted July 7, 2009 Share Posted July 7, 2009 What's Michael Jackson's favorite place to shop? Walmart, because the boys' pants are half-off. What's Michael Jackson's favorite band? Boys to Men because he thinks it's a delivery service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
book of life Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) Edited July 18, 2009 by book of life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CGV Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) Whats the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops screwing you when you're dead What's the object of jewish football? To get the Quaterback I know I have more, but I can't think of them atm Oh, here's another joke. Paris Hilton Edited July 18, 2009 by CGV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eltoshen Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 (edited) You have to give Paris Hilton creds. I doubt anybody else can get as much attention as she does these days... Oh yes, my all time favorite. I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people. Edited July 20, 2009 by Eltoshen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 You have to give Paris Hilton creds. I doubt anybody else can get as much attention as she does these days...Oh yes, my all time favorite. I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 My friend just told me this one today. Why do black people like basketball so much? Because they can run, shoot, and steal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.