The Wonderful World of Pokemon Feedback

[Ragnell]

I welcome any and all feedback for my story, the Wonderful World of Pokemon. Seriously, I don't mind criticism, I vigorously encourage it. The more the better. Anyway, thanks for reading.

So, to stimulate some discussion, I'll say what I'm concerned about in the story. My main issue with this story is that the exposition is sorta nonexistent. I read a book about writing that encouraged letting the reader figure things out for themselves instead of turning the first three or four chapters into huge infodumps. So I kind of took that idea to the extreme in this story. As you'll see in Chapter 1, I start off right in the action.

Oh, and while the Prologue will seem a bit unrelated to the story at first, don't forget about it. What that chapter contains dictates the entire course of the story.

[Defeatist Elitist]

For a fanfiction, pretty good so far. I like it.

My main issue with this story is that the exposition is sorta nonexistent. I read a book about writing that encouraged letting the reader figure things out for themselves instead of turning the first three or four chapters into huge infodumps. So I kind of took that idea to the extreme in this story. As you'll see in Chapter 1, I start off right in the action.

Keep. Doing. This.

If I can tell you one thing, it's that keeping unnecessary exposition down is a GOOD thing. You've done pretty well, I think, especially considering most information is only imparted through dialogue, as opposed to you just telling the reader. So far, even if I didn't have much Pokemon knowledge, I think I would not feel lost, but more feel interested. So yeah, keep it up, this style of writing encourages the reader to think, and generates interest.

[Bryan]

For a fanfiction, pretty good so far. I like it.

Keep. Doing. This.

If I can tell you one thing, it's that keeping unnecessary exposition down is a GOOD thing. You've done pretty well, I think, especially considering most information is only imparted through dialogue, as opposed to you just telling the reader. So far, even if I didn't have much Pokemon knowledge, I think I would not feel lost, but more feel interested. So yeah, keep it up, this style of writing encourages the reader to think, and generates interest.

I agree 100%.

JW, will you ever tell us of the boy's orgins?

[riariadne]

I read a little of it, but I'm a bit curious, is the title a bit sarcastic? It sounds a little that way to me, but I'd like to know.

[Ragnell]

@Reinfleche: Yeah, it definitely is. My idea was to create a Pokemon world that was pretty much a dystopia (ie: an oppressive government, evil organizations, lots of betrayals, etc). The fact that there's so much potential in the series for crazy plots, but they just stick with happy-go-lucky adventures of pre-adolescent children in magical paradises bugs me.

So there's barely any good guys in this story. Pretty much every one is driven by selfish interests, which I think is a tad more realistic than the obviously evil villains in the games. That was another of my goals for this story: to make even the villains somewhat relatable (although they are still pretty nasty...).

Oh, and Bryan, you will definitely find out all about that boy, although it will be quite a while before you really understand him. For the next couple chapters, the most you'll ever hear about him is just rumors.

[Knight of the White Lake]

This is great!

I really like the fanfiction you write anyway, but this, if you continue, is certainly a masterpiece.

Perhaps Nintendo will pick up on it??....

probably not, but it would be awesome if they would, or if a movie could be made.

Anyway, I only saw two grammatical hiccups, but I forgot to write down where they were.

Awesome job. Please finish this one, and don't leave us with a short synopsis of what would happen, because this is an AWESOME story.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Knight of the White Lake

[Ragnell]

Awesome job. Please finish this one, and don't leave us with a short synopsis of what would happen, because this is an AWESOME story.

Heh, I'll try my best. And thanks for the support, I was wondering if you were still around.

Anyway, Chapter 2: Site F is now up.

Also, I've added a short email before the first chapter. From now on, there will be a letter, email, or some dialogue before every chapter. They're just there to clarify a bit of what's going on behind the scenes, and they explain why the events of the story are occurring like they are. I would highly suggest reading them, but they aren't always going to be completely relevant to the specific chapter they precede.

And I'm wondering, has anyone caught all the puns in characters' names so far? Just about every character's name has some significance, except the new Reds in this chapter.

[Ragnell]

Chapter 3: I Choose You, Pikachu! is up.

I've got a couple fun facts about this and the past chapters, too.

If you haven't noticed yet, the main character's names all have meaning. Blaze=red (fire is generally seen as red), Jade=green, and Navy=blue (navy is a common shade of blue); Red, Green and Blue are heroes in the original manga (sorta). Blaze and co. aren't meant to be those people, I just thought it was a good way to name the characters, since the Pokemon heroes are always named after colors. Thus this re-imagining of Pokemon has characters named after things related to specific colors. On top of that, Solari=sun and Lunette=moon. Oh, and the names Ragen and NelsonL from the email in Chapter 2 are actually just fragments of my username. RagenNelsonL. Get it? Heh...I admit, that's sorta lame, but I was sick of coming up with names, and that idea sprang into my mind as a good idea at the time.

Team X's name actually came from their uniform, and doesn't have any significance. I didn't have a name for them yet when I was writing the prologue, but I thought it would be cool if they had an X on their uniform, so one thing led to another and they picked up the name Team X. The Red Army's name was made as a sort of pun off of the real-life Red Army and the character Red from Pokemon. The group is, in essence, an army of Pokemon trainers trying to be like the legendary Red. They aren't actually going to be a parallel of the real Red Army though, I just used the name.

And the mission specifications at the beginning of Chapter 3 aren't just random numbers. In the email it reads: TF-5:30, 35:40, 139:45-N-E- Raid. This is an encoded form of the location of the raid, since Team X wouldn't want their plan to be ruined if their email was intercepted. TF means 'time first' (as opposed to LF: location first), so 5:30 means 5:30 pm. The next two sets of numbers are a sort of longitude and latitude of the raid. In actuality, those long and lat (35°40' N, 139°45' E)are the location of Tokyo, Japan, where the Pokemon games are made. I know, I have too much time on my hands.

Edited August 7, 2010 by Ragnell