riariadne Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) This is the feedback thread for my story, Fire Emblem: Dusk Revolution. All comments, criticism, and discussion of the story belongs here. Here's a link to the story: http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=20381&pid=1025004&st=0entry1025004 Edited May 29, 2010 by Lightning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 >.> You misspelled it in the topic, as well. In other news, it seems we have an enemy mage w/B in anima/ a Sage/ an FE8 Druid. Bolting crit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 ... Did I really? FFFF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 I honestly was about to ask... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) Shows how good I am at double checking... That wasn't exactly what I was thinking by the lighting bolt by the way... although it does fit in rather nicely with the story itself. Man do I make a lot many mistakes that turn out to work... Edited May 21, 2010 by Lightning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Dammit, I was really looking forward to 'Duck Revolution'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 That would have been epic. Canardy goodness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 ... Maybe I could do a spinoff or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AstraLunaSol Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 I was wondering what Ducks had to do with FE when I read this. .-. Then I saw Dusk, then I was like, "Okay, much better" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 Yeah, I really screwed that part up. Fortunately a mod fixed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Chapter 1 is up... ... and it's really short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 He has been blessed by the lightning. Or something. Yeah, sort of waiting for chapter 2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 I'm pretty sure there's actually a better chance of surviving being struck by lightning than dying from it (IIRC it's something like 60/40). Don't quote me on that though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 9/10 chance of survival, but this is Fire Emblem, so with enough magic power, it could easily be 100% chance of death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 ... That was a natural lightning bolt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragnell Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 The story's alright so far, but you really need longer chapters. Chapter 1 was barely over two hundred words. You should have AT LEAST 1,000 words for a decent-sized chapter. I would suggest either posting less frequently with longer chapters or posting segments the same size as you currently are and then just making five or so segments one chapter. Also, I found it odd that the boy knew exactly where the inn was in a village he didn't recognize. You should probably include that he wandered a bit until he found it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 29, 2010 Author Share Posted May 29, 2010 Yeah, probably. It was supposed to be in the center of town, but I should've elaborated there. *fixes* I'll probably add more to Chapter 1 as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 30, 2010 Author Share Posted May 30, 2010 Chapter 1 updated. Read and comment as you like. Also, I'll be periodically posting the mugs of the characters who have them (there's about 10). Chaz's would be here: http://feshrine.b1.jcink.com/uploads/feshrine//av-426.gif This one's made by Eclipse40 on FEshrine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 30, 2010 Share Posted May 30, 2010 So, Chaz is Chase? Or is Chase Chaz? Moving on, nice. Merc+ Archer = death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 30, 2010 Author Share Posted May 30, 2010 Chase was based off of Chaz in looks (well they're the same in looks but that's mostly due to my laziness) and weapon. And name. Not much else similar though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 30, 2010 Share Posted May 30, 2010 So, they're clones, except with different personalities? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 30, 2010 Author Share Posted May 30, 2010 It's more like I don't know how to make mugs so I used Chaz's for Chase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snike Posted May 30, 2010 Share Posted May 30, 2010 Well, at least you have a usable one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 ... I didn't make it though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted June 6, 2010 Author Share Posted June 6, 2010 Chapter 2 is up. I'll probably have a lot of sarcastic chapter names throughout the story, so don't be surprised by them. Just a few notes. -This chapter would pretty much be the equivalent of Chapter 1 would've been in the hack. Yes, that means I put it before the prologue. It made more sense upon reflection to have this part first. -Robin had a mug. It was pretty much just Matthew with Lloyd hair and a slightly darker cloak, so I'm not going to bother posting it unless someone wants to see it. Once again it was made by Eclipse40 on FEShrine and not me. -Robin's name was based on the fact thieves rob people. I know, I know, terrible pun, but that's where I got it from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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