Dealing with unhappiness.

[Celice]

I'm not sure now how relevant this would be, considering the change of the thread, but still:

[Midnight Nightmare]

WHAT!?!?!? HOW GIVES A CRAP ABOUT THE WII!!! THATS REPLACEABLE!!!! YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FAMILY (WHO ARE NOT REPLACEABLE!!!!!!!) NOT YOUR DAM WII OR COMPUTER!!!!! YOUR LUCKY THAT EVERYONE LEFT WITH THEIR LIFE!!!! (A few bad memories yes but not DRASTIC changes or emotional scars.)

*sigh* I'm sorry but I just had to say something.

O.O I JUST STATED THE FACT THAT THEY

COULD HAVE TAKEN THE WII!!!!! <_<

You know...you made me think about the relationship I have with my dad...

I barely talk to my dad...not because he divorced my mother, i hate him or anything. Its just that I barely see him. *That's not totally true* but he ignores me. He had always ignored me ever since I remember.

Edited August 16, 2010 by Midnight Star

[whase]

I see most people here have had a lot of things to endure in their pasts, and it seems like they have plenty reasons to be unhappy about their lives.

I'm 18, I've only had 2 loved ones die and that was of old age. We have plenty money, we're not rich, but we never have any debts. I have nice parents and my father never hit me. I'm with the 21% smartest people of Holland and I have my own tv, dvd recorder and laptop. you wouldn't think I'd have any reason to be unhappy, would you?

but I'm not unhappy about my past, I'm unhappy about my future.

the road my life is going is leading me to become a forever single guy who will be busy working in the IT until I'm 67 and then die when I'm 68 (around the age both my grandfathers died). every few months now I've got to think of a new reason not to kill myself. My current reason: My sisters both want children later, how can they ever explain them what happened to their uncle? I hope this excuse lasts longer than a few months...

[Zkirsche]

"For those born with nothing, there are those born with everythng."

[Excellen Browning]

I see most people here have had a lot of things to endure in their pasts, and it seems like they have plenty reasons to be unhappy about their lives.

I'm 18, I've only had 2 loved ones die and that was of old age. We have plenty money, we're not rich, but we never have any debts. I have nice parents and my father never hit me. I'm with the 21% smartest people of Holland and I have my own tv, dvd recorder and laptop. you wouldn't think I'd have any reason to be unhappy, would you?

but I'm not unhappy about my past, I'm unhappy about my future.

the road my life is going is leading me to become a forever single guy who will be busy working in the IT until I'm 67 and then die when I'm 68 (around the age both my grandfathers died). every few months now I've got to think of a new reason not to kill myself. My current reason: My sisters both want children later, how can they ever explain them what happened to their uncle? I hope this excuse lasts longer than a few months...

This post is interesting because it reminds me of myself and my thinking to an extent. When I compare the most extreme situations in my life to some of the ones listed here, I can't come to any other conclusion that my life has been devoid of any real powerful unhappy experiences. It offers perspective. A friend of mine suddenly lost her mother due to cancer some way mid-december a couple of years back. Right between her birthday and christmas. Another friend of mine was physically abused by her mother and brother, her father didn't care and child protection services failed her immensely. At some point she moved out, started working fulltime to support herself and at the same time finished high school. It is a feat I am astonished of and I wouldn't have been able to do it. The father of a guy I used to be friends with committed suicide when he was 14 or so and after that his mom tried to abuse him out of the house. The father of another girl I know is an alcoholic. The guy who is currently my partner in a research project has such a bad relationship with his stepfather they often use physical violence and try to humiliate eachother in social situations. And finally the mother of this other girl I know is suicidal.

And then there I come with me not knowing happiness for as far back as I can remember. With my parents having been failures at parenting. My father who has from day one closed himself off to perhaps everyone around him and will consistently tell lies as long as he doesn't have to tell the embarrassing truth about him likely being picked on during his school days, ignored by most in university and then again at his work place. About his autism. About admitting that the way his parents raised him and their other children was cold, closed and bad. I don't have a good relationship with my father. For several years during my teens I hated him with a passion. At some point during this year, I just let that hatred go. And half heartedly tried to fix our relationship. Due to something I'm not going to explain, everything went to hell pretty soon after that. And currently my mother doesn't really want anything to do with him anymore, and my little brother doesn't talk to him anymore. I have now reached the point of not truly caring about him anymore. No matter what he does I can't bring myself to be happy for him or annoyed or angry at him. Enough was enough, I guess. And it seems that applied to everyone.

The story about my mother is considerably shorter. Mainly that's because for a good 6 or so years now I haven't seen her all that often(my parents are divorced, my mother moved to Belgium officially but lived about 1/3 of the week with us) and because she has shown betterment. My mother was pretty obsessive about me and my siblings not getting picked on, and went to great lengths. The only real effect of that was that she made it worse. And she would often get angry and change rules on the fly. This past year I've been getting along better with her. And she has now finally realized some things about herself and her parenting and has apologized for what she has done and is changing herself.

... You may find it awkward that I talk about my parents. And I guess it is. My problems are for a sizeable part due to my family. And I at some point those problems dictated my life. The far larger and more painful part of my problems lies with myself. I have a lot of autistic symptoms. I'm rubbish in social situations that are not via telephone, email, text messaging or instant web messengers like AIM. I have virtually no social life and I think the chance of me getting a girl to fall in love with me, due to my social awkwardness, is very slim. I was picked on in primary school, and socially isolated through most of my middle school and high school days. I think the most direct cause of this was my social weakness. Untill very recently I hadn't made friends. I don't go out much and can't stand crowds. I lived under the idea that extremist philosophers like Machiavelli are right in how people will always choose what is best for them, even if that was bad for you and try to force those beliefs on people. For a long time I thought I could use badass movie quotes in real life and have them work.

I guess most importantly I'm still alone. Over the last year I've improved much. But push comes to shove, I'm still lonely during christmas and new years eve. Last year I planned to commit suicide by overdose if I had to spend new years eve on my own. If not at the last moment my mother didn't decide to stay with me, I don't know what I would've done. And I face the same situation again this year. funny thing, though. Around this time last year I was seriously depressed. And now not any more.

Happiness, or unhappiness, has always been something I think about a lot. I figure that no matter how shit you feel, you gotta soldier on, just because nobody is going to do it for you and if you don't you're better off dying. I figured out that your goal in life cannot be dictated by your church or your state. Maybe you won't ever know what it was untill you're dying. Who is to say? I figured out that our unhappiness, more than anything, shapes us as a person. Or maybe I'm just holding an off topic rant.

When I see you, whase, the first feeling I get is that you do not seem to know where you stand. who you really are, what you think is important, what you want to stand for and what you do not care about. And I think you first gotta know who you are and where you come from before you can figure out where you wanna go. I'm also one who disagrees with luxury somehow causating with happiness. When we compare our living standards to those of, say, Africans, we automatically assume we should be far more happy. However if we all were to take a happiness survey we might just find that Africans or poor people are just as happy as we are.

To those of you who are interested, I have a series of writings posted on a blogspot, which I've written over the last year. They're probably chock full of spelling and grammar mistakes because I detest reading them after I've written them. And I guess some of it can be considered idiotic. But maybe it nicely illustrates the changes I've made over this last year. You should read them from the bottom to the top article for chronological order. http://genealogyoflines.blogspot.com/

[Meteor]

the road my life is going is leading me to become a forever single guy who will be busy working in the IT until I'm 67 and then die when I'm 68.

With that mindset, I have no doubt you will indeed die as you described. What you need to realize is that life is not a one-lane road to your grave. If you don't like the way you're headed, pick a different route! Life will not predetermine the best path for you; you have to find it yourself. It's counter-intuitive, but you have to get out of your comfort zone to find happiness. Now stop being such a damn defeatist and put yourself out there (not on the internet).

I think the chance of me getting a girl to fall in love with me, due to my social awkwardness, is very slim.

I was picked on in primary school, and socially isolated through most of my middle school and high school days. I think the most direct cause of this was my social weakness. Untill very recently I hadn't made friends. I don't go out much and can't stand crowds. I lived under the idea that extremist philosophers like Machiavelli are right in how people will always choose what is best for them, even if that was bad for you and try to force those beliefs on people. For a long time I thought I could use badass movie quotes in real life and have them work.

Remember: there are just as many socially awkward girls as guys. You are not some unlovable, special case. But having a girl is not going to automatically fulfill you. If you're not happy being single, what makes you think you'd be happy in a relationship? Once you are happy being alone in your life, people will want to be a part of it. Work on being awesome and everything else will fall into place.

Fuck whatever Machiavelli said. There are plenty of spectacular people and things in the world. Focus on those.

[Death']

unhappiness is actually good for you and the society.

the negative emotions are unpleasant, makes you realise that something isn't right/working, and as a result it makes you motivated to change things. Also low self-esteem keeps us in our social hierarchies and forces us to cooperate.

in the long term, I figure out what is wrong and fix it. In the short term, I have apparently "bad" methods of dealing with sadness. I go for a run until I collapse/completely run out of energy, hurt myself, or go to punk shows where I can get beat up in mosh pits. Those things work for me because i can channel all my internal negative emotions into external physical ones.

[Excellen Browning]

Remember: there are just as many socially awkward girls as guys. You are not some unlovable, special case. But having a girl is not going to automatically fulfill you. If you're not happy being single, what makes you think you'd be happy in a relationship? Once you are happy being alone in your life, people will want to be a part of it. Work on being awesome and everything else will fall into place.

Fuck whatever Machiavelli said. There are plenty of spectacular people and things in the world. Focus on those.

The sad thing of it all is that I know that. Somewhere, I know that. And somewhere I don't want to admit it. I gotta get my mind straight. I have got to stop holding myself back with nonsense like this all. Everything I wrote up to now has been nonsense. Excuse me.

[lolDeath]

You are not some unlovable, special case.

Could be! Some people are.

But having a girl is not going to automatically fulfill you. If you're not happy being single, what makes you think you'd be happy in a relationship?

Yes it can. Being in love with someone, or even just really liking somebody that you're with, has a tendency to make all the problems seem a lot more minor. Until it wears off. Then you're loaded up with extra!

Once you are happy being alone in your life, people will want to be a part of it. Work on being awesome and everything else will fall into place.

Except some people can never be happy alone, and just being happy with your life does not automatically make people want to be around you. Working on being awesome in any way isn't going to make everything magically fall into place. Liking who you are doesn't mean that anyone else will ever like you.

Now with the actual post out of the way, I can actually post what I tried to last time without Narga having to remove my shit. Or was it Nightmare. One of those.

You sound like Dr. Phil for children. "Just do these things I say and it will totally work, because I am totally right!".

I bet you aren't even a real doctor.

[Excellen Browning]

A lot of philosophy which I'm not going to explain is behind Meteor's statements. I suggest you read "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It is the book I think best explains that philosophy.

Over the past year, I have come to at least not dislike myself as much as I used to, and started getting to know people around me better and better. It's not what I would call friendship, but a start is a start.

Reading what you wrote... it makes me think you are in a situation much like mine.

[lolDeath]

I'm perfectly fine, I just don't require false hope to get me through my days.

[Excellen Browning]

False hope, schmall schope. I have lied to myself about my hope a lot. But ultimately, there is only one thing that has kept me from suicide, and I guess you could call that bit hope. Or not having the guts to actually do it.

Thing is, I've learned that in great clichés lies great wisdom. At the end of the day, what you make of your situation is what matters. I am lonely and unhappy with that, I have started making friends and am happy with that. This list continues, but I'll list nothing more. How I value these two depends on how I want to see life, or how I value life depends on how I value these. And that is one thing I would call a reality.

Also a friend of mine suggested I spend new years eve with her. Out of pity, yes. Or maybe out of love for thy fellow man. But I said that if it were possible, yes please.

[lolDeath]

Yeah at this point I think you're getting something from what I'm saying that I'm not actually saying. Said saying too many times. Sounds weird now.

Anyways, I am not... saying (fuck) that there's like, no coming back from something you don't like, or any bullshit like that. I'm saying that LIKING YOURSELF AND BEING AWESOME AS SHIT SO PEOPLE WILL BE TOTALLY INTO YOU is not going to magically fix anything and that blindly treating all situations like that is absolutely fucking retarded. I am not saying the concept of what Meteor said is stupid, I am saying that exactly what he said is dumb. Mostly "work on being awesome and everything else will fall into place"

You can't change who you are. If you're boring, or an asshole, or any one of a million things that can cause you to not be happy with your life you can try to not be it all you want, you can act against it, but at the end of the day that's still you whether anyone else knows it or not.

Now, ritual suicide time.

edit;;; here we go

Edited December 7, 2010 by Death

[whase]

so, I just found there were new replies since my last post, I'm sorry for the late answer

With that mindset, I have no doubt you will indeed die as you described. What you need to realize is that life is not a one-lane road to your grave. If you don't like the way you're headed, pick a different route! Life will not predetermine the best path for you; you have to find it yourself. It's counter-intuitive, but you have to get out of your comfort zone to find happiness. Now stop being such a damn defeatist and put yourself out there (not on the internet).

hmmm, makes me think of that movie 'yes man'. Maybe you're right, I indeed do have some kind of 'comfort zone' I tend to stay in. Next time an opportunity presents itself, maybe I should just say 'yes' for a change...

If you're not happy being single, what makes you think you'd be happy in a relationship?

I'd have someone to live for, I thought that should do the job. you know any better ways to be happy?

Work on being awesome and everything else will fall into place.

so, what's this talking about 'being yourself'? and even then, when is someone truly 'awesome'?

[deleted35362]

In unhappiness, I listen to music even more. I start with angry music like death

metal and thrash metal, then sad music, then work my way up to happy, cheerful,

or mellow music when I realize that I have a life to live and I can't waste it.

[Zanryu]

I've been diagnosed with bipolarism, and my symptoms are much, much worse than my mother's ever were - I have bouts of serious depression from time to time, and I've screwed up a lot because of it.

It mostly started when my friend passed away back in 2008, that was just the start of things going downhill. I started slacking off in school, I didn't care. I got into drinking a lot, partying all the time - but I started to break away from it. My aunt passed away in late 2009, and I backtracked - I started with the drinking again, I really started slacking off in school, nearly ruined my whole life. But then I started making more positive changes, too - I wasn't as rude, I wasn't as selfish, I tried to be more open minded. Along with those changes, my whole lifestyle changed.

This past year, I managed to get out of the drinking for a while - I pulled up my marks, held up my job in the meantime, and all it took was for me to be a nicer person. It made people happier, I got to see the smiles that I had caused - that was enough for me. In June this year, I met a girl who I thought was fantastic, we were seeing each other, we dated... she slowly got me back into drinking and very minor drugs - but when we split up, I took a turn for the worst again. Severe depression, two months straight where I would go to work every day, come home, go out and get wasted, get as high as I could, go home and pass out. My friends realized the changes I was making again, gave me a reality check. I turned more to the music I love, my closest friends, and tried to settle my life a bit.

The past two months, I've been sleeping maybe an hour or two every night, even though I'm up at 5:30AM every weekday for work - I'm up in case someone needs someone to talk to, someone to give them advice. In the past two months, I've made so many people happier, and I've been happier. I'm dating the sweetest girl I've ever met to make things even better - when I can't take my own problems on top of all the problems of my friends, she's always there for me.

When I was unhappy, I'd turn to substances. Light drugs, hard drugs, heavy drinking - it was disgusting, but it made me forget. But I've broken the habit - I still drink occasionally, but I know and respect my limits, but I use the happiness I can give OTHERS to fuel my own happiness. I can do right by a handful of people, and maybe they'll follow my example and do right by another few handfuls - I'd be happy to be the cause of those smiles.

[Aleph]

Hm. I always just dealt with unhappiness by getting the fuck away from it.

It always managed to manifest in physical form, see, so it was easy to identify where it was and which way was "away".

Edit: I keep thinking I am eclipse when I see my avatar now.

It is awesome.

Edited December 24, 2010 by ~~~ Juggalo sTyLe ~~~

[Lucent]

Do you know what I do in order to get away from unhappiness?

Not post my problems on the internet in public for everyone to see like a Linkin Park fan writing a collaborative effort for a My Immortal fan tribute.

[Zanryu]

Do you know what I do in order to get away from unhappiness?

Not post my problems on the internet in public for everyone to see like a Linkin Park fan writing a collaborative effort for a My Immortal fan tribute.

Perhaps putting one's problems out there is a method of coping? I know many people who prefer to get everything out into the open, it's less weight on their shoulders.

[eclipse]

Do you know what I do in order to get away from unhappiness?

Not post my problems on the internet in public for everyone to see like a Linkin Park fan writing a collaborative effort for a My Immortal fan tribute.

Nope, instead, you confide in people who know things like your name and past. After all, they'll never use that information against you, right?

Sometimes, it's easier to post a problem to a bunch of people who have no idea who you are. It's a different perspective on the same problem.

[Lucent]

Nope, instead, you confide in people who know things like your name and past. After all, they'll never use that information against you, right?

Sometimes, it's easier to post a problem to a bunch of people who have no idea who you are. It's a different perspective on the same problem.

Look where you are: the Internet. The soul of which boundlessly hates you. The harvest of hatred and truths being spread before you by your superiors, and where optimism goes to die in the higher ranks of intelligence. Your alias is attached to a person behind it, and there is no way to detach your personality, philosophies and thoughts from your alias that you have blessed upon it. It is a part of you. A persona.

While I'm on that subject, I wish this subsection didn't exist. You people discuss things such as the human condition and homosexuality as if you think you guys actually know something regarding the subject at hand...which is the furthest thing from the given truth. You guys want a hug? Go get a hug.

[eclipse]

Look where you are: the Internet. The soul of which boundlessly hates you. The harvest of hatred and truths being spread before you by your superiors, and where optimism goes to die in the higher ranks of intelligence. Your alias is attached to a person behind it, and there is no way to detach your personality, philosophies and thoughts from your alias that you have blessed upon it. It is a part of you. A persona.

While I'm on that subject, I wish this subsection didn't exist. You people discuss things such as the human condition and homosexuality as if you think you guys actually know something regarding the subject at hand...which is the furthest thing from the given truth. You guys want a hug? Go get a hug.

Stop hanging around the 'chans.

There are plenty of unhappy people on the Internet. There are also people who give their time selflessly to help others, people who like to chat with others, people who create works for others to enjoy, and people who antagonize others for their own ends. This is no different than The World Outside. The only difference is that you can't see who's behind the computer screen on a board like this. In that sense, the Internet is impartial.

From your post above, it sounds like you know Something This Board Doesn't about the human condition and homosexuality. Care to spill the beans?

[Nightmare]

If you don't have anything to say about the topic on hand, then don't post, Lucent. Though if you post a bit more, then I'll get you banned from this section, so everyone will be happy.

Others, don't feed him.

Edited December 25, 2010 by Nightmare

[Jyosua]

Look where you are: the Internet. The soul of which boundlessly hates you. The harvest of hatred and truths being spread before you by your superiors, and where optimism goes to die in the higher ranks of intelligence. Your alias is attached to a person behind it, and there is no way to detach your personality, philosophies and thoughts from your alias that you have blessed upon it. It is a part of you. A persona.

While I'm on that subject, I wish this subsection didn't exist. You people discuss things such as the human condition and homosexuality as if you think you guys actually know something regarding the subject at hand...which is the furthest thing from the given truth. You guys want a hug? Go get a hug.

0/10

You're missing a trollface.jpg

Aside from that, "as if you guys actually know something regarding the subject"? That's to say that given my past incident where I gave a good friend support when she came to terms with the fact she's a lesbian, and my heavy involvement with my College's GSA equivalent means I clearly know nothing about the subject of homosexuality, right? And the countless texts I've read on philosophy, ethics, and humanism, as well as personal experience also indicates that know absolutely nothing about human condition.

You're a terrible troll, but if you actually believe that no fruitful discussion can be done on the internet, you're horribly mistaken, and I think you've confused the internet hate machine for the internet itself. You'd do well to realize the high level of academia present on this technology.

Additionally, if your only purpose is to troll everyone here, don't expect to have the ability to do so for long. If you have nothing to contribute, don't post at all.

[deleted35362]

I don't mean this to offend, but if you're dragging out what he said this much,

than his "trolling" is working.