FIRE EMBLEM: THE DARK CONFLICT DAYS OF RUN WARS

[NagafenOfIlivikitty]

From a chat I was in.

[03:33:34] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Long long ago, Ashera let her judgement fall on the world. But unfortunately it was the wrong world and the two sides, Rubinelle and Zepyhrnn\ngznkzsomething were destroyed.

[03:33:51] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So Ashera went 'Oh s**t' and tiptoed away to go ruin a different game.

[03:34:14] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: But what she left behind was a world shrouded in ruin, chaos and destroyed Best-Buys.

[03:34:43] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: From the dark sections of a wrecked Wal-Mart, between the aisles offering fertiliser and shotguns, came a great evil.

[03:34:57] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: But then Caulder came, killed the great evil and stole his wallet.

[03:35:29] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So as a new, greater evil, he said 'I am what I am' clicked his heels, tried to grow breasts, failed and went on to think of an evil plot.

[03:35:58] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Retreating to the Batcave, which pissed off Batman so he had to leave, he wondered what he must do with the world.

[03:37:05] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So he decided to first build himself a lair. Because that's what villains do. If it's good enough for the Joker, Lex Luthor and even Monster Rancher Card Battle GB, it was good enough for him.

[03:37:51] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So he built a base, decided that he'd really go with an Owl Scthick for his stuff's names becuase Owl's are, as he quoted 'Evil and shit', he begn his evil reign.

[03:38:12] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Or he would've been had it not been Friday at 3.00pm and everyone was at work.

[03:39:00] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So he got bored and cloned himself, thinking this was a TOTALLY BRIGHT IDEA AND WOULDN'T IN ANY WAY GO WRONG LIKE THAT THING' y'know, like with spider-man.

[03:39:12] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And then his clone killed him.

[03:39:31] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Caulder's last thought was 'Shit, I left the iron on' and then passed away.

[03:40:14] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Clone Caulder, or as he called himself 'Jeffery', decided that his first order of buisness was to destory the earth. And maybe tape the Fresh prince of Bel-Air.

[03:42:19] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So after he taped the episode where Carlton met Tom Jones, he began to build a vast aircraft, one that would dominate the air ways and lead in a new age, one he would be at the pinaclle of. Unfortunately, the name 'Great Zaku' was taken by some dick named C. Aznable so he named it 'The Great Owl'.

[03:44:13] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: However, something made Jeffery worried. What was he to do when he destroyed the world? Sell the rocks on e-bay? Not only would there be no one to sell them too, his account only had a 99.8% approval rating, so it wasn't going to be easy, considerng the 'Giant Laser things which do damage or shit' came scratched to it's reciever, a Mr. C. Azbnable, in the mail.

[03:45:08] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So he decided to take over the world instead. Because y'know, he could drill for oil or re-run Friend's once he controlled the world.

[03:45:51] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: First, he decided to do it by stealth. But first he thought he'd best clone himself again because THIS COULD NOT GO WRONG LIKE THE LAST TIME AND WOULD BE TOTALLY OKAY AND NOT IN ANY WAY RISKY.

[03:45:56] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And then the clone killed him.

[04:26:41] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: The last thoughts in Jeffery's mind were 'Wow, still left the iron on. S**t.*

[04:27:58] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So as the third clone, named 'Sturm' just to troll everyone who'd tried Dual Strike, came to life, he thought on what he could do to take over the world. Nuclear Strikes? No, most were dead anyway.

[04:28:16] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: A massive army? It could work, but to do that alone would be too... sensible.

[04:28:42] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Trying to buy out the Fox News Network? Too costly, and dumb.

[04:29:01] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Kill everyone with flowers? F**K YESSSSSSSSS.

[04:29:57] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So thus begun the idea to create a virus using flowers. Unfortunately Ivy from Batman got too bitchy halfway through the iventing and quit, causing massive dickery for Sturm.

[04:30:42] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: But soon, it was ready. Ready to be unleashed on the world who you know, thought all flowers were gentle and that their was no such thing as flowers that killed humans.

[04:30:45] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: You know.

[04:30:56] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Something that would take everyone aback.

[04:31:01] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: You know.

[04:31:11] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: A sensible idea that wouldn't go wrong at all.

[04:31:14] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: You know.

[04:31:22] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And then he died.

[04:31:36] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: He thought 'Huh, that time, their was no clone.'

[04:31:47] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And then 'Shit, I still didn't turn the iron off.'

[04:33:15] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And finally, after writing his will, selling his car, selling his necklaces saying 'STURM-DIZZLE' and deciding to form a charity called 'The Sturm Foundation For Kids Who Get Named After Much Cooler Bosses Who Can Throw Meteors But Can't Themselves Throw Meteors and Who Also Have A Disease Or Something', he died.

[04:33:31] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: For a while, there was no one, because you know, no clones.

[04:35:00] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: But after a time, Master Asia and Domon Kasshu turned up and used the Sekiha Tenkyoken, resulting Asia's defeat, as well as the defeat of the Devil Gundam. No one noticed this because they were all busy watching Lost and wondering why they did in the first place.

[04:36:34] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: After a time though, Sturm ressurected himself, but lost all his memories, because he'd ressurected with the self-ressurecting ability of the DARK-GUNDAM and with the help of KYOJI except Kyoji wasn't actually called Kyoji, but here was known only as 'Gage'.

[04:37:37] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So, now calling himself Caulder, because he found his birth cetificate underneath a pile of mushrooms and some kind of carrot cake, he decided to resume his plan to control the world.

[04:38:13] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: And this the wheel of fate begins to turn, becuase if it spun, you're putting the accelerator on too fast and if it moved from side to side, you've not built a wheel but a slide whistle.

[04:40:31] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: The end comes and as the flowers grow, people wonder if the world is truly becoming a darker place. But our story does not end their. Because it begins with a -INSERT NAME OF MALE ANIME HERO HERE WHO MUST RISE TO THE OCASSION HERE- and a -INSERT RUINED LOCATION THAT WILL BE SCENE OF TUTORIAL FIGHT HERE- with a -INSERT VILLIAN WHO KINDA HAS A BACKSTORY BUT IS NOT CONTROLLABLE IN MULTI-CONTROLLABLE BATTLES ONLINE HERE- and a -INSERT ENEMY FORCE WITH A DARK COLOUR SCHEME 'CUS THEIR EVILLLLLLLLLLLL HERE-...

[04:41:09] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: The metor shower is over and yet soon... something else must fa.ll. And it won't be the iron.

[04:41:15] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: -End of prologue-

[NagafenOfIlivikitty]

The First Mission: Diary of a Manly Boy Called Wil

[04:49:45] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Dear Diary,

Today, I was off to my military training, after finishing going through Valkyria Chronicles without saves, cus I'm a man now, when I looked to the sky, and some meteors fall. Which sucked, because I hadn't brought my umbrella.

[04:51:35] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So I took refuge inside the only thing nearby that I believe could've withstood the strike of a meteor. An environment outside the game programming, which meant the meteors couldn't strike their. I could go there cus I'm a man now.

[04:53:48] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So I waited there for a while, until all the fire and screaming and explosions and fire cracker factories had finished doing their thing, then came out. Well, I say came out, this large metal thing some call 'metal' fell on me, so I got stuck for a while. I whiled away the time stuck doing the one thing I knew I could do for fun, which was try and remember why I'd become a soldier in the first place.

[04:55:06] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: -Editors Note: Normally we'd put a backstory here, but you know what? You can guess by now.-

[04:55:46] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So after I'd done that, diary, and I managed to escape, I found this bike and despite being the only one alive, my unit showed two people in the bike due to the animation constraints of the bike unit. But I digress.

[04:56:53] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So this guy turned up and he seemed shouty and stuff, and called himself the Beast, because IS likes to self-refTHIS SECTION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT BY INTELLIGENT STUDIOS. BUY OUR SHIT.

[04:58:27] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: After an exchange of words, I got pulled into an alternate dimension which looked like a tent and I talked to this woman called Lin, yes there was a woman called Lin and a man called the Beast in thiTHIS SECTION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT BY INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS. YOU KNOW OUR SHIT? YOU SHOULD BUY IT.

[04:59:54] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So, after that and feeling like I'd been trippng on drugs for a while, I finally emerged and then did my patented 'tutorial moves that are present in evey strategy game ever' and I did them because I'm a man now and don't need to be prompted.

[05:01:16] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: After that, the Beast got mad because I think he thought I stole his tacos but I didn't because they make me gassy, so I left after the lady called Lin and the manliest man in existance turned up called BRENNER UGH LOOK AT HIS CHIN, IT'S LIKE IT'S CHISELED OUR OF CONCRETE AND VANILLA ICE CREAM.

[05:03:06] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So I held back and watched BRENNER MY GOOD HIS MUSCLES ARE MADE OF TREE TRUNKS AND BITS OF JERKY in his tank go fight the beast. So the Beast was like 'Who the hell do you think I am? You think yoTHIS SECTION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT BY INTELLIGENT SYSTEMS. TRY FE10. IT'S OF MICE AND SHIT.

[05:03:54] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: After he beat the Beast, and the Beast was all like 'NEXT TIME MOTHERF***IN GADGET, NEXT TIME' he ran away.

[05:07:36] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So sometime later, he came to me BRENNER HIS VOICE NNNNNN IT'S LIKE A SOUND BOARD MADE OF STAINLESS STEEL AND A BOUNCY CASTLE and told me he was aiding others like me, trying to help me feel better about you know, the end of the world*

[05:07:57] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: *End of the World Variant 39575, Meteor Shower.

[05:09:06] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: So with the end of the world gotten over, because I'm a man now, I decided to join his rag tag group of mercenaries to become a man, because I'm a man now.

[05:10:15] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: This was the greatest day of my life, diary and that was just today. Oh, bar the meteors, that sucked too. They took our my favourite fire-cracker factory.

Love Will. XXX A man.

[05:11:43] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Lin's supplement:

I weep for our group. We've taken in a boy who makes the Beast look like a dignified member of society. And considering society just got blown up by meteors, that's not that far fetched.

[05:11:55] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Lin, Signing Off.

[05:12:22] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: Brenner's Log.

God, I love being me.

From, me. Yeah.

[05:12:31] Olivia 'Funbags' Noel Martin: -End of Chapter One or something-