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My Fire Emblem Fanfic: Wayward Son (COMPLETE)


Gunlord
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  • 4 weeks later...
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  • 2 months later...

Well, it's finally...not done, but halfway done. The first book of Wayward Son is finally 100% completed:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3133712/40/Wayward_Son

Writing this was...emotionally draining for me. But I just wanted to thank everybody on Serenes, from Vincent to Jyosua to Gin Devil to Volke to everybody--thank you, thank you, THANK YOU so much for all your support and EVERYTHING over the years. It has truly meant more to me than I can convey in words. Thank you so much!

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I must say GREAT WORK I LOVE THE STORY!!

I find your depiction of Renault realistic and events logical, especially with the reasoning you give.

If you ever want or need another beta just ask.

Also, will you write to FE7, or also what happens afterwards (Renault in FE6 settings, etc)?

Maybe you said earlier, but I missed it!

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Also upon reading the latest chapter about the 'new' way to store 'essence. I think if that works (I am guessing it will) than promotional items would also have 'essense and quite a bit. If they really have centuries work of information in them.

Dunno if that would even change storyline you have planned. Maybe giving Renault more things to seek out, via money or violence.

Interesting stuff. Wonder how Kushina comes into it all....

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  • 4 weeks later...

Alright, my friends, next chapter of WS:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3133712/1/Wayward-Son

Also have a sidestory up called the Last Red Shoulder, but be warned its a lil more mature, as in darker than the main story, so be careful of that--if you're interested, though, you can find it on my FFn profile :D

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  • 1 month later...

I'm not going to bother reading Wayward Son simply for the reason that it's too damn long, which I suppose will suffice for my commentary on that one. I have however been reading the first chapter of The Last Red Shoulder. So I'll pass a few words on that if you don't mind.

The first chapter has not particular enthalled me. In fact, I found it to be a bit of a bait and switch.

Most importantly, I found the chapter boring simply for the reason that nothing happens in it. That is, from a plot standpoint. Yes, it is being used the set up the actual story, but it's badly delivered. It feels like one giant infodump which could have just been skipped altogether from what I've read so far. It might not take the form of a massive piece of narrative exposition, but the entire chapter is just two characters talking about some historical event without anything of importance happening. I think a lot of it could have been cut out without any real loss to the story.

I think this could be improved if you played more heavily on the story within a story aspect, and had Roy and Elphin in the middle of something where learning the truth would actually be very important to them in that moment. Right now it just feels like it's happening just because.

On a more specific note, using the term "dark magic users" feels very unnatural to me. It's a very gameplay way of describing them if you know what I mean. I feel like something on the lines of "dark sorcerers" or "dark mages" would be a better term to use.

Also, for some reason you use an ellipsis in the narrative for no particular reason. I'm very much against using them outside of dialogue myself, but even so it just seems it was added randomly with no purpose or effect at all.

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Thanks for your compliments, Shiny, and thanks very much for your critique and suggestions, Shuuda! Hmm, I'll think about the story-within-a-story aspect. Do you think Roy and Elphin negotiating a treaty of some sort with the people of the Western Isles (In FE6, the ending states they become the Western Union)in which the history the story describes plays an important part would be an effective framing method? And er, just to be sure, by ellipsis you mean the "...," right? Or were you referring to something else? Cause it only shows up in the summary so far ^^;

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And er, just to be sure, by ellipsis you mean the "...," right? Or were you referring to something else?

The part I was referring to was in the ninth paragraph with the line; "The Bard smiled…then fulfilled his friend's request".

As for the "story in a story thing". The problem I have with all the exposition in the first chapter is the way it's all dumped in as one big block. Perhaps a good way of doing it would be to break down the scenes of Roy and Elphin and slot them in during the course of the story. So maybe, as the true history is revealled with can have some scenes with Roy's reaction and small snippets explaining how it contradicts his knowledge. Something like that might also help keep Roy's impression of the events more fresh in the minds of the readers. It also means the context of the story, being one of where Elphin is explaining the real events, has a great presence rather than just being cast aside.

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Ah, okay, thanks, I'll fix that then. And that's a good suggestion...I was actually thinking of doing that initially, so maybe it was a good idea after all...I'll see how I can fit it in with other chapters, if I can, after consulting with my other readers. Thanks again for your suggestions, Shuuda :D

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