Drabblematic

[Djing]

The Sour Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Sumia strode along the path, making for Tenacious Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Crunchy Bucket, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Pinky.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her crispy pot just in time to face the smooth man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck stealthily, and Sumia barely raised her pot to meet the attack. They fought long and loudly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Sumia found herself forced to one knee, the man's pot pressed to her boingy shoulder. "I am Gaius of Tenacious Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Crunchy Bucket. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you several light years away."

But Sumia had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her pot with a twist, overpowered Gaius and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Sumia said, looking down upon him.

Gaius's thigh shimmered like a sexual tyrannosaurus. "I have underestimated you, Sumia. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Sumia's desire was enflamed. Her shoulder throbbed and all her thoughts were to stomp Gaius like a pterodactyl. Sumia caressed Gaius's sweet thigh and he responded. They came together with great gusto, and their joining was as frothy as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet honeycomb!" Sumia groaned and stomped Gaius as boldly as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Sumia said. "That's where I put the Crunchy Bucket for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed passionately on the grass, forgetful of all but their flamboyant love. "We will stay together forever," Gaius said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Pinky never got the Crunchy Bucket and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Post your own!

http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

[Rainbow Skittles]

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Frederick and Chrom went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Frederick hit Chrom in his arm with a big BOGUS iceball. It hurt a lot, but Frederick kissed it foodily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really shitty snow man!" Frederick said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Chrom said. "That would be more weird and politically correct."

"I know," Frederick said. "We can make a snow dog. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up somethingily and made a delicous snow dog. Frederick put on an owain for the stomach. The dog was almost as big as Chrom.

"It looks magnetic," Frederick said rainbowily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Chrom said and held up a funny frederick's butt. "I found this on a thing." He put the frederick's butt onto the dog's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the dog, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a skittles rainbow.

Chrom screamed crappily and ran but the snow dog chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow dog punched him weirdly.

"Nobody does that to my little Awesome Sumia," Frederick screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow dog through the head. It fell down and Frederick kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Chrom said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The frederick's butt lay in the yard until a yummy child picked it up and took it home.

wtf did i just read... oh wait i wrote it (sort of)

[Carter]

Okay, I did not read mine yet, but I will once I post this.

And I could not think of any names, so I used Craig.

I Saw Craig Kissing Santa Claus

Gilda woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one only box that looked like a lemon.

Then Gilda noticed that Craig was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Gilda thought that she would surprise Craig. Maybe even sneak up behind him and punch him on his perky butt. That always made Craig dirty.

Gilda crept abnormally down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its jealous lights, and the presents, heaped up bitterly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Craig. Kissing someone.

Gilda was so angry, she picked up a egg from a table and threw it awkwardly at a glance.

They both looked around.

"Craig, you ugly Penguin!" Gilda yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Gilda looked and then rubbed her face and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Craig said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a perfect kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Gilda said randomly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be beautiful."

That seemed reasonable. Gilda went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, a laugh in the sea of sadness. He made Gilda's shoulder feel all illegal.

"You see?" Craig said unfortunately and Gilda saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

[Darros]

Fabulous Lang Syne

cHRONM sipped creepily at his drink and stood fabulous behind an umbrella. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel succulent and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how unfabulous his boob got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, cHRONM knew very well why he was at the party: to see SuMIa.

Ah, SuMIa. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her delicious butt made cHRONM's heart beat like a love song sung really out of key.

But tonight everyone was masked. cHRONM peered amazingly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was SuMIa. There, he thought, the woman over by the stalker, the RAINBOW one with the DA BEAR mask. It had to be SuMIa. No one else could look so creepy, even in a DA BEAR mask.

She began to walk cHRONM's way and cHRONM started to panic. What if she actually talked to cHRONM?

SuMIa came right up to cHRONM and cHRONM thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," SuMIa said dangly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the SWORD," cHRONM said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so smelly.

Just then, a moist voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

cHRONM's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that SuMIa might ...

"Happy New Year!"

SuMIa swept cHRONM into her arms, bent him on two rocks, and kissed cHRONM twitchily, slipping him the tongue and groping his hair.

cHRONM could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out giggly and pulled SuMIa's mask off her face. It was SuMIa! "I knew it was you," cHRONM said and took his own mask off.

"And it's ... you," SuMIa said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

cHRONM watched her go. She would be right back, cHRONM was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

[Carter]

Oh my god.

My story is so stupid. And perverted.

But, seriously. Mine's broken.

[Book of Ereshkigal]

Aside from doing a few of the words incorrectly...

I'm Dreaming Of A Disgusting Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Lucina sat slowly under the sea, sipping wretched eggnog.

She looked at the crappy rock hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Grima had hung it there, just before they looked at each other quickly and then fell into each other's arms and cried each other's wing.

If only I hadn't been so awesome, Lucina thought, pouring a beautiful amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Grima might not have got so evil and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a cool tear and held her eye in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a dark voice lifted slightly up in song.

I'm dreaming of a disgusting Christmas

Just Like a demon that casts darkness o'er all that the shadow of its mighty wings touches

Lucina ran to the door. It was Grima, looking shitty all over with snow.

"I missed you regretfully," Grima said. "And I wanted to cry in your wing again."

Lucina hugged Grima and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Grima said.

"I think so too," Lucina said and they cried in each other's wings until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted lizard butt and lived sexily until Lucina got drunk again.

[Tamanoir]

The Bat Prince

Tamanoir was walking through a stealthy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a naked little bat lying under a tree.

Tamanoir skipped over to see the dear thing and was blue to find that he was hurt! An eggplant had pierced his nonsensical little eye and he whimpered delicately with the pain.

"My shady little friend," Tamanoir said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the eggplant, as brutally as she could. The bat cried out and Tamanoir's heart ached, like a single needle on a pack of noodles.. "You'll be all right," Tamanoir whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Chrom and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Chrom up in her arms, Tamanoir carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Tamanoir nursed Chrom, cleaning his eye and feeding him Paro Paro-brand bat chow.

On the eighth night, Chrom climbed into bed with Tamanoir. He burrowed under the covers and abruptly danced around Tamanoir's nose. It made Tamanoir giggle and she cuddled close to Chrom, stroking his leg and singing voluptuously to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Tamanoir hurried home so she could curl up with Chrom. It gave her an inconscious feeling whenever Chrom danced around her nose.

Then one night, Chrom looked up at Tamanoir and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a fluffy prince."

Tamanoir screamed desperately, she was so surprised. How could a bat talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Chrom said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Tamanoir said and kissed Chrom on his leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a fluffy prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Chrom," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Tamanoir said.

"See?" Chrom said and showed Tamanoir the scar from the eggplant on his eye. Then he kissed Tamanoir and they tumbled over the rainbow and did a lot of very mesmerizing things, some of them involving a tantalizing banana.

"I love you," Chrom said when they were done. Tamanoir clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Chrom had stashed away.

And if Chrom didn't know about Tamanoir's visits to the bat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him

...Somehow, it makes a lot of sense, now.

[Breezy Kanzaki]

Ignore the typoes

An Amazing Day To Punch

Erica stepped Suddenly out into the bright sunshine, and admired Ichiro's leg. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a hard sight."

Ichiro climbed off the Dark and walked Slowly across the grass to greet his lover. Erica patted Ichiro on the eye and then tried to punch him Annoyingly, but without success.

"That's all right," Ichiro said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not quiet," Erica. "Not as quiet as the time we pucnhed in a fire."

Ichiro nodded Quickly. "We were loud back in those days."

"Our arms were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Erica said. "Everything seems clean and passionate when you're young."

"Of course," Ichiro said. "But now we're sad, we can still have fun. If we go about it Quietly."

"Quietly?" Erica said . "But how?"

"With this," Ichiro said and held out an annoying Light. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to punch."

Erica swallowed the Light at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to punch Quietly. They pucnhed Like a fish that has no water to swim in. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

this totally proves Erica/Ichiro is the only OTP. Props if you get the reference

[Tamanoir]

The Battle For The Blood

In a puddle of blood, Henry laughed with his blood. He had been busy with the blood for hours and now wanted nothing more than a disgusting cuddle or a dark massage from his lover Medea.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his bloody Medea appeared at the door, grinning happily.

"Put down the blood," Medea said hilariously. "Unless you want me to laugh with that blood on your toe."

Henry put down the blood. He was dead. He had never seen Medea so funny before and it made him evil.

Medea picked up the blood, then withdrew a Risen from her claw. "Don't be so dead," Medea said with a funny grimace. "A crow bit my eyelash this morning, and everything became dangerous. Now with this blood and this Risen I can hilariously rule the world!"

Henry clutched his hideous eyelash lively. This was his lover, his bloody Medea, now staring at him with a funny claw.

"Fight it!" Henry shouted. "The crow just wants the blood for his own bloody devices! He doesn't love you, not the disgusting way I do!"

Henry could see Medea trembling lively. Henry reached out his toe and touched Medea's claw hilariously. He was bloody, so bloody, but he knew only his hideous love for Medea would break the crow's spell.

Sure enough, Medea dropped the blood with a thunk. "Oh, Henry," she squealed. "I'm so disgusting, can you ever forgive me?"

But Henry had already moved in a puddle of blood. Like a lit candle in an abandoned puppet shop, he pressed his toe into Medea's claw. And as they fell together in a dangerous fit of love, the blood lay on the floor, evil and forgotten

Henry sure is a great lover...

Edited July 30, 2013 by SKITTLES

[Foxxie]

I got another Santa Claus one so instead of posting it word for word, as it wasn't too funny as a whole, I'll leave you with this gem.

"Severa, you righteous llama!"

[Ciarre]

Virion hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like the motherfucking king of games. He loathed it.

Every December, Virion would feel himself getting all overweight inside. He refused to put up a Christmas Volcarona, he snapped at anyone iridescent enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Virion had to go to the mall to buy a scintillating waifu. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing volcanariously around and so much Christmas music blaring anxiously, he thought his rock would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a calm woman collecting for charity. Virion never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the calm woman dropped his bells and ran down the dimension. There was an imperfect Volcarona right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the calm woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Virion rushed out and assuredly pushed them both out of the way. There was a rage bang and then everything went dark.

When Virion woke up, he was in a naughty room. There was a Christmas Volcarona in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Virion's magma hurt. A lot.

The calm woman came into the room. "I'm so boobs!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Volcano. You saved me from the truck. But your magma is broken."

Virion hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Volcarona up and his magma was broken, he felt quite sassy, especially when he looked at Volcano.

"Your magma must hurt already," Volcano said. "I think this will help." And she erupted Virion several times.

Now Virion felt very sassy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Volcano. "I love you," he said, and kissed Volcano brutally.

"I love you too," said Volcano. Just then, the Volcarona ran into the room and nuzzled Virion's eruption hole. "I brought him home with us," Volcano said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Virion said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

[Leinex]

I love Mad Libs. xD

The Battle For The Book

In the shadows, Ricken sung his book. He had been busy with the book for hours and now wanted nothing more than a sparkly cuddle or a bloody massage from his lover Olivia.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his huge Olivia appeared at the door, grinning sharply.

"Put down the book," Olivia said quickly. "Unless you want me to sing that book on your waist."

Ricken put down the book. He was difficult. He had never seen Olivia so lovely before and it made him fluffy.

Olivia picked up the book, then withdrew a ribbon from her hair. "Don't be so difficult," Olivia said with a lovely grimace. "A lynx bit my cheek this morning, and everything became sympathetic. Now with this book and this ribbon I can quickly rule the world!"

Ricken clutched his cute cheek gently. This was his lover, his huge Olivia, now staring at him with a lovely hair.

"Fight it!" Ricken shouted. "The lynx just wants the book for his own huge devices! He doesn't love you, not the sparkly way I do!"

Ricken could see Olivia trembling gently. Ricken reached out his waist and touched Olivia's hair quickly. He was huge, so huge, but he knew only his cute love for Olivia would break the lynx's spell.

Sure enough, Olivia dropped the book with a thunk. "Oh, Ricken," she squealed. "I'm so sparkly, can you ever forgive me?"

But Ricken had already moved in the shadows. Like a fish that can't swim, he pressed his waist into Olivia's hair. And as they fell together in a sympathetic fit of love, the book lay on the floor, fluffy and forgotten.

[Truxton]

The Righteous Terror Of The Snow

A StahlxFood Fanfiction

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Food and Stahl went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Food hit Stahl in his buttcheek with a big boisterous iceball. It hurt a lot, but Food kissed it eagerly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really bootylicious snow man!" Food said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Stahl said. "That would be more provocative and politically correct."

"I know," Food said. "We can make a snow COELACANTH. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up financially and made a saucy snow COELACANTH. Food put on a LARGER HAM for the bicep. The COELACANTH was almost as big as Stahl.

"It looks irresponsible," Food said provocatively. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Stahl said and held up a juicy LARGEST HAM. "I found this ON MY BUTT." He put the LARGEST HAM onto the COELACANTH's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the COELACANTH, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl LIKE TAKING A BIG DUMP.

Stahl screamed daintily and ran but the snow COELACANTH chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow COELACANTH touched him sexily.

"Nobody does that to my little Fergalicious LARGE HAM," Food screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow COELACANTH through the butt. It fell down and Food kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Stahl said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The LARGEST HAM lay in the yard until a coherent child picked it up and took it home.

-----

THAT'S IT

I'M DONE

100% DONE WITH ALL OF THIS

[Tomichael]

I just got a repeat of someone elses.

Here a few of the lines:

Ugly Lang Syne

"Hello," Anna said jaggedly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the crayon," Barnaby said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so gay.

...

Anna swept Barnaby into her arms, bent him for lack of, and kissed Barnaby drunkenly, slipping him the tongue and groping his foot.

Barnaby could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out hastily and pulled Anna's mask off her face. It was Anna! "I knew it was you," Barnaby said and took his own mask off.

Edited July 30, 2013 by Tomichael

[Rainbow Skittles]

mine was boring, so imma just post this

He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the shit, as sexily as he could. The sully cried out and chrom's heart ached, like a motherfucking rainbow.

wut

[LunaSaint]

The Adventure Of The Wyvern

Cherche and Kellam were out for an adorable Valentine's walk on Minerva's back. As they went, Kellam rested his hand on Cherche's back. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so invisible, Cherche was filled with ferocious dread.

"Do you suppose it's passionate here?" she asked playfully.

"You pink silly," Kellam said, tickling Cherche with his apron. "It's completely ghostly."

Just then, a horned Wyvern leapt out from behind a armour and tickled Kellam in the nose. "Aaargh!" Kellam screamed.

Things looked orange. But Cherche, although she was transcendant, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a lance and, as if they transcended the mortal plane, beat the Wyvern gracefully until it ran off. "That will teach you to tickle innocent people."

Then she clasped Kellam close. Kellam was bleeding meekly. "My darling," Cherche said, and pressed her lips to Kellam's leg.

"I love you," Kellam said eagerly, and expired in Cherche's arms.

Cherche never loved again.

[Djing]

The Battle For The Beef

Touching his monkey, Vaike spanked his beef. He had been busy with the beef for hours and now wanted nothing more than a sweaty cuddle or a flame-broiled massage from his lover Cordelia.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his righteous Cordelia appeared at the door, grinning passionately.

"Put down the beef," Cordelia said quickly. "Unless you want me to spank that beef on your tongue."

Vaike put down the beef. He was happy. He had never seen Cordelia so marvelous before and it made him angry.

Cordelia picked up the beef, then withdrew a girdle from her loins. "Don't be so happy," Cordelia said with a marvelous grimace. "A bison bit my fist this morning, and everything became godlike. Now with this beef and this girdle I can quickly rule the world!"

Vaike clutched his bright fist conspicuously. This was his lover, his righteous Cordelia, now staring at him with a marvelous loins.

"Fight it!" Vaike shouted. "The bison just wants the beef for his own righteous devices! He doesn't love you, not the sweaty way I do!"

Vaike could see Cordelia trembling conspicuously. Vaike reached out his tongue and touched Cordelia's loins quickly. He was righteous, so righteous, but he knew only his bright love for Cordelia would break the bison's spell.

Sure enough, Cordelia dropped the beef with a thunk. "Oh, Vaike," she squealed. "I'm so sweaty, can you ever forgive me?"

But Vaike had already moved touching his monkey. Like the German that tore off his Johnson, he pressed his tongue into Cordelia's loins. And as they fell together in a godlike fit of love, the beef lay on the floor, angry and forgotten.

Oh my.

[LunaSaint]

That Tharja/Vaike one is...

Gaius/Sumia in OP is best one still though. ♥

EDIT: Oh my, I think I just rolled jackpot on the RNG. This one makes far too much sense.

The Frog Princess

Tharja was walking through a shrill meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a tomboyish little frog lying under a tree.

Tharja skipped over to see the dear thing and was frilly to find that she was hurt! A hex had pierced her charming little boingy bits and she whimpered naughtily with the pain.

"My cursed little friend," Tharja said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the hex, as eerily as she could. The frog cried out and Tharja's heart ached, in a manner so legendary that the forever unborn Owain would be enthralled. "You'll be all right," Tharja whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Lissa and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Lissa up in her arms, Tharja carried her home and made a bed for her beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Tharja nursed Lissa, cleaning her boingy bits and feeding her Falchion-brand frog chow.

On the eighth night, Lissa climbed into bed with Tharja. She burrowed under the covers and soothingly hexed Tharja's birthmark. It made Tharja giggle and she cuddled close to Lissa, stroking her back and singing violently to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Tharja hurried home so she could curl up with Lissa. It gave her a creepy feeling whenever Lissa hexed her birthmark.

Then one night, Lissa looked up at Tharja and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a dark princess."

Tharja screamed cheekily, she was so surprised. How could a frog talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Lissa said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Tharja said and kissed Lissa on her back. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a dark princess! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Princess Lissa," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Tharja said.

"See?" Lissa said and showed Tharja the scar from the hex on her boingy bits. Then she kissed Tharja and they tumbled arena ferox and did a lot of very exalted things, some of them involving a majestic staff.

"I love you," Lissa said when they were done. Tharja clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Lissa had stashed away.

And if Lissa didn't know about Tharja's visits to the frog sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.

Edited July 30, 2013 by LunaSaint

[Tamanoir]

That Tharja/Vaike one is...

Gaius/Sumia in OP is best one still though. ♥

EDIT: Oh my, I think I just rolled jackpot on the RNG. This one makes far too much sense.

The Frog Princess

Tharja was walking through a shrill meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a tomboyish little frog lying under a tree.

Tharja skipped over to see the dear thing and was frilly to find that she was hurt! A hex had pierced her charming little boingy bits and she whimpered naughtily with the pain.

"My cursed little friend," Tharja said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the hex, as eerily as she could. The frog cried out and Tharja's heart ached, in a manner so legendary that the forever unborn Owain would be enthralled. "You'll be all right," Tharja whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Lissa and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Lissa up in her arms, Tharja carried her home and made a bed for her beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Tharja nursed Lissa, cleaning her boingy bits and feeding her Falchion-brand frog chow.

On the eighth night, Lissa climbed into bed with Tharja. She burrowed under the covers and soothingly hexed Tharja's birthmark. It made Tharja giggle and she cuddled close to Lissa, stroking her back and singing violently to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Tharja hurried home so she could curl up with Lissa. It gave her a creepy feeling whenever Lissa hexed her birthmark.

Then one night, Lissa looked up at Tharja and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a dark princess."

Tharja screamed cheekily, she was so surprised. How could a frog talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Lissa said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Tharja said and kissed Lissa on her back. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a dark princess! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Princess Lissa," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Tharja said.

"See?" Lissa said and showed Tharja the scar from the hex on her boingy bits. Then she kissed Tharja and they tumbled arena ferox and did a lot of very exalted things, some of them involving a majestic staff.

"I love you," Lissa said when they were done. Tharja clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Lissa had stashed away.

And if Lissa didn't know about Tharja's visits to the frog sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.

Made a version with Tharja and Nowi...

Let's just say that it involved a humongous blaster and live it at that.

So, here's another one :

1000 Blaster Dragons

Tharja paced passionately back and forth. Amazing dread filled her heart. Nowi should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my adorable love, Tharja thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Nowi had been taken hostage by Humongous Tooth, a supervillain who had the city in a state of cursed terror. Tharja fainted dead away, like a bear charmed by the devil.

When she came to, there was a bump on her wing and the amazing dread had returned. "Nowi, my excellent honey bunny," she cried out delicately. "What is Humongous Tooth doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing savagely as he flew her in the tongue.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tharja remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 blaster dragons, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Tharja ordered in a supply of blaster and set to work, folding dragons until her wing was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last dragon when Nowi walked in the front door.

"Nowi!" Tharja screamed and threw herself into Nowi's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 blaster dragons and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on her back. She kissed Nowi innocently on the tongue.

"Actually," Nowi said, pulling away sensually, "I was rescued by the Creepy Fire Breath. She's a new superhero in town." Nowi sighed. "And she's really perverted."

The amazing dread came back. "But you're cute to be back here with me, right?"

Nowi checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Creepy Fire Breath for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay fierce, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Tharja choked back a sob and started folding another dragon. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

...I feel so bad about myself now. Sorry.

Alternate Version :

1000 Glass Cannon Dragons

Tharja paced passionately back and forth. Cursed dread filled her heart. Nowi should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my fierce love, Tharja thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Nowi had been taken hostage by Adorable Tooth, a supervillain who had the city in a state of cute terror. Tharja fainted dead away, like a bear charmed by the devil.

When she came to, there was a bump on her wing and the cursed dread had returned. "Nowi, my humongous honey bunny," she cried out delicately. "What is Adorable Tooth doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing innocently as he flew her in the tongue.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tharja remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 glass cannon dragons, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Tharja ordered in a supply of glass cannon and set to work, folding dragons until her wing was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last dragon when Nowi walked in the front door.

"Nowi!" Tharja screamed and threw herself into Nowi's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 glass cannon dragons and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on her back. She kissed Nowi sensually on the tongue.

"Actually," Nowi said, pulling away savagely, "I was rescued by the Amazing Fire Breath. She's a new superhero in town." Nowi sighed. "And she's really excellent."

The cursed dread came back. "But you're perverted to be back here with me, right?"

Nowi checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Amazing Fire Breath for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay creepy, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Tharja choked back a sob and started folding another dragon. Then she went out and got drunk instead.

Other great lines : "If you kiss me, I'll become a cursed princess" "I was cursed. It's a long story"

"the chance of a glimpse of her fierce wing made Tharja's heart beat like a bear charmed by the devil."

"It had to be Nowi. No one else could look so creepy, even in a dragon mask."

Nad one last one, who finally doesn't looks too bad :

An Excellent Day To Fly

Tharja stepped innocently out into the fierce sunshine, and admired Nowi's tooth. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a humongous sight."

Nowi climbed off the fire breath and walked passionately across the grass to greet her lover. Tharja patted Nowi on the tongue and then tried to fly her sensually, but without success.

"That's all right," Nowi said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not cute," Tharja. "Not as cute as the time we flew on her back."

Nowi nodded savagely. "We were amazing back in those days."

"Our wings were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Tharja said. "Everything seems creepy and adorable when you're young."

"Of course," Nowi said. "But now we're perverted, we can still have fun. If we go about it delicately."

"Delicately?" Tharja said . "But how?"

"With this," Nowi said and held out a cursed glass cannon. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fly."

Tharja swallowed the glass cannon at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fly delicately. They flew like a bear charmed by the devil. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

Edited July 30, 2013 by SKITTLES

[Djing]

Last one I promise

Viciously Tripping

Maribelle tripped along saucily. She was on her way to meet her lover, Lon'qu, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a mule hopping along, carrying a potato in its mouth.

Maribelle was almost high off her ass when she came across a shiny cake, lying alone on a hard plate. "That must be a treat from my crispy bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked tasty, so she ate it.

It gave her the most disease ridden tingling sensation in her loins. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Lon'qu.

When Lon'qu came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Maribelle cried nimbly.

"Your chest! And your legs!" Lon'qu said. "They're wet! Can't you feel it?"

Maribelle felt her chest and her legs. They were indeed quite wet. "Oh, no!" Maribelle said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that shiny cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lon'qu said. "I got you a sword. It must have been that squishy man who lives nearby. He acts a little angrily, ever since he chewed a parasol."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Maribelle sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lon'qu said slowly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your chest is really fresh like that."

"Really?" Maribelle dried his tears. Maribelle kissed Lon'qu and it was an entirely sticky sensation, like a cantankerous mongoose fondling itself.

They spent the night having entirely sticky sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

[Tamanoir]

Unrelated, but I have to share these :
She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the world, as happily as she could
It gave her an innocent feeling whenever Drago Lemmington invented her heart.
Then he kissed Ace and they tumbled in the sky and did a lot of very burning things, some of them involving a friendly forest.

And a last one, really, I swear :


To Happily Invent

Ace and Drago Lemmington were celebrating a stealthy Valentine's Day together. Ace had cooked a surprised dinner and they ate in the sky by candlelight.

"My darling," Drago Lemmington said, stroking Ace's eye, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Ace. "It is but a dark token of my burning love."

Ace opened the box. Inside was a friendly infinity! She gazed at it impressively. Then she gazed at Drago Lemmington impressively. "It's amazing," Ace said. "Come here and let me invent you."

Just then, an elegant crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a fairy dreaming of airplanes. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a smart voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Drago Lemmington read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other passionately as the crone cackled some more. Ace's heart began to tremble. Then Drago Lemmington shrugged, pulled out a forest, and hit the crone on her wing. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Ace said and kissed Drago Lemmington freely. "This is an innocent Valentine's Day!"

They quickly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they invented each other all night long.

Ace is a fairy, btw

[Faye]

Oh my god. xD; I can't tell if this is better or worse than what I would consider "fanfiction". Oh my fucking god. xD; I cracked up so bad. Here is the best love story in the world.

The Battle For The Sword

A Maeve x Ricken Drabble

(Maeve is what I called My Unit)

By the sea, Maeve kissed her sword. She had been busy with the sword for hours and now wanted nothing more than a bashful cuddle or a sexy massage from her lover Ricken.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her short Ricken appeared at the door, grinning softly.

"Put down the sword," Ricken said endearingly. "Unless you want me to kiss that sword on your hand."

Maeve put down the sword. She was beautiful. She had never seen Ricken so dreamy before and it made her cute.

Ricken picked up the sword, then withdrew a tome from his arm. "Don't be so beautiful," Ricken said with a dreamy grimace. "A cat bit my nose this morning, and everything became soft. Now with this sword and this tome I can endearingly rule the world!"

Maeve clutched her pale nose exasperatedly. This was her lover, her short Ricken, now staring at her with a dreamy arm.

"Fight it!" Maeve shouted. "The cat just wants the sword for his own short devices! He doesn't love you, not the bashful way I do!"

Maeve could see Ricken trembling exasperatedly. Maeve reached out her hand and touched Ricken's arm endearingly. She was short, so short, but she knew only her pale love for Ricken would break the cat's spell.

Sure enough, Ricken dropped the sword with a thunk. "Oh, Maeve," he squealed. "I'm so bashful, can you ever forgive me?"

But Maeve had already moved by the sea. Like a mother lovingly embracing her child, she pressed her hand into Ricken's arm. And as they fell together in a soft fit of love, the sword lay on the floor, cute and forgotten.

[My Unit]

A Flaming Day To Eat

Chrom stepped horribly out into the Robin-Like sunshine, and admired Robin's liver. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a Shiny sight."

Robin climbed off the bomb and walked badly across the grass to greet her lover. Chrom patted Robin on the spleen and then tried to eat her happily, but without success.

"That's all right," Robin said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not Happy," Chrom. "Not as Happy as the time we ate in space."

Robin nodded slowly. "We were Hideous back in those days."

"Our stomachs were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Chrom said. "Everything seems Argillaceous and Chrom-Like when you're young."

"Of course," Robin said. "But now we're Ugly, we can still have fun. If we go about it terribly."

"Terribly?" Chrom said . "But how?"

"With this," Robin said and held out a Humoungous fire. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to eat."

Chrom swallowed the fire at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to eat terribly. They ate like wheatley when he was shot through a portal to the moon. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

[Laurent]

Here's what I got.

A Levin Sword In Time

On a colorful and glass morning, Anna sat on the table. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Money to love someone with an enterprising hand?

Improbably, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a fascinating boiling Silver Card, all on a summer's day. I wish my Money would sell me, in his own ingenious way..."

"Do you?" Money sat down beside Anna and put his hand on Anna's elbow. "I think that could be arranged."

Anna gasped quickly. "But what about my enterprising hand?"

"I like it," Money said carefully. "I think it's shiny."

They came together and their kiss was like the dark entrails of an entombed.

"I love you," Anna said slyly.

"I love you too," Money replied and sold her.

They bought a risen, moved in together, and lived haltingly ever after.

[Faye]

I couldn't resist doing one more. 8D;

The Small Stranger

A Diarmait x Lucina Drabble

(Diamait is my other My Unit)

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Diarmait strode along the path, making for Pink Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Blue Thoron, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Chest.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his red Ruin just in time to face the young woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck painfully, and Diarmait barely raised his Ruin to meet the attack. They fought long and quietly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Diarmait found himself forced to one knee, the woman's Ruin pressed to his pretty face. "I am Lucina of Pink Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Blue Thoron. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you by the seaside cliff."

But Diarmait had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his Ruin with a twist, overpowered Lucina and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Diarmait said, looking down upon her.

Lucina's arm shimmered like the first day of spring, full of warmth and love,. "I have underestimated you, Diarmait. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Diarmait's desire was enflamed. His face throbbed and all his thoughts were to hug Lucina like a kitten. Diarmait caressed Lucina's cute arm and she responded. They came together longingly, and their joining was as white as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet Falchion!" Diarmait groaned and hugged Lucina as excitedly as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Diarmait said. "That's where I put the Blue Thoron for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed hurriedly on the grass, forgetful of all but their red love. "We will stay together forever," Lucina said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Chest never got the Blue Thoron and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Oh my god, what the actual fuck. xD That is hysterical!