A very worried older brother...

[Edith]

Ever since February...or I guess it's been longer than that...I've noticed some changes in my younger sister. She went from this positve, excited 15-year-old girl to a cynical, quite morbied-minded person. I always thought it was because she's always around our older sister, who is pretty much the same way, or if it was just a phase. Well, she told me earlier this year about how she was depressed, no one at school liked her, her friends were always fake to her, and she just wanted to die. She's also self-harmed a couple times. We had a heart-to-heart conversation, and afterwards I thought she was fine now. Fast forward a few months later: she's always negative, complains that her life sucks, she hates everyone, etc. She also listens to these metal bands, which I don't think is much of a problem, but some of the lyrics are very dark and she feels like she can relate to it. I've questioned her about this, and she says that everything is fine and the depressed part of her life was over, but I know she isn't telling me everything. It seems I'm the only one who recognizes this because I went to our parents about it, but they say that she's always so energetic and doesn't seem depressed at all. It's making me mad that they're not worrying their asses off 24/7 like I am, and I'm also mad at my sister because she's been putting me through so much stress and she doesn't even know it. I've battled depression before and I know what it's like to be suicidal and not wanting everyone to worry about you, but when you see it happening to your little sister, it's just...a bunch of different emotions at once. My sister has muscular dystrophy and I've always done what I could to help and protect her, but I can't protect her from herself. My school is leaving for a retreat this afternoon, so I can't stay at home to be with her, but I'm definitely going to my parents about this before I leave. What I want to know is...have any of you ever went through this with your sibling? And did it ever get better? What would you do for them when they don't even want to open up to you? Nine hours ago, she posted on her tumblr that she wanted to kill herself, so I don't have much time left. I've kept my worries bottled up for so long, it's making me sick...I just don't want to lose my younger sister. She's pretty much the only friend I have. I'm sorry if this post really has no point to it, I just needed to vent and no one else will listen to me. Call me overprotective or an invader of privacy...but I just want to help my sister. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

[cyron]

I would say your concerns are likely well founded and that you should talk to her, and definitely ask her about that post and possibly skip the retreat.

[Edith]

I would say your concerns are likely well founded and that you should talk to her, and definitely ask her about that post and possibly skip the retreat.

I would like to skip the retreat, however it is mandatory for my class :/ As for talking to her, she always gives me an excuse as to why she posted what she did. "Oh, I was just feeling really down, but I'm better now." or "Why were you looking at my profile in the first place?"

[cyron]

I would like to skip the retreat, however it is mandatory for my class :/ As for talking to her, she always gives me an excuse as to why she posted what she did. "Oh, I was just feeling really down, but I'm better now." or "Why were you looking at my profile in the first place?"

If she tries using the 1st one, I would say "about what" and if its the 2nd one the answer is "I'm your brother" now answer the question.

also don't just say "i'm your brother", maybe something like "i'm your brother and i love you"

[Edith]

If she tries using the 1st one, I would say "about what" and if its the 2nd one the answer is "I'm your brother" now answer the question.

also don't just say "i'm your brother", maybe something like "i'm your brother and i love you"

Thank you...that helps a lot...

[cyron]

Thank you...that helps a lot...

your welcome hope things turn out ok for you.

[Anacybele]

I have a good friend that's really good at helping depressed people, but unfortunately, his parents are idiots that won't let him talk to any girls that are under 18. >_>

I've gone through depression too and you're right, it's not fun at all. Your sister needs serious help and it's a shame that your parents are ignoring this. You just need to keep talking to her and trying to convince her that there are still people that care for her and that keeping her problems bottled up won't make her feel any better. She should go see a counselor or therapist or something like that. Try to convince her to do so and definitely try to get your parents to do something.

[FrostyFireMage]

Ever since February...or I guess it's been longer than that...I've noticed some changes in my younger sister. She went from this positve, excited 15-year-old girl to a cynical, quite morbied-minded person. I always thought it was because she's always around our older sister, who is pretty much the same way, or if it was just a phase. Well, she told me earlier this year about how she was depressed, no one at school liked her, her friends were always fake to her, and she just wanted to die. She's also self-harmed a couple times. We had a heart-to-heart conversation, and afterwards I thought she was fine now. Fast forward a few months later: she's always negative, complains that her life sucks, she hates everyone, etc. She also listens to these metal bands, which I don't think is much of a problem, but some of the lyrics are very dark and she feels like she can relate to it. I've questioned her about this, and she says that everything is fine and the depressed part of her life was over, but I know she isn't telling me everything. It seems I'm the only one who recognizes this because I went to our parents about it, but they say that she's always so energetic and doesn't seem depressed at all. It's making me mad that they're not worrying their asses off 24/7 like I am, and I'm also mad at my sister because she's been putting me through so much stress and she doesn't even know it. I've battled depression before and I know what it's like to be suicidal and not wanting everyone to worry about you, but when you see it happening to your little sister, it's just...a bunch of different emotions at once. My sister has muscular dystrophy and I've always done what I could to help and protect her, but I can't protect her from herself. My school is leaving for a retreat this afternoon, so I can't stay at home to be with her, but I'm definitely going to my parents about this before I leave. What I want to know is...have any of you ever went through this with your sibling? And did it ever get better? What would you do for them when they don't even want to open up to you? Nine hours ago, she posted on her tumblr that she wanted to kill herself, so I don't have much time left. I've kept my worries bottled up for so long, it's making me sick...I just don't want to lose my younger sister. She's pretty much the only friend I have. I'm sorry if this post really has no point to it, I just needed to vent and no one else will listen to me. Call me overprotective or an invader of privacy...but I just want to help my sister. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

Holy wall of text, Batman.

Anyway, have you thought about getting your sister counselling? Is there a counsellor at your school?

[Edith]

I have a good friend that's really good at helping depressed people, but unfortunately, his parents are idiots that won't let him talk to any girls that are under 18. >_>

I've gone through depression too and you're right, it's not fun at all. Your sister needs serious help and it's a shame that your parents are ignoring this. You just need to keep talking to her and trying to convince her that there are still people that care for her and that keeping her problems bottled up won't make her feel any better. She should go see a counselor or therapist or something like that. Try to convince her to do so and definitely try to get your parents to do something.

Thank you. I think we may be beyond talking because everytime I bring it up, she gets real annoyed with me, and says that it's her life and to leave her alone.

Holy wall of text, Batman.

Anyway, have you thought about getting your sister counselling? Is there a counsellor at your school?

Yeah, it's long xD We do have counselling at school, but she refuses to see them because she thinks they don't help.

[HK Motendra]

You are a good older brother for keeping an eye on her, and help is definitely what you should look for, if you are the only one who appears to care about her well being. I'd second everything Wintersmith just said,but if she really is trying to distance herself from you, try talking to the people that she's close to, to maybe gain some info on her status that she might not be telling you. That and try to spend extra time with her, so that she knows that she's not alone. And like Ana said, counseling and/or therapy could help as well

[Anacybele]

You're welcome. :)

And also, she should know that hiding her problems won't help either. People always find that when they finally come out and say something about their problems, things only get so much better. I did when I was depressed, and I recovered.

[Chiki]

You need to get your parents to agree to make her see a counselor. Maybe tell them she self-harmed? Show them what she said on tumblr?

Edited September 15, 2013 by Celes

[Gemma]

Both you and especially your sister have my offering of prayer and fasting, my friend.

I admire the love you have for your sister. Maybe, if you show her the true meaning of that love, things will get better for her.

[Phoenix Wright]

Chiming in with Eclispe's usual advice, I'd suggest having her see a therapist ASAP.

[Hash Jar]

From personal experience, I don't think the way she is acting is random. Something must have happened :( She needs to talk to someone. I would be worried, too.

[Chiki]

It's worth noting that while counselors do work for some people, they don't work for a lot of people and oftentimes they just like to waste people's times for money. This was discussed my intro psych class, and even the professor agreed.

[cyron]

also have you mentioned the self harming to your parents and also the suicidal post? since i think that would be enough to get your parents to realize this is an issue and that your sister does have some sort of issue

[Alfred Kamon]

And before visiting the counselor, another heart-to-heart talk will help a lot. Especially if she said 12 hours ago that she wanted to kill herself.

The problems now are 2:

a) You're short on time and you can't wait for her to go to a counselor

b) In any case, she probably won't agree to go to the counselor in the actual matter of facts.

At worst, seeing that her family "sees her like someone with problems who needs an external aid" might worsen her condition. She'd feel inadeguate and this wouldn't help her depression at all. So, first of all, go and have a proper talk with her. Then tell her that you and your family will try in any way to help her out, even with a counselor. But don't suggest her to go to a therapist out of the blue, it's a bad idea, trust me.

[Edith]

All such great suggestions, everyone. Thank you truly. I wrote my sister an encouraging note before I left my house and will give my parents the same advice you gave me. Again, thank you so much for your help. It did a lot to ease my worry.

[Inactive Account404]

Has your sister said why she feels like no one likes her? I don't know exactly what your sister is going through, but maybe she is feeling angry about her disability. I have cerebral palsy (and have struggled with depression as well) , and sometimes worry about the future (living on my own, finding a job, etc). Maybe your sister is going through the same thing, and feels like there is no hope for her future. One thing that might help her, is to find a hobby she enjoys. Anything that would take her mind off what she can't do and focus on what she can do.

Or maybe someone at school is bullying her?

The best thing you can do, is to keep talking to her, and letting her know how much you love her.

[deleted35362]

i've never been in this situation because i don't like my family, but...like okay, you can't just assume that she just jumped into this change by influence or something. i'm almost certain that when she was this positve, excited 15-year-old girl that she was repressing these feelings. i mean i feel like a lot of people gather the misconception that teenagers like to suddenly snap but no, they don't do that.

okay now because this is a maybe, you have to ask her about it. ask her when she started thinking this way, and if her response digs in to the time period where she was "happy", then yeah. she was concealing it. if anything, it's more worth worrying about someone who's concealing it than someone who's expressing it.

[Camilla]

Sounds a quite a bit like me in my early/mid teenage years.

In my experience, therapists are full of hogwash and a waste of time and money. I tried that route multiple times with multiple different therapists. I honestly wish I never saw a therapist in the first place, so I'd personally suggest against seeking professional help. I'll never get over my therapist resentment for how much worse they all made things, so I'd hate to see another person end up in the same boat that I was in.

Honestly, listening to people tell you things will get better or having strangers listen to your problems will do little to nothing for someone who is really unhappy.

When I was in that stage, what would have made me feel better would have been having someone close I could talk to that would keep what I said strictly between us and also not try to force me into anything or overreact. She might be pushing you away because, no offense, but you have overreaction written all over you. I know that it's serious to harm yourself, and I also know it's because you care, but you have to try to understand how she feels and not get so stressy or you'll just push her away even more.

I'd also suggest having her get rid of the fake friends. I too had fake friends when I was around her age, that stole from my house and used me quite often, and I felt a bit better when I finally cut my ties with them. She probably only puts up with them because she thinks it's better than being alone, but it really isn't.

Sadly, it probably won't stop until she matures and comes to terms with things on her own. That's what happened with me, anyways. I got over it on my own when I was ready and not with the help of forced help. You can be supportive and helpful, though, by just letting her know you're there if she needs you and make it clear that whatever she tells you will stay strictly between you two (so I suggest not going to your parents about it). You can't force her to come to you right away, though, so you have to be patient with it. I'd only suggest stepping in forcefully if she actually was trying to make a serious suicide attempt or resorting to something bad like drugs.

[Phoenix Wright]

It's worth noting that while counselors do work for some people, they don't work for a lot of people and oftentimes they just like to waste people's times for money. This was discussed my intro psych class, and even the professor agreed.

Sounds a quite a bit like me in my early/mid teenage years.

In my experience, therapists are full of hogwash and a waste of time and money. I tried that route multiple times with multiple different therapists. I honestly wish I never saw a therapist in the first place, so I'd personally suggest against seeking professional help. I'll never get over my therapist resentment for how much worse they all made things, so I'd hate to see another person end up in the same boat that I was in.

>Implying a good majority of therapists are crap and aren't worth it.

Everywhere one goes, if there's a service being payed for, people in that industry will try their hardest to take advantage of people and squeeze out as much money as possible. It's cruel, but it happens everywhere.

She might be pushing you away because, no offense, but you have overreaction written all over you. I know that it's serious to harm yourself, and I also know it's because you care, but you have to try to understand how she feels and not get so stressy or you'll just push her away even more.

Overreaction? It's possible he's simply reacting in a way that makes her want to push him away, but in no way is he overreacting. This is his sister, his family and closest friend (according to him), threatening on multiple occasions to kill herself.

Sadly, it probably won't stop until she matures and comes to terms with things on her own. That's what happened with me, anyways. I got over it on my own when I was ready and not with the help of forced help.

Sadly, sometimes people don't come to that until it's too late.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Phoenix Wright

[Edith]

I am a bit of an overreactor, and when she first told me that she harmed herself, it took every ounce of my being not to react. Since then I've been keeping my anxiety in check so as not to freak her out as well. I'm probably this way because my cousin committed suicide last year, without warning, yet all the signs of his depression were there and I failed to see them.

As for when she started feeling this way, she said that she started questioning whether life is worth living sometime in the middle of high school (she was a freshman at the time). She's well...very good at hiding it.

Edited September 15, 2013 by Edith

[Anacybele]

Or maybe someone at school is bullying her?

This is definitely a possibility you should consider. Bullying is probably the most common and most well-known reason for depression. I should know, it was the main reason for my own.