Vick's Saga: A Fire Emblem run

[Squidmark Iggy]

Hello there! I'm Mr. Iggy Koopa, and I'm going to do a Lyn Normal Mode-Eliwood Normal Mode run of Fire Emblem! Why? Because I'm using a clean rom, and because I've never finished Fire Emblem, so it will be a bit of a blindish run.

However, I hope you enjoy this run, and have a fun time reading it.

[spoiler=Prologue: A Girl from the Plains and the son of a God.]Anna: Good morning, Vick. Happy birthday!

Vick: Thanks, mom. You know, I find it weird that I'm your son, and you, the Random Number Goddess are my mother. It's... Awkward, if I do say so myself.

Anna: Oh, shush dear, it's fine. By the way, I guess you know that now that you're 16 years old, you can either--

Vick: Explore the world you control with your powers, or remain here until I die. Yeah, I know about that. And I'd like to see this world.

Anna: Oh, really? Well, in that case you'd better be prepared: This world is filled with war! ...But I think you will survive. Probably because you're my son!

Vick: ...You always have to pull out the war topic, right?

Anna: Well, I AM specialized in war: I can decide if they hit, they miss, or if they can make a Critical Hit.

Vick: Fine, fine. I get it. Just send me into this world.

Anna: Oh, my! We're impatient, aren't we? Alright, here we go! But first... I'll have to give you all of the... tacticalness a War Tactician needs.

Vick: "Tacticalness?" Jeez mom, you always have to invent new words every two minutes?

Anna: There we go! Now you are a fully fledged War Tactician, ready to challenge what this world's numerous wars!

Vick: Yes, but--

Anna: No buts! Now go!

Vick: I was just saying th--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *falls*

Anna: BEST OF LUCK, DEAR! WATCH OUT WHEN YOU LAND!

*Later...*

Vick: Ugh... My back... It hurts... Like a huge-ass rock came rolling back and forth behind me...

Oh! You're awake, then! And I thought you were in a coma of some sorts... Hell, even dead!

Vick: EYAGH! Who the hell are you?!

I would say the same thing about you. anyways, my name is Lyn. I'm from the Lorca tribe. Now that you know me, what about you? You don't seem that you're from these parts, and that brand on your hand makes me think you have a certain bond with the gods...

Vick: Well, I'm Vick. My brand on this hand? It's just a little thing that recognises me as the Random Number Goddess Anna's son. Anyways, where the hell am I?

Lyn: Well then, you're in Sacae, a place well known for the plains, the tribes... and the nomads. Especially the nomads.

Vick: Okay then... Got it. Say, I saw some dudes outta here, they looked very beefy, and they have axes. Are they your friends?

Lyn: Hmm... Beefy... Axes... Eyup, they must be Bandits, that's for sure.

Vick: Oh, I see... Because I saw one of them doing some weird-ass dance in front of a house... or tent. I dunno.

Lyn: Oh, really? That's fantastic! I'm gonna chug up a sword on that son of a bitch.

Vick: Damn girl, you sure? Wait, they're brigands. They have axes. And you have a sword. Swords beat Axes. Eyup, you can kick their butts.

Lyn: Wait, you don't fight?

Vick: Of course not! I'm Your Average War Tactician Bro! You know, the one that can guide your army and that shiz?

Lyn: Oh. Okay then. Better than nothing, I suppose.

Vick: Anyways... About these Bandicks, you... should just stab 'em, avoid their hits and kick that dude on the door's ass. Got it?

Lyn: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *Runs for the Brigand*

Vick... I think I'll count that as a yes.

Batta: Who the hell are you? You think you're the best like no one ever was? Well too bad, because I'm the best like no one ever was! I'm the Lime Knight himself, the one and only, the amazing... BATTA THE BEAST!!!

Lyn: Too bad you're kinda dead. So is your friend.

Batta: *gasps* You killed Johnny?! HOW COULD YOU?! HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER!

Lyn: Shut the hell up, you're dead now.

Vick: Yeah, obey the green lady. She killed you.

Batta: Avenge me, Johnny...

Both Vick and Lyn: HE'S DEAD, YOU DUMBASS!

*Later, that day...*

Vick: ...And then, when that guy missed with a 99% hit, you know what happened to the other guy?

Lyn: Nope! What happened?

Vick: He hit with a 1% hit, and he critted too, killing the other guy!

Lyn: *laughs* Really? That must be some bad luck for that other guy!

Vick: You're joking, right? That was ridiculous when I saw it with my eyes! Now here I am, telling this story to you. Anyways, how about we make a journey where we discover you're a noble and you have an evil uncle that wants to get the throne?

Lyn: As stupid as that sounds, why not?

Vick: Good! Because you're kinda forced, too.

Lyn: ...

And we're done! If you wonder what levelup Lyn got, she got HP/Str/Skill/Spd/Lck. A good level in my book!

Anyways, that's the end of the chapter, I hope you enjoyed!

Edited June 16, 2014 by Mr. Iggy Koopa

[Squidmark Iggy]

Hello there! Iggy here, this time, going to do Chapter 1!

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Duty and Sex]Vick: Yaaawn... Morning, everybo--AAAAAAH!

Lyn: Morning, Vick. Why do you look like a puppet?

Vick: Why do you look so calm about this situation? I LOOK LIKE A PUPPET SEEKING FOR THE CHILD THAT TOSSED IT IN THE DUMPSTER!

Lyn: Probably because I don't care if you look like a puppet, human, or whatever the hell you can turn into.

Anna: Goood morning everybody!

Vick: MOM! I look like a puppet! Why do I look like a puppet?!

Anna: Guess you touched your cute brand, didn't you?

Vick: ...Please tell me that she didn't messed with me while preparing me for this journey...

Anna: Hey, I can hear you, you know? and the answer is yes! But I did it for my own amusement! Don't you care about me, your own mother's amusement? besides, you look adorable! *Pulls out mirror*

Vick: I kinda question your definition of "Adorable"...

Anna: Nonsense!

Anna: Alright dear, you should go and do that journey you and your girlfriend planned to do.

Lyn: You gotta be shitting me, I only know your son for about one day, and you say I'm his GIRLFRIEND?!

Vick: That's my mom to you.

Anna: Exactly! By the way, if you want to return as a human, touch the number on your brand that looks like a B.

Vick: And by that, you mean "Press 3." Right?

Anna: My, what a smart child I have! You're right! Oh well, better get out of here. See you next time!

Lyn: ...Your mother is weird.

Vick: And trust me, this is not going to be the only time she's gonna do something like this.

Lyn: Oh, in that case... Better brace myself for the future.

Vick: ...Aaaanyways, where should we go now?

Lyn: We should go where a Sacean dosen't know where to go! To Bulgar!

Vick: I see... TO THE VICKMOBILE!

Lyn: We don't have a Vickmobile.

Anna: I can help you! *Creates a Vickmobile*

Vick: Thanks, Mom! Were you saying something, Lyn?

Lyn: ...TO THE VICKMOBILE!

*Cue epic theme*

Lyn: WOO! That was amazing! Should we try and do it again?

Vick: Hold on, we got two idiots coming.

Lyn: And?

Vick: They ride a horse.

Lyn: ...Oh. And?

Vick: Horses are dumb.

Lyn: But what if we have someone with a horse, should you use him?

Vick: Hell yeah I would! I just say that horses are dumb and that they do stupid things most of the times, but goddamit are they useful as heck.

Lyn: Okay then, let's move. We gotta do SHOPPING!

Vick: You little shit.

WAIT!!!

Lyn: What in the fuck?

I will help you shopping!

Vick: ...And?

Y-you don't want a help from a man with sexy looks, sexy biceps, and most importantly, with the name of SEX PANTHER?

Lyn: ...Should I give a fuck?

Sain! What are you doing, hitting on women again?

Sain: Of course! And what are YOU doing Kent, wandering on random places again, hmm?

Kent: I'm trying to search for the person we're trying to find! But you, you always have to mess up everything by trying to hit on women! And what do you get? NOTHING!

Lyn and Vick: OH SNAP!

Sain: Wanna do a food fight?

Kent: Do we really have to?

Vick: Lyn, grab the popcorn, we got ourselves a food fight!

Zugu: Can I join in? Can I tap dat gurl's ass?

Everyone: ...

Zugu: What? Did I said something wrong?

Vick: Now everyone, stay calm, draw your food, aim it at that Brigand, and FUCK 'EM ALL!

Sain: SEX SMAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!

Generic Brigand: Nope. *Dodges*

Sain: Dammit! Why I missed with an 87, of all numbers?

Vick: *Looks at Anna* Mom, don't troll new people right off the bat, please...

Anna: I Didn't do it! I swear I did not do it!

Vick: Not sure if lying, or just trolling.

Kent: LEROOOOOOOOOY!!!!!!

Generic Brigand: Whoops, I died.

Lyn: 'Kay, it's my turn to do some awesome battle cry. Hmm... Lemme think... Oh! I got it! LYNROOOOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!!

Kent: HEY! You copycat!

Lyn: Deal with it.

Zugu: I can still join the food fight with you knights, right?

Kent: NO!

Zugu: But why?

Kent: Because we're not Knights: we're CAVALIERS!

Zugu: Oh... fuck.

Kent: Aww yeah! I killed the brigand! Time to do my epic victory dance!

Sain: But Kent! You don't even have a victory dance!

Kent: Shaddap before I stab you.

Vick: Alright, no one stabs no one. Why? Because I say so. And by the way, who the fuck are you people?

Sain: I'm Sain! This is Kent! We're cavaliers! And we just helped you defeating these bandits!

Sain's horse: Neigh! I'm the best horse ever!

Kent's horse: Neigh! What the fuck you mean, you didn't do anything the moment we were fighting!

Sain's horse: Neigh! Why don't you come at me, bro!

Kent's horse: Neigh! Why don't YOU come at me, bro! I dare you!

Sain's horse: Neigh! And I double dare you!

Kent: ...And these are our horses. As you can see, they won't stop bickering,

Sain: Kent! This lady...! She's the one we're finding!

Kent: ...You're shitting me, aren't you?

Sain: You know what this means, right? It means that I won the bet and that you owe me 5000 pieces of gold!

Kent:...FUCK.

And we're done! By the way, Kent leveled up. HP/Str/Skl/Spd/Def/Res. Excellent level up for his part!

[Squidmark Iggy]

And now, it's time to continue Vick's journey!

[spoiler=Chapter 2: WANTED: Lady Sword]

Kent: I STILL cannot belive I lost a bet to this guy over here!

Sain: Oh come on! Think about the positive things! Like... Cookies! And cake! They solve everything!

Lyn: Suuure... Anyways, Vick! Where are we headed?

Vick: I dunno, my mom should be here at any moment...

Anna: Called me?

Vick: And there she is.

Sain: My my! You are one beautiful lady, I must say! Such dazzliness is allowed by only the ladies like you, dear Anna!

Anna: Why thank you, I'm flattered! And guess what, I'll give you a little present: Something you'll never forget!

Sain: (Oh, please let it be a kiss. Even on the cheek, I don't care!)

Anna: TA-DAA! *Zaps Sain with a lightning bolt*

Sain: YEEEEOW! I... I never thought a goddess' kiss was THIS shocking!

Kent: That wasn't a kiss. She zapped you.

Anna: Oooh, Captain Obvious strikes again!

Kent: Please, I also had other nicknames, such as: Mr. Serious, Dutyman...

Anna: Doodieman? Pfft... Hahahah!

Kent: Lady, you're wrong--

Anna: What, that your name isn't Doodieman? Please. I'll give you a present, since you made laugh so much!

Kent: Err... Okay!

Anna: Ready? 1, 2, 3... And enjoy your present!

Kent: ...I don't feel anything different.

Anna: Look at the mirror...

Kent: Okay then-- WHAT THE HELL?! WHY IS MY HEAD A TURD?!

Sain: *laughs hysterically* Doodieman at its finest!

Lyn: *giggles* Guess we got a Doodie... man.

Vick: Oh dear. Mom strikes again... With Doodieman.

Kent: SHUT UP! MY NAME IS NOT DOODIEMAN!

Anna: Oh, really? Well, you know I'm a god, right? I can change your name from Kent to Doodieman in a split second...

Kent: You wouldn't dare...

Anna: I could, but I'm VERY tempted... Hmm... Should I? Or shouldn't I? Oh heck, of course I'll change your name to Doodieman!

Doodieman: ...I hate you.

Anna: Oh come on, no need to be mad at me! Besides, we've got some bad guys to defeat!

Vick: Brigands?

Anna: And a Mercenary!

Lyn: This will be fun.

*Warp to place where bad guys are*

Glass: Ha ha! I am AWESOME!!!

Vick: A guy thinks he's awesome. Shall we let him think otherwise?

Lyn: ...Oh crud. It's him.

Vick: Is he someone you know?

Lyn: His name's Glass... He's also known as the Laughingstock of Sacae. We had a relationship.

Vick: Did you break up?

Lyn: Eyup. I didn't knew he was a moron. I learnt that the hard way.

Glass: HI LYN! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU!

Lyn: ...Shit.

Vick: What's the matter? Afraid of fighting your ex?

Lyn: Nope, he noticed me. He also shouted that he's doing this for me.

Vick: And?

Lyn: I think he wants us to return as a couple.

Vick: ...You want him dead, though. Right?

Lyn: Yes. Now.

Vick: None sparred?

Lyn: NONE. NOT EVEN THEIR TESTICLES.

Vick: You heard her. Go and kick ass.

Doodieman: Guess that's the only thing I must do. (Why I must be called Doodieman?)

Sain: Kill Lady Lyndis' ex boyfriend? Why not! I need some training, too!

Glass: Who are you people? I'm trying to impress my girlie Lyn!

Lyn: ...*eye twitches* K-Kill him now...

Sain: Sure will! *Stabs him with lance*

Glass: Bye, Lyn! See you in heaven! Or hell! Whichever you prefer!

Lyn: I just wanna be away from you. Because you're really a moron.

Vick: Hey, he's dead! Want this awesome sword made for ladies only?

Lyn: Lady Sword? Count me in!

Anna: Hello there! It seems you found the Mani Katti, Sacae's sacred blade! ...Or whatever.

Lyn: Yup!

Vick: Seems you're satisfied. Anyways, apparently we have to fight even more bandits in the future! Joy!

Anna: But you get a new person! Aren't you happy with that?

Vick: ...I guess so.

Anna: Good! How about we call it a day?

Vick: Sure! It's not that I'm gonna do anything other than get more praise!

Sain: Uhh... Vick? Nobody is praising you at the moment.

Lyn: LADY SWORD! :D

Doodieman: I hate my name...

Vick: Eh, I don't give a shit.

And done!

And here are everyone's stats:

LV|HP|S/M|SKL|SPD|LCK|DEF|RES

LADY SWORD LYN 03 17 06 08 11 06 02 01

DOODIEMAN 03 22 07 08 08 02 06 02

SAIN PANTHER 03 21 09 04 07 04 07 00

[Squidmark Iggy]

Time to continue the run! With something! Something Horsebirdy!

[spoiler=Chapters 3: FAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!]

Lyn: This village... It's burnt down...

Vick: It's a house.

Lyn: And?

Vick: It's a house. Therefore, not a village.

Lyn: And?

Vick: It's not a village. It's just a house.

Lyn: And?

Vick: Lyn... Why won't you play with your Lady Sword?

Lyn: LADY SWORD! :D

Doodieman: Man, she's so obsessed with it.

Sain: At least she's not a turd face. Unlike you...

Doodieman: You just HAD to say that, didn't you?

NEEEEEIIIIIIGH!

Vick: I can't belive it, those two horses are still fighting?

Doodieman's horse: Ne-he-he-heigh... BD

Sain's horse: Nei-hi-hi-gh... B-)

Vick: O_O They're creeping me out now...

Doodieman: Don't worry, they always do that when they look at a pegasus. And speak of the devil, there's a pegasus over there.

Florina: Huey... Why did you stomped those men?

Huey: Neigh! Because they're as not as FAAAAAAAAAABULOUS as me!

Florina: It's not an excuse to stomp them!

Huey: Neigh! And what if I say they're bandits? That want me alive? And want to enslave you?

Migal: Gentlemen, get that horse! It knows too much!

Huey: Neigha please, I'm FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!

Vick: Yo. We heard you were in trouble.

Florina: Really?

Vick: Actually no, we heard your damn horsebird. That's all.

Huey: Guess my FAAAAAAABULOUSNESS hit through a human's heart! Ain't that swell!

Doodieman's horse: Neigh... Very swell...

Sain's horse: Oh yeah, very swell indeed... Neigh...

Lyn: LADY SWORD! Also hi Florina, did you know that I have a LADY SWORD?!

Florina: Hello there Lyn... I kinda noticed before... You shouted "LADY SWORD!"...

Lyn: Good! Because I got a LADY SWORD!

Vick: I also have to quote that thing you said when we were having lunch...

[spoiler=What did she said?]

Vick: *Tries to imitate Lyn's voice* You know, I think that I should marry my Lady Sword. Why? Because I want Lady Sword babies! Then those babies will make other babies, and then they will make other babies, and the list goes on and on and on and on...

Lyn: That was NOTHING like me.

Vick: You DID said that!

Sain: But you failed as an actor! Actors are supposed to be amazing, and--

Vick: Alright, alright! I failed as an actor! There, end of the story! Now, if you excuse me, we have a battle to do.+

Lyn: WAIT!

Vick: What is it, Lyn.

Lyn: Let me visit that village! I want to show them my Lady Sword and that they will never get one!

Vick: You know you're kind of a dick sometimes, right?

Lyn: But I'm a girl!

Vick: *sighs* Fine, go and brag about your darn sword.

Lyn: It's a LADY SWORD!

Vick: *stares menacly at Lyn* Lyn...!

Lyn: Alright, alright. I'm going. HEY VILLAGERS! I GOT A LADY SWORD! YOU DO NOT! THIS IS THE PROOF THAT YOU FAIL!

Wil: Oh really? Does your sword have a ranged attack?

Lyn: I... Well...

Wil: Knew it. Ah well, guess you'll have fun bragging about a sword that won't even attack enemies on a distance... Archers... Mages... Javelin-Wielding Lancemen... They all have a chance of hitting you, and you don't have a chance of retaliating...

Lyn: Well, what can I do?

Wil: I know! I should join you! I'm an Archer, and I can deal with enemies that can attack me at a range! However, I cannot melee retaliate, so... Still care about me?

Lyn: Sure!

Vick: So, how was the bragging?

Lyn: Vick, I want you to meet Wil! He's an Archer!

Vick: Cool. Go and kick ass.

WIl: Excuse me?

Vick: You heard me. Kick ass, take names, chew bubblegum. And be sure you're out of bubblegum.

Wil: Then why you're asking me about chewing bubblegum? It dosen't make any sense!

Vick: Dude, this is war! You can do whatever the hell you want! Here, have an example. SAIN!

Sain: Yeah?

Vick: Make me a sandwich while doing parkour on a shark-filled lava lake.

Sain: Will do!

Wil: What is wrong with you?! You just sent that man into a suicide trip!

Vick: Don't worry, he's fine. See?

Sain: SHARKS AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON THIS HUNK OF A MAN!

Wil: Oh. Guess I should go and kill these bandits then.

Migal: SAY WHAAAAAAT?!

Wil: Never thought I heard a Bandit saying those two words. But alas, he said those two words!

Vick: So, you never heard a bandit that said "Say What". Archers, everybody! Fucking Archers!

Wil: At least he's dead.

Doodieman: Good job, newbie!

Wil: Your face... It's made of poop. Why?

Doodieman: Don't ask.

Wil: But--

Doodieman: Don't. ask.

Wil: Okay then...

Florina: Well... They're all dead, right?

Vick: Yes, because they can resurrect and eat your brains... Of course they're dead, for mom's sake! Do you really think they can return as zombies and then say: "Gimme your brains... Blaaaaah..."

Florina: Err...

Vick: Anyways, Good job both of you. You are now part of this merry band of fun people! And there's no turning around!

Sain and Doodieman's horses: NEIGH YES! THE SEXY PEGASUS WILL JOIN US!

Vick: I don't think you should be that happy: I did saw some "questionable things" on that horse's rear. And it's called Huey.

Doodieman's horse: Neigh! So this means...?

Vick: It's a male. Most likely.

Sain's horse: Neigh! Excuse us while we are going to barf...

Huey: Neigh! Guess that those two horses couldn't resist my FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABLULOUSNESS!

Vick: And I cannot resist your overall irritation level. Good mother, you're irritating as her! Speaking of her, I wonder where she is...

[spoiler=Meanwhile, at Anna's RNG palace...]

Anna: There we go! Finally made it! Now, I have to patiently wait for a healer to join Vick's army...

And cliffhanger! Why is Anna waiting for a healer to join Vick's army? Why is Huey so FABULOUS? Why is Doodieman Doodieman?

Tune in next time for a new chapter on Vick's Saga: A Fire Emblem run!

[spoiler=Stats]

|LV|HP|S\M|SKL|SPD|LCK|DEF|RES|

Lyn 03 17 06 08 11 06 02 01

Doodieman 03 22 07 08 08 02 06 02

Parkour Sain 04 22 10 04 08 04 07 00

Florina 02 17 05 07 10 07 05 05

Wil 02 20 06 06 06 07 05 00