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Lon'qu's Story


Torva
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So, I've always wanted to try my hand at writing, and my friends have told me I'm good at it. So, I'm gonna try to rewrite Lon'qu's past, because he's one of my favorite characters ever :) Be sure to tell me what you think!

There was a knock at the door. "Coming!" yelled Lon'qu. He was just putting away one of his father's knives, when the door knocked. He didn't have to guess who it was, it was rather obvious. He opened the door, and she stood there. Ke'ri, Lon'qu's only friend. She had black hair, and pale skin, and had her signature knife at her side. "Hey, Lon'qu! Wanna go play?" she asked cheerfully. "Sure, I've really got nothing better to do. Let's go!" replied Lon'qu with a laugh. "Shouldn't you ask your parents first?" asked Ke'ri with a frown. "Ah, they're old fools. Come on, let's go!" said Lon'qu excitedly. With that, the two ran off. They ran for the forest, the one spot they could be alone, and just be kids there. "You know, they say to never change, Lon'qu. But there's one thing that SHOULD change about you?" said Ke'ri with a sinister smile. "Oh? And what might that be?" asked Lon'qu, rather concerned. "That YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!" taunted Ke'ri, as she darted off into the woods. "Yeah right! Just you wait!" yelled Lon'qu, running after her. The two played for hours on end, until they were out of breathe. "He...he...you're still...too slow...Lon'qu...." panted Ke'ri, resting on a rock near a lake. "Yeah? Well...you got...a head start..." complained Lon'qu. "Hehe...anyone...who blames....their loss...on something....like that...is a sore loser...." panted Ke'ri. "Whatever." said Lon'qu, picking up a rock, and throwing it into the lake. He giggled at the fish who swam away from the rock. "You know what needs to happen now, right?" said Lon'qu, looking at Ke'ri. Ke'ri grinned. "Rock-chucking contest!" And for the next few hours, the two threw rock after rock into the lake, until holes where the rocks were were found. The two laughed as they walked home. As Lon'qu walked up to his doorstep, Ke'ri said, "Well, today was fun. See you again tommorow, same time?" "You know it. I'll beat you next time, just you wait!" laughed Lon'qu. "Heh. You could try. See you tommorow, Lon'qu!" "Goodnight, Ke'ri!" Lon'qu sighed as he watched his only friend run off into the distance.

The next morning, Ke'ri had come back again, just as she had promised. This time, however, she came with a picnick basket. "What's the occasion?" asked Lon'qu. "Nothing, I just thought we could spend some...quality time together, you know? Come on, it'll be fun!" said Ke'ri. "Well, I guess I get free food in the end."

The two went to their "secret" hiding place in the woods, and put down the basket. The two ate for a while, and talked. Lon'qu was thinking how he could outrun his friend. Ke'ri came in close and said, "We don't get many moments like this, Lon'qu, you should enjoy yourself." she said with a smile. She slowly laced her hands into his, and Lon'qu's breathing suddenly became heavy. But then there was a rustle. The two instantly looked around. "What was..." said Lon'qu, before being cut off by distant laughter. The two got up, and Ke'ri said "Lon'qu, I don't like where this is going, we should go..." Lon'qu gleamed around. "I hear you...let's get out of here." "But what about our stuff?" "Forget it, we're leaving right now." said Lon'qu, grabbing Ke'ri's hand. And then it happened. All so quickly. Before Lon'qu could even blink an eye, the arrow came flying from between the trees. Ke'ri's eyes widened, and she slammed into Lon'qu, shouting "NO!" Lon'qu toppled to the ground.He opened his eyes, and said "Ke'ri! Are y-" His heart nearly stopped when he saw the arrow piercing her chest.

Lon'qu grabbed Ke'ri, and darted off. "Come on, Ke'ri, you can't die! Don't die on me! DON'T DIE!!" he shouted as he ran through the woods, arrows wizzing past him. He saw the pathway to town, and ran for it. The bandits wouldn't follow him to an open area, would they? He continued to run, telling Ke'ri to stay alive. And for a second, he swore he heard her say, "I'm sorry."

He ran into town, but no one was there. He shouted, "Please! I need help! My friend is dying, please help me! Please, you can't let her die!" He desperatly looked around, pleading into the open air for someone to help him. But no one responded. He simply dropped to the ground, tears pouring down his face. He sobbed onto Ke'ri's face, "Please..."

Once Lon'qu's and Ke'ri's parents finally found them, they were stunned beyond words. They had asked him what had happened, but he could only produce tears. He covered his face, trying to hide his shame, trying to prevent Ke'ri's parents from knowing he couldn't save their daughter. What had he done? He had killed his only friend, all because he was too reckless. Finally, Lon'qu produced the words "bandits attacked us". Ke'ri's parents knew what had happened. Lon'qu's parents tried to comfort him, telling him he did all he could. But Ke'ri's parents were furious. They screamed like banshees at him, yelling, "You let our daughter die!" and "How could you!?" Lon'qu knew they were blinded by fury, but he simply got up, and ran away, tears behind him. His parents shouted for him, but he heard nothing. He just kept running.

Lon'qu had evantually made it to Chon'sin, the southern part of Valm. It was there that he grew up, where he matured, and where he grew into a man. He trained endlessly, knowing that should he stop, he would disapoint Ke'ri. He knew she was watching, and he continued to fight on. One day, he evantually found a charter ship, which was heading for a big continent. It was heading for the northern kingdom, a place known as Ferox. He had snuck onto the ship, and made his way to there. Once Lon'qu had arrived, he realized he was not yet ready for the harsh, winter climates. Nor was he ready for a bear. Lon'qu was attempting to start a fire, when a bear approached him, a large black bear. It growled at him, and he knew how to make one leave. However, the fact he was even being attacked meant it was likely hungry, and there was no scaring away a hungry bear. He simply tried his best to look bigger, to try to intimidate it. But nothing worked. The bear viciously raised it's claws, and Lon'qu curled into a ball, hoping to endure the shot. But he felt nothing. What was happening? He looked up, and gasped at the sight. The bear was dead, a large, silver axe sticking out of it's neck. "B-but wh-but who?" he asked randomly. "Ahahaha! Too easy. Hey kid, you shouldn't be out here, you know. What's your name?" laughed a deep, hardy laugh. Lon'qu looked up and said, "M-my name is Lon'qu..." The man pulled the axe out of the bear's neck, and said, "Pleasure to meet you. The name's Basilio."

Hope you enjoyed, and you should know, this is my UNDERSTANDING of the story, how I think it played out...from the small bits that we actually know about it.

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Yes, this was actually quite nice. My only complaint is, I would consider revising it a bit. if there's dialogue, be sure to not bunch it all up in one paragraph. It makes it a bit harder to read, at the very least. For example, instead of:

"The two got up, and Ke'ri said "Lon'qu, I don't like where this is going, we should go..." Lon'qu gleamed around. "I hear you...let's get out of here." "But what about our stuff?"

It could be something like:

The two standed stood up.

"Lon'qu, I don't like where this is going... we should go." Ke'ri said nervously.

"I hear you... let's get out of here." Lon'qu said, gleaming around.

"But what about our stuff?" Ke'ri murmered with some concern.

Edited by Apparition
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