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AllAroundGamer

That moment when your childhood friend has a girlfriend/boyfriend.

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my buddy went through a girlfriend who didn't like him spending time with me.

they broke up pretty quick.

his new girlfriend is 10000% better and she's ok with us spending time together. she's a winner and they've been together way longer than the last one.

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i say i'm not sure because i haven't yet had that experience where a close friend enters a relationship, but frankly, i don't think people in couples ever make good friends and no one has ever made me reconsider that yet, so.

that sounds kinda possessive but i can see why

tfw i had to cut off a friend because he seriously couldn't get over a girl who he wasn't even with for more than 2 weeks and his life just kept going downhill despite so many opportunities to make himself better

My friend and I both gave him separate talks about getting his shit together but that just made it worse

He has a fake american accent now and i don't know why, i assume it's some kind of mental mask he put on himself. We recently had a talk with him and he has massive insecurity issues, we had a good time with him but it honestly felt like he was still just trying to "fit in"

Edited by Alb

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I mean, I think that for a couple to be together for the long haul, being great friends first is a really good foundation. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone if I wasn't good friends with them first. It's kind of like jumping blindly into it...I think people are lot more honest about themselves when they're just friends with you, as opposed to being a gf/bf. If I can know them on that level, and then still decide that I'd be interested in a relationship, then I feel like we'd have a better chance of staying together.

At the same time though, if their relationship together means they shun the rest of their friend circle then...I'd have to start wondering why they're doing that. If they're doing it because they think their bf/gf is the best thing in the world and they don't really want to spend time with anyone else, then I might try to reassert myself in our friendship. If that doesn't work, then I'd probably back out. They'll come around eventually, when they realize they can't keep acting like that forever.

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dw you're wrong

but has anyone ever made you not reconsider it

not only do i always hear about couple relationships tearing apart friendships, i've SEEN it happen. i've never actually seen a positive effect from it, except you know, inside the couple itself...i have a really difficult time trusting people as it is so i'd be hard pressed to trust someone in a relation ship. like if they're so fixated on one person do they need/want me as a friend? probably not even.

oh and you can refer to that post:

Having close friends in a relationship usually tears apart friendships. Whether they bring their significant other everywhere with them, or they can't balance time with both their significant other and their friends, you end up drifting away from them.

I'd just be glad you don't have to mediate between your friend and their significant other when they fight or argue, I got stuck as the guy who had to apologize to my friend's girlfriend for all of the stuff he did wrong. All that pointless stress for something that barely concerned me left me way too happy when he finally stopped being obsessed with her

Edited by xXHoshiHeartsXx

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Spiky is also wrong

oh and you can refer to that post:

if we're doing that then

that's so stupid

two of my best friends are girlfriend/boyfriend, and after they started dating our group of friends started to hang out together even more

also, the difference between Spiky's post and yours is that Spiky is talking about relationships breaking apart friendships, while yours is about you breaking up friendships because the other person got into a relationship

aka one of those things that is completely common

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It sort of depends on who the person in the relationship is and who the people they're friends with are, personally I have a friend who started dating someone else and then really didn't want to be around a couple people in our group, but didn't mind if I was around with the two of them. My other statement was just what I've seen more often than not, there's no right or wrong answer to this, humans are too diverse

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It sort of depends on who the person in the relationship is and who the people they're friends with are, personally I have a friend who started dating someone else and then really didn't want to be around a couple people in our group, but didn't mind if I was around with the two of them. My other statement was just what I've seen more often than not, there's no right or wrong answer to this, humans are too diverse

I can get behind this

I've also seen a few relationships sour things for friends and I've seen plenty not do so, and I think this is true for most people

there's not a lot of point in talking about universals

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My best friends are married, and they try to keep in touch with me and their other close friends as much as they can. The only reason they don't is that they all have lives that make it hard to keep in touch.

Bad experiences should not color your judgement so much that you think that every romantic relationship ruins any friendship.

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Spiky is also wrong

if we're doing that then

also, the difference between Spiky's post and yours is that Spiky is talking about relationships breaking apart friendships, while yours is about you breaking up friendships because the other person got into a relationship

aka one of those things that is completely common

these arguments are like swiss cheese. i think the smart thing to do is to let the friendship go, not stay on a sinking ship (no pun intended). i call it a sinking ship because i hear and see many times where a relationship will ruin friendships. so in rebuttal, you quote a post arguing against it and to that i can just say "friends started to hang out with each other even more"? idk about you but to me, this doesn't say much about the relationships between the couple and the rest of the friends. so what, they went to the movies or whatever more often? how long did that go on, anyway? are those other friends actually getting closer to the people in the couple, or one another outside the couple?

spiky's post, on the other hand, very explicitly sounds like the friendships went bad. friendships are meaningful to me and i don't want to invest my emotional attachment and then have it go to waste, making myself sad again. then really, it's my own fault for being upset. the risk of being hurt emotionally is actually a big threat to me at this point in life so i can't afford to be careless anymore.

i'm not trying to convince other people to emulate me, i'm trying to explain why this is what's best for me.

Bad experiences should not color your judgement so much that you think that every romantic relationship ruins any friendship.

it's definitely not the sort of decision i can make instantly of course i would need time to consider it and see how things happen but...like i said, i trust very few people and at this moment i find people in relationships to be 100% untrustworthy. i'm not saying that no one can change my feelings on that, i'm just saying no one has.

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I didn't know how much relationships can tear friendships, I've personally never experienced this. I can imagine how it could happen, however.

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these arguments are like swiss cheese. i think the smart thing to do is to let the friendship go, not stay on a sinking ship (no pun intended). i call it a sinking ship because i hear and see many times where a relationship will ruin friendships. so in rebuttal, you quote a post arguing against it and to that i can just say "friends started to hang out with each other even more"? idk about you but to me, this doesn't say much about the relationships between the couple and the rest of the friends. so what, they went to the movies or whatever more often? how long did that go on, anyway? are those other friends actually getting closer to the people in the couple, or one another outside the couple?

spiky's post, on the other hand, very explicitly sounds like the friendships went bad. friendships are meaningful to me and i don't want to invest my emotional attachment and then have it go to waste, making myself sad again. then really, it's my own fault for being upset. the risk of being hurt emotionally is actually a big threat to me at this point in life so i can't afford to be careless anymore.

i'm not trying to convince other people to emulate me, i'm trying to explain why this is what's best for me.

it's definitely not the sort of decision i can make instantly of course i would need time to consider it and see how things happen but...like i said, i trust very few people and at this moment i find people in relationships to be 100% untrustworthy. i'm not saying that no one can change my feelings on that, i'm just saying no one has.

I know you have major trust issues and like weird social skills or whatever but i dont give a fuck, you're still wrong. I have plenty of friends in relationships and it has never stopped them from mantaining a friendship with me. Usually whether a friend having a relationship will fade your friendship with him depends not only what type of people they are but also what type of people YOU are. If you take your friend wanting to spend time with their partner rather than you on a weekend or whatever as an offense/breach of trust/cutting of ties you're fucking dumb. You just have to understand that their priorities have probably shifted considerably. Once you get that you'll do just fine.

Edit: you've also said you have no experience with this kind of thing so go figure

Edit2: its also a fact of life that as you grow older more and more people around you will be in committed relationships. As you can probably tell most adults in a relationship aren't antisocial people with no friends but their SO.

Edited by fuccboi

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I know you have major trust issues and like weird social skills or whatever but i dont give a fuck, you're still wrong. I have plenty of friends in relationships and it has never stopped them from mantaining a friendship with me. Usually whether a friend having a relationship will fade your friendship with him depends not only what type of people they are but also what type of people YOU are. If you take your friend wanting to spend time with their partner rather than you on a weekend or whatever as an offense/breach of trust/cutting of ties you're fucking dumb. You just have to understand that their priorities have probably shifted considerably. Once you get that you'll do just fine.

Edit: you've also said you have no experience with this kind of thing so go figure

Edit2: its also a fact of life that as you grow older more and more people around you will be in committed relationships. As you can probably tell most adults in a relationship aren't antisocial people with no friends but their SO.

well that's nice, but...like i said, i'll believe it when i see it and i might reconsider it when my time comes, but i'm not counting on it. it's a bit more complicated than "your friend wanting to spend time with their partner rather than you on a weekend". a person can begin to spend much less time with another person(not only because of relationships but because of workloads)without there being a drop in concern or regard for them. i've met people in relationships and they're all so wrapped in their own partnerships that really, i haven't found any of them nearly worth trusting. call me crazy but i'd like to keep up close ties with people without ever having to resort to introducing romance.

i'm not a fan of the idea of these relationships in general but i don't see them going away anytime soon. thankfully i have some friends that don't seem to have interest in such relationships and i think they're more suitable friends for me since i can relate to that aspect but worst case scenario, i'll just have to settle for growing up with only acquaintances and not close friends. it's not like we can all have happy endings.

that's just my take on it. you say i'm wrong, but those vague claims of success aren't helping to convince me so. i don't get how devoting yourself to a single person won't hurt the other relationships around it. it just doesn't make sense to me.

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that's just my take on it. you say i'm wrong, but those vague claims of success aren't helping to convince me so. i don't get how devoting yourself to a single person won't hurt the other relationships around it. it just doesn't make sense to me.

I don't even know why I'm posting to argue

let's say I've got a relationship with my close friend and it's got like, 100 units of positive-relationshipness-effort between us

and then he gets a girlfriend and devotes more time to her

maybe now our relationship only has 70 units of positive-relationshipness-effort to it

does that mean he can't be my friend anymore? no. I've probably got lots of people I hang around with and consider my friends and we've only got like 40 units

also if you want to cut people off for not spending as much effort on their relationship with you you better hope that nobody you care about ever gets a job j/s

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for the record while I was speaking in hypotheticals if you want non-vagueries, one of my two my irl best friends, for example, has had girlfriends (and boyfriends, for that matter) and we're still super close and there was never really a change in our relationship 'cause of his SO

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You guys should give the guy who writes in purple a break. You really have no business thinking or saying he's wrong, and neither is it your deal to try and convince him otherwise.

It's less that Boney's outlook is wrong, it's more that it's pretty negative and not very healthy. Whilst our thoughts are shaped by our experiences,the assumption that all situations are akin to one's isolated negative ones doesn't do any favours. Saying "if my friends get into relationships I'll like them less" seems to be a result of envy and jealousy rather than the fear that friends suddenly turn terrible.

hey, cmon. a real relationship is great, but i admit, i would really like to have someone to hug and kiss. i wouldn't enter a beneficial-frendship relationship, but i see where it comes from

For some reason I drifted across this quote. This is more out of curiosity than anything else, but does this statement mean that you'd essentially ditch your friends for a relationship or expect yourself to become a worse friend?

Edited by Shin

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I don't even know why I'm posting to argue

let's say I've got a relationship with my close friend and it's got like, 100 units of positive-relationshipness-effort between us

and then he gets a girlfriend and devotes more time to her

maybe now our relationship only has 70 units of positive-relationshipness-effort to it

does that mean he can't be my friend anymore? no. I've probably got lots of people I hang around with and consider my friends and we've only got like 40 units

also if you want to cut people off for not spending as much effort on their relationship with you you better hope that nobody you care about ever gets a job j/s

it's not about "time". didn't i say this already? i think i can spend significantly less time with someone without letting it weaken our friendship...i...have actually. i do.

You guys should give the guy who writes in purple a break. You really have no business thinking or saying he's wrong, and neither is it your deal to try and convince him otherwise.

i'm not a guy, and thanks but...i would have just stopped replying if i didn't want to listen up

it's more that it's pretty negative and not very healthy. Whilst our thoughts are shaped by our experiences,the assumption that all situations are akin to one's isolated negative ones doesn't do any favours. Saying "if my friends get into relationships I'll like them less" seems to be a result of envy and jealousy rather than the fear that friends suddenly turn terrible.

please don't call me the old name.

more the latter actually...it's a bit more complicated than jealousy now. couples make me feel uneasy now, not jealous...as if i'm supposed to avoid anything romantic relationship related. even the people separately feel like they shouldn't be more than acquaintances, because they're closely involved with one another anyhow.

For some reason I drifted across this quote. This is more out of curiosity than anything else, but does this statement mean that you'd essentially ditch your friends for a relationship or expect yourself to become a worse friend?

a year is a LONG time. i didn't know any better. believe it or not, i honestly don't want a romantic relationship anymore and expect to go through life without having one. back then i was insecure and lonely and had no close friends to talk to every day so i essentially wanted a relationship just so i could feel better about myself. nowadays, i can tell by the way that i actually enjoy the time i spend talking with my friends and how my days at school are completely dreary and miserable, that this is so. i'm not happy with myself but i'm happy with my friends. i hide from people in the "outside world". i can tell that if i was in a relationship, i would feel way too uncomfortable with the idea of someone committing themselves to me in that way, and after a traumatic event i had, i don't want anyone to have so much control over my emotions again. it's too dangerous and i learned that the hard way. romance doesn't even feel like a positive thing to me anymore...

believe me yet?

Edited by xXHoshiHeartsXx

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a year is a LONG time. i didn't know any better. believe it or not, i honestly don't want a romantic relationship anymore and expect to go through life without having one. back then i was insecure and lonely and had no close friends to talk to every day so i essentially wanted a relationship just so i could feel better about myself. nowadays, i can tell by the way that i actually enjoy the time i spend talking with my friends and how my days at school are completely dreary and miserable, that this is so. i'm not happy with myself but i'm happy with my friends. i hide from people in the "outside world". i can tell that if i was in a relationship, i would feel way too uncomfortable with the idea of someone committing themselves to me in that way, and after a traumatic event i had, i don't want anyone to have so much control over my emotions again. it's too dangerous and i learned that the hard way. romance doesn't even feel like a positive thing to me anymore...

believe me yet?

Nobody is questioning your aromanticism, just the fact that you'd apparently stop being friends with someone if they entered a relationship??

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it's not about "time". didn't i say this already? i think i can spend significantly less time with someone without letting it weaken our friendship...i...have actually. i do.

if pedantry is the only way you can respond I think we're done here

I, personally, am perfectly happy to be hanging out with my good friends - some of whom are in romantic relationships

ヽ( ᐛ )ノ

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it's not about "time". didn't i say this already? i think i can spend significantly less time with someone without letting it weaken our friendship...i...have actually. i do.

i'm not a guy, and thanks but...i would have just stopped replying if i didn't want to listen up

please don't call me the old name.

more the latter actually...it's a bit more complicated than jealousy now. couples make me feel uneasy now, not jealous...as if i'm supposed to avoid anything romantic relationship related. even the people separately feel like they shouldn't be more than acquaintances, because they're closely involved with one another anyhow.

a year is a LONG time. i didn't know any better. believe it or not, i honestly don't want a romantic relationship anymore and expect to go through life without having one. back then i was insecure and lonely and had no close friends to talk to every day so i essentially wanted a relationship just so i could feel better about myself. nowadays, i can tell by the way that i actually enjoy the time i spend talking with my friends and how my days at school are completely dreary and miserable, that this is so. i'm not happy with myself but i'm happy with my friends. i hide from people in the "outside world". i can tell that if i was in a relationship, i would feel way too uncomfortable with the idea of someone committing themselves to me in that way, and after a traumatic event i had, i don't want anyone to have so much control over my emotions again. it's too dangerous and i learned that the hard way. romance doesn't even feel like a positive thing to me anymore...

believe me yet?

have you considered that, maybe, just maybe, a friend might deeply feel hurt themselves if you cut ties with them once they get into a romantic relationship

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