Dandragon Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 (edited) So I got a whole week off from School. I got nothing better to do so let's begin. What could go wrong? Well this looks like a very happy place. Oh boy. Bullying. This seems like a leading question to a joke about murdering his pet. That doesn't sit well with me. I am reminded of a scene from Elfen Lied were a puppy is beaten to death by kids with the same exact attitude as you. I do not like you for this and many other reasons. And you are the reason why there are feminists in the game world. The sole reason. See? Look at what your kind does! Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds YET The brown haired kid is Mewt. If you do not already hate him, you will eventually. Wait, what? Teachers not only allow snowball fights, but HOST them?! This kind of shit was NOT allowed at my elementary school! People can get hurt! Especially See?! These kids are murderers in training! You are enabling them! George Bush was right! Our child is not learning! Oh, now that was just uncalled for. I was bullied in elementary and I never saw this kind of hostility. They do not have logic! Do not argue with them, else you shall fall into the grasp of their dark and evil magics! What even is this insult? No, seriously. Someone nearly died, you asshole. Both of you are incredible nerds. I blame every single one of you. NOW WHO DIES FIRST? Not much happened, but next update shall change this, I promise you! Edited February 16, 2015 by Dandragon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wizard Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 This is a decent game. Also, kids are evil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 fuckin lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Masayoshi Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 following Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 lmao dandragon your writing is actually funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandragon Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 I was going to quote the Nicolas Flamel book series, but I found the opportunity for bad english too tempting Last time, some kid got a rock for Christmas and nerds were nerds. This isn't any circle of hell I'm aware of. Something is not right here. Too many furries. Wait a minute... That's not furry at all! Apparently lizard to Bangaa is what the "n" word is to black people. Something to keep in mind. Who the fuck? Are you calling me racist or sheltered? Either way, dick move. Oh, so now I'm a foreigner! Am I illegal, as well? Uh-oh. I refuse to be free EXP for you! Come at me, you lizard! Now I'm gay?! You just pull all the punches, don't you, ya asshole. He deserved it. Gay weddings must be an absolute bloodbath. Don't fucking test me, you oversized Gremlin. I'm pretty sure that's not how laws work, but ok. Congress be damned. Whose speaking the obvious, now? My abilities do not include taking the lives of those whose time has come. This should be remedied. The implications are truly despicable, but when has that stopped anyone. That was a horrible thrust! There wasn't even a thrusting motion! Oh god! Everyone is doing it! Montblanc does not appreciate attempts at anal sex and decides to use his pitiful magic stats to freeze their dicks off. The judge loves to block the way. This will most likely be an issue through the game. HEY! STOP HEALING! You are unfortunately not a Charmander, so you will BURNNNNNNNNNNNN! Shine Get? You know, breaking the law once nets you a yellow card, which doesn't immediately send a unit to jail, so this is just prejudice. Wait a minute. Simple words that act as racial slurs? Getting jailed based on race? Bangaa are the black people of of this game! It all makes sense! You're lucky calling names isn't considered a hate crime. Or is it... YOU WOULD KNOW, WOULDN'T YOU! It's not necessarily what I'VE done, but rather what OTHERS have. You'll see what I mean. I don't know what the fuck that means. Are you making fun of me because I'm not you're race and therefore do not know your language? I don't like you. You're probably the reincarnation of that one kid one the playground! Then I was kidnapped, but seeing as no one else would take me in, I had little choice. "We don't have computers so we can't play Runescape or WoW, but those are shitty games anyways, kupo." There are several people here that aren't part of the clan once you take a look at your members. They probably left because they were tired of Montblanc's shit. This seems like a line that leads into a school shooting. This is the most offensive and insensitive game I've ever seen! How is it not banned?! Wow. You're worse than I thought. I'm taking control of this. This is the toughest decision. Hopefully I've decided on a hilarious name by the time I update next. Then we can start rampaging across the land! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 call it Ruff Ryders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kao Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 (edited) Name it Team Magma. You're only destroying the world because it has too much water. Edited December 29, 2014 by Kao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 don't do that it's a dumb idea name it Cocklords Inc (pending space it might not fit i guess) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Masayoshi Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 This isn't any circle of hell I'm aware of. We're not in Texas anymore! also name it name it Cocklords Inc (pending space it might not fit i guess) this but like cock inc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 this but like cock inc Cock LLC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esme Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 you should name your team the daniellas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 no, #KanyeDefenceForce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Masayoshi Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Cock LLC this is great, it sound like a kind of beer company you should name your team the daniellas no, #KanyeDefenceForce wow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 i wonder if any LP anywhere has actually gone for Clan Nutsy tbh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 As if there wasn't enough innuendo before Nutsy. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandragon Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I really wanted to call it "Penetrators" but it wouldn't fit. I hate it when games give you less space than what it shows. Just for that, MURDER! On our previous adventure, we found out the true meaning of FFTA, Montblanc threw out a bunch of insults, and we got introduced to a clan. I tried to compromise with all the suggestions, but this was the result. Also I get to play God for a couple seconds and play the OG SimCity. I'm using the Perfect Ivalice setup if anyone cares. Now let's take a look at our crew. Chelney always dreamt of becoming something greater. He probably will. Devange was once a pro boxer, but after winning the champs belt for the twelfth time, he decided to go find a greater calling. A simple name for a simple man with a simple goal; support. A gal with a hidden potential that shall be unlocked one day. It's just not today. Oh, and this piece of shit. Well, at least I'm not the only smart one. So clans DIDN'T do turf wars before this? I call bull. Unfortunately, the bartender wouldn't give us anything else. NO. We didn't. And I can only guess why. Hold the fuck up. When did monsters have to do with picking up plants? Ah screw it. Thelma takes the initiative, but fails due to not attacking the bum. Meanwhile, David sits back, cause he knows his role. I unfortunately learn why Montblanc's clan has failed so many times. He must be disciplined. A punch to the crotch proves ineffective to Dick Chelney, for he has BALLS OF STEEL. Devange learns the ways of penetration quickly, but takes it a step further. I dub thee "The Fister". Learning from her mistake, Thelma obtains first blood and vengeance at once. Oh no! The Fister is about to be Fisted! Montblanc also learns from his mistake, for a little while. The Fister unleashes his secret technique upon his enemies, by SPINNING! She doesn't actually do zero damage, but I giggled when I caught this, so here. Dick Chelney unleashes his thrusting maneuver to the unsuspecting Golblin, killing him instantly. Montblanc actually misses Death but hits the enemy. BUT IT IS STILL PUNISHABLE! Our first Conquest! Many more shall follow. OH BOY! WORTH IT! Chelney had to go fight some duel because some beta didn't want to do it himself. A little tip from Ol' Dandra. If you see Copycat as the law in the blue column, do shit until it's not. See? This LP IS informational. We had to stop the town from being set on fire. Montblanc misheard this command. Or maybe he didn't. Pay no attention to the contradictory placement of enemies. I did not set up a savestate to make the previous joke. Shut up. Actually attempting to be helpful, he killsteals from the Fister. TWO PUNISHABLE ACTS! Nothing else worth noting happens. NEXT! So we have to escort some invisible children across this monster infested mountain for a picnic. At least we were given some food. No! This is an art of fisting Delvange is not prepared for! NO! He can't take another! It's too powerful! You shall pay for your crimes against Death and his NutzCock! Fortunately, Dick Chelney came back succesful. He was enraged at the news of his comrade, The Fister. Meat Morry. A novice of the arcane, he wishes to lend his servers to the Clan, so that he may advance his knowledge, in turn. So naturally I let him take over for a mission. Also, the Fister walks again! And with a new ability! And just WHAT kind of experiments have you been performing? Our squad got nuked several times during this mission. It wasn't pretty. I spent several turns acting like a dumbass before I realized that the orbs absorb elemental damage. You can see Chelney face planting at my stupididty. Story Mission Time! Is is a thesis on how to thief better? Wow, ok. No need to turn into Integrity. Unless... "I asked for a Reese's, not a Thesis!" "I can't tell what you're saying with your mouth full of chocolate all the time!" Suddenly, surrounded! Will our "heroes" be able to take them down? ...Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 A punch to the crotch proves ineffective to Dick Chelney, for he has BALLS OF STEEL. BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRDRHAWK Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 man I'm tempted to take you off ignore for this, I'm enjoying it so far Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specta Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 The implications are truly despicable, but when has that stopped anyone. im cryin omg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specta Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Devange learns the ways of penetration quickly, but takes it a step further. I dub thee "The Fister". NVM NOW I'M REALLY CRYING Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 NutznCock holy shit man I'm tempted to take you off ignore for this, I'm enjoying it so far Dick post, dude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Masayoshi Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 NutznCock please Dandra please Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esme Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 "I asked for a Reese's, not a Thesis!" "I can't tell what you're saying with your mouth full of chocolate all the time!" HEARTY CHUCKLING Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandragon Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 Geh... Bit of a warning. This update is a bit shittier than the last one, partly because the game is fucking with me, partly from a lack of material. Plus I'm tired. Last time! We were attacked by some fat ass who wanted a peanut butter cup. And we're already starting off with Montblanc dodging a knife to his face. This unfortunate soul will now be subjected to a gang bang. Montblanc misses. Holy shit this is boring. The fatass decides to whack at Thelma with his cane. Spoilers: He hits. It appears NutznCock have adopted a new gang bang strategy. So far, it is effective. This thief guy attempts to counterattack Chelney's thrust. And misses completely. Which then makes him ripe for the fisting. The Fister is not adept in the ways of defense. Unfortunate. Once again, Montegrity killsteals. And now it is time for... ...THE ULTIMATE GANG BANG! Hey, he died before the diabetes got to him. He should be thankful. Let's see what's happening at the pub! So there were Clan wars before this. YOU LIED TO ME, GAME! Spoilers: We never get this benefit. This must be rectified. NO ONE'S bums are lucky. Off to do some side missions! So some cheapskate ran off without paying for his lunch. Or some shit. This is apparently punishable by jailing. You're supposed to lie after you're accused. You are horrible at this. The long range punch! The Fister must learn of this technique... Apparently, this man is strong against Montblanc's Gonorrhea. But not the FIST! is the joke dead yet? Another shitty part about this game; people cannot attack while in water. The guy gets arrested. NEXT! Somebody is stealing chickens. We have to kick his ass. Word of warning; this guy is a bit tough. I had to use a Phoenix Down, but items were against the law. Didn't matter, cause Morry was struck down immediately after. And then I lost. Whenever someone gets a yellow card, they have to be sent to jail and can't be accessed for a couple of fights. This was my only healer... So I had to fight handicapped, and nearly got my ass kicked again. Luckily, we came out on top. And David got out of jail. Some other guy was wanted for...something. He was illegal, that's all I remember. That's a fucking head ornament! IT'S A FAAAAAKE! His ass was thrusted. The End. We also found this poor guy imprisoned. Thankfully, we rescued him before any more damage could be done. Cheney has embraced the holy light in order to help protect his one true friend, Devange. Unfortunately, I realized most paladin abilites are bad. Oh god dammit, no you! I half expected her to jump down and stab me in the throat with that line. Also, Thelma is still trying to find her true power. Next time, we help the tumblr and her problems with men! Again, sorry for the shittier update. This session did not go well. This will probably be the last update for today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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