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Let's Play: OpenXCOM - UFO Defense

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(Before I launch into passive-aggressive attacks on Long War, this is a Let's Play of XCOM: UFO Defence. The original one. OpenXCOM is a recent... something to fix many of its quirks while leaving the game itself intact. It is amazing. Download it.)

So man, I've been playing this great new upgrade to noted XCOM mod 'Long War'! It really brings home the whole retro feel of the experience, while also fixing several core issues of the mod. What we're left with is a turn-based strategy on a grand scale, detailing the victory of humanity over the scum alien menace. With our guns, fists and teeth. The moral of the story is and always has been that we will prevail through any obstacle.

Hell, it even adds a retro new intro cutscene!


As anyone who has played XCOM knows, deaths will be in the hundreds. I will need a shitton of names. Signups will take the following format;

Name (Forename and surname, preferably. Usernames make adequate fore- or surnames and really there's no convention to stick to. Names will take the format of 'Class Name', such as 'Scout Flex Manmeat'. There's a character limit. It's probably gonna be 20 characters in all counting class and spaces, but idk for sure.)
Sex ('don't care' is acceptable)
Class ('Don't care' is acceptable. there is no guarantee I will stick to this but it will give you a combat role, anyway.)
Other (If you just want to throw background or whatever onto this, then go ahead. Can also include any specific favoured weapons or equipment or behaviour in combat or, really, whatever.)

Signups are technically unlimited but if you just sign up a shitton then I might just flat-out start ignoring them tbh. Basically only sign up someone good and cool. That said I expect casualties to be, bluntly, horrific.

The additional fluidity of classes in Long War was great, and given that they all picked from a Venn diagram of about 80% of the same perks anyway, the streamlining of OpenXCOM into making all classes functionally identical! they are prefixes i add to class names to make it easier to figure out who the fuck is disposable and who isn't.

SCOUT Chosen for being generally terrible at combat. If speed is their only asset, they will be a scout. If they have no assets, they will be a scout. Skilled at drawing overwatch fire and conducting breaches. Will take rifles, and when the rifles run out, pistols, flare guns, fists, teeth and boxing gloves.
SHOCK Chosen for being hard-arse cunts who will probably suffer staggering casualties. Shock troops are the ones who keep firing into the thick of it once all the scouts are dead, and preferably keep brave in an emergency. Will take rifles and shotguns.
HEAVY Heavy infantry carry the big guns. They are chosen for being gigantic and swole and alpha. Typical weapons will range from grenade launchers through rocket launchers to autocannon.
MEDIC Someone has to be brave in a crisis. Those with poor aim but some combination of willpower, pace and hurling accuracy makes them into the perfect rearguard. Will take a ton of grenades and pack a rifle.
SNIPER The only class name to not fit into five characters, because the English language lacks synonyms for 'sniper'. Chosen for their crack shots and decidedly not for their movement, snipers excel at sitting back outside the line of fire taking their shots from as far back as possible. Typical early weapon will be the rifle.
ALPHA If I find a hero who is just impeccably perfect, they are elevated to the rank of Alpha. When they are brutally murdered, I will cry. Not an eligible class selection.
OTHER? This is not a be-all and end-all and I might end up just making some new classes to fit the situation. There will certainly be some who will only fit certain weapons.

Beginning probably on the weekend.

Edited by Parrhesia

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Name: Ricky/Nikki Redshirt

Sex: Don't care

Class: Scout

Other: Was conscripted. This was considered a mistake by everyone involved and affected.

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Name: Ciraxis (I assume having both a surname and a forename is optional.)

Sex: Male

Class: Heavy

Other: Fond of impractically ridiculous armor.

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phoneposting so fuck you if you want formatting

name haru integrity

sex dont care

class sapper

and i dont mean british army sapper, i mean goblin sapper. i want to have nothing but grenades and demo charges, maybe a taser.

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Name: Spectronymus Bosch (or if that's too long, Spooky Bosch)

Sex: don't care

Class: don't care

Other: bosch is here to make aliens into ghosts for the ghost army

bosch does not fear death

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Name: Simon Busse

Sex: Male

Class: Heavy

Other: Probably won't kill his own teammates by accident. Probably.

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Name: Lightning Slampage

Sex: Male

Class: Sniper


EDIT: I may have thought this was the 2012 XCOM name format.

Edited by Reinfleche

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Name: Karus/Karin (Karus if male, Karin if female) Joranthian

Sex: Don't care (Hence why I said Karus if male, Karin if female)

Class: Heavy

Other: Quiet, but quite sarcastic when they wish to be talked to

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Recruit 1

Name: Mincer O'Muton

Sex: any

Class: Shock or Heavy

Other: pathologically compelled to keep any full auto functions which may apply on and active as long as possible

Recruit 2

Name: Archie Midi

Sex: male

Class: "Sniper," mind probe operator, ammunition relay throw organizer maybe, maybe grenadier. whatever position allows the most cowardly playstyle

Other: avoids action as much as posssible. perpetual rear commander, transport seat warmer. willpower low on requirement list

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Name: Lucky Chloe

Sex: Female

Class: Scout

Do you think I'm happy with Tekken :P:

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In XCOM, there are no second chances.


This is XCOM Headquarters - located on the boot of Italy, perfectly placed to counter any alien threat. Welcome to the team, Commander.


Oh, and do not fear, your troops have been given the... appropriate training.

As for who they are, Commander? We have the documents here...


Private Slampage, a ruthless American marksman who leaves no alien alive if he can help it.


Private Redshirt, the first of our scouts. He's... he's an option, I guess. Sure.


... Just leave this one back at base. Look, they failed weapons training, and by 'failed' I mean 'did not attend'. Just. No. You can do better.


Private Midi will, uh. I mean. He has a disciplinary record. And some issues. Look, when this was advertised as holding the cream of the military, we were sort of - this is an optimistic organisation. If the governments of the world give us shopping centre security, we make shopping centre securityade.


Private Wutzenstein is at least a proper gentleman who will not run, uh, basically no matter what. Not even if it's an order. True Prussian valour, sir.


Private O'Muton - yes, sir, he represents the Republic of Ireland, and no, sir, I don't think he's interested in your St. Patrick's day shirt, lust for Guinness, or great-grandfather from Ballymena - is the first and arguably best of your shock troops. They'll hold the line, then carve out a new line and then hold that one.


Private Busse, who insists he has no record of disciplinary charges for friendly fire. Insists to an almost suspicious degree. No, sir, I don't trust him.


... Sir, do we look like an organisation that tolerates conscientious objectors? They're aliens, for fuck's sake! ... Excuse my language.


Private First Class Bosch will command your first operation. Just as inexperienced as everyone else? That she might be, but believe me, those downtown US cops know how to handle their guns. Yes, sir, police brutality is effective against the alien menace.


Private Chloe excelled at...



let me get back to you on that, sir. This demands research.


Ah, and this is Private Ciraxis, another of the approximately infinite heavy weapons volunteers we got landed with.


Sir, I must confess I do not like Private Joranthian's tone. He answered at least half of the entrance exam's questions with "... Heh."


A competent rifleman, Private Moniker is another of the few people in this squad who can be trusted to handle a gun.


... Sir, we do have other soldiers. Sir, please. Please, sir. Sir.


Sadly, ballistic weapons have been found to be suspect. We've stepped up our experiments with laser technology, and have at least an operational prototype, but not enough to go into circulation amongst the troops. Yet.

One advantage is that laser weapons do not need to conserve ammunition, but in theory it should be flat-out stronger. Either way - essential.


Ah, a small enemy craft has been spotted! Perhaps we can shoot it down and loot it? Tell the fighter pilots to be gentle with that thing!


This is the combat screen. This is the only time you will see it because all air combat is the same.

That isn't gentle!

Ugh. It's been a quiet month, perhaps we've kept under the radar that we might just be able to get by without a major incid-


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Bosch: "Alright, gentlemen. Orders are simple - go out guns blazing and save the entire civilian population of the capital of Australia. Simple, eh?"

Immediate sounds of gunfire.
Slampage: "Hah! Nailed a dickless purple thing with my first shots! Oorah, baby!"

Bosch: "Alright, loves, comb out and search the area. You meet resistance, we fight as a team, alright?"
Redshirt: "Yeah, yeah, divided we fall and all that shit, whatevs."

Busse: "FUCK"

Frenzied gunfire.

Ciraxis: "MAN maybe I shouldn't have FORGOTTEN TO PICK UP A GUN AT THE START like an IDIOT"

The most common screen in the game.

Moniker: "shit shit shit they're charging us- grenade out! Alright, now stay behind me, don't panic, keep your shots on targ-"

Ciraxis: "Uh..."
Midi: "How the fuck does a trained soldier do that. How the FUCK does a trained soldier miss that shot against a gigantic orange thing?!"
Ciraxis: "Uhhh..."

Intense gunfire
Redshirt: "What the fuck ever, it's down. Three of them for one of us, not too bad yet, huh?"
Wutzenstein: "Yeah! Just keep to this line formation and nothing can stop us!"

Slampage: "oh fuck"

Ridiculous gunfire
Final burst of shells
Ciraxis: "Hey, uh, guess that's redemption, huh? Eh? Whassup? How about some appreciati-"
Slampage: "I hope you die."

Psycher: "Heh, glad I don't have to be over west - things look pretty rough there. Just me, my buddy Integrity, my buddy Manmeat, my buddy Floater, my buddy Gigantic Orange Th- wait."

Integrity: "Warning in advance: fire in the hole."
Manmeat: "what the fuck does that mean"

Joranthian: "Heh. Another 'satisfied customer', so to speak."
Bosch: "Man, everything... sure is on fire, eh."
Wutzenstein: "It's working!"

Psycher: "They still out there?"
Manmeat: "the answer's gonna be yes, asshole-"

Manmeat: "Alright, fuck it, run - I'll take the box cover, y'all-"
Bullshit overwatch sounds
Bosch: "What are you idiots doing?! Come out here and join the fun-"
Hurling sound. Explosive sound. Three distinct screams.

Slampage: "FUCK! Bosch! Wutzenstein! ... Third guy!"

Joranthian: "Heh. Guess they couldn't take the heat."
Slampage: "Alright, taking command. First order of the day is peel out and find WHOEVER FUCKING THREW THAT GRENADE."

Psycher: "Still out- yep. Hey, really hope they don't get any sort of mechanic for reacting to nearby soldiers attempting to retreat! The commander would know about th-"


Chloe: "Oh, THERE you fucking are- can't draw a beat on the cunt, though!"

Busse: "There's another of them.... why are there two of them..."

Slampage: "It's cool, I'll draw a bead on-"
Sound of a headshot. Two nearby headshots.
Slampage: "fuck"
O'Muton: "SERIOUSLY?!"

Integrity: "Expect the Floater problem to be solved. With my immense, masculine and heterosexual throwing arm."
Explosion unaccompanied by alien screams.

Joranthian: "Heh. This is what rockets are, heh, for. I really rock-et this look. Heh."

Busse: "Alright, I think I have a new word for the thing we do where we walk into overwatch fire through windows. BAD STRATEGY."
Integrity: "He took the shot for me. As repayment, I will avenge him with my powerful and soulful throwing arm."

Slampage: "Well... guess you did. Looks like the area's clear."

O'Muton: "Maybe, team-killer, but I heard gunshots down south. Not to mention we haven't really investigated the northeast at all. Just glad Ciraxis' gun ran out of bullets way back."

Integrity: "Grenade primed and ready to purge the unclean. Awaits only the cast of my immaculate throwing arm."

Ciraxis: "Yeah, things covered this way too- wait, did something shoot at-"
Frenzied alien shooting

Busse: "Uh, I killed the guy who killed Integrity, who kinda... dropped the grenade... now they're a crater..."
Slampage: "Get the fuck over here! Maybe we can save him-"

O'Muton: "RHHURGh"
Slampage: "Aw, fuck this shit!"

Slampage: "Alright, found the prick and we're in good cover! Blazing a trai-"

Slampage: "Sorry, Mincer... hell, remember when looting used to be a war crime? Been a lot of that today, eh."
Busse: "Little help, boss? Ciraxis is dead! And I'm out of rounds!"
Frantic fire from cover, until-

Slampage: "Still not fucking over?! Alright, Busse, we're gonna flush them out-"

Three rounds of fire.
Slampage: "Alright.... that's one... surely that's- wait, is another of the fuckers down by the-"


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Wow. Can the LP even continue now? Still, it was totally amusing to watch everyone die...

Also, you should probably add some spoilers, so we all don't have to scroll past that update. If you don't know how, just put [.spoiler] where you want it to start and [./spoiler] where you want it to end. But without the .s, of course.

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What's the damage, exactly

Is a full wipe on first mission indeed a de facto game over on veteran?

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Full party wipe?


I like how only 9/14 died to aliens.

12/14 did. The Wutz/Bosch/Third Guy died to the grenade from that floater upstairs.

... I am currently reviewing my options. Please feel free to submit more guys. Given the circumstances.

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Uh...may I re-submit my application? Given the circumstainces?

Name: The Moniker 2#:

Sex: Male


Other: Prefers NOT DYING

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