finished Let's Play: OpenXCOM - UFO Defense

[Parrhesia]

I will admit, I was not expecting Brownpants to live this long. Good for him.

He's actually a sergeant now. Promotions are totally random - by default they happen sort of ambiently after every mission, scaling depending mostly on how many soldiers you have total, but I have on a mod that only promotes people who were on the field. It's making weird stuff happen.

Rank, incidentally, is pretty meaningless - there's some minor positive benefit (to morale, maybe?) but if they die it actually causes more morale damage to the rest of the squad. Colonel (the second-highest rank) Minah Joranthian's death could possibly chain-panic these useless rookies.

[fengaridotdll]

What rank is Thoron?

I hope no one says "B Rank Magic"

Edited February 2, 2015 by The Dark Armorknight

[Daichi]

Name:Casey Ryan

Sex:Female

Class:Medic or Shock

Other:Has a PHD in sarcasm and snark.

[Parrhesia]

What rank is Thoron?

I hope no one says "B Rank Magic"

Everyone who isn't Minah Joranthian (colonel) or Jason brownpants (sgt.) is a Squaddie. That isn't so much a rank, really - Rookie is the base rank, and anyone who has been on A Mission, Ever, becomes a squaddie.

[Parrhesia]

RECRUITS

GEOSCAPE

So Scully and Strawman are out injured for a bit, so I'll use the updated information here as a showcase. See the little light-coloured bits of the bar? That's experience gained - you get better at a stat by using it more. Act more, get more TUs - run more, get more stamina - get shot more, get more health - panic more, get more bravery - shoot more overwatch, get more reactions - hit more, accuracy - toss more, throwing accuracy - ... i guess the same for melee accuracy? - carry more, strength. You'll notice that while Strawman is trash, the bonuses are still substantial - experienced soldiers are pretty damn good.

At the end of every month the governments of the world flood your shadowy paramilitary organisation with cash. As long as you actually fly to a terror mission and don't just let it sit, it doesn't cripple you. As a result, we break a bit over even on a frankly terrible month. This means money!

Which I immediately spunk on a base in the centre of the US. Maybe jumping the gun a bit on that one, but we can take our time expanding it.

oh sweet

Landed UFOs are better than splashed ones because the sweet loot inside them isn't fucked. Downside? More aliens, but they're still missions you should win more often than not and the cost of a human life is pretty fucking cheap.

It takes off just as we approach, though, and we're forced to shoot it down.

The squad - Mulder's fit, but I'll wait until he's ready to join Scully on the field of battle. Most of your guys, a few generics.

I named my full squad of 20 before receiving a lot of names, which explains why a lot of your guys haven't shown up. ... That and, well, the massive amount of snipers.

BATTLESCAPE

Fliegenberg: "Well, contact already - but he never saw me coming."

Dead sectoid's on the x.

M. Joranthian: "Second verse, same as the first. You two rookie scouts, go off and, uh, watch our backs. Everyone else, stick together."

I might have been wrong - maybe you need a kill to become a Squaddie since Goremask isn't one. The other pawn is a new guy, Fist Marshall.

FUCK

immediately bleeds out on player phase, too. I really need to place our good soldiers further back.

Lawrence finds him but misses from hilariously close range with a burst of three shots. Fliegenberg gets the kill, and yet again picks up the spare laser rifle.

All but like two of these guys had enough TUs left for reaction fire. None of them fired. The aliens see further than you at night, seriously impacting the already questionable worth of reaction fire.

Sadly, it is a fucking mystery where that cunt came from.

Enemy phase sees Dragon killed on the inside by a cunt on the left and Brownpants picked off from a cunt where the arrows are pointing.

Minah Joranthian heroically misses with all six of her shots and is killed on overwatch by ONE! ONE FUCKING SHOT! from this CUNT

Tebbit avenges her - sadly, her husband couldn't take a clear shot. The rest all pile into the UFO ready for overwatch. Nothing procs on enemy phase, but as the new turn dawns...

Davies: "Oh, you poor fucker. DIE!"

Marshall dies trying to regroup with the rest of the squad, incidentally. So there's at least one threat down south of the UFO to worry about.

Davies: "Hm. Things look pretty calm."

[beat. Sensation of Player phase starting.]

Davies: "AAAAARGH DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA INTO THIS WALL"

Fliegenberg: "FUCK AAA THINGS ARE FRIGHTENING I DROPPED MY RIFLE"

von Vorbec: "Fear not! The area has been cleared with typical Prussian efficiency."

Corcoran: "Then let's get back out there. Marshall's radio signal's just giving me static."

Goremask: "Hey, guys! I found Marsha- aw, shit!"

Goremask takes down that Sectoid, but an enemy Sectoid in turn takes out Corcoran. An almost full move from Brutal Irongod with the cannon ... finds nothing. Fuck night maps!

I figure Irongod's so isolated he's dead anyway, so he takes the rest of his move. Yeah, I'm not even sure alien sight is affected /at all/ by the dark.

Thing is... sight range is one thing. Rifle range is another, and Tebbit pegs him with a headshot after stepping out of the UFO.

What did we learn today? Fuck night maps - I played this out much better than I did last map and yet lost three more guys. Still a sizable profit.

"hey thor sorry about your wife, you can take like half of her rank i guess"

Casualties: Mirah Joranthian, Lawrence, Brownpants, Corcoran, Gunnington, Dragon, Marshall

[Blasied]

And naturally as soon as I commented about his success, he died. Should have seen that one coming really.

[fengaridotdll]

Wow... Thoron got to about the same rank his wife was

[Dandragon]

Name: Ralph Drongo

Sex: Male

Class: Sniper

Other: Heard aliens were fucking up Straya. Wasn't fucking down with that. Gonna fucking shoot the fuckers right in the fucking 'ead. Staying the fuck out of the fucking line of fire.

[Parrhesia]

RECRUITS

maybe the worst of the named units to date

no mactavish irn-bru is not an acceptable standin medkit

no

fun fact gronzynski was originally this other guy who was one of the best guys on the entire team then i noticed it specified he couldn't aim for shit so here we go

"Commander, I can't help but notice you've been distressed by our casualties lately."

"Look at the money, Commander. Look at the money. Do you know how much it costs to promote some mall security, disgraced policeman accused of brutality or dishonourable dischargee to the job here? Forty thousand. One of these circle things - I don't even know what they are but they're worth over seven recruits each! Half a squad, Commander. Half. A. Squad."

"Either way, we've made a breakthrough in our research that might make things a little easier on your bleeding heart."

"Now, there's reports of another splashed UFO out there. Go and get it."

Squad, reserves. I realise we have a billion snipers and literally one shock (Fliegenberg). There is a flaw in my plan. So I decided to recategorise Snipers who actually have speed into shocks. wow so interesting

BATTLESCAPE

So ordering by class has one great perk - the scouts start out the front, snipers and heavies down the back. We bring flare guns for this, but it's, well, daytime. This should be pretty routine stuff.

Also we have all the laser rifles we need - plus two autocannon. Perfect.

I remember the minimap. Gold dots are XCOM squad, that white dot is the guy who shot at our guys, missed, had reaction fire put on him by MacTavish (also missed) before being wasted by Fliegenberg, who is probably our best soldier right now.

Drain: "This is just a hazing ritual, right, guys? Sergeant?"

Joranthian: "Look, you'll be fine."

Drain: "I didn't sign up as a scout to see combat, damn it! I miss my country club..."

Meatcliff: "... Well, guess we're next."

Davies: "Damn it! Groznyiski and Irongash are down - need to stick to the plan, this is why we keep the scouts in front!"

AND THEN PARRHESIA HAD THE BRILLIANT IDEA OF MOVING MEATCLIFF FORWARD BEFORE HAVING JORANTHIAN SHOOT FOR THE EXPERIENCE AND THEY BOTH DIED

he got promoted

Casualties: Drain, Irongash, Gronzynski, Meatcliff

Edited February 3, 2015 by Parrhesia

[fengaridotdll]

...Except Joranthian lived

Only four guys died and Thoron is not one of them

[Parrhesia]

... Yes?

[fengaridotdll]

... Yes?

The way you wrote the last part kinda implied Thoron died. Might want to clean that up.

I also love how Gronzynski was introduced, then promptly died

I guess that's what having 10 Bravery does to you

Edited February 3, 2015 by The Dark Armorknight

[Parrhesia]

[Freohr Datia]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Alpha

Beta

Parrhesia: Hmm I want the

good unit to get the

kill but he

can shot

Sen Beta Rdkjsr

P: Good - I shall

stupidly use Beta shot

Be the fuckin

door!

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[Parrhesia]

ngl it looks like that more than what i actually meant to write.

So basically scout meatcliff found a sectoid but at a really narrow angle. So I moved him up so that Joranthian could take an auto shot (the burst of three rounds) at the sectoid and get the kill. Joranthian killed the sectoid with his first shot.

The second shot... pulled to the right.

[Freohr Datia]

ngl it looks like that more than what i actually meant to write.

So basically scout meatcliff found a sectoid but at a really narrow angle. So I moved him up so that Joranthian could take an auto shot (the burst of three rounds) at the sectoid and get the kill. Joranthian killed the sectoid with his first shot.

The second shot... pulled to the right.

...... oh, rip ;~;

nobody was being the fuckin door? ;u;

[Parrhesia]

No Geoscape update; we got a splashed UFO even before the recruits arrived!

BATTLESCAPE

another night map whoooo

Goremask: "Radelaide's dead already?! He didn't even get to fire a fucking shot!"

Ryder: "Shit, I'm already missing the days when I was Bench Ryder. That said, hey, first kill!"

Thorns: "Just keep tossing those flares. I don't want to be taken by surprise, like those guys down in medbay were."

Irongod: "Hey, at least those guys survived."

There's a lot of moving forward, hurling flares and staying in cover. Sadly, von Vorbec's caught, flanked and killed by this fucker - who probably wasn't even aiming for him!

Gunblock: "PEEKABOO, BITCH- wait, shit, how can I not shoot it from here?!"

Tebbit: "Come on, son, this old hand will teach you how it's done."

Ryder: "Christ, it's like the fucking Alamo in here. Sightlines are great, Chaff, I dunno what you're talking about."

Davies: "Speak for yourself, twink, we're more open than your mum's cunt here."

Fliegenberg: "At least these flares make the advance possible. Why were we ever without them?"

I LOVE FLARES

Though the attempts to kill him don't go great - only Irongod can see him, and his aimed cannon shot crashes into that hedgerow. I don't realise that Goremask can now see him, scoot Joranthian over - he misses all his shots and is killed by reaction fire. Goremask gets the kill on like his sixth shot.

Ryder: "I think we're running out of spaceship - surely the door's somewhere over there? I'll hurl a flare at it."

Fliegenberg: "Yeah, I see it now. It's clear for now. Better stand clear and let the rookies take the lead for the time being, though."

Goremask: "Oh, yeah, I can get behind th-"

Fliegenberg: "Don't get excited, kid - scouts always count as rookies."

Sadly, some of our most eligible scouts are running out of energy by this stage. Still, we're in as good a position as could be hoped for.

We've been setting up prepared for reaction fire for a couple turns, but finally we're ready for the breach.

The room's clear, though...

MacTavish: "Ach, the poor bastard's chosen his timing..."

Irongod: "This is the best breach ever."

MacTavish: "Had to go and say it, didn't you?"

Despite Vicegrip's death, Goremask goes and avenges her. A great mission, and I really love flares.

Casualties: Radelaide, von Vorbec, Joranthian, Vicegrip

[fengaridotdll]

*Sigh* Now for character number 1 billion and a half from me...

Name: Sir Reydrin

Sex: Male

Class: Heavy

Other: Yeah, his first name's actually "Sir"

[TheMoniker]

June has survived for 6 battles...BY NOT PARTICIPATING IN THEM

BEST STRATEGY EVER

[eclipse]

Name: C. Jam

Sex: Female

Class: Shock

Other: May have really liked some series called "Guilty Gear" and changed her name accordingly.

[Parrhesia]

RECRUITS

"have i fired six shots or only fiv- wait, nevermind, laser weapons. Keep forgetting."


work hard party hard


shirley not!! haha


my boy


sorry i kept instinctively stabbing myself in the face every time i started typing out 'leeroy', i can't do it man


SLOWEST POSSIBLE SPEED
ONE OFF HIGHEST POSSIBLE FIRING ACCURACY
#snipegirlproblems

GEOSCAPE

so today is basically 'the quiet calm and survivability update'


For instance, we discover body armour.


And now that there's a chance our guys might not be murdered instantly, we research medkits, too. Which is flawed logic on my part, actually - if a shot's stopped by armour, it does no damage. It's not a matter of damage mitigation, and a soldier's gonna get pulped anyway if the armour's broken.
But, hell, it's what I did. And I can feel less dumb about Medics now.


Gigantic UFOs show up a couple times, but we miss them. Which is for the best, we'd probably get slaughtered.


"At least we're still making that sweet dollar."


No mercy for fleeing UFOs, by the way.


Does this even make sense? Hell, I don't understand science, but this shit is basically tech fuel.


fuck you aliens


we're running out of scouts, everyone's accuracy is too high also Gunblock is lliterally the one guy in the squad to be unarmoured lmao you poor fucker

Killcount
Goremask: 2 kills for 5 missions
Gunblock: 0 for 2
Thorns: 0 for 2
MacTavish: 2 for 2
Ryder: 1 for 2
Fliegenberg: 4 for 6 - our most experienced also has 68 time units which is really fucking good
Rand: 0 for 1
Tebbit: 3 for 3 - probably our best soldier right now
Davies: 0 for 3 - heavies might actually suck
Irongod: 0 for 4 - lol heavies; irongod has always been a heavy cannon person, turns out they're useless and i should only use autocannon
Scully: 0 for 2
Strawman: 2 for 3

I won't do one of these every update, but I felt like it here.

BATTLESCAPE

Tebbit: "Alright, lads, just ignore the screams of the civilians and the explosions. We're safer in here until they disperse a little."
Goremask: "My God... there's so much gunfire... all those innocent people..."
Gunblock: "Sorry, what was that? I was busy writing my last will and testament on this electroflare."


Gunblock: "Hah! Holy shit, I outlasted someone!"
Fliegenberg: "I heard a cyberdisk out there. Didn't I."
Gunblock: "Hell, maybe."


Gunblock: "Medic!"
Steelguts: "AAAAAAAAA"
Gunblock: "... Another medic! Boot's hit!"
i dont remember how to heal unconscious people
FORTUNATELY
Rand: "Hey, I can finally get some good shots on this 'disc-"


Rand: "JESUS CHRIST."
MacTavish: "Hah! Took out one of its own mates as it went down! Cunt."


Thorns: "Hey guys I figured out how to use this thing! Man, I wish we still had bandages and shit."
Turns out you stand over the unconscious guy. Painkillers... I think heal stun damage, while stimulants might heal morale? Or vice versa? I have no idea, but heal definitely patches up the two fatal wounds Boot's taken to the chest. I click stimulant hoping that that fixes her stun damage and thus brings her back up.


Boot: "Ohh man, the fuck just happened... shit, I think my armour's still smouldering."
Thorns: "oh my god i am amazing"
incidentally we killed three disks this turn. lasers are sort of mandatory for killing disks.


Oppa: "Oh, hey, little guy? A little late to the party? DANCE FOR ME, BITCH"
i was going to take a screenshot of the craters either of or around the sectoid but then all three shots just sailed harmlessly into the sky.


Irongod: "Hah, finally nailed that sucker! Sorry about your house, dude."
Davies: "Actually that guy got fragged by that sectoid because those nerds couldn't hit a sectoid over like ten shots."
Irongod: "Hah! Actually, yeah, I'm awesome!"
Davies: "It still took you six."
Steelguts: "Whatever, dorks, I totally recovered from that weird panic attack last turn - what was with that, anyway? - and am gonna just go scope out this joint. Later, bitches-"


Davies: "... Rest in peace, I guess? Asshole."
Boot: "Oh, hey, I can take his rifle!"


Thorns: "Can't draw a bead on it through this fucking smoke!"
Ryder: "I got it, but... shit, man, Fliegenberg's dead. Never learned the secret of flight. Poor bastard. I'll pour a cold one out onto... this disc that Harry and Rand FOUND and subsequently FAILED to KILL."
Rand: "It's behind some walls and shit!"
Dirty: "I'm better with pistols."
Ryder: "I'll fucking deal with it, alright? Chill, betas."


Davies: "Aw shit - I can see a Sectoid, burned myself out missing it, and it can't even shoot any of you fucks!"
MacTavish: "DUCK!"
Davies: "uh ok"


Davies: "Hah, sweet! That might be the first time that kind of tactic's not ended in the rear guy just fragging the front guy. I might just make it out of this after al-"


Tebbit: "XCOM SUCKS FUCK THIS SHIT I WANNA GO BACK TO THE SENATE"
Rand: "Shit, man, Ryder and Davies... they were actually good at their jobs, man, this is fucked up."
Gunblock: "And I'm still alive, hurling these flares! Suck it, nerds-"
Rand: "Shut UP!"


Thorns: "no no no no FUCK"
Boot: "AAAA"
MacTavish: "AAAA"


Thorns: "I got it but... it shot... something, or someone..."
Oppa: "Can confirm, Shirley Boot has gone to the great rave in the sky."
Thorns: "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT."


Rand: "Sir-"
Tebbit: "waaaaahhh"
Rand: "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, CAPTAIN, THIS IS PRIMO SNIPING TURF"
Tebbit: "dont wanna"
Rand: "DID YOU DROP YOUR FUCKING GUN, JESUS CHRIST"
Irongod: "Get behind better cover, alright?
Rand: "First Steelguts - who I guess died over there somewhere? Haven't heard his bravado shit in a while. - now Tebbit. Something's totally fucking with our heads out there.


Callahan: "There's one standing out in the road! Just... just shoot him!"
Rand: "No one-liners, Harry?"
Callahan: "THEY DON'T WORK WHEN YOU MISS YOUR ONE SHOT"


Rand: "..."
Callahan: "Rand?"
Rand: "NORMAN TEBBIT, WHAT THE FUCK."


Irongod: "Hey, I found the last guy! ... But can't actually... get him..."
MacTavish: "Ach, step aside. I'll handle this."
Rand: "THE CAPTAIN. HAS THROWN. A GRENADE. AT. ME. DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT THIS."
MacTavish: "Alright... let's just step away, guns raised. Not like he has a gun anymore himself... C- captain?"


Tebbit: "Wh... what's... what happened?"
Irongod: "We're gonna take you home, captain."
Rand: "yeah, in a fuckin' body bag"
Irongod: "Gonna have a nice little nap on the 'ranger-"
Rand: "hah, yeah, a fuckin' dirt nap"
Tebbit: "You don't understand, damn it! The voices in my head, they..."


Forty minutes later, on the Skyranger heading back to base.
Rand: "He's finally asleep. I have the pistol right here. We can make this nice and classy."
MacTavish: "You can't just shoot a man in his sleep, Rand."
Rand: "You know how I feel about big government, Macca!"
MacTavish: "Look, we can figure this out when we get back to base. For now... we've got some bodies to bury."

Casualties: Goremask, Steelguts, Fliegenberg, Davies, Ryder, Boot

Edited February 4, 2015 by Parrhesia

[Parrhesia]

Okay, so new poll and an explanation.

See, there's tanks in XCOM. There's also literally no chance that I will use them in vanilla - they're pretty fragile, die quickly, and the moment they take a hit their already shaky accuracy tanks.

There is, however, a mod in OpenXCOM that actually makes tanks something... well, usable. If I enabled this, I'd consider being open to tank operator signups, but would be pretty selective about it given their lower turnover rate. That said, it's basically an unambiguous buff to the player, so I leave it up to vote - but I will not use tanks without the mod enabled.

Also probably going to have the next update be in a prose format because it's better and I'm better at it.

Edited February 4, 2015 by Parrhesia

[Parrhesia]

RECRUITS

nobody wanted this guy but

MAXIMUM STRENGTH

LOWEST POSSIBLE TUs, BRAVERY

i think one short of lowest strength

pathetic stamina

can you imagine the overweight, unshaven, lager-swilling, heavy-breathing pool shark this guy is

anyway i made his name a terrible pun.

Ryan! You're ... not brilliant, but hey, maxed strength apparently.

does the C. stand for 'come on and slam and welcome to the' because, hell

GEOSCAPE

Fort Kanye finishes its large radar system. Look how fucking massive that is. Either way, that UFO goes... directly into the ocean. Damn.

'The alien technology is way better than ours but we can be more inventive than it than they can' is more or less the central theme around XCOM research.

... Shit, already? This is the second-best armour in the game, upgraded only by strapping a jetpack to it.

We go out looking for trouble in the south - large UFO, so I send out both interceptors. So of course this is where some northern bastard shows up. Also at some point I scope out a landed very large somewhere in the south, idk, geoscape's kind of a trainwreck.

I totally fuck up btw and send my skyranger after it... with the decimated remains of Rome Squad in it.

When I fix my cock-up, the landed one disappears but one of our interceptors is still refuelling as another UFO pops overhead what the fuck is going on.

????

die

that said that's because we pulled one of our interceptors back or sth, it's hopefully still there

(oh, it isn't. great.)

Eventually we just find a crash site. And land there at night.

God damn it.

BATTLESCAPE

Strawman: "Man, I am so not a fan of these new seating arrangements."

Thorns: "Stop complaining and get scouting."

Strawman: "Hey! Some kind of ... purple... floaty thing out here! Doesn't seem to want to fight, maybe we can reason with it-"

Thorns: "Nah."

Strawman: "..."

Gunblock: "Well, here's the UFO..."

Irongod: "Hey, awesome! Finders keepers, right?"

Gunblock: "Eh?"

Irongod: "First come first served, y'know?"

Gunblock: "What?"

Irongod: "You are going to be the first to walk into that UFO and get your clock punched."

Gunblock: "Ohh."

MacTavish: "Hey, lads, that barn's still occupied! If they're left standin', I'm fucked!"

Tebbit: "Well, I got one of 'em... but the fun doesn't stop here."

Irongod: "glad you've finally worked out what side you're on, arsehole"

MacTavish: "We're so fucked-"

MacTavish: "CUNT"

Thorns: "Ah, shit... June, Harry, a third guy..."

Tebbit: "Good clean-up work. Wouldn't've landed those shots five missions ago."

MacTavish: "Ach, they're firing from behind us! We got complacent!"

Thorns: "That's Scully... and, man, I never thought Irongod would actually be killed. Could be killed even..."

Mulder: "The Floaters are out there."

Tebbit: "Shit, I couldn't... firing up is hard! Mulder, shoot for the windows above my head, next story up!"

Mulder: "I want to believe... that I can make the shot."

Oppa: "This floater was not ready to party, sir!"

Gunblock: "shit shit shit shit uhhhh GUYS"

Reference: "Yes? Why were you firing into that wall repeatedly?"

Gunblock: "Look, I don't want to alarm you or anything but, man, I sure did, uh, get the wrath of these new enemies which are, in fact, confirmed to carry grenades and, hell, um, look, I don't suppose you could watch my back, do me a solid, like, don't cut out on me bros, don't be a dog cunt, I'm good for it, scratch my back I'll scratch yours, y'know-"

Gunblock: "FUCK YOU GUYS."

Thorns: "What is this shadow I see before me?"

Thorns: "FUCKEN DEAD IS WHAT, AHAHAHA"

Tebbit: "Alright, now that Gunblock has bravely and voluntarily gone alone through the front, I think we're covered from any danger."

Shades: "Did you hear something, skipper?"

Tebbit: "Nah."

Reference: "Alright, chums... time for a ROUTINE ENGAAAAAGEMENT- wait, huh. This usually happen?"

Tebbit: "Yeah. Kind of a letdown, huh? Don't let it get to you, kid, I feel the same way with every new Democratic presidential nominee."

it takes me like 10 turns to find the floater, who shoots corona thorns (non-fatally) while other guys are hurling grenades blindly onto the roof.)

Casualties: June Strawman, 'Dirty' Harry Callahan, Jason McGraw, Dana Scully, Sgt. Brutal Irongod

[Dandragon]

Im waiting for the mission where we fight the zombies of our fallen members.

[TheMoniker]

Dang, what an un-glorious return from being wounded... Anyways, here's a new guy:

Name: The Godfather

Sex: Male

Class: Medic

Other: Joined after his daughter died "heroically" fighting the aliens, and is determined to save the lives of all the ladies he can.