Screenshot The Dynamic Duo Play AI War: Fleet Command!

[Firestorm43]

Good job, Haru. I'm both learning and am entertained. And I've finally made an account here just to say that.

Continue.

[#!/dev/haru]

(Mechanics Post; may be dry)
[spoiler=Transcript of Operation Lux, Day 1924 High Command Briefing, heralded by Empress Harudoku]
Her Godliness, Empress Harudoku Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim, II: Greetings. As per usual, we have some new Captains among us, so I'm going to start off with the usual rundown of our overarching goals. If I hear groaning from the back, this time, I'm going to kick you out the airlock. You know who you are.
As you may or may not know, deep scouting intel and some calculations by the tech department have confirmed our chances of destroying the AI directly at zero, given how far they've expanded. Our goals, and the thing holding us back for five years, was that we absolutely needed not to be noticed. We've been more active lately, but... this hasn't changed. They're going to notice us more over time, so we have to do what we can to keep their eyes off of us.
Information has trickled down, and by now I'm sure everyone is aware of Commander Jordan Q. Jesus' little jaunt. Thanks to his efforts, we managed to take Amanda Huggenkiss. We were very worried that this would immediately trigger the AI to come and destroy us... but, as it turns out, there was more to think about here.

By crippling the AI's data and sensor networks, we can in some way counteract the AI's progress on finding us. We can't just take every world, since these data centers are rare, but whenever we find one, destroying it can cripple their efforts... and since a subroutine was originally programmed into the golemite AI to ensure it had no lasting memory of the external data centers, it won't even 'remember' that we'd done it and do anything to compensate.
We believe there may be other ways to do this, but we'll keep you updated as we find out more.

What this jaunt has taught us, though, is that we CAN move out and capture important objectives, as long as we don't break too many of the AI's nice toys in the effort. By securing Amanda Huggenkiss, we've obtained back one of our Ship Fabricators.

Of course, there are three 'tiers' of basic ships. With a lot of metal and some research, we can manage a mark III version of any ship... but before the war, we had special constructors (built around uncommon sources of radiation and rare asteroids) that could manage a much stronger, mark IV version of any ship we could make a mark III of. While we've not managed to find any of the remaining constructors, there was actually a fifth, top secret type in development... These 'Fabricators', as they came to be called, had to be much more specialized, but created top-tier ships with the most powerful, state-of-the-art equipment, and even immunity to Ion weapons (which, as you know, instantly destroy any ship of an equal mark by overloading its engine signature).
This Fabricator is important. With it, we can start building our old Stealth Battleships again... but only the Mark V version. Here's the tech readout.

The AI knew. Almost immediately, they sent a warhead out to try to destroy the fabricator.

Luckily, we had a defense force ready, and we were able to shoot it down.

Unfortunately... all of the fighter pilots involved in shooting it down were caught in the blast.

We, of course, respect the sacrifices that our men must make to ensure we have the biggest, best battleships.

Regardless, we learned that we could start truly scouting around without alerting the AI, so we began in earnest, producing durable Scout Starships to do so. They're like Integristan's scout drones, but unlike them, they're headed by real, human crews and they don't break in half when something breathes vaguely in their directions.


We've regained some perspective as to what we can expect from the AI. It's a rather bitter revelation.

To those not in the know, a golem is a massive cityship, built by the Spire race before they were mysteriously purged from the universe. Unfortunately, most of the golems were dormant as we expanded to the rest of the galaxy... but with the advent of some the golemite AI's early routines, we learned how to harness them for ourselves. Every golem is exceedingly powerful and should be approached with extreme caution...
...but on that note, we've learned of one more thing, from the Zenith of all sources, who we recently managed to make contact with again, albeit in deep space.

The Zenith Traders, basically the capitalists of the galaxy, have been floating around, trading with the AI (and profiting heavily from it, as I understand.) For a nominal fee (just don't bother asking, I won't tell you how much we paid), we found out that some golems are still dormant, hidden from the AI by some ancient Spire-installed loophole.

If we were to capture these planets, and deal with whatever AI presence was on them, well... we could even manage to take a few of them for ourselves.

That's all we have for now. It appears the next step is to secure one of the golems, hopefully avoiding the AI's eye and wiping out more data centers. And maybe, just maybe, we can use the Integristani to our advantage, if it comes to that. I'm sure we can all agree that it shouldn't.

...Empress Protects. Dismissed.
END OF TRANSCRIPT;

Advertisement:BECOME A HARUTOPIAN PILOT! (or someone else in this universe)

The Empress Needs You!

If you think you have the skill, the luck, the RAW FORCE OF WILL necessary to pilot one of our powerful ships (or be a researcher on one of the science labs we bring to our other planets, or just a normal peasant, or whatever else), leave a name and a preferred role IN THIS THREAD (with however much descriptive fluff as you'd like to type up) and we'll include YOU in our Let's Play!

[Integrity]

fuck yeah it's plot time

[spoiler=Captain's Log, Stardate E3.5.102]The following is the official operations log for the First Defense of Nomad's 11, as recorded and sanctioned by Colonel Jessica B. Davis, I.I.V. Ten Ton Hammer. The contents herein have been verified beyond doubt as true. Determination through faith. Glory from inevitable victory.

"I arranged the defense of the planet personally. My own ship, along with five other Heavy Bomber class interstellar vessals, were to close from below and to the right of the incoming raiding party. Scouts had reported a small number of large enemy ships, so we wanted to keep our hulls out of the line of fire as much as possible.

"Between us and the most likely vector of approach I placed our patented Mark II Drone Fabricators. I am not aware of the particulars of their construction, but I am assured that loss of Integristani life is minimized by their use, though Harutopian propaganda said otherwise. I remember hearing broadcasts during the war that said we put a child into each drone pod!

"Regardless, I am not one to dwell on such things. The drones make for an excellent screening force for our bombers, allowing us to deliver our payload without much fuss.

"The plan went as smoothly as could have been imagined. The drones' targeting systems seem to have been improved from recent iterations; hardly any of their railgun fire scratched our bombers' hulls.

"Recommendations for further strategic development: continue research on these drone fabricators and invest into a strategy of hard, fast hits supported by screening forces. We have seen the AI targeting computers prioritize the drones even while my squadron tears them apart from above. The AI seems to have very little in the way of target discernment beyond what enters their crosshairs first.

"The operation was a resounding success. Glory from inevitable victory."

[spoiler=Transmission logs for Operation Eastern Sun, Stardate E3.5.105]"<external intersquadron communications>

Ten Ton Hammer, this is Daughters of Eve. Please confirm communications channel."

"Ten Ton Hammer reads, communications channel Judges-Five confirmed. Nice to have you aboard, Catherine."

"Same to you, Colonel. What's the strike plan?"

"Tell your folks to do what they do and I'll handle the delicate work."

"Confirmed, Colonel. Kappa Squadron out."

<internal communcations, I.I.V. Daughters of Eve>

"Bridge to manufactory, how's it coming down there?"

"Manufactory, Werner here, Bays are open and we're making them as fast as we can."

"Excellent. Banshee Squadron requests that drones be diverted away from their front, seems the Colonel isn't meeting any resistance and our children are expiring out there."

"Got it, Captain. Redirecting drones. Anything else?"

"That's it, Lieutenant. Carry on."

"Captain, we're getting a report from the Mother Theresa."

"Is it urgent?"

"...they say somebody is pelting their hull with ...flares?"

"What's the damage?"

"None reported, ma'am."

"Why are they telling us this, Lieutenant?"

"I ...I couldn't tell you."

<external intersquadron communications>

"Banshee Prime requesting emergency assistance. Come in, Catherine!"

"Kappa Prime here, looks like you're coming back hot, what's going on out there?"

"I'll file a report later, get your drones back to our coordinates!"

"Kappa Prime confirms, sending the children to your house."

<salvage report, Lieutenant Charles Werner, I.I.V. Daughters of Eve>

"We pulled one of the drones aboard after the fighting and it looks like what I'd thought, Captain. Seems the AI found some old Integristani defenses, more specifically our old drone mines, and reverse engineered them. It's too far gone for me to re-reverse engineer them, but digging around in some old battle reports I found a description of them. Seems they shoot energy waves over distances that are ...pretty much impossible to keep wave cohesion over, and if you manage to destroy them it turns out they're full of advanced versions of our children. Recommend heavy caution when dealing with them, and always be prepared to match their children with ours to preserve lives. I guess if you can get me a lot more, I might be able to reverse engineer the children for our own use, but no way am I getting that emitter together."

[spoiler=News spot on Channel 9, "Heroic Defense of the Homeworld"]

"In a furious display of Integristani might earlier today, an arrogant strikeforce from the AI homeworlds was turned into so much scrap metal orbiting our great planet.

"Reports say that the operation was anticipated by government officials, who had our great weapons already in place to destroy the intruders. The miracle of Integristani technology ensured that not only was the AI stopped before it reached a position to harm any civilians, but it was stopped before it was able to harm any of our brave men and women in uniform as well.

"Accompanying this defense force was the legendary Banshee Squadron, led by recently promoted Colonel Davis. With the fierce vigor that thrust her into the spotlight, Davis ensured that the remnants of the AI strikeforce were routed long before they ranged our homeworld.

"What makes this defense different from the previous ones, however, was the rekindled spirit of the Integristani people. Just as in our old war against Harutopia, our admirals gave the order for our faster vessels to pursue the fleeing enemy through the wormhole and destroy them utterly - a task Colonel Davis accomplished with perfect skill and grace.

"As we collect the remains of the fleet to build our own, Integristani morale is at an all-time high. With your power behind our military, dear viewers, our victory is truly inevitable. This has been Johnny Fonda, tune in after the break for an update on the Integristani National Squash Tournament from --"

[spoiler=Communications transcripts, authorization level 14 required: please verify identity: __________]"Dispatch, this is Sun Skink, requesting a direct channel to High Command, priority aleph, verification code transmitting."

"Sun Skink, we have received your request and are awaiting verification. ...Verified. Opening a channel."

"Affirmative, dispatch. Determination through faith."

"This is High Admiral Andrea Goddard. Speak."

"High Admiral, this is Lieutenant James MacAfee of the scouting vessel Sun Skink. We've... we've discovered something."

"Your transmission was incomplete, Lieutenant. Please send again."

"Negatory, High Admiral. This is all the info we can get on the thing. I don't even know what it is."

"Can you get any closer?"

"No ma'am. I'm bringing the ship back to Integristani space but I think ...I think it's coming for the homeworld."

"I see. Thank you for your report, soldier."

"Glory from inevitable victory, High Admiral."

"Come back safe, Lieutenant."

----------

"Banshee Prime, what's your status?"

"We see it, High Command. Shaitan is moving, but does not seem to be on a collision course with the homeworld."

"Keep an eye on it, Colonel. Shoot it if it gets too close."

"Affirmative, Command."

"Colonel, warp signatures detected! The AI is here!"

"Numbers?"

"Very few, it seems to only be a probing attack."

"Hold position. Command, we have incoming AI vessels. We're staying put for now, but Shaitan seems to be heading in their direction."

"Something red's coming out of it, Colonel."

"Any idea what it is?"

"Patching images to Command now. ...they say it looks like something from the old files, they're going to dig it up now."

"Tell them to do it fast, we might have to fight it after all."

"Colonel Davis, incoming transmission from scouts. Shaitan seems to have destroyed an AI ship...?"

"Huh. Any word from Command?"

"Transmission coming through now. It's ...they're saying it's ...Harutopian.

"...Colonel, the AI flagship has been vaporized. Nothing is left."

"Get me the Sultan immediately. We need to contact the Harutopian remnants about this. God save us all..."

Join the Integristani Fleet today!

Handy with a welder? Got good reflexes? Bring glory to yourself, your house, your Sultan, and your God! Enlist today!

Not so handy with a welder? Hand-eye coordination more like hand-die coordination? Our cutting-edge science vessels are guaranteed to require no more than a grade school education, with openings for those with more talent! No army marches without support back home: be that support today!

Edited February 4, 2015 by Integrity

[Firestorm43]

Sign me up for a Harutopian pilot slot. I have the greatest confidence in Her Godliness. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Name: Ozma Lee

Role: Pilot (of something very offense-focused, preferably)

[Inactive Account]

[some sort of rank] Danger K. Danger, enlisting as a pilot in the Harutopian fleet.

[Freohr Datia]

Oh man this is going to turn into a SF war huh

Well I of course must join AIKU MY DARLING DARLING b-but what can I do

my welding knowledge is zero and my reflexes are pretty crap but I want to fight 5 u not just have "at least grade school education" 5 u........

Edited February 3, 2015 by Freohr Datia

[Ether]

I think I was already drafted into such a position, unless there is an uncanny naming theme going on here. If I'm crazy, then mayhaps sign for a thing, but I'm fine with my presumed role so far.

[roymbrog]

A+ updates

10/10 would mission command again

I think it's clear where I stand in this conflict

[Parrhesia]

"My name is Commissar Cathar Strauss, and I am the Lord's will made manifest.

Back when war was fought between humans, when battle had meaning beyond the pure struggle to survive, the HSS Unfeeling God oversaw the Harutopian Fabricator on Neo New Tokyo. It was a penal colony, staffed by a pack of criminals judged stable enough to work. They needed a shepherd. Someone who could help them rebuild their lives, a mother to work tirelessly to please, to fear, to hate.

That was me. And while my detractors called me a power-hungry megalomaniac, production values were higher than ever. Above all watches God, and directly under God, efficient production.

Now, of course, those same criminals are being herded into fighter starships, given one last chance to redeem themselves. I will shepherd them into the light now as I did before, only now they have the chance to fight alongside me rather than against me, their quaint little vessels resting under my shade, their comm-links resonating with my soothing voice. Together, we shall show these mechanised freaks the force of will held by the truly inspired. My will.

The Empress Protects."

[Jedi]

I will sign up on the Integristani fleet, I am a hotshot in terms of Star Fox piloting. Also by killing floor standards i'm an awesome Welder

Do with that what you will :P

[Freohr Datia]

D-do with me what you will aiku~~ yes that means I still have no clue what I wanna do s-so it's up to you~~~

[#!/dev/haru]

(minor plot post, major one to come later)
[spoiler=Audio log, year 5 Post Tenebras, Date 105. Commander Daniel "Deckwood" West, Class V Stealth Battleship H.S.S. Profound Radiance.]Cmd. Daniel "Deckwood" West: Wait, what? I have to record-- why?
"For the purposes of understanding your running thought processes and so that we can have a log in case you screw up"? Well, alright, you asked for it.
Everyone listening to this log, you have been reported to the Empress herself for wasting your time listening to my logs. That's right, this log was a trap.
Voice in the background: Commander... Come on.
Deckwood: Whaaaat? I did what it asked. I don't jump through hoops. YOU do it.
Voice in the background: ...fine. Take the console.
*shuffling*
Wep Sp. Ross "DRoSs" West: Weapons Specialist Ross West here, apparently doing the logs for someone useless. Today, we were ordered to move out... to Helm's Deep. We were to take out the tachyon posts that would disable our cloaking... two MK V Stealth Battleships were sent along, us and the H.S.S. Faux Pas.
The mission was routine, and initially, we joked, we've had harder missions in the DOOM-class Simulation.
Deckwood: To be fair, that was your own fault for buffing that weapon's power instead of fixing its AI!
DRoSs: Shut up! Okay, anyway. Normal mission, normal stuff... We were not prepared for-- Don't even say anything, Daniel! --what we'd find. We'd both dropped our cloaks to knock out a small support frigate, when it appeared seemingly out of nowhere, popping out of the wormhole and almost immediately catching us in its tractor beams.

DRoSs: Command had warned us that this might happen, but the golems were always described as slow and ponderous... the Black Widow Golem snuck up on us. We couldn't have prepared.

DRoSs: The H.S.S. Faux Pas was annihilated immediately, and as our cloaks can't power themselves while such a strong energy source... well, we were caught too. But...
Deckwood: Ooh, ooh! I want to tell them this part!
DRoSs: Fine.
Deckwood: Okay. So, you know how the Stealth Battleship has Radar Dampening?

This number means that our hull renders us untargetable... by any unit outside its range. Unfortunately, it also constrains the owner's weapons, so it's generally impossible to fire outside that range (with few exceptions).
Well... The Black Widow Golem got a lucky strikeout, and hit us with its tractor beam...

...which, as you know, has a distance farther than our dampening. Tractor beams hold in place, but as long as we dedicate our collector-powered engines to pulling back, we'll always remain this distance from the golem. Now, past that, two things are true: First off, we can just unload our cannons, and the tractor beam will pull the shots right back to our captors, regardless of OUR Radar Dampening...

...and the golem, since it's not piloted by anything, is programmed to move TOWARDS us at all times. We're currently outside the planetary gravity well, so no ship the AI makes will be able to follow.

This may be our final update. We are slowly picking away at the golem's armor, and perhaps one day it will be destroyed; but to future generations who might hear this...

...

...

...Worth.
DRoSs: Dang it, Daniel!

Edited February 4, 2015 by Utsuho Reiuji

[Integrity]

prepare for explanation of game mechanics, we actually shouldn't have many REALLY DRY posts like this left !!!

[spoiler=AND NOWE, WE FITE]Let's get 100% of the fun of the update out of the way:

Running Neinzul through enemy worlds that are basically gutted but still "enemy" is really funny because you just shit out clouds of Neinzul that don't do anything and then blow up.

AI War might be my favorite game.

SHAITAN IS GOING TO JERUSALEM

The fun's over. Let's get dirrrrrrty.

So let's talk about the Dyson Sphere. The Dyson Sphere is amazingly dope and sick and cool. Basically all it does, all day, 100% of the time, is build up a stable of Dyson Gatlings.

Dyson Gatlings are l i t e r a l l y floating space-based ginormous gatling guns. Let that sink in.

Now that you're rock solid/soaked through/hell, I dunno, something else, what does the Dyson Sphere actually do? It's invulnerable. You can't hurt it, neither can the AI. The Dyson Gatlings that come out are 'ard as nails and shoot at everything, all the time.

Unless you kill the AI's command station on that planet.

Do that, and the Dyson Gatlings become friendly. To you. They fight the AI and ignore your forces. You get an unlimited army of hard-ass space gatling guns, whose source cannot be stemmed.

By the way, if you settle the planet afterwards, the Dyson Gatlings get very angry and murder the hell out of you. After they destroy your command post, they go back to being your lovey-buddies.

Back to business, let's introduce the Really Big Game Mechanic of this Update. Notice that this machine, the Black Hole Machine, is not only a piece of shit but you take an AI progress hit if you blow it up. The [AI ONLY] part, by the way, means that you don't take a hit if the AI blows up one of yours, or if you scrap one of your own. It changes hands if you settle the planet - which, as I said, you don't really want to do 'cuz Gatlings.

Enter the Hacker. The Hacker is an evil science vessel, built to be mean to the AI. There's a couple things you can do with it, but today we're going to use the Sabotage Hack. Every hack has a cost in hacking progress (top, green, 'Hacking') and hacking progress is equal to the total amount of AI progress you've picked up less the amount of hacking you've done.

[spoiler=types of hack]Knowledge Hacker: steals the knowledge off a planet without having to destroy the command station (therefore taking the AI progress increase). Base cost 30.

Research Redirector: does a thing with Advanced Research Stations which we haven't covered. Base cost 35.

Fabricator Hacker: downloads a design from a fabricator (like the Stealth Battleship V one Haru gave us) straight into your database, making it so you don't have to take the planet or protect the fabricator. Really nice. Base cost 30.

Advanced Constructor Hacker: if you want Mark IV ships/starships and don't want to take a planet, this does the same thing as a Fabricator Hacker but for the Advanced Factory/Starship Constructor. Base cost 100.

Design Corruptor/Downloader: we'll cover Design Backups later. Base cost 20/50.

Sabotage Hacker: watch and see. Base cost 10.

Sensor Hacker: useless. Okay, nominally it gives all your ships on a planet cloaking for 30 seconds, but eh. Base cost 10.

Nomad Beacon Hacker: hi-fucking-larious, but Nomads aren't in this game we're showing you. Base cost 100.

By the way, each type of hack increases in cost multiplicatively based on how many times you've done that type of hack.

So we plant a Sabotage Hacker by the Black Hole Machine. Every hack has a timer, and the AI will fight you pretty aggressively while that timer ticks down. Note the message log. Sixty seconds later, though:

Boom. And no AI progress hit. You can only hack planets the AI owns, by the way.

Incidentally, this whole time the Dyson Sphere was crapping Gatlings into my Neinzul fleet. It's great.

Dyson Gatlings that are friendly will help you kill the unfriendly Dyson Gatlings that are left over after you kill the AI's command station.

And this is why you want to free the Dyson Sphere! Note how this is the first screenshot since the first of the update that hasn't been on Unicron, Eater of Worlds. Yes, the Dyson Gatlings will support your assaults and defend your worlds as long as the sphere is free.

So let's move to the next world. There's something pretty mega cool in the north part, let's zoom in!

Spider turrets, if you didn't check the ridic spoiler, are sniper turrets with infinite range, less damage than normal snipers, and they annihilate engines. A pile of them might not kill a raid, but it will turn a huge chunk of the raid into effectively turrets, which will then be picked off by the spiders and, hell, snipers you probably have. They're one of the best turrets.

This thing lets us build Mark V versions of them, which you cannot ordinarily.

Mark V turret caps are per world, too.

Dysons on the attack with us.

When you destroy a command station, any barracks on the world self-destruct and eject all of their units. If you're Integrity, you then put your command station up by where the barracks was, where it gets promptly dead. :)

Settlement Take Two was effective, and now we can build this many Spider Turrets Mark V on every planet we own. Each. We can have 144 Spider Turrets Mark V on every planet.

'Til next time.

[#!/dev/haru]

[spoiler=Audio log, Year 5 Post Tenebras, Date 109. Captain Danger K. Danger of Hacker Lab H.S.S. Wildcard Sunrise]Okay. Hrm. Okay. I get that Harutopian command might've been miffed when I... sorta... hacked all the planet names in the database file they just left sitting on a public directory. I get that!

It was for fun, I expected I might get a slap on the wrist... I didn't expect a job offer.

In retrospect... I've met the Empress before, one could say; maybe I should've expected this? Didn't think she'd make the decision herself. Guess it pays to have friends in high places.
Anyway, order was to move to Elephant Graveyard (ehehehehe) and... apparently some brigade would give me support as I steal designs from their mainframes? "Knowledge Extraction", as it's called... It's a bit formulaic for my style, but I can do it, sure.
The mission has just started, and... well, I can't really tell exactly how it's going. I have a military rank, now, but I was assured it was just for bookkeeping... I still have no idea what an ideal space battle looks like? I think we're beating them back.

One of the ships is named "H.S.S. Unfeeling God", which... yeah.

Anyway, I'm still a tad apprehensive, but the hack itself is going well, which is good.
...and I turn it off by...

Official Harutopian Empire Communications Record 94883
Mission Commandant: Lieutenant Colonel Jose "From Couch" Malta
Communications Officer: Chief Operator Rae Spectronymous Bosch
Involved Party: Mk II Light Flagship Commissar Cathar Strauss
Involved Party: Hacker Lab Captain Danger K. Danger

[spoiler=CONFIDENTIAL TRANSCRIPT: GRADE 1 PERMISSIONS REQUIRED]Hacker Cpt. Danger K. Danger: Alright. Kdanger here, in position, ready to go.

Flagship Cmd. Cathar Strauss: Commissar's Will Brigade, report positions.

<Callsign from MK I Fighter pilot>
<Callsign from MK I Figther pilot>

Cathar: All in position. The mechanical abominations, too?

CO Rae Spectronymous Bosch: All Viral Shredders appear to be in position.

Cathar: Beautiful. Empress beckons. Give the order.

Lt. Col. Jose Malta: Hm, I think I forgot who was in command here... Oh well. Begin operation.

Cathar: ONWARD, YOU LOUTS!

Kdanger: Alright, seems things are in position. I don't need to stay, since I can maintain the hack from Yoloswag (eheheh), right?

Jose: I can't see why not. Pull back.

Cathar: Yes. Yes, flee, and leave the shepherd to tend to her sheep. Move those shredders out!

Commissar's Will, your flanks protect your betters. Keep my hull clean as it was when you polished it this morning, and that hacking module up and running. Obliterate any ship that moves to claim false glory against our behest. The order is given.

<radio silence>

Rae: Commander, the Viral Shredders are losing ground. The AI seems to be constantly producing ships, and among them... Spire Railclusters, which are obliterating the virals. Recommend you do not engage, repeat, recommend you do not engage.

Cathar: Noted. Hear that, you pigs in human clothing? Your chance for glory has come. Commissar's Will, move out! First one to take out a Railcluster gets their sentence-- their comeuppance for a lifetime of decadence and depravity-- entirely forgiven.

Rae: Oh dear... Lieutenant Colonel?

Jose: I'm watching. I... I don't think High Command expected anything else.

Rae: That's a little disturbing.

Jose: I know, right?

Cathar: AHAHAHAHA! Look how you fall, as the worthless wretched AI picks you off like flies. Evolve and become better, or watch as your world collapses around you!


Rae: ...Permission to end transmission and maintain radio silence?

Kdanger: Please.

Jose: Agreed. Over and out.

Official Harutopian Empire Communications Record 94887
Mission Commandant: Lieutenant Colonel Jose "From Couch" Malta
Communications Officer: Chief Operator Rae Spectronymous Bosch
Involved Party: Mk II Light Flagship Commissar Cathar Strauss
Involved Party: Hacker Lab Captain Danger K. Danger
Involved Party: Ad Hoc Captain Ozma Lee

[spoiler=CONFIDENTIAL TRANSCRIPT: GRADE 1 PERMISSIONS REQUIRED]CO Rae Spectronymous Bosch: Lieutenant Colonel, the H.S.S. Uncaring God appears to be taking the wormhole back to Yoloswag. The Hacker Module is about halfway done, but nothing else appears to be on Elephant Graveyard.

Lt. Col. Jose Malta: Oh, lordy. Okay. Uh... patch her through.

Rae: As you wish.

Flagship Cmd. Cathar Strauss: Command, I require another... bucket of recruits.

Jose: Empress provides... but what happened?

Cathar: After you dropped to radio silence, they warped in... many more railclusters. Too many, we were quickly overwhelmed. I require more chaff to oil the gears of war, ensuring that our machinery keeps the AI off the homeworld!

Jose: Railclusters? CO, Technical Readout, what's even any good against them?

Rae: ...Composite hulls... nothing. Best we can do is send something that resists those railgun clusters... but what?

Hacker Cpt. Danger K. Danger: ...Something something might have the answer

Rae: Repeat that last? Couldn't quite catch that...

Kdanger: I mean, I'm not doing this hacking thing for nothing...

Jose: Whoa. Okay. CO, open commlink with the Starship Constructor. <commlink open.> Starcon, I'm sending you plans for a new starship type! Pick up a pilot off the street if you have to, whoever's around, get bodies in these ships, get them complete, and launch!

Cathar: And what shall I do?! Even now they warp through the wormhole! Without sheep to slake the hunger, they'll quickly overwhelm the homeworld before you can get your pretty new boats out!

Jose: Hate to say it, but... he's right, I guess. Alright, launch the second battalion. Godspeed, H.S.S. Unfeeling God.

Cathar: ...excellent.
<radio silence>



Rae: Unfeeling God is warping back again! Commandant--

Jose: What's the status of the new Plasma Sieges? Starc--

Ozma Lee: Jeez, if only to end all this interrupting... Gotcher Plasma Siege Ships right here, Cap'n.

Rae: Lt. Col, the enemy has been pushed into full retreat!

Cathar: Good, good.... Remaining Commissar's Will brigade! Swing around to intercept! Annihilate all fleeing ships.

Jose: I don't know when we got these... Spider Turrets, but... let's have it, Turrets, focus on downing their engines! Enemy in full retreat, prevent them from getting anything out of this. Focus that cluster of... wow, that's a lot of frigates. Focus on the frigates!

Ozma: Roger that, Command.




Jose: Okay, I think we can call that a successful operation. Good work, everyone.

Cathar: Naturally. And with no worthless louts earning freedom. A victory on all fronts.

Jose: ...over and out.

[Dandragon]

I hav no clue what the hell is happening

I only signed up caused i heard it pays well

[#!/dev/haru]

I hav no clue what the hell is happening

I only signed up caused i heard it pays well

PICK A SIDE, LOUT

[Parrhesia]

I hav no clue what the hell is happening

I only signed up caused i heard it pays well

There's many openings in the Harutopian Mark One Fighter pilot sector, or so I hear

[#!/dev/haru]

life happened for me (in a small way) and integrity (in a mega huge way) but we are now not dead
EXCELSIOR
[spoiler=Excerpts, Harutopian Retroactive Tactical Technical Readout Backup Files, printed year 2 PTL]
[REDACTED]

SECTION 4
Human Weapons (note: sections of this document have been redacted and will become officially available between E4.7.53 and E4.7.137)

Among the human arsenal were many different weapons and logistical matériels.

Zenith Spacetime Manipulator


The Zenith Spacetime Manipulator was a design of the Zenith fleets, releasing a signature of imaginary time that could be locked onto by special systems within Harutopian (and later Integristani) fleet ships. This massively increased the speed of all allied ships on a planet. Later tests (with a total of FOURTY of these and a few smaller versions) would raise a ship to .9999999999997c, at which point it slammed into a mote of dust and was reduced to atomic slurry.

Broken Golems
[Picture not found]
[REDACTED] Found on several planets, these could be (and were) awakened by the Harutopian Army in a (successful) attempt to pacify the burgeoning AI forces, and an eventual assault on their homeworlds. These ships came in many types, but each was a monstrosity of a city-ship, capable of slaying entire fleets all its own. [REDACTED]

[REDACTED]

SECTION 6
AI Weapons (note: sections of this document have been redacted and will become officially available between E4.7.53 and E4.7.137)

[REDACTED]

AI Golems


The Golemite AI had access to massive city-ships. Coming in many types, these were worth several fleets of threat by themselves, though they had a peculiar weakness to the Armored Warheads deployed often during the later stages of the war. As human intervention was needed to awaken these beasts, the AI could not rebuild them after they were destroyed.

AI Raid Engines

The Raid Engine was a special terminal that would detect the presence of non-scout, non-AI ships on all nearby planets and send counterattack waves at the perpetrators independent of AI plans. Taking these down would draw the notice of the AI, but not as much as taking a planet.

[REDACTED]

SECTION 7
AI Progress Reducers

During the Second Great AI War, there were several objectives the glorious Harutopian Empire could strike at (in various ways) to hide itself from the watchful eyes of the AI.

Data Center


The Data Center was a basic bank of information, which tended to include a complete list of known Harutopian (and Integristani) activities. By striking these down, the AI would 'forget' many of the 'transgressions' of the humans, to a point. They were dispersed throughout the galaxy, at least six were confirmed as destroyed after the war.

Co-Processor


A group of exactly four Co-Processors existed, serving a role very similar to the Data Centers; however, unlike the Data Centers these were connected in a strong loop; if one was destroyed, it would send out a last transmission (through the AI Warp Grid) to apply its data to the other three Co-Processors. This would not only keep the data safe, but would also make the AI that much more wary of the Empire's actions. The information that the humans were targeting the Co-Processors, however, was stored... in the Co-Processors, so when all four were destroyed, not only was all the progress stored in them lost, but so too was any sign that they had ever existed.

Superterminal


The Superterminal was a dangerous weapon against the AI's data gathering efforts. A remnant of the first war, this was actually a re-purposed 'safety valve' by which the AI's processing capabilities could be directly accessed (and hampered). Abandoned and forgotten by the AI, this would do nothing unless the Empire took control of the world it was on. The AI would immediately notice and send a MASSIVE assault after it, to try to destroy either it or the humans accessing it, so it would have to be protected, but while it was controlled the AI's cumulative 'progress' on noticing our activities would drop rapidly.

SECTION 8
AI Homeworlds (note: sections of this document have been redacted and will become officially available between E4.7.53 and E4.7.137)

Note: While the AI's Shield Network was up and active, none of the modules nor the command stations of the homeworlds could be damaged. This was proctored by the Shield Generators, connected in four different networks: A-Prime (a strong network, wherein all but one of the generators had to be destroyed), and B, C, and D-Secondary (weak networks, wherein any of the planets in the network had to be destroyed). They could only be destroyed once the host planet was controlled by the Empire, and the warp grid pushed away.

Home Command Station

The true nerve center of the AI. With all the backups, shields, and planetary defenses, this didn't have to have much of a defense system, so it didn't. Still ensures that no cloaked or undetected ships could exist within several light years of the planet.

Home Guard Posts

Also immune while the Command Station was immune. These were effectively massive planetary guard posts, with much bigger guns and much nastier effects. Destroying all of these was necessary to render the Home Command Stations targetable.
Types found included [REDACTED]

[Integrity]

life happened for me (in a small way) and haru (in a mega huge way) but we are now not dead

EXCELSIOR

[spoiler=Personal Logs, Mf1C Jeddicus 'J.J.' Abrams, I.I.V. Daughters of Eve]"I tell 'em to blow things up, they blow 'em up."

"Well, alright, it wasn't me. LT Chaz told them they needed to kill that thing and they did. Said it would make the AI hate us less. But hey, I told the LT I bet that blowing that thing up was a good idea and he believed me."

"We've taken to calling the gatling guns that fly around and hurt shit for us, well, gatlings. Dyson gatlings, 'cause the place they came from looks kinda like a Dyson sphere. They're great helpers, always seem to be in the right place, but all's I want is to take one apart and weld it onto a drone. Man, imagine our children with that kinda firepower!"

"As it stands, I guess I can't complain. I made First Class earlier this month after a big attack where me and the LT pulled some enemy drones aboard. Now I get to tell the little guys what to do and man, lemme tell you what, I've got charts and shit say our productivity is up like 30%. It's great being a pit boss."

"Met some crazy humans today, literal pirates! Who even knew there were still fucking pirates after the Most Exalted Empress nuked everything to fuck? What's even left to prey on, scrap? Maybe they're trying to steal our children?"

"Doesn't even matter I guess, nothing they could do against the bombers. Hotshots think they're all that, think they don't need us back here making sure they don't die. Show us some respect, or maybe some drones gonna go "haywire"...

...wait, uh, how do I erase logs?"

*frenetic sounds of button mashing*

[spoiler=Sealed report from <REDACTED> to <REDACTED>, E3.5.<REDACTED>]"We've been messing with the Harutopian cartography servers for weeks now. At first the best we could do is see some low-level things. One of my boys took the opportunity to, uh, change the names of all of the worlds in the Harutopian database. He even set up a script to change the names of new worlds as Harutopian scouts transmit them back to the database. He's a genius, but it was a proof of concept leading to what I'm reporting on today.

"Essentially, we've hacked into the master Harutopian cartographic database. Turns out they've scouted a lot of the galaxy that we didn't even know existed, and we pulled some extremely useful data about the AI out of that."

"They've found a world where the AI is actually ...living. If we can take this out, the AI's remaining ships in the galaxy would just stop working, basically. He tells me the other AI might take over, but all we'd have to do is find their homeworld and kill them too.

"...I say that like it's simple. I'll report anything else we get out of this database hack, we might be able to branch into their communications and even tactical databases from here, depends on how isolated their systems are."

[spoiler=International Transmission Logs, E3.5.114]"This is an unsecure line, Private Dragon."

"Private Dragon, this is Ellen Powers of Integristan. We need to confirm that an attack on our space did not come from Harutopia."

"Integristan?" Daniel barely contained a laugh. Conspiracy theorists abounded even in the Empire, decrying the Goddess as a warmonger and blaming her for everything from shortages to solar flares. This was hardly worth his time but, hey, he was bored. "What evidence do you have?"

"I can forward you some images and a potential design sketch our engineering departments put together," the voice crackled back. "Can you provide me with a line to your engineering?"

"Absolutely, no problem." Daniel hit his keyboard a few times to give the impression of looking up a number, then gave the caller a secured channel to his own terminal. "Send them whenever."

Images popped up on his screen a few minutes later. No way were they Harutopian, he was dealing with another piece of shit conspirator. He'd have to trace the line back and report the caller to the police and ...cripes, that was going to be a lot of work.

"Yeah, they say no way that's Harutopian or that it happened. Thanks for calling, please hold while I hang up on you."

He cut the line before the caller could say anything else, then hunched over to begin the long process of tracing the signal's origin.

----------

"Admiral, you have a video call waiting on your personal line."

Admiral Cog 'Fishmael' Wheel pulled his feet off his desk and sat up straight. It wasn't every day somebody called his personal line, almost nobody had that number. Maybe he should get out more, but the job needed done. Who could it be? He flipped the call on to a face he utterly did not recognize. "It's Cog, who is this?"

"Good day, Admiral," a high, feminine voice piped back. "This is Freohr Datia, secretary to the Sultan Integrity. We--"

Fishmael cut her off. "Integristan? How did you get this number?!"

His words were met with a testy smile. "Please, Admiral, do not question the efficacy of our operations, and do not interrupt me again. We need to arrange a meeting between your Empress and our Sultan. This is urgent."

"Hn." If this really was the Sultan himself calling, he really should pass it on to the Goddess. On the other hand, wasting the Goddess's time was generally a bad idea, unless she found the situation amusing somehow. Then you'd get away with it. "What do you have to interest her?"

"Tell her we have a peace offering that the Sultan himself is ...extremely confident she will find worth her while. I am sending you a preview..."

"...now."

Edited March 4, 2015 by Integrity

[Dandragon]

My only request is that I have a large stick to beat people with.

[Parrhesia]

Intercepted transmission from Codename: Additional Pylon

"No, Ensign Marrett, pale red is not pink. Pink! Pink. Paint it pink, for fuck's sake. Vivid! Bright! Haru-fucking-topian! Do you not have any pink paint here? Then fuckin' get some from supply! We're on the goddamn homeworld, there is gonna be a DIY shop somewhere planetside.

Ugh, is this thing on? Yeah, Command, this is Lieutenant Anna Rathskeller, reminding you formally I did not sign up for this shit. Oh, for- Conrad! Easy with the Empress' idol, yeah? Oh, striking out against false idolatry, are you?"

*sound of gunshot*

*distant yelp of pain*

"Yeah, so there's been some disciplinary problems. Nothing I can't handle. Stop crying, Conrad! It's a fucking leg shot! Oh, you are not bleeding, you fucking baby! Get back up! But yeah, it's all good here. Gonna be ready for inspection within, hell, three hours?

Just wish we had more time, y'know? Time or officers. Don't trust these raw rooks with the job. Already had to throw two guys into solitary who sprayed a big ol' cock on the new Harutopian insignia on the bridge. Which, admittedly, was pretty funny, but hell, rules are rules. Hey, Conrad! More walky, less talky! Or sobby. Or...

... huh.

Hey, you two, get that idiot into medical! And make sure there's no cracks on that bust, yeah? Want this to look real professional.

Hey, Command, where'd we get all this shit, anyway? ... A raid before the AI went mental? Well, um. I sure as fuck hope they take it in the right spirit. Either way, we have this in hand. Rathskeller signing off."