screenshot TheMoniker plays all of Markyjoe's crap(ALIVE ONCE MORE)

[lonelyVoxel]

Please do. You have no idea how frustrating it is to sit in front of your computer, tell yourself "I'm going to do some FE modding", then sit there for literally a minute because you just can't.

I hate it. So much

I know the feel. I was planning a hack but it fell apart because I was just too ambitious. I can't think small, I guess.

[Doctor Robert]

Matured? Relative to what? Back then? How long have you been following me?

I've never quite followed you, just encountered your videos over the years; but the fact that a lot of your life the last eight or so years is on YouTube aside... Gha! You remind me of a friend of mine a lot and maybe I had a slip in which I switched you with him and stuffs... Maybe I was just offering advice... It's a mystery! o.0

This is something I agree with.

I would be a supporter of RavenxLucius because of the rarity of homosexual pairings, but I don't because... I just don't think they have that kind of chemistry. The only vaguely "gay" sounding line in their supports is the part about Raven not getting married because he gets all his nagging from Lucius already. Otherwise, they give me the brotherly kind of love feel. I may not be gay, but I'm pretty sure homosexual relationships are more intimate sounding than this.

Exactly. The pairing as it exists in the fandom feels forced more than anything and I think that's the ultimate reason why I don't like it at the end of the day (that is, when my usual gripes about pairings that are oversaturatingly over-done-to-death settle down in the evening).

[MarkyJoe1990]

Welp. No work for the next few days. Might as well finally make my reply to the start of Episode 5.

Don't worry, Markyjoe didn't put snow around to slow us down! ...At least, if memory serves...

I think even then, I despised weather.

Just

Just

JUST

Not sure about you, but I find this scene hilarious. :P

This is one of the first few scenes in the game that was not written by me, but by Luizprower. Every now and then, I asked him for help with the writing whenever I was short on ideas. We'll be seeing a lot of his writing in this and the next chapter.

He's also really important to my hacking exploits since not only did he help with some of the writing, but he was also the source of a lot of my happiness at the time. We were very close. In fact, I used to call him my brother.

He is also the guy who introduced me to Reisen.

WARNING: Really depressing stuff!

But alas... down the line, something horrible happened to him that would separate him from the internet and subject him to five years of an environment that was more or less a living hell. He had no electricity, no water, and no money. I won't mention anything beyond those, but I will say that if those were the only problems he had, he probably would have been able to better cope with not having the internet.

I was one of his only internet friends whose phone number he had. During nights, he would call me and we'd talk for hours. I would get updates on his situation, and anything that was on his mind, I would listen. The guy was going insane, and a few times he told me he was giving up. All I could do was be his shoulder to cry on, and hope that I wouldn't lose my best friend in the whole damn world.

It was very lonely not having him online... I stopped talking to my other friends much, and there were days where all I did was wait for him to call. I became distant, and stopped caring about... pretty much everything. So long as I was doing well in collage and Luis was alive, I didn't care.

At some point, I came to a horrible realization. I had to move on. I couldn't keep living like this.

I tried to make new friends. None of them lasted, and some were outright toxic. One guy hacked my youtube account even. I became extremely bitter and anxious. I had no way of really expressing it though since I didn't enjoy talking to people anymore. Luis would listen, but I didn't want to talk about it because he had way worse problems than I did.

So how does someone like that get all this bottled up rage and anxiety out of his system?

... He makes video game commentaries.

Eliwood: Beautiful? Go on.

Hah, hah.

Give the man some credit. He knows what he wants.

Eliwood: Suiters are like bees. Theyll kill the hell out of each other to mate with the queen bee.

They actually won't.

If I were to remake this chapter today, I'd probably use my ASM skills to berserk most or all of the enemies. Though, I don't know if that'd be any fun, so maybe not.

Wil: Youre only saying that because this is a strategy RPG.

Eliwood: Exactly! Isnt that reason enough for us to go inside and kill things?

There are quite a few jokes Luis made in this hack that I didn't really get. The suitors = bees thing especially confuses me.

Lyn: She enjoyed teasing the suiters by having them look around the area to retrieve her stuff. Tee hee! She must be a very playful person to do that.

And thus the gimmick of this chapter is introduced!

Can't make functional treasure chests? Just shove the items down stairways!

You know, this hack sure has a lot of ellipses.

It's always been a habit of mine.

Why are there two thrones? Is one supposed to be for the lover who actually succeeds in winning her heart or something?

That might actually be what I was going for.

*GASP* It's SOPHIA!

Can we take a moment to realize that Karel is trying to win Sophia's heart over?

Like... What?

... That said, the crack pairing is intentional. I was fully aware of how stupid this all was.

Sophia: Wellno. I dont normally get the names of the men who face me before they storm off in frustration.

Uuuuuugh. Though, I will say. The writing, although satirical, is still cringeworthy. Sometimes intentionally, other times not. Most of it comes from my depiction of Sophia, who was depicted less like her canon self and more like Misuzu Kamio, who was my fictional crush before Reisen.

Sophia: Good job!

Karlo: Um Yeah, I did

Uh, okay...

Actually no. She's not like Misuzu Kamio. She's way more irrationally nice and friendly, and way less endearing. Regardless, you can see the influence.

Also UUUUUUUGGGGGH SO BAD ;-;

A PREPARATIONS SCREEN! HURRAH!

The first fully functional prep screen I did. Hurray~

There was CLEARLY no better choice than him for this.

Seriously? But whyyyyyy?

Huh? Who's this? More backstory time, I suppose.

BuringPenitentEngine was also known as MeltingSoul569. I called him Melty for short.

No way! I'll beat them handily, just like always!

The GhebFE influence...

This might come at a shock, but the map lined up PERFECTLY for screenshots! This is the entire thing!

As you can see, it's very large, with LOTS of enemies. We'll just to have to kill them all! Oh, and we can stand on the staircases to get stuff, which is exactly what we will do!

By this point in time, I was really confident in my eventing skills. For this chapter, I wanted to go all out. Pull out all the stops. Full super-ambition mode. This was going to be my magnum opus.

... Or I thought so at the time. Though, while I can list numerous chapters I've made that have way better execution and gameplay, only The Corruption Of Roy was a more ambitious chapter.

Regardless, this chapter is very important in the development of my level design skills. While I hadn't learned to scale down the size of the maps, I was so proud of this chapter that I wanted to make more like it. My approach to level design in all of Revised Edition more or less mimic'd the one I applied in this chapter: make a map, then cram it up to its pits with content and things that will keep the player interested throughout its duration.

The promoted enemies stand no chance against her. Mind you, this is the description for ALL the generic enemies, but only the promoted ones actually care about attacking Sophia.

I wonder. If a generic mates with a character, will the child have a face?

IT'S INSIDE-OUT MAN! YAY! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE HIM BACK!

Not really

This dude was the "favorite enemy" referred to earlier in the text.

Yeah. We're not getting through them.

Ahh... The things I did to work around having no map changes.

Wait a minute...

ALL THE FIGHTERS ARE DORCAS AHHHH

I can't help but feel like the cloned characters idea was something I picked up from other hacks at the time. Like, having a named enemy indicated that they would be stronger than normal ones. It's intuitive I suppose.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Edited March 3, 2015 by MarkyJoe1990

[TheMoniker]

Hurrah everyone, I'M BACK! But, I had no backlog prior to leaving for the vacation, so I have to record some more before we get an actual update! I can respond to some of the responses, though:

Lol, "Karlo" *twitches at the memory of Corrupt Theocracy*

Yeah, after LPing that portrait-copying insanity, it's hard to associate the normal portraits with their real names anymore...

Before I reply to the LP, lemme reply to the other posts first... I'll take my time replying to the actual LP though. I've been sitting here for, like, hours, and I need a break.

Y'know, speaking of which, I'm getting kinda sick of the thousand year old loli trope. Mainly because of how they're depicted. Like. How am I supposed to believe that this person, who has lived so long and presumably seen so many things, acts like a child? If I ever got back into ROM hacking, I want to deconstruct this trope and have the 700 year old girl act like a naggy grandma. That makes way more sense to me.

Honestly, any race that lived for 2000-seeminglyinfinity years would have to be designed entirely differently, mentally, in order not to go insane. Otherwise, everyone would just be a naggy grandma while barely even being able to walk!

I think even then, I despised weather.

I totally agree with you on that. Weather is kind if annoying. I mean, if it had actual interesting effects beyond "arbitrary way to slow you down", I would like it more, but nope.

Not sure about you, but I find this scene hilarious. :P

This is one of the first few scenes in the game that was not written by me, but by Luizprower. Every now and then, I asked him for help with the writing whenever I was short on ideas. We'll be seeing a lot of his writing in this and the next chapter.

He's also really important to my hacking exploits since not only did he help with some of the writing, but he was also the source of a lot of my happiness at the time. We were very close. In fact, I used to call him my brother.

He is also the guy who introduced me to Reisen.

Oh wow! That's really interesting! I can sort of see the difference in writing styles, now that I think about it (and I actually thought the reference to bees was funny).

WARNING: Really depressing stuff!

*really depressing stuff*

Man...I'm not really sure to react to stories like this! It's not that I doubt the truth of the story, but I've never really been in a point in my life where I've needed to comfort someone yet...so I don't know how. It's okay if you don't want to share exactly what happened, (though, if I had to guess it was a natural disaster or he was the victim of a country whose justice system/prisons are far worse than those in the US, though he could make phone calls so that's unlikely). Did things eventually get better for him?

If I were to remake this chapter today, I'd probably use my ASM skills to berserk most or all of the enemies. Though, I don't know if that'd be any fun, so maybe not.

The concept is interesting, but the more I think about it the more I realize it would be nearly impossible to design a good level while working with that.

I wonder. If a generic mates with a character, will the child have a face?

S/He'd have permanently closed eyes, and a thin slit for a mouth. They would die fast as eating would be impossible.

Alright. I have to catch up with other stuff too now that I'm back, but I'll try to start updating again sometime later today or tomorrow.

[RandomSwordmaster]

YAY! I CAN HAVE MY DAILY DOSE OF TERRIBLENESS! I've been suffering from withdrawal for the past 2 weeks :c I've been barely able to stay alive off of Fateborn's LPs...

[Doctor Robert]

Honestly, any race that lived for 2000-seeminglyinfinity years would have to be designed entirely differently, mentally, in order not to go insane. Otherwise, everyone would just be a naggy grandma while barely even being able to walk!

Well, maybe *you'd* go insane after 2000 years, but I sure wouldn't. The secret is in being half-insane... kinda bringing order and chaos together that.

Though I would require a starship in order to fill out the time most likely... and maybe with a music/art/film/writing studio aboard. But y'know, I'm not too picky. Hell if I had that much time I'd probably whip one up myself, alloys and all.

As for living forever... Well, I *might* go nuts, but who knows?

YAY! I CAN HAVE MY DAILY DOSE OF TERRIBLENESS! I've been suffering from withdrawal for the past 2 weeks :c I've been barely able to stay alive off of Fateborn's LPs...

Mee tooo! ^_^ (I was going to say somethin' like this... but you beat me to it)

[TheMoniker]

YAY! I CAN HAVE MY DAILY DOSE OF TERRIBLENESS! I've been suffering from withdrawal for the past 2 weeks :c I've been barely able to stay alive off of Fateborn's LPs...

Have you checked out Nin's Super Thracia LP? That's kinda terrible too(spoiler: 40 Mov max stat armors).

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 5: Episode 5: Part 1: Snow and Blood(well, actually, neither of those are in the chapter...)

First turn for the top group, Isadora's headed up to engage the slightly-offscreen archers, Lucianna is gonna head for the knights, and the rest are gonna hold off the Dorcas-es!

Lucianna succeeds, and gets an amazing level!

OR DOES HE

DANGIT

Okay, bad start, but that was totally my fault.

Clearly the best choice to combat them.

Her slim lance breaks, and she has no choice but to use the poison lance now until I can get now! Normally there wouldn't be a problem, since it has the exact same Mt as the Slim lance, but it's MUCH heavier!

Oh, and all the fighters have Swordreavers. The good news is, this means Florina can fight them!

Canas, on the other hand...

Sophia comes under attack, but these guys don't have a prayer. I'll be making occasional alludes to her combat, but don't expect a detailed account.

The archers have longbows. This is annoying.

More suitors come. This will continue, for all 12 of the turns and quite a while after.

This kinda implies that Sophia is under attack pretty much every single second of every single day, ever since she constructed this tower, by hundreds upon thousands of men who keep coming to kill her. It's a little crazy.

Lucianna re-gets her level, and of COURSE it's worse!

OH NO, HOW WILL WE HANDLE THE MYRM SQUAD

Oh, that's how.

Lyn miserably fails to crit, while Hector gets even more buff! And he can already more than one-shot these guys!

Worst Est EVER. And her speed streak has been broken!

HOW DO YOU LIKE IT ENEMIES

And now he's dead.

Even with his new blue boots, Wil is still the weak link on the bottom group.

Epic dodge!

After the first turn, the enemies begin revolving between steel and silver weapons(so, NOT copy-paste reinforcements...?), but it doesn't really change anything.

Res if like Wil's ONLY good stat.

Oh, what?

Um...

Recruitment hint!

Good thing I put Florina in the top group, or else Fiora would have just started hitting the wall until I got Florina up there!

I'd say about the odds of Fiora becoming "the black widow".

Florina's there for comparison, and honestly, it's pretty obvious who we're using. The only advantage Fiora has is Res, and a significant stash of free lances(which Florina will gladly take off her hands).

Time to test the stairs thing!

OH OKAY THEN

Wil reaches deep within himself...and finds the power to...

GET STRENGTH! I guess I'll take it.

We have penetrated this fortress of lust!

Florina beats on some more Dorcas, netting herself some speed and other stuff in the process!

Canas is honestly kind of generic and lame, but he can pull some weight so whatever.

Dangit Lucianna, where did the awesome levels go?

Oh man, she actually got hurt!

The green peg approaches!

Suddenly, SOME MORE EVENTING!

Sophia: A silver blade? Interesting.

Karel: I’m not going to lose this time! You’re going down!

He loses. And Sophia doesn't go down.

Sophia(eyes closed): My ears! Please stop screaming!

Karel: …

TOP MEDICAL SCIENCE GUYS

(seriously, I actually lol'd here)

Karel: … How did you do that!?

Sophia: Do what?

Karel: Agh! Nevermind!

Sophia: Mm… Would it be alright if I provided my criticisms once more?

Karel: Um… Sure.

Sophia: Thank you. Okay, well… You DID use a stronger sword, BUT…

Karel: …?

Sophia: …Silver blades are both heavy and inaccurate. You won’t be fast enough to land a blow on me with it.

Karel: AW COME ON! I HAVE LIKE A 21 SKILL STAT!

That's true Karel, but you only have like 9 Con!

Sophia: Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll do a better job next time. Just get a lighter, more accurate weapon. Kay?

Karel: This is getting really annoying…

And then he leaves.

Here is how the map is looking! We've killed a lot of troops, but there's plenty of castle left to conquer!

Oh, and I'll leave you with one last thing: Isadora being helpful!

NEXT TIME: More stair surprises! More eventing! More enemy destruction!

[Doctor Robert]

This kinda implies that Sophia is under attack pretty much every single second of every single day, ever since she constructed this tower, by hundreds upon thousands of men who keep coming to kill her. It's a little crazy.

Geez, don't these guys have anything better to do? (Though she is very nice here. XP )

[TheMoniker]

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 5: Episode 5: Part 2: The Story of the Terrible Swordsmaster and the Awesome Sage

Let's start with a recruitment!

Fiora: What!? How did you find me? I didn’t see you load on the screen at all!

Florina: Ahh! That is due to fog of war!

Fiora: Fog of war? But this scenario doesn’t HAVE fog of war.

Florina: Yes it does. It does… if you beliiieeeve!

Why would anyone want to believe fog of war?

Fiora: … Sooo… what’s up?

Florina: We came to recruit you! And some other stuff I guess. Something about killing? Or was it cat images? Incest is still hot, right?

Fiora: …

Florina: Well, anyway, would you like to join our party?

Sheesh! No need to be so vehement! Anyways, we know you're going to join eventually, so don't try and fight it!

Fiora: … Which I had nothing to do with his death.

Who was he? Was it Heath? Batta? Raven(somehow)?

Anyways, it looks like she really won't joi-

Oh, okay then.

Sorry Fiora, but...

WE CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

Markyjoe said he was one of the best characters. He was lying. So very lying.

Florina: You’re the best sister ever!

And now we have a Fiora in the party!

So STRONG!

Sophia is still wrecking everyone.

Oh no, magics!

WHATEVER SHALL WE DO

And so begins the epic fight of Lucianna versus Longbow.

Oh no, more Dor-hey, he's on my side!

Dorcas: I’ve had it with these mothermango clones in this mother mango mod! … Hey, is that Eliwood over there?

Boy, I wonder who recruits him!

Oh, of course. I mean. Of course.

So yeah, recruiting this guy is VERY luck-based if you don't leave Eliwood behind, in an area where you had literally no reason to leave him behind, since the archers can three-to-five-round him, and he has no hand axe. Good game design!

He isn't that tough, but he has a swordreaver so...

(I don't actually know)

Perfect level!

You think your short bows will help you with crits, huh? Well YOU'RE WRONG!

Yes please!

We seem to be off to a good start here.

Defense! Magic! But no speed!

No Wil! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STOP SUCKING!

Dorcas actually kills the longbow archer, but the steel bow one does more damage so...

Here he comes again!

Karel: Yes. This should be plenty accurate and easy to carry.

Sophia: Alright. Well… I’m ready when you are.

Karel: Fair enough.

Sophia: Wheee!

Sophia's getting some serious joy out of this!

Karel, I think that you're gonna be outclassed no matter what here.

TOTALLY NOT RIGGED OR ANYTHING

Sophia: You managed to dodge this time! You’re getting better!

Sophia: But… I thought…

Karel: Look. Do you have any idea where we are?

But if it's the living room...THEN WHY IS IT FULL OF DEAD PEOPLE?

*crickets*

Karel: … WHAT!? This isn’t a living room! This is a battlefield!

Sophia: Oh. That too. But this room’s called the living room.

Karel: Gah… You’re so blissfully naïve.

Sophia: Mm… I’m sorry. I’m not really good at talking to people much…

Karel: … sigh… No, it’s alright. I should be the one apologizing.

Sophia: …

Karel: You were always a bit socially inept. I suppose living alone in a big castle doesn’t help much.

Sophia: But… I’m not alone. The suiters visit me often.

I wouldn't really call this a "visit"...

Karel: Yeah, but it’s not like they actually try to TALK to you, right?

Sophia: Mm… No. They don’t.

Karel: I may not be a smart man… but I know what love is.

Sophia(eyes closed): …

Karel: Are you alright?

Sophia: I… well, can I give you criticism again please?

Karel: I wouldn’t mind.

Sophia: Thank you… The sword you were using was very weak. Although it touched my skin, my soft, delicate body’s too tough for it.

The magic chair, Sophia! Don't forget the magic chair!

(Seriously, how terribly do you have to design a sword to not even be able to penetrate skin?)

This would be better without the lampshades.

Karel: I guess I should get a stronger sword. … But then I won’t be able to hit you.

Sophia: Perhaps you should try something different.

Karel: Different?

Karel: Huh… Alright. I’ll be back later.

And thus he goes on an epic quest to find a Second Seal! Or...something!

Oh great, and now we have to deal with armor knights too!

I guess this is sort of helpful.

Anyways, I wonder what's down THESE stairs?

*GASP*

IT'S BEAUTIFUL

So yeah, this is the second incarnation of Glitch!Rath. Except he barely resembles Rath anymore, and the only thing that stayed the same besides the name was the Fimbulvetr(which lost it's 100 mt/130 crit powers, btw...apparently Markyjoe actually realized that that was a bad idea!)

Oh, and the stick! You'd better target a low speed unit with it, but it does penetrate defense, so it is in theory possible to train him. You'll all see how my attempt turns out shortly soon though, heh...

Hector should maybe invest in some skill.

Ugh, MORE of these losers!

Hey, didn't Markyjoe promise us a talk on shops? Ah well, might as well see what's in these ones!

There's a flux offscreen, but save for a barrier this is a pretty meh shop. And the armory?

EVEN WORSE! You really couldn't give us access to iron swords or lances? I grab a slim sword regardless, because Lyn is running out of low-tier swords.

Hector beats the archer, and actually gains skill! And speed! And defense! Hurrah!

We're almost there buddy! Hold o-

Oh. That's all the archers.

OR WAS IT? Dangit...

At the moment, the main enemies still alive to oppose us is the final barricade leading to the Walls surrounding Sophia's chamber. We're nearly done in gameplay, but there's lots of dialogue yet to see!

And we're gonna get some of it now!

Um...

Eliwood: Another dorcas clone!? I know what to do with you! Into the recycling bin with you!

Dorcas: What!? No! I’m not a clone you moron! I’m Dorcas!

Eliwood: Uh!? Wow it really IS you.

He sure accepted it fast!

Dorcas: Yeah. Now do me a favor and recruit me into your party!

Eliwood: Okay, but… Why?

Dorcas: If I come with you, I’ll get to see more of the mod. That way, I can find and kill more of these retard clones!

Eliwood: Sweet! Let’s get going then.

And then one little happiness garble? Okay?

And thus he begins his long career of smashing stuff.

Man, archers are everywhere! Lyn has to split into a threesome to take them out!

And they gain one stat each!

Lyn survives the subsequent enemy attack, albeit not exactly through luck. I'll cut it here, still have some recording to do.

NEXT TIME:

GUESS WHAT HAPPENS

Don't worry everyone, I'll be able to push out more than one wimpy update per day soon.

[Klokinator]

That Karel x Sophia conversation is maybe one of the worst things I've ever read in my entire life.

[RandomSwordmaster]

What is Karel going to do this time, buff Sophia?

inb4 he has epic powers

[MarkyJoe1990]

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Replying to TheMoniker!

Man...I'm not really sure to react to stories like this! It's not that I doubt the truth of the story, but I've never really been in a point in my life where I've needed to comfort someone yet...so I don't know how. It's okay if you don't want to share exactly what happened, (though, if I had to guess it was a natural disaster or he was the victim of a country whose justice system/prisons are far worse than those in the US, though he could make phone calls so that's unlikely). Did things eventually get better for him?

Simply listening is better than you think. A few people have tried to cheer me up with stuff like "It'll get better" or giving me some lecture about happiness and friendship. It comes off as really condescending and I just get more upset.

As for Luis, yeah, things got better for him. He has a full time job, lives in a better location, and he's online again, albeit less often than before. Our relationship isn't quite the same as it was before unfortunately, but... better than what has transpired at least.

I'll ask Luis if he's okay with me going into further detail. He has told me that he wants no one to know specific details, but the rest should be alright.

More suitors come. This will continue, for all 12 of the turns and quite a while after.

This kinda implies that Sophia is under attack pretty much every single second of every single day, ever since she constructed this tower, by hundreds upon thousands of men who keep coming to kill her. It's a little crazy.

Not so much kill her as trying to beat her into submission so she will have sex with them.

... Which sounds uncomfortably like something else.

OH NO, HOW WILL WE HANDLE THE MYRM SQUAD

Oh, that's how.

Man. That swordslayer makes Hector way too useful. =(

After the first turn, the enemies begin revolving between steel and silver weapons(so, NOT copy-paste reinforcements...?), but it doesn't really change anything.

I haven't looked at the event code in ages for this (The original text files are long gone), but if I really did just arbitrarily change their weapons against a foe they can't hope to defeat anyway... why?

Florina's there for comparison, and honestly, it's pretty obvious who we're using. The only advantage Fiora has is Res, and a significant stash of free lances(which Florina will gladly take off her hands).

I think you got RNG blessed pretty hard with Florina, I think Fiora normally has relatively better stats. Though, that doesn't mean much considering her only realistic use is in chapter 7...

Florina beats on some more Dorcas, netting herself some speed and other stuff in the process!

Worth noting that I think I intentionally gave them swordreavers specifically to make Florina useful here. Though, it could have also been to make it easier for Fiora to survive. *shrug*

The current me hates it when enemies are given very game-changing weaponry like this. It forces you to check inventory very often, and that can get tedious. I've never enjoyed hacks that change weapon stats drastically or give the enemies way too diverse weaponry.

Sophia: Mm Would it be alright if I provided my criticisms once more?

Karel: Um Sure.

I hate this line. I don't know why. It just bothers me.

Let's start with a recruitment!

If anyone thought this cutscene was funny, I'll be sad to inform you that Luis wrote most of this one. :P

Fiora: Which I had nothing to do with his death.

Who was he? Was it Heath? Batta? Raven(somehow)?

When writing that part, I didn't really think of anyone beyond some random bloke.

Markyjoe said he was one of the best characters. He was lying. So very lying.

Eliwood's usefulness mainly comes from Light Brands... which you didn't buy.

Though, maybe I should replay this game to see if I'm just not remembering right.

Oh no, more Dor-hey, he's on my side!

Dorcas: Ive had it with these mothermango clones in this mother mango mod! Hey, is that Eliwood over there?

Boy, I wonder who recruits him!

I designed this hack with BuringPenitentEngine in mind. He wasn't a good FE player, and had a huge aversion to stuff that's difficult. As a result, I designed most of these recruitments to be stupidly obvious.

Oh, of course. I mean. Of course.

So yeah, recruiting this guy is VERY luck-based if you don't leave Eliwood behind, in an area where you had literally no reason to leave him behind, since the archers can three-to-five-round him, and he has no hand axe. Good game design!

I'm sorry! ;-;

He isn't that tough, but he has a swordreaver so...

(I don't actually know)

I specifically recall making his speed growth very high. His growths in general are good I think. I never liked how bad the fighters were in FE7. Alas, my balancing skills still had a lot to be desired; I still hadn't learned the importance of good base stats.

Sophia's getting some serious joy out of this!

I actually do think there is some form of endearment to their relationship in a weird way. Despite the fact that they are fighting each other, it's clear that they respect each other.

I think this is the point where I started taking this satirical crack pairing too seriously though, because...

Karel: You were always a bit socially inept. I suppose living alone in a big castle doesnt help much.

GUUUUUGH. Implied history! Though, I think I cringe at this far more than other people. Most people don't know that I wrote that line with the "childhood friend" trope in mind.

But wait, maybe taking it seriously ended up making it more satirical... I don't flippin' know anymore.

It is what it is, I guess.

Karel: Yeah, but its not like they actually try to TALK to you, right?

Sophia: Mm No. They dont.

Karel: I may not be a smart man but I know what love is.

Forest Gump reference!

Sophia: Thank you The sword you were using was very weak. Although it touched my skin, my soft, delicate bodys too tough for it.

The magic chair, Sophia! Don't forget the magic chair!

(Seriously, how terribly do you have to design a sword to not even be able to penetrate skin?)

If Karel stands on the chair, he'll need a ranged weapon to fight her, and seeing how the only ranged swords attack the resistance stat... I'm just overanalyzing your posts at this point. >.<

Anyway yeah. I guess if I was taking this scene seriously, I'd try to justify it by saying Sophia's half-dragon, and thus has rougher skin than a normal human. But that would probably make her less appealing to her sex-crazed suitors since hard body = painful sex.

... But I must keep reminding myself that Sophia x Karel was done with tongue in cheek.

This would be better without the lampshades.

I absolutely hate when people say "It's FE, it doesn't need to make sense", not just because it's a non-joke often used with humorous intent, but because I find it utterly ignorant and dismissive of a series that - on average - has decent story telling.

While a fantasy story doesn't need to align with the real world in order to be good and invest the reader, it still needs to be consistent and easy to follow.

And thus he goes on an epic quest to find a Second Seal! Or...something!

Nintendo better pay up for stealing my idea~

IT'S BEAUTIFUL

So yeah, this is the second incarnation of Glitch!Rath. Except he barely resembles Rath anymore, and the only thing that stayed the same besides the name was the Fimbulvetr(which lost it's 100 mt/130 crit powers, btw...apparently Markyjoe actually realized that that was a bad idea!)

BuringPenitentEngine was super happy that Glitch Rath made it in this game...

Oh, and the stick! You'd better target a low speed unit with it, but it does penetrate defense, so it is in theory possible to train him. You'll all see how my attempt turns out shortly soon though, heh...

...In fact, BuringPenitentEngine actually went and trained him in a non-canon run, and showed him off on-camera. Shame his con lets him down so bad even after he's leveled...

Hey, didn't Markyjoe promise us a talk on shops? Ah well, might as well see what's in these ones!

Ah yes! I did! Thanks for reminding me!

You might have noticed that almost every chapter in this hack has a shop and armory.

I'm a player who is typically very bad at planning ahead. In many of my playthroughs, I've skipped shops and then gotten myself into a sticky situation as a result. Instead of blaming myself, I blamed the game.

As a result, almost every chapter in Fire Mumblem has a shop. Nowadays, I'm stingy as hell with these things, to the point where I even play it for laughs in a later hack.

Um...

Eliwood: Another dorcas clone!? I know what to do with you! Into the recycling bin with you!

Dorcas: What!? No! Im not a clone you moron! Im Dorcas!

Eliwood: Uh!? Wow it really IS you.

He sure accepted it fast!

Considering this is the first Dorcas to say anything besides "Garble", I think this is plausible.

... Though, I never made it clear that Eliwood and Co. witnessed the Dorcas clones saying "Garble", so this woulda worked better with a bit of build up.

And then one little happiness garble? Okay?

I dunno. I guess I made that his battle cry or something. Really, I shoulda used Bartre since at least he has the hot blooded personality to make that fit. >_<

In fact, Dorcas cloning Bartre probably has way more potential than the other way around.

NEXT TIME:

GUESS WHAT HAPPENS

N-ninian!?

[TheMoniker]

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Replying to TheMoniker!

You, sir, have great taste in intros!

Simply listening is better than you think. A few people have tried to cheer me up with stuff like "It'll get better" or giving me some lecture about happiness and friendship. It comes off as really condescending and I just get more upset.

As for Luis, yeah, things got better for him. He has a full time job, lives in a better location, and he's online again, albeit less often than before. Our relationship isn't quite the same as it was before unfortunately, but... better than what has transpired at least.

I'll ask Luis if he's okay with me going into further detail. He has told me that he wants no one to know specific details, but the rest should be alright.

Okay, it's good to know that it worked out for him. There's no need to share specifics.

Not so much kill her as trying to beat her into submission so she will have sex with them.

I suppose she brings it upon herself, since she apparently designed this castle and the challenge system or whatever. Really though, how do so many people hear about this? Does she flood advertisements into the aforementioned HD TV?

Man. That swordslayer makes Hector way too useful. =(

This is just the start of the Swordslayer adventures!

The current me hates it when enemies are given very game-changing weaponry like this. It forces you to check inventory very often, and that can get tedious. I've never enjoyed hacks that change weapon stats drastically or give the enemies way too diverse weaponry.

When you can easily see an enemy's equipped weapon just by hovering over them, it's okay, but it's just aggravating when tons and tons of enemies have special/reaver weapons.

If Karel stands on the chair, he'll need a ranged weapon to fight her, and seeing how the only ranged swords attack the resistance stat... I'm just overanalyzing your posts at this point. >.<

I mean SOPHIA'S magic chair.

I absolutely hate when people say "It's FE, it doesn't need to make sense", not just because it's a non-joke often used with humorous intent, but because I find it utterly ignorant and dismissive of a series that - on average - has decent story telling.

While a fantasy story doesn't need to align with the real world in order to be good and invest the reader, it still needs to be consistent and easy to follow.

Yeah, calling "Willing Suspension of Disbelief" on blatant logic flaws is pretty much the laziest thing you can do. WSoD is used for stuff like why magic can exist in Fire Emblem even though it doesn't in the real world, not why Magic D, which has the ability to counter Magic C, the hero's primary weapon(and Magic D apparently always existed) was never mentioned or used by anyone before even though you're 30 hours in. (Not using a real game/hack here, just an example.)

...In fact, BuringPenitentEngine actually went and trained him in a non-canon run, and showed him off on-camera. Shame his con lets him down so bad even after he's leveled...

Wow, are his growths any good?

You might have noticed that almost every chapter in this hack has a shop and armory.

I'm a player who is typically very bad at planning ahead. In many of my playthroughs, I've skipped shops and then gotten myself into a sticky situation as a result. Instead of blaming myself, I blamed the game.

As a result, almost every chapter in Fire Mumblem has a shop. Nowadays, I'm stingy as hell with these things, to the point where I even play it for laughs in a later hack.

Well, I do think that situations where you run out of weapons can sometimes be the game's fault in part, such as throwing tons at you before you get a convoy, so you have to juggle inventory space to stock up, and then once you get a convoy withholding shops for like 3-5 chapters.

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 5: Episode 5: Part 3: The Conclusion of the Romance Story

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

DANCE BATTLE!

It ends with nothing else happening, and then they both minify!

Karel: ……..

Sophia: What’s wrong?

Karel: I suck…

Sophia: Wh…what?

Sophia: Th…That’s not true! I think you’re very good at life!

Yeah Karel, don't get yourself down over some stupid board game!

Karel: Look at me! I’m a dancer! How much worse can I be!?

Sophia: …

Karel: Well!?

Sophia: At least you’re better than I am…

Karel: Uh?

When did this suddenly become...almost touching!?

Sophia: I’ve never done anything else with my life except tease amorous men…

Karel: No… Sophia, that’s not true, you used to be more than this…

Sophia: I… I don’t think I…

Karel: When we were younger, you were a very quite, kind girl. No one ever really talked to you much except me. But even despite that… Whenever there was another kid suffering… You always came over and talked to them. Just to ease their pain. That is the Sophia I know… It saddens me to see that you’ve been reduced to this…

Sophia: I… Why don’t I remember any of this…?

Karel: I don’t know why. I didn’t even know you had forgotten until now.

Okay, it's back to normal.

Sophia: …

Karel: I’m gonna try to get my class right this time. Wait for me until then.

And thus Karel leaves, leaving Sophia for the infinite waves of suiters.

And then comes knights!

Now's the chance to give Rath a kill!

...This might take a few tries.

*LIKE 10 TRIES LATER*

Thank you! And now Rath can-

-ACTUALLY KILL HIM? I thought for SURE the Stick was an always-devil weapon! That's what happened to Rath in my first run, even after I RNG abused! Dangit! Inconsistencies!

We get started on the first InsideOut.

HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME MARKYJOE

LIGHT BRANDS OR NO, HOW COULD YOU CONSIDER THIS GOOD?

Sophia continues destroying these guys.

WELP

RATH IS DEAD

Can you find the (two) hidden messages?

We're almost done, but the reinforcements keep coming! We've almost made it to the Wall line though!

Not who I planned to get the kill, but ok!

Canas will now proceed to kill ALL the mages.

Enemy destruction continues.

Oh, great!

Speed! Defense!

Magic!

...HP?

I attack the Wall just for fun. It doesn't even give XP.

And suddenly, in comes... uh...

Sophia: You’ve returned… as a dragon? How did you manage that?

Sophia: Well alright. Good enough for me.

Good writing, everybody!

Karel: I think I can beat you this time. But if I can’t, then… do you have any other advice?

Sophia: Not really. A dragon is about as strong as they get. I mean, the final boss of this game USED to be a dragon.

Karel: Hmm… Alright. If this fails… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to beat you.

Sophia: …

You know, you could just morph into an assassin and try again and again until you proc'd lethality.

FINAL FIGHT, BEGIN!

Poor, poor Karel.

And then, in order to show Karel changing, the screen goes black for a minute! Brilliant eventing!

I do too, Karel.

Sophia: Karel! I didn’t mean to hurt you so bad! Please, forgive me!

Karel: Ggh… You remember… my name?

Sophia: Yes! Somehow, I remembered!

Didn't he mention it to her at some point?

Karel: That’s good… I’m happy you were able to remember me before I…

Sophia: I remember everything now! … No… he can’t be dead.

Sophia: But… I can’t carry him and fight off suiters at the same time. …Wait! I know what to do!

MAKES SENSE

Sophia: Now I just need to find someone who will care enough to help me! … And not be worried that I just ate someone!

And then the walls die! We can get into her room now!

BUT THE SUITORS ARE STILL COMING

So, here's the deal. Sophia is off her throne, AND she's carrying a ---(looked in the unit list, but despite it allegedly being a blue unit, I couldn't find it. Is it some type of placeholder?). Her stats are reduced, and now she can't dodge or double half as well. It takes her two rounds to kill the infinite suiters, who will slowly chip down her health. She has an elixir, but still, the suiters WILL eventually win. Anyone can talk to her to end the chapter, but they have to do it without attracting the lethal attentions of the suiters, which tend to cluster around her.

So, here we go!

WHAT THE HECK NINO

WHAT THE HECK

Lyn being here just for backrubbing is right!

Okay Nino. You're forgiven.

A little.

Here's how her combat looks now. Oh, and the swordsmasters DOUBLE her.

Oh great, the normal guys are still coming! I thought we'd be left alone!

When do these guys end, by the way? I'm curious.

We COULD talk to Sophia right now and finish things, but we haven't checked all the staircases!

Perfect!

I, uh, hope Isadora can survive a round...

If the heroes were still using silver weapons she would have been doubled and died, but the steel axe weighs him down enough that Isadora lives.

Bluh.

I hate these levels. It's like the unit is trying to skip over all the GOOD stats!

Second InsideOut down! Now to get to the staircase he was guarding...

She's still holding out okay...but for HOW LONG...

Oh great! The hero came our way! GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO!

No, Sophia! Too early, you could have gone an extra turn or two!

They never stop!

Fiora's sneaking around to procure that staircase...

COMMENCE ASSAULT!

Okay chip level.

Dangit, Wil!

You forced me to reset, and the chip level was different!

Now, for the finisher...

CAN YOU GUESS IT...

POWER OF THE SWORDSLAYER! Turns out the enemy doesn't actually need to hold a sword for it to work!

Hector gets EVEN BUFFER.

You know, now that I know we are strong enough to kill these guys, I could just grind off them forever, using my Earth seals until I was strong enough to pound them easily...

Or not, because I'm too lazy.

I'll take it! The speed streak is back on!

Hey Markyjoe, what's your recommendation for the level to promote these guys at?

You know, Dorcas would be good, if Hector didn't already do everything he does better.

Sophia finished with a bang. Almost time to wrap up!

Canas basically killed all the mages. He's a bit overleveled now.

Level 12, and not one important stat above 10. Wow.

I delayed finishing for THAT? You could give us something better for going so out of our way!

This, on the other hand...

Next time: The ending dialogue! Prepare for more EXCELLENT WRITING!

I still need to conclude the poll...eh...I'll get to it later...

[HF Makalov Fanboy Kai]

that vore fetish tho.

granted i'm into that too, but not in this hilarious context.

i wanna see how he explains inserting this into the game.

Edited March 10, 2015 by HF Makalov Fanboy Kai

[TheMoniker]

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

The EPISODE 5 CONCLUSION!

Oh, I guess he teleported across the map or something.

Sophia: I need your help.

Eliwood: Do you need some backrubbin?

Sophia: I have a wounded person that needs healing.

Eliwood: Hehe. A good swing of my pink torpedo will heal ALL your wounds.

Innuendos!

Sophia: Will you please listen to me?

Eliwood: Um… alright, what is it?

You could have made an excellent "IS THAT PREGNANCY" joke here Marky. Shame on you.

Sophia: Yes. I know.

Eliwood: …That was hawt.

Sophia: … sigh… Look, please just help him. I forgot to buy a healing staff at the local store.

Eliwood: But isn’t there one somewhere in your castle?

Sophia: There isn’t much time! Please, heal him! Do something besides fap to my presence!

Eliwood: Alright alright. Serra!

Eliwood: See that guy right there?

Serra: Yeah! He’s a good looking fella.

Eliwood: Heal him.

Serra: What!? Can’t I have my way with him first!

WHY IS EVERYBODY PERVERT

Sophia: If you lay a hand on him…!

Serra: Aw come on. I’m just kidding. Here we go.

And then that happens. The screen could have at least flashed or something.

Sophia: Karel! You live!

That line

This writing

Serra: Yay! Everyone’s happy again!

Eliwood: Especially my banana!

And then transition!

Sophia: Thank you, for everything, stranger! Though, please don’t act like a pervert next time you visit.

Eliwood: Mm? Oh yeah, no problem. I just thought it’d be funny to act that way.

This is how you woo women in real life people.

Besides. How could I NOT help you? You’re the goal of this chapter! Without you, we wouldn’t have been able to get to the next episode!

Sophia: Ah. Well, I’m glad I was made the goal then.

I thought you had a crush on her! What the heck happened?

I accidentally caught their blink frames, but as a result they look all tired and weary. It has an interesting effect.

Hector: It was too easy.

Lyn: So… now what?

Eliwood: What do you mean ‘now what’? Now we explain the moral of the story!

BEST INSULT EVER

Lyn: So what is the moral of the story?

Lyn: Don’t do… WHAT!?

I love this hack.

Hector: Which is why we’re delivering this message now.

Uh...typo!?

Eliwood: Got it, you mangos?

I'm not sure that's the right thing to say!

I just said that!

NO! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? WHAT DO I NEED CHECKED OUT?

Hector: Anyways. I sure hope that Sophia chick joins the army someday. I mean, did you see those stats? It’s like the hacker REALLY likes Sophia.

Future recruitment hint? Was Sophia ever planned to actually be in the hack? I mean, as a recruitable character?

Fiora: Me? I’m Fiora.

Hector: Sweet! Wanna be my new butt buddy?

Fiora: Would I ever! Take me away, Hector!

Hector: Florina, you’ve been replaced!

Hector man, he's a piece of cheating scum, and doesn't deserve all the strength he gets.

And with that, we can FINALLY move on to the last completed episode of the hack! I'll be showing the incomplete one, but I won't actually play it for reasons that will become very clear.

[Doctor Robert]

Dorcas: I’ve had it with these mothermango clones in this mother mango mod! … Hey, is that Eliwood over there?

Oh, that dates this pretty hard... XD

And thus he goes on an epic quest to find a Second Seal! Or...something!

Nintendo better pay up for stealing my idea~

I'll bet you somebody in Japan thought of the Second Seal around the time you were in kindergarten, then grew up, then got a job at IS, and then made the suggestion for the Second Seal for FE13...

Can you find the (two) hidden messages?

So... why is Lute top tier? Doesn't make much sense... but maybe that's the point!!

They never stop!

I'm guessing that "Last Turn" thingy just goes on forever?

EDIT:

WHY IS EVERYBODY PERVERT

Why, MarkyJoe, WHY!!!??? You destroy my headcanon! >.<

This is how you woo women in real life people.

If you're A. 14 years old and B. A blithering idiot

Edited March 10, 2015 by Doctor Robert

[momogeek2141]

The part where he says don't do drugs makes it sound like some kind of middle school project. Though everything else point far, far away from that possibility.

[MrNight48]

some of these jokes/writing are a hit and miss experiment.

but when it works.... xD

[TheMoniker]

I'm guessing that "Last Turn" thingy just goes on forever?

Yup.

Okay, the poll has concluded, and almost everyone agrees: We WILL play the Corruption of Roy! Also, I'm apparently awesome! Thanks for your input, everybody!

Now, the new poll has a decision between...well, you'll see, once you read this update!

We kind of already did the intro, so let's get to...

The EPISODE 6 PRELUDE!

Ooh, this sounds fun!

(It's actually not)

We walk onto the map in a... rather odd way.

Don't worry Eliwood, this is pretty much the end!

Hector: Not too long probably… Judging by the level of effort, or lack thereof, I’d say we’re near the end.

Lyn: You never know with hackers. Sometimes, they get better. … And more sadistic.

Eliwood: Yeah. I agree with Lyn. I remember the first time I played Kaizo Mario… That shit traumatized me for life… god damn invisible blocks…

Hector: You pussy. Kaizo Mario was easy. Grow some balls. Play Super Mario Frustration, THEN you can complain.

Lyn: I haven’t heard of either of those. I’ve only played a hack that makes Mega Man a little girl. It was cute.

Hector: …

Eliwood: …

Lyn: …What?

Hector: Lyn?

Lyn: Yes?

*gasp*

It all makes sense now.

Lyn tries to deny it, but Hector...

Hector: …THEN YOU ARE THE HOTTEST KIND OF LOLICON LOVER. I approve.

Eliwood: Hector. Do you know what you’re saying!?

Hector: Yeah, of course I do!

Are you SURE?

Hector: Okay, I don’t.

Eliwood: Bah. Too late anyway. Everyone is giving you odd looks.

I hate it when that happens.

Then, a merc appears and walks 10 miles to get to us! GUESS WHO HE IS?

Eliwood: That’s your introduction? That’s so cliché.

Glass: Hah! Well mango you! I’ll say whatever lines I please! I am Glass. The gods fear my name, so you can suck my pineapple.

Eliwood: Whatever, I’m just going to punch your generic pineapple out then!

Is this supposed to be some sort of innuendo? I don't get it.

Glass: Bah! I won’t be so generic when you see what this hack has done for me!

Eliwood: Uh? How in any way can this mod make you NOT cliché?

Uh oh...

Glass: Watch this!!!

Eliwood: Wah!?

Hector: Oh!?

Enthused reactions!

Another fade-to-black transition shows...

THE POWER OF SAIYAN GLASS!

(Seriously...the portrait...)

Versus what? An E10+ rated death?

Oh, what? When did you show up? And why did the picture glitch up to make your eyes look surprisingly feminine?

Glass: Hmm?

Ignore the dialogue, and look at Glass's AMAZING blink frame.

Some list you got there, buddy!

Sain: I’d have to give that a big nugatory.

Eliwood: Oh, that’s what I thought. Okay, now we can take…

I'm not up on my legend knowledge, but, uh, yeah?

Glass: Are you telling me that I’m as authentic as those cheap LCD games you find at a dollar store!?

I've used those before, they're actually okay time-wasters!

AND THUS WE ARE THROWN INTO THE PREP SCREEN!

END DIALOGUE

We have to leave two units out. Sorry Dorcas, but Hector is better.

Oh wow, he actually CAN use it! I don't do it, though.

Statbooster decisions. I'm so good at this.

SUCH CLEVER, INNOVATIVE UNIT PLACEMENT OPTIONS

Starting the chapter...

Sain: To have to fight against Lyn and the others? This is a twist of fate unsuited for a Knight of Caelin.

Oh. Uh oh.

Kent: Indeed… Lyn. Forgive me.

Sain: Uh? Oh no no, Kent! Surely you jest such manly tears!

Kent: …

Sain: Mm… Sorry. My words must have wounded thee.

Kent: Sain… I’m defecting…

Sain: What!? Kent! You can’t do that!

Kent: Why not!? Who’s stopping me!?

Kent: …!

Glass: Scumbag, my powers of saiyan awesome have restrained you from escaping. You couldn’t defect even if you tried. Have fun slaughtering your friends! Gahahaha!

You're cavaliers! And there's two of you! Couldn't you just...oh, right. Saiyan magic. Nearly forgot.

Kent: …

Sain: Kent. I don’t know what to say… Except that we have hope!

Kent: Wha? But he said that-…

Sain: What he said was true. But I know a special anti-saiyan technique. It requires both of us to work together to use it.

Kent: Is this true!?

Sain: I kid you not. However. There is a catch.

Kent: A catch…?

AND HERE IS THE CHOICE

Kent: Wh…wha!? Sain, are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?

That the choice is obvious?

Wow Markyjoe, way to set a mood!

Sain: …Anyways. Another catch to the technique is that the player must initiate it.

Kent: The player?

When people say my name, I get a euphoric rush of power. It's like I'm a religion slowly gaining followers.

Kent: Oh. THAT player.

Sain: Kent. I want you to go on without me. Tend to Lyn. Give her some head. For my sake as well.

Kent: … Sain. I can’t do that. I wish for you to defect instead…

Sain: No Kent. I don’t wish to. I’m a loyal knight of Caelin. What better way to show my integrity than through self sacrifice? Besides Kent. You’ve always been more inclined towards duty than I. All I’ve been is a womanizer…

OH. SO THIS IS HAPPENING NOW.

Sain: Do what you can, Kent.

We already have Isadora! Can't we trade her in?

So. This map. First off, I'd like to say I did miss two tiles on the right end, but the whole thing is mirrored so it doesn't matter.

Anyways, this is probably one of my least favorite chapters in this entire thing. It's long, full of enemies, and it's boring, because barely anybody moves, so you mostly spend your time slowly cutting through those MASSIVE armor walls. While the last chapter had events and stuff to keep things entertaining, this chapter has no special dialogue until the very end(you could have put Sain/Kent in the middle!), and is really just a drag. It'll be tough, but I'll pull through, just for the last dialogue scene and to show off the incomplete final chapter.

The enemies have risen to level 14, have gained lots of HP and are very annoying to kill, and they don't even give huge XP anymore since our units are all level 12-14 at the moment!

Oh, and they can't decide whether they're called "bandit" or "black fang". It's weird.

Sain and Kent both have pretty okay stats, and one piece of special gear. The question is, who to pick? You decide! I'll show off the dialogue for both choices, if it's any different, but you decide which one is canon!

SAIYAN GLASS has an unedited description, and he appears to be an INSANELY tough boss. Then again, we won't know for sure until we get to him. Hopefully I can manage at least one promotion by then!

NEXT TIME: The trek begins.

[HF Makalov Fanboy Kai]

atleast he didn't go super saiyan 3

[MarkyJoe1990]

God damn, I really need to catch up, don't I?

When did this suddenly become...almost touching!?

When I started taking it a bit more seriously than I originally intended. Karel and Sophia's exchanges are really weird in that sometimes I can believe what's going on, and other times it's clearly being tongue in cheek. I'm not going to say the writing is good, mind you. The fact that it's so convincing when it's not supposed to be speaks to how bad it actually is.

And thus Karel leaves, leaving Sophia for the infinite waves of suiters.

I can totally picture this scene on film. Karel runs off into the crowd of people. Sophia, with a face of longing, hand outstretched, silently bids him farewell. Alone... once more.

Man, I shoulda drew a CG to depict that. If this didn't get genuinely serious every now and then, it'd be super hilarious.

-ACTUALLY KILL HIM? I thought for SURE the Stick was an always-devil weapon! That's what happened to Rath in my first run, even after I RNG abused! Dangit! Inconsistencies!

The stick penetrates all defenses, and has devil reversal. The way devil reversal works is that you have a 31% chance of getting hurt by your own attack, and each point of luck reduces that percentage by 1.

Now, the other thing in mind is that Glitch Rath also secretly has lethality, so in theory, he can kill any unit, regardless of defense and HP, so long as he lands lethality.

HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME MARKYJOE

LIGHT BRANDS OR NO, HOW COULD YOU CONSIDER THIS GOOD?

You'd be surprised how powerful Light Brands actually are, dude. They don't seem strong because you usually get them in the late game of most FEs, but due to the way the Light Brand formula works, it's pretty overpowered in the early game. Eliwood also only gets 2 points of AS loss from it, and most enemies in this hack will never double him anyway.

But again... I gotta go replay the hack and see for myself.

RATH IS DEAD

Can you find the (two) hidden messages?

I only intended one, but now I see two...

One of those shows up in a later hack of mine.

Sophia: You’ve returned… as a dragon? How did you manage that?

Sophia: Well alright. Good enough for me.

Good writing, everybody!

Karel's line here makes me laugh every time~

Karel: Hmm… Alright. If this fails… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to beat you.

Sophia: …

You know, you could just morph into an assassin and try again and again until you proc'd lethality.

Y'know what? You're right.

I shoulda gave her an Iron Rune to cover that up.

Poor, poor Karel.

And then, in order to show Karel changing, the screen goes black for a minute! Brilliant eventing!

In my defense, I'm not sure what else I coulda done. I guess add an earthquake perhaps, or the fiery effect, but I think both were unavailable at the time...

Ah well.

I do too, Karel.

Conversely, the RNG loves the hell outta Sophia. That fight shoulda gone way differently.

Sophia: Karel! I didn’t mean to hurt you so bad! Please, forgive me!

Karel: Ggh… You remember… my name?

Sophia: Yes! Somehow, I remembered!

Didn't he mention it to her at some point?

I don't think she did, but if I'm wrong, I'm not surprised.

MAKES SENSE

I love seeing how people react to this. I think more hacks should be deliberately preposterous like this. Makes great LP material.

And then the walls die! We can get into her room now!

BUT THE SUITORS ARE STILL COMING

Hm... I wish I knew at the time that if you change the chapter map, you also change the goal of the chapter. By copying this chapter completely, I would have been able to change the chapter goal to "Talk to Sophia", and not have the "Last Turn" thing flashing all the time.

Though. I guess it's pretty clear what the player's supposed to do at this point anyway.

So, here's the deal. Sophia is off her throne, AND she's carrying a ---(looked in the unit list, but despite it allegedly being a blue unit, I couldn't find it. Is it some type of placeholder?). Her stats are reduced, and now she can't dodge or double half as well. It takes her two rounds to kill the infinite suiters, who will slowly chip down her health. She has an elixir, but still, the suiters WILL eventually win. Anyone can talk to her to end the chapter, but they have to do it without attracting the lethal attentions of the suiters, which tend to cluster around her.

So, here we go!

This part of the chapter is pretty neat in my opinion. Just the whole idea of having to find a way to get to Sophia without facing a turn against the promoted suitors. I do think it's possible to kill them though, so I think even without a unit with lots of movement, this is still possible. Just. Less so.

WHAT THE HECK NINO

WHAT THE HECK

That's some pretty bad RNG there.

But I've seen worse. :P

Much worse.

Oh great, the normal guys are still coming! I thought we'd be left alone!

When do these guys end, by the way? I'm curious.

I think I programmed them to end after several turns have passed. By that point though, Sophia will be dead anyway, so for all intents and purposes, never.

Perfect!

Huh. I forgot all about those two staircases.

POWER OF THE SWORDSLAYER! Turns out the enemy doesn't actually need to hold a sword for it to work!

Swordslayer is effective against Myrmidons, Swordmasters, Mercenaries, and Heroes. It doesn't care what they're actually wielding.

Hector gets EVEN BUFFER.

You know, now that I know we are strong enough to kill these guys, I could just grind off them forever, using my Earth seals until I was strong enough to pound them easily...

Or not, because I'm too lazy.

Without savestates, that'd be too risky. Also, I think I planned for that; eventually they stop giving EXP.

I'll take it! The speed streak is back on!

Hey Markyjoe, what's your recommendation for the level to promote these guys at?

Promote Nino at level 20. If you want to beat Chapter 7 in, like 5 turns, she's your best option for killing the boss, I think.

The rest don't matter. You can get through the rest of the game without promoting them, but doing it in chapter 6 is recommended because it's a huge trudgefest as it is.

I delayed finishing for THAT? You could give us something better for going so out of our way!

A more genorous man woulda given you a Spear I guess.

that vore fetish tho.

granted i'm into that too, but not in this hilarious context.

i wanna see how he explains inserting this into the game.

I wasn't actually gonna mention it, but yeah... I'm into some weird stuff.

Though. I wasn't just being self indulgent with having Sophia eat Karel. I was trying to think of something really preposterous and that's just what came to mind.

Eliwood: Hehe. A good swing of my pink torpedo will heal ALL your wounds.

Innuendos!

And it's not even original. I stole the "pink torpedo" line from a movie called "This Is Spinal Tap"

You could have made an excellent "IS THAT PREGNANCY" joke here Marky. Shame on you.

Yeah... yeah...

And then that happens. The screen could have at least flashed or something.

The "Healing!" line was influenced by MageKnight404. I was a fan of his for a brief period of time. I would watch his videos when I was at college waiting in between classes.

Ah... I miss those days. Maybe going back to college would make me more productive again.

Anyway, yeah. The lack of flash and drama hear is supposed to be funny. Karel's line, with it's utterly passionless delivery, is supposed to hint at that.

I thought you had a crush on her! What the heck happened?

Are you referring to me or Eliwood?

I mean, either way, it's in character for FM Eliwood to be a jerk, so...

I love this hack.

So yeah. I'm seriously worried that people actually thought the SophiaxKarel thing was actually serious. Hopefully this line makes it clear. ;-;

Uh...typo!?

I prefer to believe that he actually does want kids to do drugs.

Hector: Anyways. I sure hope that Sophia chick joins the army someday. I mean, did you see those stats? It’s like the hacker REALLY likes Sophia.

Future recruitment hint? Was Sophia ever planned to actually be in the hack? I mean, as a recruitable character?

Yes. She was going to be this game's "Archsage Athos" in that she joins very late in the game (With Karel too) and has really good stats.

Hector: Florina, you’ve been replaced!

Hector man, he's a piece of cheating scum, and doesn't deserve all the strength he gets.

This is sort of a running theme in this hack. BuringPenitentEngine doesn't like Florina, and I'm kind of ambivalent to her myself, so I tend to make bad things happen to her, or just make her look bad in general.

And with that, we can FINALLY move on to the last completed episode of the hack! I'll be showing the incomplete one, but I won't actually play it for reasons that will become very clear.

Eh...? I wonder why.

Edited March 11, 2015 by MarkyJoe1990

[MarkyJoe1990]

Episode 6 reply time.

*gasp*

It all makes sense now.

I'm not sure I follow. >_<



Is this supposed to be some sort of innuendo? I don't get it.

Luis wrote this line. I didn't get it either.



THE POWER OF SAIYAN GLASS!

(Seriously...the portrait...)

I freakin' love this portrait. XD

Fast forward to years later, I went and remade it.






Versus what? An E10+ rated death?

The T rated version would be slightly more violent, with small amounts of blood that is never seen in motion.



Ignore the dialogue, and look at Glass's AMAZING blink frame.

The guy never learned to keep his mouth shut about his "peerless skills" at the local pub.

Glass: Are you telling me that I’m as authentic as those cheap LCD games you find at a dollar store!?

I've used those before, they're actually okay time-wasters!

I used to have an LCD game that "claimed" to be Street Fighter. It was kinda lame. All you needed to do to win was punch -> Grab -> Backwards. Kicks the hell outta the enemy.



Statbooster decisions. I'm so good at this.

I always give Nino the body ring.



SUCH CLEVER, INNOVATIVE UNIT PLACEMENT OPTIONS

Not to mention... where's the elevation? Does the castle just lay on the grass like that?



When people say my name, I get a euphoric rush of power. It's like I'm a religion slowly gaining followers.

Would your followers be called Monkers?



OH. SO THIS IS HAPPENING NOW.

I can't repeat my previous comedic triumphs, but I sure as hell tried.



We already have Isadora! Can't we trade her in?

This piece of dialogue is a reference to an old video I made.

... Wait, that's from Super Hard Lyn Mode. Which means... You missed a boss conversation!

Unless I removed it.






So. This map. First off, I'd like to say I did miss two tiles on the right end, but the whole thing is mirrored so it doesn't matter.

Anyways, this is probably one of my least favorite chapters in this entire thing. It's long, full of enemies, and it's boring, because barely anybody moves, so you mostly spend your time slowly cutting through those MASSIVE armor walls. While the last chapter had events and stuff to keep things entertaining, this chapter has no special dialogue until the very end(you could have put Sain/Kent in the middle!), and is really just a drag. It'll be tough, but I'll pull through, just for the last dialogue scene and to show off the incomplete final chapter.

Everything you said, I agree with. Just thinking about this chapter makes my blood boil. How did I go from the ambitious chapter 5 to this!?

The only thing noteworthy about this chapter is that one of the jokes (in one of the houses) was written by my friend Guy. The same one you know from Super Hard Lyn Mode.

Though. Are you really going to go through the chapter the normal way? I think you can just approach the castle from the top left, since there's an opening there... I suppose you'd miss out on lots of EXP though, and if you want to beat the boss of chapter 7, you really want to grind Nino into shape.




Sain and Kent both have pretty okay stats, and one piece of special gear. The question is, who to pick? You decide! I'll show off the dialogue for both choices, if it's any different, but you decide which one is canon!

I usually take Kent since he has the Wind Sword. Not that it matters who you take...

I voted for Sain since I like him better.



SAIYAN GLASS has an unedited description, and he appears to be an INSANELY tough boss. Then again, we won't know for sure until we get to him. Hopefully I can manage at least one promotion by then!

Ah dammit... I wish I had changed that description. It's supposed to be "A Sacaen swordsman with a saiyan heart".

[Klokinator]

"What the fuck! She just barfed out a dude!"

That's hilarious.

Everything else, no.

[TheMoniker]

I was gonna give some responses to Markyjoe's comments, but then I accidentally wiped them just as I was finished by checking the vote results, and I'm too busy to redo them. To sum them up...

1: Glitch Rath OP

2: Glass portrait hilarious

3: Mental image of CG hilarious

4: I was referring to Eliwood

5: I couldn't actually beat chapter 7...

6: I'll be approaching the map the normal way, even if it shall mean pain and regret

Let's skip the intro and get straight to...

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 6: Episode 6: Part 1: You can skip this update, it doesn't have anything important in it

The first thing I do of note is visiting the armory. The selection is very not-lame, but I don't get that much stuff.

Houses!

Wait, this couldn't be-

IT IS

Wil: How odd.

That was it everybody! The infamous MEME O' MONEY!

I will be using it CONSTANTLY from now on.

Glorious combat begins!

I hope you all liked that dialogue, because it's the last we're getting for a while!

I have no idea what the door key is for, since I'm fairly certain that doors don't even EXIST in this hack! Markyjoe? Any reason for that?

Wil gets...

...A...level...*sobs*

*gasp*

HER GROWTHS WERE GOOD ALL ALONG

Strength! Seriously she is so blessed...

But it won't save her...

Now, Nino can use that Fimbulvetr! Hurrah!

Clutching your staff won't save you forever, Serra. But what CAN save you is...

NO. NOT THAT EITHER.

Look everybody, BONUS longbow archers!

Die, filthy prepromote!

HOLY CRAP

I WAS NOT EXPECTING HIM TO DODGE THAT

GOOD JOB ELIWOOD

Oh no! DOES YOUR EVIL KNOW NO BOUNDS?

...

I'm docking your pay Wil.

So you can learn the IMPORTANT OF MONEY.

Sheesh Florina! For being bad, you sure are good!

...

GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY

WE'RE 1/10 DONE WITH THE CHAPTER

Hector uses his ULTIMATE POWER to

...

This is...

PERFECT! Because I'm trying to feed a certain someone!

I don't know Wil, I'm not ENTIRELY SURE you've learned your lesson!

Hurrah!

Serra gets saved.

Wil's actually trying to improve himself...it's weird.

I get a shot of Lyn critting WITHOUT a threesome.

...Okay.

Hurrah, we cleared the first wave of armors, ONLY FOR MAGIC USERS TO COME IN!

Next time: Things DON'T get better.

[TheMoniker]

Old Fire Mumblem: Episode 6: Episode 6: Part 2: Trigger Warning: SUCKINESS

This is Lucianna critting. And making my life harder.

Canas actually MISSED his counter-attack, and I was so shocked I didn't properly screenshot it.

Bad thing.

Good thing.

Very good thing!

VERY good thing!

Will it be a...

BAD THING AGAIN

Oh sure...just skirt around magic...

That was the last elixir, I'm gonna have to have the two groups meet up. I HATE it when hacks make you split into more groups than you have healers!

I guess Wil's self-improvement effort disintegrated.

Are you guys ready for some...

COPY PASTE REINFORCEMENTS?

This guy isn't getting fed.

More...

And more...

AND MORE...

\

Oh good, they stopped.

Levels of varying usefulness gotten during the fight.

Combat! This is why you read this, right? Not for the commentary, I hope, because this level kind of drained me of it.

So, level 18 is probably good enough for...

The amazing power of...

CASH CANAS

He has embraced the true power of money(in the form of expensive circle thingies), and gotten SO MUCH POWER!

The enemies would rather attack Isadora than him!

(Also, the two groups came together at some point)

Wil's reached level 18, which means it's time for...

The shining power of...

WALLET WIL

Through a campaign of self-improvement, he saved up enough to afford an expensive circle thingy!

And no, he doesn't have a crit bonus. Dangit.

Look at the amazing power of Canas!

Lyn continues scoping out recruits for her hair-product factory. Soon, it is to become a conglomerate, then a monopoly.

Things happen. I'm running out of good jokes!

Well...we're almost close to finishing...

More power! I wish I could promote him...

(I guess I can, but for some reason I won't)

People defeating other people!

SO MUCH POWER

Defenses!

Oh crap, Glass moves!

Peerless? Really?

Combat goes okay, as in, nobody dies.

Magic! Soon, we'll get SAVINGS SERRA!

This looks per-

OH CRAP FLORINA GOT ATTACKED

AND KILLED

Screw it, I'm finishing this later. I'm TIRED!