Jump to content

SF's "Write Your Butt Off!" Writing Competition XV - Voting Thread


Sunwoo
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 357
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Like last time, I completely nuked the poll, and then reposted it. I think it should be enough to get rid of the previous votes. If it's not, please let me know (but it'll have to wait until I come home from work, since I have to leave NOW).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glaceon
I always thought the reason Link could see and interact with spirit Zelda was because of his hero/chosen one status, but your “he can see and talk to all ghosts” thing was genius. Dunno how it counts as an disability/hinderance like the prompt says though. Still a good piece.

Ana
Sent comments via PM earlier.

Snowy
Commented on the contest thread.

Dual Dragons
The feels in this are strong...I was left wondering a few things. Maybe I missed something, but how did Lenora end up becoming blind after Myron died? The second thing I wondered is who will lead the country now. Does Myron have any siblings who can take over? Anyway I’m loving the gender equality in this, female warriors/knights rock, and usually when you hear of someone being forced/harassed into marriage, it’s a woman, so that was a nice twist on the usual.

Jotaro
Solid piece, maybe could benefit from more backstory like who is this demon called Gax and what he has against these people/aliens. I liked how you made two disabled main characters instead of one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Glaceon

I always thought the reason Link could see and interact with spirit Zelda was because of his hero/chosen one status, but your “he can see and talk to all ghosts” thing was genius. Dunno how it counts as an disability/hinderance like the prompt says though. Still a good piece.

Ana

Sent comments via PM earlier.

Snowy

Commented on the contest thread.

Dual Dragons

The feels in this are strong...I was left wondering a few things. Maybe I missed something, but how did Lenora end up becoming blind after Myron died? The second thing I wondered is who will lead the country now. Does Myron have any siblings who can take over? Anyway I’m loving the gender equality in this, female warriors/knights rock, and usually when you hear of someone being forced/harassed into marriage, it’s a woman, so that was a nice twist on the usual.

Jotaro

Solid piece, maybe could benefit from more backstory like who is this demon called Gax and what he has against these people/aliens. I liked how you made two disabled main characters instead of one.

ST Link was literally just a random kid on the side of the road who just happened to be able to see her and be present for no real explained reason. Kinda like WW Link, he didn't have any special connection to past Links at all.

The disability portion was kinda explained when Link was talking about the ghosts. He even states he couldn't truely meet his caretaker until after she died since the ghosts hogged his attention by muddling with his senses. It's admittedly a little out there and vague.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jotaro

Solid piece, maybe could benefit from more backstory like who is this demon called Gax and what he has against these people/aliens. I liked how you made two disabled main characters instead of one.

That's fair critique, Gax left after he injured Gale because he was looking for the apostles but that's fair. I was just afraid I'd get way too into how Gale lost his eye and I didn't want to make the story too gory for the contest so I just completely cut him out aside from a mention.

Thanks, I've always liked how I had their relationship from the start, but Gale being able to relate to his sister more afterwards is one of the relationships I'm most proud of creating so I tried to start at how they'd grow even closer as siblings by having Niheena be patient and understanding because she's had those days too and she knows what it's like.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alright, review time!

Glaceon: This was a very interesting idea for why Link could see Zelda. It does bring up the question, however, of why Zelda didn't interact with any of the ghosts. You could potentially have something really interesting there, like Zelda seeing the ghost of Tetra, for example. Overall, though, a good piece!

Dcat: I love dogs! The dog's interpretation of everything is mostly clever, and it is easy to figure out what is going on. I do, however, feel it ended too fast; it would have been better if you had actually shown the dog visiting her old home, as that would potentially be the most interesting part.

Ana: This one was fine. There weren't many errors throughout. My main complaint is that the story didn't engage me very much. I also didn't think it was very natural for Sara to actively encourage her brother to risk his life fighting the bandits, but I realize that there would be less of a story if there wasn't a fight.

Snowy: Ah, a story about one of the worst serial killers of all time! It might be that Im a history buff, but this one was my favorite. I would say that there was a problem with show don't tell, but it wouldn't be very natural for someone to show not tell in their journal. It also provides a good motive for Bathory. Good job.

Dual Dragons: I like the concept of a story where the heroes are essentially fighting a losing battle. I also like that you didn't have them win in the end. That would have been unrealistic. The dynamic between the two main characters is well done. I do have a problem in that it doesn't seem realistic for Lenora to reintegrate into society so well, but I'll let it slide.

Jotaro Kujo: I liked it, but it really would have been better as a multiple chapter work. There was just too much backstory to explain adequately.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dcat: I love dogs! The dog's interpretation of everything is mostly clever, and it is easy to figure out what is going on. I do, however, feel it ended too fast; it would have been better if you had actually shown the dog visiting her old home, as that would potentially be the most interesting part.

Honestly by that time, I had noticed that it was getting close to 1000 words and I tend to struggle with length, so I started to wrap it up. You're right, I could have wrote about her leading Tyson to her/his family, fair critique.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My entry only got one vote again? I won't lie, this really disappoints me... I thought I had done a lot better on this entry than the last one. :(

Ana: This one was fine. There weren't many errors throughout. My main complaint is that the story didn't engage me very much. I also didn't think it was very natural for Sara to actively encourage her brother to risk his life fighting the bandits, but I realize that there would be less of a story if there wasn't a fight.

So it bored you? If I'm interpreting you saying that it wasn't engaging wrong, then my bad, but this is what it looks like to me. If I'm right though, I'm sorry I made you sit through such awful writing. I thought I'd gotten better since the last round, but it seems I've not. I'll have to go look up exactly what engaging is supposed to be and keep trying. I don't want to be a bad writer or make people read bad writing. So I'll do my best to write something awesome next time!

It's odd, normally, this kind of criticism discourages me, but this time, I don't feel that way for some reason. Maybe I just don't feel like being discouraged anymore, I dunno...

Anyway, I have to disagree on the Sara part. She and Kiel are warriors, and laguz ones at that. It's a warrior's job to take care of bandits. And the laguz aren't the type to just retreat. They have too much pride in themselves and think retreating is cowardice. What's more, Sara is a new recruit, so she isn't the most knowledgeable when it comes to situations like this. And as you say, this piece wouldn't be as good without a fight and some development/growth for Kiel. I wrote this to show how Kiel is using his injury and adaptation to being half-blind to become a stronger person.

I'll type critique up for everyone's entries next time I post here, as this post would just get insanely long if I put it all here. xP

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My entry only got one vote again? I won't lie, this really disappoints me... I thought I had done a lot better on this entry than the last one. :(

Mine got no votes last time. Don't feel bad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Really? I thought you had gotten at least one vote too. I could've sworn you did...

But anyway, I also noticed that several people only voted for one entry when they were supposed to vote for two. Were the others that bad? :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it bored you? If I'm interpreting you saying that it wasn't engaging wrong, then my bad, but this is what it looks like to me. If I'm right though, I'm sorry I made you sit through such awful writing. I thought I'd gotten better since the last round, but it seems I've not. I'll have to go look up exactly what engaging is supposed to be and keep trying. I don't want to be a bad writer or make people read bad writing. So I'll do my best to write something awesome next time!

"Engaging" can mean a couple things, in my opinion. "Awful writing" can mean "syntactically and grammatically incorrect all throughout the piece" or "hammy/unrealistic."

You would have to ask what blah means, but I see it as you couldn't elicit interest or sympathy from the reader. The reader could hear similar stories a thousand times over but as long as you could elicit interest or sympathy, it will "engage" the reader.

If you want, I could PM in more greater detail. I have to get my critiques and responses out as well, haha. I could also get more detailed about your critique; I try to keep them brief here and put my major problem in the forefront.

Dual Dragons

The feels in this are strong...I was left wondering a few things. Maybe I missed something, but how did Lenora end up becoming blind after Myron died? The second thing I wondered is who will lead the country now. Does Myron have any siblings who can take over? Anyway I’m loving the gender equality in this, female warriors/knights rock, and usually when you hear of someone being forced/harassed into marriage, it’s a woman, so that was a nice twist on the usual.

Thanks for the critique!

- Lenora got slashed by the bandit through both eyes. In hindsight, I definitely could have gone into a bit more detail about this as, when I was writing it, I was thinking more of a deep slash.

- Myron is by his lonesome and Haversham was taken over by Nordis, Stratbury, and their allies. I'll admit that this should have been more defined and reinforced. Haversham is now likely under the rule of Nordis, Stratbury, and their allies; split up into sectors; and under control of each of those governments. Same would go for any colonies Haversham had.

Dual Dragons: I like the concept of a story where the heroes are essentially fighting a losing battle. I also like that you didn't have them win in the end. That would have been unrealistic. The dynamic between the two main characters is well done. I do have a problem in that it doesn't seem realistic for Lenora to reintegrate into society so well, but I'll let it slide.

Thank you for the critique. I had a debate with myself on whether the ending should have been a little more happier, but it would have sullied the message I was going regarding Lenora's character.

That's a pretty fair assessment. I overlooked her reintegration as a normal citizen. I'm glad you caught that.

I was mainly focusing on how she couldn't let go of her ideal dream and how it leads to her being ultimately a very unhappy person. In my imagination--which I probably should have detailed more on--she didn't reintegrate back into society on the social aspect. People think her reason for not accomplishing more is strange and that she's sad for the sake of being sad; she's made very little friends by the end of the story (hinted with the "few people came to her farm").

But yeah, I probably could have made it harder for her to reintegrate into society on the other levels.

So for my own critiques...

@Glaceon Lord:

I do like the concept of how certain gifts can be both beneficial but also harmful. This could be a "disability" of some kind, since he has to go out of his way to help people so he doesn't get affected after they die. Overall, I think it could have cemented this concept if more details about how it hampers him over time. I can see he gets tired on a physical level; I guess I want to know how he feels on a mental and emotional level. Despite he helps people so they can rest in peace, does he feel happy when he does these things? sad? angry?

@Dragoncat:

I like dogs; I like this story.

If anything, the beginning could have been integrated more with the rest of the story and some minor details cut to keep the work more focused; but, since your summary was an overview of your dog's life, what you did include sufficed that summary.

Yeah, I found what to say to refine this piece hard.

@Anacybele:

My problem with this story was what Kiel focused on regarding his one-eye blindness. Most of it was on how he was now ugly--which is not something I would expect from a nation prioritizing fighting prowess. Not that he can't have this thought, but that would not be the first thing I would think of. I don't understand Kiel's character enough.

I read the sentence where he says that all he ever wanted to do was fight and make his country proud, but the rest of what he says doesn't exactly match up.

@Snowy_One:

This one I really liked. It reminded me a lot of Dracula with the journal frame narrative and vampires.

I didn't see too many issues with it. I was fine with the open ending.

@Jotaru Kujo:

My original entry was going to be on a deaf-mute. I like the inclusion of that person and the one-eye blind man in your story.

I would have liked more backstory or continuation on what was going on, like what Dragoncat said. I got the Gax/apostles thing but I wanted to know more (which is a good thing; it means I was interested).

It reads more as an excerpt from a whole bigger story that you have going on. Is that what this is or is this supposed to be a one-shot?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I missed details in the bandit fight, looks like...okay, that makes sense.

As for mine, yeah, I admit that the beginning was a bit rambling and didn't really fit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Engaging" can mean a couple things, in my opinion. "Awful writing" can mean "syntactically and grammatically incorrect all throughout the piece" or "hammy/unrealistic."

You would have to ask what blah means, but I see it as you couldn't elicit interest or sympathy from the reader. The reader could hear similar stories a thousand times over but as long as you could elicit interest or sympathy, it will "engage" the reader.

If you want, I could PM in more greater detail. I have to get my critiques and responses out as well, haha. I could also get more detailed about your critique; I try to keep them brief here and put my major problem in the forefront.

What? How can one not have sympathy for a good person who just had his eye literally ripped out of his head? But yeah, I still don't understand Will have to wait and see what blah says.

@Anacybele:

My problem with this story was what Kiel focused on regarding his one-eye blindness. Most of it was on how he was now ugly--which is not something I would expect from a nation prioritizing fighting prowess. Not that he can't have this thought, but that would not be the first thing I would think of. I don't understand Kiel's character enough.

I read the sentence where he says that all he ever wanted to do was fight and make his country proud, but the rest of what he says doesn't exactly match up.

Er, what about when he said he wanted kids to look up to him? Like he said, kids might now find him too scary-looking because of the scars and missing eye. Basically, Kiel wants to be a hero and great warrior, like Cynthia for example, but without all the annoying flamboyancy about it. He feels that he now looks too ugly to ever be thought of as such.

Like I said, apparently this story was awful and it really upsets me. I didn't think it was the best entry here (I thought Dcat wrote the best one, followed by Jotaro, and then myself), but still.

And now I'm the only person here that has just one vote. Really pathetic. Maybe I shouldn't even be entering these contests...

Edited by Anacybele
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And now I'm the only person here that has just one vote. Really pathetic. Maybe I shouldn't even be entering these contests...

Now, now, the point isn't winning. It's having fun, remember? Doesn't matter whether you win or lose, so long as you enjoy short story writing, you know?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now, now, the point isn't winning. It's having fun, remember? Doesn't matter whether you win or lose, so long as you enjoy short story writing, you know?

It is about having fun, you're right. But it's not fun being told that your story is basically bad. It's also not fun losing to everyone else. It's not that I want to win all the time, it's that I want to be thought of as a good writer, which is obviously not the case if people aren't enjoying my contest entries. Although, I definitely wouldn't mind being able to run one of these contests either (and no, I don't want to just be handed the privilege, I want to earn it).

Edited by Anacybele
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What? How can one not have sympathy for a good person who just had his eye literally ripped out of his head? But yeah, I still don't understand Will have to wait and see what blah says.

That's what the writer's goal is: eliciting sympathy and/or interest from the reader. It gets very complicated with stories. Some people can have more sympathy/interest when it's a fictional story rather than a real one. Some it's the reverse. Who knows.

I can get into the technicalities of what you wrote in a PM, like I said. What I like to analyze is word choice and execution because it is something I'm trying to refine myself.

Er, what about when he said he wanted kids to look up to him? Like he said, kids might now find him too scary-looking because of the scars and missing eye. Basically, Kiel wants to be a hero and great warrior, like Cynthia for example, but without all the annoying flamboyancy about it. He feels that he now looks too ugly to ever be thought of as such.

Like I said, apparently this story was awful and it really upsets me. I didn't think it was the best entry here (I thought Dcat wrote the best one, followed by Jotaro, and then myself), but still.

And now I'm the only person here that has just one vote. Really pathetic. Maybe I shouldn't even be entering these contests...

It's what I felt was being too focused on. I'll put it this way: I couldn't see why there would be such lamentation over one's physical attractiveness over one's prowess. Laguz are people that pride themselves on prowess. I'd expect the loss of limbs/sense organs and scars, and thus I would not be fazed from a Laguz warrior to be missing such things. I didn't understand if children that came from such a focus on fighting would be that fazed. It would have been more understandable if he lost both of them, is what I think.

Nobody said about bad stories or awful writing but yourself... but thanks for pointing out who you thought was better?

You got one vote, which means someone likes it enough to use one of their two votes for you. I didn't get that vote. Can't you think of that as one-upping me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's what the writer's goal is: eliciting sympathy and/or interest from the reader. It gets very complicated with stories. Some people can have more sympathy/interest when it's a fictional story rather than a real one. Some it's the reverse. Who knows.

I can get into the technicalities of what you wrote in a PM, like I said. What I like to analyze is word choice and execution because it is something I'm trying to refine myself.

It's what I felt was being too focused on. I'll put it this way: I couldn't see why there would be such lamentation over one's physical attractiveness over one's prowess. Laguz are people that pride themselves on prowess. I'd expect the loss of limbs/sense organs and scars, and thus I would not be fazed from a Laguz warrior to be missing such things. I didn't understand if children that came from such a focus on fighting would be that fazed. It would have been more understandable if he lost both of them, is what I think.

Nobody said about bad stories or awful writing but yourself... but thanks for pointing out who you thought was better?

You got one vote, which means someone likes it enough to use one of their two votes for you. I didn't get that vote. Can't you think of that as one-upping me?

What? Kiel didn't think he could be a good warrior anymore either, he clearly pointed out that he can no longer see anything on his right anymore and that that would make it harder to fight. He was even reluctant to fight the bandits at first. I'm still confused as to why you think his looks were the only thing I focused on.

And I said "bad stories" and all because that's how I thought you and others viewed my entry. If that's not the case, then I apologize for the mistake.

I can't think of that as one-upping you because you still have two votes more than I do. You've one-upped me, not the other way around. So I don't understand, yet again.

And thanks, but as I said, I'd like to hear from blah first.

Edited by Anacybele
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Snowy_One:

This one I really liked. It reminded me a lot of Dracula with the journal frame narrative and vampires.
I didn't see too many issues with it. I was fine with the open ending.

For good reason. She's considered to be pretty much the female version of him and was even alive at the same time and fighting in the same war as him. Well, defending the homefront while her husband fought, but still...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow guys, calm the fuck down.

This competition isn't about winning, one-upping anyone, or who's a terrible writer or not. I made this competition so people could be motivated to write more, especially if you're like me and have been down in motivation, and hopefully to improve and put their work out there for others to see. That's it. In the long run, you only "win" if you got something out of the experience and if you feel you've improved or been motivated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My post wasn't supposed to be read as angry. If it came off that way, I apologize.

Perhaps "one-upping" was not the term I was looking for. More or less what I mean is that someone liked your story; I don't see why you're calling yourself an awful writer when you got someone's vote. I'm more confused than anything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is about having fun, you're right. But it's not fun being told that your story is basically bad. It's also not fun losing to everyone else. It's not that I want to win all the time, it's that I want to be thought of as a good writer, which is obviously not the case if people aren't enjoying my contest entries. Although, I definitely wouldn't mind being able to run one of these contests either (and no, I don't want to just be handed the privilege, I want to earn it).

I enjoyed it!

You're not as bad as you're making yourself sound atm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...