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BurningCandy

How can I get people to stop teasing me?

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Ok, so I'm childish and my reactions can be too. People always like teasing me and harassing me.

They don't even have a reason to tease me. How can I make them stop; tell them they're annoying politely but firmly?

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depends on your cultural background where you are.

give them hints first, then start throwing the teasing back at them.

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How old are you, if you don't mind my asking? Past a certain age, some of this behaviour becomes less acceptable, but it's not necessarily always the case.

Judging by your post, it could be your reactions. If the victim of teasing fails to react to it in the expected way (usually something eccentric or emotional), the motivation to continue that may well disappear. However, you could be disliked so much that the people won't stop - you are at their mercy regardless. You should try to determine if it's accident of being among specific people who fail to tolerate something or if it's something you should change about yourself - most likely, experiencing this in more than one social group should spell out it's not merely a coincidence.

In my experience though (but mine is not a very usual one at all, as far as I understand), it's all about establishing proper relations of power.

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How old are you, if you don't mind my asking? Past a certain age, some of this behaviour becomes less acceptable, but it's not necessarily always the case.

Judging by your post, it could be your reactions. If the victim of teasing fails to react to it in the expected way (usually something eccentric or emotional), the motivation to continue that may well disappear. However, you could be disliked so much that the people won't stop - you are at their mercy regardless. You should try to determine if it's accident of being among specific people who fail to tolerate something or if it's something you should change about yourself - most likely, experiencing this in more than one social group should spell out it's not merely a coincidence.

In my experience though (but mine is not a very usual one at all, as far as I understand), it's all about establishing proper relations of power.

I'm approx. 14-15. I have been told I look younger than that though.

Also, these people are my classmates. Not my close friends.

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You'll have to tolerate those people until they (and you) mature then. Care less, don't overreact and be more assertive. If you aren't making friends with any/enough of your peers, they may retaliate because of that. Are you even interested in any of these people and can they tell?

I also had an unpleasant experience as a teenager because the environment around me was racist and xenophobic towards me; had to go to great lengths to prove my worth (the effort wasn't necessary of course, but I didn't know better at the time).

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I'm not exactly an expert, so take anything I say here with a grain of salt, but as Espinosa said... it might help to try to stay calm when it happens. It's not easy, I know (I'm not good at controlling my emotions myself), but trying should help. It seems likely that at least some of those people tease you because they find it entertaining, maybe not even realizing how much it bothers you, and they'll stop when that changes.

Telling a teacher, parent, or someone similar you trust is also an option. They ought to know your situation better than us, and if you explain the problems you're having, hopefully they would be able to offer better advice, or even a solution.

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Thanks guys :D

I do show an interest in these people, and I do try to be calm and friendly.

They don't really make an effort to be interested in me or anything, it's only small talk if we talk.

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I got teased quite a bit pre-college. I think most people do. You have to realize the point of childhood is to learn social skills. Playing with friends isn't just for fun, it's to develop skills like following rules, being leader, etc later on in life. By the same measure, when kids tease you, you have to think about what that says about them.

I judge myself very harshly. However, I've come to realize this does not mean others judge me harshly. This is evidenced by the fact that I personally do not judge others harshly. Once I realized I am not a special unique snowflake and my reactions to common events are also common reactions, it made me change my evaluation of other people.

You think to yourself "God, this dress looks so bad, everyone's gonna laugh at me" but nobody really cares about you. They're all thinking of their own clothes and how everyone else is going to make fun of them. The only people not thinking like this are people like me who have realized this mechanism. I don't care what I wear. People like me are the ones who eventually become the teasers. However, there also exist those so nervous about what they're wearing/doing etc that they feel like they're always being judged, and rather than fix their own viewpoint, they lash out at someone else to deflect these perceived assaults on their character.

So let's say someone is teasing you and saying "Wow, is that your hair or did you stitch a mop into your skull LOLOL?" They're either the kind of person that doesn't care about what others think, or, more likely, they have friends nearby and they're mocking you to sound cool to their friends. "Oh look at me mocking this person, I'm cool and please don't notice my hideous choices in X or my personal failings" (Which incidentally as I've stated, their friends don't actually care, they're just echoing the energy and also trying to sound cool with their friend by enabling the mocking comments.)

Once you understand the mechanism, you now have the ability to solve the problem. I have different ways of dealing with this. One way is by ignoring it, but in a way that makes the mocker look dumb. Example:

Asshole: "Lol Klok, that shirt looks so dumb. Seriously man, did you pull that out of a garbage can?"

*I raise my eyebrow*

Me: "Do you talk like that on a normal basis, or are you just ignoring your own wardrobe issues?"

Here's what this dialogue does. One, I don't answer their stupidity by defending my outfit, because I don't give a shit about my outfit. Two, since I am fairly sure their comments reflect their own insecurity, I then mock their own outfit by comparing it to mine. Here's how the rest of the conversation usually goes.

Asshole: "Yeah, whatever, man."

And after that, they don't make those snide comments again, and in fact my retort may have made them uncomfortable with their own clothes and become super self conscious, especially if I replied in front of their friends. Now, furthermore, I don't even have to take offense. Let's see a second example.

Asshole: "Lol Klok, that shirt looks so dumb. Seriously man, did you pull that out of a garbage can?"

*I raise my eyebrow*

Me: "Yeah, actually. Are you following me around? I gave my old shirt to that homeless alien down the street and just pulled this out of the Taco Bell dumpster. Seriously man, don't follow your classmates around, I might get the wrong idea and think you were into me!"

Asshole: Haha, dude that's hella funny! Okay anyway, see you later at bla bl bla"

Here's the benefit of this retort, I've established that his comments don't matter to me, and I'm not a bad guy for attacking him, so he doesn't need to attack me more. Plus, I make a funny comment, he and his friends laugh and say "Yeah that Klok guy makes funny jokes, he's not worth picking on" and they go away. Sometimes, this exchange is superior because you can even make good friends with these people, and then later on when walking around with them, if you see them do that behavior again, you speak up and say "Wow man, I thought you were cool but just shitting all over that guy? What's your problem?" which makes them embarrassed, and your peer pressure can make them stop the negative behavior.

In the end, social politics are not as complicated as people make it out to be. Learn to successfully deflect insults and teasing, or confront the people directly and call their bluffs. There exist advantages and disadvantages, but if you choose the high ground, you'll be respected more for it. Above all else though, do not take the third route, which is sheepishly scampering away. You give them satisfaction, allow them to feel like victors, and now they have license to hurt others.

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Thanks guys :D

I do show an interest in these people, and I do try to be calm and friendly.

They don't really make an effort to be interested in me or anything, it's only small talk if we talk.

I just hope it helps. Plenty of us here can relate, from the sound of it.

You said your close friends don't tease you, so that's good to hear; it always helps to know your friends have your back, and I'm sure things will get better for you.

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The questions I ask myself are:

- What are they trying to say?

- How do they expect me to react?

. . .and then I do something completely unexpected.

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Ok, so I'm childish and my reactions can be too. People always like teasing me and harassing me.

They don't even have a reason to tease me. How can I make them stop; tell them they're annoying politely but firmly?

I think the key is that there is no surefire way to make them stop.

I believe that getting teased is a perfect opportunity to practice humility and self control. I can't possibly know how you feel, but whenever I get teased and it gets to me its because either:

A) somebody touched on one of my insecurities / diminished my feelings of self worth

B) I reacted in a way I wish I hadn't

I find that in both cases, I am ultimately in control. I either placed my self worth in something vain or silly (never have I been or seen someone be teased because of lack of integrity or kindness, but I have been teased because of mannerisms, attire, intelligence, etc) or I lashed out in irritation or frustration.

When I remember to not take myself too seriously and to treat others with respect (regardless of how they treat me), getting people to not tease me anymore stops being a problem because I simply no longer mind.

Tldr; you can't control others but you can learn to control yourself! Use getting teased as an opportunity to better your self control!

Edited by georgetruman

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The questions I ask myself are:

- What are they trying to say?

- How do they expect me to react?

. . .and then I do something completely unexpected.

What eclipse said. None of those kids would expect you to DDT them repeatedly.

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What eclipse said. None of those kids would expect you to DDT them repeatedly.

Or to baffle them entirely.

"Hey clipsey you're ugly!"

"Ooh, is that a book you're holding? Lemme see, LEMME SEE!"

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This sounds bad, but I've always made lots of acquantiances, because people don't want to insult you if you're liked more than they are. Not saying this is necessarily the strategy for you though.

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Or to baffle them entirely.

"Hey clipsey you're ugly!"

"Ooh, is that a book you're holding? Lemme see, LEMME SEE!"

Joking about stuff seems to work, as well. I advise learning to laugh at yourself, at the situation and at people as well. It breaks the tension very easily.

When people teased me, I joked about it and we all laughed together.

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Or to baffle them entirely.

"Hey clipsey you're ugly!"

"Ooh, is that a book you're holding? Lemme see, LEMME SEE!"

That ... seems like an appropriate reaction.

Anyway, to the OP: it really depends on what they're teasing you about ... some things are easier to joke about or shrug off than others. But I'd say just don't let it get under your skin, and you win anyway.

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