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Lorenz: With all due respect, Claude, what on Fodlan are you eating? Claude: Beanie Weenies. Lorenz: Excuse me? Claude: They're popular where my dad's from. Want a try? Lorenz: No. -_-

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[CREATURE:HUMAN]
    [DESCRIPTION:A medium-sized creature prone to great ambition.]
    [NAME:human:humans:human]
    [CASTE_NAME:human:humans:human]
    [OUTSIDER_CONTROLLABLE]
    [CREATURE_TILE:'U'][COLOR:3:0:0]
    [CREATURE_SOLDIER_TILE:154]
    [INTELLIGENT]
    [CANOPENDOORS]
    [BENIGN]
    [PREFSTRING:stature]
    [BODY:HUMANOID_NECK:2EYES:2EARS:NOSE:2LUNGS:HEART:GUTS:ORGANS:HUMANOID_JOINTS:THROAT:NECK:SPINE:BRAIN:SKULL:5FINGERS:5TOES:MOUTH:TONGUE:FACIAL_FEATURES:TEETH:RIBCAGE]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:STANDARD_MATERIALS]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:STANDARD_TISSUES]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:VERTEBRATE_TISSUE_LAYERS:SKIN:FAT:MUSCLE:BONE:CARTILAGE]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:HEAD_HAIR_TISSUE_LAYERS]
    [USE_TISSUE_TEMPLATE:EYEBROW:EYEBROW_TEMPLATE]
    [TISSUE_LAYER:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:EYEBROW:ABOVE:BY_CATEGORY:EYE]
    [USE_TISSUE_TEMPLATE:EYELASH:EYELASH_TEMPLATE]
    [TISSUE_LAYER:BY_CATEGORY:EYELID:EYELASH:FRONT]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:NAIL:NAIL_TEMPLATE]
    [USE_TISSUE_TEMPLATE:NAIL:NAIL_TEMPLATE]
    [TISSUE_LAYER:BY_CATEGORY:FINGER:NAIL:FRONT]
    [TISSUE_LAYER:BY_CATEGORY:TOE:NAIL:FRONT]
    [SELECT_TISSUE_LAYER:HEART:BY_CATEGORY:HEART]
     [PLUS_TISSUE_LAYER:SKIN:BY_CATEGORY:THROAT]
        [TL_MAJOR_ARTERIES]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:FACIAL_HAIR_TISSUES]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:STANDARD_HEAD_POSITIONS]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:HUMANOID_HEAD_POSITIONS]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:HUMANOID_RIBCAGE_POSITIONS]
    [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:HUMANOID_RELSIZES]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:SINEW:SINEW_TEMPLATE]
    [TENDONS:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SINEW:200]
    [LIGAMENTS:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SINEW:200]
    [HAS_NERVES]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:BLOOD:BLOOD_TEMPLATE]
    [BLOOD:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:BLOOD:LIQUID]
    [CREATURE_CLASS:GENERAL_POISON]
    [GETS_WOUND_INFECTIONS]
    [GETS_INFECTIONS_FROM_ROT]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:PUS:PUS_TEMPLATE]
    [PUS:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:PUS:LIQUID]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:SWEAT:SWEAT_TEMPLATE]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:TEARS:TEARS_TEMPLATE]
    [USE_MATERIAL_TEMPLATE:SPIT:SPIT_TEMPLATE]
    [SECRETION:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SWEAT:LIQUID:BY_CATEGORY:ALL:SKIN:EXERTION]
    [SECRETION:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:TEARS:LIQUID:BY_CATEGORY:EYE:ALL:EXTREME_EMOTION]
    [CAN_DO_INTERACTION:MATERIAL_EMISSION]
        [CDI:ADV_NAME:Spit]
        [CDI:USAGE_HINT:NEGATIVE_SOCIAL_RESPONSE]
        [CDI:USAGE_HINT:TORMENT]
        [CDI:BP_REQUIRED:BY_CATEGORY:MOUTH]
        [CDI:MATERIAL:LOCAL_CREATURE_MAT:SPIT:LIQUID_GLOB]
        [CDI:VERB:spit:spits:NA]
        [CDI:TARGET:C:LINE_OF_SIGHT]
        [CDI:TARGET_RANGE:C:15]
        [CDI:MAX_TARGET_NUMBER:C:1]
        [CDI:WAIT_PERIOD:30]
    [BODY_SIZE:0:0:4000]
    [BODY_SIZE:1:168:17500]
    [BODY_SIZE:12:0:70000]
    [BODY_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HEIGHT:75:95:98:100:102:105:125]
        [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:500]
    [BODY_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:BROADNESS:75:95:98:100:102:105:125]
        [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:500]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:EYE]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:CLOSE_SET:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyes:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:DEEP_SET:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyes:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:ROUND_VS_NARROW:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyes:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LARGE_IRIS:25:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyes:PLURAL]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:30:60:90:110:150:190]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:LIP]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:THICKNESS:50:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:lips:PLURAL]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:55:70:90:110:150:190]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:NOSE]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:BROADNESS:25:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:30:60:90:110:150:190]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LENGTH:25:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:30:60:90:110:150:190]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:UPTURNED:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:CONVEX:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:nose bridge:SINGULAR]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:EAR]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:SPLAYED_OUT:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:ears:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HANGING_LOBES:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:ears:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:BROADNESS:90:95:98:100:102:105:110]
            [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:700]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:ears:PLURAL]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:91:94:98:102:106:109]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HEIGHT:90:95:98:100:102:105:110]
            [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:700]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:ears:PLURAL]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:91:94:98:102:106:109]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:TOOTH]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:GAPS:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:teeth:PLURAL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LENGTH:100:100:100:100:100:100:100] for vampires
            [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:1000]
            [APP_MOD_NOUN:teeth:PLURAL]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:30:60:90:110:150:190]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:SKULL]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HIGH_CHEEKBONES:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:BROAD_CHIN:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:JUTTING_CHIN:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:SQUARE_CHIN:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:THROAT]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:DEEP_VOICE:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:RASPY_VOICE:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
    [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:BROADNESS:90:95:98:100:102:105:110]
            [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:700]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:91:94:98:102:106:109]
        [BP_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HEIGHT:90:95:98:100:102:105:110]
            [APP_MOD_IMPORTANCE:700]
            [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:91:94:98:102:106:109]
    [MAXAGE:60:120]
    [ATTACK:PUNCH:BODYPART:BY_TYPE:GRASP]
        [ATTACK_SKILL:GRASP_STRIKE]
        [ATTACK_VERB:punch:punches]
        [ATTACK_CONTACT_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_PREPARE_AND_RECOVER:3:3]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_WITH]
        [ATTACK_PRIORITY:MAIN]
    [ATTACK:KICK:BODYPART:BY_TYPE:STANCE]
        [ATTACK_SKILL:STANCE_STRIKE]
        [ATTACK_VERB:kick:kicks]
        [ATTACK_CONTACT_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_PREPARE_AND_RECOVER:4:4]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_WITH]
        [ATTACK_PRIORITY:SECOND]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_BAD_MULTIATTACK]
    [ATTACK:SCRATCH:CHILD_TISSUE_LAYER_GROUP:BY_TYPE:GRASP:BY_CATEGORY:FINGER:NAIL]
        [ATTACK_SKILL:GRASP_STRIKE]
        [ATTACK_VERB:scratch:scratches]
        [ATTACK_CONTACT_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_PENETRATION_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_EDGE]
        [ATTACK_PREPARE_AND_RECOVER:3:3]
        [ATTACK_PRIORITY:SECOND]
    [ATTACK:BITE:CHILD_BODYPART_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:BY_CATEGORY:TOOTH]
        [ATTACK_SKILL:BITE]
        [ATTACK_VERB:bite:bites]
        [ATTACK_CONTACT_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_PENETRATION_PERC:100]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_EDGE]
        [ATTACK_PREPARE_AND_RECOVER:3:3]
        [ATTACK_PRIORITY:SECOND]
        [ATTACK_FLAG_CANLATCH]
    [BABY:1]
    [CHILD:12]
    [EQUIPS]
    [DIURNAL]
    [SMELL_TRIGGER:90]
    [HOMEOTHERM:10067]
    [APPLY_CREATURE_VARIATION:STANDARD_BIPED_GAITS:900:675:450:225:1900:2900] 39 kph
    [APPLY_CREATURE_VARIATION:STANDARD_CLIMBING_GAITS:6561:6115:5683:1755:7456:8567] 5 kph, NO DATA
    [APPLY_CREATURE_VARIATION:STANDARD_SWIMMING_GAITS:5341:4723:4112:1254:6433:7900] 7 kph
    [APPLY_CREATURE_VARIATION:STANDARD_CRAWLING_GAITS:2990:2257:1525:731:4300:6100] 12 kph, NO DATA
    [SWIMS_LEARNED]
    [MANNERISM_FINGERS:finger:fingers]
    [MANNERISM_NOSE:nose]
    [MANNERISM_EAR:ear]
    [MANNERISM_HEAD:head]
    [MANNERISM_EYES:eyes]
    [MANNERISM_MOUTH:mouth]
    [MANNERISM_HAIR:hair]
    [MANNERISM_KNUCKLES:knuckles]
    [MANNERISM_LIPS:lips]
    [MANNERISM_CHEEK:cheek]
    [MANNERISM_NAILS:nails]
    [MANNERISM_FEET:feet]
    [MANNERISM_ARMS:arms]
    [MANNERISM_HANDS:hands]
    [MANNERISM_TONGUE:tongue]
    [MANNERISM_LEG:leg]
    [MANNERISM_LAUGH]
    [MANNERISM_SMILE]
    [MANNERISM_WALK]
    [MANNERISM_SIT]
    [MANNERISM_BREATH]
    [MANNERISM_POSTURE]
    [MANNERISM_STRETCH]
    [MANNERISM_EYELIDS]
    [SPOUSE_CONVERSION_TARGET]
    [MUNDANE]
    [CASTE:FEMALE]
        [FEMALE]
        [MULTIPLE_LITTER_RARE]
    [CASTE:MALE]
        [MALE]
        [SET_BP_GROUP:BY_TYPE:LOWERBODY][BP_ADD_TYPE:GELDABLE]
        [BODY_DETAIL_PLAN:FACIAL_HAIR_TISSUE_LAYERS]
    [SELECT_CASTE:ALL]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:HAIR]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHEEK_WHISKERS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHIN_WHISKERS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:MOUSTACHE]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:SIDEBURNS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:EYEBROW]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:EYELID:EYELASH]
    [TL_COLOR_MODIFIER:AMBER:1:AUBURN:1:BLACK:1:BROWN:1:BUFF:1:BURNT_SIENNA:1:BURNT_UMBER:1:CHARCOAL:1:CHESTNUT:1:CHOCOLATE:1:CINNAMON:1:COPPER:1:DARK_BROWN:1:DARK_CHESTNUT:1:DARK_TAN:1:ECRU:1:FLAX:1:GOLD:1:GOLDEN_YELLOW:1:GOLDENROD:1:LIGHT_BROWN:1:MAHOGANY:1:OCHRE:1:PALE_BROWN:1:PALE_CHESTNUT:1:PUMPKIN:1:RAW_UMBER:1:RUSSET:1:SAFFRON:1:SEPIA:1:TAN:1:TAUPE_DARK:1:TAUPE_GRAY:1:TAUPE_MEDIUM:1:TAUPE_PALE:1:TAUPE_SANDY:1]
                [TLCM_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
            [TL_COLOR_MODIFIER:GRAY:1]
                [TLCM_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
                [TLCM_TIMING:ROOT:40:0:70:0]
            [TL_COLOR_MODIFIER:WHITE:1]
                [TLCM_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
                [TLCM_TIMING:ROOT:70:0:90:0]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:EYEBROW]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LENGTH:50:80:90:100:110:120:150]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyebrows:PLURAL]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:55:70:90:110:130:145]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:DENSE:50:80:90:100:110:120:150]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyebrows:PLURAL]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:55:70:90:110:130:145]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:HIGH_POSITION:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyebrows:PLURAL]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:EYELID:EYELASH]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LENGTH:50:80:90:100:110:120:150]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:eyelashes:PLURAL]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:55:70:90:110:130:145]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:HAIR]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHEEK_WHISKERS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHIN_WHISKERS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:MOUSTACHE]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:SIDEBURNS]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:LENGTH:0:0:0:0:0:0:0]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
                [APP_MOD_RATE:1:DAILY:0:1000:0:0:NO_END]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:10:25:75:125:200:300]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:CURLY:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:GREASY:0:70:90:100:110:130:200]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:DENSE:50:80:90:100:110:120:150]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:55:70:90:110:130:145]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:HAIR]
            [TISSUE_STYLE_UNIT:HAIR:STANDARD_HAIR_SHAPINGS]
                [TSU_NOUN:hair:SINGULAR]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHEEK_WHISKERS]
         [PLUS_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:CHIN_WHISKERS]
            [TISSUE_STYLE_UNIT:BEARD:STANDARD_BEARD_SHAPINGS]
                [TSU_NOUN:beard:SINGULAR]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:MOUSTACHE]
            [TISSUE_STYLE_UNIT:MOUSTACHE:STANDARD_MOUSTACHE_SHAPINGS]
                [TSU_NOUN:moustache:SINGULAR]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:HEAD:SIDEBURNS]
            [TISSUE_STYLE_UNIT:SIDEBURNS:STANDARD_SIDEBURNS_SHAPINGS]
                [TSU_NOUN:sideburns:PLURAL]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:ALL:SKIN]
    [TL_COLOR_MODIFIER:BROWN:1:BURNT_UMBER:1:CINNAMON:1:COPPER:1:DARK_BROWN:1:DARK_PEACH:1:DARK_TAN:1:ECRU:1:PALE_BROWN:1:PALE_CHESTNUT:1:PALE_PINK:1:PEACH:1:PINK:1:RAW_UMBER:1:SEPIA:1:TAN:1:TAUPE_PALE:1:TAUPE_SANDY:1]
                [TLCM_NOUN:skin:SINGULAR]
            [TISSUE_LAYER_APPEARANCE_MODIFIER:WRINKLY:0:0:0:0:0:0:0]
                [APP_MOD_RATE:1:YEARLY:0:100:30:0:NO_END]
                [APP_MOD_NOUN:skin:SINGULAR]
                [APP_MOD_DESC_RANGE:0:0:0:1:25:50]
        [SET_TL_GROUP:BY_CATEGORY:EYE:EYE]
            [TL_COLOR_MODIFIER:IRIS_EYE_AMBER:1:IRIS_EYE_AQUA:1:IRIS_EYE_AQUAMARINE:1:IRIS_EYE_ASH_GRAY:1:IRIS_EYE_AUBURN:1:IRIS_EYE_AZURE:1:IRIS_EYE_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_BRASS:1:IRIS_EYE_BRONZE:1:IRIS_EYE_BROWN:1:IRIS_EYE_CERULEAN:1:IRIS_EYE_CHESTNUT:1:IRIS_EYE_CHOCOLATE:1:IRIS_EYE_CINNAMON:1:IRIS_EYE_COPPER:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_BROWN:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_CHESTNUT:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_OLIVE:1:IRIS_EYE_DARK_TAN:1:IRIS_EYE_ECRU:1:IRIS_EYE_EMERALD:1:IRIS_EYE_FERN_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_GRAY:1:IRIS_EYE_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_JADE:1:IRIS_EYE_LIGHT_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_LIGHT_BROWN:1:IRIS_EYE_MAHOGANY:1:IRIS_EYE_MIDNIGHT_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_OCHRE:1:IRIS_EYE_OLIVE:1:IRIS_EYE_PALE_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_PALE_BROWN:1:IRIS_EYE_PALE_CHESTNUT:1:IRIS_EYE_PERIWINKLE:1:IRIS_EYE_PINE_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_RAW_UMBER:1:IRIS_EYE_RUSSET:1:IRIS_EYE_SEA_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_SEPIA:1:IRIS_EYE_SKY_BLUE:1:IRIS_EYE_SLATE_GRAY:1:IRIS_EYE_SPRING_GREEN:1:IRIS_EYE_TAN:1:IRIS_EYE_TAUPE_DARK:1:IRIS_EYE_TAUPE_GRAY:1:IRIS_EYE_TAUPE_MEDIUM:1:IRIS_EYE_TAUPE_PALE:1:IRIS_EYE_TAUPE_SANDY:1:IRIS_EYE_TEAL:1:IRIS_EYE_TURQUOISE:1]
                [TLCM_NOUN:eyes:PLURAL]

 

Edited by MyLuckyHaiku
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When the Great Principle prevails, the world is a commonwealth in which officials are selected according to their wisdom and ability. Mutual confidence is promoted and good neighborliness cultivated. Hence, people do not regard only their own parent and children, but regard the parents and children of others as well. Provision is secured for the aged till death, employment for the able-bodied, and the means of growing up for the young. Helpless widows and widowers, orphans and the lonely, as well as the sick and the disabled, are well cared for. Men and women have their respective occupations and homes. They do not like to see wealth lying idle, yet they do not use it for their own gratification. They despise indolence, yet they do not use their energies for their own benefit. In this way, selfish scheming is repressed, and robbers, thieves and the lawless no longer exist, and there is no need for people to shut their outer doors. This is called the Great Harmony.

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“Dimitri, why are we dancing?” asked a young Edelgard.

“To playfully establish our relationship!”

“No, I mean, why dancing specifically?”

Silence.

“Edelgard, we’ll be friends forever, right?”

She gave him a look.

“Forever? Forever? Forever? Forever? Forever?”

“...you done?”

“Forever?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I still don’t understand, Edelgard,” C.C. said.

“It’s quite simple, really,” she explained. ”I’m the daughter of the emperor of Adestria.”

“Then why are you at Garreg Mach?”

“Well, Fodlan consists of three nations: Adestria, Faerghus, Adrestia, Leicester, Adrestia, whatever they’re calling the setting of Fates nowadays, and Adestria. My father is the Emperor of Adestria, which meant he had many wives. Of course, that came with its own problems.”

==============

If I have to watch one more episode of Bridezillas, I’m gonna saw my own arm off.

==============

“I and a bunch of my brothers and sisters lived together in the palace—and by the goddess we were motherlicking adorable. Nunnally and I shared the same mother.”

==============

“NUNNALLY! WE HAVE TO KILL THE TOOTH FAIRY!”

Every day, I pray I was adopted.

==============

“But then, the noble houses of Adestria seized power from my father, and my Mother, Uncle, Nunnally and I were sent to live with King Lambert of Faerghus, a great man with only one flaw: his son.”

“I can survive solely on a diet of cheese and lighter fluid!” Dimitri cried from across the monastery.

“After a tragic slip ‘n slide incident, I was sent home, only to immediately be subjected, along with my siblings, to torturous Crest experimentation.”

================

“THAT SMARTS!” shouted a young Edelgard, as Solon injected dark energy into her body.

================

“The kingdom wasn’t doing much better in my absence...”

================

Thales sat on his throne, thinking.

What’s that...Faerghus? Something about...Faerghus?”

“We’re assassinating the ruling elite of Faerghus!”

Yeah, nailed it!

================

“A few years later, I was sent to live and study here, right in the belly of the beast. But, secretly, I run an elite underground team dedicated to toppling the Church of Seiros!”

================

“If anyone wants some pizza bagels, just send me an email!” Kronya said.

================

“And...that’s pretty much it! No gaping plot holes at all.”

“But—“

“AT ALL!”

“But what about your friends? What about Dorothea, and Caspar—“

“NO ONE CARES ABOUT CASPAR!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“You know what would suck?” Young Dimitri said. “Having white hair.”

Edelgard stared at him.

“You know what would suck even more? Having white hair and a drastically shortened lifespan!”

Edelgard stared at him.

“You know what would suck even more? Having white hair and a drastically shortened because of the experiments that killed all your siblings!”

“Dimitri!”

“Yeah?”

“You’re absolutely right.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“You’re leaving, professor?” Edelgard asked worriedly. 

“It’s just for a faculty meeting. I’m sure you kids can go a day without supervision.”

Three hours later, the monastery was in flames.

“CLAUDE, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

“But you told me to do it!”

“Liar!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“I need your help. Can you come here?” Edelgard asked.

“I can’t. I’m buying clothes,” Dimitri replied.

“Well, hurry up and come over here.”

“I can’t find them.”

“...what do you mean, ‘you can’t find them?’”

“I mean, I can’t find them. There’s only soup.”

“Well then, get out of the soup aisle!”

“All right! You don’t have to shout at me!”

Edelgard listened to his footsteps over the phone.

“There’s still more soup!”

“Go to the next aisle!”

“More soup!”

“Where are you?!”

“I’m at soup!”

“What do you mean you’re ‘at soup!?’”

“I mean, I’m at soup!”

“What store are you at?!”

“I’m at the soup store!”

“WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!”

“I WILL TAKE THAT HEAD FROM YOUR SHOULDERS, AND HANG IT FROM THE GATES OF ENBARR!!”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“You wanted to see me, Archbishop Rhea?” Edelgard asked.

“Yes, and I’ll be blunt with you: you have to stop killing people.”

“...why?”

“Because mother is sick and tired of reaping all their souls. You’re killing them faster than she can put them away. We may have lost a few.”

Nemesis gave a thumbs up from across the room.

“Wait, how did he get in here?”

“That’s not important. What IS important is that you stop killing all the wrong people.”

“So what you’re saying is...”

“Yes?”

“I need to kill all the right people!”

“No.”

 

Edited by KnightOfNohr
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