SB plays THE WORST FIRE EMBLEM GAME

[SB.]

[11:01:00] SB: ugh now i need a topic title

[11:01:05] SB: i hate everything

[11:01:25] Refaerith: "Fuck FE12: An FE12 Playthrough by Me, SB"

[11:01:45] SB: i think i cant swear in the topic title

But if I could, I would definitely have used that.

Because I hate myself.

Despite the amount of praise people give FE12, I've never liked this game. Which is weird, considering my favourite game is Shadow Dragon, and everyone seems to herald it as an improved version of FE11, but whatever. I think FE12 has some of the worst map design in the series, which is funny considering everyone talks about how much it improved since FE3 (which it is a remake of, if you dont' know), yet it didn't actually seem to solve any of FE3's problems, or just created new ones. I don't know since I've never played FE3 and don't really plan on doing that either!

I'm not /blind/ for this by any means, obviously, but I've never actually beaten the game because of how dull I found it. I think I got up to Chapter 17 or so on Lunatic before getting bored? It was the Gra chapter, fwiw. I'm playing this on H2 because I don't really feel like going through Lunatic again but feel like the lower difficulties don't do a good job of showing how stupidly designed some of the chapters in this game are.

I'm using the translation patch because I can't read weeaboo. It's actually a pretty good patch from what I've seen, so it's a shame it has to be wasted on a game like this :V

[spoiler=THE PAIN BEGINS]

For anyone who doesn't know, this game was the first FE to add in a MU/Avatar/whatever you want to call them. I'm still going to call them MU because it's shorter and there's nothing really wrong with it. I rnged appearance and name, and picked a mage because most of the magic users in this game aren't that good.

After choosing all of this, you get to choose your character's past/present/future. These do (iirc) nothing in terms of changing the plot but influence your bases and growths. I chose Farmer's Child (HP base/growth), Diverse (Str+Mag base/growth) and Honourable (Skl+Spd) growth which I'll soon find out is incredibly suboptimal but I never claimed to actually be good at Fire Emblem so it doesn't matter.

So now we jump into the first (of far, far too many) Prologue chapters, which are new additions to FE12.

I hate almost all of them.

]

So we begin by crashing into this girl here. It would probably help if at least one of us had our eyes open.

We apologise, and so does this girl, and then she immediately asks if we came here to be a knight.

I don't remember agreeing to this, but okay. It shouldn't be too hard to get in, considering they let Gordin through.

The girl introduces herself as Marthipan's #1 fangirl. I think Shiida will fight her over that, but whatever.

And over here, we have probably the best Cavalier in the game.

...And this loser. Fuck Rody.

How could you know that? It's not like they were yelling about it or anything.

Katarina is apparently psychic. Okay.

Idk man if Gordin gets in, it must be pretty easy. I think the Cleric over there could probably 2RKO him with Mend.

But either way, Jagen is clearly starting to lose it in his old age.

Or is terrible at maths. You decide.

???

What did you think we would be doing as knights?

tl;dr kat's a loser.

And by "up next" he means "up first". But yeah, time for the map I guess.

So, here we are. We can finally see our stats, which are frankly kind of abysmal. Mages have pretty awful bases, so there isn't much we can really do about that sadly.

This map is incredibly simple and kind of boring. This applies to almost all of the prologue chapters, sadly.

The boss here is Jagen, who somehow lost a ton of stats from Shadow Dragon which makes me sad. Thankfully, Javelins were nerfed into the ground for this game or else we would have no chance at beating him.

We kill off the soldier, taking a hit in return, and then reach him.

...As you can see, this is kind of a shitty situation for us.

Thankfully, I have an entire vulnerary to burn through, or else this would just be a wonderful RNGfest.

He eventually drops, and we get an okay level out of it, I guess.

And by that, he means me, because Katarina is completely useless. Even she admits this.

I'm not sure if that's the right word, but okay?

Actually, I'm pretty sure it was Lena who was responsible for ending the war in less than 100 turns, but nobody cares about the support staffbots apparently. This fangirling continues for a little while...

...Until Jagen tells her to shut up and we can move on.

If it's peaceful, you shouldn't need to risk your life???

This speech is kind of silly.

I can't take that face seriously. It just looks like Marth is trolling everyone.

At this rate, we'll have a cheerleading squad for him set up by the end of the day.

NEXT TIME, more boring tutorial chapters.

Edited August 20, 2015 by SB.

[Refa]

Wow, Paula is worse than I thought. Glad I never picked mage when I was going through the game (even though I never beat it). Are you going to be going into more detail about the map design once it starts being more complicated than a square with two to four enemies?

[BBM]

obligatory how does Paula fight with her eyes closed

why are you even playing FE12; just to show how bad it is?

[SB.]

Wow, Paula is worse than I thought. Glad I never picked mage when I was going through the game (even though I never beat it). Are you going to be going into more detail about the map design once it starts being more complicated than a square with two to four enemies?

I'm sure I'll have plenty to yell about when it gets to actual chapters, yeah.

obligatory how does Paula fight with her eyes closed

why are you even playing FE12; just to show how bad it is?

Masochism and to give me encouragement to actually beat the game, so I never feel the need to touch it again.

[spoiler=CHILD SOLDIERS]

So, here's the world map. This is pretty much a retelling of Shadow Dragon so I'm not gonna bother posting the full thing.

...But I find the fact that Marth somehow managed to escape straight through the middle of Archanea to be pretty funny. Also this game is set one year after Shadow Dragon but it's not really too relevant.

Emphasis on the "young".

Speak for yourself, Paula.

And here we have the rest of our platoon:

-The best Cav

-The worst Cav

-An 8 year old child

Why the fuck is Ryan here again?

Luke being the commander could only end well, I agree.

But then I get volunteered as tribute.

I would've gladly used you as a meatshield if I could; it would've saved some vulnerary uses.

But I have boobs!

Seriously though, I like Luke's dialogue a lot. It's a shame that he has Lyn Mode syndrome and won't really show up after the Prologue.

"But to make it fair, Luke and I will go inject ourselves with steroids first, brb"

I don't think Katarina gets what "making fun of you" means.

I'm sure having an 8 year old will help us immensely.

2HKO me and win. Easy.

Except Luke is an idiot.

So yeah, here's another map. It has more terrain than the last one had, but it's still boring as hell.

Here's Ryan, he's good if you pour exp into him but he's a lame archer and also I don't support child soldiers. He's getting benched as soon as possible.

...Especially with a performance like that.

The only way to beat this chapter with a shitty MU is to hug forts and chug your vulneraries constantly. Otherwise, you'll just end up dying horribly.

Thankfully, FE12 has terrible AI that prioritises doing the most damage over attacking units who can't counter (RYAN) or else this would be a lost cause from the start.

I don't think stabbing a girl will make them go crazy for you, Luke. It might work in Hull, but that's just how Hull works.

Anyway, another level. Sadly, there's still no magic coming out, but otherwise it's pretty decent.

Anyway, after finishing off Luke, we do the same thing to Rody. We lure him back to the fort after one turn, and then hit him until he dies.

That's pretty much it for this chapter. Do you see why I dislike the Prologue yet?

It's time to talk about friendship!

Aren't you excited?

Alternatively, just basic tactics, but let's call it friendship instead.

Gordin would think that, considering how terrible his stats are.

And steroids, don't forget about that part.

Well, that happened.

It just occurred to me that Owain is an overkill version of Luke. Huh.

WHAT EYES

I feel like Luke has to be mocking us, with that face.

Next time, we continue fighting in a 9x6 square box!

...That doesn't change for a while.

[Nintales]

Rody actually isn't that bad. Sure, his speed base is horrendous, but 80% Speed growth as an Archer is pretty neat. I like using him, and he's basically sheeda-lite with better strength and defensive stats.

Luke's awesome, and Ryan's... Okay? I always favor Rody over him, but trained he's really good.

FE12's not the worst FE, duh. It's FE11.

Paula has MUSCLES

[BrightBow]

I never thought much about what an effect the closed eyes could have on the dialogue. It seems like MU is trying really hard to endure all the stupid around here.

Edit: And it's only the second map and the game is already sabotaging the whole comrades theme with it's desperate need to levitate the player character above everyone else. It's less obvious with a female character, but with a male one, the Luke boss convo looks like this:

Luke: Chris, I've heard rumors about you! Sir Jagen said that there was a recruit who stood out from the rest of us!
Chris: Is that so?
Luke: Yeah, that's right! And I bet you're hogging all the attention, overshadowing the rest of us! I'll beat you here to prove I'm the best! Prepare yourself!

It's hard to get the sense that you need your friends as much as they need you if you are constantly told how much better you are then those scrubs. Even at the end, they don't say that Luke lost because Chris and Ryan were working together as a team but because Luke and Rody foolishly decided to face the mighty Chris one by one.

Edited August 20, 2015 by BrightBow

[TheMoniker]

You don't support child soldiers? I bet you'd use Gordin if he growths like Nino...

[X-Naut]

obligatory how does Paula fight with her eyes closed

She prays everything is where she thinks it is.

Also, obligatory glad this isn't FE6 because the "FE6 is the worst FE" mantra is so old already (even if it's not the greatest).

[Squidmark Iggy]

OH BOY FE12

WITH SB

I'M HYPE

(even though FE11 with SB seems to be even more hype)

[SB.]

Rody actually isn't that bad. Sure, his speed base is horrendous, but 80% Speed growth as an Archer is pretty neat. I like using him, and he's basically sheeda-lite with better strength and defensive stats.

Luke's awesome, and Ryan's... Okay? I always favor Rody over him, but trained he's really good.

FE12's not the worst FE, duh. It's FE11.

Paula has MUSCLES

Rody is a worse version of Luke at base, and Shiida's main draw is her Wing Spear instead of her ridiculous speed stat so there's no reason to use Rody over her either.

Ryan is alright but he looks like he's 8 years old and he has 4 base speed. Too much effort.

FE11 has it's problems, but FE12 is waaaaaaay worse.

I never thought much about what an effect the closed eyes could have on the dialogue. It seems like MU is trying really hard to endure all the stupid around here.

This is why we don't let 8 year olds into the army. Or Katarina.

You don't support child soldiers? I bet you'd use Gordin if he growths like Nino...

At least Gordin didn't look like an 8 year old in FE11. And I'm sure he would appreaciate Nino's magic growth. He gets reclassed to Cleric by a lot of people anyway, so it must be his calling!

She prays everything is where she thinks it is.

Also, obligatory glad this isn't FE6 because the "FE6 is the worst FE" mantra is so old already (even if it's not the greatest).

FE6 is my second favourite FE. I do think it's one of the worst in terms of design, but I have a lot more fun with it than I have with the SNES FEs, FE9 or FE12 tbh.

OH BOY FE12

WITH SB

I'M HYPE

(even though FE11 with SB seems to be even more hype)

Me playing FE11 would probably be pretty boring since I actually like the game and 80% of my commentary is complaining. It's probably a British thing.

[Nintales]

Rody is a worse version of Luke at base, and Shiida's main draw is her Wing Spear instead of her ridiculous speed stat so there's no reason to use Rody over her either.

Ryan is alright but he looks like he's 8 years old and he has 4 base speed. Too much effort.

FE11 has it's problems, but FE12 is waaaaaaay worse.

Rody can be really decent when he gets speed. I often bench Doga because Rody gets tankier and stronger. Though he takes a while to go, but he's really good. Was quite one of my best units in my 7th Platoon Lunatic playthrough.

FE12's real problem is character balance, making it you can only play with a few chosen unless you're crazy and farming a lot.

And don't forget people say Ryan is so cute, and that they wanna hug him... Siiiick

This is why we don't let 8 year olds into the army. Or Katarina.

Can someone tell me how she got accepted into the army while she could not fight? And suddenly at Prologue 8 she reveals she can fight, of flipping course. By the way, I never saw her as the tactician.

And uh... Yubello and Yumina want to have a word with you...

[Elieson]

This game is so bad.

[I love fire emblem]

People that hate this game, oh shit this is a breathe of fresh air, I mean I like this game, it's my 5th favorite FE game, but i'm kinda sick and tired of people praising this game to be perfectly honest. Please entertain me SB.

EDIT: Though I will admit that the game can go fuck it self on lunatic reverse (though its not nearly as bad as Awakening's lunatic+).

Edited August 20, 2015 by I love fire emblem

[MrNight48]

I loved and beat this game on hard mode. MU was a bandanna wearing hero that 1 shot everything. with his huge muscles, he carried the team till the final chapter where marth had to finally step up. this game was the SHIT!

then I played lunatic mode

fuck this game, its flaws became too huge to ignore after that and haven't be able to play it since. Good luck SB

[Tryhard]

i don't care what you think fe6 is still worse literally fite me

Edited August 20, 2015 by Tryhard

[Elieson]

Either way both FE6 and 12 weren't good enough to be pushed stateside, otherwise they'd have a NA version, so that's all that matters

#salting_the_fries

[Nobody]

As someone that also really likes FE11 and find FE12 meh, this is playthrough is going to be entertaining.

[SB.]

FE12's real problem is character balance, making it you can only play with a few chosen unless you're crazy and farming a lot.

And uh... Yubello and Yumina want to have a word with you...

FE12 has literally the worst character balance in the series. At least FE10 Fiona was only one unit.

I don't really want to use either of them anyway.

I loved and beat this game on hard mode. MU was a bandanna wearing hero that 1 shot everything. with his huge muscles, he carried the team till the final chapter where marth had to finally step up. this game was the SHIT!

then I played lunatic mode

fuck this game, its flaws became too huge to ignore after that and haven't be able to play it since. Good luck SB

Yeah, the difficulty change between H1 and H2 is nuts; H1 is kind of dull with how easy it is (especially after the snoozefest of a prologue) but H2 just has some really dumb shit in it and isn't that much easier than Lunatic.

i don't care what you think fe6 is still worse literally fite me

Find me a chapter worse than FE2 Chapter 3 and then we'll talk.

Anyway, time to show the game getting dumb(er).

[spoiler=PRACTICALLY CHEATING]

This could apply to pretty much 6 chapters of the prologue. This title is very creative.

The seventh platoon is basically Luke and a bunch of wards chip damage at this point tbh.

Cain is here and he's still okay. Abel buggered off because of Est or something though rip.

These generics are so Laim they don't even have Auffle names to make fun of.

Also, Shiida is the boss. She's actually kind of bullshit so don't listen to a word she says here.

Katarina's fangirling aside, Shiida doesn't mess around. She has 14 AS - over double what any of our party has, and does a ton of damage. She will move if you get in range of her, which makes completing this chapter kind of a pain in the ass.

All of the generics will 2HKO any of your units on H2 or above, unless you have a strong knight or fighter MU. Merc could /probably/ work as well if they got good rolls on levels, but maybe not.

In contrast...

We do pretty much nothing back to them! Paula 4HKOes, Rody and Ryan 3-4HKOes and Luke is only slightly better off than Rody. Unless you have a good MU, statistically you can't beat this chapter without a crit or a dodeg because the enemies are too beefy and do too much damage.

Even if you stay outside of the top fighter's range (which gives you a total of 6 squares to place 4 units on) you're still going to get overwhelmed and can't even manuever properly without getting Shiida to come over and wreck your shit.

So, how do you beat it?

By doing shit that shouldn't actually work.

This was a sane formation I tried, which failed because the top fighter was lured by Luke and he could die from it.

I also tried shielding Ryan, which didn't actually get anyone killed, but didn't put me in a position to actually kill anything without another death the next turn.

This... was just a fuckup. But notice how both enemies didn't gang up on Ryan to murder him!

This is a flaw with FE12's AI. Unless they can immediately kill enemies, they will instead go for the target they can do the most damage to - in this case, Paula.

Abusing this is pretty much the only way to clear this chapter, which is a load of shit because you're forced to make moves that aren't actually smart in order to win. And what's more, you need to spend a while working out a formation that actually works and lets you clear the enemies out. If I wanted that shit, I would play Advance Wars.

This is the formation that eventually works for me - both the Merc and Fighter could probably kill Ryan here but decide it's funnier to fuck around and hit Paula to deal more damage.

Eventually, we manage to kill them off, which just leaves Shiida as an easy target to bait with Luke.

After that, Paula steals the kill and doesn't actually level. I'm kind of worried about her Fire tome because you don't get another one for a while...

But yeah, we cleared the chapter and Shiida joins us because we're competent or something. I don't really get it.

For some reason we decide that adding a unit that can actually kill things into our ranks is a Bad Idea and should ask Jagen first.

He's cool with it, and after we ask him about it he gives us a question.

This is actually a Cleverly Disguised Route Split that determines who we fight and recruit next chapter.

Yes brings us to Athena's chapter, where we fight her as the boss and recruit her after. As for no? Well, you'll see. Athena's is the far easier chapter, but since I've already established that I hate myself just by playing this game, I'm going to answer "no".

And then Jagen talks about recruiting people and how Marf is the shit.

Spoiler alert: MU recruits approximately one person throughout this entire game and they're not even a good unit. But she totally understands, thanks Jagen.

Also, more friendship in case there wasn't enough of that already.

NEXT TIME, ARROW HELL

Edited August 21, 2015 by SB.

[TheMoniker]

You know, I played FE11, didn't particularly like it, and thought FE12 would've been better... but now I see I was probably wrong. I know things haven't "gotten going" yet, but clearly, the best way to introduce a game is with a story that opens up at an extremely slow pace, and battles that either don't test the player's skills or are BS!

Quick question; how much easier is this chapter on normal mode?

[SB.]

Normal and H1 is pretty much a stomp if you pick a good MU and manageable without one.

Also I forgot to ask this in my last post, but if anyone knows how to fix the graphical glitches on the map I'd appreciate the info (I use desmume). I'm pretty sure there's a setting for it, but I don't remember what it is.

[Breezy Kanzaki]

Oh cool an SB playthrough

you really like playing bad games for SF don't you?

ahh FE12

I can literally only tolerate this game once we get past the Dragon chapters

But getting there is a long journey rip

Also *insert joke about Irelia avatar and you playing FE12 here*

[SB.]

Also *insert joke about Irelia avatar and you playing FE12 here*

Balance in all things.

Except for FE12's cast.

[Tryhard]

Find me a chapter worse than FE2 Chapter 3 and then we'll talk.

FE2 Chapter 3? u wot m8

everyone knows the mountain is a bad map but imo still better than arcadia

[SB.]

arcadia is bad but in a challenging way rather than a "THIS MAP IS TAKING 4 HOURS AND ALL I'M DOING IS WALKING" kind of way

[Tamanoir]

FE2 Chapter 3? u wot m8

everyone knows the mountain is a bad map but imo still better than arcadia

FE2's maps are honnestly some of the worst of the series.

Doesn't stop me for loving the game.

I only played it on Nrmal and H1. Then I stopped at chapter... 11. (the one when you recruit Jake, and never restarted.)

I found it quite... rigid in its gameplay. (like each map forcing y to LTC like crazy or be killed by the Invincible Armada).

That and like FE11, this game condemn Avo Tank,, which are my favourite kind of units.

Anyway, this LP looks interresting.