Story The New Dark Dragon

[Tangerine]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bGYm_-v6dFgLviBRMah-Y97zpwb5pE59gIY84KDvJSY/edit?pref=2&pli=1

Edited February 2, 2016 by Tangerine

[Balcerzak]

I had a bit of a hard time appreciating this entry, due in part to its reliance on the crutch of a screenplay format. The frequent breaking of the fourth wall also bothered me quite a bit. I'm sorry I don't know if there's anything more I can really say here.

[Nym]

I had a bit of a hard time appreciating this entry, due in part to its reliance on the crutch of a screenplay format. The frequent breaking of the fourth wall also bothered me quite a bit. I'm sorry I don't know if there's anything more I can really say here.

I must first thank you for commenting my story, I was really waiting for a reply and specially with criticism.

As you probably noticed by now, I'm not a English native and I wasn't comfortable with the common way of writting dialogues which is why I wrote it like a script.

Maybe I went a little too far on 4th wall breaking, I'll be careful next year.

[Balcerzak]

As you probably noticed by now, I'm not a English native and I wasn't comfortable with the common way of writting dialogues which is why I wrote it like a script.

To be perfectly honest, I hadn't noticed, so take that as you will. Sometimes it's pretty obviously the case when someone isn't native, othertimes it's borderline because a lot of natives can also really struggle with the language (maybe because of dyslexia or some other learning disorder, or maybe because it's just hard for them), but I didn't get that sense from your work either, so you've pretty obviously got something going for you. It just felt like you were probably one of our younger users, early teens maybe, who was having a bit of a fun time playing around in the contest, and not going into it as a serious literature exercise (which, if true, would be a perfectly fine state of mind to enter a piece with, don't get me wrong!)

Edit: Your post kind of tempted me a little to go back, reread, and try to look for some telltales now that I know, but there are so many other works I haven't got around to yet, so that's not likely to happen.

Edited February 4, 2016 by Balcerzak

[Nym]

To be perfectly honest, I hadn't noticed, so take that as you will. Sometimes it's pretty obviously the case when someone isn't native, othertimes it's borderline because a lot of natives can also really struggle with the language (maybe because of dyslexia or some other learning disorder, or maybe because it's just hard for them), but I didn't get that sense from your work either, so you've pretty obviously got something going for you. It just felt like you were probably one of our younger users, early teens maybe, who was having a bit of a fun time playing around in the contest, and not going into it as a serious literature exercise (which, if true, would be a perfectly fine state of mind to enter a piece with, don't get me wrong!)

Edit: Your post kind of tempted me a little to go back, reread, and try to look for some telltales now that I know, but there are so many other works I haven't got around to yet, so that's not likely to happen.

Well, I had a little help from eclipse (she correct a few errors of grammar and vocabulary I made) but the story was all by myself.

Speaking of which, (I'm 17 btw) ​I had a hard time choosing between writing a serious story or a not serious story. I choose the latter (so I pretty much wrote it for fun, yeah, but I tried to not write nonsense) but I guess I wrote it the wrong way anyway.

You don't have to read it again, my kindness will not make the story better if you didn't like it in the first place but I appreaciate the thought.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Nym

[Kakeyo]

Well, this was a different piece!

I want to say the tone was comical, what with the references to actual game mechanics and whatnot, but it also came off as serious at some points. The screenplay style is something I don't see often - interesting overall.

[Balcerzak]

I choose the latter (so I pretty much wrote it for fun, yeah, but I tried to not write nonsense) but I guess I wrote it the wrong way anyway.

I never said that was the wrong way. I explicitly said it was a perfectly valid approach.*

It's just, writing comedy is way more difficult than writing tragedy, drama, or other serious subjects, and I personally tend to judge it more harshly I find. What some people don't find amusing though, others may love. It kind of feels like you're putting too much stock in my opinions here. I mean, yes I did offer them, and hoped they'd be considered, but I don't want you to be demoralized or discouraged because of them. I'll look forward to reading what you do next year, but don't feel you have to cater to me. If you want to write another humorous piece, by all means go ahead. As long as you keep writing, and keep improving, that's all I could ask for.

Edit: *Unless you meant the screenplay bit, I still do disagree with that. I'm only discussing the whole "not serious" aspect at the moment.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Balcerzak

[Nym]

Well, this was a different piece!

I want to say the tone was comical, what with the references to actual game mechanics and whatnot, but it also came off as serious at some points. The screenplay style is something I don't see often - interesting overall.

Glad you like it!

I never said that was the wrong way. I explicitly said it was a perfectly valid approach.*

It's just, writing comedy is way more difficult than writing tragedy, drama, or other serious subjects, and I personally tend to judge it more harshly I find. What some people don't find amusing though, others may love. It kind of feels like you're putting too much stock in my opinions here. I mean, yes I did offer them, and hoped they'd be considered, but I don't want you to be demoralized or discouraged because of them. I'll look forward to reading what you do next year, but don't feel you have to cater to me. If you want to write another humorous piece, by all means go ahead. As long as you keep writing, and keep improving, that's all I could ask for.

Edit: *Unless you meant the screenplay bit, I still do disagree with that.

Sorry, maybe I got carried a little too far here.

Oh I see.

The script was really only for helping me (and less words to write too, which is a ''bonus'').

Edited February 5, 2016 by Nym

[eclipse]

In terms of genre difficulty, comedy relies on knowing your audience, so it ranges from fairly easy to ZOMG, depending on how well you can read other people. Satire's on another level entirely.

I didn't want to fix every grammar error in your work, because I felt that your voice needed to carry through. That's why I only hit the beginning and the ending - that way, the reader would know what they were in for, and how it concluded, but the actual story would be told by you. So was me being out of time.

[Nym]

In terms of genre difficulty, comedy relies on knowing your audience, so it ranges from fairly easy to ZOMG, depending on how well you can read other people. Satire's on another level entirely.

I didn't want to fix every grammar error in your work, because I felt that your voice needed to carry through. That's why I only hit the beginning and the ending - that way, the reader would know what they were in for, and how it concluded, but the actual story would be told by you. So was me being out of time.

Still, I would be lying if I would say that you weren't a good help.

So thank you again :).