Tangerine Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UGsCDnY5MUuZyyRYxLuVvhy_uBFowzWqHoNOL-9g1p0/edit?pref=2&pli=1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balcerzak Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) This was amazingly powerful, with really solid writing that puts much of my own to shame. Personally, though, I have a bit of a complaint with the penultimate paragraph. While I can definitely see while you felt compelled to include it, I thought it diluted what you'd already accomplished, and that the work would have stood much more firmly had the cavaliers remained fully anonymous. Identifying them with the whole array of actual figures was certainly better than tying them to any in particular, but I still feel it was a flawed approach. Not only does the occasional case of reversed archetype in a specific game weaken the thrust of the argument, but a specific enumeration cuts down the possibility of future examples before their prime, and the readers' imaginations will always have a wingspan exceeding the authors' words, so shackling it like that is a little foolish, in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, it's just a quibble I have, and trying to put into words why it made me feel a little out of sorts is certainly blowing it up to appear much bigger than it is, and without a doubt, I'm sure there are people out there who would probably appreciate what that paragraph brings to the story, and might argue that without it the work would be diminished. But I cannot in conscience count myself in their number. Very well done, regardless. I look forward to reading other things by you in the future. Edited February 3, 2016 by Balcerzak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaman Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 This was interesting to read. I did not understand at first, but then I got it when all of the characters were named. I was trying to figure out which of the green and red cavaliers the characters were, but in the end it was all of them. It is an interesting read because I tried to put myself in the head-space of a living "archetype" that has these overlapping memories of past incarnations, which all served the same purpose in battle. They are always paired together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Interceptor Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 This was amazingly powerful, with really solid writing that puts much of my own to shame. Personally, though, I have a bit of a complaint with the penultimate paragraph. While I can definitely see while you felt compelled to include it, I thought it diluted what you'd already accomplished, and that the work would have stood much more firmly had the cavaliers remained fully anonymous. Identifying them with the whole array of actual figures was certainly better than tying them to any in particular, but I still feel it was a flawed approach. Not only does the occasional case of reversed archetype in a specific game weaken the thrust of the argument, but a specific enumeration cuts down the possibility of future examples before their prime, and the readers' imaginations will always have a wingspan exceeding the authors' words, so shackling it like that is a little foolish, in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, it's just a quibble I have, and trying to put into words why it made me feel a little out of sorts is certainly blowing it up to appear much bigger than it is, and without a doubt, I'm sure there are people out there who would probably appreciate what that paragraph brings to the story, and might argue that without it the work would be diminished. But I cannot in conscience count myself in their number. Very well done, regardless. I look forward to reading other things by you in the future. Thank you very much for your honesty! I had some of the same concerns as you've mentioned while writing, particularly in how naming the currently existing cavaliers does present limitations as future games are developed. I tried to get around that by implying that these were only a sampling of individuals the green cavalier knew he was, but reading over the paragraph again I do notice the names stick out. I also was rather disappointed I could not find a way to make the green cavalier truly anonymous and ended up assigning a masculine gender pronoun. Repeating 'they' and 'the cavalier' unfortunately didn't have the same fluidity as using 'he'. The story was originally going to be from the point of view of the red cavalier, but I altered this when I realized that remaining gender neutral wasn't working: I figured at least all of the currently existing green cavaliers are male (unless Fates ends up proving me wrong, I've been avoiding information/spoilers like the plague) and thus at this point in time a male cavalier could reasonably be any and all of them. This was interesting to read. I did not understand at first, but then I got it when all of the characters were named. I was trying to figure out which of the green and red cavaliers the characters were, but in the end it was all of them. It is an interesting read because I tried to put myself in the head-space of a living "archetype" that has these overlapping memories of past incarnations, which all served the same purpose in battle. They are always paired together. Thank you! This is a far more experimental piece than I normally write, so I'm glad you enjoyed it even if it was a bit confusing at first :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy Foxie Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Somehow this really brings the archetype to life and is an interesting perspective. They definitely come as a pair and one unit, and this is enhanced the entire way through without it being in your face. It actually reminds me a bit of Legend of Zelda, with these various incarnations. Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed this piece :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kakeyo Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I liked this story - the Christmas paladins (what I've always thought of the red and green pairings) are a staple of Fire Emblem! Although, I guess they're ninjas in the upcoming Fates game... I loved the dramatic rhetoric as well. Feels very Fire Emblem. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Interceptor Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 Crazy Foxie and Kakeyo, thank you for your kind comments! It's always nice to hear back from people who like my works :) Christmas ninjas, you say? I am totally cool with Christmas ninjas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldorn Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 So, usually this is the part where I try to sound smart and give helpful feedback and stuff. Except I have nothing. Let's just say...if this doesn't make it to the next round, there will be crimson. Seriously though--fantastic work. In the top 3 of all the writing submissions in my mind. I actually loved the penultimate paragraph. It had very nice metering and flow to it, as well as tying the story back to all the other stories we've known for so long. The overall mood of the poem reminded me of The Charge of the Light Brigade, to be perfectly honest. It was amazing. BRAVO. *claps hands off* I can't say anything bad. Excuse me while I go cry in a corner for two Christmas themed fictional characters and their equally fictional ancestors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Interceptor Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Wow, thank you Meldorn. Those compliments made my day! I was actually thinking of The Charge of the Light Brigade as I wrote this. The story has several inspirations: The Charge of the Light Brigade, The Wheel of Time's concept of certain heroes being periodically reborn (sometimes in pairs), and my own Fire Emblem campaigns in multiple games. Seriously, it seems like in every game there is at least one incident where i foolishly get into a bad situation and have to send in the cavalry, led by the green and red cavaliers of course, to buy me time to save the rest of the units! It has happened so many times in my current play through of Binding Blade that at this point it might as well be called the Grand Adventures of Alan and Lance with guest appearances by Noah the Timely Backup and Clarine.the Destroyer of Worlds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotari Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) Thank you very much for your honesty! I had some of the same concerns as you've mentioned while writing, particularly in how naming the currently existing cavaliers does present limitations as future games are developed. I tried to get around that by implying that these were only a sampling of individuals the green cavalier knew he was, but reading over the paragraph again I do notice the names stick out. I also was rather disappointed I could not find a way to make the green cavalier truly anonymous and ended up assigning a masculine gender pronoun. Repeating 'they' and 'the cavalier' unfortunately didn't have the same fluidity as using 'he'. The story was originally going to be from the point of view of the red cavalier, but I altered this when I realized that remaining gender neutral wasn't working: I figured at least all of the currently existing green cavaliers are male (unless Fates ends up proving me wrong, I've been avoiding information/spoilers like the plague) and thus at this point in time a male cavalier could reasonably be any and all of them. Curse that limitation of the English language! Also I'm going to compliment something others haven't mentioned yet and that's the title. Certainly adds an element of boldness and grandeur, perfectly getting across what you're describing before the story even starts. Edited February 8, 2016 by Jotari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sword_of_Dusk Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I do attempt to give some useful criticism when I can, but I've got naught but a lot of nitpicky stuff. This has become one of my favorite entries, and I hope it makes it far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Interceptor Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Jotari and Sword_of_Dusk, thank you both for your kind words! And thanks to everyone who read this story. It was great to share my work with a wider audience! I have an account for my stories on fanfiction.net, but I think I'll start putting up some of my Fire Emblem specific ones in the forums here as well. I've got a few old dusty ones stored away that have yet to see the light of day- perhaps they shall soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldorn Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Totally off topic, but I had this lying around my screenshots folder and it reminded me of your story :P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaos Steel Wing Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Short, but powerful. It was a surprise twist when the cavaliers charged forward, disobeying their lord's command That last page was really great, it goes sort of meta but also shows the spirit of Fire Emblem, how it transcends any setting or conflict, how the tradition continues between time and place across the series. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadows Interceptor Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Thank you XaosLogos! That feel of transcendence is exactly what I was going for. For anyone who is interested in reading some of my other work you can find me on fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2100895/Shadow-s-Interceptor I primarily write character driven stories that take and expand upon the worlds and characters already given to us in the original work. Two overarching themes in a lot of my stories are family and friendship. I've written the most stories for Final Fantasy VI, though I have also dabbled in writing for Final Fantasy V, VII, and IX, Fire Emblem (obviously), and a few others that aren't all that good. My current project is a story that follows two characters from Final Fantasy VI, Cyan, a warrior who has lost everything but his life, and Gau, a child raised by monsters, through the events of the game and explores how they help each other heal and grow. Also in progress is a massive editing attempt for my other big Final Fantasy VI story, about the relationship between the characters Shadow, the assassin who has killed his emotions, and Relm, the stubborn little girl who decides to befriend him anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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