Story The Question of Peace

[Tangerine]

How many ages hence

Shall this our lofty scene be acted over

In states unborn and accents yet unknown!

• William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

Through fire and death this army had ventured to finally reach this point. The road behind them was paved with the corpses of friends and enemies alike. Yet at last Doluna Keep loomed before the armies of the Akaneian League, its spires and battlements cleared of enemies while forces inside still awaited the final struggle for the future of the continent. While tents and gear had been pitched outside, there would be no long siege of the final bastion of evil. The Earth Dragon had to be stopped now while there was still a chance, the threat Medeus posed was too great to simply try and contain him within his fortress. So preparations for a final assault on Doluna Keep to be undertaken upon the next morrow were underway. The assembled forces of an entire continent from almost every nation, profession, background, and motivation were on display here as all but the most unaware knew the deadly seriousness of the situation. It would seem a strange thing to look upon this army if you were an outsider, for rather than a uniform force it seemed no one soldier was alike with this band. Knights and mages, clerics and thieves, royalty and even legends themselves walked among this army. It was like no army the lands had seen since the time of their ancient legends, and it would probably not see it’s like again for generations. At this time however, the entire camp was all action and bustle, preparing for the final battle that would decide everything for themselves and those they cared about. Many dealt with the tension and fear of the coming storm in different ways. Some sought the company and laughter of others, a few sharpened their weapons and practiced their strikes with all the diligence and care they could muster, the religious among them felt called to prayer and contemplation of their gods and goddesses, and a some among the group simply readied their weapons prepared to treat this as just another job or battle that needed doing. No matter how they chose to prepare for battle, all were filled with a sense of finality about the whole affair. This task ahead of them was hard fought for by the struggles behind them, and all their weapons, power, and skill would be brought to bear one last time for one final test of resolve and courage.

However, no more could a feeling of worry and despondency be felt than in the largest of the army’s tents. Inside a blue colored construct of canvas and cord sat Prince Marth of Altea, Lord and Leader of this might host of colorful characters. He of all people knew the destruction that could be brought by the forces of darkness, of what could be lost if evil was not vanquished and defeated from the lands. A tender lad of 14 he had been, when he had seen his home put to the torch, his family killed or captured, and his homeland torn asunder by greed and evil ambition. It was hard to imagine that here he was now, only 16 years of age leading the greatest army on the continent and having the command of men and women of far greater age and experience. Yet here he was, the boy prince come back to finally redeem the land and lead the forces of good against the earth dragon once again. Here he was showered with accolades and the praises of his men and the people, here he was hailed as Anri come again, but still why was he so uneasy? Why in his sleep did he still dream of endless fires and of the faces of the dead on his side and the enemies? Resolve wasn’t a thing he was lacking in, quite the contrary, he knew what he had to do and how to do it, before him on the table was the legendary blade Falchion, and next to it was the symbol granted unto him of the Fire Emblem. Still though the prince’s mind was uneasy as he scoured over books on military strategy, planning, and logistics. This last battle would be the defining moment of this generation, and maybe for a thousand generations to come. Perhaps that’s why this was how Jagen found his liege lord hunched over his desk as the sun began to set low over the mountains. The stalwart paladin witnessed that the desk of the leader of the Akaneian League had innumerable books and ledgers scattered across its surface. However, there was only one book that was clenched in the hands of the young hero he’d seen grow from a child in the castle gardens to a warrior of great renown and skill. It was an old book from the libraries of the Capital of Altea, one Genealogy of the Holy War. Jagen remembered that book well, as did nearly all who studied history and legends. A story of faraway lands, of bloodshed, of treason, of tragedy, love and loss, of the bitterness of defeat and the grim exaltation of victory won at a heavy cost. Jagen could see plainly that his lord was engrossed wholly in the book, barely noticing his entrance even as he heavy armor clanked unsubtly. Rather than simply stand waiting for a response Jagen cleared his throat rather loudly, Marth was startled out of his reading stupor and quickly turned to face his knight, standing as he did so.

“Oh, Sir Jagen. I apologize, I was wrapped up in my thoughts. I should’ve noticed your entrance.”

“Think nothing of it my lord.” The Paladin waved off good naturedly, “The troops are preparing diligently for the battle to come, and everyone is ready to give everything to end this war.”

“Yes, to end this war... At last it will all be over” There was a heavy step to his voice, and though he tried to mask it beneath the layers of command and decorum drilled into him through study and experience Jagen could see right through the image his old ward wished to project.

The old man’s eyes softened and once again Jagen had to remind himself this Hero-King as some were calling him, had not yet seen 20 winters. Speaking more as a friend and mentor than as an advisor and warrior Jagen allowed himself to relax and ask a simple question.

“Are you alright my lord?” It was a simple enough question, but one that people still sometimes had to learn to be willing to ask. “You seem troubled and ill at ease.”

There were a few thoughtful moments of silence that hung in the air before Marth once again took the tome of the faraway Holy War and held it his hands.

“I was tired after looking over the various paperworks that plague me even to this day, and i decided to set my eyes upon this old book. I read it remembering as a boy how much I would relish my father reading to me stories of Prince Seliph or Lord Sigurd.”

Prince Marth began to pace around his tent, a steady gait that somehow shone with purpose despite its apparent aimlessness.

“I was a young man on the run in Tayls before I read of just calamities as the Battle of Belhalla. Of all that Prince Seliph had suffered to redeem the name of his father and restore his kingdom. Heh, when looked at in its entirely my own troubles seem very small indeed.”

The smile that once adorned his face faded after a moment though.

“I then got to the end, wherein much is set to rights, but the struggle against the Lopto is not ended in its entirety. From what the book says there was times of great peace but almost as if it was routine, the continent was plunged into terrible war once again and again.”

There perhaps lay the crux of the matter Jagen understood now. The feeling of some who have seen war at its worst and wonder if there will ever come a day without such struggle. It is for those who have kind hearts and have seen the worst of the world, and it is for them to wonder if despite all their works and deeds there will never be a day they and their children would not need fear war and death. It was a question he himself grappled with at times, but though the answer he found for himself was not one he found until he was ready to accept it.

“And what did you take away from all this, my Prince?”

“I’m.. I’m not sure really, I’m not sure what I was hoping to find or to think after everything.” There was another pause, and Marth’s eyes lingered on the Fire Emblem and Falchion. “The road to get here has been a long one indeed, father dead, mother dead, countless others fallen upon the sword of my foes and mine own alike.”

“I suppose I’m just thinking... will this really be the end of it all? Can there ever exist a lasting peace? I want to believe that somehow after this war so vast and terrible that we can lay down our swords, but can that truly ever be?”

A grim but firm countenance set itself upon the head of the Champion of Altea, and with tones more fatherly than knightly he spoke.

“If there is an end, I do not know if I will live to see it, I do not know if any of this generation shall see a day without war. It is for us and our descendants both however to try and build towards that day no matter how far away it must seem. The future that you speak of and dream of must be built with your own bravery and the bonds of yourself and others, even if none of you may see that glorious day.”

“Somehow I think I knew you would say that, and perhaps deep within myself I already knew the answer.” The prince said as he held the blade Falchion in his hands, “Perhaps what I was wondering in the end is, after we win, and I believe we shall prevail because I have faith in this army. How long before with blade must once again be used in anger with the fate of the world on the back of the one who wields it?”

“In how many lands will other rally around their own “Fire Emblems” with everything at stake? In the hands of how many unknown men and women will holy weapons be placed as they must charge into fire and death because no one else can?”

The answer was simple, concise, and it came without hesitation.

“I do not know.” The words echoed somehow in the tent, “I do not know, you do not know, we cannot know. Only the gods themselves will ever know the sufferings of all and the plight of those beyond our sight and knowledge. It is not however for us to fret over what we cannot control with our minds or know with our hearts. It remains only to us to do what we are able in the moment. In that way we work ever so harder to a day without war.”

The old knight began to feel the weight of age and tiredness upon him suddenly, as was becoming the case more and more as the years dragged on. He was not so young as he once was, but perhaps age had given him wisdom even as it sapped strength from his body. The prince’s eyes once again turned to the old paladin’s and rather than speaking like a prince or a king he spoke like a boy once more, a young man forced to grow older before his time.

“Thank you Jagen, for listening to my inane ramblings of nothings while their are much greater things at stake that you and I should prepare for.”

“No, they are not nothings my prince, and do not think of them as such. Keep those questions in your heart, even knowing the answer know that you must do your part every day, as other do, and as I will until the end of my years.”

“I shall take that into my mind and keep it there till the end of my days Sir Jagen.” The prince turned back to the book once more, “I think I should like to be alone for a little while once more.”

“As you command, your grace.” Jagen responded ever dutifully as he moved to step out of the tent.

Before he left one last bit of word’s left the prince’s mouth as the knight moved the blue tent flaps.

“Jagen,” He said, “Thank you, for everything.”

Another rare smile cross the normally stern old man’s face.

“You are most welcome, Prince Marth.” With that he turned to the rest of the camp to begin his own preparations for the final battle.

With a loud and triumphant voice the bard spoke the last line with a flourish and a sigh. The final part of this little side story to one of her larger epics completed at the end of a long storytelling session. There was a great roar of applause from the crowd as the redheaded bard stood from her stool and bowed before the audience. In particular the children in the front of the crowd seemed particularly enthused by the whole thing, many of them begging for more or for another retelling of a previous story and song. Some clamored for the oldest of the bard’s thirteen ballards, others for those she had only recently begun to sing across the lands, and there were always those who begged for the bard to tell her their favorite story as loudly as they could even if others tried to shout them down or deride their choices. The bard smiled sweetly at them all, for all their arguing wasn’t born of hatred for others but pride in their own choices and their own loves. (It also didn’t hurt that they and their parents paid good coin.) Though for her part, there was another song he had yet to sing for crowds she had just learned from other bards across the ocean. She decided there was always time for another song, and looked through her books for the notes. Before she could begin singing though, one of the children dared to move in close and tugged at the bard’s cloak and looked up at her with beady eyes.

“Miss Anna,” The child said, “Did Prince Marth win?”

This must’ve been a child she had not performed for before, but that didn’t matter too much to her, it was always good to have new customers.

“Of course they did!” She said with a smile “We’re all here aren’t we?”

“Yeah, I guess so, but he didn’t get to see people stop hurting each other did he?”

“No, no he did not, but until the end of his days Prince Marth and those who came after him worked to see peace and prosperity come back to their lands. And most of the time, they ruled peacefully and happily till the ends of their days.”

The mood of the child’s face brightened a bit, bringing a smile to Anna’s face.

“Oh, okay, than I guess it’s still a good story...”

“Yeah, it is. Now, do you wanna hear another story?”

“More than anything!” The child decreeded loudly.

“Alright then,” The bard continued, “Now this story begins in the land of Hoshido....”

FIN

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”

― Frank Herbert

[Crazy Foxie]

This is a nice touch, and I love how the other storylines are intertwined in this. It definitely highlights the internal struggles that Marth had to deal with and Jagen being such a supportive figure highlights their long relationship. Nice stuff.

[Balcerzak]

Okay, this work definitely had a lot of effort put into it, and did a lot of really nice things; the previous poster has already alluded to one of them. However, it certainly could have used a lot of additional work, particularly in the editting and proofing departments. While by no means comprehensive, I'm gonna throw out some of the things that glared at me as I was going through this, and lessened my ability to enjoy the piece.

Format for my notes is:

Original line
Proposed fix

Reason why fix is needed.

The Earth Dragon had to be stopped now while there was still a chance, the threat Medeus posed was too great to simply try and contain him within his fortress.
The Earth Dragon had to be stopped now while there was still a chance; the threat Medeus posed was too great to simply try and contain him within his fortress.

This sentence needs to have a semi-colon, as it's joining two independent clauses. I suppose a comma splice isn't the worst offense imaginable, but try to avoid it when possible.

So preparations for a final assault on Doluna Keep to be undertaken upon the next morrow were underway.
A final assault on Doluna Keep was planned to be undertaken the next morrow, and preparations were already underway.

Read the original sentence a few times. It's quite clumsy in its construction, and it feels like it's almost written in the wrong order. IMO, the proposed fix is a lot smoother and contains the same essential material.

and it would probably not see it's like again for generations
                              its

Classic contraction it's vs possessive its mix-up. It happens to the best of us.

and a some among the group simply readied their weapons prepared to treat this as just another job or battle that needed doing.
and some among

An extra "a" snuck in there during one of your revisions, and didn't get noticed.

This task ahead of them was hard fought for by the struggles behind them,
This task ahead of them had been hard fought for by the struggles behind them,

Switching to the perfect helps the tenses and the order of events line up better here, imo.

However, no more could a feeling of worry and despondency be felt than in the largest of the army's tents. 
However, no greater feeling of worry or despondency could be felt than in the largest of the army's tents.

The original line was awkward and a little confusing. I had to keep reading a few more sentences before puzzling out the intent, and I feel my suggestion eliminates that problem.

Prince Marth of Altea, Lord and Leader of this might host of colorful characters.
                                               mighty host

Simple typo.

of what could be lost if evil was not vanquished and defeated from the lands.
                      if evil were not vanquished

Generally hypotheticals should use "were" rather than "was". IIRC this is referred to as the subjunctive, but I could be mixing up my terms by accident.

Resolve wasn't a thing he was lacking in, quite the contrary,
He wasn't lacking in resolve, quite the contrary,

The original is written in the passive voice, and awkwardly done on top of that. The fix is a switch to a more straightforward, more active voice sentence.

he knew what he had to do and how to do it, before him on the table was the legendary blade Falchion, and next to it was the symbol granted unto him of the Fire Emblem. 
                                          ;

Looked like another comma splice to me.

Rather than simply stand waiting for a response Jagen cleared his throat rather loudly,
either
Instead of just simply standing, waiting for a response, Jagen cleared his throat rather loudly,
or
Rather than simply stand waiting for a response Jagen cleared his throat fairly loudly,

The repeated rathers in close succession reads a bit awkwardly, to me at least, and I strive to avoid unnecessary repetition unless done deliberately for effect. So, even though the two 'rather's are used with different meanings behind them, I don't think it would be out of place to switch things up for some variety.

"Think nothing of it my lord."
"Think nothing of it, my lord."

When addressing someone, the name or title should be set off by a vocative comma. This mistake happens in a couple of other places throughout the work, but I'm not bringing them up again.

There was a heavy step to his voice, 
There was a heavy cast to his voice,

I've never heard 'step' used in that fashion before. Maybe it's just me...

"I was a young man on the run in Tayls before I read of just calamities as the Battle of Belhalla.
???

This was very confusing to me and I don't have a good fix. Is 'just' here referring to justice, or...?

Heh, when looked at in its entirely my own troubles seem very small indeed." 
                           entirety

typo

but the struggle against the Lopto is not ended in its entirety. 
but the struggle against the Lopto had not yet been brought to a full conclusion.

This line comes quite close on the heels of your previous use of "in its entirety", so I'd try to think of something conveying the same meaning, yet showing a diversity of language.

From what the book says there was times of great peace but almost as if it was routine, the continent was plunged into terrible war once again and again."
                        there were times of great peace, but--almost as if it on cue--the continent was plunged into terrible war once again and again."

Subject-verb agreement between 'times' and 'were' for the first bit, then I tried to fix some general flow confusion with commas and em dashes (which I represent with double hyphens here because the forum software has a tendency to eat real em dashes). Your choice of the word 'routine' kind of sat funny with me, but in all probability it was fine and I just got a little overzealous when I was already fixing a few things.

There perhaps lay the crux of the matter Jagen understood now. 
At last, Jagen thought he understood the crux of the problem.

The original sentence was an entirely awkward construction for me. You were doing that thing again where you were going in backwards, almost. If that is an intentional stylistic choice I do not agree.

The feeling of some who have seen war at its worst and wonder if there will ever come a day without such struggle. 
    feelings of someone who has seen war at its worst and wonders if

I just tried to clean this up and stay consistent.

It is for those who have kind hearts and have seen the worst of the world, and it is for them to wonder if despite all their works and deeds there will never be a day they and their children would not need fear war and death. 
It is a question for those

It felt like you forgot some words in there.

It was a question he himself grappled with at times, but though the answer he found for himself was not one he found until he was ready to accept it.
                                                   , and even so, he had been unable to find an answer for himself until he was ready to accept it.

The last half of the original sentence bordered on confusing, so I tried cleaning it up.

I want to believe that somehow after this war so vast and terrible that we can lay down our swords, but can that truly ever be?" 
either:
I want to believe that somehow after a war so vast and terrible that we can lay down our swords, but can that truly ever be?" 
or
I want to believe that somehow after this war, so vast and terrible, that we can lay down our swords, but can that truly ever be?"

Adding a little clarity.

In how many lands will other rally around their own "Fire Emblems" with everything at stake? 
                       others

Typo, presumably.

In that way we work ever so harder to a day without war."
                                   toward a day without war."

Personal preference here.

"Thank you Jagen, for listening to my inane ramblings of nothings while their are much greater things at stake that you and I should prepare for."
                                                                        there

Their/there/they're mistake. Happens to all of us, that's why you have proofreaders.

Keep those questions in your heart, even knowing the answer know that you must do your part every day, as other do, and as I will until the end of my years." 
                                                                                                       as others do,

Plural problem.

Before he left one last bit of word's left the prince's mouth as the knight moved the blue tent flaps.
Before he left, a final few words left the prince's mouth as the knight opened the blue tent flaps.

Plural problem and clarity.

The final part of this little side story to one of her larger epics completed at the end of a long storytelling session. 
The final part of this little side story to one of her larger epics marked the completion of a long storytelling session.

Personal preference for flow.

In particular the children in the front of the crowd seemed particularly enthused by the whole thing, 
In particular the children in the front of the crowd seemed especially enthused by the whole thing,

I'd avoid awkward repetition of 'particular's in close proximity to each other...

Though for her part, there was another song he had yet to sing for crowds she had just learned from other bards across the ocean. 
Though for her part, there was another song she had yet to sing for crowds that she had just learned from other bards across the ocean. 

Pronoun agreement/typo, and a little nudge for clarity.

"Oh, okay, than I guess it's still a good story..."
"Oh, okay, then I guess it's still a good story..."

Then vs than. One of my pet peeves.

Don't take the criticisms too harshly! You did a lot of good, but you have a lot of room for improvement, and I hope that maybe some of this will help you.

[SirRob]

Getting to this story after reading so many of the other entries was a real slog. I came into the story with the expectation of skimming through it and tossing it. But this really was an enjoyable read, so I'm glad I was able to look through it before the voting ends. Strong concept and theme.

Edited February 9, 2016 by SirRob