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DeathChaos25

I made some small changes to the Birthright Chapter 15 script...

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Very well done. I was moved by the setup for this chapter in Birthright, too. My story idea for it is quite different then yours, though. I definitely agree that this would have had a much larger impact in game, though. -_-;

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Nice set up, but I'm irritated by how contrived the fight is (game's fault, not yours).

I'll agree with this.

As for your text: noooooooo, Velouuuuuuuur!

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Nice set up, but I'm irritated by how contrived the fight is (game's fault, not yours).

I feel like this about the Kitsune map in Conquest as well. The shapeshifters were such cool ideas in this game that I can't help but be disappointed by the lack of any type of lore or story relevance. Keaton's recruitment is dumb as shit. Randomly gets lost in the opera house and joins you just because. At least Kaden has some explanation for showing up.

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Honestly shapeshifters feel like one of those ideas they've kept around since Tellius but haven't really bothered to integrate into the setting properly since. I am okay with them but they do feel like tacked-on fantasy racea with little meaningful interaction with the setting.

Regarding the rewrite, I certainly think replacing a generic with Keaton's daughter adds to the gravity of the scene and makes Keaton's rage more visceral, which is a good change. Although part of me is happier treating the kids in this game as non-canon as possible.

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I feel like this about the Kitsune map in Conquest as well. The shapeshifters were such cool ideas in this game that I can't help but be disappointed by the lack of any type of lore or story relevance. Keaton's recruitment is dumb as shit. Randomly gets lost in the opera house and joins you just because. At least Kaden has some explanation for showing up.

In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton.

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In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton.

I like it, it's simple but it makes a lot more sense.

Kaze's death in your version could be changed to Velouria surviving the boss fight and attacking Kamui, only for Kaze to block her attack and be fatally wounded if you don't have an A support. Better than exploding crystals. Honestly this could have been done with Keaton in the actual chapter.

Edited by Book Bro

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In the rewrite I'm doing of Conquest, you actually fight both the Wolfskin and the Kitsune but for different reasons. In Conquest, a strange sickness is driving the normally reclusive Wolfskin tribe feral and dangerous. Iago tasks you with wiping them out but Keaton asks your party for help in purging the sickness and saving Velouria, who has also fallen ill. Velouria is the boss of that map and Keaton joins you after saving her. In the Birthright version, you are too late to stop the sickness and, in her madness, Velouria killed Keaton.

Thank you for saving Velour.

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Thank you for saving Velour.

In my retelling, Velour is Flannel's fiance so you can't marry her. Sorry.

If you love her, set her free~

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In my retelling, Velour is Flannel's fiance so you can't marry her. Sorry.

If you love her, set her free~

I'm boycotting your story. Clearly, if you don't do everything in your power to appease your readers, then you have too much respect for yourself and your work, and I just can't stand that.

I say good day, sir!

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Question for the OP, how did you edit the dialogue like that? It looks pretty neat.

I'm boycotting your story. Clearly, if you don't do everything in your power to appease your readers, then you have too much respect for yourself and your work, and I just can't stand that.

I say good day, sir!

Wait! You can... sleep with your sister! Your DOUBLE sister! And, um, your mother? Do people like that?

Please come back...

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