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I don't know what to do


blah the Prussian
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I never thought nor wanted to be confronted with this situation, but here I am. One of my good friends recently became sick, and was gone from school for a week or so. When he came back, he was extremely erratic, and lashed out at basically all of us, but particularly my two best friends. Tonight, he called us after we had gone and seen a movie and threatened suicide. He also yelled at us and was crying. His parents apparently had already caught him attempting it once. Now, he has not replied to any of our texts in hours, and I don't know what to do, if I will make the situation worse, or anything really. If he does it I'll never forgive myself. He may have done it already.

Edit: So, much to my relief, he didn't do it. He's still very unstable, though.

Edited by blah the Prussian
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Glad he was ok and didn't harm himself. What I would've done, even though I might not be forgiven, was call the police. Don't ever be afraid to call the police if it means saving someone's life. If he went to the hospital, wait until he checks out, and then go get some beers (Drinking age in the Czech Republic is 12, last I checked, even if you are pretty young to be doing it by international standards).

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Don't call the police. That will go on his permanent record. It is probably already embarrassing enough that his parents caught him. You'll ruin his future...and he will be labeled for the rest of his life as someone with mental issues...don't fuck his life up by doing this.

The last thing an unstable person needs is drugs or alcohol...

I do not know what kind of friend you are or the kind of things that you talk about together...but all I know is that when people are suicidal, it is because they feel like they are alone in facing a problem too big for themselves...so they want to give up and die.

If you love him (as a friend) be a positive force in his life. Tell him things that will empower both of you, like why he matters to you and why you are friends. Tell him that he is not alone in facing his problems. Make him feel safe and give him a reason to trust and confide in you. Just be patient and sit through his erratic moments...be patient while he vents in strange, macabre or passionate ways. He is probably very emotional.

Just be there for him, you do not have to say much or try to explain anything...just tell him simply: I'm your friend, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to listen to your problems.

That's the best thing you can do for him and probably what he needs...someone he can trust.

Hopefully you're a good friend and you treat him right...sometimes "friends" like to push each other's buttons...but it can go too far. If you or your other friend is doing this...then stop.

P.S. A little prayer never hurt...you don't need to be part of a religion or read any books to speak with God...God might not answer back, but the act of prayer does strengthen one's will and gives him hope. He may even find the comfort he needs through prayer...if he does not get this comfort from his friends or family.

Edited by Shaman
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Don't call the police. That will go on his permanent record. It is probably already embarrassing enough that his parents caught him. You'll ruin his future...and he will be labeled for the rest of his life as someone with mental issues...don't fuck his life up by doing this.

The last thing an unstable person needs is drugs or alcohol...

I do not know what kind of friend you are or the kind of things that you talk about together...but all I know is that when people are suicidal, it is because they feel like they are alone in facing a problem too big for themselves...so they want to give up and die.

If you love him (as a friend) be a positive force in his life. Tell him things that will empower both of you, like why he matters to you and why you are friends. Tell him that he is not alone in facing his problems. Make him feel safe and give him a reason to trust and confide in you. Just be patient and sit through his erratic moments...be patient while he vents in strange, macabre or passionate ways. He is probably very emotional.

Just be there for him, you do not have to say much or try to explain anything...just tell him simply: I'm your friend, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to listen to your problems.

That's the best thing you can do for him and probably what he needs...someone he can trust.

Hopefully you're a good friend and you treat him right...sometimes "friends" like to push each other's buttons...but it can go too far. If you or your other friend is doing this...then stop.

P.S. A little prayer never hurt...you don't need to be part of a religion or read any books to speak with God...God might not answer back, but the act of prayer does strengthen one's will and gives him hope. He may even find the comfort he needs through prayer...if he does not get this comfort from his friends or family.

Safety is tantamount to well being, and being the police are meant to protect people, that means especially people who aren't in a good mental state. Yes, attempted suicide is a crime, but there is nary a DA that would prosecute a minor for it. Getting Law Enforcement involved increases his chances of getting the help he needs. As for the permanent record point, the only thing that would hinder him at all would be if he committed a crime, which isn't likely. And he may very well have issues, especially because of his illness. Remember the Caligula was a nice guy before he contracted something and went insane.

Unregulated drinking is bad, but if he were with blah, blah could watch him and intervene.

Unfortunately, I feel as though this problem stems from neurology or physicality rather than mental state. Positive reinforcement won't fix a chemical imbalance. I have people who love me and respect me, and quite a few friends, and even I at times contemplate death and suicide. I haven't tried, but that has more to do with my faith and the responsibilities I have to the people I love rather than the help I probably should seek. I talk to people, but that never helps me to identify the root of the problem.

The one thing I agree with you on, is that the faith needs to be kept. Don't think a preventable death is your fault if you had nothing to do with how they died. Blame and doubt are instruments of sin that drive good people away from the truth. Don't let them consume you.

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Glad he was ok and didn't harm himself. What I would've done, even though I might not be forgiven, was call the police. Don't ever be afraid to call the police if it means saving someone's life. If he went to the hospital, wait until he checks out, and then go get some beers (Drinking age in the Czech Republic is 12, last I checked, even if you are pretty young to be doing it by international standards).

The drinking age in the Czech Republic is 18. I don't think it's 12 anywhere. In any case, he has definitely been the one lashing out. He went on a huge rant on how my two other friends are a gay couple. We plan to try to work this out with the guidance counselor. Not alerting the authorities really seems like a dead end to me, as it's obvious things can't continue as they are.

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Don't call the police. That will go on his permanent record. It is probably already embarrassing enough that his parents caught him. You'll ruin his future...and he will be labeled for the rest of his life as someone with mental issues...don't fuck his life up by doing this.

I don't get it. A small blemish on his permanent record - that can probably be nullified by some sort of therapy anyway - is worth someone's life? My god your priorities are skewed.

I do not know what kind of friend you are or the kind of things that you talk about together...but all I know is that when people are suicidal, it is because they feel like they are alone in facing a problem too big for themselves...so they want to give up and die.

If you love him (as a friend) be a positive force in his life. Tell him things that will empower both of you, like why he matters to you and why you are friends. Tell him that he is not alone in facing his problems. Make him feel safe and give him a reason to trust and confide in you. Just be patient and sit through his erratic moments...be patient while he vents in strange, macabre or passionate ways. He is probably very emotional.

Just be there for him, you do not have to say much or try to explain anything...just tell him simply: I'm your friend, I'm here for you if you ever need someone to listen to your problems.

That's the best thing you can do for him and probably what he needs...someone he can trust.

Hopefully you're a good friend and you treat him right...sometimes "friends" like to push each other's buttons...but it can go too far. If you or your other friend is doing this...then stop.

P.S. A little prayer never hurt...you don't need to be part of a religion or read any books to speak with God...God might not answer back, but the act of prayer does strengthen one's will and gives him hope. He may even find the comfort he needs through prayer...if he does not get this comfort from his friends or family.

No offense but to someone who is unstable to the extent that they're contemplating suicide, this is a load of horseshit. They're not thinking "oh they told me they're my friend so I'll feel better," they're more than likely thinking oh fuck this world, this person is fake, and nothing is going to go right, the best option is to end it. Going up to someone and saying some shit like "I'm your friend, remember that, and don't kill yourself" by itself doesn't work. I've been through some horrifying depressive episodes and I don't know what in the hell i was looking for when I had friends console me, all I know is that regardless of the praises or people listening to me, I did not snap out of it. It was a slow thing and I had to get through it myself. This is not that simple. Hell many times I just had a switched flipped in my brain way out of my control that just put me in a good mood. I'm not going to pretend I even did anything for myself except live, but it's not a good place to be in.

Chemical imbalances are a good chunk of the issue. I know you don't believe in science and all but they are a real thing and if it were that simple then nobody would commit suicide. As it stands, I've had friends who had major demons commit suicide and I know for a fact that we all cared for him and many of us looked up to him. That's a deep part of my life gone. I know that in my case there are people who look up to me (not to sound vain) but it doesnt stop me from having complete breakdowns and at times thoughts like that. Let's not pretend that looking into god or our faith will help us. Let's not pretend that prayer will help us. I have prayed with my (blissfully unaware) family as well and sometimes tried to mean it despite being a very weak agnostic and none of that shit helps because people who are suicidal are not looking at prayer as anything more than a skin deep thing.

I'm not sure what kind of life you've had but none of this works for someone who is in an unstable state (not all the time). There is no sense of rationality. There is no easy fix for someone to calm down. Therapy works sometimes, not all the time. Ditto with meds. This is an issue that he has to be actively involved him - by getting him the right resources and seeing what works for him. Short of being some actual spiritual healer from some fantasy RPG there may not be much he can do other than making his parents ensure that he's not in range of something dangerous and getting him to go get help.

Depression and suicide are fucking shit and I really wish it were as easy as calling my friends and asking them if they think I'm one of their best friends still. No shit, they're going to say that and no shit they still are. That still doesn't prevent the emotional part of my brain taking over the rational part. And finding God is something I've tried but sure as hell didn't help me when I did. Please never act like this is some some simple shit that can be fixed by finding god; it doesn't work for everyone.

Edited by Lord Raven
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@blah the Prussian: Put yourself in his shoes...if you lost control for a moment, would you want someone to report you to the police for it and have to live with it? Would you want to have your chances with future employers ruined? Would you want to lose the option of joining something like the military, just because you have been labeled unstable and cannot be trusted in a high-pressure situation? All because this "caring" friend of yours decided to rat you out for your moment of weakness?

This caring friend decided to get caught up in the drama of what happened to you and make the situation about himself by telling the police and receiving a single moment's gratification and a pathetic pat on the back...


OH PLEASE, go hold the door open for a few old ladies...you poor-attention starved little baby.

This is what I have to say to all of those people who ruin others lives because they are deluded enough to think that they are doing the right thing.

If you can't handle your friend's drama and it is JUST TOO MUCH for you...then don't get involved! Stop communicating with them and let them decide if they want to tell the police or take pills or go to church...

...cripes...I hate people who feed off of other's drama and are actually sociopaths...people just need to be honest with themselves and then they can actually learn what it means to be a good person worthy of respect.

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I don't understand what gives you the nerve to post this stupid shit and ignore others. What the hell is your problem? Calling the police is not a sign of someone making a situation about themselves. It's the exact opposite. If they have a blemish on their personal record - which as far as I know will not affect employment that much when you get it when you're 15 and don't have much of a history after that - then it doesn't fucking matter. Besides, what you're saying to me is that he should prioritize his friend's chances of future employment over his friend's life. The reason he would call the police is because he has no fucking idea what's going on, which part of this do you not understand? Literally nothing about anything you post shows me you ever read anything, and you just come on here to bash us with your bible.

Have you actually thought about suicide? Or ever been depressed? Or has finding the lord and preaching him in the most bullshitty way possible taken all of that out of you and left you delusional?

And then you go and accuse the dude of being a sociopath because he's thinking about doing the rational thing and calling the police. What the fuck is your problem?

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Lord Raven is completely right, what the fuck IS your problem, Shaman? As someone who lost her brother to suicide just last year in August, I can tell you for sure that someone with depression and suicidal thoughts IS NOT an attention-starved baby. I can't believe you would even think about saying such a bullshit and hurtful thing.

Depression is a real illness and suicidal thoughts are a serious symptom of it. People with it shouldn't just be ignored and left to suffer, they should be helped by those who care, like blah the Prussian. He wants to try to save his friend, and if calling the police and risking putting a teensy little blemish on his record can save his life and help him live a better one, then that's what should be done. And besides, his record as a teen should be sealed automatically when he turns 18, so employers would never even see that teensy little blemish anyway.

Edited by Anacybele
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I'm not sure what the mental health care situation is like there in Prague, but in the US what I would do is try and find an inpatient mental health facility for your friend. If you can find a reputable place, set up transportation either directly or indirectly for him to stay until his condition at least becomes stable. If your friend refuses treatment and continues to act erratically and threaten suicide, that would be when I would contact the authorities because he is threatening the safety of himself and others.

There are other paths to helping out your friend, but there are a few reasons why I think an inpatient program would be the most helpful (again assuming if you can find a good one in your area). What it basically comes down to is it's the best place for your friend to get better while being safe to himself and to others, which seem to me to be the two most important things right now.

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@blah the Prussian: Put yourself in his shoes...if you lost control for a moment, would you want someone to report you to the police for it and have to live with it? Would you want to have your chances with future employers ruined? Would you want to lose the option of joining something like the military, just because you have been labeled unstable and cannot be trusted in a high-pressure situation? All because this "caring" friend of yours decided to rat you out for your moment of weakness?

This caring friend decided to get caught up in the drama of what happened to you and make the situation about himself by telling the police and receiving a single moment's gratification and a pathetic pat on the back...OH PLEASE, go hold the door open for a few old ladies...you poor-attention starved little baby.

This is what I have to say to all of those people who ruin others lives because they are deluded enough to think that they are doing the right thing.

If you can't handle your friend's drama and it is JUST TOO MUCH for you...then don't get involved! Stop communicating with them and let them decide if they want to tell the police or take pills or go to church...

...cripes...I hate people who feed off of other's drama and are actually sociopaths...people just need to be honest with themselves and then they can actually learn what it means to be a good person worthy of respect.

You know, it might just be exactly this attitude that leads to so many suicides in the first place. This blind distrust of authority is dangerous. And, if I was in his shoes, my judgements of the situation really would not be sound, now, would they? Please, stop posting here. I do not like being called a sociopath.
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A few things here...

1) At least in the US you are legally obligated to tell the police if you know beyond a reasonable doubt that someone is threatening suicide (aka they tell you, write a note, etc). I suspect this is similar in other countries as well.

2) No, no it will not "blemish" his personal record. I'll speak from personal experience I once was in a very bad place in my life and attempted suicide. Yeah I had to go to a inpatient place for a week and all but the bottom line is that no one aside from myself and those few close friends and family involved know about the incident I had. It has not effected my ability to get employed or anything. In fact health information is treated very confidential and employers are required by law to not ask about things like that (aside from Veteran disability status even then you can refuse to self identify). Ever hear of HIPPA? Even with the military there are medical waivers to get in granted that's kinda hard in the US right now only because of the draw down but I've had friends get medical waivers for a wide range of shit. And if he can't then there are still a wide range of things he can do with his life.

3) What's the alternative if someone you know threatens suicide? Not tell someone and god forbid have them actually die and have that hinging on your mind for the rest of your life? Not to mention the legal ramifications you would likely face as a result but that's besides the point.

4) Blah, glad to hear everything is ok. The best thing you can do right now is keep an eye on your friend hopefully he's not alone.

Edited by LordTaco42
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@blah the Prussian: Put yourself in his shoes...if you lost control for a moment, would you want someone to report you to the police for it and have to live with it? Would you want to have your chances with future employers ruined? Would you want to lose the option of joining something like the military, just because you have been labeled unstable and cannot be trusted in a high-pressure situation? All because this "caring" friend of yours decided to rat you out for your moment of weakness?

He can't do any of those things if he is dead, and reporting him to the police might be the wake-up call that he needs. We all have moments of weakness, but you act like nobody has ever gone through with it. I would call the police in this situation, and that may cause that person to hate me. But I would rather deal with that then the guilt that happens if he does end up taking his own life.

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Wow, mob mentality much? Calm down. I am entitled to my opinion, just as much as you are. Remember that the discussion is about Blah's friend...not me. I find it hilarious how some of you came in here just to bash on me.

Honestly, informing the police when his parents are already taking care of it is totally jumping the gun. You seem to have left out the part as to why he lashed out at you and your friend. Probably because you did something to make him really angry. I call it like I see it, the way it is being described: poisonous friendships with people who have personality disorders and get a kick out of making someone crazy.

I stand by my original point. Peace.

Edited by Shaman
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So now you're blaming blah for his friend's problems? Saying that blah did something wrong? Bullshit like this is why people are "bashing" you, you have no right to just assume things like that. You don't know every single detail of the situation, so you can't just go telling blah that it's his fault that his friend is doing this.

Sometimes people lash out for seemingly no reason, you know. There is often more to a situation than meets the eye when it comes to cases like this. Like I said, I know this from experience because I lost my brother to suicide. You have personally offended me and probably blah as well and you are better off not posting in here because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

Edited by Anacybele
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Wow, mob mentality much? Calm down. I am entitled to my opinion, just as much as you are. Remember that the discussion is about Blah's friend...not me. I find it hilarious how some of you came in here just to bash on me.

I didn't come in here just to bash on you, I came in here to see what blah was talking about, and your post made my blood boil enough that I had to say something.

I don't give a shit what opinion you have, and I don't care that everyone is entitled to their opinion. We all are. That doesn't mean an opinion cannot come from a legitimately harmful way of thinking, which is exactly what you were suggesting.

The OP also disapproved of your crappy suggestions, so please take that as a hint and don't play the victim here, because by responding in this way you have attempted to make it about yourself.

You also, instead of responding directly to all the points brought up - and there were 3 distinct set of points brought up (check out mine, blah, and tryhard's posts - they're all quite different, and one of them [mine] is significantly more abrasive than the others) responded to how you have your own opinion. Do you just post and expect that nobody challenges your generally extremely controversial opinions?

Honestly, informing the police when his parents are already taking care of it is totally jumping the gun. You seem to have left out the part as to why he lashed out at you and your friend. Probably because you did something to make him really angry. I call it like I see it, the way it is being described: poisonous friendships with people who have personality disorders and get a kick out of making someone crazy.

People lash out irrationally. Have you never been around someone who is irrational? I have flipped out on friends over literally nothing they've said or done. There is not always a cause and effect to mental issues. You're blaming blah for someone's chemical instability here.

And truth be told, I wouldn't be so fucking scathing if you didn't have a tendency to post similar bullshit in most serious threads. You're not calling anything as it is, you're projecting your religion onto the world in a way that is completely fucking stupid.

Edited by Lord Raven
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I wasn't going to post here, since I couldn't say anything that hadn't already been said but

Wow, mob mentality much? Calm down. I am entitled to my opinion, just as much as you are. Remember that the discussion is about Blah's friend...not me. I find it hilarious how some of you came in here just to bash on me.

You made a shitty post with terrible advice (you should call the police when someone is threating suicide and the like, it gets them the help they need, is rarely prosecuted, and if you don't and they end up killing themselves? You'll be blamed for their death), then proceeded to call the OP a sociopath and blame him for his friends problems when you have no fucking right to assume things like that, and you have the fucking gall to play the victim here.

Next time someone posts a thread like this, don't bother posting because you clearly have no idea what the fuck your talking about.

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I'm not sure what the mental health care situation is like there in Prague, but in the US what I would do is try and find an inpatient mental health facility for your friend. If you can find a reputable place, set up transportation either directly or indirectly for him to stay until his condition at least becomes stable. If your friend refuses treatment and continues to act erratically and threaten suicide, that would be when I would contact the authorities because he is threatening the safety of himself and others.

There are other paths to helping out your friend, but there are a few reasons why I think an inpatient program would be the most helpful (again assuming if you can find a good one in your area). What it basically comes down to is it's the best place for your friend to get better while being safe to himself and to others, which seem to me to be the two most important things right now.

Seconding this suggestion. I can't really say anything else that hasn't already been said other than my well wishes for your friend.

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I am entitled to my opinion,

no you're not. stop posting in this thread. thank you.

this is not a polite request.

EDIT: full disclosure, i don't even want you making more posts in this thread that you think are okay or on-topic. i do not want you posting in this thread again under any circumstance. thank you for understanding.

Edited by Integrity
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also have to agree with SRC. if someone can't contract for personal safety (e.g., has attempted suicide or thinks he may attempt suicide) then he should be admitted to an inpatient mental health facility until his mental condition is stable and then set up with a psychiatrist for future management. it's better if you can convince him to seek treatment willingly but if he doesn't then you don't have much option but to call the police to get him admitted.

Edited by dondon151
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Yeah, what SRC said. I forgot to state that you should only consider contacting the authorities after you've seen if they will go to find help willingly or not.

Edited by Tryhard
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While I agree that getting professional health care involved would be really good (involuntarily commitment is an option, if he's a serious danger to himself and/or others), will his parents be okay with it? I'm not sure how parental consent/the hospital system work outside of the US.

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just so we're absolutely clear, if at some point you believe he is a risk to himself or others, call the police or find someone who can. counseling and those other things are secondary.

you say you don't know what to do, and that's ok. following from your age and lack of expertise, you don't have to really do anything at all. if you see something, call someone who can handle the issue, because that's very helpful! if you think you need to be there as support, go right on ahead. but also keep in mind that you aren't obligated to do so.

A few things here...

1) At least in the US you are legally obligated to tell the police if you know beyond a reasonable doubt that someone is threatening suicide (aka they tell you, write a note, etc). I suspect this is similar in other countries as well.

only if you're an employee that requires as such. at least in california.

Edited by Phoenix Wright
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