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Jayvee94

Fire Emblem Blood of the Dragon Story Concept - Part 4: War of the Dragons

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I have been making a story concept in mind that I hope to pass to IntSys. However, it seems improbable so, for the first time, I'm sharing my incomplete story.

I'll be needing your help in polishing the story but I don't want it to be too far from the plot outline I've made. You can post your feedback here: http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showforum=35

So, here's the map description I suck at making maps:

Our first hero lives in a southern archipelago akin to South East Asia, and it is the trade capital of the continent.
The main land has at least four known nations, two of which are the archipelago's biggest trade partners: East of the Great Wall is a martial arts country named Juiyo inspired by East Asia (3 kingdoms China, warring states Japan, and Korea); West of the Great Wall is a romance and arts country named Gemran inspired by west Europe (Spain, Portugal, UK, Ireland, and France).
The religious center of the continent is Yeshuo inspired by the Mediterranean Countries, here lies the Temple of the Dragon King (while a temple is there, the real temple is the people).
[spoiler=The Fourth Nation] As for the other nation, they are at the back seat for now


The Dragon King is born a man and anointed as such



Part One (the Rose Guild)

The Prologue may start at the training section:
Sheena Jade Rosas
Daughter of Senator Kin and Chef Josephine

heiress to the Roseblade

. She is a very charitable salesperson and talented sword fighter. She wishes to establish trade networks in the continent for the benefit of the people.
Class: Apprentice

Well, she will be training with her father Kin Rosas (currently a very popular Senator)

current owner of the Roseblade



Watching from the sidelines:
Ghin Rosas
The hot blooded brother of Sheena, despite his efforts to train with swords he doesn't seem to handle it as good as throwing axes. He shows of the most often.
Class: Journeyman

Then followed by a scene in their mother's restaurant where Bandits attack.
Here joins:
during battle
Shmuel Habagat
A fresh graduate of law enforcement. His family is close to the Rosas. He speaks very little unless necessary.
class: Archer lv 10 (yes overleveled)

After battle (I haven't polished the story yet)
Anika Amihan
A mage from a family of apothecaries. She is usually snarky and mean but is surprisingly sweet to her good friends.
Class: (Wind) Mage

Genny Bianca
Best friend of Sheena. A novice preacher. She is exceptionally knowledgeable of the Scriptures and seems to know better than present priests.
Class: Cleric/Deaconess

Andy Narra
A shy inventor from a family of blacksmiths. He keeps a book of drawings of his designs for future inventions.
Class: a unique crossbow class

And they formed the Rose Merchants and set off to an adventure.

Why?

Well, Sheena's mother, Chef Josephine wanted to cook a rare dish she hasn't cooked in a long time. It requires a rare ingredient form an outlying island. Yeah, a silly plot device

I will update the story time after time.

Country names by Hylian Air Force


Edited by Jayvee94

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Wrong section, dude. I'm shuffling it over to Written Works.

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Well, um. Thanks.

In this part of the story, the Rose Merchants will ask around for the rare ingredient (I need your help to name a dish and it's rare ingredient). However, the villages they went are often attacked by bandits. Bandits, bandits everywhere.
As they help the villagers they come across two possible villagers to join them and I'll be needing your help to create their profile and backstory.
A lance-wielding river fisher

Pisce is a fisherman from Sylvan's village. Although he debates with the tax collector over his goods, he doesn't hate him, if only because he isn't greedy.
Class: Villager (lance)
Pisce recruitment convo:
Sheena: Excuse me, Sir. This place is a battlefield right now. You should take cover in your village.
Pisce: Uhm, excuse me, miss. Who are you?
Sheena: I'm Sheena Jade Rosas, leader of the Rose Merchants.
Pisce: Ha! Rosas? You're the daughter of the famous Chef Josephine? Merchants shouldn't be on the battlefield. Why don't you go back to the kitchen with your mama?
Sheena: Hey listen, young man! I have subdued around a two scores of bandits and protected half a dozen of villages. I might even saved YOUR mama. So, show some respect!
Pisce: Oh, good for you! And how was it?!
Sheena: Uhg. I got no time for this. Looks like you can fight.
Pisce: Of course I am, thank you very much.
Sheena: Fine. I'll let you fight. But, stay close to us okay. Dead men don't bring any fish back home.
Pisce: ....
They're not mercenaries. Are they?
credit: Hylian Air Force and me

or An axe-wielding woodchuck.

A woodsman named Sylvan returns from collecting firewood, carrying an axe and wearing a helmet likened to that of a giant beaver.

Class: Villager (axe)

credit: Hylian Air Force

Now, we will just come with a plot for the merchants to take down the leader of the notorious Bandit group.

Amatar Freeblades- The sons of nobles who are among the last in line for their thrones. Often attack commercial cities or other nobles on the road.

credit: Hylian Air Force


BTW, you can recruit two people from the bandit group. They are twins: one thief and one myrmidon.

Sham, son of Shir is known for infiltrating and pilfering from the less scrupulous lords of Gemran. Though good natured, his habits have forced him to ally with the Amatar Freeblades in order to avoid being executed extrajudicially, for his habits could not be exposed to a magistrate without his victims admitting their own unforgivable sins.

Class: Thief

Scim of house Itar is an accomplished swordsman, trained by one of the best bladesman in Juiyo. He has won many official duels, and perhaps far more unofficial ones, which led him to challenge Amatar himself. Amatar fought Scim to a stalemate, and was accepted into the Freeblades, and although no reasonable magistrate would order his arrest for fear of the safety of the constables, he doesn't enjoy watching the Freeblades accost random nobles and tax collectors.

Class: Mymidon
Credit: Hylian Air Force


Then the Rose Merchants are recognized for their bravery and awarded a medal of honor by their nation's leader.

Afterward, they are offered a few contracts. Signing any of them will turn them ...

into mercenaries

Hylian Air Force has provided me profiles in this link:
http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=63005

Edited by Jayvee94

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Wrong section, dude. I'm shuffling it over to Written Works.

Well, btw, I want people to participate in polishing the story. Would you recommend this to be on Feedback or on the main Written Works thread?

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Make a separate thread in Feedback, and link back to this thread.

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Thanks again, eclipse

Paralogues

Before we proceed with the continuation of the story of the Rose Merchants, now Rose Mercenaries, we take a peek at the happenings in two of the biggest trading partners of the Archipelago.

The Asian inspired nation will take a story of a young man named Long

Long

A brilliant martial arts student who aspires to become a master himself

Class: Brawler (although they can fight with clubs, they can fight unarmed and they will have skills to make them on par with armed enemies)

He's accompanied by his buddy:

Cheng

A resourceful buddy of Long. Anything is his weapon, even ladders.

Class: Spear Fighter

I want the Eastern nation sidequest to have a plot similar to Fists of Fury

The European inspired nation will take a story of a bored mischievous princess Cello

Cello

Princess of Gemran looking for an adventure outside the castle

Class: Princess (this princess can wield a Sword (ie Rapier) and (Thunder) tomes)

Jim Fisher

a stern Red Knight of Gemran, retainer of Cello

Class: Cavalier (favors swords)

Jean Fisher

a gentle Green Knight of Gemran, retainer of Cello

Class: Cavalier (favors lances)

I want the story to revolve around the princess sneaking out of the palace (attacking the guards in the process) with her retainers trailing behind her. She ended up in a village where the people are being oppressed by a local Parish through indulgences and threats of excommunication.

Part Two: the First Contract

A few months after the Rose Merchants received letters from the kingdoms Gemran and Juiyo.

Oddly, she also received an invitation to a banquet from an unknown person.

this is actually from the Dragon King himself about to give them a mission to find all legendary weapons to prepare for something

Sheena finds it odd to see the invitation along with two urgent letters. The two biggest trade partners of the Trade Archipelago is at war with each other. This is rather shocking to her. This is also bad for her country as the war will also hurt their economy.

The President and majority of the Senate (including Kin Rosas) decided to stay neutral while the minority wishes to pick a side which creates problems later

In order get into the bottom of the cause of the war, Rose Merchants must pick a contract. Will it be for Gemran or for Juiyo?

Both countries has their own heros and villians. Despite the Rulers of the respective countries wishes against the war, the other nobles pressured them into declaring war against each other. Gemran ha corrupt and racist Bishops. Juiyo has Cao Cao-like and Nobunaga-like warlords. I need your help in creating a good story, backstory and characters in each path

Characters joining:

Gemran

Liberty

Class: Cavalier/Sword Knight

The only child of Guerrero. She is one of the village defenders of her village alongside her father. She has very theatrical introductions (i.e. Super Sentai or maybe Enzo and Cass). Her horse is Tiamat.

Guerrero

Class: Blacksmith

He is the father of Liberty and also one of the defenders of their village. He is the local blacksmith. He has a very distinct laugh.

Vadear

Class: Mercenary

Oh yeah. You're reading my profile. I might be a red unit right now but if you talk to me with your boss, I will join you. I will wear blue as a bonus. Do you think I am getting good level ups lately? I hope I don't get RNG screwed.

Juiyo

Madoka

Class: Thief or Ninja? help pls

She is a street magician who earns an honest living. She amazes her audience with her swift hands. Best at misdirection.

Cheonjae Han

Class: Spear Fighter

He is the mind of the Builder Brothers. He does much of the talking

Joyong Han

Class: Oni Savage

He is the hand of the Builder Brothers. He talks very little

Mao

Class: Cat

The Pet cat of the Builder Brothers. He is secretly a sentient shapeshifter (a laguz).

Edited by Jayvee94

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this looks pretty interesting.

Thanks. Do you know any story writers around who could help me?

Well, since I'm not an expert in story writing, I'll write an outline

  • The Rose Mercenaries decides to sign one of the contracts and sets sail to that country (either Gemran or Juiyo). Despite starting to work as mercenaries, they still carry their merchandize. Sheena and Genny are looking forward to meet the villagers they are going to help. Well, on the way to their destination, they are attacked by Pirates.
  • Upon arriving to the docks, they are met by their contractors (of the nation they sided with) and they are told of their first mission: to defend a fort near the border. (Well, what would the Rose Mercenaries do to learn of the cause of the war and how to stop it?)
  • Due to being mercenaries and being a charitable organization, they earn the respect of not only the citizens of the country they sided with but also their allies. This leads to ragtag bunch of characters joining the mercenary group. These include grateful villagers, smaller mercenary groups and some merchants (because The Rose Mercenaries still work as Merchants). Some soldiers who work with the mercenaries consider joining them after being relieved of duty.
  • Sheena asks their contractors a question why the country they sided with declared war in the first place. Their contractors tell her, it is necessary. She is not convinced. Whatever the answer is, although war seems to be a reasonable solution, she believes it is not the best way.
  • Each ruler would award the Rose Mercenaries their nation's legendary weapons. One at a time.
  • As the contract is close to being expired, the Rose Mercenaries find a lead to who is instigating a war. They will have a clue to who is the instigator in the nation opposite of who they sided with.
  • After the contract expires, Senator Kin Rosas and a few of his bodyguards joined his children in the investigation which leads them to a seemingly uninhabited building. As they learn that there are instigators in both sides of the conflict, they are ambushed.
  • They are mercenaries in black hired by an unknown contractor. One of them is [spoiler=Big One] a student of Kin Rosas who is eager to fight the latter. I need profile and backstory of this one. The Student seems to blame him for the death of his mother. He insists on explaining that he was saving his student from a foolish death.

    There are only three people in the room: Kin, Sheena and the black cloaked swordsman (class: Hero). Everyone else is outside fighting the rest of the mercenaries. Kin insists that this is his fight. Sheena refuses to stay back and fought by his side.

  • EPIC BATTLE ENSUES. Then this sequence happens.
  • The army outside the room Routed the mercenaries in black and the army started searching for Sheena and Kin.
  • the swordsman disarmed Sheena, her sword is beyond her arms' reach. Sheena reached for her sword.
  • Kin steps in to continue the fight. As the swordsman gained the upper hand, an arrow struck him from out of nowhere. Kin took this opportunity to knock the sword out of the hands of the swordsman. Kin asks them to surrender.
  • The swordsman pulls a knife and stabs him at the stomach. (He's bleeding but fortunately misses the organs). Sheena lets out a big NOOOOOOOOOO.
  • Another arrow flies out of nowhere but this time it misses his target.
  • [spoiler=Where are the arrows coming from?] The arrows actually comes from Rex. He's secretly a prince of the two currently warring countries who's thought to have been dead. He's looking for vengeance for the death of his parents. credit: Hylian Air Force

  • At that exact moment the rest of her allies entered the room. Sheena stares at his father terrified. [credits to Hylian Air Force] The swordsman escapes as he saw the reinforcements (of course s/he i couldn't decide on the gender yet gets chased). and you know what happens next.
  • Part Two: The First Contract (Third Route)
    • Sheena went to the Banquet to find an old yet healthy looking man in Earthly colored robes and a long staff. They are invited to sit by the table. It is quite festive. The meals include lamb chops, flatbread and freshly squeezed red grape juice. It looks quite symbolic to my religion to be honest
    • The old man mentions of a prophesied great war bigger that the current one that a beautiful white dragon who calls himself God will conquer most of the land and reign with terror. Only the warriors chosen by the Dragon King himself using the divine weapons they've gathered can defeat him.
    • The old man reveals himself to be The Dragon King.
    • Genny who is most knowledgeable to the Scriptures convinces Sheena to accept the mission.
    • The Rose Mercenaries sets off to find the Divine Weapons.
    • Both countries will suspect the Rose Mercenaries on why they need the weapons.
    • Using the negotiation skills of Sheena, she convinces that they doesn't have to take the weapons themselves but have someone whom they trust with the weapon to help them.
    • Using the same skills, she will at least try to talk both sides into a ceasefire as to minimize the damage to the common people on both sides. Also, as to not be left vulnerable to a greater war which is coming. Geez, the Rose Mercenaries are becoming prophets here.
    • And then the same things will happen here: from finding hints on who instigated the war to the battle with the Black-Cloaked Swordsman. The difference will be, the Dragon King will accompany them.
Edited by Jayvee94

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well... your talking to one. I've done a few un published written works, which a lot of people enjoy reading. I can help.

One thing, the outline has a lot of semi colons at the end, i'd work on cutting those to where they are needed.

Edited by KentaEzren

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Constructive Criticism: I would have the apprentice lose the fight, pull a knife, and have Kin sustain a crippling injury, rather that a mortal one. Kin passes out from blood loss, and is taken home, but Sheena implies that he is going to die, and sets out on the path of revenge.

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I actually like that! So here's what's going to happen:

Genny Bianca will take the role of Lucius to Sheena's Raven.

Both Kin and Genny would tell Sheena that Revenge is not true justice. Sometimes, the kindest mercy will dissuade the criminal to repeat the crime.

Spoiler (Third Route Spoilers)

Well, Part 3 is coming up. I need a good bridge to make it to the next "story flag" or something.

Part 3: *needs good title*

once again the outline:

  • Despite of the trauma that happened. Sheena and the Rose Mercenaries continued their work for charity.
  • A new leader emerged from the fourth nation which I'll need a name. How about Drachenstein? He's a charismatic, nationalistic, manakete-hating Wyvern Lord. Oh, he has german accent.
  • He launched a conquest campaign to the previously war-torn countries as vengeance for the war his country previously lost.
  • This massacre of dragons and beasts does not sit well with the Temple of the Dragon King. They hired the Rose Mercenaries to defend them and both the war-torn countries. Sheena is noticeably more grim and aggressive in contrast to her previously energetic yet merciful attitude. Genny is not happy to see this.Yeah, Genny kinda becomes more important later in game.
  • At this point, Sheena and Ghin's mother Chef Josephine (class: master chef) joins them.
    Her class is in this link: http://serenesforest...1
  • Both countries organise their own elite soldiers as their generals. Gemran will have the Four Horsemen (which is literally just four mounted high-ranking soldiers each having a favorite weapon, and the lance weilding horseman is a female half-dragon and can hear the voice of the gods). Juiyo will have, I have honestly no idea what to name their elite soldiers
  • The black-cloaked swordsman will appear at the side of the enemy. Man I need a name, profile and backstory for this guy. I am tempted to name him/her Anakin. And I will be needing a great setting for this emotional duel.

    Sheena will initially have two options: Execute him or Leave him. He'll survive if you leave him. The third route however will have an additional option: Help him get up. Sheena will tell him/her what she learned that Vengeance is not True Justice. Moved by this gesture the swordsman will join her later in Part 4

  • There will be hints of something more sinister behind the great war.

    although the enemy leader himself is not fully aware of it.

  • The Bigger Bad turns out to be a Beautiful and Egotistical White Dragon who destroys who refuses to worship him. Yeah, he's basically Lucifer

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Part 4: War of the Dragons

  • A beautiful White Dragon emerged at the end of the war and promises restoration of the war torn lands. Most people are fooled by this. People with wisdom, and the members of the Temple

    and the allies of the Dragon King

    do not buy this.

  • Later, the true nature of the White Dragon becomes evident. He ordered his followers to execute everyone who refuses to worship him as their god. The cowards are ruled with fear. The brave took their chances to flee. Unfortunately for some of them, they got caught.
  • Most of the continent has fallen under the White Dragon's control. The only places that doesn't are Yeshuo and the Trade Archipelago.
  • An old man emerged with a handful of his mages.

    If you took the third route, he's been with you since part 2

    The old man is the Dragon King [class: Dragon King, weapons: Staff, Tome (light and dark), Dragonstone] and his mages are actually dragons representing each type magic in the game. These colorful dragons have a wide variety of personality reflecting the type of magic they represent, but they are all loyal to the Dragon King.

  • The Dragon King organized the "Dragon King's Army" not only composing of the Twelve chosen heroes, but also the Rose Mercenaries, the Temple of the Dragon, and the remnants of Gemran and Juiyo.
  • The Dragon King's Army faced a rather powerful enemies. They include: a super powered version of mortal classes, unique dragon classes (they have weapons instead of stones because they underestimate you), and finally VARIOUS F'ing DRAGONS.
  • various fill-in epic fights, where you can fill-in with Character Specific Paralogues of your favorite characters.
  • The Dragon King himself decides to fight as his army faces the White Dragon. The White Dragon uses his sinister sounding Light Spell while the Dragon King has two Tomes of similar stats but different effects, one Light and one Dark. This is where you also fight powerful dragons.
  • The White Dragon berates the Dragon King for not being born a dragon himself.
  • The White Dragon is defeated for the first time and then transform into a BEAUTIFUL YET SINISTER FEATHERY WHITE DRAGON WITH FANGS and lets out an INSULTING AND DISCOURAGING NOBLEWOMAN'S LAUGH.
  • The Dragon King's brings out his Dragonstone and transforms into A CRYSTAL DRAGON, because tropes and other reasons. Although he's powerful on his own, all his skills does not benefit him but HIS ALLIES. Making the army almost equally powerful. (i.e. +5 dmg, +50 avoid, +30 crit, etc.). Well only from a few spaces away.
  • well still thinking for an ending

The Temple's Three Schools of Magic

The Light of Charity

It is very well known for producing not only the best healers and light magic users but also physical classes that represents protection and justice, notably the Armor Knights, Soldiers and Cavaliers.

The Nature Defenders

It is dedicated to maintain natures balance to maximize its benefits to society. Not only they are composed of your anima wielding mages, they also have classes that work well with various terrain, notable Fighters, Hunters, and even Forest Knights

The Secluded Shadows

No. They are not evil. They are merely victims of the prejudices of society. This results into hiding themselves into society. They are the keepers of secrets no one else wants to talk about. Not only they are composed of Dark Mages, they also have stealth based classes like Outlaws, and Ninjas.

Edited by Jayvee94

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There is something I want to add to emphasise the Rose Mercenaries' occupation, additional game features:

  • Inn and Restaurant - You know the Mess Hall from Fire Emblem Fates. But in addition to that, this will be an attraction to mercenaries. At lowest level it will only attract the locals. Foreign dishes will probably not bring in money. At higher levels, it will start attracting mercenaries from the whole continent. You can meet a random mercenary

    or one of the chosen twelve.

    You can hire the mercenary to join you in about how many chapters you want him/her. There will be certain conditions to make them permanently join your army. [spoiler=example]Anna will appear in your inn in whatever route you take. You can hire you for "some" money for a few chapters. You need to earn enough money in your business for her to join permanently

  • Armory, Smithy and Shops - Like in Fates. In addition to the Smithy's forging mechanics, you can use a Recipe Card to boost one stat at the cost of another (ie. boosting Crit at the Cost of Hit, boosting Mt at the cost of follow-ups). Supports with your local blacksmith may award some key character an eponymous weapon (a weapon named after the recipient). [spoiler=example]Sheena receives her Axe Splitter in early chapters from Andy Narra

  • Prison - Mercenaries who are recruitable through the Inn in one route may need to be captured in another. Sheena herself is one of the characters capable of this. In fact her signature phrase is, "Aim for the weapon arm". I decided to give the capture ability to Shmuel instead as he is in a law enforcement student of sorts and he's designed to be overleveled.
Edited by Jayvee94

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Erm. . .shoot me a PM on what's broken, and what it's supposed to look like. I gotta get to bed.

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The Arch Dragons

These intelligent dragons appear as mages when they are first encountered. They are given a mission to mitigate the losses on the side they are assigned by the Dragon King.

Vesta, Fire Dragon - she is assigned to guide little Zhulong due to the latter's immaturity and inexperience.

Zhulong, Light Dragon - this little kid is idealistic and optimistic. He's an advocate for Word Peace. Despite his power, he fanboys over the charitable Rose Mercenaries.

Amatsu, Dark Dragon - due to people's the inherent fear of darkness. He decided to stay in Yeshuo, the place where people have equal reverence to light and dark. He was the fromer friend of the White Dragon. Unlike the latter, the former did not betray the Rainbow Dragon.

Odin, Thunder Dragon - he is sent to Gemran not only to mitigate its losses in the war but to also find its nation's Chosen.

Ninlil, Wind Dragon - he is sent to Juiyo not only to mitigate its losses in the war but to also find its nation's Chosen.

credits: KentaEzren and me

Edited by Jayvee94

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