Jump to content
bookofholsety

FE4 Translation Patch (Open Beta v7)

Recommended Posts

Alright Holsety, more feedback is coming soon. I was GOING to write a tangent about how you needed to drop the cockney accents from Gandolf and co. (they had really heavy cockney accents in his original script on dreamwidth)...

But it looks like you already did that. Cool! So, guess all I can do is ask: what would you think of Gandalf saying this?

Fire%20Emblem%20-%20Seisen%20no%20Keifu%

Instead of what he says now, which is this:

Fire%20Emblem%20-%20Seisen%20no%20Keifu%

IMO, "Grannvale worms" sounds a little too eloquent for a thug like Gandolf. The guy has a more crass feel to him in the original script, so I'm thinking lines like that should be replaced by something a little more irreverant. And besides, I thought it was funny :P .

G R A N D D A D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alrighty then, more feedback for you; sorry that this came out as such a mess when I first posted it. Serenes is EXTREMELY weird about how it auto-formats, so I'll try to be careful of that. Anyway, I'm liking a lot of the lines I'm seeing, but there's STILL that ever present problem of too many words being used. Seriously, I'm gonna hound you on this the entire way through :P.

Oh yes, and some of the lines here are a little too expositiony, so I took the liberty of rewriting some of them to sound more natural. Hope this helps!

Quan: Good, we aren't too late. I pray Sigurd is still unhurt.

Ethlin: Mm. I'm sure my brother’s doing just fine out here, but it won't be easy without a magic user in his ranks. I want to do all I can as a healer [like me] to help out and save lives...Quan, I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess as well...I know that Chalphy isn't my family anymore, now that we're married, but I couldn't just sit back and do nothing. Thank you so much for coming. Not just from me, but from Sigurd.

Quan: There's [N]o need to thank me, Ethlyn. Sigurd is every bit as important to me as he is to you, remember? He is my brother-in-law, after all...And I couldn't possibly leave you to fight all alone.

Ethlin: Thank you, dear...thank you so much.

Finn: Milord, milady, we should hurry. Lord Sigurd still awaits us on the battlefield just ahead.

DiMaggio: C,mon, you Grannvale cowards! Come at me! I'll crush the lot of you!

Azel: It looks like we made it in time, Lex.

Lex: Mm, and by the look of it, Sigurd's staring down the entire Verdane army with just a handful of men! Bet he'll be glad for the help! [Tch, the things you drag me into...] I can’t believe I let you drag me into yet another mess like this.

Azel: With the war in Isaach going on, [Well,] there's hardly anyone left to defend Grannvale; Sigurd's few knights are all [our nation has], and they're out here risking their lives on behalf of the entire country...I couldn't just leave them to die...

Lex: Heh…We both know there's more to it than that. Come on, Azel. What's the real reason we're here?

Azel: Er...I...I have no idea what you mean!

Lex: It's that Lady Aideen of Jungby, isn't it? Come on, everybody knows you like her. You just came for her sake, didn't you?

Azel: N-no! Of course not, you dolt!

Lex: Really? Then why's your face beet-red? Looks like somebody's got a giiiiiiirlfriend!

Azel: L-Lex, knock it off! Come on, we've wasted enough time.

Lex: Hahaha, got it. Time to teach these Verdanite thugs a lesson or two!

Quan: Sigurd! Glad to see you in one piece!

Sigurd: Quan? What are you-

Quan: We heard about the Verdane attack [invasion;] and couldn't just leave you be. [w]e're here to do what we can.

Sigurd: But what about Leonstar? Aren't your hands full there keeping an eye on Thracia?

Quan: Indeed. That's why Finn is the only knight here with me. The Lanzeritter are all [with] Father back at home, under Father's command.

Sigurd: Is that so...Quan, I'm sorry for pulling you into this mess, too...I know you're-

Quan: Sorry? Surely you jest, Sigurd! Don't you recall our old pledge?

Sigurd: Hm?

Quan: Come on now! How could you forget? Remember the academy? All those years ago, when we were students at the Belhalla academy? You, me, and Eldigan? Dear friends and fierce rivals in equal measure? Surely you recall [T]hat night [when we] talk[ed] late about our hopes and dreams, and pledg[ed] our aid to [to help] one another in times of need?

Sigurd: Ah, of course! I remember it well!

Quan: Excellent. Now, shall we? With both of us here, [W]hat hope could those Verdane savages possibly have [against the both of us]?

Azel: Lord Sigurd! I'm so relieved to see you're unharmed!

Sigurd: Azel? Azel of Velthomer? What are you doing [away from Velthomer] here?

Azel: I'm here with Lex. We want to help do whatever we can to fight the Verdane invasion[;] please, allow us to [help you] fight by your side. We won't let you down!

[is it me, or are the characters using the phrase “we want to do all we can” a lot? I'm guessing this is a literal translation of a Japanese stock phrase, so I'd be careful about using it too much].

Sigurd: Of course! I couldn't ask for better help. But what of your brother, Lord Arvis? Is [Lord Arivs] he alright with you helping out [that]?

Azel: No...he's been tasked with command of the Royal Guard. He made it clear that I wasn't supposed to leave Belhalla at all.

Sigurd: Did he, now? I can only imagine the scolding you'll be in for later!

[LOOOOOOLLL!!! Great one Holsety!]

Azel: I know this is a terrible thing to say, but to be honest, I'm terrified of Arvis...Sometimes, when I'm around him, I...I feel as if I'm only a nuisance to him.

Sigurd: Is that right...Well, whatever your reasons, I'm just glad that you're here, Azel. You're more than welcome to stay for as long as you want.

Azel: Thank you, sir!

(Sigurd leaves)

Azel: Wow, he’s just like all the rumors [they] say! He's nothing like Arvis...

Lex: It's been a while, huh, Lord Sigurd?

Sigurd: Lex! I take it you're here to help as well?

Lex: Yeah, Azel dragged me into it...I swear, I can't say no to that twerp!

Sigurd: Hahaha...you haven't changed a bit, have you, Lex? But what about your father, Lord Langalt? Does [Lord Langbalt] he know you've come [you're] here?

Lex: Oh, hell no! You know as well as I how much my father loathes yours. There's no way he'd ever let me help House Chalphy, even if his life depended on it[;] I had to slip out [go] behind his back. Just so we're clear, Sigurd, I'm not here for you[, Sigurd]. Azel's my best friend, and he really wanted me to [my] help. That's all.

Sigurd: Heh. A bit harsh, but thanks for coming all the same. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Lex: Well, I'll do what I can. Those Verdane dogs have had their run of our land long enough!

Ethlin: Sigurd! Oh, [Y]ou're unharmed!

Sigurd: It's great to see you too, Ethlyn. Thanks so much for coming.

Ethlin: I just couldn't stay away when I heard of Verdane's attack [the invasion]... It's such a relief to know [i'm glad] you're okay.

Sigurd: Oh, come now. Did you really think I was about to lose to Verdane?

Ethlin: I heard that Chalphy barely has any soldiers left behind, given that most of the army is away in Isaach. And, let's face it, I can't remember the last time you didn't just leap straight into a crisis without thinking [you NEVER think before you act]. With Father away at war...I knew I had to come. Someone had to save you from yourself, after all[!]

Sigurd: Heh heh. Wow, it['s like] feels as though I was getting this very lecture only yesterday! I swear, when Mother died, you were the one who kept everything together at home [when Mother died]. Once [And when] you went off

to marry Quan[?]

and [W]e swore that Father finally had a proper little lady for a daughter...But no, nothing's changed at all! I feel so sorry for Quan...Ahahaha!

Ethlin: Sigurd! I'm only what you and Father made me! If I'm a fusspot and a nag, it's squarely your fault!

[I love this line right here. Awesome.]

Sigurd: Heh, perhaps you're right. Listen, Ethlyn...We might not act like it most of the time, but everything you've done means the world to us. [Thank you so much for coming.] I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've always caused you...And thank you so much for coming.

Ethlin: Sigurd…

Oifaye: Sire, there’s a young knight collapsed over there!

Sigurd: Oh? ...That's[...!] Midir! Come on, [Hold on] Midir, hold on! What happened here?

Midir: Unhhh… You...Lord... Sigurd?

Sigurd: Are you all right, Midir? Where’s Aideen?!

Midir: I...don't know. But Gandolf...

Sigurd: Gandolf...that's all I need[ed] to hear. Midir, I'll do all I can to rescue her. You stay here and rest up.

Midir: I can't, sir! I've got to help! I can't stand staying here, knowing those thugs still have her!

Oifaye: Sire, we’ve completed our search of the castle. Lady Aideen is nowhere to be found.

Sigurd: Blast...where could she be?

Oifaye: She was most likely taken deeper into Verdane before we arrived...I hope she's alright.

Sigurd: Gah... I won't let them let them get away with this... They can run, but until they surrender Aideen, they won't escape me!

(Messengers from Barhara arrive)

Oifaye: Sire, an envoy from His Majesty is seeking an audience with you.

Filat: Lord Sigurd, your performance in this battle was outstanding. His Majesty was highly pleased, and has thus proclaimed your ordination as a paladin of this realm.

Sigurd: I hardly deserve such an honour, sir! I pledge my undying fealty to His Majesty.

Filat: From here, It is imperative that you hold Evans. We can ill afford to lose such a valuable defensive point to the enemy. [should our territory remain unscathed], you and your men shall be handsomely paid for your service. Best of luck, Lord Sigurd. Grannvale expects every man to do his duty. [All Grannvale's men are to do their duty, Lord Sigurd; may you succeed in yours.]

Village: Pay attention, kid! Weapons aren't created equal. See, swords best axes, axes best lances, and lances best swords. This here's why you've gotta use your head before you blunder into battle. Speaking of battle, [And] if you ever find yourself hurting out here, a chapel is the best place to go. It ain't free, mind. Every bit of health you regain there'll cost 5 gold pieces. But you can't put a price on your health.

Village: The lords of this land, House Chalphy, have [always] been revered as most magnificent swordsmen for generations. It's no wonder, being that they bear the bloodline of Baldur, the god of light of old. Those Verdane thugs are lucky that Lord Byron isn't around with his holy sword, Tyrfing. They wouldn't stand a chance [against his Tyrfing]!

[i found the whole "bloodline of Baldur, the god of light of old" bit to be fairly awkward, so that's why I omitted all that info. The game already TELLS us that Sigurd is descended from Baldur just by showing his dot on the wheel of Holy Blood. And Baldur was born like, what, 1000 years ago? I THINK most players can guess that Baldur was a fairly old guy.]

Villager: Jungby’s ruling family of master archers are descended from Ulir, the God of Archery. Duke Ring had himself twin daughters and a son. However, Lady Aideen’s twin was abducted by pirates as a youngster. The son, Sir Andrei, joined his father on the campaign to Isaac. You didn’t hear it from me, but there seems to be quite a bit of friction between the two.

Villager: Oh? You came to save us? I was so sure this was the end! Take this little trinket[;] t's the least I can do. They call it a Speed Ring. Slip this magic band on and you'll be as nimble [light] as a feather!. Go on, [t]ry her out! Your enemies'll be too slow to hit you!

Edited by FionordeQuester

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually, I don't think Azel and Lex should use "Lord Sigurd" when talking with Sigurd while Sigurd doesn't use "Lord Azel" or "Lord Lex", they are all 公子, meaning they are in the same rank, not that Sigurd is higher than Lex.

It's inconsistent and drop off Sigurd's respect toward them.

Edited by hanhnn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I've finally finished the game again, and the feeling you get when you actually get a proper ending and not just garble... I don't know how to describe it, but it's satisfying watching everything get better again. Good job on the translation: it definitely flows better. Names... ...honestly, who cares. Hopefully every remaining bug gets squashed by the release, but good job stomping out the arena bugs. You notice the better level ups!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually, I don't think Azel and Lex should use "Lord Sigurd" when talking with Sigurd while Sigurd doesn't use "Lord Azel" or "Lord Lex", they are all 公子, meaning they are in the same rank, not that Sigurd is higher than Lex.

It's inconsistent and drop off Sigurd's respect toward them.

so they shouldn't refer to each other by the honourific "lord" because.... they refer to each other by an honourific whose most common and efficient english translation is "lord". ok sure whatever

you see, fe4's script is extremely conscious of social class, and among the royal, noble and knightly members of its class this is heavily reflected in their speech and modes of address. they all refer to each other with the exact socially appropriate honourific given their standings relative to each other. yes, siggy, lex and azel are all of the same social rank, but that's kind of the point of their honourific addresses toward each other: they're all part of high society and there's a social expectation to refer to each other in respectful, honourific terms. the only times the honourifics come off are if they're really buddy-buddy with each other (e.g. sigurd with quan or eldigan, or azel with lex or taillte) or if they don't respect each other (e.g. chagall with literally everyone). omitting these honorifics would be tone-deaf and in defiance of this and indicate familarity and/or disrespect that's just not there at all. sure, it might fly in a game with a more cartoonish tone like fe13, where a knight punches her lord in the face and it's laughed off. i don't even mean that as a slight against fe13 for once; this is just an area in which fe4 is fundamentally different. it might not be important but it's still a useful part of how the game sets the tone of the relationships of its countries and kings

basically, the lord/lady honourifics are not going anywhere. they were in the jp script, so they are remaining here

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

[The important of tone]

Ah, bookofholsety! Good to see you! Speaking of tone, I have a very important one I want to make about Arvis. Now, the way you wrote him is fine...but whenever I look at the current script, I always think of what Amielleon said about him once. Remember? She said...

If I had to write Arvis myself I'd probably imagine the voice of this one Californian judge guy, who was probably the most unapologetically blunt and sexist judgmental person I've ever known. His speaking style was blunt in this educated but cutting way that sounds very close to how I intended to write him.

So looking at the current script you have, I never really got THAT kind of impression from him. I just got someone who seemed slightly distant and aloof. And I think that it's another one of those things that come down to active vs. passive tone of voice, as well as too many words being used. This here is his current conversation with Sigurd...

Arvis: It has been too long, Master Sigurd.

Sigurd: Lord Arvis?! Why are you- It has been too long, Master Sigurd.

Arvis: His Majesty is concerned with the crisis here, and he bade me to come and observe. He also entrusted me with this – a gift for you.

Sigurd: This is...a silver sword! A gift from his Majesty? Oh, what an honor! Lord Arvis, be sure to pass on my deepest gratitude for this onto the king!

Arvis: Very well. Incidentally, Sigurd, rumor has it that my brother, Azel, is among your forces. I presume this is true?

Sigurd: Mm, sorry about that. It sounded as if he came behind your back, but I couldn't turn him away. If at all possible, would you mind if he remained with me for a while longer?

Arvis: I see...well, as long as you keep him safe, then. He and I may have different mothers, but Azel is still my only brother. I'd prefer if he remained by my side, but perhaps this is how it must be...I'll entrust Azel to you, Sigurd. Be sure that he learns from this experience.

Sigurd: You can leave it to me, Lord Arvis. Once we're done here, I'll do what I can to convince him to go home.

Arvis: Good to hear it. Now, I must return to his Majesty's side in the capital. I'm entrusting this crisis to you, Sigurd.

So instead of writing it like that...I would write it more like this...

Arvis: Master Sigurd; it has been awhile.

Sigurd: Lord Arvis?! Why are you-

Arvis: His Majesty was concerned; he called for my supervision. He also entrusted me with this – a gift, for you.

Sigurd: This is...a silver sword! A gift from his Majesty? Oh, what an honor! Lord Arvis, be sure to pass on my deepest gratitude for this onto the king!

Arvis: Will do. Now, I hear that my brother has joined you. Is this true?

Sigurd: Mm, sorry about that. It sounded as if he came behind your back, but I couldn't turn him away. If at all possible, would you mind if he remained with me for a while longer?

Arvis: I see...so long as you keep him safe. He and I have different mothers, but Azel is still my brother. I would have him by my side; but if fate will not have it...then so be it. I entrust him to you, Sigurd. Be sure he learns from this.

Sigurd: You can leave it to me, Lord Arvis. Once we're done here, I'll do what I can to convince him to go home.

Arvis: Good. I shall return to his Majesty's side; this crisis rests on your shoulders, Sigurd.

Notice how clipped his responses are in my version; notice how there are almost no qualifiers like "Incidentally", or "rather", or "very", or anything like that. You can still tell that he is educated, but now you've got that blunt, cutting edge to his speaking style that Amielleon talked about. What do you think holsety?

Edited by FionordeQuester

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

basically, the lord/lady honourifics are not going anywhere. they were in the jp script, so they are remaining here

I'm sorry for didn't make thing clear. But are you sure about this?

post-1292-0-86608700-1471343562.pngpost-1292-0-68653100-1471343572.png

Didn't you rip it off from Sigurd's mouth in the first place?

That's why I'm saying this is inconsistency.

post-1292-0-86608700-1471343562_thumb.png

post-1292-0-68653100-1471343572_thumb.png

Edited by hanhnn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Didn't you rip it off from Sigurd's mouth in the first place?

That's why I'm saying this is inconsistency.

If I had to guess, bookofholsety wrote it that way due to the way Sigurd ends his next sentence. There's no final particle there or anything, he just asks Azel what he's doing here without adding anything like ですか at the end (which is what you would normally do when asking a question).

Perhaps this is holsety's way of emphasizing that bluntness? Not everything in Japanese translates very well into English, so by attacking "Lord" to Azel in that specific instance, it would have made Sigurd seem more polite than how he was supposed to come across there?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I plan to have this used for a stream so I just want to confirm: it is in fact playable from start to finish with minimal chance for explosions, right? can anyone testify to this? thanks lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The patch works fine, finish included. The only garble I found was the status of a dead unit when reviving them with Valkyrie, and the screen doesn't look like vomit. The only really annoying bugs is the fact that the item menu flashes when you scroll it too fast. I haven't have the game crash on me, including the Defence Sword event, so you should be good to go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The patch works fine, finish included. The only garble I found was the status of a dead unit when reviving them with Valkyrie, and the screen doesn't look like vomit. The only really annoying bugs is the fact that the item menu flashes when you scroll it too fast. I haven't have the game crash on me, including the Defence Sword event, so you should be good to go.

super reassuring to hear, thanks. and thanks to the creator for the hardwork, translatin'/hackin' ain't easy, not that I'd know

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The patch works fine, finish included. The only garble I found was the status of a dead unit when reviving them with Valkyrie, and the screen doesn't look like vomit. The only really annoying bugs is the fact that the item menu flashes when you scroll it too fast. I haven't have the game crash on me, including the Defence Sword event, so you should be good to go.

I have played through chapters 6-9 so far with no issues. I have also been having odd item menu behavior when I scroll, consisting of color changes and colored bands over the screen (what exactly happens varies heavily depending on game state), plus a narrow block bar flickering at the top of the screen (this always seems to appear). Everything except the black bar disappears when i turn off "transparency effects" in SNES9X (the emulater that i used to test this.) The Japanese version does not have any of these problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

By the way Bookofholsety; I sent you a PM request asking for your current transcript. It would be very convenient to have for proofreading purposes, so if you could give it to me, that would be wonderful!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

By the way, what do you all think of my suggestions? They're aimed at trimming the word count without actually affecting the quality of the script, or making the characters any less unique. Do you think I've succeeded at that so far, or have I trimmed too much from a few places?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SPzFyfS.png

Here Claude says that Reptor had the king killed. The king is Azmur, who is still alive, so this can't be true. I assume he's referring to Prince Kurth here, not King Azmur.

aioZMzA.png

I'll admit that this is a nitpick, but there is an improper declination here. It is "Queen Rahna bade me" and therefore it is also "Queen Rahna bade my corps and me", not "Queen Rahna bade my corps and I".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SPzFyfS.png

Here Claude says that Reptor had the king killed. The king is Azmur, who is still alive, so this can't be true. I assume he's referring to Prince Kurth here, not King Azmur.

Isn't Claude talking about the king of Isaach there, who is dead at that point?

Edited by Dingledoop

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just started playing, and I noticed a couple of grammatical errors right off the bat.

[spoiler=Issue 1]The intro begins with the line "In an age beyond living memory, a devil's shade cast across our land, plunging it into the deepest darkness, and condemning us to grief without end." This is a sentence fragment, as it does not have a predicate. It's correct if you're using "cast" as a verb, but that's improper usage. I think "was cast" would be more appropriate.

[spoiler=screenshots]Screenshot_2016-08-24-17-20-29~01.pngScreenshot_2016-08-24-17-20-34~01.pngScreenshot_2016-08-24-17-20-41~01.pngScreenshot_2016-08-24-17-20-50~01.png

[spoiler=issue 2]From the first map screen: "Only Father Claude of House Edda, could foresee the oncoming storm." That comma is unnecessary. Alternatively, you could add a second comma after "Claude."

[spoiler=screenshot]Screenshot_2016-08-24-17-24-09~01.png

[spoiler=issue 3]Also from the first map screen: "Into the midst of this tense situation, comes dire news from Jugdral's east." That comma is unnecessary.

[spoiler=screenshot]Screenshot_2016-08-24-17-24-17~01.png

[spoiler=issue 4]End of the first map screen: "And thus the threshold of fate is cast open." You really shouldn't begin a sentence with "and." Also, this is EXTREMELY nitpicky, but technically you don't cast open a threshold. :P

[spoiler=screenshot]Screenshot_2016-08-24-17-26-39~01.png

One last thing--the semicolons in the Jugdral chronology often look like commas. This isn't a big deal, since the semicolons are used properly, but you might want to consider replacing them with periods.

Other than that, the translation is great! I love the new style the dialogue is written in. Thanks for giving this game a full patch.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The patch works fine, finish included. The only garble I found was the status of a dead unit when reviving them with Valkyrie, and the screen doesn't look like vomit. The only really annoying bugs is the fact that the item menu flashes when you scroll it too fast. I haven't have the game crash on me, including the Defence Sword event, so you should be good to go.

I have played through chapters 6-9 so far with no issues. I have also been having odd item menu behavior when I scroll, consisting of color changes and colored bands over the screen (what exactly happens varies heavily depending on game state), plus a narrow block bar flickering at the top of the screen (this always seems to appear). Everything except the black bar disappears when i turn off "transparency effects" in SNES9X (the emulater that i used to test this.) The Japanese version does not have any of these problems.

The "Deceased" status should be fixed for viewing dead units. And the flickering colors and black bar are a side effect of the DMA transferring that happens when trying to display new text on the screen. I plan to fix the Item and Unit menu by slowing/limiting button input until all text has been drawn, and I can try to fix the black bar on the map by economizing/minimizing the menu options.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@DDS: I think someone reported in this thread that their Dew can't restore HP when defending the castle or standing in the church, you should check it out.

Are they using the latest patch? The HP affecting code was completely taken out after it was breaking everything. But it was doing other things like keeping units from healing, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...