screenshot Matthewtheman Plays GhebSaga(Yes, GhebFE has a sequel)

[Katie]

So, I need a break from FE6 HM's stupid bullshit(fuck you copypaste trollreinforcements), so I decided to do another LP in the interim. However, because I am not a smart man, I chose GhebSaga, a hack full of stupid bullshit. GhebSaga is an FE7 hack and the sequel to the infamous GhebFE. I would have started with the first one, but Moniker already has a perfectly good LP of it, and I'd rather do something no one else has done before. Know that there are a lot of text skips in this hack, and I tried to extract the script using FEditor, but I couldn't for whatever reason, so I may not be able to transcribe all the text unfortunately. I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely as I did play up to Test 4 before I ragequitted due to Bronze dying, and I have seen MarkyJoe1990's review series on this hack, but it only covers Tests 8, 9, 14, and 18. I don't care if you guys spoil things for me, I'm not one of those "NO SPOILERZ PLZ OMG!" people. In fact, there are a few things I want spoiled for me ahead of time:

Is Marisa in this hack?

Who replaces Wallace and Geitz? I need to know in case I end up over or under leveling my lords and I get the character I don't want.

Who replaces Karel and Harken? I could likely easily find this out myself, but I'd still like to know ahead of time.

Due note that this hack is not complete, and it only goes up to Test 29, which apparently isn't finished yet. I have no idea if it's playable beyond that, but if it is, I'll totally do it. I'll maybe even try and see how playable "Hector Mode" is.

Now let's go ahead and get into...

Test 1 Part 1: Aitos must really like Portal

Oh good, now I know who to complain to.

I'll give Aitos some credit where credit is due, he did a lot of impressive hacking for the time period this hack was made in. Like this custom title screen for instance. It's not a very good custom title screen, but I'm pretty sure just replacing the title screen was an impressive hacking feat back in 2009-2010 when this hack was made. I wonder if he edited the class roll too...

Nope, not really! I fucking wish Batta had base 9 speed... What the hell is up with that background tho?

AH MY EYES! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT PALETTE? WHAT DID YOU DO, AITOS?

DON'T STARE AT ME SO CONDESCENDLINGLY, GHEB!

Btw, anyone else think Gheb looks kind of like Bubble Bass, or is it just me?

Btw, this hack is basically supposed to be like an experiment or something, with the chapters being called "tests". I wonder what to call myself, I'm definitely not doing "Gheb"...

I think I'll pick something stupid and immature, like this hack...

Aren't I so funny gaiz? For some reason, when I look at the info for birth month and gender, I'm referred to as Test Subject, but when I look at it for name, it says Tactician like vanilla. I think Aitos failed a spot check.

What the fuck is up with that hideous background, Aitos?

MFV: Hello, and again welcome, as you can see, this is not where you last, or first...

The transcribed text at above the screenshot was a massive text skip. I managed to catch it. I suppose it helps that I do these posts as I play, rather than playing and screenshotting ahead of time and then making the post. MFV stands for mysterious female voice, whom we'll be hearing from a lot in this game. I believe she's based on GLaDOS from Portal, though I've never played Portal so I'm not entirely sure.

MFV: You probably just heard me(no, there's no punctuation here) As you know,

Actually, I didn't know you are everywhere. Don't be so presumptuous, MFV.

MFV: And that means anywhere. In layman's terms,

I don't think I like where this is going...

So you're the Ceiling Cat of taking a dump?

MFV: That's how omnipresent I am. I will admit that I'm not omniscient. So no, I do not know it all. But I do know this:

Amen, sister! I think I'm starting to like her.

MFV: He's a mockery,

I dunno, I can think of several words to define Gheb. Fat, ugly, rapist, pedophile, misogynist, etc.

MFV: I mean what kind of corrupt mind would even think of something like Gheb, let alone make a

Some Puerto Rican furry named Aitos, apparently.

MFV: It is, in all aspects, undignifying, insulting, unbelievable

I don't think we're meant to agree with MFV, but I think she just summed up GhebFE rather well, wouldn't you say?

MFV: ...

I don't really see why I should, this is far from the only time swears are used in this hack.

MFV: I thought the only way to deal with such a thing is to create a being almost as corrupt if not more. But as you saw,

I think she's implying she was responsible for Gleb. And she's once again being presumptuous. Not all of us played GhebFE, and most of those who did probably didn't even beat it. I've only played the prologue myself, though I have read Moniker's LP.

MFV: And I'm very sure, very positive, that you were the one

Again, so presumptuous. Then again, she's merely omnipresent, not omniscient.

And here I was, thinking we were bonding over our mutual dislike of Gheb. Look lady, I barely even played GhebFE. I think you've got the wrong person.

MFV: Take a knife, stare at you as you

Yep, it's official, she's secretly Ceiling Cat. And again with the presumptuousness, you can't just assume I masturbate at night, or even masturbate at all, though you're not necessarily wrong this time... (It helps me fall asleep, okay?)

Stab it on my back? Not in it? I can't tell if this is a typo or not. I'm pretty sure Spanish is Aitos's first language, but he seems to have a pretty good grasp of English too. Then again, Knoll's terrible Spanish in GhebFE makes me think he might not actually know Spanish very well...

MFV: ... Pardon me...

It's a bit late for that, don't ya think? Granted, as creepy as you may be right now, you're still less creepy than Gheb, and I suppose Aitos too because I can't see this hack having been made by a non-creepy person. Seriously, I feel like Aitos must be on the sex offender list or something given his obsession with lolis.

I'm not so sure I do know whatever your about to say, MFV, given only one of your assumptions about me has been right so far.

How did I know it was gonna be something I didn't actually know? Seriously lady, I have no fucking idea what your motives are.

Actually I kind of do, you're the Mysterious Female Voice, the Big Bad(?) of this hack, and the tutorial guide. I've played a bit into this hack before, ya know.

I don't need one, I already know who you are.

MFV: I'm Mysterious. I'm Female.

I knew that already. You've certainly done a good job of proving your lack of omniscience.

Show, don't tell.

Weren't you talking about wanting to stab a knife on my back earlier?

You keep on thinking that.

I'm not crazy! I'm just a little unwell, is all.

Again with the assumptions, lady! I don't worship Gheb at all. I think he's a terrible excuse for a human being, and I'm dreading when we get to Gheb Mode.

What's with all these ellipses, MFV? And when will you finally shut up so I can get to the gameplay? I'm sick of this black screen.

Pleasedontbesomethingdisgusting, pleasedontbesomethingdisgusting, pleasedontbesomethingdisgusting...

MFV: ...

Oh, all right then.

MFV: I'm only one step away

Dafuq are you talking about?

MFV: I'm already Transmuted,

How much you wanna bet this hack won't treat the subject of being trans tastefully? I'm betting her informed transgenderness will never be brought up again, but I'm not so sure the subject itself won't.

Are these even real words?

MFV: The list goes on. ... Oh...

You bet your ass you are. Does this mean you'll finally shut the fuck up soon?

I wish I could just close this window and forget I ever saw this hack, but I have an LP to do.

Not really, but it could have been worse. At least we haven't met Gheb yet...

MFV: I'd love to see your face

Given the dry, insensitive, unfunny humor GhebFE had, I don't think that'll be happening in this hack.

MFV: and use it as a mask.

Are you sure you aren't crazy?

MFV: ...

MFV: Goodbye... for now...

FUCKING FINALLY. I'm literally halfway to the screenshot limit right now.

Hello, CG I've heard is hard to edit out! What's with the brackets around the Tactician's name btw? I don't think regular FE7 did that, but it's been ages since I've played it so I could be wrong.

I see you've finally learned how to use the bottom half of the text box, MFV.

MFV: I would like to take you

Isn't controlling the puppets part of the tests? I'm confused.

MFV: The girl in the display is your target.

Am I gonna have to fight Fomortiis Lyn? In the fucking prologue? Really?

MFV: I'm sure you've met before. *screen change* The purpose of this test is to kill Lyn.

It better be. It's the first fucking chapter.

MFV: As a reward for this test, you will be served with a delightful

Wait, I'll be served with the cake? I won't just be served the cake? Your phrasing makes me uncomfortable, creepy lady. Also, while I've never played Portal, I know enough about it to assume that the cake is most likely a lie.

Will we FINALLY get to gameplay?

Hello darkness, my old friend. We get our first glimpse of that classic GhebFE misogyny. Also, isn't Lyn's dress supposed to be like a turquoise color or something?

But it has WTD against swords, which Lyn wields.

Just like we acquainted swiftly. It's nice to acquainted with new people, isn't it? But seriously Aitos, do you even proofread, bruh?

I really don't like how this hack changes the colors of the player and enemy armies. It makes it too confusing. Seriously, I'm used to fighting red guys, not controlling them!

I think this misspelling is on purpose, as the hack does it more than once.

MFV: It is very loyal. Please take care of it.

MFV: therefore, each is irreplaceable.

I managed to screenshot this text skip. I'm not sure if uniqute is a typo or a portmanteau of unique and cute.

Hey, an unchanged(I think) line!

Why though? I guarantee you the changed army colors are gonna make me fuck up at some point.

Oh boy, it's in all caps and red text, I bet caps lock must be important, right guys?

MFV: Move the pieces that are yours, to destroy the pieces that are not. I hope we have an understanding here.

And with that, we finally get to actually play the damn game! Let's look at Batta's stats.

But first I mess with options! I decide to keep the text speed on Normal because the slow text speed is what's let me catch all the text skips so far. Oh, and creepy Gheb face in the background, don't think I don't see you there. Now let's check out Batta.

Seeds are mines and lunch cakes are vulneraries. This Batta is definitely better than FE7 Batta, being a level lower with 5 more HP, 3 more Luck, and 2 more Strength, Skill, and Speed. He also has 5 more con. Now let's see his growths:

BATTA'S GROWTHS

HP 120

Str 90

Skl 40

Spd 40

Lck 30

Def 50

Res 35

Total 405

He's basically a better version of Gheb from GhebFE. I'm not too happy about only 40% speed growth when his speed base is fucking terrible. He has a good growth total, but keep in mind over half of it is in HP and Strength.

Aitos, it's stand up to him! Get it right, gees.

Thankfully, she's actually not a Goat Demon, just a renamed Lyn Lord called Huntress. There's a Merc on this map too with Lyn's portrait but not her name. Both are thankfully wielding lancereavers.

MFV: This is where Batta can move.

Yada, yada, boring tutorial shit.

I'm gonna ignore you and visit that house.

Whoa, all righty then.

But I literally just now tried to ignore what you told me to do.

I don't cap the next dialogue, but it's boring tutorial crap about moving the Merc to attack Batta.

Anyway, I'm gonna end it here, both because I've almost hit the screenshot limit and because imgur is taking forever to upload my next screenshot.

Next time, Batta uses the power of forced tutorials to hax his way to victory!

Edited July 29, 2016 by Matthewtheman

[Xiahou Yuan]

Hector mode is totally unchange in Ghebsaga as i know.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Xiahou Yuan

[Katie]

Hector mode is unchange in ghebsaga

But is it playable? I already figured it wouldn't be changed yet, except with characters getting replaced by their replacements i.e. Hector with Glass, Eliwood with Gheb, etc. I figure I could do at least a mini update showcasing it.

[Xiahou Yuan]

But is it playable? I already figured it wouldn't be changed yet, except with characters getting replaced by their replacements i.e. Hector with Glass, Eliwood with Gheb, etc. I figure I could do at least a mini update showcasing it.

Lyn and Eliwood mode only complete this hack and hector mode not complete. Hector become glass but story hector still same

Edited May 31, 2016 by Xiahou Yuan

[Azure Sen]

Good luck! If GhebSaga is anything like GhebFE, you're going to need it.

Yeah, Aitos was definitely going for GLaDOS with the mysterious voice, but kind of missed that part of what made GLaDOS so memorable was that she started off sounding professional and detached with a few minor slips and gradually became more unsettling and threatening as the game progressed. Plus, her type of humor was more black comedy, not violent and vulgar. (She also didn't swear, but that's just a nitpick.)

Edited May 31, 2016 by AzureSen

[かベリー]

Oh boy, this is going to be painful. Aitos legit sounds like a criminal tho.

[HF Makalov Fanboy Kai]

well this should be a fun train wreck.

[Katie]

Lyn and Eliwood mode only complete this hack and hector mode not complete. Hector become glass but story hector still same

That's what I thought, thanks.

Good luck! If GhebSaga is anything like GhebFE, you're going to need it.

Yeah, Aitos was definitely going for GLaDOS with the mysterious voice, but kind of missed that part of what made GLaDOS so memorable was that she started off sounding professional and detached with a few minor slips and gradually became more unsettling and threatening as the game progressed. Plus, her type of humor was more black comedy, not violent and vulgar. (She also didn't swear, but that's just a nitpick.)

So it's basically yet another thing Aitos didn't even get right, got it.

Anyway, this post will be missing some transcribed text because when I was initially making it I ended up accidentally closing the tab at one point, losing all my progress in the post. I screenshotted the only noteworthy text though, most of it is just boring tutorial crap. Anyway, let's get into...

Test 1 Part 2: This is why mines don't belong in the tutorial

Looks like Player Phase is again Posse Phase. I'm a bit surprised Aitos didn't go for Puppet Phase this time, tbh.

I wonder if Batta can steal in this hack. If he can't steal weapons, I'll be very disappoint. That was one of the few cool things about GhebFE, as exploitable as it was.

Having seen MarkyJoe's videos, I think that bit about clerics is foreshadowing a future chapter.

Yeah, yeah, I get it, anything in all caps and highlighted in red is important. I didn't cap it, but right before this she was saying something about how the a button was important, with a button being in all caps red text of course.

Looks like Batta's only option is PWN right now. It'll probably have to wait before I can see if he can still steal. Both these enemies are faster than him though, so it's not like he'd be able to steal from them anyway.

Looks like Batta will have to finish on Enemy Phase...

NOPE! Thanks to the power of TUTORIAL HAX, Batta doubles this Merc.

We're not gonna kill the boss? Did Aitos find a way to edit the tutorials?

It's spidey senses are tingling gaiz. I will admit, while I love Spider-Man(best Marvel superhero IMO), the whole concept of spidey senses tingling is kinda cheesy, but that's part of the charm.

MFV: Remember the pretty light. It will guide you in the correct path. The only PATH.

MFV: They're very explosive.

Yeah, Aitos basically added in a tutorial about mines. Item is now Cube for some reason, I'm not really sure how it's supposed to work.

Why so morbid, NotGLaDOS?

I guess that's why Item is now Cube. Still doesn't make much sense to me.

And no one even ever steps on it to show what it does, making this a rather poor mine tutorial IMO.

MFV: For the next portion

And now we get to fight the boss. Now that think on it, I don't think the mine tutorial was something Aitos added in. I'm pretty sure he just changed the vulnerary tutorial because Batta doesn't actually get hit in the fight with the Merc. The boss's stats are what you could see in my description screenshot in addition to 19 HP, 3 Def, and 0 Res, all of which were covered up by the description.

Here's her class description. Compared to an average level 3 Lyn whose stats are rounded to the nearest whole number, this Lyn has +2 HP, equal Str and Skl, +2 Spd, -6 Lck, +1 Def, and -1 Res. She'd probably be tough on Hard Mode, where we don't have tutorial hax.

MFV: Go on, the Wheighted Companion Cube is rooting for you.

I didn't cap it in time, but I walked into my own mine because I'm an idiot who forgot it was there and MFV started talking.

MFV: Because that was

But I didn't win! We haven't even battled yet. Did I break the tutorial?

MFV: As you can see, the Wheighted Companion Cube

All I can see is that I'm an idiot who broke the fucking tutorial by walking into his own mine.

I've already figured this out, lady.

I the ger really so important it needs to be highlighted in red and caps locked?

Everyone who's played FE7 knows it's that building Lyn is standing on.

Thankfully the game didn't break, and I can still attack Lyn to get to the ger. Let's see if Batta still has tutorial hax powers.

Once again Aitos, it's stand up, not just stand. And Lyn the Goat Demon just doesn't have the same ring to it as Batta the Beast. And I see Aitos did give her a black dress, but why is she a blonde?

Batta unfortunately lost his tutorial hax powers, and he miss, while Lyn kills him by doubling and critting on the second hit. Game over, right?

WRONG! It just goes into an endless loop of enemy phases. I did it guys. I BROKE THE TUTORIAL! I'm gonna end it here because this is too perfect.

Next time, will I actually beat the prologue?

[HF Makalov Fanboy Kai]

this makes gheb emblem seem high quality.

[Katie]

All right, let's finish up with Test 1 already. I'm gonna skip straight to the part where I actually defeat Lyn.

Test 1 Conclusion: Lyn can't stand up to Batta the Beast

Lyn: rest assured

This time, I plant the mine out of the way and Batta gets to use tutorial hax powers to win.

I found that out the hard way last time.

Nice level, Batta! Make sure you continue proccing speed, alright? I want to see if you can steal in this hack.

You've already seen the next bits of text, so let's skip to when I seize.

Not really, it was just a boring pre-scripted tutorial. The only amusing part was when I accidentally broke the game by stepping on my own mine.

It's not even possible to lose. Even if Batta dies, as I found out last time, you won't get a game over.

I doubt I will.

Batta gets to speak finally.

I believe you just murdered Lyn and broke into her house, if I'm not mistaken.

The backstory of these games make no sense. They reference events that happened in FE7, but said events often contradict what happens in the Gheb series. I guess what I'm saying is, if the events of FE7 are canon to the Gheb series, Batta should be fucking dead. And you know what, in GhebFE, Fir is apparently old enough to be dating Marisa, yet Karla is still alive in that one, so she should've been dead already, and why am I thinking too hard about the plot and continuity of these stupid hacks anyway?

Oh, and if you can't tell yet, Batta has quite the potty mouth on him in this hack. Like at least 75% of his lines contain swears.

I actually feel kind of sorry for Batta here, not because I actually sympathize with him, but because sad music is playing right now and I just noticed Batta looks kind of pitiful in his portrait. I mean, just look at those downcast eyes and that sad frown!

Batta: I better go

Gees, Batta, can you go more than two sentences without spewing swear words?

We'll be encountering this box at the end of at least the first few chapters. I think it's maybe meant to be the companion cube, but I'm not entirely sure.

What the hell did Aitos do to get the little blue triangle thing below the text box? I'm 99% positive he didn't mean for that to happen. And why has he never bothered to fix the text skips in his hacks?

Moving to the other side of the screen doesn't count as "going", Batta.

Pleasedontbesomethinggross, pleasedontbesomethinggross, pleasedontbesomethinggross...

Now that I think about it, I think the "stuff" in it is the items the companion cube is carrying.

And? That's a good thing right? I'm pretty sure we both benefit from continuing to be alive.

I think she's implying this hack's sheer terribleness is going to kill me.

Yeah, somehow I highly doubt that... From what I've seen of it so far, this hack is neither good, clean, or fun, nor is it professional.

Oh boy, I can't wait.

And with that, we're done with Test 1.

Next time, we find out who the "lancejockeys" are, and wonder if anybody in this hack will actually be in-character.

[TheMoniker]

Wow. This is almost worse than GhebFE was. From what I know, most of the first chapters have little that isn't changed outside of dialogue, but things get more intense as time passes. I wish you nothing but luck in struggling through this, because, well... if you beat it, then I don't have to!

[Katie]

Wow. This is almost worse than GhebFE was. From what I know, most of the first chapters have little that isn't changed outside of dialogue, but things get more intense as time passes. I wish you nothing but luck in struggling through this, because, well... if you beat it, then I don't have to!

Yay, Senpai noticed my LP<3

Almost worse? I'd say it's probably worse, tbh. But I don't really know too much about this hack outside of what I've seen from gameplay so far and MarkyJoe's vids, and it's really hard to find info about it, so we'll have to see. And I will admit one reason I decided to LP this was because I figured you wouldn't want to and I wanted to see this hack LPed. I have a bit of a bile fascination with the Gheb series.

[Xiahou Yuan]

Looks like Batta's only option is PWN right now. It'll probably have to wait before I can see if he can still steal. Both these enemies are faster than him though, so it's not like he'd be able to steal from them

I wish too but i tested batta in hard mode and batta Can't steal enemy weapon

Edited June 1, 2016 by Xiahou Yuan

[Azure Sen]

Aaaand of course Aitos had to make it even more obvious that the mysterious voice is supposed to be GLaDOS with that reference to Still Alive (which is the end credits theme for the first Portal).

At least the game hasn't gotten too vulgar. Yet.

[Katie]

All right, might as well start test 2, so get ready for...

Test 2 Prelude: Why is Cormag a cav?

Batta: Ugh.

You and me both Batta.

Batta, that's not a complete sentence. It has a subject but lacks a predicate. Seriously, what about the weird box with a heart? I need to know, goddamnit!

That would be "I don't know what I'm going to do with it." Gees, Batta, learn2grammar.

Batta: But I hope I find at least some familiar fucker around here somewhere.

Seriously, Aitos, what's up with the hideous background?

Ohai, Cormag. What are you doing here?

I know Glen is using brother literally here, but I couldn't help but read this in Hulk Hogan's voice. And now I'm gonna end up reading the rest of his lines in Hulk Hogan's voice, I can already tell.

Are we ever even told who their father is, or why they're always mentioning him?

Glen: ...?

Cormag: I mean why-

Glen: Let's not talk about that.

I dunno, I'm kind of curious as to what Cormag's talking about.

Cormag: You're right...

Shouldn't that be any one, with a space? Either way, this phrasing is really awkward.

I don't. You guys are like, literally about to meet Batta again. That isn't even really a spoiler, it should be glaringly obvious that's what's going to happen.

As long as we get Marisa again, I'll be happy. I was somewhat okay with her GhebFE portrayal, as while she was out of character like pretty much everyone in GhebFE(except maybe Denning), at least she wasn't a rapist or a pedophile or anything like that, Aitos just made her a lesbian. I'm not too happy about how GhebFE portrayed Moulder and Oliver, as they are some of my other faves. But anyway, Marisa's like my favorite FE character ever, and I'll be very disappoint if Aitos didn't bring her back.

I'm 100% positive that it's Batta.

Glen: Right.

Whoa Glen, you can't just go ambushing random people without making sure they're actually a foe first.

Told you it'd be Batta. Granted, I've played this chapter before, so I knew ahead of time, but even when I was first playing this I knew it'd be Batta.

And so, Glen realizes why he shouldn't just ambush random people.

You know what, I think I'm okay with Batta's gimmick being that he swears a lot. It's better than Gheb's gimmick of being a murdering, raping, pedophile.

Cormag: Ack.

Where the hell did Cormag go?

I guess he just decided to move to the other side of the screen? Also, Batta, I know this hack was made like 7 years ago, but I'm pretty sure even then it was considered offensive to use retarded in a context like this.

Batta, I wouldn't go calling potential allies "retards".

Cormag: No sir...

Is he supposed to be like your stereotypical gruff drill sergeant who acts like a jerk to his subordinates but deep down has a heart of gold? Because that's what he's coming off like to me. Granted, the heart of gold hasn't shown up yet, but we're barely into the game and I'm sure it'll show itself soon.

But don't Wyvern Riders only wield lances? Or is one or both of them a Wyvern Lord already?

Yes, Glen, we know.

Batta: But I'm the one who

Is this a typo, or does Batta have some kind of accent? If it's the latter, Aitos needs to make it a little more clear, as there are several accents that would say "where we going". Gangsta, New Yahk, New Joisey, Bastan, uneducated old-timey racist token black character, etc. The list goes on.

How would you know if Glen's Wyvern was gay or not? And why would it matter? Don't be homophobic, Batta. Of course, this is a sequel to GhebFE, so I should probably expect the characters to speak in an offensive matter.

Come on vamanos, everybody let's go! Come on let's get to it! I know that we can do it!

But at least he isn't Gheb.

Before Glenmania goes wild on you, brother!

Let me guess, it's the Companion Cube.

Yep, definitely the Companion Cube.

Way to come out of nowhere, Batta. Seriously, he just rushes in from the left side of the screen all of a sudden.

Those are some odd ellipses. Normally an ellipsis is 3 dots, not 2 or 4.

Wait, Batta forgot Cormag's name? Seriously?

Poor Cormag. He's basically the Butt Monkey in this hack, at least for the first few chapters.

Cormag: This box... So weird...

So Sain and Kent are gay lovers in this hack. Why am I not surprised? Does Aitos even realize Sain is like the straightest character in FE7?

Sain: Already? Neat.

Kent: We must do our duty as the

You seem to be missing an apostrophe there, Kent. Seriously, does Aitos even proofread this shit?

Kent, that line is so out of character it isn't even funny. You're supposed to be stern and serious, not flamboyantly gay!

Kent: Did you forget they die afterwards?

That's a really weird phrase to use, Kent.

Apparently, Sain and Kent are going to "yeah", whatever that means.

Kent: Shush! Here comes our testee.

Sigh...

Sain: Ack!

Hey there MFV. I can't help but agree with you here. Their OOCness is making my eyes bleed.

Apparently Sain and Kent weren't wearing clothes. This cutscene is getting increasingly homoerotic by the minute.

Cake will be brought up a lot in this hack, btw.

How would an Elibean even know what Kansas is?

Glen apparently doesn't.

Actually, THIS. IS.-

Cormag: For a moment I thought this was Sparta.

Goddamnit, Cornmug, you ruined my joke. And it was in text skip too, so I couldn't even screenshot it.

Oh, and here's a tip, Aitos: If you're gonna make meme references, at least make sure it makes sense in the context of the scene. Why would these guys who live in fictional fantasylands know what real world locations like Kansas and Sparta are?

For some reason, I ended up imagining Cormag literally fucking with Batta, and it was disturbing. I blame Sain and Kent for making my mind go there.

Batta must be a member of the Department of Redundancy Department.

Glen: Right.

You forgot a comma there, Cornmug.

The joke still isn't over? Aitos, you dragged this out too long. And it wasn't even funny. I will give you credit though, at least it wasn't a tasteless rape joke.

Apparently Batta is a bratty teenage girl.

I'll admit I laughed here, but only because it reminded me what I named myself. I'll admit I was considering "Deez Nuts", but it didn't fit into the character limit.

MFV: The Mysterious Lancejockeys have stopped

What do you mean, take me? I don't like where this is going.

MFV: I hope you are too.

The MFV, of course, or did you not get the memo?

I guess the only people who can hear the MFV are Batta, me, and the people working for her. Actually, you know what, the testee isn't even technically me, it's some chick name Poop who happens to share my birth month.

I wouldn't really describe it as bitchy. More like creepy af.

You barely even know her! You'd really kill a woman just because her voice sounds "bitchy"?

Well at least Sain hasn't lost his love for the ladies.

I picked the perfect name.

Sain, Poop would rather you keep your "might" in your trousers, okay?

You aren't even on her side. But if you wanna defect to the "good" guys, that's fine by me. We could use another unit.

Didn't you tell me that last Test?

This hack wouldn't know cool if it were standing atop Mt. Everest in the middle of winter.

They aren't puppets, they're my friends! - what every protagonist ever would say

Except this is still Lyn mode, so they actually will come back during Eliwood Mode.

Casual Mode says hi.

Can Gheb go first?

About damn time. I want to look at my units.

So, like in GhebFE, Cormag is a cavalier. Aitos, please explain why Cormag is a cav. He's supposed to be a Wyvern Rider, GAWD! It almost makes me want to hack him into the correct class, but that'd probably fuck up his palette.

Compared to FE8 Cormag, this Cormag is 8 levels lower, and has 6 less HP, 7 less strength, 4 less skill, 4 less speed, 1 less luck, 3 less defense, and 1 less resistance. His con is also one lower. Oh, and he's also the WRONG CLASS!

CORMAG'S GROWTHS

HP 80(-5)

Str 45(-10)

Skl 55(+15)

Spd 40(-5)

Lck 30(-5)

Def 50(+25)

Res 30(+15)

Total 330(+30)

Any plus or minus in parentheses is how much higher or lower the growth is than the FE8 growth. I'll be doing this with all characters that are playable in a mainline FE. I think I like his FE8 growths better even though the total is worse, if only because his growths in the most important stats are higher.

Here's his description.

First off, I'm highlighting the description both to show off the description of "Lunch Cakes", and because when MarkyJoe played this hack, description text for items would be above the cursor making it impossible to figure out the stats of an equipped weapon, and I wanted to show that Aitos apparently fixed that at some point. An interesting thing to note is that Glen has the same con as in FE8 despite being unpromoted.

Anyway, compared to FE8 Glen, this one is level 1 unpromoted as opposed to level 12 promoted, with 25 less HP, 10 less strength, 12 less skill, 7 less speed, 4 less luck, 9 less defense, and 5 less resistance. He looks better than Cormag, but let's see his growths.

GLEN'S GROWTHS

HP 70(-15)

Str 50(+5)

Skl 50

Spd 35(-10)

Lck 30(+10)

Def 35

Res 10(-30)

Total 280(-40)

Ouch. I'm tempted hack his growths back to their normal FE8 levels, because while these would be okay in vanilla FE7, these simply won't do in a hack like this where enemies have inflated stats.

I think Cormag is clearly better than his brother. Next chapter though, we'll get a unit who blows them both out of the water. For now, we're stuck with both.

Seriously, what's the deal with their father?

And you know what, I just realized Cormag and Glen also have the wrong affinities. Cormag should have Fire instead of Thunder and Glen should have Wind instead of Fire. But I'm just being nitpicky at this point.

Let's end this episode with a peak at the bosses stats. Sain actually has the correct affinity, but Kent should have anima. No they don't have A support with each other, which is kind of lame. Kent also has 1 more con than he should. Anyway, compared to their averages for their levels(rounded to the nearest whole number, of course) Kent has 4 more HP, 2 more strength, 4 less skill, 2 less speed, 3 less luck, the same defense, and 2 less resistance, while Sain has 4 more HP, 2 less strength, 1 less skill, 1 less speed, 4 less luck, 1 more defense, and the same resistance.

Next time, after some pre-scripted shit, we'll get to have our first non pre-scripted battles! Will we win?

[Katie]

I wish too but i tested batta in hard mode and batta Can't steal enemy weapon

Aww, that sucks. I'll hope any regular thieves we get can.

Aaaand of course Aitos had to make it even more obvious that the mysterious voice is supposed to be GLaDOS with that reference to Still Alive (which is the end credits theme for the first Portal).

At least the game hasn't gotten too vulgar. Yet.

It probably hasn't gotten too vulgar yet because we have yet to meet Gheb. I'm dreading his mode.

[Xiahou Yuan]

Aww, that sucks. I'll hope any regular thieves we get can.

Yeah... I wish batta can stole any weapons enemy.

Oh yeah,you wish see how stats lyn in mode hard?

[Katie]

Yeah... I wish batta can stole any weapons enemy.

Oh yeah,you wish see how stats lyn in mode hard?

Did they change? I'm pretty sure Lyn Hard Mode only disables the tutorial, not increase enemy stats.

[Xiahou Yuan]

Did they change? I'm pretty sure Lyn Hard Mode only disables the tutorial, not increase enemy stats.

Yeah but sometimes merc in mode hard Maybe can double batta or not

Edit : I replay this chapter and stats merc in mode hard sightly change when replay this chapter.

Edited June 1, 2016 by Xiahou Yuan

[TheMoniker]

I personally think the plot is better than GhebFE's by a mile, but only because Gheb is currently only included as an abstract concept as opposed to an actual character.

But really, I don't get MFV's plot... trying to destroy Gheb by giving you puppets and trying to kill them in tests? What? What is the greater purpose in all this?

[かベリー]

I honestly want to know if Aitos is really into racist/offensive/stupid humour or if he's just following the trends. His knowledge on yaoi suggests both possibilities are possible.

[Katie]

I personally think the plot is better than GhebFE's by a mile, but only because Gheb is currently only included as an abstract concept as opposed to an actual character.

But really, I don't get MFV's plot... trying to destroy Gheb by giving you puppets and trying to kill them in tests? What? What is the greater purpose in all this?

I can definitely agree with you on both counts. Though unfortunately once we get out of Lyn mode, Gheb will no longer just be an abstract concept...

[Xiahou Yuan]

I honestly want to know if Aitos is really into racist/offensive/stupid humour or if he's just following the trends. His knowledge on yaoi suggests both possibilities are possible.

Maybe Aitos think racist/offensive joke is fun. This why aitos making this hack.

Edited June 1, 2016 by Xiahou Yuan

[HF Makalov Fanboy Kai]

well i do remember that he's at the very least into furry, which surprises me because you wouldn't know that from the hack.

[Katie]

All right, let's get this stupid chapter out of the way in...

Test 2 Gameplay: The tutorial is fucking terrible

MFV: The Companion Cube is

This happened when I tried selecting Batta instead of Glen like I'm supposed to.

When I select Glen, the glitchy mess goes away.

So I guess Glen is the one talking here?

I try putting him on the forest next to the foe, and this happens. I guess I'll have to attack from the top.

Oh boy, Javelin or Javelin, which do I choose?

One thing I hate about the Lyn mode tutorial is that it forces you to make the terribad decision of having Sain attack an axe user with a lance. Here, however, the axe user is wielding a swordreaver, making the decision of having Glen attack him with a Javelin not dumb.

And of course Glen fucking misses an 100%. Wat. Stupid pre-scripted tutorial hax...

MFV: It seems that

They do when the axe user is wielding a swordreaver. The only reason Glen missed was because it was a pre-scripted battle. Just you wait Brigand, because when I get out of the pre-scripted part of this chapter, Glenmania is gonna run wild on you, brother!

I thought it was just weapon triangle, not weapons triangle. And didn't GhebFE call it the weapons square?

MFV: It should have been called the WEAPONS SQUARE, since there are FOUR weapon types

The reason it isn't the weapon square is because bows exist outside the triangle, being neutral against the other three types, though FE14 did bring them into the triangle making them good against lances and weak against swords just like axes.

Two tests from now, to be exact, when we get out first bow user. Can you guess who it is?

MFV: Right now,

They're alright I guess. They have low weight and high accuracy and durability, but their low might makes them less useful by endgame.

But Glen can't even use them until promotion. Unless you plan on giving it to Cormag?

Okay. I like Cormag so far, he hasn't done anything to make him lose my sympathy. Glen too. Batta is okay I guess, assuming he'll be a jerk with a heart of gold rather than a straight up jerkass, but I feel like his characterization was a missed opportunity. I feel like he should have been and over the top, hammy, and full of himself, and be constantly referencing how amazing he is, as while he only has a couple lines in FE7 so there's not much characterization to be garnered from him, that was the kind of person he came off as to me from those few lines, and I love characters like that. Sain and Kent though are so OOC that I can't stand them.

He does, I checked last update.

I spy another typo. I believe you mean that, NotGLaDOS, not what.

But did you give it to Glen or Cormag? Let's hope Cormag, since he can actually use it.

MFV: Go ahead, use it.

Ceek Fahrtz? Oh God why did I reference that?

I did not give up. I made a guess, that I'm certain is incorrect because that meme didn't exist yet when this hack was made. Also, I believe you mean spoil, not spoilt. Spoilt isn't a word. This hack is really bringing out my inner grammar nazi.

But bows have usually been kinda underpowered. Even though some bow users are great, it's usually due to the bow user having good stats to make up for their lack of EP, rather than bows themselves being great. The Longbow is pretty nice though. They were OP as fuck in Gaiden though, due to 1-5 range, putting them right up there with Falcon Knights(who got the FE2 version of the "slayer" ability), anyone with access to the Merc line(due to being able to level up infinitely), and Clerics equipped with Luna(perfect accuracy Nosferatu). Why are we even talking about bows anyway? No one on this map, friend or foe, can even wield them.

This simile makes no sense.

I was wondering the same thing. Btw, you used the wrong punctuation. There should be a question mark, not a period, since this is a question, not a command or a statement.

Why is this phrased as a question. I think Aitos got his punctuation mixed up?

c wat i did thar?

This whole hack is a waste of my time.

Why are you using rapey, homoerotic figures of speech? And btw, I hope you're referring to his Javelins, because that Bandit has a Swordreaver.

Welp, looks like Glen got a free Iron Sword he can't use. And the game won't let me attack the Bandit from the forest with Cormag either. Stupid Lyn mode tutorial, forcing me to make stupid decisions.

But he has a Swordreaver. This tutorial is terrible.

The tutorial wouldn't even let me choose anything but the Iron Sword.

He only dodged because the battle is pre-scripted.

What the hell are you talking about?

Who is even talking here? I'm so confused.

I guess it was MFV, but I don't know what she was on about with the whole lance thing, Cormag clearly used a sword.

MFV: At least you won't have to worry about the WEAPONS TRIANGLE.

At least Batta can attack from the forest.

Hopefully Batta will use tutorial hax and double.

He does!

As if I have any other option.

MFV: But...

He will someday, assuming I train him to promotion instead of just benching him.

Implying this test isn't done being pre-scripted yet. He's gonna miss guys.

Better they root for this Glen than that other one...

I try moving Batta to the cav to see if he's really lost the ability to steal(they have the same speed), but of course the game won't let me.

I try having Glen attack Sain, and of course I'm not allowed to. I'd like to point out that the game didn't flash the pretty light until now, so you had no indication of where you're supposed to move Glen and could only learn it by trying to move him to the wrong spot. You'd find out anyway, but it's still annoying. And the game of course won't let me attack this cav from the forest.

Lampshading stupid starting inventories doesn't make them less stupid, game. Seriously, don't make a unit start with two of the same item. Why couldn't you have given him an Iron Lance or something instead of a second Javelin, Aitos? Though I suppose I'll forgive this instance, since Javelins only have 20 uses. Giving Javelins 40 uses instead of making him carry two would have been better though.

It does only have 20 uses, so I can see why he might want two. Whenever I'm grinding a unit in LB3 in Awakening, I usually give them at least 3 of a 1-2 range weapon and sit them on the fort and let them solo, as I know just 1 of the weapon won't last them the whole map. I usually pair them with Chrom too since he's forced and has convoy access. But since I'm not soloing this game or even map with Glen, 2 Javelins is a bit excessive, especially since Javelins aren't even rare. Most shops sell them.

The game forces me to use the second Javelin even though it makes no difference. I think this pre-scripted battle will actually reflect what you'd expect from the preview for once.

Oh wow he dodged. But at least it was close enough to what you'd expect from the preview this time.

You forced me to make him make terrible decisions. This is part of why no one likes the Lyn mode tutorial.

Lol, cockeyed. - Aitos when writing this, probably

The opponent was on a forest, chill.

Yeah, no shit.

Wait, is this text someone other than MFV? I've been assuming it was MFV, but I guess it's only MFV if it's a black text box?

Magical? I don't think forests are classified as magical, unidentified tutorial text.

Again, I don't think "magically" is the right word here, especially since you aren't guaranteed to dodge, just more likely.

I'm confused, is this MFV or not? Was the black text box person someone else? And the game justifies the avoid bonus granted by forests as being due to the heavy thickets of trees making it hard for the opponent to see and therefore hit you, so it's hardly mysterious.

But it's just a box. It can't say anything.

You spelled recuperate wrong. (Yes, I'm going to point out and/or mock every typo and/or grammar error I find that isn't obviously intentional, I need to show just how badly Aitos needs to proofread and/or have someone else proofread)

Okay then. You sure "recupearted" fast.

MFV(?): For the next portion of the test,

Corm? That's a weird nickname. And it's a letter away from being Colm. It's probably less embarrassing than Cornmug, I suppose. Also, I just noticed the period is highlighted in red text too here. Huh. I don't know if that's the first time the game has done that, but it's definitely the first example I've noticed.

You didn't flash the pretty light until now! How was I supposed to know where to move him?

His lance? All right, though I don't remember what this enemy's equipped with, but as long as it isn't a lancereaver we should be good.

Cormag should probably make use of that 55% Skl growth soon, no?

Luckily, since this is pre-scripted(I think), Cormag hits and the cav misses.

Whachu talkin' 'bout? It went fine.

What's an unstatis factory? Also, I notice the period is highlighted in red here too.

MFV(?): Next step on the list

But we know who they are. Sain already explained why they technically aren't mysterious.

Seriously, why are they? The only mystery surrounding them is the mystery of why they're acting so out of character.

Given your track record of making false assumptions, I'm not surprised.

But we don't even get a mage until at least Test 5! Possibly later than that, I wouldn't know, as I've only played up to Test 4 before. I know we'll get one by Test 8 though.

The light flashed on the forest here. Am I finally going to get to make a smart decision? Too bad Batta doesn't have a hand axe, or he could've attacked Sain.

Glen gets hurt on EP because the stupid tutorial forced me to make stupid decisions.

Why does Sain have a generic palette, Aitos? I can already tell this hack had less effort put into it than GhebFE. It at least has more effort put into it than DDOP though, but that's not really saying much. I'm going to give Aitos the benefit of the doubt here and assume Aitos meant to give him his own palette but never got around to it. This hack is unfinished, after all.

MFV(?): *something about Batta being hurt. I accidentally scrolled the text before I could screenshot it and I forgot what it said. It wasn't a text skip though, I just hit the A button too soon*

Batta is at full health. He dodged Sain's Javelin.

You better not be making me do what I think you are. Glen desperately needs his lunch cakes right now. Batta is at full health.

Believe it or not, the cake is not a lie here. Lunch Cakes are just renamed vulneraries, and there's no secret drawback to using them.

I dunno, health restoration sounds pretty tasty to me.

Here comes the trading tutorial. And it's rather redundant, too, Batta and Glen are both already carrying Lunch Cakes.

MFV(?): It is very skilled at that.

I try selecting Batta, and this happens. Clicking an empty tile fixes the glitchy screen. The voice isn't wrong her though, I really don't care.

What Glen needs more of!

No matter what this trade will be stupid. Both already have Lunch Cakes.

MFV(?): Just press A here, B over there... It's all very easy. Much like pie.

I know how to trade already. I've played FE before. Stop making me play badly!

So I guess Glen will be getting Batta's Lunch Cakes? That's better than the other way around, but still dumb. Also, I spy a grammar error. And an error in general, Batta's perfectly fine and in no danger of dying.

Understatement of the century right here, folks.

It's not even a flesh wound. Batta is completely unharmed.

This figure of speech might be cliche, but at least it isn't disgusting and/or offensive, so I welcome it.

MFV(?): I did it once.

CAN YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME DO THE TRADE ALREADY! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR CREEPY ANECDOTES, I JUST WANT THE STUPID TUTORIAL TO BE OVER WITH SO I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY SMART FOR ONCE!

ASDFGHGJDTTFUYGIHAIBN!

Are you done yet?

SHUT UP!

If you do, I'm gonna make like Hugh and unleash my rage. Btw, this deadly neurotoxin line was repeated again, and I was not happy.

FUCKING FINALLY! I really don't like this MFV, not because she's evil or creepy or anything, but because she NEVER SHUTS UP.

Yeah, yeah, can you be done now?

Glen eats a Lunch Cake.

Bullshit. He can already do that anyway.

Yes, yes, we know.

*grumble grumble* Forgot an "of"... *grumble grumble*

That sounds creepy. Anyway, we've hit the screenshot limit, so we'll have to finish up next update.

Next time, we finally get to make our own decisions!