General Parenting Thread

[Rezzy]

Hello all, I and another parent here in the Forest thought it might be a good idea to open up a thread where we can discuss all things parent and children related. I know there's a handful of parents that are posters here, and there may very well be more that I'm unaware of. My current count is four. However, we could also talk about families in general as well, or posters want to talk about their own parents, since we all experience the child half of the parent-child relationship, first. I and other parents could also try to field questions as best we can about people maybe thinking about becoming parents themselves one day, or just want to satisfy morbid curiosity. In the end, we're all amateurs, here.

For me, I have two children. One is in the oven, while the other finished cooking a little over two years ago. Adventures in pregnancy have been discussed in http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=62651.

My son is named Leo, and my daughter will be called Est. I swear I don't name my children after Fire Emblem characters, it just worked out that way.

[Res]

Woo! Now I don't have to be concerned about hijacking your pregnancy thread. ;)

I also have two kids; my eldest is 4 (Anya) and my youngest is 1 (Niko). I'm definitely - at least, I hope it's definitely - done at two. I breed non-sleepers and as much as I love my kids, both my physical and mental health has taken a real toll.

(BTW, I can't speak for other parents, but I love talking about my kids pretty much because I have little else to talk about, haha. Having young children tends to be really time consuming! I used to be an avid reader, for example, but I've only managed to finish two books since becoming a parent. Socializing's also pretty tough unless you have a really willing babysitter.)

Anyway, the above sounds a little negative, so... I have to say, it's really fun watching kids grow, and learn, and I'm definitely enjoying parenting as they get older. I've been playing Fates with Anya and that's been a lot of fun. We're taking her to San Francisco to see Strandbeests tomorrow (at least, that's the goal!): http://www.strandbeest.com/

[Rezzy]

Woo! Now I don't have to be concerned about hijacking your pregnancy thread. ;)

I also have two kids; my eldest is 4 (Anya) and my youngest is 1 (Niko). I'm definitely - at least, I hope it's definitely - done at two. I breed non-sleepers and as much as I love my kids, both my physical and mental health has taken a real toll.

(BTW, I can't speak for other parents, but I love talking about my kids pretty much because I have little else to talk about, haha. Having young children tends to be really time consuming! I used to be an avid reader, for example, but I've only managed to finish two books since becoming a parent. Socializing's also pretty tough unless you have a really willing babysitter.)

Anyway, the above sounds a little negative, so... I have to say, it's really fun watching kids grow, and learn, and I'm definitely enjoying parenting as they get older. I've been playing Fates with Anya and that's been a lot of fun. We're taking her to San Francisco to see Strandbeests tomorrow (at least, that's the goal!): http://www.strandbeest.com/

No worries, I love you posting in my thread!

My life's definitely been a lot busier since Leo was born. I've been listening to audio books while driving, so I still get my books that way, at least. I haven't read a physical book in a few years now.

I know what you mean. It sounds negative when we point out the negative aspects of parenting, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Res]

I should switch to audio books! I have a longish commute in the car.

My kids were wide-awake from 11 pm - 3 am last night; I'm not functioning well today.

[Life]

No kids yet (I'm 25 and people that I grew up with are starting to get engaged and have kids) but that's something I want in the future.

[Res]

There is definitely plenty of time! I often think 28 was too young.

[jacknichol]

Recently I am blessed with a new born baby ? Is there any opinion for care a new born baby .

[Rezzy]

I should switch to audio books! I have a longish commute in the car.

My kids were wide-awake from 11 pm - 3 am last night; I'm not functioning well today.

I definitely recommend it. I've got a ton of audio books, Audible is good, but I'm sure any service would work equally well. I'm re-listening to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix right now.

No kids yet (I'm 25 and people that I grew up with are starting to get engaged and have kids) but that's something I want in the future.

You've still got some time. I'd say 35 is the upper cut-off, but that's more for women. It was kind of a crunch for me, since I wanted to wait until I was done with school, but even after medical school, there's still residency, and if you wait too long, you're past the age that it's ideal to have kids. It's a real juggling game.

There is definitely plenty of time! I often think 28 was too young.

I was two days shy of my 28th birthday when my first was born!

Recently I am blessed with a new born baby ? Is there any opinion for care a new born baby .

I'm not sure if you're being serious or not. Probably not, but if you have more specific questions, I'd be happy to answer.

[ErrantDShepherd]

Recently I am blessed with a new born baby ? Is there any opinion for care a new born baby .

Likely should use a different site for this sort of info/opinions, TBH. But eh, if you can be more specific I could give some advice?

(Feel like English is not first language here?)

[Anacybele]

I don't EVER want to get pregnant. And I'm generally not a big fan of kids...

But that doesn't mean I can't like one. So there is a chance that someday I'll adopt a girl (because I would not want a boy at all. I just never have good experiences with them, whereas I've had some very nice ones with girls. Plus girl clothes are SO freaking cute lol). I'd like to be able to name her so there is still a piece of me on her even though I didn't give birth to her. And I'll call her Elincia. Not simply because I love Fire Emblem's Elincia, but I think that is just the prettiest female name I ever did see!

Though, it'd be funny if she wound up getting with a guy named Ike (or Geoffrey). XD

Edited August 15, 2016 by Anacybele

[MisterIceTeaPeach]

I'm in an age when my parents already got me and my one year older cousin became daddy a couple of months ago.

So of course some of my relatives ask me about having child(ren).

And my answer is no, because

1. I have to care about my own life. I have to finish my job and need money to live my girlfriend together.
2. under the current circumstances it's not possible to have children in a natural way. And I highly doubt that I'll adopt a child.

[Elieson]

My [step]son is 14, and I'm 28. Try doing the math there! Regardless, I was adopted, and strongly support adoption myself (having basically done it once now with Tyler).

He just moved in with me officially as of this weekend, and starts school in my custody. It's been a rough few years but I think he'll finally get the stability he deserves!

His little sister (Alexis aka "Lexi", 6) is super ecstatic of course, to have Bubba living with us! Now I just gottakeep the place spotless for CPS's random check-ins.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Elieson

[Papa Wolf]

Hello, everyone. Sorry, I'm new. I'm actually married to Rezzy, here.

We've got one son so far. He's a smart little guy, and is able to identify most of his letters and numbers. He's got alphabet magnets on the fridge, and will say their name when he grabs them. We're going to have a daughter in November.

I look froward to being able to play video games with my kids, once they're old enough. Leo already likes grabbing my 3DS and trying to do things with it.

[Rezzy]

I don't EVER want to get pregnant. And I'm generally not a big fan of kids...

But that doesn't mean I can't like one. So there is a chance that someday I'll adopt a girl (because I would not want a boy at all. I just never have good experiences with them, whereas I've had some very nice ones with girls. Plus girl clothes are SO freaking cute lol). I'd like to be able to name her so there is still a piece of me on her even though I didn't give birth to her. And I'll call her Elincia. Not simply because I love Fire Emblem's Elincia, but I think that is just the prettiest female name I ever did see!

Though, it'd be funny if she wound up getting with a guy named Ike (or Geoffrey). XD

There's nothing wrong not wanting to be pregnant yourself, and adoption is very laudable. I know what you mean about cute girl clothes. I love petticoats and the like and look forward to dressing Est up. My sister also has two daughters, already, so I'll get plenty of hand-me-downs. Every situation is unique, but if you know the mother before the birth, you can often pick the name, and I know some post-birth name changes happen.

I'm in an age when my parents already got me and my one year older cousin became daddy a couple of months ago.

So of course some of my relatives ask me about having child(ren).

And my answer is no, because

1. I have to care about my own life. I have to finish my job and need money to live my girlfriend together.
2. under the current circumstances it's not possible to have children in a natural way. And I highly doubt that I'll adopt a child.

No worries if you're not ready, not wanting, or otherwise unable to become a parent. We already have plenty of people who become parents when they aren't ready.

For #2, I know how that feels, since when I was with girls, I wasn't exactly able to have kids naturally, but I did still want kids and highly considered adoption, should it be allowed.

My [step]son is 14, and I'm 28. Try doing the math there! Regardless, I was adopted, and strongly support adoption myself (having basically done it once now with Tyler).

He just moved in with me officially as of this weekend, and starts school in my custody. It's been a rough few years but I think he'll finally get the stability he deserves!

His little sister (Alexis aka "Lexi", 6) is super ecstatic of course, to have Bubba living with us! Now I just gottakeep the place spotless for CPS's random check-ins.

I think adoption is great, I've several people in my family who were adopted, and sadly, my cousin, who has a baby due at the same time as us, will be giving her baby up for adoption.

Hello, everyone. Sorry, I'm new. I'm actually married to Rezzy, here.

We've got one son so far. He's a smart little guy, and is able to identify most of his letters and numbers. He's got alphabet magnets on the fridge, and will say their name when he grabs them. We're going to have a daughter in November.

I look froward to being able to play video games with my kids, once they're old enough. Leo already likes grabbing my 3DS and trying to do things with it.

Oh, hello, there.

[Anacybele]

There's nothing wrong not wanting to be pregnant yourself, and adoption is very laudable. I know what you mean about cute girl clothes. I love petticoats and the like and look forward to dressing Est up. My sister also has two daughters, already, so I'll get plenty of hand-me-downs. Every situation is unique, but if you know the mother before the birth, you can often pick the name, and I know some post-birth name changes happen.

For a second, I read that as "laughable." Oopsie. xP

Anyway, I myself have a niece and young female cousin, so I might wind up with hand-me-downs from them too. lol If this adoption ever happens. I want to be married and have a good paying job first though, of course. And hopefully my future husband won't mind adopting a kid and then that's all. I don't think I could do more than one with my patience. xP I mean, I'm generally pretty patient with a lot of things, but kids just aren't one of them for some reason.

[Topaz Light]

Now, I'm not actually a parent, so I don't know how much this opinion is worth, but I really, really don't think that somebody should have children, adopted or biological, for any of the following reasons:

• Because you want somebody to love you
• Because you want to have a cute kid to name and dress up and essentially treat like a very high-maintenence doll
• Because you want to meet the social expectation of/get the boost in social status from having kids
• Because you want to have your kid do something in particular with their life

Children may be young, small, and not fully developed yet, but they are human beings, just like all of us here. Kids don't belong to their parents; rather it is their parents' responsibility to see to the happy, healthy upbringing of the children. Unless you are ready and willing to take care of and respect a child as their own distinct, unique human being who is not your property or in any way an extension of you, do not have kids. Not adopted, not biological. Zero children.

[Rezzy]

For a second, I read that as "laughable." Oopsie. xP

Anyway, I myself have a niece and young female cousin, so I might wind up with hand-me-downs from them too. lol If this adoption ever happens. I want to be married and have a good paying job first though, of course. And hopefully my future husband won't mind adopting a kid and then that's all. I don't think I could do more than one with my patience. xP I mean, I'm generally pretty patient with a lot of things, but kids just aren't one of them for some reason.

Yeah, I'd definitely recommend being married before adopting. Raising a kid alone would be tough. We have enough trouble with two people. I think I remember you saying in another thread that you were asexual, so if you found a like minded husband, adoption would be your best bet, if you both wanted kids, since intercourse would not be on the table. (If I misremembered or otherwise sounded insensitive, I'm sorry that's not my intention.)

[Anacybele]

Yeah, I'd definitely recommend being married before adopting. Raising a kid alone would be tough. We have enough trouble with two people. I think I remember you saying in another thread that you were asexual, so if you found a like minded husband, adoption would be your best bet, if you both wanted kids, since intercourse would not be on the table. (If I misremembered or otherwise sounded insensitive, I'm sorry that's not my intention.)

Oh, don't worry, you remembered right and you're not being insensitive. I'm definitely asexual, yet still interested in men romantically. Though sadly, I can't say the probability of me ever getting a kid is high. It seems that in this day, you'd have a very hard time finding a man that doesn't want sex or his own kids. >_>

Edited August 16, 2016 by Anacybele

[Rezzy]

Oh, don't worry, you remembered right and you're not being insensitive. I'm definitely asexual, yet still interested in men romantically. Though sadly, I can't say the probability of me ever getting a kid is high. It seems that in this day, you'd have a very hard time finding a man that doesn't want sex or his own kids. >_>

I'm sure there are some out there. I have a male cousin with Asperger's, who's said he wasn't interested in sex, but I'm not sure if he wants anything romantic at all. It's something that I didn't really go too in depth about.

[Sylphid]

I'm not a parent, but there are a lot of young kids in the family, as most of my cousins have kids of their own by now (I fall into an awkward spot where I'm about 10 years younger than my youngest cousin and about 10 years older as the oldest next generation kid).

All in all, there are 9 kids (ages 13, 12, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3 and 1) with whom I've spent varying amounts of time and who I've looked after. Youngest of them being my godson and almost criminally adorable.

I hope with what little experience I have, I've got something to say about children.

Also, Rezzy and Papa Wolf, a fair warning since you're having your second one: Watch out for sibling jealousy. One of the kids in the family was the dearest little thing, but after he got his little sister, he could be a real handful (and I'm saying this aware that it could have been much worse). He became much more attention-seeking, he would change his opinions on the fly just to rival the little sister, try to keep all the toys to himself, etc...

I expect you already know this though, just saying it for good measure.

It seems that in this day, you'd have a very hard time finding a man that doesn't want sex or his own kids. >_>

I assure you, as rare as we are we do exist.

While I love children, I don't feel the need to have my own. Though I suppose I wouldn't be against it either I suppose.

(And like you, I'm also asexual)

[Michelaar]

Ok, now I'm FAR to young for kids, BUT, I adore them. There is no way me and my partner could get them naturally, since, well, I'm gay. So, I'm gonna have to adopt kids if I ever want one. So I really hope there are any more guys out there that would want the same thing as I. I also am a little bit afraid of adopting, but I suppose that will go away once I'm older.

[Res]

He just moved in with me officially as of this weekend, and starts school in my custody. It's been a rough few years but I think he'll finally get the stability he deserves!

That's awesome! I hope everything goes smoothly for him and for you.

Hello, everyone. Sorry, I'm new. I'm actually married to Rezzy, here.

Hi! Welcome!

4's been the magical age for Anya in terms of having the patience and skills needed for playing games. She had a few of the skills aged 3, but not the patience. ;) It's been fun! We've been playing Fire Emblem, although I still need to play that for her - the actual battles are still beyond her at this point.

It's been interesting to see what she is and isn't capable of. Some things I think she ought to get, she doesn't. But she also surprises me with what she does know! She showed me a game on my DS the other day I haven't played before and she was able to tell me the rules, and even said, 'this boss is really tough'. She's also a whiz at the various kids' games on her Kindle.

Minecraft is an example of a game that I think she ought to be able to play, but she's not quite there yet. She's learned the camera controls and can move around her environment and chop trees down, but she hasn't moved on to actually crafting anything just yet.

We also love board games in our family and she usually beats us at the two kids' board games we have - Take the Cake and My First Stone Age.

Now, I'm not actually a parent, so I don't know how much this opinion is worth, but I really, really don't think that somebody should have children, adopted or biological, for any of the following reasons:

• Because you want somebody to love you

Children may be young, small, and not fully developed yet, but they are human beings, just like all of us here. Kids don't belong to their parents; rather it is their parents' responsibility to see to the happy, healthy upbringing of the children. Unless you are ready and willing to take care of and respect a child as their own distinct, unique human being who is not your property or in any way an extension of you, do not have kids. Not adopted, not biological. Zero children.

I agree with your list. Of course, you can never fully judge a person's situation, but in my mom groups I often see women describe rotten and abusive marriages... only to announce another pregnancy a month or two later. :/ My own parents were guilty 'having kids to repair/strengthen a marriage' so I'm pretty sensitive to it.

I'm not a parent, but there are a lot of young kids in the family, as most of my cousins have kids of their own by now (I fall into an awkward spot where I'm about 10 years younger than my youngest cousin and about 10 years older as the oldest next generation kid).

All in all, there are 9 kids (ages 13, 12, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3 and 1) with whom I've spent varying amounts of time and who I've looked after. Youngest of them being my godson and almost criminally adorable.

I hope with what little experience I have, I've got something to say about children.

I'm the eldest of 6 kids and I helped out with my youngest two siblings a lot. It did teach me a fair few things, although there's such a difference between looking after other people's kids and having your own. I'm definitely grateful for the experience, though!

Pictures!

Anya helped make carrot cake cupcakes this weekend. I actually managed to capture a genuine smile (normally if I'm taking photos she gives this hilarious, but awful, grimace).

Niko climbing rocks at the beach. He has zero fear. If he falls, he usually picks himself back up without a sound. However, if Anya ever says 'no' to him (which is almost every day...), he bursts into tears.

[Sylphid]

I'm the eldest of 6 kids and I helped out with my youngest two siblings a lot. It did teach me a fair few things, although there's such a difference between looking after other people's kids and having your own. I'm definitely grateful for the experience, though!

Oh, I definitely agree. I can't imagine I've more than barely scraped the tip of the iceberg, though I expect what little experience I have will be useful in future.

I must say, Anya's smile is quite cute, she must have been excited about the cupcakes!

[Res]

Ok, now I'm FAR to young for kids, BUT, I adore them. There is no way me and my partner could get them naturally, since, well, I'm gay. So, I'm gonna have to adopt kids if I ever want one. So I really hope there are any more guys out there that would want the same thing as I. I also am a little bit afraid of adopting, but I suppose that will go away once I'm older.

I've come across dozens of gay couples who have adopted kids (or even had biological kids - those tend to mainly be lesbian couples using donor sperm, though) - to give you hope. :)

Oh, I definitely agree. I can't imagine I've more than barely scraped the tip of the iceberg, though I expect what little experience I have will be useful in future.

I must say, Anya's smile is quite cute, she must have been excited about the cupcakes!

It'll definitely be useful! As will your attitude. I had a similar attitude, and I think it saved me from a) nasty surprises, and b) being an insufferable know-it-all pre-parenthood. :) You'll go far in life!

And thank you - she does have a cute smile; I was lucky to capture it! She was really excited to make the cupcakes.

[Rezzy]

I'm not a parent, but there are a lot of young kids in the family, as most of my cousins have kids of their own by now (I fall into an awkward spot where I'm about 10 years younger than my youngest cousin and about 10 years older as the oldest next generation kid).

All in all, there are 9 kids (ages 13, 12, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3 and 1) with whom I've spent varying amounts of time and who I've looked after. Youngest of them being my godson and almost criminally adorable.

I hope with what little experience I have, I've got something to say about children.

Also, Rezzy and Papa Wolf, a fair warning since you're having your second one: Watch out for sibling jealousy. One of the kids in the family was the dearest little thing, but after he got his little sister, he could be a real handful (and I'm saying this aware that it could have been much worse). He became much more attention-seeking, he would change his opinions on the fly just to rival the little sister, try to keep all the toys to himself, etc...

I expect you already know this though, just saying it for good measure.

Hopefully jealousy isn't too big. It may be unavoidable to some extant, especially with a two year old, but I think having siblings will be an overall positive in the long run.

Ok, now I'm FAR to young for kids, BUT, I adore them. There is no way me and my partner could get them naturally, since, well, I'm gay. So, I'm gonna have to adopt kids if I ever want one. So I really hope there are any more guys out there that would want the same thing as I. I also am a little bit afraid of adopting, but I suppose that will go away once I'm older.

Adoption is definitely a great option and I considered it earlier, when I had the some biological realities you're facing. Another thing is I by no means want to try to assume anything about your sexual identity, but when I was your age, I thought I was strictly lesbian. Well, in my whole adolescent sexual confusion, my lesbian attractions were the strongest, but as I got older, I came to realize I was more in the bi range. I'm not saying you'll have the same thing I did, but it's a possibility.

That's awesome! I hope everything goes smoothly for him and for you.

Hi! Welcome!

4's been the magical age for Anya in terms of having the patience and skills needed for playing games. She had a few of the skills aged 3, but not the patience. ;) It's been fun! We've been playing Fire Emblem, although I still need to play that for her - the actual battles are still beyond her at this point.

It's been interesting to see what she is and isn't capable of. Some things I think she ought to get, she doesn't. But she also surprises me with what she does know! She showed me a game on my DS the other day I haven't played before and she was able to tell me the rules, and even said, 'this boss is really tough'. She's also a whiz at the various kids' games on her Kindle.

Minecraft is an example of a game that I think she ought to be able to play, but she's not quite there yet. She's learned the camera controls and can move around her environment and chop trees down, but she hasn't moved on to actually crafting anything just yet.

We also love board games in our family and she usually beats us at the two kids' board games we have - Take the Cake and My First Stone Age.

I agree with your list. Of course, you can never fully judge a person's situation, but in my mom groups I often see women describe rotten and abusive marriages... only to announce another pregnancy a month or two later. :/ My own parents were guilty 'having kids to repair/strengthen a marriage' so I'm pretty sensitive to it.

I'm the eldest of 6 kids and I helped out with my youngest two siblings a lot. It did teach me a fair few things, although there's such a difference between looking after other people's kids and having your own. I'm definitely grateful for the experience, though!

Pictures!

Anya helped make carrot cake cupcakes this weekend. I actually managed to capture a genuine smile (normally if I'm taking photos she gives this hilarious, but awful, grimace).

Niko climbing rocks at the beach. He has zero fear. If he falls, he usually picks himself back up without a sound. However, if Anya ever says 'no' to him (which is almost every day...), he bursts into tears.

Cute pictures. Leo's entered the terrible twos, now. I certainly enjoys pressing buttons on the 3DS and smashing the keyboard on the computer, but I don't think he's quite ready for proper gaming. He probably will be soon, though.

I've come across dozens of gay couples who have adopted kids (or even had biological kids - those tend to mainly be lesbian couples using donor sperm, though) - to give you hope. :)

It'll definitely be useful! As will your attitude. I had a similar attitude, and I think it saved me from a) nasty surprises, and b) being an insufferable know-it-all pre-parenthood. :) You'll go far in life!

And thank you - she does have a cute smile; I was lucky to capture it! She was really excited to make the cupcakes.

When I was in a lesbian relationship and was considering adoption, I never really considered in vitro. It just seems like it would have certain psychological implications in the relationship. With adoption, you're on equal footing, but with donor sperm, one of you is the "mom" and the other parent is an outsider, so to speak. I'd be perfectly fine with adoption, or even adopting an existing child of my partners, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle my girlfriend/wife having a baby of her own from the beginning, with me just being the step-mom or whatever, and I don't think it would be fair for me to have the reverse, and I might subconsciously be thinking my wife didn't love my baby as much as I did. I'm probably a terrible person for voicing that, but I just think it would do more harm than good there, even if you try to act like it wouldn't. I just think adoption is a better option in that situation.