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Serenes Forest Scribbles 2016. Winners announced!


Tangerine
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Nah, I wouldn't want to cause more work for you and/or Jyosua just because minor formatting details didn't go through. Not having the italics doesn't really change the story.

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2 hours ago, Sunwoo said:

Thanks to both you and Jyosua, Tangerine, for getting this done even with all of the stuff going on.

This. Absolutely this. Thanks to all your efforts, both of you--on organizing this Scribbles stuff and elsewhere.

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A Greater Cause feedback,

Spoiler

Overall a good story with a nice clear message but the writing is a little patchy. The biggest problem is how frequently Lucia's name is mentioned. It feels like it's every sentence or close to it. Pronouns are there for a reason. We know who the main character is, it doesn't need to be reasserted so much. Especially when she's the only female in the story. There's some other minor things like using the word primal to finish two consecutive scenes or saying it was the sword she used 'moments' ago when she's had enough time to run to her room, change clothes, freak out and wash herself. Don't take the criticism to harshly though it's mostly just pedantic over anaylisis. Overall the story was enjoyable.

 

Edited by Jotari
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28 minutes ago, Jotari said:

A Greater Cause feedback,

  Reveal hidden contents

Overall a good story with a nice clear message but the writing is a little patchy. The biggest problem is how frequently Lucia's name is mentioned. It feels like it's every sentence or close to it. Pronouns are there for a reason. We know who the main character is, it doesn't need to be reasserted so much. Especially when she's the only female in the story. There's some other minor things like using the word primal to finish to consecutive scenes or saying it was the sword she used 'moments' ago when she's had enough time to run to her room, change clothes, freak out and wash herself. Don't take the criticism to harshly though it's mostly just pedantic over anaylisis. Overall the story was enjoyable.

 

Looked over the gallery last night. There's some great stuff out there. :)

@Jotari Well, the fact you even read it means something to me.

Your comments are noted. I mean I know the writing is second-rate at best, even before I read your comment. Matter of fact, I almost withdrew it as an entry because I thought it was so bad I'd be laughed out of the contest. I'd go through and change it (or even delete it) but someone did a reading of it, so I decided against it. But anyway, your criticisms are noted and I'd even way warranted

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Plenty of written entries without descriptions, I made a list of which games they’re focused on for anyone interested:

A Shiver from Beyond

  • ·         Blazing Sword

A Soulweaver’s Journey

  • ·         Fates

Anna's Surprise

  • ·         Awakening

Azel’s Epilogue

  • ·         Inspired by the fanfic “While you were sleeping” by Mark of the Asphodel (author’s note)

Battle of Alucia

  • ·         Original Setting

Beyond the Horizon

  • ·         Blazing Sword

Cages

  • ·         Fates

Fairy Tale Ending

  • ·        Genealogy of the Holy War

Fire Emblem Echoes from Time

  • ·         Some future with Chiki/Tiki

Fire Emblem Generations

  • Blazing Sword

Grief and Resolve

  •    Fates

Hatari Investigations – An Interactive Adventure

  • Radiant Dawn

Historian of Johanna

  •  The Sacred Stones

I’d Do Anything

  • Fates

In His Lonely Footsteps

  • (New) Mystery of the Emblem

No Longer “Human”

  • Path of Radiance

Pray to the Dark

  • Fates

The Path of Conquest and Dragon Pokémon

  • Fates

The Prince of Verdane

  • Genealogy of the Holy War

The Value of Refuse

  • Blazing Sword

too much, not enough

  • Blazing Sword

Edited by Mr_Gency
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"Fairy Tale Ending" takes place in Jugdral/FE4. "Battle of Alucia" seems to take place in an original continent.

EDIT: My gosh, the italics are fixed on mine! Tangerine and Jyosua, you guys are the best.

Edited by Sunwoo
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Yeah it is on a fictionnal continent.

Oh boy, I should've check my story another time before giving it to Tangerine (so many typos) but oh well.

Yeah the italic doen't work for my story but at least I didn't use it a lot.

The bold text is gone too LOL

Edited by Nym
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Yup, I think next time we're just going to make using google docs or something for written works a requirement, since that way it'll be presented without us needing to manually add the formatting. It didn't occur to me it'd be an issue for ones written on the SF forum because we used the forum for the event last year, which means everything pasted over without an issue.

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1 hour ago, Tangerine said:

Yup, I think next time we're just going to make using google docs or something for written works a requirement, since that way it'll be presented without us needing to manually add the formatting. It didn't occur to me it'd be an issue for ones written on the SF forum because we used the forum for the event last year, which means everything pasted over without an issue.

Speaking of next time, what if every entry had its own thread, and the gallery thumbnails led to those instead of a Disqus? That way only 1 image will show up in the gallery per entry, but the thread itself can house additional pictures, and you get to keep the random order feature of the gallery.

Edited by Qilin
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3 hours ago, Tangerine said:

Yup, I think next time we're just going to make using google docs or something for written works a requirement, since that way it'll be presented without us needing to manually add the formatting. It didn't occur to me it'd be an issue for ones written on the SF forum because we used the forum for the event last year, which means everything pasted over without an issue.

Or, no special formatting.  I'd rather not create a separate Google account specifically for Scribbles, if I can help it.

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46 minutes ago, eclipse said:

Or, no special formatting.  I'd rather not create a separate Google account specifically for Scribbles, if I can help it.

It wouldn't have to be google docs, it could be anywhere you can upload a story we can link to with the formatting you want.

@Qilin yeah, that's a possibility too, although I wonder how many people would comment if it's not our primary method of viewing the submissions.

Edited by Tangerine
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9 hours ago, TheFreelancerSeal said:

Looked over the gallery last night. There's some great stuff out there. :)

@Jotari Well, the fact you even read it means something to me.

 

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Your comments are noted. I mean I know the writing is second-rate at best, even before I read your comment. Matter of fact, I almost withdrew it as an entry because I thought it was so bad I'd be laughed out of the contest. I'd go through and change it (or even delete it) but someone did a reading of it, so I decided against it. But anyway, your criticisms are noted and I'd even way warranted

 

Oh hey I wouldn't describe it as second rate at all. It was perfectly acceptable and deserves to be in the contest. I'm sure there'll be much worse things down the line. I plan on making such comments for every entry. In fact if I have nothing to say on a submission it's probably a bad sign.

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@Jotari, if you're going to comment, do so on all of them.  That way, you're not indirectly telling people that they suck.  While it probably wasn't your intention, that's how it can be misread.

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4 minutes ago, eclipse said:

@Jotari, if you're going to comment, do so on all of them.  That way, you're not indirectly telling people that they suck.  While it probably wasn't your intention, that's how it can be misread.

Well I might honestly have nothing of value to say on certain submissions, one way or the other. Can't really force yourself to have an opinion.

Edited by Jotari
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5 minutes ago, Jotari said:

Well I might honestly have nothing of value to say on certain submissions, one way or the other. Can't really force yourself to have an opinion.

While that's a fair point, it's not necessarily a "bad sign", which is what you said earlier.

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1 hour ago, Jotari said:

Oh hey I wouldn't describe it as second rate at all. It was perfectly acceptable and deserves to be in the contest. I'm sure there'll be much worse things down the line. I plan on making such comments for every entry. In fact if I have nothing to say on a submission it's probably a bad sign.

Well, one thing about my work. I'm extremely critical of it. So, yeah, I tend to think of everything I write as second rate. Plus, there's so many other great pieces submitted from much better writers than myself.

Of course, I don't really care if I win or lose.

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Been such a busy work week, I've barely had time to do much, but I'm happy to see the gallery up now. Thanks for the efforts of all involved, hopefully Jyosua feels better soon! Now to look through all these wonderful submissions~!

Btw, I did send in a description for my piece but it doesn't seem to have made it in. Nor did the italics....but its not absolutely necessary. I'm just happy to see my story up there despite submitting it literally a minute before the cut off time. XD

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A Shiver From Beyond the Grave

Spoiler

Don't be afraid to use the word "Said." It can certainly be overused and looks very hackneyed when it is but it can be under used too. Replacing it with words like "Comforted" or "Chastised" works every now and then but too much makes the writing seem stiff and unnatural. The scene where they say goodbye to Hugh probably works best in this regard as it describes expressions before going on to say who's talking.

I don't see any point of the scene where they wake up on the mountain. It just reasserts already known information (and in a very expository way with the lines like "My pursuit for knowledge is never ending" said to a character who knows this full well and is criticising him for that trait) and doesn't add anything new. You might need something there so they don't arrive at the shrine too quickly but it needs to be something of value. In fact the story might better off if you cut the entire beginning entirely and just start at the shrine. Aside from establishing Hugh is in the town, nothing before hand is really all that vital and that is where the action begins so to speak.

On the good side, there were some pretty good descriptions, particularly in the second half. I'm also quite fond of fanfics that can solidly fit in canon, describing events implied or mentioned in the series but never actually seen.

 

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