Nym Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) For those who have Doc, I made another version of Battle of Alucia, you can see it as some kind of corrected version (for the tense and grammar mistakes). It also has bold and italic text that got deleted for some reasons. Spoiler https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Sezyi3TIBtAye3iixVrECd8MxEFHXeDd-Gp2aW4HLFk/edit?usp=sharing Edited March 27, 2017 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) 17 hours ago, eclipse said: The font is bigger, which helps. However, it's still too flowery for me to read. Something boring like Arial/Times New Roman would help a lot. Switched to Arial and made ever so slightly smaller as Arial is a naturally bigger font than Corsiva - the Doc remains at 13 pages, with a little over 11 pages of actual story plus a one-page intro Also, if anyone has any questions about my entry or the story behind it, feel free to either ask them here or PM them to me! Edited March 27, 2017 by SoulWeaver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said: Switched to Arial and made ever so slightly smaller as Arial is a naturally bigger font than Corsiva - the Doc remains at 13 pages, with a little over 11 pages of actual story plus a one-page intro Also, if anyone has any questions about my entry or the story behind it, feel free to either ask them here or PM them to me! That's better, thanks! The lack of paragraph breaks means that it's taking me a lot longer than normal to read through it, but it's a lot better than squinting at my screen. I'll keep my thoughts about the actual writing to myself until after voting (which I'm doing for all pieces). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 5 hours ago, eclipse said: That's better, thanks! The lack of paragraph breaks means that it's taking me a lot longer than normal to read through it, but it's a lot better than squinting at my screen. I'll keep my thoughts about the actual writing to myself until after voting (which I'm doing for all pieces). Erp. I totally spaced on paragraph breaks - hit Tab whenever there's supposed to be one, just forgot the actual breaks…is it too late to add those? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 28, 2017 Share Posted March 28, 2017 1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said: Erp. I totally spaced on paragraph breaks - hit Tab whenever there's supposed to be one, just forgot the actual breaks…is it too late to add those? That's a question for @Tangerine to answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted March 28, 2017 Author Share Posted March 28, 2017 (edited) You're free to break up the paragraphs. We don't typically allow edits this late, but I'm going to assume that a lot of people won't bother to read a wall of text, so I think it's fine. Plus you're not really working on the story or making changes, just making it more readable. Edited March 28, 2017 by Tangerine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qilin Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) On 3/23/2017 at 3:29 PM, Crushie said: Huge thanks to Tangerine and Jyosua for managing this contest despite your circumstances! It's always such a bliss seeing how creative a fanbase can be. Hope you guys are doing better now! And wow that Nyx sculpture is cool as hell and someone sure took their time to sculpt that butt ey . I am so astounded with the creativity and varying techniques of the entries in the gallery in general Thanks. Yeah, I knew there was no way a paintbrush can have enough moving room to do any detailing there, so I made sure it had enough contours to let natural lighting do the job instead. Edited March 29, 2017 by Qilin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulWeaver Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Erp. Just remembered @Jotari also wanted to know when I fixed the format on my entry. It's fixed now, read away, and if any of you have any questions - character background, storyline idea, whattheheckhappenedwhyaretheyactinglikeElisewastherewhenMikotodiedandareyoudoingthistoEVERYFireEmblemgame, that sort of thing - fire away, either here or in my PMs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotari Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) 7 hours ago, SoulWeaver said: Erp. Just remembered @Jotari also wanted to know when I fixed the format on my entry. It's fixed now, read away, and if any of you have any questions - character background, storyline idea, whattheheckhappenedwhyaretheyactinglikeElisewastherewhenMikotodiedandareyoudoingthistoEVERYFireEmblemgame, that sort of thing - fire away, either here or in my PMs. I'll get to it eventually. I'd like to say I was busy this weekend (by that I mean Monday, Tuesday) but really I just procrastinated reading any stories. Dragon Son Spoiler Be careful with the flowery language. It can add a certain amount of style but overuse of it can seem very unnatural. Nothing is really added to the story by saying "they reconnoitred Roy's room" over "they searched Roy's room". The second is not only easier understood by the reader but also more accurate. Overall this was a very long story. Far longer than it needs to be. Most of the stories so far have been about 7,000 words by my estimate, this was over 17,000 and it really didn't need to be. It also lost a bit of focus by starting it's view point with Lillina, then moving to Eliwood and then on to Roy (but generally focusing on everyone). Unless you have reason to swap between viewpoints, you generally shouldn't do it. It could have been a story told entirely through Roy or Eliwood's eyes but by splitting the focus in the opening scenes and introducing the story through Lillina's eyes, you made it a lot less clear what the story is actually about. By far it was at its strongest during the middle when the entire cast was gathered together and actually exploring an issue, rather than wandering around having cameos from FE6 characters. I think if that section was presented in isolation with only some mild context editing at the start, it would be a better piece than the overall work. Not that the other bits are bad pre se (I rathe like Eliwood's conversation with Guinevere), it's just that I think the story lacks cohesion overall and becomes bloated with so many non crucial scenes. I also question why Eliwood didn't immediately tell Roy his mother was a dragon when he was freaking out thinking he was being cursed or punished for using the legendary weapons. Edited March 29, 2017 by Jotari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qilin Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 @Tangerine when does voting begin? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 The Fates/Pokémon made me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) I think we all agreed that at least a week - a week and a half was the best amount of time to wait before reveal and voting last time, since it takes longer to read and digest stories than it does pictures. So we can probably start voting in a few days, probably a little ways into April. Edited March 29, 2017 by Tangerine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotari Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 How long is voting expected to last? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) We should only need to do one round of voting this time since the categories are split, so I imagine we'd be stretching it at a week, but that seems like a fair amount of time. I'll do the raffles during the days that voting is taking place as well. Edited March 30, 2017 by Tangerine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpareTimeEntertainment Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 21 hours ago, Jotari said: I'll get to it eventually. I'd like to say I was busy this weekend (by that I mean Monday, Tuesday) but really I just procrastinated reading any stories. Dragon Son Reveal hidden contents Be careful with the flowery language. It can add a certain amount of style but overuse of it can seem very unnatural. Nothing is really added to the story by saying "they reconnoitred Roy's room" over "they searched Roy's room". The second is not only easier understood by the reader but also more accurate. Overall this was a very long story. Far longer than it needs to be. Most of the stories so far have been about 7,000 words by my estimate, this was over 17,000 and it really didn't need to be. It also lost a bit of focus by starting it's view point with Lillina, then moving to Eliwood and then on to Roy (but generally focusing on everyone). Unless you have reason to swap between viewpoints, you generally shouldn't do it. It could have been a story told entirely through Roy or Eliwood's eyes but by splitting the focus in the opening scenes and introducing the story through Lillina's eyes, you made it a lot less clear what the story is actually about. By far it was at its strongest during the middle when the entire cast was gathered together and actually exploring an issue, rather than wandering around having cameos from FE6 characters. I think if that section was presented in isolation with only some mild context editing at the start, it would be a better piece than the overall work. Not that the other bits are bad pre se (I rathe like Eliwood's conversation with Guinevere), it's just that I think the story lacks cohesion overall and becomes bloated with so many non crucial scenes. I also question why Eliwood didn't immediately tell Roy his mother was a dragon when he was freaking out thinking he was being cursed or punished for using the legendary weapons. Thank you so much for your very honest feedback! I must admit that you've touched upon several aspects of my work that I myself worry about. My language, as you've pointed out, is flowery to the point of romantic, and while I try to tone it down in original writing, when it comes to writing this kind of story I always allow myself to get hopelessly lost in the sentiment of it all. My work then inevitably becomes excessive in its length, tone, and language (my other big FE story is 41k words long!), and restraint becomes something I need to exercise more of. In all those cameos, all those scenes which seem unnecessary, I simply wanted to illustrate very clearly how this world feels, since FE6 left the actual details of postwar Lycia a near-total mystery. Admittedly, it is a creative indulgence I should probably have kept to a minimum. You're right also in that I do need to better work on justifying changes in perspective and clarity of characterisation - I thought I had both locked down for this one, but I'm welcome to having flaws highlighted. Trust me, as someone who works in theatre I understand the benefits of a 90-minute show with no fluff as opposed to a three-hour affair with two intervals! I simply enjoyed telling the story a bit too much to let it go. You have given me much to think about, and I thank you sincerely for taking the time to go through it all - I hope it did give you some measure of enjoyment! Truly, much love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotari Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 11 minutes ago, SpareTimeEntertainment said: Thank you so much for your very honest feedback! I must admit that you've touched upon several aspects of my work that I myself worry about. My language, as you've pointed out, is flowery to the point of romantic, and while I try to tone it down in original writing, when it comes to writing this kind of story I always allow myself to get hopelessly lost in the sentiment of it all. My work then inevitably becomes excessive in its length, tone, and language (my other big FE story is 41k words long!), and restraint becomes something I need to exercise more of. In all those cameos, all those scenes which seem unnecessary, I simply wanted to illustrate very clearly how this world feels, since FE6 left the actual details of postwar Lycia a near-total mystery. Admittedly, it is a creative indulgence I should probably have kept to a minimum. You're right also in that I do need to better work on justifying changes in perspective and clarity of characterisation - I thought I had both locked down for this one, but I'm welcome to having flaws highlighted. Trust me, as someone who works in theatre I understand the benefits of a 90-minute show with no fluff as opposed to a three-hour affair with two intervals! I simply enjoyed telling the story a bit too much to let it go. You have given me much to think about, and I thank you sincerely for taking the time to go through it all - I hope it did give you some measure of enjoyment! Truly, much love. Haha. Yeah I really got the impression you were enjoying writing it and just couldn't stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qilin Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 17 hours ago, Tangerine said: We should only need to do one round of voting this time since the categories are split, so I imagine we'd be stretching it at a week, but that seems like a fair amount of time. I'll do the raffles during the days that voting is taking place as well. Thanks, sounds great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Just realize the bold and italic texts are back for my story, thanks to whoever fixed the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentChloey Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I can't wait to see how everyone goes I enjoyed a few of the stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qilin Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I have a bug to report about the gallery. The draws section thumbnail order appears to be random as intended, but does not appear to maintain that order once you open the page of the artwork to view the full image. There are 30 single image entries, if you click the first one that shows up to view it in full, and then click "next" on that page to browse through the gallery, it does not necessarily go through all 30 before moving on to the misc entries. Also, the YouTube entry doesn't even show up. The thumbnail page seems to be working perfectly fine though. It's easy enough to be aware of the bug and to circumvent it by just browsing the thumbnail page instead, but I thought I may as well bring it to light. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotari Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 (edited) Echoes From Time Spoiler Futureristic Fire Emblem makes for a nice breath of fresh air, though I feel like the stories missing a bit of meat to it. It's just some brief battle scenes. Not bad per se but jut not really impactful. Also think you missed a great opportunity to establish the time frame by describing Tiki with a more aged appearance. And die Aeon somehow manage to forget she was armed when she was first cornered? Fire Emblem Generations Spoiler Seems strange you'd specify Hecto's wife but not Eliwood. It also seems illogical that he'd stop to put on his armour when he sees a fire. It's not really the most practical thing for fighting flames and it takes a while to put on. History of Johanna Spoiler Be careful with tenses. There was a lot of mixing between past and present her for no discernible reason. In His Lonely Footsteps Spoiler Good physical description of Nabarl and a great twist. Unfortunately though after given it like half a minute worth of thought I cam to the conclusion that the twist means the first half of the story makes no sense. I also feel like if someone hasn't played the game then they'd be a little lost. You might also want to work on giveing a sense of setting better too. Aside from the first few lines the characters could be seaking in a void of nothingness for what it's worth. No Longer Human Spoiler Why did Ziharkvthrow away his iron sword? I get that you wanted him to get tge Killing Edge but...swords still cost money. Its really strange for someone to throw their weapon right off a cliff even as a show of peace, given the context at any rate. I found some of the references to other characters very contrived, with the exception of Haar. His role in the story, while brief, managed to come across as very nuanced and complex. And made good sense in being present. Edited April 5, 2017 by Jotari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 Gonna start voting up on the 7th! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Into Oblivion Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) So, this being my first time, how does this work? Do we vote here or somewhere else? Anyway, no matter the results, I'm glad I entered. :) It'll be a fond memento of my first and last Scribbles contest. Edited April 7, 2017 by TheFreelancerSeal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I'll be making three separate voting threads and pinning them. Next time I hope to have voting done outside of the forum so people don't need to have a registered account to vote (and can preferably vote on the same page the submissions themselves are on), but we had to cancel plans to do it this year due to our string of bad luck lol. Almost done with the threads, should be up within the next hour or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) Voting is up! Multiple choice like last year, vote for whatever you like! So many great submissions lol, tough! Edited April 7, 2017 by Tangerine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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