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Parrhesia

Let's Play Final Fantasy Tactics (WOTL): The Nadir of Videogames

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good news lads I figured out the issue with missing images!

Gyazo saves modestly big images as JPGs now instead of PNGs which broke my System.

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Update 41
In Which Tom Slattery Declares Talk Like a Pirate Day

Spoiler

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On the road to Limberry.

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You can tell her to fuck off, but I don't want the laboured Final Fantasy 7 reference to drag on longer than it really has to.

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If you do, she just walks off and the scene ends.

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Aaand yep that's the only thing that happens in Sal Ghidos. Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted.

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Get ready for the most embarrassing string of dialogue in the series!

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I hope Tom Slattery is ashamed of himself.

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Pictured: a thief who discovered that crime triggers counter.

Glad he fucked it up, though. Stealing Excalibur would've been a reset.

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This map is full of shitty godawful sightlines.

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Needless dilemmas. Portia, on 91 health, is about to eat an Aim +4 in the face and will probably die. Unlike in all other TBSes, Agrias can't see how much she can heal her for with Chakra (all I know is she has bad compatibility, so it's somewhat less than the 65 she heals herself), and in order to move to the Archer to see if she can one-shot him will commit to her being elsewhere and thus means she can't take the safe option.

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I take the safe option.

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I'm juuuust starting to get cocky when some fucking archer with, it turns out, the knight skillset, breaks the irreplaceable Mirage Vest worn by Portia.

Sighing, I reset. If anything, I've gotten lucky with crime and vandalism (vandalism being the only skills available to knights, of which we have literally fought fifty-three thus far) this playthrough. It's probably only happened a single-digit number of times.

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Attempt 2 begins with overconfidence.

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Let's kick some ice.

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I really wish I hadn't talked shit about the difficulty curve.

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Entice is weird. It's either the big-shot high-risk 'we need a huge swing in our favour' play, or it's the no-risk late-in-won-battle 'we may as well roll the dice on getting all their gear' play.

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Anyway, Excalibur. No dialogue to end the mission.

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Sorry Solyeuse. You were really pretty great for us for a while.

Let's go one tile south to Lake Poescas for another essentially random battle!

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mad ghosts

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Monsters are bad.

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Hallowed Bolt, meanwhile, is insanely fucking good.

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Guns? Guns are also quite good.

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No dialogue for this, either. Bit of filler today, for... three map events. Still, don't worry - next time won't disappoint.

KILL COUNTER
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Archers extend their lead in second place while the fourth-placed Everything Else gets one step closer to reaching Black Magi.

 

 

Edited by Parrhesia

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Aerith is admittedly one character I'd rather not see or hear speaking Old English unless she was doing it to mock someone by virtue of her regular personality. Because she would I bet. ' 3'

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Update 42
In Which Limberry

Spoiler

 

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It's ya boy, Loffrey!

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Dycedarg's a pretender to the true throne of PC invulnerability. Really, he's nothing more than a mid-boss.

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Things to take away from this: Zalbaag went along with Dycedarg's plan to cover up the murder. What the fuck, Zalbaag?

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Well, given that the Northern Sky - the north's entire onstage force - was just explicitly killed by explicitly nonlethal chemical weapons, I doubt that.

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Oh, Loffers! You're such a flirt!

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i wonder what other person standing in dycedargs way to power died of some sort of mysterious illness

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But why settle for just implying it?

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When you can just directly accuse them in the most roundabout way possible?
"So this poison, right. Kills people slowly apart from when the plot decides it crushes entire armies."
"Yup."
"Kind of has the symptoms of an illness. Slow-burning illness."
"Yup."
"Your, ah, your dad, right? He, too, died of some kind of."
"Yup."
"Slow-burning."
"Yup."
"Illness."
"Yup."
"And the whole poison thing. You've somehow fucked up enough to have like. A reputation. A poisonous (heh) reputation. For poisoning dudes."
"Yup."
"So hypothetically."
"Yup."
"This poison, right."
"Yup."
"Well, your dad's illness which has poison symptoms, with you, a poisoner..."

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Oh, Dycedarg.

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Dycedarg ellipses again.

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You know who's a good vessel for this godlike power? This hostile backstabber who leads a force directly in opposition to your own.

It pans to the other side of the door!

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Busted!

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So then, to Limberry!

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The game decides to tell us we're going to fight a Lucavi in this chain of fights because... ?

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But not yet. We're rumbled, first.

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Mercurio sure fuckin' has, everyone else had the good sense to hang back! The objective is listed as being to 'kill all enemies'.

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Two actions in, we find out that it isn't.

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I'm glad the game lies to us.

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I forgot she was here honestly.

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So Dycedarg gets the stone because they literally ran out of dudes.

You'd think. Except that Loffrey, Meliadoul (who might be invalid for reasons we'll see), this dude we haven't seen called Cletienne, the new Pope? Hell, they could give Delita one! You know, all these people actually working for them? They don't have rocks.

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is what I was going to say but apparently Adremawhatever isn't impressed by any of those options.

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haha about that......

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So yeah Alma is the chosen host of Reverse Jesus for some reason.

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Man, the assassins sure are sprightly for people we just killed.

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"look killing lucavi is literally the only agency he is permitted to have, don't underestimate him bro"

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bye

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Sephiroth screams at the thin air like a moron.

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It's all on the line here, in dipshit hallway.

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Sephiroth was definitely someone's OC. He has the entire Genji set, the best katana in the game, and none of it can be stolen because, haha, fuck it! Also he is a vampire who can teleport across the map for some reason? He also can cheat, like us, and avoids 70% of all physical attacks.

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And then there's these two, and can't just end the fight by killing them, of course. We shoot Lettie as our first move.

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haha

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Selkie's confused, a problem Lettie helpfully solves by murdering her.

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Agrias is our best weapon against him, as she always hits with all her attacks.

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It's a good thing that Celia can Stop at 100% accuracy from range with no charge time!

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Oh yeah and if you kill one of the assassins she just comes back as a demon because Fuck You.

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Thurio misses a 90% because fuck it it's that kind of day.

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Fuck this fight.

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Fuck this game.

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And fuck you, Tom Slattery. Fuck you.

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Merc/thurio are both Doomed so the AI is coded to ignore them and retreat and fuck it.

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Our second run begins in promising fashion.

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SO CLOSE.

We just go all-out for unblockable damage - it's all we have. It is ALL we HAVE.

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And then the game decides critical damage is enough. All we had to do was hope the dice went in our favour. There was absolutely no skill involved.

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I HATE YOU, FINAL FANTASY TACTICS.

KILL COUNTER
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We've now killed as many of Celia/Lettie as we have ninjas. We've now killed more of Celia/Lettie than monks, time magi or dragoons in isolation, or ninjas discounting Delita adventures. Mystics, orators, chemists, white magi, samurai, maths, bards, Actual Dancers, mimes... we've killed eight of them, all added up together. And eight of Celia/Lettie.

 

 

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You know, I just noticed this now despite that it barely ever comes into play.

Celia and Lettie have 7 Jump.

7 fucking Jump.

 

I mean I get it. But Jesus bro.

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Really, going from a seven-jump murderdancer to a two-jump daemon is probably a record for loss of vertical movement in videogame history. Someone page Guinness.

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Yeah, imagine doing this doing 0 sideventure. No tavern jobs, no grinding, nothin'. This fight is literally "Not using Cid? Die.". It was exactly this fight where I stopped giving a shit. In fact, the fight often starts with Elmdor exploding most of my team as the first action of the fight. I then have to pray dice damage rolled low, and people didn't succumb to vampirism. Then I have to hope they and Cid can combine to do enough damage to kill Elmdor in response. If they don't, I'm dead. 

This was the fight that convinced me never to play FFT like this ever again. Or, maybe just never play FFT again. Ivalice has better games.

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Yeah, I've been grinding a fair bit through the first three acts and even then the level curve has always been a step ahead. Around this point chronologically I have to grind a bit more just to top everyone up to level 34, since you get another speed point there - and all enemies having one more speed than all of your guys isn't a good place to be.

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Update 43
In Which More Limberry

Spoiler

 

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Why not? Why can't he just keep teleporting forever?

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But WOTL, in a version-exclusive, has one more surprise for us. Though for a version exclusive you'd think the map would manage to not just be the North Wall of Besselat but paler.

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Hahahahaha. Yeah they looked at the one villain you actually managed to kill in one attempt and were like, 'yeah, that's not in our design documents'. Also because fuck subtlety he's wearing Mercurio's Act 2/3 outfit but in a spooky wine red.

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How could you possibly think that, Mercurio? You really think that hacking his skull open and leaving him in the blast radius of a massive explosion would be enough to kill a guy who dropped in a mild breeze when he was our guest?

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And then he starts summoning demons because... fuck it, Act 4! This is how it rolls!

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Argath does a celebratory Slav Squat.

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After being resurrected by the church, Argath has become a near-atheist. He's also now extremely brave. After being... the diametric opposite, when we killed him. His low faith is aided by mirror mail. Oh no!!

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Sadly we don't quite kill him fast enough to stop him talking.

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There's that word again.

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Bye Argath.

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Mercurio just sort of pretending that never happened.

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Moving swiftly onwards, here's Mercurio trying to get Elmdore to release Alma!

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oh no!!

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ghost friends

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Presenting: CYBORG WASP IN NECK BRACE.

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For some reason Rude Knight shows up. We do not acknowledge her in any way, but she is a guest.

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One sleep, two dooms. Guess we're just gonna rush this one, eh lads.

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Helpfully Rude Knight immediately wakes Mercurio up with dialogue. We're struggling to talk her round, get her to see sense.

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So, translated from the 'talking like a cunt', it's "Folmarv's other kid, so like her brother in lacking her father's spirit."

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So now that all ambiguity has been solved, Rude Knight will help evaporate every skeleton for us.

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There's no real way to do this methodically, you really do just need to rush.

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WAKE UP JEFF

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Mercurio chats some more with Rude Knight on his turn.

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Huh. So these 'knights' are actually their own special class. 'Swordplay' isn't the usual knight command (which is Arts of War), and I'm almost positive the two names are unique. The brave/faith values are off by 1 from each other, which is almost definitely not a coincidence, too. Oh, and the lower-level one has one more attack power.

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They're still going in the knight section of the kill counter, though.

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It is. Happening. Again.
It is. Happening. Again.

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Thurio pastes him, though.

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I like how even the knight's looking on, like, 'huh, let's see how this plays out'.

KILL COUNTER
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But we're on the home stretch, people. There's not long left now.

 

 

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You could steal Elmdor's gear in the PSX version. Dunno why they removed that.

Also a question, are you tackling Deep Dungeon/whatever it's called in WotL?

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Wow, really?

I never played WotL version. They really just added another fight to shoehorn Argath again for no reason? 

Also, that really does point out how stupid the Faith/Brave design is. In order to make a boss harder, you have to actually go against things that make sense in the story. 

Part of me actually wonders though what it would have been like if Argath wasn't killed at the fort. Maybe he was given that power to lead there (which makes no sense as you pointed out) for reasons that could have been explained later (he could have been a scapegoat. He probably was, but it's not even mentioned). He gets used as a scapegoat, Argath becomes an even more bitter resentful hateful prick, and then works as an antithesis to Delita. Not against Delita specifically, but more like trying to attain the same goal on Larg's side of the field, but in a much worse way (and still earns him a place in history as one of the shittiest people). Hell, he could have been the guy who introduces us to Lord Killstolen, so that portion of story isn't just suddenly thrust into your face like it was. Maybe he continues playing Dycedarg's patsie, where he gets the chance to backstab Larg. The templar go to him and plant the idea to set it up to make it look like Dyce's plot due to the fungal poison. Then maybe his appearance here would make sense maybe.

Instead of "the bishops made me a spooky ghost! I have no faith despite this, and I exist solely to shit in your cereal! Boss fight time!". As it stands, Argath isn't a sympathetic character. He's not a character worth revisiting after he dies. He's so forced here that it's hilarious. It's weird to think how Argath's character has potential since he is unique in this weird world. Everyone has some sort of motive or goal. Argath is aimlessly spiteful. After being given a chance to play with royals again, only to be treated as a scapegoat? At that point, he would probably just hate everybody, and that could lead to interesting story development (that I wouldn't trust these writers with, seeing as how horribly they handle anything even remotely dark). 

I dunno. I'm probably very wrong. Just so surprised they brought back Argath for something so pointless.

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38 minutes ago, SoloCross said:

You could steal Elmdor's gear in the PSX version. Dunno why they removed that.

Also a question, are you tackling Deep Dungeon/whatever it's called in WotL?

I could be wrong but I think in the Japanese PS1 it was also not stealable. This incidentally leads to Samurai never being able to use their best couple of abilities, since they're tied to unattainable katanas.

Probably not unless there's a lot of demand. I don't know much about it.

And yeah Argath's return is insanely dumb.

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Really they just brought him back so you would feel good about kicking his face in again because he's such a little shitter.

Catharsis factor and nothing more.

 

Hey sometimes it works. :E

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So now I believe Rude Knight joins you, right? This is the next bit of why I dislike this game playing it straight through like I did. Once these knights join, the effort to seriously training your generic mooks feel pointless. When you are playing that barebones where you need so much JP to learn certain skills, it really feels like it takes too much time for generics to get anything worthwhile in later classes. By the time you would, the knights start joining. Most with stupid good abilities already learned, and can learn more stupid good abilities. Also, a little pattern in lategame maps that I'm sure you're starting to notice around now.

Don't maps feel smaller now? 

(PS: I'm a dork that read through your FFTA2 playthrough. Lots of fun, enjoyed the bits where you roleplay wrote as other members in the force. Actually makes me want to do the same, though I'm FAR worse at making a playthrough entertaining. Tried several playthroughs, and I'm too long in the tooth/unable to be concise on choosing what details to talk about. I also just dislike emulation).

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1 hour ago, grandjackal said:

So now I believe Rude Knight joins you, right? This is the next bit of why I dislike this game playing it straight through like I did. Once these knights join, the effort to seriously training your generic mooks feel pointless. When you are playing that barebones where you need so much JP to learn certain skills, it really feels like it takes too much time for generics to get anything worthwhile in later classes. By the time you would, the knights start joining. Most with stupid good abilities already learned, and can learn more stupid good abilities. Also, a little pattern in lategame maps that I'm sure you're starting to notice around now.

Don't maps feel smaller now? 

(PS: I'm a dork that read through your FFTA2 playthrough. Lots of fun, enjoyed the bits where you roleplay wrote as other members in the force. Actually makes me want to do the same, though I'm FAR worse at making a playthrough entertaining. Tried several playthroughs, and I'm too long in the tooth/unable to be concise on choosing what details to talk about. I also just dislike emulation).

Yeah, it's a real issue that your baseline guys, who were sort of crap incomplete cygnets for so long and are finally coming into their power... and yet Cid and to a lesser extent Rude Knight blow them out of the water. The optimal thing to do would be to drop Selkie and Portia - sure, they're interesting, but Act 4 just gives you such big numbers that what's the point in a unit that's just interesting and pretty good? Most failstates stem from one of them dying.

And yeah, you're right. They're all tiny arenas and usually just include a boss-snipe. There's one notable late exception at least, but...

Also, thanks!

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1 hour ago, Mage Knight 404 said:

Really they just brought him back so you would feel good about kicking his face in again because he's such a little shitter.

Catharsis factor and nothing more.

 

Hey sometimes it works. :E

There's actually a multiplayer map where you fight nothing but Argaths (I think 13 of them...) so...

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3 hours ago, Parrhesia said:

Probably not unless there's a lot of demand. I don't know much about it.

I mean, you didn't even do the bonus dungeon of FFTA2, which happens to be A Good Game™.

Or at least you believe it to be so, before playing through Brightmoon Tor.

That being said, I too know nothing about the bonus dungeon, except that it has legitimately sick gear for you to steal or otherwise acquire, and goes up to Lv. 99 or s/t?

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4 hours ago, Parrhesia said:

I could be wrong but I think in the Japanese PS1 it was also not stealable. This incidentally leads to Samurai never being able to use their best couple of abilities, since they're tied to unattainable katanas.

Probably not unless there's a lot of demand. I don't know much about it.

And yeah Argath's return is insanely dumb.

You're not. All bosses had innate Maintenance in the original game so stealing or breaking gear wasn't possible. 

DD sucks. I don't recommend doing it. It's tedious. 

Agreed. It has no purpose what-so-ever. Nothing can make that addition good. 

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Elmdor's stuff was definitely able to be stolen or broken in the original, I have done so personally. The only boss with innate Maintenance in the original (as far as I remember) was Balk. I think Wiegraf has the ability actually equipped in Riovannes, as well.

However, Blade Grasp does work against the Steal command, so trying to steal his stuff without savestates is a giant pain, as you can imagine.

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