screenshot I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!

[KnightOfNohr]

You know, I always noticed that a big theme of this LP is making bad characters good (or at least, actively using them). However, (it is considered grammatically incorrect to begin a sentence with "but") it also seems to go in reverse! Who am I referencing? Oh, no one...(cough, Pretzel, cough cough)

5 whole pages! Or should I say, 5 Knoll pages?

 

Edited September 8, 2017 by KnightOfNohr

[Punished Dayni]

2 hours ago, Rubenio said:

It matters because apparently, an incorporeal soul disguised as a merchant, waltzed into Castle Archanea, and handed over the Darksphere to Hardin without anyone noticing, well, the fact that a bunch of red lights was hiding under the garments.

The ghost of Archanea: floating around distributing stones to royalty.

I was referring to it not mattering he's a soul if Imhullu was working in SD as well.

2 hours ago, Rubenio said:

And if the "get the gaidens without killing anyone" patch was at play, he was also paralized!

Sorry, can you explain this? I don't get it. I know about the patch, just don't know about the paralysed effect it has.

2 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Why is it that every time Gotoh shows up, everyone loses the capacity to think

Maybe that's something that the dragons just do to others. Would explain a certain dragon (have you played Fates?)

Also, yeah I think Gotoh may have forgotten how Gharnef acted. While Gharnef was his own student. Is Gotoh stupider than Pretzel Stu?

Also, YES TO THE HAT. Might as well see how it is.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Dayni

[Asmont Osborne]

57 minutes ago, Dayni said:

Also, YES TO THE HAT. Might as well see how it is

So... we are choosing to wear a hat that resembles a wolf (IIRC), which will remember us of a certain dumb Wolf (who died because of his dumbness) and have the dumbest character abomination thingamajig somehow still living being in the game (who died about 7 times due to terminal idioticness)...

Ok. (I say put the hat on)

[Franp3]

10 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Tell me who's your favourite character in the series, and I'll talk shit about them.

Joke's on you then! It's Frey.

 

10 hours ago, Rubenio said:

And so begins the last story arc.

Oh boy, we are well into the endgame now. :Grabs popcorn:

...wait, I don't like popcorn.

:Throws away popcorn:

:Grabs Doritos:

Much better.

 

10 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Yeah, that must be the first good idea you've ever had. And it has nothing to do with Marth or training!

Look at that! Frost is such a nice guy he made Pretzel temporarily smart! I'm frozen in shock from this discovery!

I'm so sorry, but if I don't make a pun every update i'll have to give my job to Dayni.

 

10 hours ago, Rubenio said:

After the end of the war, this place'll be yours, Marth. The entire continent will be yours!

Look, Marth, all the light touches is our kingdom.

 

11 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Only our inmortal (and slowish) demi-God shall advance!

He rammed into and destroyed the "demigod" point a long time ago. The Church of Growth Drop Matthis opens next week.

[Saint Rubenio]

The end draws near.

Yes... at last, we will be able to return home.

And I haven't found a cute lady... such a shame.

At least both you and your old friend are still alive. Our group will never be the same without Robert...

All of us have lost people. What we have to do now is ensure that their sacrifices are not in vain.

Yes, indeed...

Dear God...

What is it?

They have unleashed quite the obstacle on us.

What is it?

It's...

Part 37 - A filler chapter!

...I don't get how that's so bad.

Hush, Luke. I've got to reply to the followers.

On 8/9/2017 at 6:24 PM, KnightOfNohr said:

You know, I always noticed that a big theme of this LP is making bad characters good (or at least, actively using them). However, (it is considered grammatically incorrect to begin a sentence with "but") it also seems to go in reverse! Who am I referencing? Oh, no one...(cough, Pretzel, cough cough)

Believe me, it was not my intention to get an awful MU, but all things considered, it made the LP more interesting.

5 whole pages! Or should I say, 5 Knoll pages?

 

On 8/9/2017 at 6:34 PM, Dayni said:

The ghost of Archanea: floating around distributing stones to royalty.

10% discount on the stone that'll ruin your life! If you fail to conquer the world with it, you may redeem it for a free country in Magvel! And that's not all! If you buy now, you'll also get a legendary 2-ranged spear that'll wreck havoc amongst your foes!

Evidently, it was too good a deal for Hardin to ignore.

I was referring to it not mattering he's a soul if Imhullu was working in SD as well.

Yeah, that much is true. The more you think about it, the more unnecessarily contrived the whole "incorporeal soul" shenanigan feels like.

Sorry, can you explain this? I don't get it. I know about the patch, just don't know about the paralysed effect it has.

Maybe they fixed it already, I don't know, but at some point, if you used the patch, Ymir joined you with no movement.

Maybe that's something that the dragons just do to others. Would explain a certain dragon (have you played Fates?)

No, I haven't. Guess it's my turn to ask you to explain a joke. Except my joke was way more obscure than yours is. I live under a rock, I know. A rock stuck in the past, at that!

Also, yeah I think Gotoh may have forgotten how Gharnef acted. While Gharnef was his own student. Is Gotoh stupider than Pretzel Stu?

I'm looking forward to the moment he joins us so I can feed him to Medeus.

Oh, wait.

Also, YES TO THE HAT. Might as well see how it is.

Your wish is granted.

 

23 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

So... we are choosing to wear a hat that resembles a wolf (IIRC), which will remember us of a certain dumb Wolf (who died because of his dumbness) and have the dumbest character abomination thingamajig somehow still living being in the game (who died about 7 times due to terminal idioticness)...

Terminal idioticness. That made my day.

Ok. (I say put the hat on)

Your wish, too, is granted.

 

14 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Joke's on you then! It's Frey.

Why, you little... I can't talk shit about Frey! He's one of my favourites! Pick another one!

Oh boy, we are well into the endgame now. :Grabs popcorn:

...wait, I don't like popcorn.

:Throws away popcorn:

:Grabs Doritos:

Much better.

Come, now, that isn't healthy. You should eat a salad.

Look at that! Frost is such a nice guy he made Pretzel temporarily smart! I'm frozen in shock from this discovery!

I'm so sorry, but if I don't make a pun every update i'll have to give my job to Dayni.

Well, what can I say.

Stay frosty and wait for the next punnable situation.

Look, Marth, all the light touches is our kingdom.

Then the scene cuts to the entire continent on fire. And so, the Dank Emperor Marth took possesion of the world.

He rammed into and destroyed the "demigod" point a long time ago. The Church of Growth Drop Matthis opens next week.

The thing is, even with the Growth Drop, I don't think he should be this good. I'll be sad to see him go. I loved this run.

Spoiler

There we go. Ymir's hat is ours. I think with this, the only hat we've ever neglected to even try was Cecille's headband.

I'm sorry, Cecille. For that and for having you killed.

This chapter is the worst thing ever. Well, not quite, chapter 3 exists, but... at least chapter 3 had a reason to exist. A few of them, in fact. This, though?

Next chapter is fine. It has dragons, Gharnef's heretic priests, the Dark Pontifex himself, the Aum staff... but this... this has nothing. A bunch of dragons and a couple dragon slayer weapons. It's not even very fun, the design is rather boring. I usually warpskip Gharnef's chapter instead of this one, though, because this one is unskippable for reasons that'll soon become obvious. In fact, I quite fear next chapter, as I know absolutely nothing about it. Expect much death and pain tomorrow.

For now, though, let's waste our time. This isn't even that long an update, a little over a hundred screenshots.

That does not look safe.

If only the chapter took place on top this bridge. It would've made for a more interesting scenery, at least.

I can't really think of anything witty.

I don't know, this is all stuff we've heard about a thousand times by now. I can't think of much to say.

Let's deploy Pretzel today, shall we?

Look, he's even ready for it! Shame he won't actually come. The hit axe is cool. 120 hit and 30 crit. It's not very powerful, but still a great thing to have. Ymir will make good use of it.

Here's Michalis and his stats. I'm too lazy to transcribe the growths, go find them in serenes forest. It's much too late into the LP to begin doing this thing right and... well, as you know, I am spanish. Hue hue. Please laugh at this so I can pretent it was a joke. I'll do it right next LP.

Michalis functions similarly to Karel in FE6. Sure, he doesn't have that guy's beastly growth rates, but other than that, he's the same deal: a prepromote with awesome bases that joins very late to carry your team if you need him to. Except, unlike Karel, who had the sword rank and the stats to be perfect for the finale if you didn't have any other swordie up to the task, and Brunya to get that one level before entering the finale, Michalis' knolluck is just unredeemable. Using him is a bit like playing the russian roulette. He's good, but you better pray he doesn't get critted to death.

And now, it's time to share out the many statboosters I bought. Ymir gets all the secret books. Nobody else needs them. Same deal with Roshea and the energy drops. Leiden and Athena both get a dracoshield: now they're even more amazing. Tomas takes another speedwing to give him the edge he needs to double reliably. Frost takes an angelic robe for... not much of a reason, really. Tired of seeing him die, I suppose.

I typed this. I was proofreading when I noticed that I had.

No, I haven't done any resetting behind the scenes. Heh. Mm.

...nah, but really, what I meant to say is that I'm tired of seeing him almost die to everything.

That, and in 20x I savestated to check Eremiah's range just so I wouldn't have to count squares and he died. Does that count as a dishonorable reset?

Now, with the skill boost, I make Ymir a Berserker. He'll benefit from the speed and defense.

He's very good already, but let's make him gooder, shall we? Look at that unit. Great stuff.

Rosh needs attack power.

He's not my most stellar unit, but that's not his job. His job is to prove that I am willing to do anything to break the meta. And you'll find very few people worse than Roshea in this game, stat-wise.

Bantu and Arran. I think that's it. Arguably Macellan and Sheema.

More, more, more! Yumina gets a spirit dust to make her even more ridiculous and Leiden gets a talisman to get him closer to Athena's level of amazement. Although, to be honest, Leiden and Athena are very similar, Leiden being slightly worse but specializing in lances, which are slightly better than swords in my opinion.

Okay-- oh, hey, it's the Wolfguard. The II.

Oh, believe me, you will.

Yeah, his whole appearance just screams "KIND".

Yes, please, get over it, Pretzel.

Oh, please.

And that is all Ymir ever gets to say. Joining late is a bitch.

I've Roshea's conversation recorded, but I figure I might as well save that one for tomorrow, since I don't have any more left. I wanted to show Leiden and Robert's conversations, since they're better than their respective supports with Pretzel, but alas, 'twas not to be. We'll have to make do with the one we were able to get.

Look, Gotoh! Are you here to join us? And finally be of use?

That can't be right. "Barbarians" and "dragons" are both plural nouns. It should be "in this altar lurk", right?

Dear God, he can't speak either! This guy is giving Pretzel a run for his money when it comes to being an utter imbecile.

Remember this. It'll be important later.

Well, we'll have to find a way, because Marth is way too underleveled to even approach Medeus without becoming ash.

Who could it be?

Oh, it's Nagi! Believed to be Naga by some.

Naga's a woman. Remember a lot of parts ago when I was confused because the game said "his" when referring to Naga? Yeah, that must've been a typo. Why I bring it up now, when even I have forgotten when this happened, is beyond my comprehension.

She speaks like Sophia. That is, abusing the crap out of elypsis.

Let's just hope she isn't as good a unit as Sophia was.

Well, she definitely isn't as bad as Sophia, that's for sure. Nagi is a better late-game filler than Michalis, I'd say. The divinestone she carries should last her for the entire time you have her, even if you sold the rest of the dragonstones, and her stats are pretty great, with 21 in both defensive stats for as long as the stone lasts her. She'll make short work of most dragons. Not bad, not bad at all. I guess a trained Tiki would be better, but, really, I don't think Tiki is worth the trouble. And believe me, it's quite troublesome to train her.

Oh, and guess what! Gotoh teleported away!

I can't think of a reason for him not to join us here. I really can't. He doesn't have any more dialogue until the ending, and they already made an alternate ending if you get there with Sheeda dead, so it's not like they can't write a few different lines if Gotoh died as well.

The only reason Gotoh didn't join us is, really, that he's an incompetent, pretentious piece of fucking garbage who can't be straightforward to save his sorry life.

Also, here are the powerful heretic priests. The only thing they have going for them is their crit chance and good weaponery.

The first thing I do is to risk losing Ymir to an 8% crit chance. Sorry. But hey, we came out victorious!

You may have noticed a weird unpromoted cleric in the screenshot with Gotoh and Nagi teleporting in. Well, that's Malicia. She's going to be hammerning today. I can't think of a better chapter to do it. Elrean sat this one out, but that's fine. I barely use the man, anyways.

He did something nobody else could've. Put Pretzel in his place. For that, I thank him.

Everyone moves up. This part isn't very interesting. Nah, that'll come later. As in, next chapter.

These two are the only ones capable of reaching anyone. Jikes. Even after the goddess icons, Ymir's luck is a little too low.

The Pink Knights team up to kill this Swordmaster. You know, the Hero sprite matches Roshea's portrait better than any other. Pink armor and shoulder pads. He doesn't have shoulder spikes, but other than that...

In the player phase, Leiden rushes forward to take this guy out. Don't worry, I'll bail him out of there.

The Swordmaster and this Dragon were just one square short of reaching us. Which is all we need to stop them dead in their tracks.

Another Swordmaster was coming from the east. Castor takes care of him.

Leiden is brought back to safety by Frost, and is subsequently healed by Yumina along with everybody else.

Look at that. Roshea and Matthis frontlining, all while the Avatar is benched. I know this is everyday stuff for this LP but... I simply cannot fathom how the hell we got into such an improbable situation. Even in my weirdest runs, I still used MU! And Palla, sometimes, because I like her! Our current team doesn't have a single top-tier unit!

The closest we got is Yumina, and even she is appreciated for being a great staffbot, not a combat mage! And still people like Malicia better!

I'm almost going to be sad when Etzel, the best mage in the game, is resurrected. Maybe I'll just let him sit on the bench. He did more than enough in his time to deserve it.

That's it for turn 2. Or is it 3? I lost count. Or, more to the point, I never keep count of the turns. Whatever the case. We split up somewhat to take on all the enemies in all sides.

I like this screenshot. Swarm is a good looking spell. This is such an underrated graphical style. It's not high art, but it gets way too much flak.

This chapter isn't even hard at all. C'mon. Move it!

Although, I must say, it's not as boring the penultimate chapter of FE6. Jesus, that one's tedious. In fact, I quit my last FE6 run right there, because I just couldn't summon the will to play through those, quite frankly, easy chapters. I got through Zephiel. Good enough.

At least this game has a pretty good last chapter. And, well, I don't know about next chapter, for all I know it could be the best Fire Emblem map ever made.

I don't think anyone else is going to die.  Maybe Ymir, to an unlucky crit, but other than that...

Castor, too, but Castor's too irrelevant to be noticed by the enemy. He just secretly laughs in the shadows as I recklessly send other people to the front because I am more confident in their chances.

Why, you little... cease your fortifying at once! I demand that you keep your staff in top condition so that, when I pry it out of your dead hands, I can make proper use of it!

The longbow once again proves useful by allowing me to kill this guy, even though Tomas was too far away to use his other bows.

Roshea kills this guy. He's my lowest leveled unit, leaving Castor aside because it's a given that Castor is low-leveled, so he still gets experience quite steadily.

This part is so easy, I even gave Frost a chance to attack. Frostbite!

Well, surprising as it may be, I actually hope the next chapter poses more of a challenge. 'Cause this is, quite bluntly, really boring. Look at that. Everyone one-rounds every enemy in the map!

Since she's here, might as well make Malicia do something with herself. This time, I didn't have any Sage left to heal Leiden, so I just let Malicia do the job.

Wow, she actually got a level out of that. Well. Pretty good, all things considered. But it is at this point irrelevant.

Keep going. I want to get out of here.

One down, one severely wounded. Oh, bollocks, that means...

You ectoplasm! Stop that!

Let's give Nagi something to do. Thanks to her sky-high resistance, even if she got hit critically, she wouldn't die.

And level for Roshea. Well, he's fast, that's for sure, but his lower strength prevents him from competing with powerhouses like Leiden, Athena, Tomas... everyone else, basically.

Healing for everyone.

Ah, there's that defense growth again.

Leiden, too, gets a level-up out of killing the meteor Sorcerer. Capped strength! He's like the (ever so slightly) stronger counterpart to Athena's (even so slightly) superior speed.

Let's prepare to rush into the throne room, shall we?

But before that, let's take care of the healers.

Level cap! What a way to cap out, too. Neigh perfect level-up! While Matthis is my best man when it comes to defense, I think Athena, along with Leiden, might just be my best combat unit. Look at her. Medeus, you are done for.

Look, reinforcements. I don't really want to fight these dumbasses. Let's just hurry up.

There we go. The entrances are opened. And now...

Unleash the nosferatank!

But before that, I would prefer not to get nuked today, thank you very much.

Hahah. If only you'd joined earlier...

And now he's back with us. Stupid Malicia can't reach safety, though. It's a good thing Feena is there to help her out.

And so, it begins.

No, not this. The nosferatanking.

Jesus. She won't cap magic, but... wow. What a unit.

This, too, happens. Level 12. Pfhahah. Still, his offensive stats are quite good for such a low level. He's good enough.

Although, I wouldn't leave him in the frontlines for longer than necessary.

Oh, she didn't have A magic? Well, looks like she got there just in time. Gharnef, your days are numbered!

Well. She couldn't double the Swordmaster, but that's fine. I'd like Roshea to feel he's useful.

Holy crap, look at that map! There's nobody left in the left side!

Ahem, now there's nobody left in the left side.

Strength. That's all that matters.

Well, and he capped speed, I suppose. Maybe I'll make him a Swordmaster again to maximize doubling potential.

This side still have quite a few enemies in fighting condition. Let us fix that.

Gradivus!

Uh, Killer Bow!

Wait, what? There's a wall there?

Curse you, purple walls over purple floor!

But that's all right. All it means is that the enemy is trapped in that little section of the map with Athena.

Come closer, guys... come closer to the beauty on the pegasus. I assure you, only good things can come out of that.

Ve are not Marth's voman. Ve don't do that sort of thing. Stupid manchild...

Oh, and what a blasted shame it is that you don't, mweheheh. Ah.

You vant to die?

No! Not in the slightest! Please, spare my life! I'll do anything! I'm at your service, Mistress Athena! Do whatever you wish with this w--

Stop it. Please.

...sorry. I got carried away.

Ahem.

I...

...

You know what, I'll come back in five minutes and--

...

...

...

...

...I feel you, man, but they'll be mad at me as well if I don't look at you disappointingly..

 

 

...

AAARGH! WHAT?! GHOST! WHAT IS... IS THAT... ARRAN!?!?

I... good lord, he's come for revenge... but I didn't want to let you... I... I AM SO SORRY!! I WANTED YOU TO LIVE, AS WELL! I AVENGED YOUR DEATH! CEASE YOUR HAUNTING OF MY SOUL!

Heh. Sorry, my child. I just had to do something to break that awfully tense atmosphere.

You should've seen your face!

Well, I no longer need to go to the bathroom, at least. Auuurgh. I'm not sleeping well today.

I... why? What have I done to deserve this?

...

Oooooooooooof course. I did deserve it, all things considered.

Healing.

Oh wow. Reinforcements right on top of us. Well, I was not expecting that.

But of course, only one of them can actually attack in this narrow corridor. And, well... they can't do much by themselves.

They can't even reach Marth in this side!

Waste of time. Perish!

Feena helps Marth get to the throne faster so I can leave this place and forget all that happened in it.

Remain irrelevant, Castor. It's your best bet for survival. If you impress me, I'll overestimate you and send you to your death. Etzel is the soon-to-be living example.

I won't be able to kill both dragons, but that's all right. The remaining dragon can't kill Tomas anyways.

The boss is a generic dragon. Did anybody expect anything else? Nobody?

Healing, for both people and inanimate objects. I want that rescue staff to be in top condition for the last chapter.

Quite all right. Tomorrow we'll be getting another one anyways, if all goes well.

Oh, come now! Marth's a serviceable unit in this game, but I neglected him so badly. Maybe I shouldn't have. Here, you can have this kill. Eh, in the enemy phase, that is.

Fortify!

Bwah hah hah hah! Down you go!

And that is it for the boss.

He has the same s/s/s as Echidna from FE6. That is about all I have to say about this level-up.

Echidna's another FE girl I like. Not as much as Maris, Athena or Igrene from FE6, but she's up there. Can you see the pattern here? Yeah...

I'm weird even when it comes to being weird. Like, playing a game about animes killing dragons. I just had to use the weird team, didn't I?

...why do I do this to myself? Urk. I could just go back and delete it all...

...

...but I'm so close to being done and going back to dancing flamenco...

Jesus, she's in trouble. Nah, not really, I made very sure she couldn't get attacked by anybody else. But all this fighting's taking a toll on her. We should get out as soon as possible.

That is, right now, but not quite. I'd rather squeeze some more experience out of these bumbling idiots.

Nice. Roshea's great, don't let any tier lists convince you of the contrary.

I just realised, I can't back my claim up with anything. He's a prepromote, his growths aren't that stellar, his bases are awful and his availability is non-existant. There's no FE mindset in existance that would make Roshea look remotely good.

I'm pretty sure this shouldn't be here. Imgur does that, sometimes. Since this isn't the most interesting screenshot ever, I thought I'd just leave it here and use this chance to shit on imgur some more. It's a great site, but some things just don't make any sense.

Well, that's about all the fighting I can do.

But before we go...

Might as well pick this up.

Goodness gracious. 14 defense! She's tankier than Etzel was!

Yumina's amazing. Gharnef won't even see the Starlight coming.

And we're off!

Plot.

That's the plot. They couldn't even think of anything else to say after this, the fillerest of fillers.

Marth is not impressed at Pretzel. Or his hat.

Of course, he only addresses one of these issues. Go ahead, Marth, I think you can at least 2 round him.

Man, I can't even remember his stats. I'll show everyone off before the final chapter. Well, everyone still alive by then.

You already did. It's quite hard to be inconspicuous when your lack of grey matter is unmatched throughout the continent. Well, leaving the well-respected archsage aside. But that one seems to have only become an idiot recently. Maybe he's senile. It would explain why he was competent in the last war, but not now.

Yeah, that's definitely it. It is now canon that Gotoh used to be competent, but is now senile. And Pretzel is, most certainly, the stupidest person in the universe. I can't think of anybody else in the series that's dumber than him.

What enemies looked surprised? Pretzel was nowhere near the enemy! See, this is why the Avatar being bad doesn't work. IntSys made them so good, they didn't even consider the fact that some may bench them.

Well, time for some more democracy. I think I know what the result will be, but honestly, it just doesn't matter at this point.

Oh, well. In any case. Tomorrow, Hardin's death is avenged as the Dark Pontifex goes down!

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 10 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 3)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

[Punished Dayni]

25 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

No, I haven't. Guess it's my turn to ask you to explain a joke. Except my joke was way more obscure than yours is. I live under a rock, I know. A rock stuck in the past, at that!

 

I was a bit behind on Fates too, didn't even get Birthright until half a year after it came out here. Point being that a certain character seems to have a particular ability to get others (barring those utterly against them) to trust them, even as they have done nothing good for them.

(I'd get into my thoughts (and headcanons) on said character, but again, you haven't played Fates. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but still.)

30 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

Let's deploy Pretzel today, shall we?

Well, we wish he could be a damage sponge. No such luck sadly.

33 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

That, and in 20x I savestated to check Eremiah's range just so I wouldn't have to count squares and he died. Does that count as a dishonorable reset?

...Sorry, I think it does.

Also, KEEP the hat. It seems like it ironically fits Pretzel, the guy obsessed with training who still can't do any good for the army.

[KnightOfNohr]

Meh, the hat looks better on Female MUs, as does the mask. "shudder"

The final map is kind of boring; It's just a room, as circular as a Fire Emblem map can get, filled with dragons that keep spawning for a while. 

[Franp3]

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Pick another one!

Fine. Lex from FE4. Good luck finding anything meaningful to trashtalk though.

 

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Please laugh at this so I can pretent it was a joke.

Ha ha ha ha

Ja ja ja ja

Huehuehuehue

Also, pretend*

 

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Does that count as a dishonorable reset?

Nah.

 

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Although, I must say, it's not as boring the penultimate chapter of FE6. Jesus, that one's tedious.

That f*cking chapter. In my first (And so far only) run of FE6, It took me nearly 2 hours to get to the second-to-last room, and my supremely underleveled Fae was killed by an ambush spawn I wasn't aware of. I tried to load a state, but the most recent one was at the beggining of the chapter. So far, that was the only time I've completed an FE game with anything but a perfect survival score.

 

3 hours ago, Rubenio said:

You ectoplasm!

Australopithecus! Birdshit smuggler! Iconoclaste! Hauteclaireuser! Sternoclaidomastoideus!

How did I do?

 

4 hours ago, Rubenio said:

I can't think of anybody else in the series that's dumber than him.

Please, stop showing your lack of Knolledge about the 3DS games.

 

This LP has so many deaths, i'm going to start playing the Game of Thrones theme before reading every update.

[Saint Rubenio]

I have a bad feeling in my gut.

Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many cookies.

Very funny. No, I have a bad feeling about today's battle.

You have a bad feeling about every battle.

Well, we all do.

I'm sorry, but he's right.

...well, I can't say I haven't doubted you a couple of times...

You vill lead us all to our doom.

You've used the wrong word, again. Shall I correct that?

You vant to be the first to die?

...

That is vhat I thought.

...yes...

That is NOT vhat I thought! Disgusting manchild...

...

Part 38 - The little tactician that couldn't.

Brace yourselves... I have a feeling today's update will be quite intense.

Shut up, Rody. Only I am allowed to speak to the audience.

On 10/9/2017 at 1:28 AM, Dayni said:

I was a bit behind on Fates too, didn't even get Birthright until half a year after it came out here. Point being that a certain character seems to have a particular ability to get others (barring those utterly against them) to trust them, even as they have done nothing good for them.

But of course, Corrin is a dragon. How could I have forgotten?

I assume you refer to them. Who else fits that description?

(I'd get into my thoughts (and headcanons) on said character, but again, you haven't played Fates. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but still.)

You might as well. I don't really mind spoilers. I've a special talent to get to know videogames through spoilers. Heck, my first contact with this very series was through a video that explained the story of Zephiel in detail. Along with some other things.

In time, I learnt to use this gift of mine as a chance to explore the plot for little hints and foreshadowing of the ending. It helps that I usually very much enjoy stories even if I know the ending. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

Well, we wish he could be a damage sponge. No such luck sadly.

He has high-ish HP. Joy.

...Sorry, I think it does.

Bah. Screw you.

Also, KEEP the hat. It seems like it ironically fits Pretzel, the guy obsessed with training who still can't do any good for the army.

Well, then.

 

22 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Meh, the hat looks better on Female MUs, as does the mask. "shudder"

Yeah, fem!MU got the better hats for the most part. Aside from the Pope hat, which I'd say looks slightly better on male!MU, the female version for everything else is better.

Since we've a tie here, I'll use my vote. Sorry, man, but you've lost today. The hat looks just terrible enough to be perfect for one such as Pretzel.

The final map is kind of boring; It's just a room, as circular as a Fire Emblem map can get, filled with dragons that keep spawning for a while. 

Well, yeah, but it's still better than, say, the last chapter of both Elibe games, which are just "big dragon boss for you to obliterate in 2 turns". At least there's risk here.

 

21 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Fine. Lex from FE4. Good luck finding anything meaningful to trashtalk though.

Why, you... uh...

His artwork looks fucking stupid! There! Hahah! How does it feel?!

...

No, but seriously, what's up with that crap? He looks like he's dancing with his axe!

Ha ha ha ha

Ja ja ja ja

Huehuehuehue

Also, pretend*

Curse it all, I knew this would happen eventually. Stupid typographical mistakes! Getting in the way of my sophisticated manner of speech!

Nah.

Well, looks like we've got another tie in our hands. And, therefore, I shall use my own vote to break it... hurray, turns out I haven't dishonorably reset again!

That f*cking chapter. In my first (And so far only) run of FE6, It took me nearly 2 hours to get to the second-to-last room, and my supremely underleveled Fae was killed by an ambush spawn I wasn't aware of. I tried to load a state, but the most recent one was at the beggining of the chapter. So far, that was the only time I've completed an FE game with anything but a perfect survival score.

Yeah, I never look forward to it. It doesn't help that the FE6 endings are weird. Why, exactly, did they have to give Roy 6 paired endings and leave everyone else hanging? Why, exactly, did they have to give full endings to the 8 people deployed in the finale and shaft everyone else? It's just not worth it going beyond Brunya.

Australopithecus! Birdshit smuggler! Iconoclaste! Hauteclaireuser! Sternoclaidomastoideus!

How did I do?

Blistering barnacles, you did mighty fine, you nitwitted ninepin!

Please, stop showing your lack of Knolledge about the 3DS games.

I can't, it's something innate to me. Until I play them, but honestly, they aren't very high in my list. Awakening/fates don't seem to have very good stories, and the map design in Echoes makes my heart bleed. Even more than hearts usually do.

This LP has so many deaths, i'm going to start playing the Game of Thrones theme before reading every update.

Why, you little-- nobody else is going to die! Just wait and see!

Spoiler

It's just so easy! Look at that! The writers expected me to call this guy after myself and think "oh, yeah, that's exactly what I would've said. Toasty!".

Then again, I am the guy who uses captain Haddock's bizarre swearing on a daily basis. But c'mon, you've gotta admit, it's great. Miserable blundering barbecued blisters!

Imgur. This has been happening from the very beginning. Be thankful I always thought of you guys and fixed it.

But the plot for these chapters is so short, it's best to leave it there. It increases the length of the update.

Anyway, the Dark Pontifex doesn't "live". He's an incorporeal soul! He just sorta lives, but doesn't really.

Even Marth knows that much!

Last Jagen Judgement, handed to us by Marth.

And of course, because it's Marth and not Jagen, instead of our much needed dose of Pretzel Stu criticism, we get some more damned praise.

Our strongest hope? Yeah, he has A tomes. But Gharnef fucking doubles him! And his res is, what, 14? No, he's not our strongest hope of defeating Gharnef! He's the bench's strongest fear of its average power going below zero!

When will the plot be over? I very much look forward to the point in time in which the plot for this chapter is over.

We've been over this, Pretzel.

 

But it doesn't hurt to say it again. Pretzel, you are the worst mage in Archanea. Even Yubello would've been better. So, just shut up and go back to the bench's bench. Although, I'm starting to think that may be too good for you.

Random crap. Might as well be nothing.

Starlight and a dragonpike. This is all the inventory management we do today.

Before we go, let's have a chat with Roshea.

So this is like, reverse Frost?

Huh.

I've nothing witty to say. That is awesome.

Yeah, for the kids! Does this mean you can't die as a unit? For the kids?

That he is.

Well, you are. Maybe not of spirit, but your stength is the lowest of my team. But still, you're a good guy, Roshea. I wish you weren't such a bad unit so more people would get to read your heartwarming dialogue.

And here's the ghost himself. Go to hell, Gharnef. You should be there. Your body is there!

That is going to work. For sure.

Well, thank you for telling me this. Now I know more things. I appreciate it, villain!

You're so ugly, they would probably sink even further if you tried.

That's a pretty decent line. Although I still prefer Valter's "and you're just a corpse who does not know he is dead!".

Okay, strategy. Castor, our forever irrelevant Bowman, drinks some pure water. Will today be the day he'll finally do something great?

Well...

No. He's just going to kill that Sorcerer so Yumina can open the chest with the thief staff, kill the Dragon, and then proceed to chill in that inescapable for the rest of the chapter because I haven't rescue charges to waste.

Oh, by the way, if you ever try to do an LP in Serenes Forest, never, EVER undo by pressing control + z.

Yeah, it happened again. Half the update was deleted and I was sent back to this. God fucking damnit, but at least I didn't have that much done.

Just half an hour worth of writing. At 1:40 AM. And I have places to go to, tomorrow.

So much for "hopefully I will now get used to updating in morning!".

Anyway, Castor does his thing. Look, Horseman second hit sword crit! You don't see this sort of thing every day.

Here it is. The Aum staff. This should be a thing in every FE, but for some reason, it only exists in the Archanea games.

I disarm Ymir. He's a powerhouse, but rather brittle. I'd rather not risk him killing every dragon, leaving the spot free for someone else to jump in and finish our new axeman off.

This is the reason Castor drank the pure water. He's in range of this asshat.

We've entered an asteroid field! Oh, wait, no we haven't! It's just the meteoric Sorcerers!

This isn't as bad as FE6's "every single chapter from 16 onwards will have a siege asshole", but it's still pretty annoying, mostly because meteor is an excellent tome that you never get.

See? 2-shot. This is why I didn't want to risk it.

Leiden and Athena, though, will be perfectly fine.

Castor gets to fight some more. He did pretty well, all things considered! Maybe I won't even have to use the brave bow.

Scratch that, I will have to use the brave bow.

Oh. Never mind, turns out I didn't have to use the brave bow after all.

Sadly, he doesn't proc his 1% chance to miss. Shame. I would've like to keep the joke going.

He may not be my best man, but he sure is my fastest. Wow.

Time for some cleaning up. Matthis is starting to fall behind a little when it comes to killing people. Mostly because he's a General and Generals can't double very well. But it's okay. Killing ceased to be his job long ago.

This is where the second picture of the update should have been. And, well, it is place here in the album. Imgur just deemed it necessary to place a copy of it at the beginning of the folder. Because yes, as we say in Spain.

Nagi, too, gets to work. She grows to be even crutchier. Look at that damage. So long as her target is a dragon not named Medeus, they won't survive the encounter. This is what a lategame filler should be. I wouldn't let her frontline or take on the bosses, but if you desperately need to nuke mooks, she's the way to go.

More death! More suffering! More destruction! Only one dragon left in this side of the staircase!

Frost failed to crit. This could be bad.

We'll deal with that later. First, I am bad at counting and remembering things I did this morning.

I disarm Marth, in hopes the dragon goes for him instead of Frost.

And, some fortifying later...

I just let Yumina blow the dragon away because that's safer.

Castor still exists.

The only enemies capable of attacking us in this turn are the meteoric Sorcerers.

I ready my best men (and voman) to aggro the northern enemies. Meanwhile...

Leiden takes care of the asteroids.

Well, we're not in much danger right now. I think it's time.

Let's do it.

Wrys, why are you listed there?

I can't think of any reason.

Mm... well, whatever.

The Aum staff's animation is amazing. It's so good, it is accompanied by a nifty little tune!

And with that, Etzel's back! How good is he, having missed almost ten chapters?

Quite good, I would say. He's only slightly worse than Frost offensively, and vastly better defensively. And his ranks are amazing. We could get him to double As in this very chapter if we tried hard enough. Once I give him the statboosters I saved up for him, he should be up to speed.

For now, I throw a few tomes and staves at him.

And he gets to work inmediately.

Oh, jikes. I can't forget about Castor. As easy as it is to do that.

Annoying meteoric Sorcerers... is there no end to your kind?

This guy was stupid enough to attack Leiden. He learns the error of his ways, the hard way.

I'm seriously tired of these assholes. Die, already!

Wow, wohohohohow. Jesus! 27 strength! He's my strongest unit!

Leiden gets healed by our newly revived Sorcerer. Shame none of these assholes drop meteor. I wanted to have my own meteoric Sorcerer!

Athena-- d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Not that it matters, this asshat is dead either way, but he has a crit chance against Ymir, I wanted to avoid going through that.

Oh well, might as well throw a couple javelins in his direction.

In hindsight, maybe if I left her wounded he would've gone after her. Although, knowing this game's AI...

With the Aum staff broken, Yumina grabs a recover staff for backup heals.

Like this one!

Here. Matthis will lead the charge, as usual.

God damnit. Don't worry, he didn't die, but he will if I forget to heal him again.

Wait, healing already? Aren't they going to attack?

Oh, okay, that guy was just dumb. Why haven't I killed him, again?

Oh, of course, I'd forgotten Castor was there at all.

Anyways, ewwww 20 damage. That's rather nasty.

But Matthis is nastier.

Crap. It's all good, he's still alive. Jesus. I've vastly overstimated this guy's resistance.

N--

...r....k...ggghhh...

u...raaarrgh....rrrgh...kch...

Guh...

M... Matthis...?

...

(I listened to this as I wrote the remained of the update. Try it out for further inmersion)

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL AND THEN MYSELF!

YOUR ACCURSED FORTIFY STAVES WON'T SAVE THE WORLD!

DIE! PERISH! CEASE TO EXIIIIIST!

IT'S DOOMSDAY, YOU ASSHOLES!

NONE SHALL LIVE!

A POINT OF DEFENSE? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH. THAT WON'T SAVE YOU FROM MY WRATH!

NEITHER WILL THAT! YOU SHALL ALL DIE! EVERYONE SHALL DIE!

BUT BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU WILL BRING TO THESE BASTARDS THE END THEY DESERVE!

Rody, please... you're a level-headed guy... go calm him down!

I'm scared to get close to him... he's been threatening to kill me for a long time... and now that he's threatening to kill everyone, I think I better keep a low profile...

DANCE FOR HIM, YOU WHORE! JUST AS YOU WILL DANCE FOR ME AS I STAB THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! AND NOT THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE!

PEEEEEERIIIIIIIIISH!

Rgh... rrrrrghhhhhhhh...

You know what? Fine. We can go on without... Mmm...

RAAARGH I CAN'T!

Sniff... why... why? Why have I been cursed to be the worst tactician ever? HOW IN THE WORLD OF FUCK DO YOU LOSE A GUY WITH THOSE STATS? ONLY ME! ONLY I AM CAPABLE OF SUCH INCOMPETENCE!

ARCHANEA WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!

SEE? I EVEN LET THE DANCER GET ATTACKED! HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!

Although, all things considered, she did quite well.

 

Ngh... something hurts. But why?

You hit that table pretty hard... it wouldn't surprise me that you broke your hand.

Urk...

Yeah, you get all the good level-ups you want. It's over. We've lost Matthis. Might as well surrender...

NO! WE CANNOT SURRENDER! NOT BEFORE THAT DEAD MAN IS DEAD! ...ER!

THAT IS ALL YOU NEED, ETZEL! ALL YOU NEED! YOU'RE STILL AMAZING! NOW GO, GO HELP EVERYONE DESTROY THAT WRETCHED SOUL!

DON'T YOU DARE DIE, GIRL! I NEED YOU TO WIN!

Nice... he's now capable of fortifying, as well.

Here you go, Athena. Some more resistance... don't you DARE die!

DO THE SIEGE BASTARDS EVER END!? HOW MANY OF THESE TOMES DO THEY HAVE!

Okay, Athena lived... that, at least, is quite a relief.

Yeah... this... this is... merely...

GOD AWF-- Fine... fiIINEE...

Die! All of you! I'm tired of you and your little long-ranged toys.

Heal Roshea. I am not losing anybody else.

Here, have a kill, Princey. Make good use of it.

Matthis you're not.

We're almost heeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeee... can you smell it, Gharnef? The smell of rotten flesh and blood? That is the smell of inevitability.

Why, you... damn you all to hell! I hope you are all plunged into the darkest of hell's circles once you die!

And you WILL die, mark my words. Mark them well!

I wanted to set that up for Etzel... you do NOT need kills.

Okay... Yumina with a barrier should do it.

I know, Gharnef, but even after he attacks, Yumina will be able to suck health off the next guy.

Hahah! How does it feel to see death closing in and being unable to do anything about it?

Keep on struggling. It is... delightful to watch.

Heh heh heh indeed.

Oh, I am soooooooo scared.

Soooooooooooo scared.

Soooooooooo scared.

Sooooooooooo scared.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SCARED.

SOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCARED

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SCAAAAAAAAAREEEEEED!!!

I'M FINE, I'M FINE, WE CAN STILL WIN. I'M NOT INSANE. NOTINSANENOTINSANENOTINSANE.

We can still win. Etzel got A tomes some time ago! He can do it!

ThE STArlighT'S NOwhERE to bE FOund...

O-okay, Gharnef moved away from the t-throne... I can...

I made Frost BARRIER THE ASSHOLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHYYYYY!?

THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST DISASTROUS STREAM OF FAILURE I HAVE EVER SEEN! NOTHING COMPARES! AND THE WORST PART...

IT WAS ME! I AM THE ONE TO BLAME FOR THIS! I FAILED TO USE THE WARP STAFF! I CAN'T EVEN GO THROUGH TWO A PRESSES WITHOUT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!

A--

kch...

Haaaaaaaah...

...

...

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome, everyone! How have you been? I hope you're perfectly well!

I welcome you all to this next part of Let's Play Super Mario 64 DS!

What a pleasant game! Such vibrant colours! Such impeccable soundtrack! So very relaxing.

D'oh! But it's fine. I only hit my head on the wall, Luigi's better than that.

Let's go into the castle. Today...

We've things to do at the Bob-omb Battlefield. Stars to get, to be exact!

Let's see if I can reach that floating island by using the cannon...

No such luck, I'm afraid. Oh well, we'll take the long way. It's more fun that way.

Oh, dear! A bomb!

Hahah! I can jump very high! I always loved Luigi, he's one of my favourite characters of all time. He's especially good in this game. His crouch jumps are broken.

Let us hurry to the isle!

D'oh! That's all right. No problem.

Gah! Luigi's not looking so well. Better find something to heal him with!

Ah, coins! That'll do. Money always makes people feel well.

Ow. Oh well. Guess we'll just have to do it again. No matter. I enjoy this game so much, I'm willing to climb this happy little mountain a thousand times!

...

But first... there is something I have to... "take care" of.

Yes...

Gotta... take out the trash.

 

To be continued.

Edited September 11, 2017 by Rubenio

[KnightOfNohr]

Personally, I'm rather partial to Gangrel's diving speech.

As for the rest of the update...that was...masterful. Everything, spiraling downwards into failure...until finally...it ends. Then, another chance appears. A window of hope. It was simply...breathtaking. Definitely the most emotional update of the entire Let's Play.

[Punished Dayni]

36 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

But of course, Corrin is a dragon. How could I have forgotten?

I assume you refer to them. Who else fits that description?

You might as well. I don't really mind spoilers. I've a special talent to get to know videogames through spoilers. Heck, my first contact with this very series was through a video that explained the story of Zephiel in detail. Along with some other things.

In time, I learnt to use this gift of mine as a chance to explore the plot for little hints and foreshadowing of the ending. It helps that I usually very much enjoy stories even if I know the ending. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

I could have been referring to a certain other character, but that would lead me down a rabbit hole of frustration describing that one. I'd rather avoid doing so in this thread, sorry.

That was a trip of an ending. After all that, right when it might have it didn't work out. And all because Starlight didn't show up in the convoy during the chapter. No wonder that snap happened.

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Has enloquecido por completo. La muerte de Matthis va a joder todo. Suerte.

[Franp3]

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

No, but seriously, what's up with that crap? He looks like he's dancing with his axe!

hahahahaha oh my god, how did I never notice that? Although most of the SNES-era artworks look derpy as hell.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Although I still prefer Valter's "and you're just a corpse who does not know he is dead!".

Every insult that comes out of Valter's mouth is pure gold. Yet another great character ruined by Heroes ;_;

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

With the Aum staff broken, Yumina grabs a recover staff for backup heals.

No problem! Julian just needs to hand over 30.000 gold to Yumina and... wait, wrong game.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

ThE STArlighT'S NOwhERE to bE FOund...

I'm trying really hard not to make an FE4 reference.

...

...

:Clutches Naga tome:

 

Ese final... Santa puta Ruben. Matthis general, tu que moriste por nuestros pecados, proteje este LP de su propio creador.

El Contador de Reinicios Deshonorables sigue ahí si estas interesado.

[Moblin Major General]

AEIOU, in burro juego Fire Emblem mas que tu.

[deskita]

I think that update practically summarised the title of this lets play.

[Saint Rubenio]

Welcome! Today, in Let's Play Super Mario 64 DS, we will explore the snowy peaks in our search for stars.

I'll just somersault my way to the castle...

Ah, excellent. Now, what was the door again...

There we are.

Urk!

...looks like I made it... now, where's Ruben?

Jeez, it sure is cold up here. But we've work to do.

There you are, Ruben.

Without further ado, let's just dive right in to the slide. We'll be beating that penguin in a race!

Ruben!

Let's go! I will be the new champion of this mountain!

Is he deaf? No... he's in denial. Mm. How could I snap him out of it...

Oh, of course...

LORD GOTOH! HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME!

RARGH!

Unh. Oh, well. Too bad. We fell.

I'll try that again!

OH HEY, IF IT ISN'T MALICIA! STILL WANTING TO GET INTO MARTH'S PANTS?

GOD DAM--

Third time's the charm, as they say! We don't make mistakes. We just have happy little accidents...

EST! WHERE'S ABEL? WHY, OF COURSE! YOU RUINED HIS LIFE! BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M GLAD YOU STILL EXIST!

Again! AGAIN!

...I didn't want to do this, but...

PRETZ--

UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

...

...why? How did you even get here? I thought by warping away I would finally get some rest.

Lord Frost was quite surprised when you took the staff out of his hands. We were lucky you dropped it before going away.

I was wondering where I'd left it.

But that doesn't explain why you are here.

Isn't it obvious? I'm here to bring you back.

Don't make me laugh. I'm a failure of a tactician. Archanea will be better off without me.

All those deaths... I am to blame for them. I killed all those people with my incompetence. Matthis... Yumina... Cecille, Frey, Arran, Cain, Roger, Robert, Dice...

For what little it's worth, I believe in you. You guys are strong. You can save Archanea. I'll only be holding you back...

No, Ruben. Don't you understand? We can't win without somebody to devise a proper battle plan. We're all fighters. At most, we can think up a basic strategy for ourselves, but leading an army? None of us can do that.

Neither can I. What is your point?

...look. Many would've given up by now. You're a laughing stock, or that's what you think. You've lost countless men. Your strategies fail all the time, and if they succeed, it's only out of sheer luck.

...if you only came here just to tell me that...

But you didn't give up on us. No matter how men you'd lose, you'd always find a way. We've come this far thanks to you.

This is war. Sad as it is, it would've been unrealistic to think we would all make it out alive. In war, you don't get second chances.

...and?

You did as well as anybody would. Well, unless those people had the power to go back in time or something. But then, why not just stop? Why not go so far back that the war would be avoidable?

You've lost people, yes. But even so, you've brought us to the brink of victory. We need your guidance, just a little longer.

...I suppose that is true, but...

And besides. You may not be the best tactician. But you're at least honest about it. Many would try to conceal their failures. Be remembered by history as geniuses. War heroes!

You may be remembered as a bit of an incompetent fool, but... you know what? You'll be the incompetent fool who saved Archanea. Good enough, wouldn't you say?

...I'm still not throughoutly convinced. The army doesn't like me. Leiden is always trying to avoid me, Athena hates me, I don't think father Frost will like me after I mugged him...

Nonsense. They all think you're fine. Flawed, but who isn't? They are all worried about you.

Well, not Athena, but I'm pretty sure if you apologize and stop being so... forthcoming with her, she'll forgive you.

...perhaps... but...

There's another reason I hurried here. As we were discussing how we would bring you back... somebody came in. He volunteered to be the new tactician.

I bet anybody in the army could do a better job than me.

The rest of us are smart enough to understand that we are no tacticians. But he was pretty confident in his chances.

What is the problem, then? Why come this far to bring me back?

When we asked why he was so confident, he said, and I quote: "my unwavering loyalty to Prince Marth shall allow me to destroy every enemy that gets in our way!".

...no... anyone but...

Then he claimed he had to train his strategizing. See where I'm going with this?

...well... I still... don't think I am the most suitable individual for this, but...

If I let Pretzel take control, I would never sleep well again, knowing I left you all in the hands of the stupidest man in all of Archanea.

Very well. I'm going back.

Thank Naga. When you left, we were forced to pull back. We could barely get Sir Matthis, Princess Yumina and Prince Marth out of there...

You mean they're alive?!

We feared for their lives, but yes, they're fine now. Matthis and Yumina are both too scared to go back into the battlefield, though...

...tell them this: I've got a plan that will ensure their survival. Please, trust me.

It's certainly a better idea than to trust Pretzel!

...he's definitely back. I'm not sure if I should be happy, or...

Sorry?

Nothing. Stay still. Father Frost said the rescue staff would be ready any minute now.

...

Well, that was cheesy.

Part 39 - Redemption.

19 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Personally, I'm rather partial to Gangrel's diving speech.

Is this the new way of bullying me? Talking about the 3DS games non-stop so I am utterly lost all the time?

As for the rest of the update...that was...masterful. Everything, spiraling downwards into failure...until finally...it ends. Then, another chance appears. A window of hope. It was simply...breathtaking. Definitely the most emotional update of the entire Let's Play.

Why, thank you. It was all improvised.

 

19 hours ago, Dayni said:

I could have been referring to a certain other character, but that would lead me down a rabbit hole of frustration describing that one. I'd rather avoid doing so in this thread, sorry.

As you wish.

That was a trip of an ending. After all that, right when it might have it didn't work out. And all because Starlight didn't show up in the convoy during the chapter. No wonder that snap happened.

Not quite the ending yet. I still have some fight left in me. Enough to bring down Gharnef and his boss.

 

19 hours ago, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Has enloquecido por completo. La muerte de Matthis va a joder todo. Suerte.

What's with the spanish? Yes, I am spanish and I joke about it a lot, but first and foremost, this is an english LP! Think of the poor english viewers who can't understand a single word of what you said!

Here, I'll translate for them.

"Oh, God, Oh, God. Oh, God. You've gone completely insane. Matthis' death is going to fuck everything up. Good luck."

Nah, I've got a plan. And it won't involve dishonorably resetting, thank you very much.

 

18 hours ago, Franp3 said:

hahahahaha oh my god, how did I never notice that? Although most of the SNES-era artworks look derpy as hell.

It does, but that one's especially derpy. It's like, "how do we represent this rebellious noble kind of character?" "MAKE HIM DANCE WITH HIS AXE LIKE AN IDIOT!"

Every insult that comes out of Valter's mouth is pure gold. Yet another great character ruined by Heroes ;_;

Exactly. I will never understand why FE8's plot is so hated. Sure, the protagonists are its lowest point, but more or less everyone else is awesome.

Also, I simply loved his death quote. So, so fuckin' ironic.

No problem! Julian just needs to hand over 30.000 gold to Yumina and... wait, wrong game.

You really do love Genealogy, don't you?

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

No, indeed.

Oh, come now! That's just rubbing salt on the wound. You're all lucky I've a plan, otherwise I might've quit for real.

I'm trying really hard not to make an FE4 reference.

...

...

:Clutches Naga tome:

I honestly prefer FE5 when it comes to powerful weapons. Nobody in the entire series has had a weapon quite as powerful as Kempf's trap! IN AMERICA!

Forced, I know, but I just wanted to make that reference.

Ese final... Santa puta Ruben. Matthis general, tu que moriste por nuestros pecados, proteje este LP de su propio creador.

God damnit, not again!

El Contador de Reinicios Deshonorables sigue ahí si estas interesado.

"That ending... holy shit, Ruben. General Matthis, you who died for our sins, protect this LP from its own creator.

The Dishonorable Reset Counter is still there if you're interested"

No, blistering barnacles, NO! I've a god damn plan!

You guys are driving me nuts again. Damn each and every one of you!

No, wait, Knightofnohr's good. He deserves not eternal damnation.

And I'll wait 'till the end of the LP to damn each and every one of you expect Knightofnohr, so as to maximize the amount of views.

But after that! Damn each and every one of you to hell!

 

17 hours ago, Hylian Air Force said:

AEIOU, in burro juego Fire Emblem mas que tu.

Ahem. No offense but...

 

 

4 hours ago, deskita said:

I think that update practically summarised the title of this lets play.

Pretty much, yeah. I was expecting to fail, due to my lack of knowledge, but... not this spectacularly!

 

Spoiler

Ironically, this unlocked Tomas' first conversation in the actual save file. That's about all that is remarkable about today's free stuff. Even his "how's everyone" quote is amazing. Why isn't this guy a meme? If Wrys can be a meme for sucking ass and being ugly and old, so can Tomas. Except for the old part.

Let's get to it! I cannot despair now. We're so close to the end!

Capped skill.

Don't waste the Gradivus. It'll be pivotal later on.

It feels so good to be calm. Let's see how long it lasts.

If I don't win today, I'm quitting. Warning you all right now.

Look, a great level-up. Hm. Maybe I'll give Marth a few rounds at the drill grounds. We could really use a good Marth in the finale.

That's the good thing about Marth. He's bad because I neglected him, not because he's a bad Lord. A.K.A. he's bad about I'm bad.

But yeah, otherwise, I rather like him as a Lord. Not as much as Ephraim, though. I would say Hector, but Hector's just a slightly better Roy in his route and I find him to be painfully overrated. Just as FE7 in general.

I can understand why people like it, it's objectively a very well-polished game, but I just don't like it.

Anyway. Back to the present.

Initiate Operation CTTOG (Castor's Two Turns Of Glory).

Like so.

Pain. But he'll be juuuust fine.

Meteoric people.

These guys are moving closer. Let's make sure they don't reach us.

...I'm feeling dejá vu. And I don't think that's what I want to feel.

Nagi, whoa. If only the finale didn't force me to bring 4 people... I'm not sure I'll be able to bring you.

Time to go on the offensive!

Onslaught ensues.

Hang in there, Matthis. Today will be your last battle. So say the rules. But I've got a plan.

Yes, yes, I realise I've already broken the rules by not disarming Matthis and Yumina and throwing them into the enemy. Give me a break! ...me!

Perish. But, calmly so, this time.

On the bright side, now you'll be up there with your dear asteroids!

Rubencare.

Also known as apocalypse.

Wait, no, that's too mild.

These guys are so tiresome. Why do I love FE6, again?

Leiden's the man. Shame, he didn't get a point of defense this time, so Athena's officially tankier than him. But still. He's about on par with her in terms of usefulness. As I've said about a billion times.

It seems I've ran out of ideas. But don't worry, I've a supreme plan that'll fix it all. Not this, but still. Since I've ran out of ideas, I have to bring my master plan up.

Goddamnit,IforgotaboutCastor.jpg

First things first, move Castor. I'm not forgetting you again, buddy. I better not, you'll die next turn unless I do something about it.

I honestly prefer this level-up to the one Castor got last time. Max strength. What a way to, most likely, end your growth, because I think you're pretty high in the "people to bench for Julian" list.

Still, it would be a shame for you to die when you're so close to surviving this war against all odds.

Etzel heals as well.

What? Not so strong now that you don't have a dragon overthere to finish him off, eh?

Urgh! Stupid Buzz Sorcerear!

Pfft. I love myself sometimes. Not that often, though.

Ahem, I'm begging you, please die.

Not you, though. I've great plans for you.

I want Etzel to get back to double As as soon as possible. I want him to kill Gharnef, after all!

Let's try something different this time. If I played by the rules, I'd just send Matthis to die again. But since when do we play by the rules? Screw them.

More healing for Tom.

You're so annoying. Also, I just forgot about Castor again, and didn't make him murder the Sorcerer. Joy.

Another two Sorcerers try to murder us. Their efforts are equally as futile, but not equally as lethal. For them, that is!

I'm honestly kind of surprised. I kept on healing Castor, but I forgot to make him kill the Sorcerer for a million turns.

Anyway, Etzel! No! Bad Etzel! Don't do that! We don't want you to resemble your son!

Nah, just kidding. Your son's got nothing on you.

More healing! More forgetting!

Oh, never mind, I actually did remember to make him do it this time. Huh. Kudos to me.

Okay, remember when I said I had great plans for Tomas? Well, you'll see next turn.

But first, more of this. Are you tired of this picture yet?

Okay, we're almost ready.

First, though, A staves.

And then some more.

Aaaaaand here we go! I'll be taking out the glowing bastards with the longbow.

Not so high and mighty now, are you? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! DIEEEE! PERISH FOR YOUR SINS!

That was throughoutly enjoyable. But we've work to do. Focus.

Again, don't waste the Gradivus. 10 uses should be enough for tomorrow. I shouldn't need its power again in this map.

Healing, as always. Man, thank God this isn't like Thracia where staves miss. In America!

More meteoric bastards. Also, that could've been bad, but wasn't because Ymir has a big bucket of HP to spare.

The draconian infantry, predictably, go after the frontliners. And Tomas. I'm not worried about Tomas, though. He still has 17 defense.

There's a hammerne staff in that chest. But I don't think we'll be needing it. It'll be all over tomorrow, after all. And I will not have the deployment slots to bring Malicia.

Hah. What's up with that leg? Are you a little girl now, Tomas? Do as you wish, so long as it means the enemy loses its life.

More experience. I'll have to get Etzel his A tome rank eventually, but there's no hurry. It only takes him one battle, after all.

I make Feena dance for him, so he's ready to heal again.

Ymir will need some if he is to survive.

He got a point of defense last time, perhaps? I can't remember. Oh well. It doesn't matter. He's still awesome. And also has 0 resistance, which is pretty bad when the lategame is filled to the brim with spellcasters.

Okay! Time for the last of Gharnef's draconian forces to die!

There we go. A tomes. And a sizeable amount of experience for Etzel, too!

Yumina does some healing. She won't be fighting today at all, I think. That's good, isn't it? Getting remotely close to following the rules.

Mm... I think he'll live.

Oh.

Well, I mean I ah... there's nobody else in range to kill him, right?

...

Ymir dodged both attacks. Case closed. Nothing happened here.

That'll be a level-up for the best Sorcerer.

Excellent.

And down he goes. Enough of you fleas and your fleas!

Everybody else still in range of the meteoric Sorcerers retreats for some healing.

Okay. And now...

The time has come. It's all or nothing!

Two down, two to go. Gharnef doesn't count because he's, quite honestly, the least dangerous of the lot.

And that's it for the meteoric Sorcerers. But I'm scared of the glower. I don't think any of those guys can survive an Imhullu blow and a Glower hit.

Hmmm... okay, got it.

Well, then. You're surrounded, Gharnef. Will you surrender, or shall we put you down?

You know what? I think we'll put you down either way.

There you go, Etzel. You need the experience more.

Aaaaaaand fortify! We're almost there. And no deaths! Don't worry about Matthis and Yumina. I've got a plan.

Gharnef goes for Roshea. Unfortunately for him, Roshea is much too fast.

Jeez, these guys are getting really close now. I'd rather avoid fighting them.

Let's prepare for the Battle of the Resurrected Sorcerers.

Everybody not called Etzel moves south.

As for Etzel himself...

I have been looking forward to this moment. Oh, have I BEEN looking forward to this moment!

Starlight has an awesome animation.

As does Imhullu. Truly a clash of titans.

But only MY titan will prevail!

As if there weren't enough reinforcements already. Piss off! We're busy watching Etzel massacre your leader.

Almost there... almost theereee...

Piss off! You're only delaying the inevitable!

Oh, gee. How very wounded is Etzel. We're going to lose him! You win, Gharnef..-

Surprise!

Surprise!

Back to hell with you!

HELL YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH That was satisfying enough.

Oh, not if I can prevent it, my friend.

Wait, what's going on?

Gah!

Jesus! What happened to him?!

Jeez... If only this happened in the actual game.

We have won! We have won! Rejoice, everybody!

Everybody...

Of course, it is at this moment that I should sacrifice Matthis and Yumina.

But you know what?

I won't.

Why? Because Matthis and Yumina have both been amazing units. They've done so much for us. We wouldn't have come this far without them.

So, I'm going to honorably discharge them to make way for some more princess recruiters. I obviously would've never benched these two otherwise, but since they're technically dead and I want them to survive, why not? It serves the same purpouse anyway.

You've fought well, Matthis. You deserve to behave like the lazy asshole you are. And you, Yumina? You're royalty. Grust would be lost if you were to die.

Go, my friends! Go, and sit proudly on the bench!

Yeah, that was my supreme plan. You got a problem with that? It was either that or quitting.

I've also... a supreme plan for this guy. Hohohoh. Just you wait...

Tomorrow...

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 11 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 4)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice
                       Matthis**
                       Yumina**

*Retreated.

**Honorably discharged.

 

[Franp3]

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Forced, I know, but I just wanted to make that reference.

No prob, I know the feeling. What do you think I've been doing for the entire LP?

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

You really do love Genealogy, don't you?

It's not so much that I like it (POR might take its place in the near future), but that it has so many cheap memes to exploit.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Knightofnohr's good. He deserves not eternal damnation.

Congratulations, Knightofnohr! You're the only person in this thread that isn't pedantic, annoying, or a downright horrible person!

 

2 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Hang in there, Matthis. Today will be your last battle. So say the rules. But I've got a plan.

Aaaaaaand that's every single self-imposed rule broken for this LP. I'm speechless.

 

2 hours ago, Rubenio said:

I know it's far too late for this kind of stuff, but...

THE FE12 IRONMAN LP DRINKING GAME

Materials needed:

• 6 bottles of alcohol. [1][2]
• A small glass, of approx. 200ml.

[1] On average, per update.
[2] Vodka is prefered, but beer or wine may be used depending on your tolerance.

Da Rools:

• Take a shot every time you see a bad level.
• That is all.

99% of test subjects pass out before 50 screencaps.

[Dinkiniensis Pontifex]

I don't care how many rules you've broken, I'm just glad you've even considered using units like Ymir or Roshea. I made this kind of post before, but it bears repeating. Barlowe's Benchwarmer Brigade will rise again!

[KnightOfNohr]

I have nothing to say or do but to continue to offer my support! Keep on fighting, Ruben.io!

[Saint Rubenio]

Part 39.5 - Preparations.

Small update now. I want to get the preparations out of the way, as well as talk a little about the most important people of the LP.

This is your excuse for today? "I'm preparing so I'll just... sort of do nothing for the rest of the day!"?

Why, you little...

What? It's the truth.

It's not the truth! Today there'll be a normal update. Mark my--

Actually, scratch that, don't mark 'em. But it'll happen!

...

Anyway.

9 hours ago, Franp3 said:

No prob, I know the feeling. What do you think I've been doing for the entire LP?

Heh. Yeah... the intro to the last update was supposed to be a reference to Batman V Superman, but I forgot to throw in the infamous "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!". So, instead, enjoy Valter's death quote.

It's not so much that I like it (POR might take its place in the near future), but that it has so many cheap memes to exploit.

I thought Reinhardt was in Thracia.

Congratulations, Knightofnohr! You're the only person in this thread that isn't pedantic, annoying, or a downright horrible person!

Three hurrahs for him. By the way, just out of curiousity, which one of those am I?

...all three of them, yeah, of course. Don't mind me, just answering my own question.

Aaaaaaand that's every single self-imposed rule broken for this LP. I'm speechless.

OBJECTION!

On 28/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, Rubenio said:

As of the Bond Drop, the Rainbow Potion, and the lunatic statboosters, I won't be using them.

Oh wait, I especifically mentioned the Bond Drop. Uhhh...

On 28/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, Rubenio said:

I won't be allowed to change anything in the prepscreen, either. If I have to reset five times because I forgot to give Marth the starsphere the first time, so be it.

I never did change anything in the prepscreen! Yeah! What have you got to say now?!

I know it's far too late for this kind of stuff, but...

THE FE12 IRONMAN LP DRINKING GAME

Materials needed:

• 6 bottles of alcohol. [1][2]
• A small glass, of approx. 200ml.

[1] On average, per update.
[2] Vodka is prefered, but beer or wine may be used depending on your tolerance.

Da Rools:

• Take a shot every time you see a bad level.
• That is all.

99% of test subjects pass out before 50 screencaps.

The most I've ever drank is half a beer. Yeah. I think soda would work for one such as I.

 

9 hours ago, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

I don't care how many rules you've broken, I'm just glad you've even considered using units like Ymir or Roshea.

Well, yeah, that was my intention. God knows I never considered myself good enough to turn this into something professional. I spent a couple days pondering on whether I should do this piece of crap or not, in fact. But I'm glad I decided to go ahead.

I made this kind of post before, but it bears repeating. Barlowe's Benchwarmer Brigade will rise again!

Barlowe's Benchwarmer Brigade, lead by a benchwarmer of a tactician. I must say, part of the reason why I'm doing this small update right now is that you made my day and I wanted to tell you before I forgot.

 

8 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

I have nothing to say or do but to continue to offer my support! Keep on fighting, Ruben.io!

Thanks a lot. We're not stopping now! Not until Medeus is dead!

And, well, the chronicles and dlc chapters. But that's secondary.

Spoiler

I'll show the plot tomorrow.

As promised, our best units have been sent to the bench. I hope Rody, Luke, Ryan and the like don't feel too bad sitting next to them.

Roshea, Castor and Nagi are also benched. Roshea and Castor both have better counterparts, and Nagi... I would like to bring Nagi, but I don't have enough slots.

All I want from these dumbasses is movement. If I had a master seal lying around, I would promote Merric for 10 move, but since I sold them all, I'll have to settle for 9. It's still better than Julian's infantry range.

Etzel takes the statboosters I had prepared for him. He's worse than Yumina, but he'll do fine.

Speaking of the devil, she hands over her fortify staff to Frost.

As well as giving back the Excalibur to Etzel.

Okay. And now, it's time for...

The last training montage!

A couple battles later, he's ready.

Nice! That's very, very nice!

I sell even more crap we'll never need, and Marth grabs the Falcion.

Time to catch up to the team, Marth.

The levels were nothing special, but look at that sweet chain! He lucked out and critted twice in the third battle, but still. Quite impressing.

Well, that should be enough.

Okay. Time for a roll call!

Marth. Marth was... unfortunate. I kept neglecting him for other units, resulting in him being about as useful as Roy. But he's a pretty good Lord. Good growths and all. But of course, we're talking about my Marth. He was consistently bad throughout the entire game. But it was my own fault, so don't hold it against Marth.

Athena. Athena was a bit of a late bloomer. She returned late and painfully underleveled, but her great level-ups in the prologue gave me hope. And, well, just look at her. Probably my best unit right now, surpassing even Matthis thanks to her excellent luck and resistance.

Leiden. Leiden showed up right when I lost Frey, so he took his spot as the combat Paladin. As we all know, his beginning was amazing, and he only kept on improving afterwards. With three capped stats and everything but res over 20, he's an amazing unit that, while slightly worse than Athena, is still ludicrously powerful.

Etzel. Our designated healer for a long, long time. He's often considered to be the best magic user in the game, and for good reason. His durability is unparalleled, and while his low bases hold him back somewhat, he's still a very solid unit all around. So solid, he's here with us when he shouldn't be.

Frost, Frost, Frost. I think I used him once before, but don't take my word for it, if I did, it was in my second playthrough or something like that. I can't remember. Maybe I gave up on him.

Frost is, well, not good. His luck and defense basically mean he'll crumble down and die if I let any dragons get close to him. But as a healer? He's the best there is. Why? Because his magic is pretty good, and unlike Etzel and Yumina, he almost never had anything else to do. He may only heal, but he does that well.

Heheheheh. Tomas, the forgettable Sniper. Still here. Hope you didn't forget about him. Again.

He's a better Castor with lesser movement. But his superior defense is what sets him apart from the wimpy Hunter. He's a very reliable Sniper in a game where Snipers are uncharacteristically good. Sure, sure, Ryan would've been better, but do you think I care? I don't think you think that after all this time.

Ymir. Replacing...

Dice. Here is his last level-up.

Ymir is, basically, what Dice would've been if I hadn't lost him. They're both pretty much the same: unlucky units with absolutely amazing offensive stats that die if they're hit a couple of times. They've both been useful in their times, so I'm happy about both of them, even if I did lose Dice.

Speaking of late replacements, here's the worst unit in the game, replacing...

Robert. Who, in turn, replaced...

Cecille. Looks like the Swordmaster class is cursed. Maybe that's why Roshea lived, I reclassed him to Hero in time.

Let's talk about her first. Cecille was really, really good offensively. But her durability was the worst in the team, leaving a certain someone aside. And that cost her her life.

Robert was a stronger Roshea with worse defenses, which eventually proved to be his downfall as well.

Honestly, I think Roshea turned out better than either of them, if only because of his superior defense, but they all pale in comparison to Athena, who also flies. Still, I'm happy with them all.

Feena. I never use dancers, but Feena proved to be invaluable quite often. If only the other Dancers were this great...

That's it for the final team.

Now, for the ones who won't be coming with us today/tomorrow/whenever...

Matthis, my best unit for almost the entire game. His usefulness decayed somewhat when spellcasters became commonplace, due to his lesser resistance compared to Athena.

And, no, reclassing to another class wouldn't have helped, he would've been a worse Leiden with slightly better defense. But still. Even though he fell behind later on, he still was God for almost the entire game. An irreplacable unit, and I'm glad I used him. It was a lot of fun.

Yumina, the best mage ever, fell prey of her mediocre defenses in the end. But, much like Matthis, once she got out of her really weak beginning, she turned into one of my best units. C staves after promoting was, certainly, very helpful, and it alone made her much more useful than...

Elrean. In the end, he became the team's new castor, relegated to being the fourth backup healer, mostly healing the other healers or people who weren't in range of anybody else. The reason? The others just outclassed him everywhere: he was less powerful than Yumina, and only equally as durable as Etzel while losing to him and Frost in the healing department. Not very good, but he had his chapters of glory (mainly before Yumina promoted), and his supports with Pretzel were the best, so I'm glad I used him.

Who else...

Of course, Minerva! I tried using Minerva. Well. At least she won't do as badly as she normally would've in the finale.

I would make the joke of forgetting about Castor, but that would mean putting him below a certain someone, and we can't have that.

Castor's amazing. He has puny defenses, he's only slightly better than Tomas, and yet, here he is. Never died, was deployed in pretty much every non-gaiden chapter, and was consistently left in the rear. Congratulations. You survived against all odds. You magnificently bad con artist.

Is that it? I think that's it.

Very well... only one unit left.

Jesus Christ. You know, Elrean? There was someone worse than you.

Pretzel was a second Wrys. But, unlike Wrys, he didn't get the entire earlygame worth of being a great healer when we had no other option. Nah, he was just an underwhelming Mage with absolutely terrible durability. And then I promoted him early because that was the only way to justify his presence in the team.

I tried. I really did. But in the end, I only deployed him for the conversations, and once it became obvious that he wouldn't get anymore, I just gave him the boot.

Go tell the pros. There's a new low when it comes to magic users in this game. Yubello, all is forgiven.

And that's it! A little prelude to the grand finale. Place your bets: do you think someone else will die, or will I defeat Medeus with no more casualties?

 

[KnightOfNohr]

You know, I once fell into a state similar to a drunken stupor by drinking 4 cans of soda. Now(it is considered grammatically incorrect to start a sentence with "And"), I am not allowed to have more than one can.

[Punished Dayni]

And of course Pretzel's there just to be laughed at once again (And terrify with the what if of him taking over, the one thing to take you away from SM64). Truth be told, I've never had a amazing Chris, and that's even on lower difficulties!

At least the once dead sorcerers had their fun this time round. Though I wonder your plans with Gharnef this time. Also, I'd place a bet, but it's probably for the best I don't.

[Saint Rubenio]

Lorenz...

Linde...

Samto...

Navarre...

Arran...

Norne...

Roger...

Cain...

Frey...

Cecille...

Abel...

Sedgar...

Wolf...

Robert...

Dice...

Boah...

Hardin...

And Eremiah...

Today, your deaths shall be avenged!

Part 40 - The grand finale.

Oh, by the way, I'd like to ask. What did you think of the whole "death portraits" idea? Were they good, were some of them salvageable, or were they just hard to look at? Did you like the idea, or did you absolutely despise me for it? Just want some feedback, in case I ever do another LP (and, well, you know I would like to). I mean, I loved this magnificent trainwreck, but... fool me once, fool me twice, etc., etc.

(And just out of curiousity... if there's any, which of the edits is your favourite? At risk of sounding arrogant, I personally really like what I did to Arran. He looks absolutely pitiful, Jesus. And his expression fits his rather bittersweet death quote)

Of course, a few of them are missing here, and the sepia effect does not help, but... you know... you've been here watching the LP! You can't have forgotten it all already! ...hopefully!

On to the replies.

9 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

You know, I once fell into a state similar to a drunken stupor by drinking 4 cans of soda. Now(it is considered grammatically incorrect to start a sentence with "And"), I am not allowed to have more than one can.

I once acted like a drunkard having drunk nothing beforehand. Wait, it was more than once. With more friends than one.

It's called "being an idiot". I don't think we need any more proof of that.

 

9 hours ago, Dayni said:

And of course Pretzel's there just to be laughed at once again (And terrify with the what if of him taking over, the one thing to take you away from SM64).

One of these days, I'll have to get around to finishing that game. I usually get tired around the 80 stars. Besides, benching Luigi for one of the others dumbasses just to grab a specific star is not fun. I already hated to be forced to use Mario for the final battle... but I digress. This is Serenesforest, not MFGG.

Truth be told, I've never had a amazing Chris, and that's even on lower difficulties!

Well, I've always had an amazing Chris, and that's even on the higher difficulties! I've only played maniac once, granted, but... great female Archer. Jeez.

At least the once dead sorcerers had their fun this time round. Though I wonder your plans with Gharnef this time.

Maybe that was just an elaborate death edit because I obviously wouldn't make a ghost bleed...

But what if it wasn't!?!?!

Nah, it was.

But what if it wasn't?!?!?!!?!?!

Also, I'd place a bet, but it's probably for the best I don't.

Yeah, you'd have jinxed it.

Spoiler

It is time.

I hope all of us. We've lost enough people, as proven by the excruciatingly long introduction.

Yeah, what are you babbling about this time, you dumb kid?

Oh, this is just unbelievable. A fuckin' fortune-teller?! Seriously? And you bought her ramblings? Everybody with a quarter of a brain knows these are all scammers and con artists!

Although, if the average con artist of Archanea looks anything like Castor, then maaaaybe I could wrap my head around you buying that lady's crap. After all, there is only one person stupider than Castor in this army...

I would leave it there, but you wouldn't get it. It's you, Pretzel.

Surprisingly enough, this changes depending on the traits given to the Avatar all the way back in the beginning. Recluses live out their lives quietly.

Really, now?

Yeah, she... definitely was a scammer.

Awfully long, indeed.

I don't think those two outcomes are entirely incompatible.

Sure. Whatever makes you feel better, Marth.

The last round of free crap. I almost feel nostalgic. Then I remember we started this just a month ago. Meh. Good things never last. I suppose this is the exception that confirms the rule?

Nobody is in the mood for talking. Very well, then. I, too, am eager to begin. Let us move out!

But first, Marth needs his glasses. Hold on...

Ah, there they are!

Better now? Can you see the giant purple dragon standing between the women? You know, the one that quintuplicates their size?

No kidding. The reason I like this final battle better than other final battles is the fact that there are more things to do than "kill boss". You have to wade through wave after wave of dragons while defending (worst case scenario, and the one we got) four defenseless scrubs, move them inside the final boss' range to recruit their princess, and get them back to safety in one turn, or else they die, all while trying not to get overwhelmed by the dragons. And even if you don't want to save the princesses, you still have to waste four units to kill them. Leaving them open to Medeus' attacks.

Really, much like most FE final bosses, Medeus is the least of your worries here. However, there are more worries here, at least.

Well. That was helpful.

No, Marth, he means to--

Ah, screw it, he's in denial.

Franp3: Fucking nonsense.

Shut up, Franp. I am not in denial about anything. I don't know what you're talking about.

He is right, Marth. What is your response?

It's okay, Marthy. Take your time. Cry some if you wish. We'll wait.

Okay. Thank you.

Ditto. Let'sa go!

Before we are allowed to move, Marth uses the shield to instantly vaporize the earth dragons. See what I meant when I said we only really got to face off against Hardin's dragon?

Not much else to do in this first turn but to move up.

You know, I hate this game's crit rates. Everyone always seems to have a 10~ percent chance of screwing up a plan, at best! You end up hoping for normal hits most of the time.

See? I mean, he's a Berserker, it's at least somewhat understandable. But c'mon! A Sorcerer?

The clerics start using their staves. Lena and Maria are useless, but Elice and Nyna are both equipped with fortify staves.

That's... an awful lot of dragons.

But no matter. We're the masters of the second-hit criticals. We'll obliterate everybody, after they take a shot at us. It would be ungentlemanly to do otherwise.

Also, Ymir gets even more awesome. He still worries me, though. He's slightly weaker than Tomas, and Tomas doesn't need to take a volley of fire to the face in order to get a chance at killing people. That's the only reason he's still alive, really. Every other non-magic unit with average defenses like that not named Castor is dead.

Like so. Wyverns are such a non-issue at this stage of the game.

More death. Not much else we can do. I do think they outnumber us, though. Considering half our team don't count towards the "combat unit" total...

We've 6 combat units, to be precise. That's gaiden chapter numbers, right there. Thanks, IntSys, for not allowing me to recruit Elice with Marth and Lena with Matthis.

Not that it would've mattered much. Marth would've been busy Falchion'ing Medeus and Matthis has been honorably discharged. But still!

 

Etzel destroys a Wyvern. But there are still way too many enemies, way too close. The future looks grim...

One more.

And that is it. Brace for impact, everyone.

Oh, look, an earth dragon! Such fright flowing through my heart as of this moment.

YIKES 32% CRIT! That was a one-in-three chance of losing Etzel! Fucking crits.

Marth is doing well today. I really do wish I had trained him better. But that's okay. He can redeem himself today.

Nobody crits this turn, so we don't lose. Phew.

Well, sorry, Athena did crit, but since she was using the javelin, it was actually good. And I think Leiden could've afforded to crit, since there was only one Wyvern in range, and he could take the damage easily. But still, the important thing is that Etzel didn't die again.

Why, you...

And that's it for the little dragon that couldn't (reach the frontlines).

Our turn. Suffer!

None shall live!

This is mercy for them, if what Xane told us back at Anri's way is true.

I wanted to see if I could be hilarious and set up a kill for Minerva. No such luck.

Remember what I said about her performing better than usual? Well, all that means is that she doesn't get one-rounded by Wyverns. The end. Still dead weight.

Our favourite replacement units get to work. These two are my best chance at defeating Medeus, I would say. Marth would take three turns, and we can't have that.

Two can play that game! Fortify!

And again!

Never mind. I wanted to rescue Leiden to see if I could fill the gap next to Tomas.

No such luck. Stupid game mechanics that don't allow me to chose where I want to place the rescued character... no! Not Frost! What of his children!?

But, you know?

Turns out, our terrible Sage isn't as terrible as we thought he was. You were right, Serra. He's a decent Sage. Decent enough to survive a dragon. And the best part is: decent enough not to be able to kill him with a crit! Thanks, Frost, for lacking the power to screw yourself over a 30% chance to crit. Thank you truly.

Speaking of the man, he did volatilized his assailant this time. But it doesn't matter, because nobody else is in range.

Instead, they decide to kill themselves on Marth.

Make way, bitches. Marth is on his way to redemption!

As I am...

We will win. Both our dignities demand we do, Marth!

Oh, why you little...

Retaliate!

Wohohohoh. He's still behind in every single one of his averages, but oh well. Can't have everything, I suppose.

I settle for just recovering Etzel, because I really need to save up that fortify staff. Who knows, it might come in handy next chapter!

Parthia is such a good bow. It helps that they finally gave Snipers the innate crit chance they always needed. I never understood that in the GBA games. They gave the sword-locked and axe-locked units a crit chance, but left the Snipers without a single redeeming quality. DS!Snipers are, in my opinion, the best designed Snipers in the series. They make up for their lack of enemy phase by being amazing. And, since they can't retaliate at melee range, they don't risk their high crit screwing them over!

Okay, this time for real: two can play that game, Medeus! DOUBLE FORTIFY!

Only four dragons. Medeus is starting to run out of troops to throw at us.

And now he's got even less!

And even less! And even, even, EVEN less! he's so dead. We're almost there.

Marth reaches his level cap. I checked: while it is true that he's capped speed and skill, he's behind or on par everywhere else. Because they can't allow me to have a good unit, right? They just let me get a godly Matthis out of pity.

Well, I'll show 'em pity.

Oooooff! I hope nobody else is in range...

Oh. Okay.

Well. That's that taken care of.

I think this is the perfect chance to start recruiting princesses! The recruiters are a bit behind, but they can all get there except for Merric.

Stupid Merric. Failure of a man. Elrean was always better.

Okay. First, my personal favourite of the bunch.

If you remember, Julian joined us in chapter 3 to find Lena. He's been all this time (1 full year, remember) searching for her, and now she finds her here, as naught but a pile of soulless flesh to be sacrificed to Medeus. That's gotta hurt.

Thankfully...

The POWAH of love overcomes all obstacles!

You've been struggling for a year!? Blistering barnacles, how have you not died of spiritual exhaustion?

Kinda, yes.

But he likes you for it.

Well, I'm not sure... you're very lacking in the power depa--

Oh. Bwahahah. D'awwwwwww.

Well, well. How is Julian going to react to that?

Of course, he just panics and almost bites his tongue off. I can relate, that was my reaction that one time I was horny. Except I didn't, because I never did talk to her.

Sheesh, I'm a nerdy sad sack.

But you know what? I'm proud of being a nerd. I'm fuckin' proud of sitting here, trash talking a bunch of pixels and anime at 2 AM. Livin' the good life overhere! Ahem.

And with that sweet, memorable line, the dialogue does not end, but instead goes on to a really cliche "you mean the world to me" moment that I cut because I humbly believe this is a much better note to end the recruitment on.

Speaking of which, this always makes me smile. I don't know why, it's just heartwarming, unlike the others which range from being sad to being boring.

'Suppose I could talk about them as units.

Lena is useless. She can rescue her boyfriend out of the way and that's pretty much it. But her job is not to be a unit, her job is to be a walking objective, so it's fine. This applies to Maria, as well.

Just like so. Go ahead, you may do things to her, you two aren't going to be in any danger. Don't mind the old guy watching. This whole thing reminds him of his daughter's marriage.

Maria. If I'm not mistaken, one of the most hated characters in the DS duology.

Right from the very beginning, this is already worse than Julian and Lena. If this is all it took, literally anybody could've done it.

"Hey, Maria, it'sa me, Minerva!"

"AHHHH MEDEUS BLAGLAFFHFLAALGAGLALFHA"

"Just kidding, I'm Tomas. Do me a favour, go put this apple on Medeus' eye while he still thinks you're one of his mindless 1-UP 'shrooms. Thank you!"

Minerva, hate to break it to ya, but that was Rucke's fault for putting you in the Jail Cell with a Window on the Floor. I think if anybody should apologize, it's him. But we already used the Aum staff.

No, he fought Gharnef to save the Starlight, knowing that would result in Marth saving you. So, yeah, indirectly, he fought Gharnef to save you.

Wait, if I ended up admitting she was right, why did I bother trying to correct her...

AAACK, my brain!

Yeah, he's fine. No need to hesitate. He's still an asshole, but ehhh.

This was made to work for both scenarios. Except, they didn't change it at all from the FE3 version where he died no matter what. So, basically, either Minerva hides the fact that Michalis died from Maria, or she appears all doubtful when, really, he's perfectly fine, making her worry for nothing. Minerva! Why, you snivelling biogas!

I'll use this chance to show medeus' stats. Yeah. You thought Hardin was bad? Well, let me tell you, he was WAY worse. Firstly, he had a throne, making it a tad inconvenient to damage him. Secondly, he was inmune to all damage except for that inflicted by the carrier of the Lightsphere, making it even more awkward to damage him. And, finally, he was positioned between walls, making it EVEN more awkward to damage him.

Medeus? Medeus is better statistically, but that's about it. He has the signature Fire Emblem Final Boss Weakness™ that makes them incredibly easy to kill. But at least he's got a name, unlike FE7's dragon.

Remember how Hardin took us 3 turns, and only because we got a crit? Yeah... just you wait.

There we go, the Macedonian princesses are safe. Frost will be delighted to hear that.

Next up is Nyna.

This one is just sad. She's also the only one who talks before being brought back to her senses. Well, leaving aside their robotic battle quotes.

I'm actually glad somebody told her Hardin's last message. How this guy came to know about it is beyond me, though...

Oh, of course, he was looking through that window. How come I never noticed that?

Pffft. I'm such a genial comedian.

Well...

Yeah, according to him, it is!

That was believable.

"CAMUS! MY LOVE!"

"NGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I know not of this Camus. One of the most famous warriors in Archanea. This Camus."

"...Camus?"

"NGAHHHHAAAHHH I seriously don't know him, stop asking."

"Camus!"

"GUARGH! SHUT IT WOMAN!"

"Camus! Camus! Camus! Camus Camus Camus Camus!"

"UNH I HUUURGH don't AAARCCCK know IIIIIIINNNGH who PAAAAAAAH you're BLAAAEEERRRGH talking AAAAAAAAAAAAAH about! AURRGGHAHAHANABLAAAAHRFEFEFEFLGLALSAH!!!"

That was so dumb, I love it and myself.

"You're wrong about your own identity, Camus!"

"AAAAAAAARRRRRStaph iiiiit! I think half my skeleton is broken by now!"

Yeah, do that before I get any more dumb.

Smooth. Real smooth.

I would've liked it better if she then reverted to being insane and you had to talk to her with Linde or something.

We would be screwed, then. So maybe it's for the best that this trainwreck of a conversation works.

You sure do look grateful.

Hrrrmmh. Ahem. Harruummph! HRRRGH! Hmph hmph. Cough cough. Haaack. Hurmph.

Sorry. Just getting my throat ready for what is to come...

 

 

 

 

 

SMOOTH, CAMUS.

REAL SMOOTH.

YOU WANNA REMOVE YOUR MASK WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!?

WHY NOT EXPLAIN IN DETAIL WHO TATIANA IS, AS WELL?!?

Yeah, let's go, and move on from this.

Maria's stats because I forgot to show them, and Nyna's.

What sets Nyna and Elice apart from Maria and Lena is that they are capable of using fortify. They can be of some minor use in their one turn of existance.

But of course, we got Frost who's the best fortifier ever, so we don't need them.

I've just realised, I've always ended up talking about Frost after recruiting these princesses. Let's try to force him into Elice's recruitment as well, shall we?

But first, Camus, we need you to look real distant. Right next to Nyna. As you gaze upon her--

Meh. Can't do it this turn, I think. So let's just wait. And tank with the Dancer.

Reinforcements. Fire and earth dragons. Should be easy.

Hmmm... I don't know...

Excellent. Level cap! And he got just what he needed.

Oh COME ON! REALLY?! ARE THEY SERIOUS?! YMIR!

NO! No. We're not giving up. We can't give up! We're killing Medeus, right here, right now.

Don't worry, Ymir. Of course you were. You were a great axe user. Maybe even the best. Rest, now.

...I guess I'm doomed to end without an axe user. Curse it all. But we can't let his efforts go to waste.

You-- Stop it!

Ooooof course. Merric's the worst.

Get there already! We can't wait any longer! Or, well, we can, but I'm not willing to risk it.

Merric and Elice, to me, feels like a worse version of Lena and Julian.

I don't know why. Maybe because Lena and Julian had been building up from Shadow Dragon (the game with no character development, mind you) while this was just... kind of pulled out of the writer's ass as a way of letting you recruit Elice and Falchion Medeus to death in the same turn.

Gharnef is dead. And he's not helping you. He can't even ride well!

"I'm here, so we can proceed to be useless... together!"

What, did you want to do the thing every man strives for, right here?

Can't say I blame you, she looks good, but...

Now's when I accidentally end turn and he's burned to a crisp.

I'm just fooling around. Don't worry. We shall end this before you die. And, if everything else fails, I can always make Frost rescue you.

Ah, is it time already?

Yes, it is time.

Do you hear that, Medeus?

That is the sound of inevitability. Yey I got the reference right this time around.

Pretzel... sure. Do enjoy yourself... try to feel important. It's all you can do at this point.

This is all irrelevant. Are you ready for perhaps the best line of the chapter (ironically speaking, of course)?

Couldn't be any more fitting.

So says Marth, standing ten meters away from Ymir's corpse.

Yeah! Let's see the mission through!

Oh.

...

Pff...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH that's silly as hell!

Forgive me, but that's just laughable. A giant purple dragon that speaks in capital letters.

Go home, Medeus. You're not scary.

Hell yeah!

The final battle is upon us!

And what better way to end our adventure than a perfect blinking shot? Marth has had enough of your shit, Medeus!

And, yeah, I did say "end our adventure".

Because Marth really, really...

REAAAALLY has had enough of Medeus' crap.

And that's it.

Easily is right. Hahahah! Couldn't have been any more anti-climatic. Well, unless it was Frost one-shotting you, but eh.

No, it's the power of the RNGoddess finally showing some blasted mercy on me.

Go home, Medeus. You're can't be as good as Zephiel was. And I don't believe Zephiel was awesome. Good, for sure, but not the best.

Remind me, is Medeus the big baddie from Awakening?

Oh, no, it's Grima. Huh.

Maybe Grima is Medeus. Put on your tinfoil hats, everyone, 'cause it's theory time.

That's the theory. I don't know enough about Awakening to go any further.

And so... everybody's deaths have been avenged.

Tomorrow, the epilogue. It's really, really long, so let's say the army waited out the remaining dragons for a day. Medeus had many, many dragons left, and his death only enraged them further. LP canon!

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 11 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 4)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice
                       Matthis**
                       Yumina**
                       Ymir

*Retreated.

**Honorably discharged.

 

[Franp3]

13 hours ago, Rubenio said:

which one of those am I?

I wrote it thinking about myself, actually...

 

13 hours ago, Rubenio said:

Yubello, all is forgiven.

My most sincere apologies, Yubello. Turns out you were only the 2nd worst mage in the game.

 

47 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

What did you think of the whole "death portraits" idea?

I think they were fine, and a good way to signal the "End" of the LP. shame I can't remember who half these character were, though. That's right, someone is even more forgettable than Tomas! It's... crap, i can't remember. It's...Checks death list Norne!

My personal favorite was Eremiah's. The eye details look amazing.

 

54 minutes ago, Rubenio said:

I would leave it there, but you wouldn't get it. It's you, Pretzel.

I came up with a magnificent insult today, and I see no other place to put it. I'll speak slowly, Pretzel, so you can maybe understand it with the piece of shit you have instead of a brain. YOU ARE THE WORST PROTAGONIST IN FE HISTORY AND A PEERLESS DUMBASS. I HAVENT EVEN PLAYED YOUR GAME YET AND I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE OF IT.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

We will win. Both our dignities demand we do, Marth!

What is left of your dignities. See what I meant with my first comment?

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Sheesh, I'm a nerdy sad sack.

Do you need another hug?

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Minerva is still embarrased by her failure of a brother.

 

1 hour ago, Rubenio said:

Remind me, is Medeus the big baddie from Awakening?

Oh, no, it's Grima. Huh.

Maybe Grima is Medeus. Put on your tinfoil hats, everyone, 'cause it's theory time.

 I remember finding some similar theories a while back, but FE15/SOV already disproved this. In it, Grima is a dracozombie that was infused with divine dragon blood, and serves as the postgame superboss. REALLY dissapointing if you ask me.

[KnightOfNohr]

This was a great LP. Many people have wanted to show their feats to the world in order to entertain, but many are unable to. You, however...you persevered; you set yourself a challenge, and you rose to it. You may not have done something great...but you have done something very good. I humbly wish you the best in your next endeavor, no matter what it may be. 

Your faithful reader and commenter~

KnightOfNohr

P.S. You might not want to advertise that you've been receiving grammar tips from a 13 year old. :)