pokemon Dcat's Team Skull oneshots

[Dragoncat]

I've developed a soft spot for those goofballs. Thought I'd share my Skulltastic oneshots and see what happens. There is one that gets X rated, but in accord with the SF rules, I won't paste it in here, instead I'll link offsite to it. Please let me know if this isn't allowed, and I'll remove it. 

First one is more of a list/joke thing, but it counts.

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The following is written in sharpie on a slab of drywall in a run down mansion in Po Town.

We of Team Skull don't normally follow rules, but there are a few rules that AREN'T meant to be broken.

1: Guzma is king, and Plumeria is his queen. Insubordination will not be tolerated. The pet names "Plums" and "Guzzy", when used by anyone other than the two bosses toward each other, will be considered an insult and dealt with accordingly.

2: Disagreements can be settled with fights, just be aware that if you start a fight and it goes on too long, Guzma or Plumeria will finish it.

3: If you don't want your food stolen, clearly label it with your name. Or else you deserve to go hungry.

4: Guzma's yoohoos are off limits, no ifs, ands, or buts. He counts them every day and will totally notice if somebody's been drinking them. Any yoohoo thief will get their ass handed to them and be forced to replace the stolen drinks with their own cash.

5: The hot cocoa packets are hidden for a reason. Seriously, hands off!

6: If you can't take a leak without spraying it everywhere like a damn savage, either sit down or go outside in the bushes or something. Watch your aim. Stand closer, boys, it's shorter than you think.

7: If it's yellow, you can let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.

8: Replace food and drinks if you take the last one. Nothing ruins a day more than reaching for a snack or drink and finding out some asshole just put the empty box or bag or whatever back in there.

9: Alcohol is allowed, but the only one whose fault it is if you do something insanely stupid is you.

10: Because of the actions of a certain someones, we have learned the pool filter doesn't like globs of hair, blood, and jizz. No screwing in the pool. Roughhousing is fine, just try not to draw blood or drown anybody. Violating this rule will result in being forced to clean the pool. Bitch about it and...just don't bitch about it if you don't want to get a severe ass kicking.

Got a bone to pick with these rules? TOO BAD! Follow them or else!

Rule 10 was because an OC grunt of mine named Marco got drunk and tried to nail two drunk female grunts in the pool. The dude can't keep it in his pants anyway. It's kinda his thing lol. You won't be seeing that scene in any of these, just know that it happened.

Next up is the X rated one. Summary: Some time after the events of the games, Team Skull's second in command terminates a romantic relationship between her and a man outside the team. She tells herself she won't bother trying to find someone else for awhile...but turns out her soulmate has been right there beside her all along.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11391387

If you have an AO3 account, feel free to leave comments there. If not, you can post in the feedback thread or PM them to me if you think the comments will break forum rules.

Last but not least, a sequel of sorts to the above:

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"Keep your shorts on, Ty!" Team Skull's boss shouted at his six month old son, which only made the kid screech louder. "I'm getting you your food! SHEESH!" 

A dark blond haired young man came stomping into the room. "I can hear him from clear across the building! Shut him up!"

Guzma turned and glared. "Get used to it, Nick! Soon you won't be able to escape! And if you try, that won't go over well. Trust me, I know."

"Ugh, don't remind me..."

"Just sayin'. Cora isn't as nasty as Plumeria was, so you're lucky there." Guzma raised an eyebrow at the jar of baby food, sniffed it, and gagged. "I can't believe I'm feeding this stuff to my son." The screeching had stopped, and Tyrone was staring at the jar and the spoon. "Here you go. Open up, here comes the airplane."

The mashed vegetables went in, then got spit right back out. The spoon and jar flew off the small table, the jar shattered on the floor, and the baby had an angry look on his face, but he wasn't screaming again. He pointed at Nick. "Dada!"

"Um, I'm not your dada, he is..."

"He knows. You're standing in front of some bananas. He wants those instead." Guzma picked up one of the bananas. "Yeah, I wouldn't eat that crap either. I don't know why your mom insists on it." He showed Tyrone a peeled banana. "Banana. Can you say that?"

"Ba...daba!"

"Close enough." Guzma placed a small plate with the mashed banana on it on the table in front of Ty. The baby began to eat it with his fingers.

"Aren't you going to clean that up?" Nick pointed at the mess on the floor. Guzma appeared to be ignoring it, instead his attention was on the pokeballs on the counter. 

"Yeah, but not in the way the missus would want me to. This has happened before with some kind of carrot shit. This is peas, but still vegetables, so..." He had a pokeball in each hand and opened them simultaneously. "Digby, Jane, go."

Both of the pokemon were bugs, one being a large yellow spider and the other being a large armored beetle. They sniffed around until they found the mashed peas, then began lapping up the mess. Guzma turned to Nick and smirked. "May not be fit for humans, but pokemon can eat it."

"But what about the glass?" 

"They'll eat that too. Golisopods can eat pretty much anything. Digby will get anything Jane can't." Guzma paused to give Nick a stern look. "If you tell on me, I will end you."

Nick nodded in understanding. He knew his boss was nowhere near perfect. His parenting methods...if the wrong person saw or heard some days, Tyrone would be put in foster care. But he was doing well enough, the kid was being fed and growing, that was all that mattered. And he was set to be a father himself...in four months. Cora had been super hormoned up after Tyrone was born, and Nick was weak and...he had reluctantly agreed to it, just to make his woman happy. But whether she would still be happy when their daughter arrived was anyone's guess.

"My lips are sealed, boss."

"I'll return the favor." Guzma smiled. "I've come to find out that you just have to do whatever works. You have to have a name for yours by now, right? Just so I know how to refer to him or her..."

"Mine's a girl. Her name's Misha. She's named after Cora's aunt. I didn't argue because I didn't have any ideas myself."

"Heh...Same here. Kinda. I wanted to name Ty after myself, but Plumeria wouldn't hear of it. Anyway. Whatever works with Misha, and if it's something I know Cora would yell at you about, I'll look the other way and act like I didn't see it." Tyrone had finished his banana. Guzma picked him up and put him down on the floor. 

A visibly pregnant young woman with dark red hair entered the room. "Babe, Marco just said he bets you can't take the dirt bike and use the ramp to jump that old truck out front." Her golden eyes twinkled. "He said, 'I know he has balls, but how big are they?' I told him that was for me to know and him to never find out. There's fifty dollars at stake."

"Ha!" Nick broke into a cocky grin. "I hope he's okay with losing fifty bucks!"

"Hey wait a minute!" Guzma ran after Nick and Cora. "I've gotta see this!" He skidded to a stop in the doorway. He turned back and spoke to Tyrone. "Stay here and wait for Daddy to come back, can you do that?" Tyrone looked up at his father, blinked, and made a soft cooing sound. The pokemon had finished their snack, and now they were interested in their trainer's offspring. Their beady bug eyes were fixed on the baby, and Digby's antennae twitched curiously. 

Digby made a harsh squeaking sound and crawled away to take a nap. Jane watched him do that, then turned her attention back to the tiny human. Of course the golisopod didn't care, he was a male. Males never paid any attention to larvae. Humans were clearly different because their trainer appeared to be mating with just one female, so he knew this little one was his, and he was also helping with the parenting. Both male and female bug pokemon didn't usually stick with one mate and the males didn't care to figure out who their offspring were, let alone help raise them.

She wondered why there was only one human larva. Galvantulas like herself were born in clutches of about ten, but less than half of the joltiks in a clutch were likely to survive to adulthood. The mother only cared for them for a few weeks. And after that they were on their own. Some of them did well on their own, some of them didn't. Jane thought she was the only one out of her siblings that was still alive. Shortly after being released from her mother, she wandered until she found a human nest, then fed on the electricity inside the nest. A female human trapped her and gave her to the male who now owned her. And now that female was the mother of this little one...and her trainer was the father.

Tyrone appeared as interested in Jane as she was in him. He babbled, and then the galvantula felt the brush of a tiny human paw against the static infused yellow hair on one of her front legs. He squeaked and moved his paw back, then put it in his mouth. Poor little thing, she had shocked him on accident. She should probably take him to his parents in case he was hurt. Her instincts took over and she treated him as a newly hatched joltik: picking him up with her mandibles and placing him safely on her back. He squealed a little bit. She looked up at him and saw that his eyes were rounder and wider than usual. He was definitely his father's son. Her trainer made faces like that all the time. She wasn't sure what this face meant though.

----

"No! You didn't make it! Give me the money!"

"You just said I had to clear the truck. You didn't say anything about the bike."

The jump had ended with Nick in the bushes and the dirt bike on top of the old truck. The bike ran out of gas at the most inconvenient moment. Nick was still covered in brambles and he had a few bleeding scrapes. 

Cora drug the bike down. "Fuel tank's empty, boys."

Marco scowled. "Big whoop! We can get more gas! Where's my fifty dollars?"

"Hold on there, dude." Guzma stood up and walked over. He had seen the entire spectacle from a nearby lawn chair. "From what I understand, you said if he could jump the truck, you owed him fifty dollars. And he did. He just wasn't on the bike the entire time."

"That's what I've been telling him!" Nick removed a twig from behind his ear.

"I say he made it." Guzma continued. "Give him his prize. He'll need it for his kid later. That's an order."

"Ugh!" Marco took his wallet out of his pocket, opened it, and handed Nick five tens before storming off.

Guzma smiled. "I know all that will actually be gone by the time Misha gets here." His voice was lowered so only Nick could hear. "Money burns a hole in everyone's pocket.."

Before Nick could reply, a female voice yelled from the building. "Guzzy! Get your butt in here!"

"Oh, what'd I do now..." Guzma grumbled. 

Plumeria looked furious. Her eyes seemed to flash at Guzma as he walked in. "You were supposed to be in here with Tyrone! Not out piddlefarting around!"

"Relax, Plums. I was only going to be gone for a little bit. He's in there where I left him, he ate, he's fine."

"Uh, no! He's not! The only living thing in that room is your big stupid golisopod!"

Guzma flinched. "Uh oh-"

"Don't 'uh oh' me, mister! You need to be more responsible!"

"Would you let me finish?! I let more than just Digby out. Jane's missing too!" 

The squeak of a bug pokemon sounded. A female galvantula with a baby boy on her back came around the corner. She stopped between Guzma and Plumeria and squeaked again. Tyrone added his own squeaks and squeals. He looked up at his parents with a big grin on his face.

Plumeria was speechless. Guzma burst out laughing. "Galvantulas DO carry their young on their backs like that. This is the best thing I've seen all week!"

"Yeah, well..." Plumeria's face reddened. "...Okay, I guess this is kinda funny." Tyrone raised his arms like he wanted to be picked up by his mother, so she did. "Come on, Ty. You stink. Time for a diaper change..."

 

Edited August 21, 2017 by Dragoncat