HowAreYaBud Posted December 14, 2008 Author Share Posted December 14, 2008 LAWLZ.You should have a chapter explaining how we lived. That will be explained in due time. I'm glad you liked your line XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 For god's sake, why of all things do you have a YouTube link in the story? I'm on a fairly slow connection here; I don't want to have wait 10 minutes for a video just to read a story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 (edited) The links are too music. Personally I just see it as a cheap way of trying to set an atmosphere, instead of doing it the proper way in a story. But it is not the worst thing I have seen these people do. Edited December 15, 2008 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Well jeez, you don't have to read it if you hate it so much <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 (edited) Well jeez, you don't have to read it if you hate it so much <_< But how can we know whether we hate it or not unless we read it? And I do not recall ever being told we could not post negative comments about your story. Maybe if you took note of it, you might find some good advice. Edited December 15, 2008 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 But how can we know whether we hate it or not unless we read it? And I do not recall ever being told we could not post negative comments about your story. Maybe if you took note of it, you might find some good advice. Well you don't have to listen to the music. It helps me write when I listen to it, so I figured I should just use it in the story. And your right, I never said anything about negative comments. Chapter 37 Luxord: ... Emil: ... Oogly: ..It's...It's over... TLS: Finally... Emil: No...This isn't right..he wouldn't die this easily... Hanz: He's right...Don't let your guard down... Luxord: Hahaha...hahahahahahhaahhahaha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Xanatha: Dang... Luxord: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! YOU IDIOTS DIDN'T THINK I'D DIE THAT EASILY, DID YOU?! AT LEAST EMIL KNOWS ME!! Porom: Ugh..How are we supposed to beat him?! Guy: I don't know...this..this is starting to seem impossible... Extreme: Grr... Emil: How can we defeat you?! Banjo: You've restored the sword's power, right? Emil: Yeah... Banjo: Well then, just keep attacking!! Luxord: BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!! (Huge, black wings burst out of his back) Oogly: What's this?! (The fire on his lance suddenly goes out) Oogly: What the?! TLS: No...It couldn't be... Luxord: HAHA!!! BUT IT IS!! Extreme: A MAGIC SEAL?! Luxord: THAT'S RIGHT!! BUT THIS ONE DOESN'T ONLY NEGATE MAGIC, BUT IT NEGATES ANIMAL TRANSFORMATION!!! Xanatha: NO!! (She turns back into a human) Extreme: No way...(He turns back into a human) Banjo: Well this sucks... Emil: Guess it's all up to me... Luxord: WRONG!! Perhaps you don't understand...THE ELEMENTAL STONES ARE INFUSED WITH THE POWER OF THE 6 ELEMENTS...WHICH EQUALS... Emil: No... Luxord: YOU GUESSED IT!!! MAGIC!! Emil: So...So that means...I can't...I can't defeat you...Amon...is weakened again...? Luxord: That's riiiight!! Emil:...No... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 What is there to say?! This is damn EXCITING!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 (edited) Ah figures, the big bad evil overlord survived. And as usual, instead of just killing them with a surprise attack when their guard is down, he does an evil laugh. Sorry, but Kefka is the only villain who really pulled the laugh off well. Sorry, but no matter what way I look at it, Luxord just seems to be the usual evil villain that makes me wonder how someone so arrogant and foolish could have gotten so far in the first place. I guess this sums up as: work on the characterisation of your antagonists. Edited December 16, 2008 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 (edited) Ah figures, the big bad evil overlord survived. And as usual, instead of just killing them with a surprise attack when their guard is down, he does an evil laugh. Sorry, but Kefka is the only villain who really pulled the laugh off well.Sorry, but no matter what way I look at it, Luxord just seems to be the usual evil villain that makes me wonder how someone so arrogant and foolish could have gotten so far in the first place. I guess this sums up as: work on the characterisation of your antagonists. This is my second story, alright? You can't expect me to be perfect. And I don't plan on becoming a professional, I'm just doing this for fun. Edited December 16, 2008 by Black Fox of Darkness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 This is my second story, alright? I'm just doing this for fun. I do not really see those as an excuse for barely trying. Plenty of people write for enjoyment (me being one of them) who still improve and put lots of thought into their work. TSOT is in fact my first story ever, and I still manage to put some good thought and effort into it; that's one of my favourite things about writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 I do not really see those as an excuse for barely trying. Plenty of people write for enjoyment (me being one of them) who still improve and put lots of thought into their work. TSOT is in fact my first story ever, and I still manage to put some good thought and effort into it; that's one of my favourite things about writing. Alright let's just stop flaming at each other. We're obviously not going anywhere with it. Chapter 38 Porom: What do we do now...? Emil: There has to be some way to beat him... Oogly: Well, it's simple, really. all we have to do is get rid of the seal. Emil: Oh, really? I had no idea. Oogly: I know, I'm a genius. TLS: Well...If we... Emil: If we what? TLS: If..If we...I don't know. Emil: Alright then. Luxord: Hahaha...Stumped? Emil: Gr... Luxord: Well, this is no fun... :( I was expecting an extremely fun fight from you. Emil: Well, you cheated. Luxord: Not really. I honestly expected you to figure out how to beat me. It's quite simple, if you think about it. Hanz: Hardly...If even I can't figure it out, it must be pretty complicated... Luxord: *sigh*...Maybe I'll have to motivate you, Emil...DARK LANCE!!! (A lance made of darkness appears in the air and then stabs TLS) TLS: AHH!!! Emil: TLS!!!! Porom: But I thought that the magic seal... Luxord: A magic seal negates all magic attempted within a 50 mile radius. But there IS one exception. Guy: The user of the magic seal CAN use magic. Luxord: Bingo! Emil: TLS... Luxord: Every few minutes that you fail to come up with a way to defeat me, I will kill one of your pathetic friends, Emil. Emil: No... Porom: THere's nothing we can do... Luxord: Oh yes there is... Oogly: But WHAT?! Luxord: Like I'd TELL you. (Another spear appears in the air) Emil: No... Luxord: Yes. (The spear stabs Xanatha) Xanatha: URGH!!! Emil: XANATHAAA!!! porom: We have to do something!! Guy: We have to think of something! Emil: What..What is it? Luxord: I"m surprised it's taking you this long...You must have taken anger management classes. Emil:... Luxord: Haha...(Another spear appears and stabs Oogly) Oogly: Ah...Haha...Cya...Emil... Emil: OOGLY!!!!! Luxord: Yes..Yes, just a LITTLE MORE!!! Emil: Luxord...LUXORD!!!!!!! Luxord: Yes? (Another spear appears and stabs Guy this time) Guy: Porom..I'm sorry... Banjo: ... Emil+Porom: GUUUUYYY!!!!!!! (A blue light suddenly covers him) Luxord: FINALLY! Emil: Is..Is this what I need to kill him? Luxord: Yep! Except you need a lot more. Emil: ...? Luxord: Oh. More motivation? (A spear appears again and stabs Extreme) Extreme: ARGH!!! Emil: No... Hanz: Extreme... Emil: Luxord...You...BASTARD!!!!!! (the blue light turns red) Luxord: Oh...? What's this?! I've never seen this kind of power!! It's almost as strong as me!!!! Emil: Prepare to DIE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Alright let's just stop flaming at each other. We're obviously not going anywhere with it. Not every comment that isn't praise is a flame or personal attack. Believe it or not, I am helping you a lot more than most people in this thread. Luxord: Every few minutes that you fail to come up with a way to defeat me, I will kill one of your pathetic friends, Emil. If he wanted to win, why doesn't he just wipe them out a bit faster? Emil: Luxord...You...BASTARD!!!!!! (the blue light turns red)Luxord: Oh...? What's this?! I've never seen this kind of power!! It's almost as strong as me!!!! Oh, all of the sudden he becomes super powerful... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 If he wanted to win, why doesn't he just wipe them out a bit faster? He loves messing with Emil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hmm, this chapter was... <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hmm, this chapter was... <_< :( That's the last time I write without having an idea what I'm going to write about... <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 :( That's the last time I write without having an idea what I'm going to write about... <_< No, I didn't mean it that way! I meant... I died... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Mhm. I'm suuure that's what you meant. ;) Anyway, here's a preview of my next story :D Prologue Oh, kids! Those two, STUPID kids!! If it wasn't for them, none of this would have ever happened! If it wasn't for them, none of my friends would have ever died! But they just HAD to annoy Ed! Of course they did! They LIVE to annoy people older than them! Grrr...I wish I could kill THEM! But..Maybe I should start from the beginning... That will probably change a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Mhm. I'm suuure that's what you meant. ;) But it's true! I swear! I love your story and think that every single chapter is great and all, it's just... I died... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Chapter 39 Porom: W-what's going on?! Banjo: His power... Porom: But how'd he become so powerful all the sudden?! Banjo: Our power is influenced by emotions. For example, if we get angry, or sad, our power will trigger. The madder we get, the stronger we become. Emil: Luxord... Luxord: You've become powerful, Emil...Maybe now the fight'll be fair... Emil: DIE! (He charges at Luxord. Luxord barely dodges. A sword materializes in his hand and he attacks Emil. He blocks it and jumps over Luxord. He cuts his arm off) Luxord: ARG!! AAH!! Why..Why can't I grow it back?! Porom: Amazing... Banjo: It is, isn't it? Emil: Feel the pain...Feel the suffering that you've caused all these people to witness!!! (He cuts off Luxord's leg) Luxord: AAAHH!!!! NOO! WHAT IS THIS?! Porom: Looks like we're finally going to win. Banjo: Yep. Emil: Now do you see?! Now do you understand the trouble you've caused the whole world?! Luxord: Ah....Ah... Emil: ...No? (He cuts off Luxord's other leg) Luxord: AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Emil: Give up now, Luxord...and I might let you live!!! Luxord: No...It looks like..It's finally over for me...Haha...Kill me. Emil: Huh? Luxord: Kill me now, Emil...I'm going to die soon anyway...I'd rather have my suffering end... Emil:...Yes...(He stabs Luxord) Luxord: Haha...It hurts...But...If I were to be reborn..I'd do it all over again..I'd make the same choices...I regret...nothing... Porom: We...You did it, Emil! Emil: It's...It's finally over...(The red light disappears) Banjo: He..He's done it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I'm sorry, but I pity Luxord. This is exactly what I love and hate with fantasy-stories. The evil leaders always have such a strong will and refuse too give up, and that only leads to their deaths. It is so tragic that they never change their paths. Things like these always make me cry... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) Sorry to say, but that scene had the stench of deus ex machina* all over it. It just felt far too random and convenient to be believable. But it is also incredibly cliché; the hero suddenly gets a lot of power from out of nowhere to save his friends at the last second. * From the article it is linked to (Which I recommend a read of): "An unexpected, artificial, or improbable character, device, or event introduced suddenly in a work of fiction or drama to resolve a situation or untangle a plot." Edited December 20, 2008 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted December 21, 2008 Author Share Posted December 21, 2008 (edited) Chapter 40 Emil: *breathing heavily* Porom: EMIL!! Emil:... Porom: Emil, you did it! Emil: I can'd believe it's finally over... Banjo: So what're you going to do about these bodies? Emil: Right...But first, tell me how you saved them from the poison. Banjo: Fine. Porom: Epic story. Banjo: I wanted to see the final battle with Luxord, so I came through the tunnel. I found your friends fighting the giants spiders. They seemed extremely weak. Porom: Oh man...Bad memories. Banjo: I killed a spider, and it's toxic fumes released from it's body. Luckily, I have the power to heal myself of many symptoms, poison being one of them. Porom: He was awesome in this fight. Banjo: I killed all the spiders, cleansing their toxins from my body each time. But there was still your friends to save. Normally, I wouldn't have been able to heal anyone else but myself. However, I sensed a strong sense of magic coming from one of your companions. I believe his name was Oogly. Porom: Oogly...He was cool. Banjo: He still had a small amount of power left in him, so we combined our magic to heal everyone. The end. Emil: I see... Banjo: Now let's bury these bodies... later... Emil: There...all done... Banjo: Where will you all go now? Porom: I'm going to try to rebuild my kingdom. There has to be some way. I will not give up until I rule a thriving kingdom! Emil: I'm just going to travel around, until I find a nice little farming village. There's no fighting left in me. Banjo: I'm going to go back to Ur... Emil: Ur? Banjo: I lived there before. Emil: I see... Porom: Well...Bye, everyone. Emil: Goodbye. Banjo: Later. THE END Edited December 21, 2008 by Haseo: Terror of Death Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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