Character feedback for fan game?

[Theri]

Spoiler

Castor

Gender: Female

Class: Lord

Age: 17

Appearance: 1st pic

Personality & history: Castor is the twin sister of Pollux and the princess of Estuan, a small country on the continent of Torrenia. She's rather quiet, but strong-willed. She feels a great deal of guilt over her country's lack of action to help Archanea during the Scouring, but it's well out of her control since it was centuries before she was even born. While she's quiet mostly, sometimes her similar stubbornness to Pollux can be seen. Castor has no desire for the life of royalty, and depending on who she supports with, her ending changes. Either way, she always takes excellent care of her nephew in the post-game ending. She worries constantly for Pollux and hopes he becomes a good leader.

 

Spoiler

Pollux

Gender: Male

Class: Lord

Age: 17

Appearance: 2nd pic

Personality & history: Pollux wants nothing more than to become a good king. However, he's very confused on how to do that. He's the type to act now and ask questions later. Often times he's seen as a bit hot-headed and brash. Under that rough exterior, however, lies a man who simply stresses constantly over his future duties as king. He often wishes he knew more of strategy and tactics, but those were never his strengths. While he's arguably book-smart, Pollux always has struggled with the real life application of the skills he reads. No matter who he supports with, (or if he supports with anyone at all) Pollux will get married post-game and have an unnamed son.

These are the two main lords for my Fire Emblem fan game. I also have a support with Castor and the main avatar below.

Spoiler

Avatar & Castor -- C Support

Castor: Oh, [Avatar], greetings from the battlefield.

Avatar: Oh, hi, Castor. It seems things have slowed down enough for us to catch a break for now.

A: So tell me more about Estuan. I hardly got to see it before we crossed the border.

C: Ah, Estuan…. Well, my brother and I are the prince and princess respectively. It’s a beautiful place where flowers bloom and everything grows. The people have had no strife there.

A: Isn’t that all of Torrenia however?

C: Yes, the people of Torrenia have never faced hardship. We’ve avoided war since the moment this continent was founded. Even when Archanea was in turmoil, we refused to move a finger.

C: ….

A: What’s wrong?

C: Perhaps…these monsters appearing is punishment from the gods for remaining idly by while our neighbors slaughter and kill each other. We didn’t even help in the Scouring. To sit by and watch our fellow humans die for us….

A: Are you a woman of faith?

C: Er, not particularly. While I keep the gods in mind, I wouldn’t call myself devout. When my brother becomes king, I’d prefer to settle down with a quiet life. Maybe start up an orphanage, or something of that nature.

A: That’s very noble of you, Castor. It’s rare to find those of royal blood so willing to work towards a noble cause.

C: My, is it really that uncommon in Archanea?

A: Besides the Hero King Marth, I’ve found it very unusual to see any nobles that are pure of heart. It’s quite nice to come here and see you with your brother fighting for what’s right.

C: Ah, things have picked back up again. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to leave this conversation for another time.

 

B Support

C: Oh, it’s you again, [Avatar].

A: Indeed it is. Sorry if I’m pestering you with questions, but why is your name Castor? Is that not a boy’s name?

C: It is. My parents wanted two sons, you see. And they were upset once I was born, enough so that they named me Castor. It would always be something people could tease me for.

A: Castor, I’m sorry…. That must’ve been rough.

C: Actually, my parents were quick to warm up to me. They love me a lot, and even offered to officially change my name a few years back. But I said no.

A: How come?

C: Castor is the twin of Pollux. It’s even in mythology. I love my brother, and he is my other half. I keep the name Castor because it is a constant reminder that I am half of us. No matter where he is or what he’s doing, I’ll always care for him.

A: That’s rather kind of you. The name Castor really fits in my opinion anyway.

C: Oh. D-Do you see me as a man then? Please don’t tell me you see me as a male.

A: No, not at all. It’s just that the name Castor is dynamic, just like you. It’s breathtaking the way you swing your sword in battle. Graceful yet fearsome.

C: P-Please, don’t say anymore. I’m getting embarrassed.

A: Castor, are you all right? You’re blushing.

C: Now you’ve gone and done it! I must go; there are enemies to defeat.

A: Castor, wait!

A: *sigh* She’s gone. Castor….

 

A Support

C: Oh, hello, [Avatar]....

A: Castor, you seem down.

C: I just…I wanted to apologize for the way I acted in our last conversation. It was unbefitting of the Princess of Estuan.

A: That’s okay. I’m your friend, all right? You can always act however you want around me, no need for formalities.

C: I-Is that right? Well as your friend, I’d like to know more about you. All I’ve done so far is talk about myself.

C: What was your life in Archanea like?

A: Hmm, rather ordinary actually. I studied to be a mage in Khadein. Once I graduated from the school of magic, I wandered the continent.

C: Wasn’t that lonely?

A: Er, I guess. In all honesty, I’ve had little interest in love or anything of that sort. I always thought I’d be alone. At least, until I came to Torrenia.

C: Oh? I’m glad to see you’re happy.

A: In fact, I think I’m in love with someone.

C: Hmm? Who? You can tell me. Is it Pollux?

A: Gods, no! No offense or anything, but I view Pollux as more of a friend. Although, you’re not far from the mark….

C: Really? Who’s like Pollux then, hmm….

A: Gods, Castor, I’m in love with YOU!

C: Ah, yes, mmhmm.

C: ….

C: Wait, what?! I-I, um, ….

A: I understand if…if you don’t reciprocate these feelings. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Just remember that you can always feel free to seek me out as a friend.

C: [Avatar], I…I do feel the same way. Truth be told, I’ve harbored quite the crush on you since our journey first began. But with you being a mysterious commoner and me being the princess of Estuan, I figured you were probably intimidated by me.

A: Castor, I know this is a sudden question, but will you have me? You mean a great deal to me. I feel like we should spend more time together. Who knows? Perhaps even get married someday if things work out.

C: I will have you, [Avatar]. Pollux will take over the throne so I’m not expected to marry as much as he is. I’m sure no one will mind the princess of Estuan marrying an Archanean mage so long as the king marries someone.

A: Then...is it okay if I say I love you?

C: Yes, yes it is.

Edited August 27, 2017 by Theri

[SoulWeaver]

Hm, not bad. I think I'd need more background of the main country mentioned here, I'm not familiar with it and Supports aren't supposed to be designed around world building so if you have anything like that I'd love to read it for the background. On their own, though, the two siblings seem like they have potential to be solid characters, Pollux less so because I only have the small bit of personality you put up here, but even that seems decent. Give me a while and I'll give you a better opinion as I'm in a hurry tonight.

[sirmola]

Can any support be triggered at any time? If so, you have to remember to only have supports mention plot elements that remain the same for the entire plot. For example, if the plot calls for the avatar to spend time in estuan,later, you will modify that line so that it works no matter when in the plot the support is triggered. Another example is if castor ever learns that the monsters are due to something other than punishment from the gods, that line will look out of place if the support is triggered latter.

1 hour ago, Theri said:

Isn’t that all of Torrenia however?

Not proper gramor. "Isn’t that true of all of Torrenia?" is better.

[Theri]

9 hours ago, sirmola said:

Can any support be triggered at any time? If so, you have to remember to only have supports mention plot elements that remain the same for the entire plot. For example, if the plot calls for the avatar to spend time in estuan,later, you will modify that line so that it works no matter when in the plot the support is triggered. Another example is if castor ever learns that the monsters are due to something other than punishment from the gods, that line will look out of place if the support is triggered latter.

Not proper gramor. "Isn’t that true of all of Torrenia?" is better.

They can be, though Castor still considers it divine punishment even when she finds the true cause of the appearance of monsters. As with Estuan, the only chapter in Estuan is the prologue, which if I can code right, you won't be able to trigger supports until the chapters after.

The true cause of the monsters appearing is Princess Maya of Torrenia using dark magic to resurrect her deceased brother so she won't have to become queen at the tender age of 11.

[sirmola]

3 hours ago, Theri said:

They can be, though Castor still considers it divine punishment even when she finds the true cause of the appearance of monsters. As with Estuan, the only chapter in Estuan is the prologue, which if I can code right, you won't be able to trigger supports until the chapters after.

The true cause of the monsters appearing is Princess Maya of Torrenia using dark magic to resurrect her deceased brother so she won't have to become queen at the tender age of 11.

Good to hear. Just make sure that every plot element referenced in a support convo makes sense whenever you trigger it. This depends on the precise support mechanics you implement. For example, if you have a limit of 50 support points per character per chapter, it takes 200 support points to get to A rank, and a big plot twist occurs 4 chapters after supports become possible, the A support can mention the plot twist. Another example is late-joining characters, who can mention earlier plot developments in their supports.

Another thing to remember is that game-play, and what is feasable within the engine, often effect the plot. You might find that you will have to rewrite supports when actually implementing them into the game. This is why most hacks insert supports last. if you are planing on using FEXNA when it finaly comes, out there may be less technical restrictions, but still.

[SoulWeaver]

Alright, back for a slightly more detailed look. Let's see…

First off, I like the choice of names for the mythology reference, and I like that you even mention in the Support that it's from mythology, nice job there. Now the siblings themselves.

Castor is an interesting take on the 'Royal not interested in Royal life' idea, as she is able to actually pursue that course thanks to her brother being so into the idea of being king, whereas usually I've only seen that kind of mindset on people who don't get the luxury of continuing on that path, so that's neat. Her ideology of the monsters being divine punishment is also interesting as I'm mostly used to seeing that sort of thing used for Priests or Clerics, so having a Lord who subscribes to that train of thought is rather refreshing for me.

Pollux seems to me like a cross between Siegbert and Shiro - wants to be a good king but is unsure how to do so, excels more at fighting than strategy, etc. There's not really much more to go on in the small intro given here, so I can't really say anything else about him.

Also, is the Avatar locked to Male? If not, this changes the implications of the Support with Castor assuming you aren't going to do a separate set for a Female Avatar.

[Theri]

51 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

Alright, back for a slightly more detailed look. Let's see…

First off, I like the choice of names for the mythology reference, and I like that you even mention in the Support that it's from mythology, nice job there. Now the siblings themselves.

Castor is an interesting take on the 'Royal not interested in Royal life' idea, as she is able to actually pursue that course thanks to her brother being so into the idea of being king, whereas usually I've only seen that kind of mindset on people who don't get the luxury of continuing on that path, so that's neat. Her ideology of the monsters being divine punishment is also interesting as I'm mostly used to seeing that sort of thing used for Priests or Clerics, so having a Lord who subscribes to that train of thought is rather refreshing for me.

Pollux seems to me like a cross between Siegbert and Shiro - wants to be a good king but is unsure how to do so, excels more at fighting than strategy, etc. There's not really much more to go on in the small intro given here, so I can't really say anything else about him.

Also, is the Avatar locked to Male? If not, this changes the implications of the Support with Castor assuming you aren't going to do a separate set for a Female Avatar.

We planned it so for this game, the avatar regardless of gender can support with whomever they want. This way, players can marry whoever without having to pick the gender they don't want. So technically every character is bisexual.