Liz Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 (edited) THE PRETTY LITTLE UNICORN Once upon a time, there was a pretty little unicorn. This pretty little unicorn was a very happy pretty little unicorn, just like all the other pretty little unicorns in this world. So one day, the pretty little unicorn decided to take a pretty little stroll in the pretty little park. and he strolled and he strolled and he strolled until his pretty little hooves were tired. So he took a break from strolling and ate some pretty little grass for lunch. Then, he was so comfortable that he fell asleep in a pretty little hill. Then he was killed by humans to make a fur coat. Edited November 14, 2008 by Empress Alina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 THAT IS THE MOST AMAZING STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mufasa Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 *Wears fur coat.* Hm? What was that? XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thingy Person Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Freakin Agamemnon is at it again. He's only making the Hectank battle harder for himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Judy Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I LOVE IT! *EVIL LAUGH* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xanatha Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hah hah! Wow! Are you a professional author? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 Okay, but post on it more, fellow Dragon. ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLSothe Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 ...I thought you DIDN'T Spam intentionally outside of FFtf? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 (edited) Personally, I would have rather seen the protagonist sent to the glue factory, since making a fur coat from a horse/unicorn does not seem like the best of ideas. I must also note that the protagonist appears to be a bit of a Mary Sue. Does this guy have any kind of believable attitude, personality or faults. I also object to the over use of the word "pretty", it is a really lame word to use over and over. Come on, get some variety in your writing. So he took a break from strolling and had some ate some pretty little grass for lunch. What I have underline here is pretty back. Should it not be: "And ate some pretty..." or "And had some pretty..." ? P.S: And in case you do not know, I am indeed aware that this is not a serious topic. However, being the great guy I am, I felt like giving some pointers anyway. Edited November 2, 2008 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLSothe Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Personally, I would have rather seen the protagonist sent to the glue factory, since making a fur coat from a horse/unicorn does not seem like the best of ideas.I must also note that the protagonist appears to be a bit of a Mary Sue. Does this guy have any kind of believable attitude, personality or faults. I also object to the over use of the word "pretty", it is a really lame word to use over and over. Come on, get some variety in your writing. What I have underline here is pretty back. Should it not be: "And ate some pretty..." or "And had some pretty..." ? P.S: And in case you do not know, I am indeed aware that this is not a serious topic. However, being the great guy I am, I felt like giving some pointers anyway. ...This post made me laugh, hard. For some reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Judy Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 ...This post made me laugh, hard. For some reason. Same here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLSothe Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 Same here I would request this to be locked, but it's a pretty funny topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowAreYaBud Posted November 2, 2008 Share Posted November 2, 2008 ...This post made me laugh, hard. For some reason. Me 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oguma Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Bianchi, you should post the "bedtime stories" with the little girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted November 4, 2008 Author Share Posted November 4, 2008 (edited) ...I thought you DIDN'T Spam intentionally outside of FFtf? it wasn't spam, at least i don't consider it spam. there are some very deep themes in this story. XD Personally, I would have rather seen the protagonist sent to the glue factory, since making a fur coat from a horse/unicorn does not seem like the best of ideas. people like unicorn fur? to be honest, i wrote this in the spur of the moment, just like everything else i've ever written, so i didn't give it much thought and wrote the first things that would come to mind! I must also note that the protagonist appears to be a bit of a Mary Sue. Does this guy have any kind of believable attitude, personality or faults. lol! i didn't want the unicorn to have any personality whatsoever besides being pretty and little. it would get in the way in this story. i shall keep it in mind for my next short story, however, if I decide to go serious and write something with some thought! :P I also object to the over use of the word "pretty", it is a really lame word to use over and over. Come on, get some variety in your writing. trying to make a point. ending wouldn't have been as dramatic if i would have used different words instead of pretty. I did it intentionally, and I like it that way. and besides, its not long enough for people to be annoyed too much by it. What I have underline here is pretty back. Should it not be:"And ate some pretty..." or "And had some pretty..." ? lol! maybe i should go over what i write before i post it! XD I shall fix it right away! :P P.S: And in case you do not know, I am indeed aware that this is not a serious topic. However, being the great guy I am, I felt like giving some pointers anyway. lol! don't worries! i appreciate constructive criticism! thankies! :P Bianchi, you should post the "bedtime stories" with the little girl! lol! maybe i'll post that story next~! XD Edited November 4, 2008 by Troy of Troy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Judy Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Troy of Troy I would love to hear some more of your insane stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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